Practical psychology: human personal space. Personal space

Thousands of books and articles are written about how animals and birds mark and protect their territory, but that the person also has its own territory, we learned only quite recently. When it became known, much became clear. People were able not only to understand the cause of their own behavior, but also to predict the reaction of their interlocutors.

Let's remember some obvious things ...

The American anthropologist Edward T. Hall was one of the pioneers in the field of studying the spatial needs of a person. In the early 60s, he introduced the word "proxy" (from English Proximity - "proximity"). His research in this area was forced to look at the human relationship with the surrounding completely new.

Each country has a territory that is limited strictly with certain boundaries, sometimes protected with weapons in hand. Inside each country there are small territories - states, counties, republics. Within these small territories There are even smaller - cities and villages, which, in turn, are divided into suburbs, streets, houses and apartments. Residents of each such territory are infinitely committed and often go to any cruelty in trying to protect it.

The territory is a zone or space that a person regards as his own. It seems to be a continuation of his body. Each person has its own territory. This is a zone that exists around his property is a house and garden, surrounded by a fence, a car interior, a bedroom, a favorite chair and, as discovered Dr. Hall, even airspace around his body.

In this chapter, we will talk about this airspace and the reactions of people for the invasion of it.

Personal space.

Most animals have a strictly defined space around the body, which they consider personal. The size of this space depends on the conditions in which the animal is located. The lion living in the endless savannas of Africa can consider the personal space of fifty kilometers and even more depending on the density of the population of Lviv in this area. He marks his territory with urine. On the other hand, the lion living in the zoo, together with other lions, can consider the personal territory of only a few meters - a direct result of the crowding.

Like other animals, a person has its own "aircraft", which is constantly around him. The size of this "cap" depend on the density of the population in the place where a person has grown. In addition, the size of airspace is also determined by the cultural medium. In countries such as Japan, where the population density is very high, the personal territory may be small, and in other countries, people are accustomed to expanses and do not like when they are too approaching. But we are talking about the territorial behavior of people who have grown in the conditions of Western society.

Social status also plays a major role in determining the personal space in subsequent chapters, we will discuss what the distance prefers to keep from others depending on its position in society.

Zones.

Radius "Air Cap" around white manbelonging to the middle class and living in Australia, New Zealand, England, North America or Canada, almost the same. It can be divided into four main zones.

1. Intimate zone (from 15 to 45 cm).
From all zones this is the main. Her person considers as personal property. Only the closest thing is allowed to invade it. This can afford lovers, parents, spouses, children, close friends and relatives. In the inner zone (that is, 15 cm closer) can be invade only during physical contact. This is the most intimate zone.

2. Personal zone (from 46 cm to 1.22 m).
At such a distance from the surrounding we stand at parties, official receptionsfriendly meetings or at work.

3. Social zone (from 1.22 to 3.6 m).
If we meet with outsiders, we prefer that they keep themselves at such a distance from us. We do not like if plumbing, carpenter, postman, seller, new colleague Or simply unfamiliar to us a man approached a closer distance.

4. Public zone (over 3.6 m).
When we appeal to a large group of people, then such a distance is most preferable for us.

Practical use.

Other people invade our intimate zone For two reasons. First, it can be close friends, relatives or people who have sexual intentions regarding us. Secondly, the invasion of an intimate zone can be carried out with hostile intentions. If the presence of foreign people in the personal and social zone can still withstand, the invasion of the intimate zone causes physiological changes in our body. The person has a heart matter, adrenaline is thrown into the blood, the blood sticks to the brain, and the muscles strain in an unconscious attempt to reflect the attack.

So when you are friendly hugging a person with whom I just met, he can treat you deep down the soul very negatively, although externally smile and show sympathy to not offend you immediately. If you want people to feel comfortable in your company, keep the distance. it golden Rulewhich should always be followed. The closer your relationship with other people, the closer you can approach them. For example, new employee It may feel that colleagues are treated cold, but in fact they only hold it at a distance of the social zone. When they recognize it closer, this distance will decrease. If the relationship becomes well, the new employee will be allowed to invade the personal zones of colleagues, and in some cases even in intimate.

If two people, kissing, do not bring the hips, it says a lot about their relationships. Lovers are always pressed together with all the body and strive to penetrate the most intimate partner zone. Such a kiss is sharply different from anything that does not bind a kiss during a new year meeting or from a kiss with his wife best friend. During such fellows, partners are at a distance of no less than fifteen centimeters from each other.

The only exception to this rule is the space due to the social situation of a person. For example, cEO A large firm loves to hold a weekend, catching fish with her subordinates. On fishing, they can invade their personal and even in intimate zones of each other. But at work, the director will keep his buddy at the social distance. This is an unwritten law of social division.

Tucks in theatrical lobby, in cinemas, in elevators, trains or buses leads to the inevitable invasion of intimate zones of completely outsiders. Behind the reaction, such an invasion is interesting to observe.
Here is a list of unwritten rules, which are strictly adhered to Western people who have fallen into the roller, crowded elevator or public transport:
1. You should not talk to anyone, even with your friends.
2. You must avoid visual contact with the surrounding.
3. You must hide your feelings - any manifestation of emotions is unacceptable.
4. If you have a book or newspaper, you must completely delve into her reading.
5. The larger the people, the less movements you should do.
6. In the elevators, you must concentrately look at the floor number sunbathing above the door.

We often consider people who are forced to get to work in the watch "Peak" by public transport, unhappy, decent regret and depressed. These labels were glued to them because of the indifferent expression of the face they retain during the trip. But this is just a common prejudice. The observer sees only a group of people who adhe certain rulescaused by the inevitable invasion of outsiders in the personal zone in a crowded public place.

If you doubt this, pay attention to your own behavior, deciding alone to go to the movies. When a ticket will hold you in place and you surrounds the sea of \u200b\u200bstrangers, analyze your own behavior. You, like a programmed robot, will obey the unwritten rules of behavior in public places. As soon as you start entering the territorial conflict with an unfamiliar person sitting behind you, you will immediately realize why those who walk into the movies alone prefer to go to the hall only after the light and the film will begin. Are we in a crowded elevator, in a cinema or bus people around us cease to be personalities. They seem to do not exist for us, and we do not react to the invasion of our intimate zone, obeying the long-generated rules of conduct.

The angry crowd or demonstration, combined with a common goal, acts completely differently, as a separate person if they encroach on its territory. Here the situation is quite different. As the density of the crowd increases, each person has less and less personal space, which causes the occurrence of a sense of hostility. That is why the more crowd, the more aggressive and ugly. In such a situation, the riots are inevitable. It is well known to the police, which always seeks to break the crowd Nag a few small groups. Combined personal space, man always becomes calmer.

Only B. last years Governments and urban planners paid attention to the effect that dense housing is on people. A person living in such an area is deprived of personal territory. The effects of high density and recurrence were identified during the observations of the deer population on the island of James, located two kilometers from the coast of Maryland in Chesapeake Bay in the United States. A lot of deer died, despite the fact that they had enough write and water, there were no predators and in risen, and no infection on the island was shooting. Previously, similar studies, scientists were performed on rats and rabbits. The results were obtained the same. Deer died from the superfluous activities of adrenal glands caused by stress from the reduction of personal territory due to the growth of the population. The adrenal glands play an important role in the growth, reproduction and resistance of the living organism. The physiological reaction to stress leads to precisely overpowering, and not hunger, infection or aggressive actions of others.

In the light of the foregoing, it is easy to understand why the level of crime in areas with high density The population is much higher than in less populated areas.

Investigators often use the invasion technique in private space to break the resistance of the criminal upon interrogation. They put the questioned on a fixed chair without armrests in the center of the room, invade his personal and intimate zone, asking questions, and remain in it until they receive a response. Often the resistance of the criminal turns out to be broken almost immediately after the invasion of its intimate zone. Managers use the same approach to get information from subordinates that can hide it for some reason. But if the seller tries to a similar reception, he will make a gross mistake.

Rituals associated with space.

When a person receives a personal space, protected from outsiders, such as a chair in a cinema, a place at the table of negotiations or a towel hook in a sports dressing room, his behavior becomes very predictable. Usually a person chooses the largest space between the two present and is located in the middle. At the cinema, the audience most often prefer a place in the center between sitting in a row man and the last chair. In the sports dressing room, a person will undoubtedly choose a hook, where the most space, between two other towels or in the middle between the last towel and the end of the hangers. The purpose of this ritual is very simple: a person seeks not to insult others, close to them approaching or, on the contrary, too removing from them.

If in the cinema you choose the place not in the middle between the last Sitting and the end of the row, this viewer may feel offended topicsthat you sat too far away from it, or frightened by the fact that you approached it too much. Therefore, the main purpose of such an unconscious ritual is to maintain harmony.

Exception to this rule are public toilets. Studies have shown that in 90 percent cases, people choose the most extreme toilet, but if he is busy, then the same principle of the golden middle is entering into business.

Cultural factors affecting the territory and zones.

A young couple moving from Denmark to Sydney was offered to join the local club. A few weeks after their first visit to the club, several women complained that the Dane would stick to them. They began to feel embarrassed in his presence. The men decided that the young Dranka would not clearly give them to understand what was completely accessible in sexual terms.

The fact is that for many Europeans, the intimate distance is only 20-30 cm, and in some countries even less. The Danish couple felt quite comfortable, while at a distance of 25 cm from Australians. They were completely unaware that they invade their 46 centimeter intimate zone. Danes got used to look closely in the eyes of the interlocutors in contrast to Australians. As a result, the owners had a completely infuriated impression of new neighbors

The invasion of the intimate zone of the opposite sex is a way to people show their interest. Such behavior is often called flirting. If the invasion of an intimate zone is undesirable, a person retreats on the pressed distance. If the courtship is encountered approvingly, then the person remains in place and does not attempt to keep the distance. The fact that for the Danish couple was the norm of behavior, Australians appreciated as sexual harassment. The Danes decided that the Australians were cold and unfriendly, because they always tried to keep a comfortable distance for them.

Spatial zones in citizens and rural residents.

Personal space needless personis associated with the density of the population in the zone of his stay. Those who grew up in a small countryside, requires more space than residents of crowded metropolitan cities. Observation of how a person stretches his hand for a handshake, immediately makes it clear whether he lives in a big city or came from the village. The townspeople comply with their familiar 46-centimeter personal zone.

Two men from the city welcome each other between the wrist of the body remains exactly the distance. This allows the hand to meet another person in neutral territory. The same who came from the countryside, where people are accustomed to live freely, can consider the personal territory of the meter or even more so they stretch the hand completely differently, seeking to keep a comfortable distance for themselves. Rural inhabitants accustomed firmly standing on Earth. He Hello with you, they lean all the body to you. A resident of the city, on the contrary, will make a step forward to shake your hand. People who grew up in unclosed or secluded places, there is always more space. Sometimes they have little six meters. They do not like their own handshakes, but prefer to greet each other at a distance.

Such information is very useful for urban vendors who are sent to the countryside to sell agricultural equipment. Knowing that the farmer can consider a personal zone from a meter to two and that he may regard a handshake as a territorial encroachment, an experienced seller will prefer not to configure a potential buyer negatively and not restore him against himself. Experienced sellers have long noticed that trade is much more successful if they welcome the resident of a small town with a removed handshake, and a farmer from a small-populated area is just a wave of his hands.

Territory and property.

The ownership of a person or any place, they are constantly used, he considers as a personal territory and can enter into fighting to protect it. Car, office, house - all this territory having a clearly defined border in the form of walls, gates, fences and doors. Each territory is divided into several subterrectors. For example, a woman can consider a personal territory in the house kitchen and her bedroom. She will not like when someone invades there when she is busy with their own affairs. Each businessman has its favorite place at the negotiating table, the staff often sit in the same table in the dining room, and each family of the family has their favorite armchair. To mark your territory, a person can leave its things on it or constantly use it.

People sometimes even cut their initials on "their" place at the table, and businessmen put the ashtrays chairs opposite "their" stools, put the handles, notebooks or hang clothes, thereby limiting the comfortable 46-centimeter zone. Dr. Desmond Morris noticed that the book or handle left on the table in the reading room would save your place unoccupied for 77 minutes, and the jacket hanging on the back chairs gave a guarantee for as many as two hours. A family member can mark a favorite chair, leaving on him or near him personal belongings - a handset or magazine to show their right to this place.

If the head of the family offers a merchant to sit down and it will completely unintentionally take "his" chair, a promising buyer will be excited from this invasion of its territory, which will forget about buying and focuses only on defense. A simple question like: "What is your chair?" - It will help to discharge the situation and do not make a territorial error.

Cars.

Psychologists noticed that people manage their cars at all as they behave in everyday life. The concept of territory in the car changes dramatically. It seems that the car magic way affects the personal space of a person. Sometimes personal space can increase 8-10 times. The driver feels what can claim 9-10 meters in front of his car and behind him. When another car turns out to be in front of him, even if the probability of an accident is excluded, the driver begins to be annoyed, and sometimes even attack another car. Compare this situation with elevator. The person is included in the elevator, and the one who is trying to get ahead, is invading his personal territory. But still normal reaction In such a situation, it will be unambiguous: a person will apologize and miss another forward. On the highway, everything happens completely differently.

Some people consider their car with something like a protective cocoon, in which they can hide from the outside world. They slowly go along the roadside, almost moving into a cuvette, but nevertheless. They are also dangerous as those who rush along the left strip, considering all the way with their property.

Conclusion.

The surrounding can accept or push you depending on how respectfully you will react to their personal space. That is why a sociable person who constantly claps you on the shoulder or tries to touch you in the conversation process, it causes a subconscious rejection in the interlocutor. Evaluating the distance comfortable for his interlocutor, many different factors should take into account. Only after that you can make some kind of conclusion as to why a person kept at a certain distance from you.

Any, even the most perfect relationship Sooner or later become colder. And the reason for this is not the lack of love. Most often the main is the need for personal space and. The average relations pass three stages:

Stage 1. Fairy Tale

At the beginning of relations, both partners all the time pay each other. They strive to walk more often for walks, they are engaged in sports, visit friends and parties. - The question is rhetorical. One thing is clear - without the possibility of hug or at least touch your beloved person there is a feeling of discomfort, I want to immediately find out where he and what he does. During the first week or months, such relationships are similar to a fairy tale, because mutual understanding reigns between partners, they know everything about each other, the interests, habits and preferences of the second half. Communication delivers only pleasant emotions, and life will separately plunge into the longing.

Stage 2. A little weekdays

Over time, constant proximity is bored. No, love does not leave - the desire of the personal territory appears, the boundaries of which are indispensable. Partners lose interest, the need to share plans or thoughts, seek to be alone. The idea that love passed, and there is nothing surprising. After all, strong and trusting relationships cease to be the same.

Stage 3. "You do not love me!"

When such changes occur, in love it seems that the second half of them sobbed or even has a relationship on the side. Begins, control, requirements constantly be together. This behavior is most often attributed to a woman, because a man is considered more freedom and seeking independence. In consciousness, the image of a husband, going fishing or a football match, and his wife, who tries to violate these plans to break down firmly. But men, Zano defending the right to their own territory and hobbies, often infringe in this desire of women. They seek to control her contacts with friends, require that in their free time it was at home, prohibit attending parties or other events. But the representative of beautiful sex also strive for a personal space. Faced with such a relationship from a partner, they naturally require respect for equality. Very rarely after all this couple retains relationships. If it succeeds, one of the parties remains oppressed or submits, sacrificing its interests.

The main reason for these disagreements and grinding is a lack of personal space. It is still caused by children's ideas about perfect pare.which is happy only together. In reality, such relationships are doomed to failure. It is impossible to start creating them without understanding that every person is personality, and it requires a certain amount of free time and territory. No one likes permanent control or need to report on each per minute of free time.

In addition, the basis of reliable and stable relationships. If you are sure that your loved one will not betray you and will support in any situation, checking and unnecessary questions to no effect. Otherwise, ask yourself: "Do I need such relationships?" After all, constant jealousy, and the spent nerves will not lead to the result. Calls every half an hour, hundreds of SMS messages, check mail and hacking pages in social networks - Women explain such behavior to the desire to keep her beloved, but they rarely manage to achieve the goal. The result of such relationships becomes a break.

After all, the need for a person in certain freedom is as natural as the need for communicating, respect or love. By depriving your second half the right to independence, you not only infiltrate it, but also confront your own happiness.

What should not be done if you strive for personal space in relationships:

Devote all free time

Is your chosen one goes to the match favorite team? It is not worth a hurry to buy a whistle and become a shock fan of football - Let a man be in the company of friends. At this time, you can meet with friends or to organize shopping. But even if you stay at home and read the book, you should not call your beloved or write SMS messages - it will think that you are busy with something very interesting and wants to go back home soon.

Allowed to take care

Remember how little children are shy when mom kiss or hug them in front of friends? Your second half is just as unpleasant when you feel about it with an excessive concern. No, in reasonable limits, this is good, but constantly asking an adult, whether he is not hungry or remind of a cap pointless. After all, until the meeting with you, he calmed down himself - and remained healthy, full and did not suffer from avitaminosis. Accordingly, now he is able to take care of himself.

Control

No one loves when he is trying to control it. Calls every half an hour or SMS messages a hundred times a day are able to derive even the most patient and calm person. And if you also wait for it at the entrance to work or check the location, you can forget about normal relations.

Forbid

Each person in the process of development and adults has formed their habits or hobbies. Let the partner stay as it is. With all the shortcomings and habits. After all, you fell in love with him as it is - so why redo your soul mate? If he likes every weekend to ride fishing or attend a golf club, do not insist on a joint picnic or travel to parents. Better thanks to yourself or organize a meeting with friends.

Blame

Favorite delayed at work? Or drove to friends? You should not meet him with tears, phrases "You do not love me" or a reproach. Requests for forgiveness or explanations do not add positive and do not guarantee the termination of this in the future. On the contrary, they destroy the desire to be with you nearby.

Check

Remember that the basis of a reliable relationship is trust. If you are reading your favorite SMS messages, check new phone numbers or overheard, it feels in corner. Disappointment from what they do not trust him and try to check out every word or trace every step with time love will win.

These six rules will allow you to translate attitudes on new levelby adding some trust, mutual respect and.

3 ways to ensure compliance with personal territory and make your feelings light up with a new force.

Personal territory

It's not about separate bedrooms. In the West, this tradition is very common, but we have not worried about us yet. Personal territory can be a small shelf or a separate workplace. The rule is one - only the owner can have access to it. Even if on the table of your second half the chaos reigns, do not spend cleaning there. Let his beloved or beloved know that no one will rummage in papers or rearrange things - it will make relationships in trust.

Spend time away from each other

If there are few hours on vacation in different cities or even countries, to spend just a couple of hours a day separately - the task is quite perfect. Go to fitness classes or visit the beauty salon, and your loved one will meet with friends or go hunting. At the same time, constant calls are definitely too much. Let your beloved be alone with you, and you will see that after the break you will accommodate to each other with new feelings.

Do not tell everything

Conversation is important and necessary. But there are situations where there is no desire to speak simply. It is not necessary through the power to explain the cause of such a state. It is much better to say that you want loneliness, and not arranged to conversations. If your partner loves you, he will definitely understand and will not insist.

Each pair is all folded individually. And the time that partners are conducted together depends only on their characters and preferences. But if a man and woman love each other, they will always find a compromise. Provide the partner to the territory, whose boundaries do not overtaken nobody, and free time, which he manages at its discretion. As a result, come back every day and share news will be a pleasant need, not a duty. 2-3 hours a day are useful for making it possible to miss and give new sensations. And the confidence is that your second half trusts you and is not looking for confirmation by your words, simply pleasant.

If you strive to create a relationship, which is based on mutual understanding and love, do not disturb the personal space of another person. The awareness of freedom allows both parties to feel happy and confident in each other. Do not demand from your beloved or beloved to be constantly together and do not control it / her. But do not let anyone violate your personal space - you have the same right on it as another person. Remember: Only retaining freedom and without requiring partner permanent reports, you will create a solid alliance based on trust and mutual respect.

If you do not know what to talk about on the first date with a man, do not panic. There is nothing surprising that people, experiencing excitement at the meeting, are lost and feel awkward due to the emerging pauses.

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Hello, dear blog readers Valery Harlamova! I think you have repeatedly heard the expression "personal space". But what is it? How to discover it or near a friend? And, especially what to do with this information then?

What are personal boundaries?

Each country has its own laws, norms and rules of behavior, whose violation is punished, up to prison. But how to be with a friend who can afford, drunk, call you at three o'clock in the morning, because it's boring? Or with a loved one who believes that you should not have secrets from him, so allows you to check the working correspondence or friends?

Or with the neighbors, which a year ago "lent" you have a working tool, and have the impudence to ask something else, saying that it is literally a couple of days? If all this suits you, this is one thing, but if every time you feel anxiety, anxiety and irritation - then it's time to start protecting your borders. Because you are responsible for their preservation, and not those bad and uncompatible people who do not understand that they bring concern.

You are cloudy entrance door Before going to sleep? So, personal space or border is a realization of the personality of its features and characteristics, understanding that it has differences from other people. It is this detacity that is the true "I", when a person knows what he rejoices, sadness, that he is angry and do not like what he wants or on the contrary, it is afraid.

And these knowledge arose in the process of recognizing themselves, if the personality is capable of listening to himself and notice itself, and not because the mother or wife said so much, so like the authorities or accepted in society.

What is personal space?

There are also zones for which it is quite realistic to measure the distance to which we let different people.

1. Intimate zone. As understandable by name, this is the most vulnerable place to which only close people are allowed, or those with whom you want physical contact. It is believed that it takes about 15 to 45 cm directly from the human body.
2. Personal zone. From 45 cm and up to 1 m, 20 cm. At this distance usually communicate familiar, colleagues, friends and so on.
3. Social. Distance from 1 m, 20 cm and up to 3 m, 60 cm. This area is for people strangers. Suppose, falling with them into one room, we will unconsciously keep away.
4. Public. Getting to the concert, lecture and similar place where a large cluster of people, we will try to keep them from about 3 meters away and 60 cm. Usually it is necessary to lecturers and artists themselves to feel at least some security.

Violation

It should be borne in mind that psychology - science is not very accurate, as the individual features of each person should be taken into account. Someone is comfortable to communicate from afar, and someone "nose to the nose". It is difficult to those people who have exacerbated feelings about security when they need some remoteness from others. After all, then at concerts they experience panic, in public transport, irritation, disgust and anxiety, the same in the elevator, at work, and so on.

Suppose every invasion is akin to slaughter, and now imagine how much a person is experiencing a person during the day? The emotional sphere in this case is creeps, a person is not able to adequately respond to the slightest stimuli, because he had to tolerate and experience stress, and for a long time. And what about being a child, whom is called a capricious, but in fact "stunned" the arms and kisses he did not want?

We noticed that there are people who like to talk when people are too close to each other? It seems to be a little move or deviate back, and this man again approaches. And sort of good man, But the conversation with him wants to finish faster. And when something has to withstand, we are already talking about borders. After all, what prevents an obsessive person to say that it moved a little, otherwise you are not so much comfortable?

Examples of violations

It often happens that a person seems to understand this, but ready to "betray" himself in order to get something. Therefore, women can endure the mockery of their men, thinking that obedience and sacrifice will conquer their love capable of changing tyrants. Or because to be afraid to take responsibility and break this vicious circle. Loneliness scares what others will say ...

Or, for example, the employee is ready to perform any instructions, up to the point that go out on the day off, just to please the bosses that it will appreciate and be sure to increase. And you know the fables that a real friend will never quit in trouble, so I will wake up at any time of the night and will surround helping corpus and similar?

The mass of the reasons for which a person ignores his own "I", but more frequent cause Is ignorance yourself or that everyone has the right to their opinion and personal space.

Well, here, let's say I do not like sweet, what am I now, stuffed up to match someone's expectations? No, it is only worth learn to keep the balance between your "I" and the requirements of society.

What to do?

1. Personal rules

• First of all, write a list of rules for which you live. After that, carefully review each item. All suits you? Clearly, since you live so much, then, most likely, it suits, the question is a little about the other: what exactly does the feeling of tension, irritation or confusion arises? After that, think about how you can defend yourself, a little converting these rules.
• Next time, communicating with someone and noticing that something is wrong, take a pause, for example, going to the toilet, and think about what exactly you touched that you reacted the anger, offend and so on. When I understood - put another limiter to the list of rules.
• Remember the situation when you felt discomfort, write them down and think up your stop for each way. Because, in the so-called, " field conditions"When you have not really learned to defend yourself - you can be confused and not to react properly. But when the reaction template is prepared in advance, the first time will be much easier to cope with the manipulations of others.

Suppose relatives are trying to influence you so that you do something as they consider fit. You can stock such phrase: "Thank you for care about me, but I know how to do it."

Or on weekends is not something that do not work, but also not to talk about it with loved ones. Saturday-Sunday - family days dedicated to the family. After 22:00 not to respond to calls. This is time to relax. Then you will stop disturbing the trifles, knowing that the phone is disabled. Do not talk about politics, as it leads to conflicts from which you are tired. In general, the meaning is understandable? Thanks to its own rules, you can protect yourself from excess stress that necessarily causes every invasion of your space.

2. Feelings

• Learn to talk about your feelings. To begin with, examine what they are, because they are actually very much. After that, feeling discomfort and pressure, talk about it. Then you will be. When you do not do this, then of course scary. Even if the boundaries have always been violated, it's never too late to build them.
• Even if you ask you about something close, and you, agreeing, feel tension - this is already a violation of the personal zone. Be careful to your feelings. Learning to protect yourself from manipulation will help you.

3. Contact zones

• Being in public places, try to explore your zones, how much the distance can you be comfortable for various people? And then you can adjust your condition, moving away or approaching intentionally. And the next time it will be clearer, where the alarm or irritation is taken from when communicating, and how to cope with it.
• Do not forget that other people also have the right to separately, and if you want to be considered with your preferences or prohibitions, you should not react by the offend, encountered on the restrictions even very close man. For example, there is a stereotype that men are strong, and can cope with any problems for the sake of the beloved woman, even working without rest. But, like every person, the opportunity to relax and recover is vital. And everyone does it in their own way. Someone is fishing, someone knits crochet or just looks into the ceiling. Therefore, it is necessary to allow him to "shoot armor" and approach yourself in such a way that it is comfortable.

4. Value of the inner world

To easier to defend yourself, imagine that in your favorite house, a car or office, in general, the place you love is trying to get a person, all in the mud, saying that it will go literally for a couple of minutes. And you look at him and understand that then a very long time you have to clean everything and wash after it. What will you do? Most likely, ask to leave, and return clean. Right?

You will not be ashamed to say that the dirt is dripping on your clean floor or a rug? And why then with your soul otherwise handle? Why allow it to soak and leave traces that cannot be washed?

Almost any invasion is possible to anticipate, taking care of yourself in advance. As I said, it is stupid to leave the entrance door open for the night and hope that no one will dare to get into someone else's territory.

Do not want to solve work questions in your free time? Do not answer calls, if you see that you are gaining from the office. Are angry that friends will be among the nights all the time? Disconnect the sound and the problem is solved. No one must take care of your comfort. This is only your responsibility. And if it is broken all the time, think why you allow it, and how exactly.

Conclusion

And today everything, dear readers! Be vigilant, especially in relation to the physical sensations, the body will not deceive you, and will always know that he is uncomfortable, not only with tension, but also nausea, pain. So carefully follow these signals.

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Material prepared Zhuravin Alina.

1. Intimate zone - from 15 to 45 centimeters. Of all areas, of course, this is the most important. Only those who are emotionally close to us are allowed to enter this zone. These are children, spouses, lovers, children of close friends and relatives, pets.

2. Personal zone -46 cm-1.22 m. This is the distance on which we usually prefer each other to be on friendly meetings, parties, etc.

3. Social zone - 1.22m. - 3.6 m. At such a distance we stand from unfamiliar people And people we know not very well (for example, a new employee).

4. Public zone - More than 3.6m. This is a convenient distance that we choose whenever we appeal to a large group of people.

Practical application of a personal space zone

The violation of our intimate zone indicates that a person is a close relative or friend. Or he has sexual interest to us. If a person towards us is hostile to us, it can talk about his intention to attack us.

While we are more or less calm about other people's movements within our personal and social zone, the invasion of someone else's person in the intimate zone causes physiological changes in our body. The heart beats faster, adrenaline stands out, blood rushes into the brain and muscles - physiological preparations for the potential struggle or possible flight occurs.

And this means that friendly hugging someone with whom you just met, you can cause a negative feeling in this person towards you. Even ate he will smile, not to offend you.

At the same time, it should be borne in mind that women tend to stand closer to each other than men, and more often allow themselves to touch each other.

If you strive for people to feel certain comfort with you, do not forget about the golden rule - keep the distance.

The closer relationship with other people, the closer they allow us to move within the zone of personal space. For example, a new employee at work may initially perceive that other employees are cold to him. But they only hold it within their social zone until they know it better. Over time, as learning, the distance between them will decrease until it is allowed to move within the personal zone.

The social position of the person also affects spatial distances. For example, the Director-General may be a friend of one of the subordinates on fishing during the day off, when each of them moves in the personal zone of each other. However, on the work, the director complies with the social distance with his fishing buddy, supporting the unwritten Code of Social Rules.

During communication with people, it is necessary to take into account the zones of personal space, due to cultural and socially. About how signs to determine the approximate borders of the person's personal space will tell in the next article.