What if the child has lost interest in learning. Awaken a child to learn

There were dad and mom, and they had three children. Parents and older children were sports people - all together were charged, rode bikes, mother and dad to tennis played on weekends, the eldest child regularly went to the pool, the middle-aged - from five years in the hockey section was engaged. But the younger turned out to be completely unsports. That only native things did to introduce him to a healthy lifestyle ...

Do as we

In the family it was taken in the morning, despite anything, to do charging. As soon as the baby began to walk, his parents tried to awaken their interest in the child's exercise in the child. The elder, and then the second kid willingly joined the parents, first embarrassing and ineptly imitating the movements of relatives, and then accustomed to and began to charge every day, choosing the exercises. And a unfortunate child went to the sofa or a carpet every time and gladly watched his relatives, even gave them advice, but did not want to join at all. Neither the proposal was not helped to portray cheerful little animals to the music, nor an example of older children nor admonish the benefits of charging for health, no persuasion that it is possible to become stronger than the viewed on the topic of films, cartoons, read fairy tales.

Parents tried to teach a disabilities to ride a bike. However, neither three-wheeled, nor four-wheeled, no one more than two wheels caused him the slightest desire to learn how to ride it. The kid shouted that she was afraid, tired, he was hard. All attempts to sit down on a bike ended with a scandal: Parents were angry, Chado fell and cried.

So the boy remained an eternal passenger on the trunk of parent bikes.

Let him teach him

"Once we cannot bring it yourself to the sport," the parents decided, "professionals will be engaged in physical education." And led the younger child in the sports section. Started from the pool, firstly, to be under the supervision of the older, and secondly, swim is useful for posture, and for nervous system. But an unsportscent child was allergic to Chlorine, after classes in the pool, he became sluggish and sleepy, and not in vigorous, and with the onset of colds, he began to sharpen coldly.

Then the parents led the Karapuz in the hockey section, judging that the average one like it, then, maybe, and the younger will be interested. So far, newbies were taught to skate and worked out with them the main techniques of the game, a unfortunate child for classes agreed. But as soon as command training started, the boy began to cry and refused to do. The coach explained to upset parents that hockey is a team game in which the player needs to take into account the situation all the time, adapt to comrades. And the unsportscent child is not able to cope with the requirements, and, feeling that he brings the rest, he constantly experiencing stress. And it would be better for him to try himself in another sport, individual.

Thinking a little, mom and dad decided to give a disability in the fight section, judging that knowledge of techniques would come in handy in life, if anything can stand for himself.
But, not looking at the right, according to coaches, the physique, unsportsmanlike child and was not delayed there. The coach asked the parents to pick up the kid, because he constantly broke the discipline: he was very boring to repeat the same exercise many times.

In general, this very baby visited in several sports sections, but did not go through the month, as he was asked to stop attending classes or he himself refused to go to them. In complete despair, the parents appealed for consultation to the children's psychologist.

Important!
The optimal time for sports is early morning or evening. In the morning it is better to go to an empty stomach class, in the evening - at least one and a half hours after meals and at least two hours before sleep.
Do not let go of the child in the section, if the temperature even slightly rose or other signs of the inflammatory process appeared.

On a note: Child S. chronic diseases Do not give in the section:

Boxing
-Rugby
-American football
-Carate

Where do unfortunate children come from?

In the past ten years, the idea healthy image Life was so captured by the minds and the hearts of people, which became even somehow indecent not to do any sport for their own recovery. And modern parents seek as early as possible to attach their children to sports. For example, there are not only special charging for newborns, but also a program of developing classes in the pool, and for older children a whole range of sports activities is offered. But what to do, if all attempts to attach a child to sports, does he meet resistance?

I often have to hear from adult complaints about the reluctance of children in sports. Most of all, parents of boys are experiencing. It is believed that the boy must necessarily play sports - this affects the formation of masculinity, male personal qualities. But what's wrong with the fact that the boy is taking calm classes requiring reflection and silence? Sports themselves will not make children more responsible and reliable.

Even parents are experiencing that the child loses interest in classes as soon as he ceases to get or it turns out that efforts should be made to achieve the result. On the one hand, I understand the alarm of moms and dads: because if the child is at such an age leaves before difficulties and does not seek to succeed, then what to expect from him next. On the other hand, you can understand the child. In preschool and younger school age before children and without sports, there are many "not simple" tasks: training at school (and for many studies begins much earlier - from 3-4 years old), the acquisition of communication skills with peers, adds difficulties and growing organism. Therefore, frequent sports are perceived by a child as another unpleasant duty.

For many children, sport is important as an opportunity to get rid of the accumulated energy, give output emotions, and only for some it is a way to assert themselves, achieving any success. It often happens that the types of sports activities offered by their parents do not correspond to any interests nor the temperament of the child. Conditionally, you can select several types of unsportsmen children.

Parents give children to sports sections to:

Grew strong, strong, healthy;
-Who, where to spill out excess energy;
-theli set goals and seek them;
- Wheel and endurance;
- they had to overcome fear;
- have been communicating in the new team;
- Waiting for the hope of parents;
- Protect in the future a highly paid profession.

Fidget.
He wants a quick result and permanent change of activity. This child does not suit sports requiring persistent and long-term training, such as gymnastics or figure skating. Such kid will suit classes, allowing to be in constant movement, such as a bike, some command Games. If the child is successful in his classes, he is captured by the spirit of competition, Azart appears and the desire to achieve more.
Charging for a small fidget should consist of many unauthorized movements, for example: jumped, turned over, scrupped on the ladder, hung up on the rings, jumped, sat down, stretched - and all this is under funny music.

Contemplator.
If a child from birth is thoughtful and calm, he is not interested in to run somewhere or something to reach. Having thoughtfully, he misses the balls, playing volleyball, and crashed along with a bike into a tree, looking at something interesting. He likes to watch and reflect, so it is best to do tourism, for example swimming on kayaks. Most importantly, do not allow the consumer for hours, loosen, sit at a computer or with a book in a stuffy room - you can read fresh air. And traditional seasonal classes will fit well as a warm-up, such as swimming in the summer river or skiing in winter. It does not interfere with it, and is a good physical activity.

Nonconformist.
This child is stubborn and peculiar, does not like to obey the requirements of others, refuses to do "like everything." Even if his proposed sport is attracted, he can refuse him if parents insist in class. He dreams stand out and distinguish. It is best for him to suit some extraordinary sport - fencing, horses, sports orienteering or classes, including physical training: martial arts, circus studio, sports dancing. It is advisable to just give such a child to know about the possibility to work out in a particular section, and not to give there by the hand and do not insist in classes.

Jonah.If the child is used to that he does not work, if he has low self-esteem And the high degree of uncertainty in themselves, he will grab any difficulty and, afraid of the next failures, does not even want to try to do something. But if the loser feels successful, then he will be engaged with pleasure and strive to achieve more. Selecting his classes, should first be focused on the identity of the teacher and the atmosphere in the team. Relationship between children should be benevolent, and not rival, and teacher - to be not too demanding who can support their wards. For a loser, it is better for individual sports than teams so that there is no fear of bringing the surrounding. And at first, it is better to avoid the competition and praise the child for the slightest achievements and even their absence.

Buy a child a sports complex: it develops a dexterity and allows you to manage your skills yourself. And the baby is happy to demonstrate his achievements to all native and friends who can come;

FROM early age Encourage the moving games of the child. Play with him in the salting, in the snowball;

Training a child to ski, skates, rollers, bike and so on, be benevolent, indulgent and not very persistent. Do not expect a child of great success, praise it as often as possible;

Encourage the seasonal entertainment of the child (swimming and cycling in summer, skiing and from a slide on sledding and icecalls - in winter). Swirl and swim along with your baby, and more fun, and safer, and in the process of the game it is easier to teach Chado;

Choosing a sports section for a child, you should always take into account the talent and interest of the baby, and not to give will to your vanity. Little man will benefit only those classes that give him pleasure.

If the child does not want to play sports

As practice shows, you can always pick up classes for tea that will allow you to maintain a good physical form and strengthen health. You can do it, not tormenting yourself or a child. The main thing is to solve for yourself whether you want the baby to be just healthy and strong, or you want to make a professional athlete from him. In the second case, it is necessary to be very careful in choosing a sport and training site.

Many children themselves sooner or later come to the thoughts about the need for sports, if they do not beat off any interest in sports activities in early childhood.

For example, one unsportsmanlike boy in the fourth grade wanted to play volleyball with friends, and he signed up in a school section. And the other girl only in the ninth grade thanks to the new teacher was fond of tourism and not only acquired new friends, but also got rid of the annual exhausting colds. And another painful and unsportsmanlike boy was so intimidated in the courtyard, that at 10 he found himself and signed up in the boxing section.

There is nothing terrible in that the child will not play at all. If he does not have sports interests, it is enough that he will lead a movable lifestyle, for example a lot to walk, and walk on foot, and engage in physical education at school.

Once, returning from the next unsuccessful workout, unsportsmanlike child said to Mom: "Now, if I myself solved, what I do, I would go dancing ..." And at six years, this unsportsmanlike kid became happy to engage in ballroom dancing, where he and The posture had to be followed, and to engage in charging, and in competition competitions to participate. But the main thing is that he really liked it very much. And sports parents ceased to worry and began to be proud of their unsportsmanlike child.

Author: Kravtsova Marina, Children's psychologist.
He graduated from the Faculty of Psychology of Moscow State University.
The author of the books: "If a child is telling a lie," if the child takes other people's things, "if the child is fighting," if the child does not like to read, "Eksmo Publishing House," Children-Route. Psychological work With the problem "Publisher" Genesis ".

"Hours - light" told us from year to year in the year of the teacher and parents. But our school has long remained somewhere, behind. Now we serve the same words to our children. But not all schoolchildren agree with this statement. Some children learn with interest, bringing home from the top five, and others do not want to take on textbooks. Why is the child loses interest in studying, if first everything was fine?

The first few classes parents sit down for their homework along with the baby, and this is normal. That is how, gradually, by the teaching of a small schoolboy to independently, it is possible to teach him and to independent studies. At first, it is necessary to control the entire process completely, helping and instructing, then you need to leave a child one and only to check what he did and everything is correct. And so step by step up to 4-5 class. By this time, students are becoming quite independent and in constant control do not need. But if the diary began to appear three and two, as well as comments from teachers - it's time, as before, take everything into your hands. This suggests that your student has something went wrong. And the task of parents in a similar situation is not in ensuring complete control over the fulfillment of the homework, but in clarifying the causes of what is happening and eliminated.
The child can lose interest in his studies, if he did not understand something, in the next lesson, this misunderstanding has become even more and further, on the increasing, until it reached the complete indifference to study. Why learn and try to make a given home, if anything does not work? If the reason for a misunderstanding of the subject or theme, you will easily see it. Your help or tutor is required. It cannot be said that tighten the child on some subject easily. Especially hard, if we are talking about teenagers 12-14 years old, which often observed absentness and insufficient attentiveness. You will need a lot of patience and time. And most importantly - do not scold young schoolboy for not understanding you explained. Do not compare it with anyone, do not orient on excellent students. So you just underestimate the student's self-esteem and aggravate the problem.

Another thing, if the reason is not in the subject, but in the personal problems of the schoolchildren. If he quarreled with a friend, fell in love or lost the title of the leader in the classroom, experiences due to what was happening will come to the first place, removing his studies to the background. In this case, it will have to somehow find out the reason for what is happening, to know what exactly the young schoolboy is worried. After that, try to help him find the most correct way out of the current difficult situation, solve the task. We will not be able to themselves - go to a psychologist. Sometimes the relationship in the classroom acquires such forms that even parents do not forces, but what to say about the child.

The third reason is a common attitude in class or even at school. If the class leaders demonstrate their naughty attitude towards studying and pull all other students behind themselves, it will have to make a lot of effort to convince the child not to go about such people. To express yourself, not to go after the team - it is very hard, and it can even happen that you have to change the school. When solving this problem, you need to be particularly careful because setting up a child to study, you can configure the whole class against it. Alas, modern schoolchildren are just something incomprehensible and sometimes scary. Be careful, think carefully every step.

As you can see, the reasons are a lot, and most important for you - it is correct to understand your child, find it weakness And make it stronger. After all, if the diagnosis is correct and accurately, it has already been done.

The first of September came, the child went to school. This is his very first call and the first lesson. You are overwhelmed pride, because he has already grown and became independent.

He waited so long and prepared for this festive Day. For the first time goes to school with such pleasure, and therefore, it will be good to learn. Parents are also happy and think that they will not have to worry about learning.

It takes several months or a year and all the hopes of parents to have a good study crash. The child ceases to like school classes. Often this happens when switching to the second class. The load is increasing, teachers start demanding more from children. After all, you need to master large quantity material. Sometimes the child loses interest in studying after 3-4 weeks of school visits. In some cases, the problems begin in the fifth or sixth class, although there were no problems before that.

Causes for which children do not want to learn

The main reason, due to which the desire disappears to learn, is often the absence of motivation. During the next scandal, your child begins to ask the question: "Why did I give up this study?". He can't understand why so much time to give uninteresting school tasks. After all, I want to play with friends or to a computer, watch TV. Basically, children in junior grade behave.

This is due to the fact that children under 13, due to their age, do not build plans for the future. They still do not understand what they will grow up that it will be necessary to enter the institute and choose a profession. Kids think that parents will constantly take care of them. Usually with age it passes. Teens can also lose interest in learning. It happens for one simple reason - they see how people having higher education, live in poverty. At the same time, those who do not have a high intelligence have money, and success.

Or maybe the problem is surrounded

There is a chance that the problem may be surrounded by your child. Maybe he is not very a good relationship with classmates. Children can be quite cruel in relation to others. Perhaps your child is teased or even beat those who are ridiculously. In our modern schools There may be a situation where high school students are mocked and take money from those who are younger and weaker. The victim, as a rule, does not tell anyone from adults.

In addition to conflict with classmates, relationships may not work out with the teacher. As a rule, in junior grades, most of the items lead one teacher. The child turns out to be a hostage. It is almost in constant stress. The psyche of the child may suffer from this. But the school is not to blame. Very much on the behavior of children affects the situation in the family. Maybe this way the child simply protests against your methods of upbringing?

One of the reasons is fatigue

From classes you can get tired not only physically, but also intellectually. The easiest way to restore physical forces, it is only necessary to eat fully and get enough sleep. It is worse with intellectual or emotional fatigue. Perhaps you will have to seek help from a specialist. The psychologist will be able to sort out the problem and solve it.

Parents want their child to be the smartest, the best student in the classroom and at the same time visited several more circles. Because of this, emotional and mental exhaustion can happen. It happens that both children, especially girls, want to be the best, smartest. To achieve their goal, they are constantly engaged. The first time everything comes out, but at one fine moment everything changes, mental state deteriorates. The memory becomes worse, the material is not remembered, the concentration of attention is reduced.

Children who are accustomed to win is very hard to endure their inability to be the first. They reduce the overall self-esteem. Parents, instead of support, begin to criticize. All this together mentally presses the child, he does not see the point of trying and strengthens in the opinion of his media. Successful schoolchildren disappears every desire to learn.

The most common reasons are considered above, due to which children lose interest in their studies. What can parents do? First of all, it is worth talking to your child, without criticizing him, and find out why such a situation has developed. If an emotional breakdown occurred, then the only correct solution - This is an appeal to a specialist. The psychologist will help correct motivation. In the case when there was a conflict with classmates or with a teacher, just transfer the child to another educational institution. Do not leave your child one on one with a problem. Help him change the view of the current situation. Your understanding and trust will help him to realize and try something to change.

A child who goes to school with joy, without reminders sits down homework, active in the lessons, learns with interest, is the dream of all parents. But, as you know, if in primary classes Almost all the children go willingly, then in high school, the desire to learn from the majority disappears.
What are the causes of falling interest in learning and what can parents make to help the child avoid disappointment in the educational process?

Mini-study

Students of the second classes asked to answer the question: "What lessons do you like, and what no and why?" The guys listed a variety of school items, beloved and unloved.
Here's how schoolchildren explained their attitude:

The reasons for which the lessons like:

• "I'm wondering"
• "I want to be smart, competent"
• "I want to know a lot"
• "I love teachers who lead these lessons"
• "When something is obtained in this lesson - joy appears"

The reasons for which the lessons do not like:

• "Bored"
• "Put bad estimates"
• "Title"
• "Nothing happens"
• "Do not like the teacher who leads this lesson"

This mini-study shows that the main intensive forces in the process of studying for a child are interest in studied, their own successes in class and good relations with the teacher.

About successes

In psychology, there is a notion "learned fail." So call the condition when a person thinks in advance that he will not succeed and therefore does not even try to solve a difficult task, it does not begin to learn something new. The surrounding the impression is that the child is lazy, once does not want to even try. However, precisely adults, and first of all parents, are to blame for the fact that the child has fallen hands and he stopped believing in own forces. After all, all its achievements are depreciated by the overestimated requirements from parents.
Parents, waiting too much from their children, a conversation with a psychologist begin with words: "In our family, everyone studied well, graduated from school with a gold medal, have a red diploma. Always were excellent, etc. It is sincerely unclear how this can be studied on the fours, and the troops are perceived as a testimony of laziness or the complete absence of abilities in a child.
Some parents, although they consider their children capable, more often pay attention to the mistakes and failures of the child than on his successes, hoping to encourage him to try even more. However, the constant underscore makes great harm - the schoolboy comes to the conclusion that, despite all his efforts, he is unable to justify the expectations of the parents. The child ceases to believe in his strength, loses interest in any intellectual or creative activity.
It happens that parents specifically underestimate the achievements of very capable children so that they are not indulging. Because of this, the child does not receive pleasure from his success, he constantly seeks to achieve more to finally earn the encouragement of relatives.
Even becoming adults and independent, such people all the time strive to prove their competence and significance to someone.

What to do?

Avoid talking on the topic that everyone in the family was excellent and that the only acceptable mark is a five. It is necessary to show the child that you are happy to be even small, from your point of view, successes.
It is impossible to inform the child that you put a cross on it if he did not meet your expectations, for example, in the field of mathematics. Perhaps his vocation - Humanitarian sciences?
It should not be intimidated by children to learn not to become a homeless, janitor, etc. In adolescence, such notations often lead to the opposite result - a child, desperate to achieve something or comply with the ideas of adults who have lost interest in the learning process, begins to defiatively declare that he dreams of becoming a janitor so that he was left alone.
So, once a thirteen year old boy to the question, who he wants to be, replied that as soon as she finished school, he would become a soldier. Natives all the time threatened to him that if he would learn so, then he would not be worthwhile from him, scolded, considered a loser. A teenager decided to become a soldier, because there is no need to strive for anything, and anyway he knows nothing. In addition, he can get rid of permanent accusations and notations from loved ones.
Do not devalue the achievements of the child, assessing his work. For example, we should not say: "It is also good that you have put a teacher" four ". I would not put on such an essay of the above "Troika".

About interest

Many parents are experiencing that their children are not very interested in studying, they work "from under the stick", lazy. Often you can hear from adults that the child is indifferent not only to study, he is not interested in anything. And then in a conversation with a psychologist, approximately such words sound: "Yes, he is not interested! What we just offered to him - he wants nothing! What will happen next with him? " In response, I want no less emotionally to argue: "There may be no particular interest to the child!"
Parents should be thought: do not offer to the child what you are interested in themselves, but not him? Perhaps in his refusal of the proposed classes, is the desire to show independence? Or the child cannot succeed in the proposed activities, because he has no tendency to them, and you prevent too high demands, and he is afraid to justify them?
The boy to the eighth grade completely ceased to be interested in studying, although in primary school It was one of the most capable and favorite students from all teachers. In high school, he gradually rolled on the top three, often did not make homework, conflicted with teachers. Immediately after talking "souls" with class teacher He was taken for the mind, quickly crashed lost, succeeding, but after a while again fell off.
It turned out: parents explained to him that he should teach mathematics and foreign languageto enroll in prestigious university, Become a lawyer or economist, to earn good and go to work abroad. But the boy was interested in humanitarian sciences, he successfully played in the theater studio, walked on classes on the modeling and from the first class I dreamed of seriously engaged in football.
Chatting with a psychologist about his professional future, he said: "We must enter the mathematical class," and in his voice, longing and dooms were heard. But how did his tone change when he talked about his successes in the modeling, theater or football! However, he refused to consider any of these hobbies as his future professionBy setting by "adults" questions: "Who will I work? How much will I get? " Naturally, parents did not take his hobbies seriously.
The contradiction between the tendencies of the boy and inspired by the installation on the "right education" caused his spiritual discomfort, and this tension was poured into conflicts with teachers and classmates, reluctance to learn.
Lack of interest in study, that is, boredom, naturally leads to the emergence of laziness - a universal defender from the useless (according to the child) of activity. In adolescence, this problem becomes the most relevant, since the main interests from the cognitive sphere move to the sphere of communication. And then the study turns into a boring and boring service.
Children do not understand why they might need most school items, but to learn well and to be a "favorite" among teachers means losing prestige in the eyes of peers. Parents cannot force adolescents not only to sit for lessons, but also to perform elementary duties around the house - wash the dishes, go to the store or work on garden plot. All this seems to them with a dreary, monotonous and tear off the opportunity to spend time at their discretion.

What to do?

Watch for the child (this concerns children of younger school age): what he willingly play how he likes to spend his free time, as he speaks with interest. Finding out which area of \u200b\u200bknowledge most attracts your child, help him apply this interest in practice. You can agree with the teacher so that he gives the task of the schoolboy to prepare a report or make a newspaper for his topic that interests. The child will believe in his strength and wants to develop further, if he feels competent. An indisputable fact: I wonder what happens, and the best thing is that it is interesting.
Find out a schoolboy that it is he who studies in this moment By this or that object. Distribute, admit that you do not know something or remember. Let them explain to you. Some children will dismiss such issues and say that they do not remember or do not want to discuss. It is not worth insist. You can provoke a discussion of some academic topics of the film about animals or performances, you can "slip" a textbook on entertaining physics or chemistry to the child.
Teach the child to maintain the tone, that is, the working condition of the body. Laziness takes the most catastrophic character in cases where a person tires physically or mentally. Each weekend should be filled with really rest, not shock labor in the country or repair. In any difficult and boring business, teach the child to find a pleasant or take breaks to, for example, drink a glass of juice, play with a dog, read your favorite book. Cancel night vigils in front of the TV or a computer (this rule, like everyone else, should be common to the whole family).
Discuss with children as intersected different areas Knowledge. For example, as knowledge of geography can be useful in the lessons of history and literature.
Do not blame the child in the fact that he does nothing, "But you are in his years ...". Such conversations are able to cause a protest only, and not to encourage urgently to do something or interest. A teenager at best will smile to himself and think: "Well, what did you achieve?" By the way, in "Your" years, the possibilities and requirements were completely different, the world has changed and continues to change.
Ask a child what is from his point of view, "willpower" and is it from him? Can he force himself to perform a very interesting task? Does the effort be able to focus on the lesson or even trying? Explain to the schoolboy that it is necessary to develop not abstract willpower, but a completely concrete, relating to any intention - get "excellent" on the exam in mathematics, learn english etc.
Together with the child, create a plan: which steps should be taken. Help not retreat from the outlined.

About relationship

Often, the child cannot succeed because of the bad relationship with the teacher. The first grader in this case is offended and complains of his relatives: "Maria Ivanovna never praised me in front of the whole class," and the teen stops cooking lessons, starts to walk.
One tenth-grader strolled physics lessons, explaining his dislike for the subject of the fact that the teacher who teaches them for the second year has never turned to her by name (although other students called names). Attitude towards the subject, which was given to the girl with difficulty, has changed dramatically after the teacher began to contact her by name.
Adults are important to consider that difficulties in relationships with teachers may arise both by the fault of the teacher and the fault of the student itself. Parents often say that the teacher makes or dislikes their child, without thinking that, perhaps, the schoolboy does not fulfill the elementary requirements of the teacher, ignores the common rules for all the rules on the lesson, etc.

What to do?

We must try to understand what the reasons for the child's dislike for this subject. A schoolboy can somehow understand that he does not have relationships with the teacher. You can ask and ask about it, but not directly, but just ask who and how to teach one or another item.
Parents can come for advice to the teacher himself. It is impossible to start a conversation with accusations and questions like: "Why do you poison my child?" Ask what the teacher has complaints about a schoolboy. The teacher may be bad to the student, constantly not ready for the lesson. Make sure that the child has everything you need for this lesson. If the teacher sees that his subject is considered important, trying, it will change their opinion about the student.
Adults should not share school items on important and not important, as the child will begin to count. Because of this, he can spoil relationships with teachers.
In a difficult situation, you should seek help to a psychologist.

In no case cannot be affected by the child to the upcoming study and the difficulties of this study, it is not necessary to say that you have always had only fives and everything always got at once (think so is it really?).
Do not try to replace the teachers, demanding more from the child than it is set (for example, write a non-one line in the recius, but a whole page; to rewrite at many times the homework, until it is performed perfectly).
In their expectations, it is necessary to proceed from the real possibilities of the child. Do not demand a long tension from a quickly tired, unreasonable schoolboy. Regarding the day mode for your child, consult a psychologist.
Show interest K. learning activities Child, for example, look for the right books or information on the Internet. But do it not instead of a child, and with him. Once and forever, give up the habit of writing for schoolchildren, essays, etc.
Do not be afraid of bad marks more than their child is afraid. In addition, it should not be forcing him in order to do everything on "excellent." The child is useful to get what he deserves.

Nobody is insured against errors. Especially if this is speech About failures in school, because the path of learning a ternist, and the child is not only successful on it. There will be ups and downs, victories and lesions, joyful smiles and tears. And on this background, many children's failures seem adult naive, not worthy of attention. After all, it is so easy to dismiss the child, slightly begging or, promising that, they say, grow up, and everything will cope with everything. But such a superficial response is erroneous. The child's failure you need to go through, and make the kid to make a lesson from this situation.

Paradox: There is not a single person on Earth that would not be mistaken, but the word "error" or "failure" is not only for first grades, but for many adults remains a word, full alarm and discomfort!

The desire for improving itself, the surrounding world is the natural need of all people. This is the creative and creative part of our human essence, thanks to which we once again emphasize the "elitism" of their existence and the difference from the entire animal community. Sad, when it develops into an obsessive idea or perfectionism.

After all, besides the desire for perfection, except for creativity and creation, we do and the ability to make a mistake. If under humanity to understand good, sympathy, the desire to come to the rescue, then humanity is directly related to the adoption of its imperfection.

But the perception of the world through the prism of the perfectionism is painted by constant irritation about the imperfection of the whole surrounding in general and working notebook Your child in particular.

So how to respond to the failures of the child and how to help him cope with them?

What are the reasons for fear of failure in a child

The concept of "Starry Disease" corresponds to such qualities as Zaznimacy, Paphos, disregard for people who have overestimated requirements for others - all this is nothing but the loss of the feeling of its imperfection, faith in ideality and the desire to maintain their status. Undoubtedly, talented people cause admiration for their creativity and achievements, but - ask yourself - are you ready to ask for help to a person, let the talented but infected "star disease"?

But we, adults, are often susceptible to the symptoms of "Star Disease" in relations with children. Basins to catch a similar illness, always enough: and incommensurately greater life experience, and definitely deeper and extensive knowledge about the world, and the admiring glances of a little fan. The child believes in our perfection! But for him, the most like faith is a lot of difficulties: from uncertainty and challenge to a frank riot. In general, the cause of fear of failure in a child is to fear inconsistencies with the requirements of the "Star", fear of disappointing, mistaken and, as a result, the inability to perceive failure as an inevitable attribute of human life.

So let's make sure that we, parents, correctly - that is, we are constructively and without unnecessary emotions - treat our mistakes, and therefore we will help in this difficult business and their children.

Parents for children are "stars", wizards. Which of us did not dreamed of becoming big? Oh, this adult life! What a halo of romance, and most importantly, the power was she washed, when we looked at her through the prism of their children's capabilities. In addition, the look from the bottom up initially does not imply equality. Just admiration and some helplessness. Adults can all, they are all complaints, they can buy ice cream and candies, know how to ask someone else's aunt, they can unravel any node, know where Piranhas are found and where children are taken from. Surely everyone will have its own list of "miracles." And if child admiration is competed by parental perfectionism, even in easy formOur little schoolchildren will be in a very difficult and disturbing situation.

Let's first explor our parents - the attitude to ideality. As they say, an apple from the apple tree ...

You, like everyone else, sometimes you want to look like a perfect person. For you, this means - bold, always assembled, confident, knowing what to answer at the right moment. A such that cannot but cause admiration, - I want to admire! However, from all this action it fits lies and boredom. It is humanly mistaken to a man, and the lack of failures and the fall of ideality deprive the heroes of the film of humanity. Agree to observe perfect, perfect work washing machine or vacuum cleaner boring.

There are such cases when you simply unable to understand how such wonderful parents who everyone knows and understand may be such an unfortunate child! How to figure out what's wrong here, what to rely on and where to move? These are heavy moments for me - much more pleasant to feel your own competence. The feeling of insolvency - inspired. In such cases, you have sincerely recognize that while you understand little that you need more information. And I must say that the ability to make such recognition is considered to be their big victory. As a rule, after some time the information is, and often the most unexpected way.

Condeming children for school failures, you activate the effect of your own installations that are absorbed in childhood. Messages can be both verbal - in the form of phrases and emotional - in the form of a reaction to the act. In the office of a psychologist, you can track them, pull out, consider, evaluate, weighed, make a revaluation of such messages. And then two ways: the installation can be thrown out of its storeroom, like an unnecessary coat, and you can smooth, fit and wear with pleasure.

As parents react to school failures

Pay attention to your attitude to ideality (perfectionism), on how it manifests itself how hard it is to make imperfect work of your activities.

Now keep track of how you pass your own attitudes to your child (phrases, facial expressions, exclamations, gestures, cry, sigh ...).

Following an important step On the way to cope with the failures of the child, is to recognize its own mistakes in communicating with the child.

Forgive your own imperfection. If you can forgive yourself, you can make it easier to accept uneven hooks in the cuts, and a broken glass.

Find what you get good, for which a child loves you.

Unfortunately, one reading here does not achieve an effect. I don't care what to talk about the taste of a fetal fetus, not allowing it to try.

The first and most important thing we can do for our children on the way to constructive attractive attitude to failure is to dispel the myth about the ideality of adults: more often talk about your mistakes, about your experiences about this.

I want to warn! Avoid talking to children: "I lost a wallet and was not upset at all" or something in such a kind. This is once again reminding them of your "sufficient." Be sure to tell about your genuine experiences and explain how you deal with it.

And if you really did not upset, tell me something like: "Well, is it in order of things? Everyone can lose something, because of what to get upset here? "

But be careful not to fall into another extreme! Do not overload the child's psyche overly an emotional story or behavior. Let the children remain just children - they are not expected to cope with the emotions of adults.

Tips of the psychologist:

• Parents personify themselves for a child the stability of the world, so protect children from parent hysterics!
• Pay attention to what phrases you sat down with your child space.
• The phrases like: "Only stupid, lazy or weaklings are mistaken," Everything, for which you take, should be perfect, otherwise I just don't try "," If you are mistaken, I do not like you "- try not to pronounce. Such manifestations of our parent perfectionism are very bad on our children.

Many mothers and dads will sigh with relief: "Well! We definitely do not speak of these children. " And it is true. But ... Post by me. Sometimes it happens that the words say the right, but the reaction of Pope and Moms - for children's misses, and their own too - while this ...

The Council of the psychologist:

• Learn to respond calmly into small household failures: Spilled milk, lost mittens, drop in dirt.

Practice in advance, slow down the phrases and at the right moment just sympathize with the baby. Do not say that neat children do not distinguish milk that attentive do not lose mittens and do not fall into the puddles. Ask better if you do not need to change the shirt, did he not frozen the handle without a mittens, did he hit if he fell. Accent attention not at the very bad child's failure, but on how to fix the situation: wipe the milk, to look for milk, tie or find a new pair, a dirty jacket is wrapped, broken knees to lubricate with green. It is especially useful to connect the child's order to restore the order of the child, given, of course, his age capabilities.

Tips for a psychologist who will help teach children to experience failures with minimal psychological losses:

• Reports to a child what you love him, even wrong (inattentive, forgetful, awkward ...).
• Speak him about his love just like that, without context, bad - good. Follow the phrases: "I feel good with you", "It's great that you are!".
• Praise any actions of a child with which he can surpass you. Especially important is praise from the parent of the same sex as the child.

Oedipus complex - So the competitive relationship between the son and the Father is called. The same relations between the daughter and mom are called the Elektra complex. Competition occurs when a child is about five to six years. If you do not understand all the underwater currents of the unconscious and sexual energy, one thing will remain true and simple for understanding: the girl is included in women's World, and a boy, respectively, in male. The natural and nearest representative of its sex for the child are parents. The boy begins to relate himself to his father, the girl with his mother and - where without it - compete!

Most healthy behavior Parents during this period - a confident and peaceful invitation to your world, male or female, support in finding yourself and maintaining the position of the elder. It is important to enable the opportunity to compete and defeat a couple of times. Often, adults not only do not provide opportunities to face forces, but simply do not allow the idea of \u200b\u200bthe competition in relation to the relationship.

Tips of the psychologist:

• For girls, you can arrange a joint cooking of salads, and then praise: "I did not work well to mix well at your age (option: cut, clean ...)." Praise even more desirable if it would relate directly to what is happening: "You managed to clean the eggs better than me."
• Attach the girl to choose a hairstyle (option: the choice of pan, the colors of the thread ...) and then approve the choice of it with the words: "Your idea is clearly better than mine."
• For boys, you can arrange a comic battle with dad and the subsequent victory of the younger generation. Do not worry that this is a game in giveaway, the most important thing is the resulting sensation of triumph or equality with such a large and authoritative father.
• Praise the boy for decisiveness, courage in some situations in words: "I wouldn't succeed like that, and you are a man!" etc.

Shining from purity Girl with bows on the head and washed rosy boy with a neat surgery - here is an ideal idea of \u200b\u200ba child who is in the main parent mass. These cute images for Christmas cards do not have, unfortunately, nothing to do with childhood requests and children's psyche. It is sad that parents spend a lot of strength and nerves as their and the child to create such wonderful children.

From year to three leading activities, the kids are subject-manipulative. So, a rigid restriction of actions related to subject experiments (transfusion, crossing, pushing, scattering, picking, pushing, unchending, breaking, passing through the fingers, etc.), leads to a limitation in development.

What does all this have to do with our schoolchildren and fear of failure? The most direct one. The desire to take a wet and dirty wand in 2 years in intensity and importance is equal to the desire to bring a flat wand in the notebook. Constantly scolding the child for non-accuracy in preschool age, we get a neat, but anxious schoolboy. As an example, I will give an episode that occurred on the playground.

Widow attacking, you can move to more serious things, for example, make a picture on the sample, a figure from the designer or another task where the rules are required. The goal here is not the development of attention, memory, motility, arbitrariness, and training your own benevolent attitude towards the failures of the child.

The result of the completed exercise or pattern should not be correct, but a good self-esteem of your schoolchildren.

• Start the task in a good mood.
• You will be helped by the work of the previous exercise for the search for resource state. Try to cause sensations and feelings with which your little meditation about the love of the child was filled. Holding this mood in yourself, it will be easier for you to treat benevolently to what will happen.
• The task should be interesting to the child.
• Keep a small distance (hanging, literally, over a child, you inform him about your concern and disbelief in his strength).
• Help only when he asks him.
• Try to praise a lot if something happened. Notice Casual errors.
• Do not insist on the correction, if the child suits his work.
• The ability to take your imperfect work is very important and equally taking itself, and your calm contemplation of this is tantamount to the message: "I love you, even if you are wrong." Remember that the target therapeutic, which means the curves of the lines and oblique sides will not harm anyone, they will not put the assessment, the teacher will not scold.

And do not forget to read fairy tales to children. The goal of fairy tales is to reduce the fear of failure, to form a relation to misses as a normal phenomenon of life. The fairy tale can be read entirely, but during the classes I came to the conclusion that it is better to share a fairy tale into two semantic parts. The first is to attach to the image of the hero, his feelings, the formation of a relationship to the error as a normal phenomenon. The second is the formation of an algorithm for constructive action to correct an error.

Someone may have the impression that fear of failure is inherent only to disturbing and sensitive children, but it is not. Excessive perfectionism in the behavior of parents and abuse their authority acts the same on children with different temperaments. Only their protective reactions can be different: to start something new from fear - until desire to be only the first.

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