Why does a woman feel unhappy in a relationship? Why I love a person, but am unhappy in a relationship with him

Sometimes a woman cannot understand why she is unable to live happily in love. Why can't I find a good man? What's on me, a crown of celibacy?

I am both smart and beautiful, and men seem to like me. And I grew up in a good family ... But I can't build a relationship myself. I quarrel with my beloved, then I take offense, and sometimes I just suffer from anxiety and loneliness ...

"Good afternoon, Oksana! I read your mailings for a long time, I always thought that this was not about me, that I love myself, I consider myself beautiful, smart and successful. I always tried to grow and develop, discover something new. I have loving parents. , there were no childish grievances, my friends consider me sunny and always positive ... But I sincerely did not understand why I was failing in my personal life. I tried to find answers in the mailing lists, but could not find anything.

And yesterday they flew off me " pink glasses". I once again had a fight with my fiance. I broke firewood. Thinking why this is happening, I realized that it always happened that way. As soon as I fell in love, I began to sincerely hold on to the relationship, I was afraid to lose it, and in the end I did everything to go down. in his eyes. As a result, every time I stepped on the throat of my pride, cried. Every time I scold myself for behaving incorrectly with men, I feel like a fool. And I still continue to scold ...

If you have loving parents, and there were no childhood grievances, where can such problems arise from?

During the first year of life, the child's brain doubles and weighs about 1 kg. It increases due to the formation and strengthening of neural connections. A neural connection - a synapse - is formed at the moment when the child receives an experience. Any experience. However, in order for the neural connection to remain (and the brain mass increased by this one synapse), it is important that the child has this experience several times.

Experience, as you can imagine, can be constructive as well as destructive.

If your mother used the model of upbringing "The child must spend time by himself" (unfortunately, in the post-Soviet space this model of upbringing was considered the norm), you suffered from emotional hunger from birth. In this case, the baby does not have the opportunity to satisfy his needs in communication with his mother, and is forced to wait for her for hours in the crib - a neural connection is formed in his brain: "Love is not easy, it needs to be suffered."

This neural connection will govern the thinking and behavior of a person throughout his life (of course, if he does not dare to take his fate into his own hands).

It is natural for a person to think with old and thick neural connections (I wrote more about this in the article “I don’t love myself because I don’t have my own opinion, I don’t get things done, I eat a lot and get fat!”). Therefore, building a relationship with a loved one, the girl will constantly feel anxiety and anxiety. She will be constantly tormented by doubts: "Did I choose the right person? Something I am unhappy with him." She will constantly be offended, angry and swearing ...

And she will do all this UNKNOWN. Even if she comes across a quite decent man, she will still manage to ruin her relationship with him.

"... I am stating a fact: I do not know how to love myself! Realization has made it easier. But you have to do something about this! .."

A person does not know how to love himself because of the lack of maternal love in childhood. In this case, he always builds strange relationships with loved ones, which do not bring him happiness and satisfaction. Although sometimes he may not even guess about the reasons for his "strange" behavior.

Formed back in early childhood a destructive connection between neurons in relationships with people will give a person the emotion: "I feel bad." And why he feels bad - he will start looking in reality itself.

Such people tend to be offended by trifles, upset and angry for no particular reason. And often swear ... Thus, from childhood, neural connections are formed in the child's brain: "Relationships with people are difficult," "To love a person is to constantly humiliate yourself and suffer for one reason or another."

“I really want to learn to love myself, learn to love others without humiliating myself. Learn to behave with men, so that they can finally begin to give me gifts, awaken femininity in myself.

Now I have a difficult session at the university (I am studying at the 2nd degree as a lawyer). I promise (first of all to myself) that I will pass the exams and immediately enroll in the course. Sorry for the long letter. It was a cry from the heart and an important awareness and decision for me. "

Best regards, Olga.

Olga, your inner "I feel bad" does not arise because of some circumstances of life, or the fact that your partner behaves incorrectly. It occurs because your brain regularly gives you a dose of cortisol (stress hormone) according to the old program.

You constantly feel that you do not have enough love and attention from your partner, and from this painful emotions arise. They are the ones who control your thinking and behavior. You can read more on this topic in the article "Our Consciousness - How to Learn to Control It? Or Where Do Problems With Men Come From"

To get rid of the oppressive mood, you begin to "solve" this problem. How? Either you reprimand your partner so that he treats you better, or you force yourself to do what you DO NOT want: humiliate yourself, do unnecessary and unnecessary things in your relationship.

And the saddest thing is that your brain, giving you destructive thoughts and decisions, also justifies you: "Everyone around is bad, the world is terrible, I need to do something."

By the way, this problem affects many women. When a toggle switch clicks in their heads and a malicious "I feel bad" arises, they do not think that this is the machinations of their script, and begin to commit many stupid and rash acts.

And then they ask me questions: "Why am I behaving so strangely (stupidly, hysterically)? Why do I regularly spoil relations with people"

Because you are acting unconsciously, according to old programs. This is the problem.

I am a victim of love!

Olga, your main task when entering the course is to get rid of the old program "I am a victim of love".

Tune in to serious work on yourself. You will have to learn to manage your feelings, thinking, and identify them: "This anxiety is false, it has nothing to do with reality. This offense is far-fetched - this is all the intrigues of my script."

A person living in a destructive scenario is bad not because something is not going well in his life. But because he is programmed to suffer in certain situations. Someone more, someone less. Basically, his suffering has nothing to do with reality itself, and is associated with false conclusions and grievances acquired in childhood. I recommend reading Karen Horney's book "Neurosis and Personal Growth" in more detail on this topic.

Your task will be to track whether your worries and suffering are really related to reality, or is it just a phantom, a game of your mind.

You will have to work with a whole range of curricula. Learn to forgive and understand people's behavior so as not to be offended by them over trifles. Thus, you will consciously build new neural connections in your brain: "You can build relationships with people easily and simply if you understand the reasons for their behavior."

Why do our cadets write: "I have forgiven my husband, mother, colleagues at work - and relations with them have improved!" This is not due to some kind of magic or magic, but because a person CONSCIOUSLY builds new neural connections in his head, allowing him to better understand people and BUILD RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM.

Yes, this is a long and painstaking work. But you will get a guaranteed result.

You also need to rethink your past failures in relationships, and rewrite them from the perspective of an adult and self-sufficient person, and not an eternally offended child. This is working with Reprogramming your destiny.

It is important to understand that the adult brain is made up of a million different neural connections. It looks like an impassable jungle. And if a person has problems in life, it means that many connections have arisen as a result of resentment or disappointment.

If you have this problem, you cannot solve it with just one effort of will, like, "I'll start on Monday." It won't work! And in a month it won't work either. But after 45 days of daily hard work, the first results will appear.

But this is not enough. Working with Forgiveness and Reprogramming, as well as keeping diaries, writing interim reports on your work - will give you the opportunity to remove MANY old and harmful connections between neurons as unnecessary. And daily work on yourself will build new connections that will allow you to think, decide and act in a new way, getting the desired results in life.

Also, you are on help will come a large list of literature on working with destructive emotions. This literature should be read thoughtfully, with a pencil in hand. Yes, there is a lot to learn and master. But the best part is that you will learn to learn and work on yourself! And this useful habit is a serious guarantee that you can achieve success in any area of ​​life.

Why can't I meet a good man?

"Good afternoon, Oksana! I want to understand my life, because I can't be happy because of the relationship."

I have been dating a divorced man for 1.5 years. He has a son, a separate house, but he does not want to live together fully and still does not introduce him to the child. It suits him when I go to him with things for the night on his call ... In these relations I do not feel 100% needed, because see him in those cases when he has free time, and so he is busy with himself: friends, sports, child, work ... But not me.

On February 14, instead of spending time with me, he went to training. My attempts to part with this person do not lead to anything. Several of his calls and sms-ok - and that's it, Julia melted away. I have constant depression, in recent times I cry often.

I want to be happy. If possible, judge this situation, and as a psychologist, tell me how to get out of this depressive relationship. Thanks in advance".

Where does this "He called - and Julia melted away" comes from?

Julia, you know, you, like any other person, have a need for happiness. This feeling is given to you by the hormone oxytocin - when you come to it, kiss, have sex.

But when a man doesn't meet your other needs, you feel terrible. Hence the depressed mood. Tearfulness, a feeling of hopelessness. But suddenly he calls again - and you, like a hungry dog, run at least for crumbs of happiness.

Why do you agree to this relationship? Because you have a program in your brain: "Love is not easy, you need to suffer it."

You see, what is the matter: when the mother fully satisfies the child's need for communication, from birth to the age of 7 (this is the period when the main neural connections are created in the brain, forming character and destiny), the child grows up as a self-sufficient person.

He is comfortable being alone. He enjoys sitting at home for a couple of days, doing something, thinking about life ... I wrote more about this in articles about "emotional hunger" (search the blog for the search phrase "emotional hunger")

Such a woman has a man, but he does not - in any case, she feels comfortable.

But if she has a program "I am a victim of love" - ​​she will feel uncomfortable. Such women tend to suffer if they do not have a relationship with a man. Therefore, they are ready to grab onto any relationship: even with a married person, even with someone who offends ... Even with a lousy goat ...

So they grab onto it. And a problematic relationship with a man exhausts them, makes them touchy, angry ... Such women become unattractive to other men, so it is difficult for them to find another partner for a relationship. It turns out a vicious circle: "I can't find a good man, but a bad man offends me - I get angry and men stop liking - that's why I can't meet a good man ..."

A woman who has received maternal love from birth will not be content with an inferior relationship with a man. If she comes across a married man, she will easily say goodbye to him. And he will not suffer at the same time. She is comfortable living both with a man and without a man.

And since it is not typical for her to be offended by men, she can easily meet a worthy life partner.

You can't. What to do?

Reprogram your destiny, learn to love yourself and live comfortably without a man. This is what our cadet Svetlana wrote about in the 806th issue of the mailing list "Love for oneself ..." There is no other way.

How to remove the celibacy crown?

"Oksana, I have a celibacy crown! I have this ancestral curse. My grandfather left my grandmother, my father divorced my mother when I was three years old. Now I see how relations with my man deteriorate, and I understand that I can also wait the same fate ...

I turned to psychics, took an Internet training on cleansing the clan - it does not help! I don’t believe in anything anymore! All this is complete nonsense! "

Ksenia, what kind of courses for cleansing the family? The program was developed by a psychotherapist? What did the specialist rely on in working with you? How long did you spend with the program?

"I bought the program from a woman, she is not a psychologist, but a journalist. I took the training with accompaniment (we talked a lot on the forum) for four weeks ..."

Ksenia, think about what waters. Are you going to have your appendicitis removed by the hairdresser? Will you go to the surgeon to get a haircut?

NO! And why, I think there is no need to explain.

You just went to a hairdresser to have your appendicitis (celibacy crown) removed. Therefore, we got the corresponding result :(.

If a specialist does not say which psychological schools he relies on when creating his program, keep in mind that you will get a poor quality educational material, and a pig in a poke. But this is not enough.

Our course "DAO: The Way of a Woman" is not only about working with different psychological schools Is a long-term collective work. This is the job of our administrators and psychologists. And the most important thing is the feedback from our cadets. This is taking into account the effectiveness of our work, competent analysis, and an individual approach to each person.

Again, a month of work is complete nonsense. If you are promised to solve all your deep psychological problems- either they lie to you, or the coach is greatly mistaken about the effectiveness of his work. To get the first positive result, you need to work on your problem every day for at least two months (which is what my work with cadets is aimed at). And the final result of the cadets, as a rule, is described to me in their reports in six months or a year. This is a normal, holistic approach to dealing with a serious problem.

Where does the celibacy crown come from, I explained in detail above. This is the problem of improper upbringing of a child from birth. And this problem is solved not by magic passes, and not by chatting on the forum for a month. And competent, purposeful work on the task set by you.

Enroll in the course, work, and you will succeed. Your problem is not special, more than half of our cadets work with it and successfully solve it.

Oksana Duplyakina

Hello dear women. I just registered and create my own forum for the first time, and I don't quite know how to start.

I have been married for a year and 2 months, we have a baby, my son, whom I just adore. But every day, with every new quarrel with my husband, with every discord, I feel that I have committed big mistake.

I'll start with a little background. The fact is that I have always been a very obedient daughter, and by by and large was quiet and calm, and even somewhat too correct. I started dating boys late, the first time I kissed at the age of 21, we met with a young man for a year, but I could not decide on intimacy, in the end he left me, saying in cold blood that he fell out of love and calling the main reason precisely that I can’t make up my mind to have sex. But in fact, the reason was his ethnicity, he was Jewish, and his parents simply did not see me as a worthy couple. I greatly grieved from such a betrayal, after all, the first love. But thank God everything went away, though only a year later) I started going on dates with other young people, to my surprise, a slight rise began on the personal front, but all this was limited only to dating, I did not want a relationship, I was very afraid to hear again I love and then I don't like it again.

But after a while my classmate (my future husband), we were always friends with him, he always aroused some strange interest in me, even when I met my first young man, who also studied at our university, I often caught myself thinking that I miss communicating with my friend- classmate. And since he was always sympathetic to me, I thought that I needed to test fate, and besides, this was the last course.

As a result, we started dating, I realized that I had fallen in love, and in such a way that that love and worries about the first young man seemed nonsense. My future husband turned out to be an insanely interesting versatile person. We found an infinite number of points of contact, it seemed to me that we coincide, like two puzzles, like two pieces of one whole, how surprised and frightened me at the same time, that I even forbade him to confess his love to me as soon as he started this conversation. I was terribly attracted to him, and I did not resist my feelings and desires in the end. After 4 months of relationship, I decided on intimacy, physiology also played its part, at the age of 23 there is already a tangible need. We were both the first to have each other, my husband is the same age. We laughed when it first happened. We were not protected. After a couple of months, I got pregnant. I found out about this when I was visiting my husband. We were not married yet, but I often went to spend the night with him, and he came to me when my parents were not at home. Parents easily let me go, because they thought that we knew how to make sure that we do not have children until it is necessary. But it turned out that at 23 you can fly in, (sorry for such a word), if both partners are not experienced.

I was scared and cried when I did a pregnancy test, but my future husband dissuaded me, he hugged me and said that he loved me insanely strong, that maybe this was not very desirable and unexpected, but he only sees me next to him, which is all the same we would have had children once, so why not now. In general, he turned out to be very kind, sincere, loving and decent. After that, it was necessary to tell this to the parents. I must say right away that everything was not so smooth, but in the end they accepted this fact, after all, we are not 16, and there could be no question of an abortion. My parents hardly accepted my husband and the fact of my pregnancy. We promised them that we would sign, and for a while there was calm.

Since we just graduated from the university, by the way, I got a red diploma, my husband did not have everything smoothly with work right away, it really bothered the parents. I myself have been working since the 4th year, managed to reach a small promotion and earn myself good payments on maternity leave. As a result, we delayed the wedding for a very long time, there was simply no money. My husband definitely wanted to make money on it himself. My parents did not have any special means for this, and his mother (dad has not lived with them for a long time, and they have never been married, but he helps them financially, even now sometimes he sends decent funds) did not even stutter about how to help or have a hand in this.

This is where our first problems began. My husband's mom turned out to be different from how she showed herself to me when we first met. My husband also has a sister 3 years younger than him from the same father. My husband's mother turned out to be a big hypocrite and boorish. We started living with my husband, he has a big 3 room apartment, while my parents have 2 rooms in Khrushchev. I always bought a lot of food, even my mother provided me with bags of groceries when my husband and I went to him. I was pregnant and of course I needed to eat well, and any woman who gave birth understands how you want to eat when it grows inside you new life... But I began to realize with horror that the future mother-in-law did not give a damn about it. She had nothing to do with my pregnancy, my needs. For breakfast there was only porridge and one slice of toast, and lunch and dinner were one meal and were only closer at 6pm. As I said, I bought a lot of products, my salary allowed it. But I was very embarrassed to climb into the refrigerator for my own products and do something in someone else's kitchen, where my husband's mother spends all her time, moreover. Moreover, we were still not married and I felt terrible about it. Who am I to him? I asked myself all the time. And when I was at home with his mother and sister, I rarely left the room at all, only when necessary. Once, walking from my husband's room to the toilet, I saw such a picture. His mother and sister are sitting in the kitchen and eating my own sausage, almost nothing is left of the whole loaf. At the same time, they did not even bother to invite me to tea. Noticing me, they began to laugh in embarrassment, believe me, I’m not out of anger, his mother doesn’t laugh, but just laughs. And my mother-in-law told me literally the following: "You have such a delicious sausage, we are sitting here and have already eaten almost all of them, ahaha, sit down with us and have some tea."

I felt strange and unpleasant, I have never had such a one-man personality in my family, everyone always sat down at the table together. And in his family everything is like eternal from a hungry edge, everything is eaten to the last, without thinking about eating something together or leaving something that one of the family members has not yet tried. To top it all off, his sister shamelessly ate all my fruits, yoghurts and vegetables that my husband and I bought for me. I want to note that my husband's mother-in-law and sister have always made themselves adherents healthy way life, diet and all that. By this, they at least explained the fact that they do not buy sausage, sweets, flour and, in general, normal, tasty things. But this "healthy" diet did not stop them from eating all of this when I bought them. Moreover, even then I noticed that his mother sometimes makes very unreasonable expensive purchases, although she constantly complains that she does not have enough money. If she buys household chemicals, then elite, even, excuse me, toilet paper is never cheaper than 80 rubles. And if my daughter wanted a laptop, a tablet, then my mother will definitely buy them for her, even if on credit. Thus, they have a lot of loans for a phone, for a daughter, for a huge plasma of the latest model, a laptop, a tablet, a new Iron door, trip to Turkey for mom, new plastic windows, the most expensive, etc.

In general, I understood the attitude of his mother towards herself almost immediately. From these experiences, that I was a stranger there, that my husband had a bad job, that we were not getting married in any way, I was terribly nervous and two whole times lay on the safe side with a threat. I was only supported by the fact that we are madly in love with each other, that we want to be together until the end of our days, and about his mother and sister, at first I didn’t even say anything to him.

As a result, my parents could no longer tolerate this, I always shared my experiences with them, and invited us to live with them, in my room in a small 2x room Khrushchev, in which we still live already in five.

We lasted with the wedding right up to the 8th month of my pregnancy, I thought that we would sell the application and in our position they would sign us almost immediately, but we had to wait 2 months, like everyone else. As a result, we bought a wedding suit and a dress (I had it in blue) from the money that was paid to me on maternity leave. And the table was set by my parents, and my husband's mother and his sister came to get acquainted right at the wedding, without investing anything in and without giving any money. They just came to eat, as they say. Of course, there was no special celebration, there was no money for that, no strength or desire for me in the 8th month. Of course, this was not at all the event that I have always dreamed of, and from this I am still very sad.

As a result, my parents gave us money for the wedding, and the table was off them, my grandmother, aunt and grandfather also gave us money, not much of course, but as much as they could, and my mother-in-law only admired the table and made some promises that she would buy a baby stroller that is waiting for my parents to visit, but she herself has never been the first to call my mother. She said that she just didn't have that much money and all that. Although being a pensioner she receives 22 thousand rubles, but almost completely supports her 21 year old daughter and has a lot of loans.

Here, in fact, I came to the root of my problem.

Living with my parents, we naturally come across various everyday moments. And of course there are quarrels on this basis. My husband is terribly jealous of me and the child towards the parents. My parents do not like the soul in their grandson, all the time they buy something for our baby. From playpen, clothes and toys to food and baby cosmetics. While his mother has not bought anything for the baby even once in a year, although she promised to buy a stroller with his relatives.

Now my husband has been working for a year in a good position, he gets more than my parents put together, but still this is not always enough to provide for the three of us. And his mother now believes that he is obliged to help her financially. And every time she asks for more and more. She says that she has nothing to buy food or pay the rent. At the same time, my sister does not work, and in my opinion no longer studies, she said that she had switched to evening, but she herself was at home all the time or was out with friends. Plus, she has an expensive breed of dog, which also needs to be kept for something and go with her to study (Ridgeback breed).

I would not mind if we lived in full prosperity, but my husband and I have a small loan that we pay off, we also give part of the money to our parents for rent, water and electricity. And of course, since we are young, I want to dress up, and go somewhere, go. In the end, groceries also need to be bought. And as for the necessary items for child care and clothes with food for him, I generally keep quiet.

The husband believes that mom needs to be helped, they say, she is so poor and unhappy. But I know that she just uses it, for example this month he gave her twice 4 thousand, they say, she again lacks. And before that, his mother called me herself and told me that she and her daughter and the dog were going to rest in the Krasnodar Territory, they say they hadn’t had a rest for so long that they would be stressed if they didn’t go anywhere. What they ate found money to buy tickets there, and do not know what to buy return tickets for (yesterday my husband gave them 4 thousand, allegedly not enough for life). And about the fact that that year she flew to Turkey, I generally keep quiet. In general, she just pulls money out of him. When this happens, we fight with him and can never hear each other. As happened today.

And once, when we were fighting, I heard his mother say to him: "Divorce, since she is like that."

I honestly don't even know how to live like this. I cannot stand such impudence and such rudeness, besides, I am sure that she also sets him up against me, since we swear steadily, as he comes from her.

I'm even beginning to doubt whether I want to be with such a man and, therefore, in our feelings. Since quarrels constantly occur on this basis and not only. I feel unhappy, because I dreamed of a happy family and always wanted my future husband's mother to become a dear person for me, as my mother once had with her mother-in-law, my beloved grandmother.

Sorry to write so much. Please tell me what you think about this situation.

Question to the psychologist:

Hello. Me and my boyfriend are 19 years old, we have been living in a hostel together for almost a year. The problems started after we went on sabbatical. I started looking for a job and spent all the time with my boyfriend, 24 hours a day. I recovered about 8 kilograms, but with my height it is not catastrophic, besides, when we met, I weighed about the same and weighed. With my height 1. 74, I weigh 71 kilograms and feel ashamed of myself. The guy's parents divorced in childhood, his mother did not love him, he often lived with his father, and now he only maintains contact with him. Also, the guy is 5 centimeters taller than me, but very thin, so together we look very out of proportion, I have wide shoulders, a big ass, he has the opposite. About 3 months ago, my father stopped sending him money and he lived at my expense, asked him to find a job, but he sits for days and plays on the computer. He doesn't seem to refuse to go to work, and even when I found a job for him, he went to work, but after a couple of days he was fired because a person who worked there returned to his place. The guy began not to speak flatteringly about my body, hinting that I am fat, says that I have a stomach and arms like sausages, but at the same time he says it in a semi-serious tone and only when he is offended at something. He hardly pays attention to me, constantly sits playing, kisses me once every 3 hours and lasts about 5 seconds. When I tell him about this, he reacts like this: "" Yes, yes, yes, of course I don't pay attention to you. " We hardly make love, I really want to, and he often says that he is not in the mood. I have no friends, so I don't like being in society and I like being at home, so a guy goes shopping for food, but he still spends my money and it feels like he doesn't even have any remorse. When he runs out of cigarettes, he can get angry and say something hurtful. You can feel the concern, but he does not know how to say compliments, he does not know how to be gentle, and on the whole one gets the impression that I am like a mother to him. This is his first serious relationship, I was not the first and were better. I very often remember previous relationships and conclude that everything was better then than now. The guy is very kind, open, tells me everything, we talk to him even on topics that usually even close people do not talk about. And the essence of the question is that I want a different attitude towards myself, and I want this from him. But I can't get through to him. Why is this happening and what should I do in this situation, how to behave correctly and can anything be changed?

Psychologist Julia Sergeevna Builova answers the question.

Hello Sonya! You ask - is it possible to change something in the current situation? Yes, you can. But we can only change ourselves. Others are already deciding for themselves, looking at you, to change them or not.

You ask - why is this happening? And you yourself are answering this question to yourself: "On the whole, one gets the impression that I am like a mother for him," because "his mother did not love him, he often lived with his father." And what we lack most in childhood, we strive to make up in adulthood. The question arises - what do you want to fill with these relations? What does this relationship give you? You write that you love him, but what is love for you? After all, how many people are in the world, so many understandings of this word, this feeling. What does love "consist of" for you? You write that you already had a relationship, and in those relationships you also felt love differently.

You ask - how to behave? It depends on what you want to get as a result. But here you need to understand that continuing to play this "parent-child" game, you run the risk of getting bogged down in this, bringing the situation to the limit, when it will no longer be possible to endure, and then nothing will be left but to abruptly break off the relationship and be left alone with resentment.

The first thing to start with is talking about your feelings, and not swallowing resentments. But not to say a complaint, but to voice your feelings - it can be difficult and sometimes you have to learn this for years. After all, if you treat yourself with respect, then no one will be able to offend you, people will not even have a desire to say something offensive.

And also you need to talk with your boyfriend about how he sees your future, what he wants to achieve in this life, what place he gives you. It is very good that you talk about a lot, this will allow you to talk with him on these topics as well.

Any romantic relationship has both ups and downs. It can be difficult for you to describe in words what is happening in your life, and it can be difficult to make up your mind to change. You stop feeling comfortable around this person, but you drive away bad thoughts. Fortunately, there are ways to determine how toxic a relationship is. Take a look at our tips: they are clear signs unhappy marriage.

You don't want to come home

No matter what you do, you will always have both bad ones and good days... This applies to professional life, romantic relationship, raising children, everyday life or communicating with friends. When you're not in the mood, you may not want to come home from work. However, if you cannot call your own home a comfort zone, this is a reason to pay serious attention to the problem. If you don't want to enter the house because of your romantic partner, you need to take time out to reflect and contemplate a future together. The desire to be alone and avoid all contact with the chosen one indicates an unhappy relationship model.

You have low self-esteem

When your love was just beginning, this man told you a lot beautiful words, confessed his love and did everything to achieve your location. Then the recognition and compliments became less and less, but this circumstance is not a reason for disappointment. Anxiety must be beaten when the chosen one belittles your dignity and makes you feel like a worthless creature. You must be comfortable with a person who lives with you under the same roof, otherwise this relationship has no future.

Mistrust and suspicion

Any healthy relationship is built on mutual trust and respect. However, some people try to put their chosen one or chosen one in the framework of total control. They can find their soul mate anywhere by phone number, they penetrate computer accounts and accounts in social networks using a special program. They can check the phone of a husband or wife while they are showering. These people initially suspect their chosen ones of treason, and all these searches should provide the necessary confirmation. If your spouse is also playing the role of a private investigator, this suggests that he does not trust you.

Fear of Commitment

If you meet more than a year, but do not have any obligations, your relationship is at an impasse. Promises are very important to people, and most in a simple way get guarantees regarding the joint future of a woman consider a ring on a finger, a stamp in a passport and a joint child. If, after a year of your relationship, you are still afraid of commitment, then you define this person as an intermediate stage in life.

You can imagine a happy life without a partner.

It is normal for people to indulge in dreams in their spare time, most of which are likely to be unrealizable. Almost everyone has a list of celebrities that could be worth losing out on dating. However, existence in a fictional world should not displace reality from your consciousness. And if in this fictional life you are happy, but your current chosen one is not next to you, this indicates an imminent breakup. In ideal dreams, your partner should be included in your dreams.

Love gave way to indignation

Probably, you yourself did not notice how a black cat ran between you. Psychologists say that relationships begin to crumble at the moment when one of the partners begins to resent the actions or habits of the second half that previously touched him. In this situation, it is appropriate to call your spouse for a frank conversation. If it turns out that he is, just like you, unhappy in a relationship, nothing can patch the hole in your love boat. You did not notice how you became strangers, and now anger, resentment and conflict will become your companions until the break.

You keep memories of past feelings in your mind

We all remember the past from time to time and bring up joyful events associated with love in our memory. But if you are constantly comparing your current and former partner, if the past often wins out in this comparison, this indicates that you are deeply unhappy. Such mental metamorphoses are not a sign that the old passion has not yet died out. It's just that your current relationship is beginning to become obsolete. And if you do not take measures to save yourself, very soon the flame of love will be completely extinguished.