Meetings with a former wife after divorce inflate. A man communicates with the ex-wife: what to do and how to save the family. The usual reaction of the former spouse

Former wives, especially if they are offended by her husband, often prone to provoke conflicts. Then they do not want to give children a man, they insult him and his new woman. It is very difficult in such a situation a man to hold back and behave so as not to provoke new conflicts. And a man in confusion. The fact is that you better behave calmly and do not give in to provocations from my wife. If a woman is in disadvantage, and you want to get it back again, then take patience. You will need a lot of effort before she believes you again. Now for sure is not the best time to return my wife. Do not eat on it, do not try to explain anything. The wife is now very offended, annoyed and reminds the hedgehog. It is absolutely impossible to talk to her. Each your conversation will inevitably complete the scandal, the wife will reproach, she will tell what a bastard you are. To believe it is difficult for her now, if you have gone very much.

But there is one important point that you must inspire. Women always want to save the family and often dream to return her husband. This means that you have every chance. But you do not need to return the spouse so that it seems to make you a favor, accepting you. Make a pause relationship, I assure you that there will be a moment when my wife herself wants to talk to you. If she does not call whether you won't write to you after a while, do it you first. Do not rush, you should not discuss the past relationship with my wife. Start all with a clean sheet. But you may have another situation, not such when you guessed and left the family. Your wife could get away from you to another man. And this situation is much more complicated by the previous one. But it can be found out of it.

To begin with, you must leave the spouse alone, stop haunting it and in no case do not interfere with her relationship with this new man. Do not think that you can destroy them, you just strengthen them. And I do not recommend doing this. Think about the fact that you know my wife better than her new lover. And she repeatedly told you that she was not satisfied with it, which she was unhappy. She could express everything directly or veiled. But she certainly did it. Just so my wife could not leave. There were good reasons, there was something that disappointed it in you, there was a boredom in a relationship, or your treason, dismissive attitude, you could stop behaving in marriage as a man. There are many options, but usually there are several reasons. And you should think about them.

Now start correcting everything that led to such a sad outcome. No one promises that it will be easy. But if you want a spouse to return, you should try. If you are associated with common children and sometimes you see, keep calm, keep yourself smoothly and slightly indifferent and do not succumb to provocations if your wife wants to provoke. She can tell you, seeing your indifference that she is happy that she is going to marry that she found a dream man. Reveal for her and start changing, getting successful, the best. I assure you, your new man's wife doesn't know your wife too well, they have a quarrel without your help. And you must be worthy. And the spouse will certainly want to be with you.

If you are strongly configured to return your girlfriend, I recommend reading the book of Sergei Sadkovsky and Oleg Ideal, how to return the former girl. Many positive feedback. You can download it on the link below:

The phrase "let's stay friends" sounds from the mouths of many after the breaking of the relationship. It is clear that during the time living together, the spouses are confidential and close relationships. You spent some time cut together, but as life shows, the status of former spouses rarely remain friends.

And if the former husband still remains, the situation acquires other forms, complicates the future and current relations. Why wives communicate with former husbands, and why former spouses remain friends after parting? We will try to find answers to these questions ...

I am in third marriage. Husband - in the latter.
Maya Quartova

Causal communication

In the overwhelming majority parting is a heavy process for one of the parties.. Therefore, there are two points of view regarding the consequences of the gap, where one of them adheres to the opinion of the gradual healing of the Russian Academy of Sciences through communication with the former spouse.

And often it happens that for a long time the relationship in one form or another is supported by a woman. The main reasons for why wives communicate with former husbands, become:

Denial of what is happening. A person has a feature: if something falls apart, it was lost, regardless of sexuality, the main protective mechanism turns on. In this case, the woman is protected by the denial of the fact that these relationships in the past and trying to some way to keep them in the present. An example of a phenomenon can be the history of the actor Marat Basharov and a new spouse. Development of negative outcome contributed to a joint accommodation with the former spouse. New relationships stumbled upon confrontation from the ex-wife and actor director in one person.
Illusion of relationships. If it is impossible to glue a broken cup, through communication with a former husband, even knowing about the new relations of the former husband and the appearance of a child in a new, woman retains the illusion of a special relationship. In this state, women often live the expectation that the new family of her husband collapses, and he will return. Here you can talk about the fact that the person is "frozen" in his grief about the break and is not ready to let go of the previous story.
Dependent behavior. It happens so that there is no longer any love, but the woman does not represent after the break as being alone. For her to be one - a terrible loss. Then the wife begins to cling to chat with a former husband not because of a deep feeling, but because it is terrible to stay alone. It works as a psychological asylum, which a woman has in order not to build a new relationship. Live in the past - the way is not to be here and now.
Territoriality. A woman who keeps in the field of view of the former partner, despite the fact that she has another life - a way to show his power. It often happens that a person goes to another family, but continues under any pretext to be implemented in former relations. The main reason for such behavior is the principle of territoriality. The men's principle of action is inherent in the position of some women with a powerful property instinct. His personification serves the history of the relationship of Margarita and Lion hobot in the movie "Pokrovsky Gate". Communication from the position of territoriality is the way not to give an ex-husband to be happy.

Special degree relationship

Is there any special relationships? After all, it has nothing to hide from each other, already lived together and saw weaknesses, thin nuances are known. Joint values \u200b\u200band projects depends on the stage of relationships. If everything passed, the nuances and interests are departed on the periphery of consciousness and are secondary. If still the rate of settlement of endorphins is delayed after parting, the woman is experiencing love and craving for the object of feelings.

The perfect option is the ability to let go of the past. Past must remain in the past. Otherwise you can "freeze" and drag past in the present. Communication with the former should be considered as a part of the past. For example, like a kindergarten, school or favorite section.

Triangle

There is another point of view on the relationship with the former partner: friendship between a woman and a man does not happen. Event development options in this case:

A woman is experiencing sexual attraction to a former partner, and he is not.
Reverse of sexual attraction (a former husband wants his wife).
Mutual attraction.

In these three cases, the new chief of the woman acts as the temporary replacement of those relations, and the former husband is not in the past, he presents it. She lives with another man only because her former does not want to take it back. Therefore, a woman puts up with the presence of a new chosen one. In fact, her relationship there, which the new partner calls former. He is not her former, and you are temporary.

I don't believe your husband that we just slept!
Olga Arefieva

When people break up, they most often do it with hostility to each other. If even the hostility was not, they had an annoyance on their soul and people do not want to remind themselves about unpleasant feelings, avoiding communicating and meetings. Human nature is so arranged that he wants to remove an irritant from his life, resembling the past. Therefore, when 2 people break up, they are isolated from each other. Common business and communication with a former husband there is nothing but a bridge that allows one of the parties to maintain its relationship and gain access to the object of love.

A woman asks for help or herself helps former in the hope of renewing relations. In the head of the woman it sounds like this: "Still, this is not quite a gap, and new relationships begin in friendship." Woman intently monitors the situation, looking for a reason for the new Vittle of Love.

How to react a man if the wife supports relationships with the former?

In this situation, a new husband should cease to be a spare airfield. Specific actions can be:

Direct and understandable requirement for the cessation of relationships and communicating with a former husband, the requirement to exclude a former man with social network pages and phone. You should not pour with charges and show aggression, so you only remove it more. Tell me that you feel unpleasant feelings about these relationships and do not intend to endure disrespect for yourself.
After a frank conversation, it makes sense to put ultimatum if communication with a former husband continues. So you will be confident in true attitude to you.
Show attention. This measure will help to calm the woman if the reason for communication with the former lies in jealousy to you.
Play yourself in relationships with the former. It may not be actually in reality, but fictional.
Assign a meeting former husband. Not every man is under power, but by talking with a former man's beloved girl, you can learn a lot about the parent. Such a conversation can have both positive and negative results.
Take a decision on parting. If your arguments do not act on a woman, and it continues to show disrespect, here is one way out - you think about yourself and finish this connection.

You divorced and are not going to restore marriage and love relationships, but there are general children, a business or other need for meetings. How to make this communication as comfortable as possible? We will try together with the portal observer to deal with the difficulties of post-family life.

Scandal and hatred

People rarely diverge peacefully. Typically, there is a beating of dishes, mutual accusations, shouting of hatred and tightening to their side of children and acquaintances. And the main desire to dissolved marriage is no longer found with a person who turned out to be an invincible spouse.

First time after the divorce, do not raise yourself and do not meet with a former husband or wife. It is necessary to recover morally and consciously prepare for the next step (if you, of course, are generally going to do it). As a rule, after a divorce, most childless couples cease to communicate, because they do not see meaning. But if there is a common child, communication somehow has to continue.

How to start communicating after a divorce?

Experts advise: Talk. This turns out to be the most difficult, because the resentment of each other often does not allow civilized to communicate and everything comes down to abundance. But in our age of cosmic velocities, virtual communication comes to the rescue. Yes, the correspondence in Internet messengers and the exchange of e-mails. What happens is difficult to say in the face, restraining emotions, it is much easier to write, edit and only after that send. Even if there is an uncontrollable desire to inform something unlucky, on paper or on the monitor screen this information will look more imperative. And only after some time of such communication, meet personally - when you feel that they are ready for it.

As happens in reality

Polina, 30 years old: In any case, you need to strive for the world. If a divorce happened, both are to blame. A woman pulls the blanket and at the same time blames in everything husband. But after all, I got married about love? As long as we look at the man as an application to the family, there will be nothing good. Family is a work and everyday education as a husband and her husband. After the divorce, it is necessary to strive to stay in good relations, since your children can repeat the negative family experience.

Alina, 29 years old: How to establish good relations with a former husband who threw us with a small daughter from a joint apartment, and alimony tiny, because he has a "black" salary in the envelope? With a rampant and full life of it. What can be generally related?! This is a place for me!

Correct from an unsuccessful marriage

Experts advise:your new relationship with the former spouse must be neutral-business. You are not going to be friends with him, but to support the minimum peaceful relationships in which you will be comfortable to your child. Therefore, you must get angry with all the best and bad that there was between you, otherwise it will not be possible to build comfortable for all intersection schemes in space. After all, despite the divorce, Choo should not lose not only the Father (so it happened that in our country children remain with mom), but also grandparents on his part.

It is proposed to imagine that your former spouse is your business partner who led you, but you need to continue to work further. Such abstraction from past offenses and setting up on the Impregnional Floor will significantly simplify life.

As happens in reality

Olga, 35 years old:Literally yesterday I tried to talk, find out why our dad does not bring money for six months. And he, you see, the money in business invests so that it is possible to give something to the children. And to the comment: "So children now need help and food, and every day, and not on weekends," he answered me: "I left me - so provide me, or I will take the children."

Do not manipulate the child

Experts advise: In no case cannot customize the child against the former spouse and his relatives, even if you really want to make it a tool to revenge. It is selfish and fraught with psychological injuries. Children are very worried about the divorce of parents, they often consider themselves to blame themselves in it, their world is so crumbling, and you still pour oil into the fire. Do not transfer your attitude to the former spouse for children. No "your dad threw us" or "Your mom's mom" - he continues to love you just like a divorce, and you do not have the right to spend the confidence in it in the fact that you did not love him less.

The most optimal option is to collect everyone together and clearly explain: yes, we broke up, because we had problems, and we will never live together, but you remain for us the most expensive person and our attitude to you has not changed.

As happens in reality

Alexey, 30 years old: I am divorced with my wife, we have a son. What we divorce does not mean that I do not want to see a child. I love him insanely, but unfortunately, the family collapsed. And if I left the house - it does not mean that I do not care about the child.
I want to see my son more often once a week and I want to take it at least one day to bring to my grandfather, or at the exhibition, or just fishing. Son 7 years. And I hope that when he grows, he will understand me.

Relatives of former spouse

Experts advise: Often, grandmothers and grandfathers are more experiencing the divorce of their children than themselves, and try to take the most carefully to participate in these "battles", protecting the child. And in no case cannot be deprived of them to communicate with your beloved grandson or granddaughter. It should simply be agreed that there should be no conversations about the divorce for your back, as they injured the child.

As happens in reality

Olga, 32 years: I absolutely do not interfere with the communication of the child with his legitimate grandparents. To be honest, I do not quite understand the opposite alignment, well, if it is unsafe for a child for some reason. Are there any situations in life when the child does not need people who love him and can teach him a lot?

Nastya, 28 years old:My current husband is confident that communication with former relatives leads to a split personality in a child. I agree with him. Son is confused in motivation, because Dad's former and current - absolutely different people in all respects. But the law obliges to resolve such communication ...

If the former spouse found a new couple

Experts advise:treat this as a natural course of events, because, breaking, you should have understood that your ex-half now becomes free, and then leaves you to another. It is important not to dwell on this event, because, the showering in it, you miss your own life and the opportunity to find your new love.

As happens in reality

Lisa, 34 years old: My former husband is a wonderful person, and we have normal relations after the divorce. Story? Yes, nothing like that. The first time, of course, was strained what to hide. But then we became just very good friends, and with his new wife too. She, by the way, introduced me to my present husband. This is the reality that you yourself can do if, of course, make efforts.

Talk about your successful and unsuccessful experience of communicating with former husbands and wives after a divorce. The question of how effective the advice of professional psychologists, remains open - every situation is extremely individual.

Tatyana Pedinnik

All Figures Figure, "This lady", a person-problem, "Queen-Mother", a snake Podkolodna - which epithets did not sound in the address of former wives / girls. They are displayed, attributing to the evil supreme, then they are lower than the level of sewerage, they say, "stupid and maras". However, this person should learn to evaluate objectively - if only because one day you risk to face it and know all the "charms" of situations where the former husband husband threatens your marriage.

What to do if the former wife husband does not give rest

And here it originated on the horizon. What if his former regularly or episodically delivers problems? For example, now calls now your partner with requests, blackmail to the child, accuses and exerted in different ways. Sometimes it gets to you: "Good people" a secret was voiced by the characteristics that it issues at your address. Hopefully that the tormented person herself will achieve and disappear stupid - you have to learn to live with it, more precisely - with this.

"Strange woman, strange ..."

Asks, why does she need it? Well, they lived, and then they did not live (together) - so forget, zaked, you can even not congratulate the ex with a happy birthday. Remember the kind word if there is a common child - decide purely parent questions: do not suway the nose in the personal life of the former. But this perfectly sounds in theory, in practice, such "high relationships" demonstrate units. The rest of the finely duct or turn into a serious test for the psyche of the obstacle in resignation and his new passion.

Motives "Club former Wives"

Women are the world "Dark Side of the Moon" for various reasons:

In the first place is, of course, resentment on the ex-spouse. He broke the invented scenario, where she was a princess, and he won't want to become a prince. He changed, did not provide, was a bad father - the desired option to emphasize or enter. After a dedicated offender, you will have to pay a high price, mainly in finance and nerves.
The second reason - the former does not want to go to the background. So it happens: for some reason the first wives always want to remain first. It is believed that the second and subsequent ladies are just their pathetic copy, a man's attempt to comfort. And all presents - feelings, deeds and property - allegedly got the first lady. And this (again allegedly) gives the right to edit the life of the former at his discretion, well, at least at any time of the day and night, ask him - to nourish the shelf, drive this spider, pick up a child at the weekend. Actually, ordinary egoism and the near mind, but do you feel more easily ...
Next on the agenda - ordinary harm. In principle, the divorce did not wound, the interests of the ladies and the child are observed, and it would be possible to let the ex-former on the equity, but do not want. There is a time and desire to show him who is having a deck, because power is so worn - and everything, the game begins.
And it happens the plot sadder: for example, a woman does not recognize the fact of parting, intends to return the man and relationship. Maybe the poor thing still loves, and maybe she does not like the role of abandoned and lonely, and then another rival has been drawn ... Instead of looking for reasons for himself or deal with a man, the former is building a visit to the new participant "Triangle".

"At the intersection of two roads"

It doesn't matter what motives for the one that was earlier, much more interesting is the reaction of a man to the fact that the past invades his present and future. Since we marked former as a problem, it means that he still responds to her call. How, why, why does he do it? This is how the most frequent answers will be.

"It's my fault"

Many adult boys easily inspire a complex of guilt than the ex-halves. "You threatened my life and left a child without a father," if you repeat the phrase with the frequency of the jackhammer, you can even impose responsibility. And here is a living person, and even a thrill dad. So he pulls the burden, without disassembled, to whom it flies to the aid once again - native blood or ex-wife. He is the main thing that the conscience does not bite - and if possible, a new wife / girlfriend did not saw.

"I'm used to"

Often, a man on the "automatic" continues to provide and maintain the former, whether the joke was spent so many years together. In essence, nothing terrible, just it would be necessary to start a new life - with another scenario and heroine.

"I am stuck"

Also how many examples are - a man cannot complete the previous story. I want to have both the other, and most importantly, so that no one suffered.

"I'm afraid to lose children"

Blackmailing to child / children is a dirty and huge method, but hundreds and thousands of angry women do not choose methods. If the dad at least compromised himself a little (late for a walk), Mom in all colors will collapse to a child who is his parent and how his land wears. To prevent child psychotraums, dad danced as the head and rushes on the first call.

"I remember good"

Adult boys are not alien to sentimentality, they appreciate the good memories. If people managed to part civilized, friendship and light sadness are quite likely to be romantic. You can also understand: with that woman there are pleasant moments, youth, dizzying passion and a sea of \u200b\u200btenderness. Now, of course, they are not to the carnal joys, which is also clear - but whether it is fortunate?

"I'm in demand"

Or maybe your chosen one likes this plot with Moorish passions? He needs two women at once - the same way! A man feels like an edible prize, a chocolate cake, for which the battle is going, it raises self-esteem and the overall tone of the body, you can enjoy and pour oil into the fire. Of course, on his part it is ugly, unworthy and ineffable - but for this complex of three "not" you pay with tears and early wrinkles.

"To take action immediately"

First and important- If a woman from the past marked in full growth and children remained in that marriage, it would not be wished. But let's immediately put priorities: in the first place - the interests of children. Be clever and do not jealous to small and not very people who are so important to your favorite man.

Second rule - Do not put in a relationship with his ex-wife, it does not exist for you. No need to join it with it, it is not necessary to think about what to say to the former husband's husband, write and call, call to conscience. And exactly the same you do not need to go, she is a sign. By any forces, do not allow the situation when the "club of wives" turns out to be in a duet, and the man is isolated: "Sell yourself, girls." If there are sharp moments in the story, let the former spouses eliminate them themselves.

Third commandment - Control the reaction. Yes, it hurts you and it's a shame when "this unbearable" calls again, but to start the scandal means to pass positions and appear in an unsightly form. For the first time gently tell me the partner: "Yes, of course, help, because you are a father." In the second - already shake shoulders, they say whether there is an urgent need to fly to revenue. In case of malicious recurrences, do not do without trust conversations, where you sincerely and calmly (!) Tell me half that you saw your union somewhat differently. Speak only about your experiences, do not put forward the conditions that should do / do not do the previous wife.

The next step - Denote the borders for which the ex-wife is admitted for ex-wife, and this should make a man. This will help break the emotional bond, which, apparently, is still growing. If he is persistently and without emotion will explain the new rules to that side, she will remain observed: let him not immediately, but get used to.

Conditions of parity with a former husband husband

Report to the beloved that you will not urgently change plans due to the "urgent" call of the former, the exception is something very serious concerning children. By the way, plan the pastime with his heirs together, you have the right to vote.

It is also worth discussing the list of cases for which he is responsible - they again are associated with children. Going to parent meetings, care for the disease, walk and help with study - for these things in the answer dad. But the repair of the machine of the former wife, the challenge of the master repairman for her needs is an already honorable duty of the lady or a new fan.

Finally, the most unpleasant moment - the lady poisoning your life, dismisses rumors, trying to embroider you with the chosen one, the nurses of children. As I ignore, any of your emotional lunge (especially aggressive) will be perverted and converted.

Hold on and repeat as a mantra: each problem occupies exactly so much space as attention is paid to it. Although it is very difficult to preserve the face, but the only way to win in this war is not to participate. Separately, it is necessary to touch the situation when the spouse clearly initiates the competition between you and its former. It will not end while you are in the game and are ready to fight for it, - draw conclusions. According to psychologists, the only person whose well-being is worth a worry - that's you.

So, we agreed - you do not pay attention to the provocative antics of the "competing firm". Be sure they stop, barely gives a personal life - try to sincerely wish her to fall in love, it is in your own interests.

And most importantly: do not dwell on the problem by the title "His former wife does not give live quietly" - just live. There are so many interesting things - hobbies, travel, friends, movies, concerts and ribs on nature. Engage all ways to delight yourself and "dissolve" a small trouble in the stream of emotions that are not related to the person of your predecessor. It is impossible to remove the past, but in your power to create a bright, joyful present - and invite your beloved person to it. A foreign entrance is prohibited!