What to do when we divorced my wife. Killed grief: the advice of psychologists, as a man survive a divorce with his wife. How to survive a divorce with the wife of a man

You never occurred that in the words of Heroine Inna Churikova, who was chosen somehow in the old, Soviet more film - they say that for meanness, a woman after divorce is called abandoned, and a man is free?! - Is there a bitter truth ... for men? As if they are denied the manifestation of feelings after a break with a loved one. A stereotype is fucked in our heads: to worry and cry in the pillow - a wonderful floor. The guy is enough a couple of times to get drunk with friends, and ready. Bodr and fresh, like a young cucumber! And only those who have passed through a divorce with his wife and survived him, know what it is.

Who is to blame and what to do?

Sad situation: at least 50% of weddings in our days are terminated by divorce

Reasons for parting in people can be many. But never, with the exception of the rarest cases, does not happen so that all the wines for the divorce lay only on one of the spouses. This is the case if you are asked about what was wrong, and why the beloved preferred lives next to you freedom. If you are able to estimate your actions impartially, you probably remember not one tens of calls that warned about the approaching catastrophe.

Did the wife complained about the lack of attention on your part?
On the complete absence of romance in gray everyday life?
To housekeeping homework, which never ends?
Did you indulge her compliments, praise, small gifts like a bouquet of wild flowers or a chocolate in the form of a heart?
Whether they listened to her requests not to lay picturesque monastelles from socks around the house, do not smoke in the kitchen, do not slap in street shoes in the apartment?
How often did you often leave your favorite slicker alone in an empty apartment, devoting the weekend fishing, football and other such expensive male hearts.

If all this had a place, and it was safely missed by you past the ears, you didn't catch my calls. We are not talking not to the fact that you realize your guilt before the former spouse, sprinkled with ashes and retired to the desert, and to clarify: before collapsed, the marriage is cracking for some time and shakes. If the husband and wife are quite attentive to each other, they hear this crash and take action on time. If not, then the bitch saws, on which they were going to blame their family nnoveschko and raise offspring. Therefore, to analyze the situation and understand what your fault is, and where the wines of the spouse does not hurt. This will allow you to prevent errors in the future when passions will be played, and you will be ready for new relationships. If you place all the blame for what happened on the spouse, the next time will come again on the same rake. Contrary to the horror stories, which are full of men's forums, a couple "Loving, caring, perfect husband" and "stupid, greedy, selfish bitch-wife" in life are practically not found.

But it later. And now, while the cat scolded on the soul, you have one task: to survive the divorce as easily and painlessly as possible.

Who said men do not suffer after parting?!

The one who believes as if the heavy floor comes out of the relationship in the worst case with a slightly shaped nerves, nothing knows about him. The male soul sometimes shakes such cataclysms that pain from them can be felt physically. Women in this regard was lucky more: increased emotionality - their curse, but also their own outbreak. The diluted wife can ride, ride the floor in hysterics, tear his hair, and no one will condemn her for it, because the poor thing is so bad! Husband staining in a glass of vodka a stupid tear will receive except for a friendly cotton on the shoulder and the Council do not deoxinate. The whole trouble is that the boys have inspired from childhood: men do not cry. And then we get entire crowds of people who do not know how to express their emotions. That, by the way, is extremely harmful not only for spiritual well-being, but also physical health. No wonder the sensitive ladies on statistics live for a couple of dozen years longer than restrained men! Error: Close in yourself, silence and try to cope with pain alone. This behavior is fraught with the nervous breakdown and the deepest depression. Successful idea: Find a way to throw out emotions. There is a need to cry - refollow. Spear-other this is not rebeling even brutal men. I want to shout - leave for nature, away from foreign ears, and the Orita, until it gets sick. Would you like to release steam, buy a boxer pear and pound it until it is up. It is best to do this not alone, but in the company a friend who will listen to you will understand and support, without issuing stamped slogans from the series "You're a man" and "Gather, rag." You needn't it now. If you say at all in front of whom, sign up for a session to a psychologist. First, you can be completely frank with him, because it is always easier to talk to a stranger, than with a good acquaintance. Secondly, get a good advice that has already been a lot.
Expert you can tell about your problems without fear of condemnation

What is the most correct way to pour a male grief from time immemorial? That's right, alcohol. True, for its consultation, this "psychologist" in the bottle makes it possible to pay a headache and hangover, and sometimes with increased aggression, dips in memory and suicidal thoughts. Error: Starting at the pilgrimage on nearby clubs and kabaks in search of spiritual peace. EDAK you sooner or later discover yourself, fiercely knocking the door of the ex-wife or get into the situation in the situation. Successful idea: Find yourself a useful occupation. Distractable, not risking personally met with all the famous "protein", help hobbies, travels and meetings with friends, provided that they will not roll into banal boys. Even more desirable to put a specific goal in front of him, the achievement of which will require serious effort, and to go to her systematically. For example, climb to the next career stage for six months. Or turn your illuminated garage in the exemplary exposure in a couple of weeks. Or ... Think by yourself that you have been planned to do for a long time, but never gathered.

Try to find a lesson who does not require privacy. Most likely, now you do not want to meet with anyone, but the effort will have to do. Avoid solitude, in silence and rest too largely temptation again hit the memories and self-fighting.

Some men after the divorce get up in the pose "Not really you needed me" and start searching for the next girlfriend. Early! Tie a good relationship until the old finally retreated back in the past, it is extremely difficult. You will inevitably become a new woman with the previous one and either find the non-existent shortcomings in it - if you still love your wife - either idealize it if they broke up badly. In any case, anything, except for a new break, the hasty romance will not end. Is that you very lucky. Error: Start a relationship in the peak of his wife. Spit life and yourself, and his new passion, which in this situation will be an innocent victim of your disassembly with the former. Successful idea: For a while, limit contacts with female floors, except for purely friendly and business. It is not necessary to hit in celibacy, but it will not hurt some respite.
Give yourself time so that the emotions are cooled, and the soul calmed down
Musians meet, simply deny the fact that everything is over between him and the spouse. Even the official notice of the dissolution of marriage does not make them come to terms with reality, because such a man is confident: it is worth it to attach forces, and the wife is drawing.

Error: Continue to pursue a former half, give her gifts, throw the messages of love, to attract parents and friends of his wife and pour it into the entrance.

Successful idea: Recognize that your family boat crawled around the cliff, let go of the spouse and under the new sail to go towards your future happiness.

To make it easier for a task, remove all things left by your wife from home, as well as your shared photos and small souvenirs: Magnets from joint trips, registered key rings, mugs. Clean your home from memories, otherwise your separation will be long and painful.
If a woman becomes the initiator of the divorce, male pride gets a tangible injection. Straight scar! So I want to remember the "traitor" all the shoals committed by her in family life, to vulnerate a poisonous word, make a muck ...

Error: Going to an open conflict with a former wife, rinse the name of the spouse at all intersections and blame her in seven mortal sins.

Successful idea: To try to keep the most good relationship with a woman who you once loved. Who knows how life turns? Perhaps someday one of you will provide another serious service! If the lady herself rushes to arrange a scandal, hold on and cool. Respect yourself.

Bonus: Little psychological trick to get out of despondency as soon as possible. Take a sheet of paper and write in detail all the advantages of your idle existence on it, and then put the sheet on the prominent place. In the following days, do not forget to re-read from time to time and complement your list until the pros in your subconscious will ignore the minuses of divorce.

I heard a fairy tale about the prince, who lived for a long time and happily, fished in his pleasure, drank a beer in liters, laid out his socks and gobies where he wanted, frequently communicated with his friends, turned novels - and all thanks to the princess, who refused him in time? As they say, the fairy tale is a lie, yes in it ... well, you know.

Maybe you have more acquired from divorce than lost?

Additional difficulties

If the separation of young, not burdened by children, mortgage and other imperative divorce circumstances of the couple - by itself a difficult period in life, then disperse, having all this in history, is difficult.

If you have common children

My wife, even gently beloved, you can forget over time, cross out from life and learn to perceive her as a person. But children will remain yours forever. Do not want your child to become half orphan with a living father? Do not let the case on a self-shot.

Decide financial issues as soon as possible. If you are sought with a spouse with a scandal, you will be so fed up to do everything to leave the former with the nose. But before being to temptation, remember that in this case you will deprive some material benefits and your child, which in most cases remains with the mother. So cool, honestly count the size of the financial assistance that you will be able to provide your stay - once again we emphasize the child, and not my wife! - Measure the lawyer and go to the world. Whatever bitterness and pain NB experienced in relation to the spouse, they do not exempt from responsibility before children.
Immediately determine where, when and how you will see the child. With more or less peaceful parting, the solution of this issue does not require serious efforts - no reasonable woman will not deprive their children the opportunity to see his father. Alas, a divorce and a section of the property extremely rarely make people show their best qualities: it's not a secret, how often offended wives are trying to use a child for blackmail and manipulating former husband. Here you can advise only armed with patience, enlist the support of a good lawyer and seek compliance with our father's rights. It is better than the world, and if the spouse snaps asked, then through the court.
At meetings with children, they do not tell them a bad about the mother, even if you know that it often allows you to have sharp statements to your address. Bad from this will be primarily your chad. Try to convey to the child: the dad will now live separately, but he will always love you and take care of you. And if the father does not disappear in an unknown direction, but, on the contrary, it will constantly find the opportunity to communicate and exercise his love, with the time the child will make the necessary conclusions.

Do not let the divorce separate you with children

If the former wife gets married again

To accept the loss of the beloved woman's one, and watch how it after just a few weeks after the divorce marching to the altar with the new chosen one - quite another. Usually by this time the wounds caused by parting, do not have time to delay. You continue to subconsciously consider my wife who threw out of the family sockets, you are interested in the details of her personal life, and maybe even cherish the dream of reunion. And here is such a blow!

Do everything to break the bonds binding you. Do not try to figure out what happens on the personal front of the ex-girlfriend - it no longer concerns. Do not ask common friends yourself and resolutely break up the gossips, always ready to convey to the husband with fresh information about the adventures of its former halves. Short "I am not interested in it" It's enough to repel the hunt from the Boltunov to enlighten you.
Change the situation. And the trip to the resort or to the village you will not help you: a person lying on the sun and collecting mushrooms in the forest has too much free time for thought. But alloy on the river on kayaks or vigorous clambering in the mountains with a backpack behind the shoulders, where you will be engaged in every minute.
Chat more. But only in companies, where alcohol will not be installed at the head of the corner. Play Paintball? Wonderful! Help with the repair of the apartment to the friend? Going! Describe the aircraft with friends, with which the next Red Bull competition is you proudly visiting into the water under the applause and ululukate of the enthusiastic spectators? Give two! Find a way to take yourself, and very soon you will start notify that the image of the former leaves your sphere of interest.

Faithful friends and an interesting occupation - a faithful remedy for Handra

If a new man appeared at his wife even before dissatisfied, that is, you have become a victim of banal betrayal, the main task is not to disturb all female half. Man creature social. Very few of us are capable of living alone and feel great at the same time; Most for normal existence requires a partner. And even if you now definitely not before relationship, with the times the situation will certainly change. In order not to complicate the future searches by a biased attitude towards all women in the world, complete the story with treason right now: forgive your wife. Not in the sense of "forgive and take back" - once the divorce has already happened, from this side you, apparently, decided everything for myself. Just do everything to get rid of negative feelings to the former. The recipe is the same: true friends, active activities and time. By the way, communication with representatives of the opposite sex is very helpful, which you do not regard as a sexual partner. Surely in your company will find such?

If you are already noons

Radically change the lifestyle when you are for 50, and scary, and difficult. To this age, the children have already grown and live separately from their parents, the career does not entail the transcendental heights, but there is a well-established way, traditions and habits, whose breaking is serious discomfort.

Take a look at the situation in a different way. Once it came to the divorce at your age, it means that to install warm, trusting relationships in your family you did not work. Perhaps the marriage was held on children. Perhaps on fear before change. But no matter how it was, and now it was a thin thread thoroughly and you found that nothing binds you. So enjoy the opportunity to rest apart! Let go of his wife and allow her, and to enjoy the life of apart. Fortunately, now you do not need to provide incapacitated children and put all the forces on future concerns! Choose a new goal in accordance with your interests and begin to embody it. Do what you want; Build your life as you want; Plan the future, with a loaf only on your wishes. What if is your chance to find your true happiness?

For her husband, entirely, and fully assumed to his wife in domestic issues, the need to prepare themselves, as well as to wash, clean, go shopping and pay utility bills will become a serious test. We'll have to master these cunning sciences. But you will have less time on pity for yourself and more reasons for self-esteem. To deal with the washing machine and learn how to prepare a pork in a pot after 50 - a serious achievement.

Even in a solid age, the divorce does not mean the end of life

How to survive a divorce with your beloved wife: Men's reviews

Last year survived the divorce. Rather, I have not survived. I still remember several times a day. That's what I was understanding ... Broke does not help at all, on the contrary, all spoils. Sport helps incredible. Positive emotions help. Travels help, but not alone. Helps the proverb "It is better to do and sorry than not to do and regret that I did not."

withheld.

I used to go to the gym. Put yourself a goal, for example, bench 180, and to drop-drop-hammer the glands until they are conjugate.

Turbomartin. http://www.sti-club.su/showthread.php?t\u003d104862.

My advice: All things that tied you, up to the smallest things, shower gels, candles there ... throw everything out or hide far and for a long time. Yes, and I don't try for a long time without a while and alone ... I am very saved by girlfriends yet, not in terms of sex - this is, of course, everyone's personal. I am not a supporter of this, just communication with the opposite floor distracts very much.

Zlo-kli. http://www.sti-club.su/showthread.php?t\u003d104862.

Time heals. Also this was held, it was hard. He left his head to work, helped.

It will hurt a long time, but if you learn this pain correctly, you will learn to use - still grateful to fate for all what happened. The behavior of people who brutally betray, use those who love them, for me, for example, inexplicably, and I do not want to understand it. But I learned to forgive. And forget ... Turn, look for strength in faith, in relatives and friends. Everything will definitely improve.

Alexey 101. http://www.nelubit.ru/viewtopic.php?t\u003d8700

Video: How to survive separation on male

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v\u003dzdoyyx5fca0.

Divorce is not in vain compared with amputation. Even if you have recently realized that the relationship with my wife leaves much to be desired, the final gap hurts suffering, comparable to the pain of the loss of part of the body. But you need to clearly confirm: one day she will weaken. Sounds pain from betrayal, wounds in the place of the gap will come together, life will enter the calm bed. And then there will be a place for another person in it - that you will have a chance to build your true lucky future. Everything that needs you now, it is to wait, hope and not to lower the hands.

Text author: Svetlana Rozhenko, psychologist-consultant

Disintegration of pairs - test for partners. The traditional belief that is seriously worried about the breaking of relationships only women, erroneously. Men often ask the question - how to survive a divorce with his wife, if he was initiated by his wife and became unexpected for her husband.

Hold or let go

Before deciding which tips "How to survive a divorce with your wife" will be useful, it is necessary to decide - the separation of the final or there is a chance to establish relationships. In the first case, it is important:

"Let go" the situation. Hurtness, anger, jealousy and irritation - non-constructive emotions. They will not help smooth out the problem, will not let calmly perceive changes in life;
do not replace indignation from the act of spouse (or your decision, forced or voluntary) on relatives and children. Exception - if the separation was the result of the intentional intervention of loved ones. However, there is a thorough analysis of actions;
promptly solve material issues without infringing in the rights of former girlfriend and joint children;
find a way to distract from negative emotions. Alcohol, drugs, game dependence and aggression in relation to others as a method of distraction are not considered.

If the problems in the family can be solved and return the previous relationship, then it is not necessary to think about how easier to survive a divorce with your wife, but about actions to return it.

Voluntarily or forced?

Divorce with your beloved wife or parting with a woman to which there is no feeling, differ. In the first case, toscales and insult are attached to the difficulties of a material nature (housing section. If parting was initiated by a man, he can also feel remorse.

Causes of parting:

problems of one / both spouses (alcoholism, dependence of another kind, aggression, severe diseases, personal degradation and other);
reluctance of spouses interact, build relationships;
material difficulties (insufficient earnings of spouses, housing problems, other);
treason with one or both sides;
excessive passion for partners with work or hobbies, rejection of jointly spent time;
the impossibility / reluctance of spouses to acquire children;
various attitude to raising children.

Depending on which reasons suffered more effect on the desire of the pair (one of the partners) to part, the ratio to the termination of the marriage is different. The easiest way to divorce with his wife (reviews about such situations are presented in different sources), when both spouses are morally ready to disperse.

How men belong to the rupture of relationships

The ability to demonstrate from early childhood does not show externally emotions does not act on the men's half of humanity. The inability to spill over the experiences in tears, conversation, actions leads to the aggravation of stress. At the same time, the reaction of a strong floor on the desire expressed by his wife is manifested as:

Denial of situations. The position of "Ostrich" - if I do not see the problem, it is not. In this case, a man thinks not how to survive a divorce with his wife and a child, but how to hide from foreign and himself beside himself in the family;
Bravado. A man assures a former spouse and his own, close that the disintegration of the family is indifferent to him, the girlfriend does not cause interest and can be replaced by another;
Aggression. Understanding that the marriage is destroyed, the husband "gives" to the former beloved, relatives. Inadequately refers to loved ones (including children), splashing on them negative;
Nagging. The situation is manifested as complaints "The wife has gone, how to survive the divorce", demonstrative suffering, hysterics. There are cases of showing suicide;
Closed. The man "closes in himself", pays emotions and rejection of the situation. Possible deep depression and real suicide. Such a person is important advice of a psychologist - to survive a divorce with his wife and not destroy life they will help in 50 ... 75% of cases.

How to cope with you

If the emotions are excavated and the desire to spill them in the form of aggression or other unreasonable deeds is too large, it is necessary to actually assess its condition and take action.

View of emotions	Manifestation	Proper reaction
Hate, Growney	Anger and anger towards a woman (she destroyed familiar life, love, career, deprived children, etc.), to peace and others (they allowed / contributed / provoked)	Real estimate of the reasons for breaking, suppression of anger, a course of psychoanalysis or sedative therapy to eliminate the manifestations of aggression
Pain	Search "anesthetic" - alcohol, drugs, games, care of yourself or religion	Rational Distraction Methods - Psychotherapy, Empty therapy, New Hobbies or Sport, Religion in reasonable doses
Fear	Fearing to stay lonely and not knowing what to do, a man is looking for a new relationship or closes	Distraction from fear, attentive approach to a new connection. Understanding the transient character
Offense	Connected with misunderstanding of real causes of divorce. Manifested by complaints, trying to cause retaliatory pain, find participation	Analysis of the reasons for parting, forgiveness
Shame	A man can be ashamed of his behavior (causes of separation) or a friend's actions, their inability to keep a woman	Calm analysis, rethinking behavior
Mystery or explicit joy	It occurs with the desired parting. The decision of the woman brings relief	Neutral behavior without demonstrating his pleasure

Usually, emotions arise in the complex, so the question how to survive grasp wife and divorce, also solved comprehensively.

How to help your son survive a divorce with his wife

Related men are often asked for advice, as a man survive a divorce with his wife. At the same time, general recommendations are reduced to:

assistance in analyzing the situation and rethinking their behavior;
changes in the behavior of the Son's new friend (brother, grandson, nephew and so on);
attentive attitude towards children from the broken marriage, the lack of negative and pressure on them and the former spouse;
selection of interesting (distracting) classes for a relative in order to reduce emotion races;
the absence of "puments", that is, attempts to quickly find a divorced man with another pair.

Conclusion

The question "How to survive a divorce, if you love a wife" does not have an unequivocal answer, each man decides himself depending on the situation. The Council to fight for love and the preservation of marriage is appropriate if the parting is not final and there is an opportunity to correct the situation. More often, more rational let go of a woman and look for new opportunities for a device of personal life.

Undoubtedly one thing: In order to not rushing with the requests of "help to survive a divorce with your wife," it is necessary to specifically build them from the very beginning of relationships and reasonable to choose a couple.

Many expect to live with their half until the end of their days. But not always everything goes as planned, and in this case, a question arises for a former husband how to survive a divorce with his wife.

Divorce is a serious test for male (as well as for female) psyche. Survive this stage without prejudice to yourself no one. But if you try, you can significantly reduce the harm from this very traumatic situation for your psyche.

Men do not cry

Avoid tears, to restrain the sobs of men teach from early childhood. Therefore, in many cases, it is more difficult for them to experience any cataclysm, to which the divorce belongs.

It is especially difficult to part with your loved one, when this feeling is no longer mutual. Tears facilitate the soul than women enjoy. In contrast to them, the man saves everything in himself.

A woman can cry in a girlfriend vest, a man is difficult to do it. His sobs look socially unacceptable. Therefore, he has to behave as proudly suggests.

How to survive a divorce with the wife of a man

Divorce may be a test of varying severity depending on its reason, markedly serious psychological burden on diverging, if there are children. On the contrary, in their absence, the disintegration of the family proceeds noticeably easier.

There is a lot of motives for termination of marriage. Among them:

lack of satisfied partners of intimate relations;
infidelity with one of the parties, with the initiator of the discrepancy, it can become like the one who changed when he learns about the infidelity and the party who committed an adulter, if desired, to create a family with a partner out of marriage.
economic or domestic troubles;
disappearance of common interests previously supported by the family;
missing characteristics.

If there is a baby

If there are children from the family couple, they in most cases remain with the mother. It turns out that a man loses both his wife and offspring, to communicate with whom he can now only.

There are cases when the child has already grown, then the divorce to a lesser extent affects his psyche. But when a family with two young children ceases its existence, both spouses need to choose the most accurate behavior line.

In any case, it is necessary to do everything so that the relationship with the child is injured in the smallest extent:

It is desirable to interrupt children as small as possible in a situation relating to the divorce.
It should be easily constructively approaching the question of the collaboration with his wife.
It is also necessary to give children to understand that in your relationship nothing, in fact, has not changed.

It is unlikely that the disintegration of the family will be completely painless both for the baby and for a teenager, but to reduce the negative effect to a minimum is quite possible.

After 40.

The divorce on the fifth top ten (and later) occurs quite often. The marker of forty years is associated with the middle-aged crisis, at this time the person reassets the former life. Among other things, he can realize that relations with his wife no longer have for him former interest.

Despite the reasons, at this age, the dissolution of marriage is moved noticeably harder compared to younger years.

It is easiest to carry out parting with a man's wife who go to young. However, in this case there are pitfalls: marriage with a young woman can lead to a noticeable increase in loads on the male body, especially when it occurs in 50 years.

After 30 years of living together, when the most recent years have passed in a calm one mode, not so easy to switch to a more intense.

If the wife is the initiator of parting

There is a stereotype that men are more often becoming the initiators. In fact, women are becoming in the category after 40 in two thirds of the initiators of marriage initiators. It is especially difficult to part when you still love your spouse.

Divorce when he has become accomplished by the fact, you need to take. A man must completely reconcile with him, not to challenge him even internally.
Do not often be alone. A man who has just survived the end of marriage, is especially required to the interlocutor.
It is advisable to discuss not only events, But their own experiences about their occasion.
It is recommended not to shove in the expression of emotionsThose who do not hold back their feelings are better saved their health.
But the abuse of alcohol is not recommended. Its moderate consumption is permissible, small doses contribute to relaxation, at the same time frequent drinking will only bring harm.
It is advisable to keep constructive relationships With the former wife, especially if there are children, in this case it will be possible to avoid mass problems in the future.
Should not be made in any of the extremes, not accusing in neither Himself or another person. As a complex of own guilt and the curse at the address of the former spouse destructive.
Very good if a man opens up for himself new The direction of activity is either the fresh hobby.
Finally, it is useful from time to time to communicate with a professional psychologist, able to adjust the behavior of your client.

Do not create artificially personal life

If a man starts a novel immediately after the collapse of the family, such early relations are fraught with a rapid gap. After all, a woman in this case serves only in the way to distract, also with its help a man is trying to restore self-esteem, especially if the divorce happened on the initiative of his wife.

Such stories in most cases end with rapid parting. And the man acquires extra load - the feeling of guilt.

However, if a man meets a stranger with which he really is good, he should not hesitate. You just don't need to try to make a novel at all costs, in an emergency.

Take your time

The idleness always contributes to the appearance of unpleasant, harmful thoughts. Therefore, after the divorce follows something all the time to do something.

In addition, the divorce means that men definitely have problems requiring immediate solution. They are not worth postponing in a long box. Casual hassles will be a good way to distract from psychological difficulties.

Do not stop communicating with children

It has already been indicated above that it is desirable to make children in a minimal extent to survive a divorce. It is equally important that the Father, who has not received the right of guardianship, and son or daughter supported full contact. It is desirable for them to have common interests.

As can be seen, the divorce is quite difficult anyway, and it is impossible to give certain recipes who want to avoid losses.

preserve (if possible) relations with his wife;
take care of children;
take yourself;
do not make a quick new relationship without need. To distinguish the need for a whim in this case will help all the same common sense.

Video: how to live on

Hello, dear readers. Today we will look at the question of how men are experiencing a divorce. You will learn how their behavior is. You will be aware of what to do in a situation where you are the initiator of the divorce, and when it is, how to be, if there is a common kid. Let's talk about possible errors.

Features of behavior

There are five types of reaction in response to the news of the upcoming divorce.

Negation. The man is shocked by the fact that the spouse wants to part with him. When the time comes, he does not appear in the registry office, it will tell everyone that your marriage happy . A person does everything to prevent official parting, but at the same time he does not apply any effort to change something or torture with his wife.
Posy. A man who went to the depths of soul wound a wish of a spouse to divorce, does not want to show his pain. It behaves with an accuracy yes, on the contrary, pointing to the fact that he himself is happy to dilute, long ago he dreamed about it, and now he can find his wife much better than the current one. At the same time, he does not try to save the situation, even more repels the spouse.
Aggressiveness. Having learned about the upcoming break, a man begins to behave aggressively and not only towards the spouse, but also to friends, relatives, to all people who surround it. He cannot control his anger, especially if the cause of the divorce in the appearance of the wife of the Uhager.
. The situation when a woman is the initiator of the divorce. A man is not able to survive such a tragedy, he is completely absorbed by suffering. All others complains on her hard fate bitch that drank all the juices from him and threw. For a person, such a way to combat divorce is acceptable, as it does not greatly harm mental health. However, people who will be near, will be forced to listen to his whining. The main thing is that the adoption has come, as soon as possible and the role of the victim was not entrenched for many years.
Closedness. The most dangerous reaction to the divorce. A person is not able to talk about what happened, he closes in himself, does not want to take help from loved ones, becomes sullen and silent. This state is dangerous to the fact that it is not far from him and to a serious depression . If there is a similar reaction, it is better to immediately seek help from a qualified psychologist.

In a man who suffered a divorce, a behavioral response to this event may vary. Basically, three types are isolated.

Care. A man begins to think about what he did not do wrong, trying to analyze everything, blaming himself in what happened, thereby significantly reduces self-esteem. The presence of these experiences is a sign that the gap was too painful, and the feelings for the former spouse did not go out.
In another case, a man can face himself on the contrary, will feel his freedom and rejoice at her. At the same time it can rush in all seriousness, because now no one controls it and does not prohibit anything. This may appear addiction to alcohol or to drugs, indiscriminate sexual ties.
There is also a category of men who, despite what happened, continue to live, as before.

What feelings can cover a man

After the person occurred, various emotions may prevail, and they can replace them as a viewing with the idea that he is now divorced and there is no wife. They will also differ depending on who exactly became the initiator of parting, for what reason.

So there may be seven major feelings.

Hatred. There is a desire to harm the spouse, it hurts her so that she can feel what you had to endure. In such a situation, it is better to try to remember everything well what was in your marriage, remember the feelings that were tested for your beloved woman.
Anger. The malice literally devours from the inside, and it is aimed at both the former and all who surrounds. Man begins to aggressively treat everything. It is necessary to cope with your feelings and calm down, otherwise you can harm both yourself and other people, to make actions that you will subsequently regret.
Pain. Especially acute it is when the divorce occurs due to the fact that his beloved wife met another person and loved him. A man can try to satisfy this pain with drinking or getting into himself, or starts to complain to everyone to unhappy fate. It is desirable to overcome this feeling if you need to turn to a psychologist. It will also help to distract work, travel, new hobby.
Fear. Often there is a situation where the union lasted for a single year and a man is afraid of what will happen next, because he is used to in his life. Also can scare the fear of loneliness. Some men are trying to overcome this feeling with the help of rapid tying of relationships with the first oncoming woman. In such a situation, it is better to simply realize that what happened is not the end of everything, but beginning of a new life You can also write a new love story.
Resentment. A man belongs to the divorce, as some punishment, behaves as if she does not realize that what exactly he received such a kara. He is offended by the former spouse, and you need to take the situation and forgive it.
Shame. Such a feeling arises if the parting happened because of a very bad act of a man or in a situation where the formed stereotypes are present in his life that the wife should be alone. There should be awareness of the fact that we are all people can be wrong and you need to take the current, how tribust and live on.
Secondary joy. The situation when the marriage has not satisfied the male needs for a long time, the person himself thought about the divorce.

Different situations

If the husband himself became the initiator of the divorce:

aware that the spouse is very suffering now;
do not say nasty about her, trying to climb in the eyes of common acquaintances;
it is unacceptable to openly rejoice in its freedom;
no need to require a property section, take her gifts from her, and so much pain is caused;
refer to the former spouse with respect, remember how expensive she was once.

Let's consider the situation when the wife became the initiator of the divorce. The reason for this most often becomes the appearance of a lover, treason of her husband or drinking spouse. In such a situation, you need to act as follows:

with respect to treat your family, not to show aggression;
do not impose, do not pursue his wife, if all attempts torture were not successful;
find a passion to distract from the current situation;
do not allow incorrect actions, in particular, you do not need to resort to alcohol abuse, throwing work or climb into a fight with an opponent;
no need to go to ourselves, focusing on what happened.

In a situation, if there are children, you need to adhere to the following rules:

it is important to convey to the kids that the divorce is not associated with their bad behavior, they are not guilty of anything;
if you are planning to create a new family, it is unacceptable to cross out children from your life, even if the baby will soon appear in the new relationship;
be sure to materialize your kids, give them gifts;
unacceptable his anger in relation to the spouse, projection on children;
it is necessary to take an active part in the growing up of their kids.

I bring to your attention the advice of a psychologist.

If close is trying to assist you, help survive what happened, you do not need to reject them. However, you should not allow to interfere with the relationship with the former spouse.
Try to go with your head to work, but do not need to become revealed. Just try to take yourself.
Decide whether to do, finally, the fact that you have long been interested, for which there has always lacked time.
Read the books, see movies that demonstrate how men are experiencing a divorce.
After parting, take your vacation, go somewhere to rest. In addition, the decline change will benefit you.
Do not try to get a hermit. You will still get better.
How difficult it was not to say goodbye to your wedding ring, it is nowhere to you.
You do not need to close from the girls, hate the whole female floor. Do not reject women who are interested, do not be afraid to go on a date.
Take a look in the future with optimism, realize that you are still ahead, a girl will appear, which will give unearthly happiness , there will be a family.
It is important to be able to maintain normal relations with the former spouse, preferably friendly, especially if there are common children.
Continue to develop and self-improvement, put your goals and achieve them.
Analyze what happened, realize why it came to the divorce. If the fault lies with you, make a conclusion so that in the future do not allow such errors.
If it does not work independently with problems, it is necessary to seek help to a psychologist.

Possible mistakes

It is unacceptable to stop relationships with loved ones, relatives, with common friends, to abandon their help. This behavior can develop depression.
During the workflow, it is unacceptable to leave the head in the problem, again and again worry the situation. Such behavior can lead even to dismissal.
It is not necessary to provoke conflicts with the former wife, no matter how hurts it did not do you, what a strong hatred would not cover the heart. Such actions will lead only to mutual humiliation, to insults, deterioration of relations. And if there are general children, such actions will be able to cause the spouse to communicate with them.
No need to rush to tie a new relationship. Most likely, it will be an impulsive act, will not lead to anything good.
In no case can not be descended to the bottom of the glass. Do not try to learn pain with alcohol or narcotic drugs. It will not be easier, but with your actions you can destroy your soul and body.
You do not need to project your anger on children, breaking on them or indifferently treat them. They are not guilty of anything, and you will stay their dad, even if the mother appears a new man.
It is impossible to pursue the former, tools and threaten, blackmail, especially if the divorce happened because of the appearance of a man in her life.

I will tell the story of my neighbor's life. The girl at the age of 17 married, gave birth to a child. After 2 years, it was filed for divorce, because the husband was practically not interested in her and their baby, a lot walked and abused alcohol. After the divorce, the man did not even go for the evidence of the dissolution of the marriage and did not put the appropriate seal in the passport. He could not accept the fact that he lost his favorite woman. A girl 5 years after the divorce met true love and married. Now waiting for the birth of the second child. Her former husband is still alone. He resigned with parting, but does not see the meaning in creating a family with someone else, in addition, it is afraid to make the same mistakes, and his relatives still reproach for not able to save the family.