If the wife does not work: good or bad is it for marriage? Wife does not work. Pros and cons for the family unemployed wife

Larisa is in marriage for ten years. She has a wonderful six year old son, and probably ideal husband. Loving, attentive, caring, reliable and well earning - yes, all this in one person. The list of his advantages can be continued infinitely - and in the child does not have a soul, and there is no complaints to his wife, and salary all before a penny to the house, and bouquets of oakhaps - and, without reason, just like that.
In short, not a husband, but a gift of fate.

The only question for which the spouses cannot come to consensus - the husband is categorically against Larissa worked.
There are no material causes to go to work near Larisa. She has everything you need, and even more. Good flat, car, trips several times a year, coming to the house of a household house, the lack of need to consider a penny. By the formation of Larisa, the philologist, and to work, actually, they are not expelled anywhere. In his youth, worked a couple of years at school, I realized that it was definitely not her, got married, quit and ... sat down at home. At first, I was sure that it would get pregnant, he would give birth to, sit for years to three, and there will already be determined in life. My husband did not read this plans. However, the process was delayed: with pregnancy everything was not immediately not immediately, during the birth, there were complications that led to the fact that more children from Larisa would not be. Yes, and with the son at first there was not everything smoothly - a few weeks after his birth, doctors did not give any forecasts at all ...

However, now everything is bad for a long time behind.
The son is quite healthy and cheerful, smartly inquisitive child, next year will go to the gymnasium, of course, in private. Classes at school are stretched for the whole day: music, physical education, rhythm, languages, general education, self-preparation. The kid will leave home in the morning and come in the evening. And Larisa is already thinking with fear - what will it be to do all day, alone in the apartment?
Larisa will be happy to give birth to the second child - but alas. It is not ready to take the reception.
It would be logical to find some kind of work - but the husband does not want to hear about it.

Ninety percent of the success of a man is a strong rear! - he says all the time. - I must be calm for the family, for a child. Sit at home, how much do you earn? Twenty thousand rubles? Do not make me laugh. Your job problems will bring us everything to a much larger amount ...
No, the husband does not argue, not scandalite and will not hysteriate, it is argued clearly and clear. Want to work - come out, work. But first I graduate the problem who will sit with the child. Nanny hire - but where is the guarantee that the nanny does not rope? We have one child, constantly emphasizes the husband. There is no spare. And there will be no. Who will take him to the pool and to prepare for school? On what? on public transport? There is tuberculosis, meningitis, AIDS and some more cholera ... Come on, go, earn your twenty kopecks - the house will be abandoned, the child will raise the random other people, but you will be fun and good ...

While the child was small, Larisa sat with him at home and did not rush anywhere.
And now she is not that it really wanted to work. Honestly, the longer she is at home, the less somewhere I want to go out, it scares. Well, how will life take and turn the other party? Yes, they have an account in the bank, real estate, car. But, what happens to, all this long years will not be enough.
It is necessary to somehow become on my feet, something to imagine ... Mom also says about it, constantly examples, as "one, too, was sitting in a housewife with a husband up to fifty years, and then he left overnight, and she I went to the paceman on the base, keeps the kouli now with potatoes "...

In recent months, Larisa catches himself to think that somehow stuck something. Wound, everything simplified, in the days when a child has no classes, walks around the house in pajamas, not even disguised and to the arrival of the housekeeper. The girlfriends were not left for a long time, not to communicate with anyone, and it does not pull - you can call the phone now for Larisa. And what will happen in five years of such life? and ten?
- Try to find a job half a day! - Larisa suggest. - Or at home ... the husband will see that you can combine the child and work - and everything will work out ...
Larisa searched - but not succeeded. She, and without the terms, it will be done now, will probably be not easy. And if more with claims type, you need a shortened day or flexible schedule, so it is not needed by anyone. And at home and deeply. Writing articles for 10 rubles 1000 characters - the labor is a rigor, and even for such a place, people in a fight go. Moreover, people. which these 10 rubles are really needed - on bread ...

You see! - says husband. - At home you will bring more benefit. Sit even. You need a child, me. On your family keeps. You leave home - and the house will empty ...
Sit, really, at home?
or "leave the comfort zone", how do you write everywhere, try to change something?
But how? Where to begin? Contract with my husband - he does not want to hear. Looking for a job and put before the fact - then the family will really shrink on the seams. Who will like this? For her husband, Larisa her seat sitting is a fundamental question. On compromises, he, apparently, is not ready yet.
What do you think?

More recently, the position of the men was popular that the wife should sit at home, to engage in the economy and educate children. So the men who have achieved the provisions in the society who built a career are arguing. They have stable incomeallowing you to contain a large family. Such a model takes place now, but more and more women housewives seek to go to work. However, the opposite problem is found when the wife does not want to work. The husbands of such women want them to start working. The problem of multifaceted, requiring an integrated approach.

Women do not always seek to go to work

Problems of the family hierarchy

The problem is that a woman in this moment It does not work, may be that earlier her husband wanted her to sit at home. This position can be explained by the following reasons:

• the established family hierarchy, in which a man is the head of a family who produces food for food, and a woman - a helper that should brilliantly perform their homework; If the hierarchy is broken when the wife starts to make a career, then the collapse of family values \u200b\u200bmay come;
• not too confident husband is trying to assert himself due to the fact that the wife will sit at home, and he will work on a low-paid position;
• another category of men who want to see a spouse at home, but engaged in useful activities, these are businessmen, politicians, public figures, which are in statuations to have a non-working wife.

Many men see his wife as a potential housewife

Causes of reluctance

If the wife does not want to work, then be sure to have their own reasons that the husband should find to avoid serious conflicts up to a divorce. Among the common reasons are distinguished:

• the model of the parental family, in which it was believed to be that the man fully provides a family, the wife does not work, but is engaged in household chores and subordinate to the spouse;
• she does not want to do anything, because it's used to get everything ready, she is just lazy; Such a model can go from the family of parents due to the spoilness in childhood;
• no education, and the woman does not seek to get a profession to get a job;
• there is no physical opportunity, on medical records, some women cannot even fulfill the most simple work;
• the woman is entirely engaged in family and believes that professional activities will take time and strength from her, and its relatives will be deprived; Such an argument often leads large mothers.

Solution to the problem

There are two sides of the problem if the wife does not work. In such a state of affairs, there are positives that a man trying to make his wife go to work should see. And realizing them, to accept the situation, it will bring him peace of mind and water the world in the family. Nothing will not have to do to change the situation.

To the number of unambiguous advantages of the non-working wife belong:

• spouse gets good nutrition And never hungry;
• husband is not engaged in homemade, life is fully leading his wife, turning to him only in serious cases;
• the woman carries out a full care of children, raises them;
• the man is able to relax better, which increases productivity;
• if the spouse can pass the second half of the budget, then it will be released from financial issues;
• the man appears more free time, which he can spend with benefit.

If a man is still convinced that in their family, both spouses should work, then certain measures should be taken. The best way - Call your wife to a frank conversation and allow her to express everything she thinks about his employment.

Disabled wife provides husband full nutrition

As arguments that a husband can lead in favor of the employment of his wife, you can call the following:

• improving the material welfare of the family, this is especially true for those families whose income is low;
• while the wife sits at home, all life passes by her, working, she will be aware of all the events;
• woman can constantly increase its intellectual level, the spouses will talk about;
• the woman will have an external and inner self-confidence, she will acquire a certain status;
• she has financial independence.

If all these arguments do not work, and the wife is still sitting at home, then you can get advice, how to behave in this situation, at a psychologist.

Well, if the spouses will visit a specialist together, during the general conversation there may be hidden previous circumstances. Having been at a psychologist, a couple can come to a solution, work wife or not. But they must remember that the family is more important than any work.

Some time ago, the topic associated with the advantages and disadvantages of the fact that the wife does not go to work, would have caused people a huge amount of inadequate exclamations. After all, at that time, people believed that the woman should only deal with homemade household, and not earn money.

Nowadays, this situation has changed in a fundamental degree, and those families in which the wife does not work, today are really rare. So, what are the advantages and shortcomings of the fact that the wife is sitting at home and does not earn money. In some situations, it happens that a woman dreams of constantly engaged in creating life, raising children, and not to sit at work. After all, the well-being of the family allows it to do. How can it all be reflected on family relationship And does her beloved man understand her such desires? Naturally, each male representative on such statements can respond differently. Although our time there are both husbands who are against the wife constantly sitting at home. In a situation where the answer of a man is not so categorical, experts recommend trying to translate such an idea into reality. But at the same time it is necessary to remember that there are both the pros and negative points that the wife does not go to work.

First of all, it is worth noting the fact that when a woman ceases to work, it immediately becomes less tortured and less irritable, which respectively affects the family relations. Such changes, of course, the husband will notice immediately. In addition, some modern men are still, as in the old time, they believe that a woman should not work at all, since only a man is obliged to provide a family. At the same time, he gets a huge amount of advantages, for example, when it comes home always covered the table with many varied delicious dishes. At the same time, it is likely that in this situation it expects more passionate sex with his wife, which missed his beloved man.

And if at the same time a woman will not cease to communicate with friends and will not cease to care for himself, then, most likely, such actions will be able to greatly strengthen the family. In this regard, the husband will begin to treat his wife not as a non-working thieves, but as a good and pleasant person. But, what, how to do in a situation where exactly the man insists that the wife is sitting at home, but did not go to work? In principle, in this situation, each husband will support most often any decision of his own second half. If she refuses to sit at home, most likely he will understand and take such a wish. Although it happens that it is a woman who does not want to work. Why does this happen?

If the desire of a female representative to feel in the role of an ordinary housewife completely coincides with the wishes of the spouse, then you should try. After all, not only a woman and man and their relationship will be quite likely to win from this.

So, what does a man get in a situation where the wife does not go to work? First of all, it is worth noting here that in this state of affairs, you can actually create perfect familyWhen a woman is a custodian of the hearth, and the man on the contrary is considered to be a getter. Some male representatives all their lives dream that during the arrival of home after the hardest working day of him constantly met the spouse with a plate of delicious and fresh borscht and pure sheets. If, for example, to such wishes of a man, a woman belongs simply perfectly, their family will continue to be harmonious and happy. And at the same time you do not need to think about why women do not want to work, because everything is just fine.

But, sometimes the desire of a man that the wife is sitting at home arises and completely for other reasons, for example, with the aim of self-affirmation or, the same status necessity. Any male representative in one or another moment of life wishes to be truly strong and reliable shoulder for a family. Although in some situations it happens, so that if the spouse does not work, then the man seems to be more strong and most as the main member of the family. Basically, this phenomenon Do not treat tyranny, as a man, therefore, presents his own wife his own wife. Special attention should be paid to the status necessity, because in our time, for example, there is practically no one to influential man Constantly went to work, in order to get additional financial resources. In this situation, it really does not work according to the status.

Here it is necessary to clarify the fact that non-working women actually can get a variety of unique opportunities for their own development, which others simply will not be enough free time. For example, in addition to the constant washing and cooking dinner, in such a situation you can deal with some creative affairs, follow your own appearance, studying. After all, this will all be nice to the man. That is why in no case should not be engaged only by cooking borscht, because if at the same time a female representative will begin to degrade and constantly engage in watching the series, then it will not survive any spouse. After all, he is counting on the fact that the wife sitting at home will support life in good condition.

In principle, the homework for a female representative is considered more natural. And if she sees the meaning of his own life is not cash and career, but on the contrary, raising children and care for the house, then it will only bring huge benefits to the whole family.

Thus, every representative of the male floor, the wife of which is constantly sitting at home and does not work, while doing only the performance of work on household, in fact, it benefits a lot of advantage that there is no comparison with when the wife is a business woman.

Century ago, this topic would cause deep bewilderment. What are the pros and cons?! Wife and should be engaged exclusively homemade focusAnd a woman can make about independent earnings to think only an extreme need to think! However, in our harsh time, the situation has changed, and families where the wife does not work (We are not talking now about those cases when a woman is disabled as a state of health or sits with a baby), is a big rarity! Is this good or badfor a relationship with her husband ? We read and discuss!

I dream to do only home and family, but how will it affect the relationship with her husband?

You want to try to sit at home, and the material capabilities of your family allow it. However whether - will your husband understand you?

Of course, I do not know your husband personally, and I can not predict his reaction! There are husbands that can respond to the desire of his wife do not work categorical "no".

However, if "no" is not categorical, and you understand that the husband can well go towards your offer? Then i advise you to try!

Surely the husband will see that his spouse ceased to be tortured, tired and irritable, and his delicious lunch meets at home and passionate sex with his wife who bored for his day! And if, besides, you do not lose a wide range of interests and do not cease to care for yourself - Surely it will strengthen your marriage, and the spouse will not start counting a broken wife only "Borschevar"!

The husband insists that I do not work - whether to agree?

I think it is not even amenable to discussing what is yours consent or disagreement to quit work should depend only on your desire, glances to life, life plans ... If a man loves you, he will understand and take any of your decision.

If you, too, would like to try yourself, and your desires coincide - wonderful! And if not? Is it worth refusing career and lead unpleasant to your lifestyle "Home Clusches" Only because the husband wants so much?

The site "Beautiful and Successful" already wrote about. As a rule, they pay for a hundredfold only in love Romanov, and in life ...

What do you achieve? Husband will love you stronger? And not forced a wifedo not work, live as she doesn't like her - a sign of great love?! Sooner or later, the clarification of the relationship with the leitmotif "You threw my career" and "you are a disgusting mistress" - and so before the divorce is not far!

Why do some men want their wives to work?

Some women have a stack of ten begin to dream of a husband who will say the cherished phrase: "Dear, i don't want my wife to work - Execute a homely hearth and give a random kids! ".

Other young ladies, having heard such speeches, would certainly consider a man with a homely tyrant and Samodor, depriving them of their rights to bright interesting life and wishing tie to hated saucepan…

And what motives can actually move a man who want his wife to work?

Nobility is or Samoram?

• Family Ideal - Herbwoman, Heart Keeper. Yes, yes, there were still those rare copies of her husbands, which always dreamed of a guest house-sitting house, which will meet them after a hard working day with a plate of borscht and starval sheets! If the wife represents the perfect family as well - this marriage is probably it will be very happy and harmonious!And if not, it will be difficult for her to convince such a husband that she does not even consider happiness to cook and starch the sheet!
• Self-affirmation.Each man wants to feel big and strong - this head of the family, « stone wall»For wife. Aspiration, in general, correct! But some husbands want his wife to work - with such a situation the keginity of the husband is visible much stronger!This is not tyranny: the husband believes that he makes his wife a gift, freeing from hateful work, and the gifts are very strengthening the married relationship. The main thing is that the wife appreciates this gift!
• "Status need." Have you ever heard the president's wife (any country) go to work? Charity - Yes, Social and Cultural events - Yes, but not work! Even if you're not the first lady, when your husband has reached a certain step on career stairs, he may want his wife to work - According to the status, it is not necessary. In his eyes, this is the same thing that ride the tram or wearing clothing from Second-hand - shame-shame! Are you not going to challenge? Convocile a husband that you do not do it in the sake of a piece of bread, and for the sake of interest.Well, the hobby is! And the hobbies and fads are allowed for wives even the most high-ranking husbands!

And ... alas, there are indeed "turbors" (the language does not turn to call them), which make wives do not work, in order to look like a hero, "breadwinner" on the background of "scored home aunt"! Exactly what husbands are invented myth "Housewife does nothing".

What if you caught such an instance? Running the head, because you do not rely herself!

Do you want to run? Laying to workand begin to live exclusively on your income - "Nimb Martyr", which the hubbear sin, fade away!

Is it true that a non-working woman inevitably degrades as a person?

This is often often frighten non-working women- "You degrade, get back from life, will turn into a stupid club, which is not interesting and incomprehensibly nothing but the saucepan and serials" ...

But is it inevitable? And what is degradation really?

Beautiful and successful dares to remind you that women began to work quite recently. - This phenomenon is only about a hundred years! And before that Millennies, the woman was joined by this, allegedly, lifestyle, lifestyle - household, upbringing numerous children ...

So, celebrate the victory over the Patriarchate Tyrania?

But it can be judged differently - "Home" way of life is very naturalfor any woman, he is in her nature! And if a woman sees the meaning of his lifenot a career and money, but a house, family, children - she does not degrade, but manifests our inboard feminine essencenot and should not be in men!

And if the business woman does not be able to fully discuss the oscillation of exchange indices with a housewife, this does not mean that one of them is smart and correct, and the other is degraded. This is simple two of different ways Life.

In addition, the non-working wife gets unique opportunities for self-developmentfor which the careerist can elementary lack of time - besides cooking and washing, you can engage in creativity, lead an active cultural life, care for yourself, read books, play sports - yes, you never know what classes you can fill released 9 hours a day! Is this degradation?!

However, you will say, where then are the most aunts, which instead of self-development are limited to the formula "simple human happiness" - "Borshi + Series"? Is the feminine essence so primitive?! Of course not.

And the reason for the degradation of these personalities is not in the very homemade lifestyle, but in "mental laziness"Working, such a aunt will not develop - it will also discuss with colleagues borscht and serials, and the work will be performed by it in the midst - because so that the bosses are not quenched ...

If the wife does not work - it can be. Real woman 100%! Or maybe scored clouds ...

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Immediately agree on the conditions of the problem: it is a minider and ensuring the budget of the family lies on her female shoulders. Its in this case this question does not concern.

This factor - whose hand is the formation of the budget of the family - is one of the two principal, affecting the alignment of forces in the family hierarchy.

The second such principled factor is "sex". This word taken in quotes is a set of factors where it includes intimate proximity, love, affection, passion, addiction, etc. But for clarity take simple schema: Whose libido in relation to another partner in a pair above. Or - to really just - who whom in this pair wants more in the sense of sex - he is her or her. And this is a factor - "sex" - works on the side of one who wants the second half of the other. That is, in other words, the one whom they want is able to consciously or not consciously use it as a tool of influence. No need to think that we are talking On banal manipulations, such as "headache" or "very tired."

So money and sex. Two factors of the principal influence on the placement of forces in the family and on the consequences awaiting this family.

Further. If he is householder, and it is a minider who can not only provide family budgetbut its incomes significantly exceed the needs of the family, who even grow, then the very second factor "Sex" is important: and who wants anyone else here?

The case from real practice number 1. If her incomes are great, and she wants him more than he, then she can afford to keep such a man, because for some reason - because of sex - it is still interesting to her. She can afford to even pay him a household salary for a well-done work on the content of them and her dwelling. Well, so that he was to dispose of except household utensils. Yes, and it happens. How long can it last? While she wants it. Or while he is ready to endure her excessive attractions for sex. Or while the ambitions do not drive him out of the house in search of their own results. In general, the age of such a family is not eternal.

The case from real practice number 2. If its revenues are also great, but in the sense of sex he wants her more than she, then very quickly her claims in the sense of "Men of their Dreams" are changing and the actions begin to show that it is already somewhere else and with another person Not only thoughts, but also physically.

The case from real practice number 3. Her income is just covering the family budget, but she wants him more than he he. In such a situation, she finds the strength to endure this situation, although "creaks", and grieves, and the foam, and everything else. But tolerates. For some reason ... Well, probably, it is clear why ... But it is inexplicitly begins to torment the crisis of middle-aged and various manifestations of psychosomatic to chronic and traumatic. But it is worth noting that, as observations show, it is probably the most strong Soyuz Of all those presented here, because she over the years over the years is less desire to change something, and it is less for that forces.

The case from real practice number 4. Her income Again, barely managed to serve the family budget, but now he wants her more than she. In this case, she says: "I do not understand what I do here in general." And quickly dumps. Or inevitably begins to feel in some way Mother Teresa. And quickly dumps. Or just quickly dumps. And this, if there is enough mind ...

Overlooking these simple scenes from family life, it can be said that not so much statuses are important for involuntary participation in this family game In the hierarchy and its own significance for each other, how many two these are not always subject to us, but independent energies are "money" and "sex". Since they define a picture of this partnership, which is called the family, and the one who, who and that in this partnership gives, and who takes.

Pavel Lachev, practical psychologist, Family consultant, psychotherapist.