How to learn to manage your negative emotions. How to learn how to restrain emotions - Tips for a psychologist, practical recommendations. "Do you want to talk about it?", Or technique "ZMK"

Overcome mutual understanding barriers that arise in various communication situations are not easy. For this, it is necessary to understand well in the nuances of human psychology, including its own. It is much easier than - not to create these barriers yourself. In order not to be the main obstacle to mutual understanding with others, it is necessary to know the psychological rules of communication, and above all, learn how to manage their emotions that are most often becoming a source of interpersonal conflict.

The meaning of emotions in human life

For each person, mutual understanding with relatives, friends, colleagues, and indeed with the outside world, is important. However, even the closest people have their own special beliefs, character, mood. These differences create mutual understanding barriers and provoke conflicts in various communication situations.

Anger, insult, quarrel - these negative manifestations steal positive investments with an emotional account of trust and can completely empty it. Uncontrolled emotions can encourage a person in the focus to talk extra, charming firewood. Having assumes, he realizes that in vain got excited, first it was necessary to weigh everything. Therefore, it is necessary to study the psychological rules of communication, and above all, to learn how to manage their emotions, which most often become the source of interpersonal conflicts.

Emotion management, this is not their suppression. Emotion output is needed. It is proved, the inability to express feelings negatively affects mental and physical health. Former insults, hidden anger, non-chosen tears - the psychosomatic causes of many diseases. If a person strives at any cost to maintain external calm, he risks seriously get sick.

Emotions - an extremely necessary mechanism for instant response of the body for stress. Imaging gives energy to escape from danger; Rage activates the muscles and turns off the fear; The anger swears on the way all obstacles. Under the influence of emotions, instant mobilization of forces occurs, while the mind cannot influence physiological processes to such an extent.

Emotions need to be reasonably controlled when it comes out of survival, but about everyday communication, when violent experiences or apathy prevent mutual understanding. If you are from time to time experiencing uncontrollable feelings: anger, irritation, resentment, guilt, anxiety, and you wanted to get rid of these devastating emotions, learn how to manage your emotional state, master the practical skills of rapid restoration and preservation of domestic spiritual equilibrium in any life situations.

It should be noted that the overall distinctive feature of the nature of long-livers is the ability to find joy in life trifles. This psychological type is peculiar to the goodness and lack of hostility towards the surrounding world. Also a significant advantage of the ability to manage experiences is the success in life. The ability of a person to understand and control their emotions, as well as the emotions of others, psychologists are called emotional intelligence (EI). A person with a high level of EI is more likely to become a major businessman, a top manager, an effective politician, since his behavior is more adaptively, which means it is easier to achieve its goals in cooperation with others.

Types of emotions

Depending on the intensity, the following types of emotions are distinguished:

sHUNICH (from Greek. - Power): They excite, motivate to active activities (joy, enthusiasm, passion, wrath ...). Accompanied by intensive actions, rapid changes in the state and a large spending personal resources.
asthenic (from Greek - powerlessness): inhibit, relax, soothe or paralyzize activities (pain, longing, sadness ...). They lead to a decrease in activity, a decrease in resource spending and transfer to the state of rest, equilibrium.

Depending on the content, emotions may be the following types:

negative (negative): arise with a deterioration in the state (sadness, anger ...). Motivate the system for performing action to restore the initial state;
neutral: arise with prolonged absence of a change in the state (boredom, apathy ...);
positive (Positive): arise when improving the condition (joy, happiness ...). They are a supporting factor that motivating the system throughout the path to the target until it is achieved.

Depending on the status change, there are the following types of emotions:

useful: lead to improving the state of the system. In some situations, this may be positive emotions (for example, when you reach the goal), and in others - negative (when an obstacle or danger).
harmful: lead to deterioration of the state.

Depending on the degree of impact on the activity, the following types of emotions are allocated:

simple (basic): Based on one experience (hunger, thirst, danger ...). Associated with lower needs (physiological, safe ...).
complex (complex): Include several emotions (possibly contradictory) when interacting with a complex system. Associated with higher needs (in communication, self-realization, respect, recognition ...).

Depending on the value of experience, emotions may be the following types (according to B.I. Dodonova):

altruistic: arise when assisting other systems, their support, assisting them in solving problems and achieve their goals;
communicative: when communicating, interaction, exchange of resources;
gloric: upon receipt of fame, recognition, fame;
practical: when successful, solving the problem, meeting the need;
romantic: When perceiving something unknown, unusual, secret, secret;
glostic: Upon understanding the meaning of anything, the knowledge of the new, truth, clarification of knowledge, thoughts, ideas, their systematization;
aesthetic: when perceiving something beautiful, majestic, elevated, elegant;
hedonic: when perceiving comfort, comfort, peace, reliable, stable, safe environment;
acizitive: When collecting something, replenish the collection, its contemplation;
mobilization: When overcoming danger, wrestling, risk, Azart, in extreme situations, when the active use of physical and intellectual abilities is required.

Do I need to control emotions?

You probably know that all people are divided into psychotypes. And, if, for example, the extroverts instantly collapse their emotions on another person, acting absolutely thoughtlessly and often to harm themselves, the introverts remain a closed book, hiding all feelings inside. Often, people do not even want to learn to drive anger or pacify envy, or control anger, or to extinguish anxiety, writing off everything on: "Machine! I have such a character! ". Naturally, the innate data is much easier to blame in their problems and difficulties. But you should not underestimate the destructive power of negative feelings.

Psychologists have long described, in which their danger is for a person:

From simple excitement to the status of an affect is not such a big way, as you may seem at first glance. Think, you got angry with your husband, who once again burned his socks not to the basket for dirty linen, but under the bed. I screwed yourself and ran to find out the relationship. And the husband instead of standard: "Sorry!" I blocked something like: "Take to take away myself, they do not interfere with me." Well, if everything falls into a banal quarrel, and will not end with crime. Most domestic crimes are due to the little things.
Inability to control emotions will lead to problems with others. Even if you really love your parents, friends, husband / wife, colleagues, then sooner or later they will be tired of your impassableness, and therefore you risk stay alone.
If you could not immediately cope with negative emotion and wore it for a while in myself, she left her mark. With each new negative, the trail will begin to increase, and soon you will be surrounded by negative energy, and this nastyness, as you know, has not yet brought anything to anyone.
Inability to control emotions is one of the signs of mental violations of a person. Yes, no matter how terribly it did not sound. It's one thing, if you fled up, but something else - if any little thing provokes you to a splash. In this case, it is better to seem like a specialist.
The bosses fear people who are too violently expressing their feelings, not only negative, but also positive. No one will entrust the management of the company or maintain an important contract with unbalanced type, and therefore - about a good career you can forget.

How to control emotions?

Watch your face. Keep a calm face.

The most important "recipe" is so simple that many it even annoys: "To remove unnecessary emotion, just remove the wrong face. Amend your eyes and lips. The main thing is to do it right away until the emotion has yet been promoted. " If you know how to do it - Emotions will immediately subsides. If it is difficult for you - train the skill of quiet presence.

The development of a quiet presence skill is one of the easiest and most effective ways to manage emotions. Indians know how to control their emotions, because they know how to keep a calm face. Training of recruits in the army begins with the rack "Smirno!" and other numerous procedures and rituals aimed at mastering a quiet presence. The recruits are ordinary children, it is natural for them to be crushed and rattled, so they are often afraid, offended and upset. The army teaches them to keep a calm face and through it - to manage its emotions, be able to preserve self-control and strength of the Spirit in the most difficult and responsible situations.

Watch out breathing

The change in strength and rhythm of breathing almost instantly changes the emotional state. If you need to calm down, start doing calm inhale and exhale. When you need to raise the energy, it is enough to do energy exercises. Someone suits mini-training from karate, someone uses special yogle exercises - the essence is one everywhere: these exercises are accompanied by strong sharp exhalations.

Manage your thoughts

Our thoughts send our attention. If we pay attention to the bright parties of life - we launch positive states. If attention with the help of thoughts is riveted to troubles with real or possible - negative occurs more often. At the same time, wisdom is not to not see the difficulty of life, but in order to treat them constructively: to remove the position of the victim and the problems to translate into the tasks.

If negative thoughts go in a circle, they must be stopped. How? It is best to switch to other, more positive thoughts, and do it better for reliability out loud. Talk to him out loud - yes, it is necessary. Other options are to switch yourself to bright, positive pictures - imagine a rainbow, beautiful flowers ... As a rule, women and children it helps it well.

Manage emotions at the imagination level

Opportunities for our imagination open a truly large field for action in the field of residence of emotions. There are many methods of working with images, such as:

Machinery "Strelower"

Imagine that clinging comments, phrases in your address are arrows that proceed from the interlocutor. But you have an advantage - the presence of an invisible shirt, which has a property to delay them and skip only those data that is important for control over the position. However, be careful in order not to miss information that is fundamentally important for making a decision on the issue.

Technique "Second Eye Couple"

Using this technique, you seem to be divided and starting to see yourself from the side. Allow events developing around you, go to your guy. At the same time, send part of attention to monitoring yourself. Try to deal with your reactions, follow the fact that they arise and how they develop. Your internal observer should be impartial and critical. Remember that you need to notice your current actions, states, and adjust them in the process. For example: "A conversation with an employee comes out difficult. I feel that I start to raise my voice, breathing becomes a rapidly. So, you need to reduce the turnover and bring breathing to normal. Well, now everything is in order. "

Manage emotions at the external level

Sometimes feelings are so strong that the person needs not only the internal resource for their accommodation, but also external. In this case, you can crush or cut the sheets of paper into small pieces. If there is no such possibility for certain circumstances, start drawing doodle in a notebook, with a force by pressing the rod or stylus. It can also be effective and that if you do something pleasant for yourself: drink a cup of delicious coffee / tea, look at the pictures of your loved ones, turn on a pleasant melody.

The following measures can be used as preventive work at the emotion management level:

regularly play sports, visit a massage therapist, engage in yoga, respiratory practices or any other activities that will meet your needs in the emotional sphere;
before the start of each working day or the upcoming difficult conversation, paint the ideal picture of this in my head, tuning on a positive way;
create comfortable working conditions. Even if you do not have a personal account, comfort can be created on the desktop: Put a photo of an expensive person or your favorite pet, pick up the stationery, with which the work will be more pleasure, select a mug from which you will be pleased to drink tea / coffee At the monitor sticker with encouraging inscription.

So, we give basic skills that will help you better manage your condition and emotions:

the ability to distract attention from unnecessary things and direct it to what you want at the moment. This skill will help to switch from negative emotions to positive;
training your facial expression and face expression. As well as tracking the position of the body, your gestures and the sound of your voice;
proper breathing. The ability to customize calm and even breathing. Deep breathing removes irritation and tension in the whole body;
managing your imagination. Learn to dive into fantasies and images that you create at a particular point. This will give you the opportunity to easily rebuild or disconnect from the circumstances or situations.

You can also contact the professionals that will be trained by special techniques and emotion management methods. It will be a more efficient means and give results faster than self-study. If there is no such possibility, read books on this topic or watch video lessons on the Internet. Remember, the one who can manage his emotions is the host of the situation.

How to manage your emotions? Part one

Tags: Emotion management

Does your emotions come out from under control? Are you experiencing experiences that reduce the quality of your life? If so, be sure to read this article!

Honestly, to write about the management of emotions at all is not easy for me: so much in this topic of nuances and aspects, that, sincer. to describe one side of the question, you realize that you miss a lot of things, no less important.

Today I planned to describe a very efficient meditative exercise to manage your emotions. But just describe the essence of the exercise, its stages - it is too small: the instructions will be a little sentence from thoughtless following. For maximum benefit, it is necessary to understand the mechanisms for which our emotions function.

And so I started to describe the mechanisms. Having finished its description, I realized that the volume of the text fully corresponds to a full-fledged article. But I have not even started to describe the exercise itself!

So, I decided not to inflate the article to the size of the "war and the world". Detailed instructions for the exercise I will write in the next article, in a week. And today we will talk about how it works. I will list a few points with which the difficulties in the management of emotions are most often associated. It is for these moments that the meditative exercise will be affected.

So let's go ...

1. Awareness of emotions

In order to manage its emotions, they are important to be aware. Many people often not accustomed to pay attention to their emotional state. Therefore, if they ask them that they feel in a particular situation, they will answer very vague: "Good", "bad", "somehow not very", "normal. What emotions are hiding behind these words? Unknown.

There are many words, with the help of which you can describe emotions: joy, sadness, anger, irritation, sadness, longing, fear, anxiety, offense, wines, shame, embarrassment, hope, pride, tenderness, delight, etc.

The ability to describe the internal state with these or similar words is the first important step towards the emotion management. Read more about why it is so important, read in this material. Here you will find simple and understandable instructions that will help you learn how to better realize and understand the emotional state. In the same article, there is an audio recording of meditation that helps to look deep inside and better to get acquainted with your emotions.

Meditative exercise, which I will describe in detail in the next article, also helps to better realize your own emotions.

2. Emotion adoption

What happens when we feel something unpleasant? Of course, we want to get rid of what I don't like! We are so arranged that they instinctively resist pain, unpleasant feelings. We strive to avoid uncomfortable situations. And of course we do not want to experience negative emotions!

Therefore, facing a negative experience, many try to suppress or muffle painful emotions, not to notice what is happening inside.

An even more serious version of the struggle is when the emotions that have emerged for some reasons, a person considers unacceptable. For example, many are not allowed to be angry. "Aggression, anger, irritation is bad," such conviction is often present. And then, feeling forbidden emotions, a person begins to push them inside him.

Some do it so virtuoso that they manage to hide emotions even from themselves. Such people, for example, can sincerely believe that they never annoyed, do not be angry and not offended. It must be said that such an emotion suppression never passes without consequences, and sometimes the price is too high: depression, chronic anxiety, psychosomatic disorders often arise as a result of combating emotions.

The struggle with their own emotions is harmful for many reasons. But now I want to stop in detail only one of them (read about other reasons).

Any struggle only enhances tension.

In Aikido, there is a principle called "refusal of struggle." Its meaning in the following: if the enemy strikes, then it does not need to respond to this blow, because in this case you can lose the balance or not to withstand the strength of the strike. If you feel fine with the movement of the enemy and follow these movements, in this case you will manage to use the opponent's strength for your own purposes.

This principle is quite difficult to understand if not to see how this happens. Therefore, I found a video on the Internet, where the principle of refusal to fight is shown very clearly.

I am sure that most of my readers are far from martial arts. However, look at this video. It, at first glance, does not fit with psychology. But this is only at first glance. Look it up to the end, and then continue the conversation.

Looked? And now imagine that the guy in an orange T-shirt from the video is your emotions, and a man in a sweater is you yourself. See what happens if you have direct resistance? If emotions have a big intensity, you will most likely have to be not easy!

So, it is impossible to fight emotions! This is an absolutely unpromising lesson. How then to be?

It is important to learn how to make emotions as they are, without attempts to somehow change or suppress. Only in this case you will manage to use emotional energy for yourself, and not harm.

To say "Accept your emotions to which they are" are very easy. It is much more difficult to implement this: if you have unpleasant experiences, most of us are instinctively, automatically, the habit is trying to change something and actually turns on the struggle.

Making an object of meditation any emotion, you have much more opportunities to learn to accept it: during practice it is easier to notice your own attempts to influence emotions and internal experience. Once at a time stopping my aspirations to fight, you gradually learn to treat benevolently and with the adoption for any of your experience, whatever it is.

Meditation, which I will tell you in the next article, is built in such a way as to learn how to make any emotions to make any emotions.

3. Vision of a wider context

Usually, when a person is experiencing some strong emotions, he is inclined to leave them "with head". He dives into the bunch of emotions and spends everything on experiences. All his life, the whole world at this moment is narrowed to one specific situation and the emotions associated with it.

If inside is inside, then all internal dialogs will be directed to punish the offender or to prove something to him. If disappointed, then all thoughts will spin around the situation associated with these experiences. A person spends all his strength, all of himself on the emerging inside the experience.

In order to learn how to manage your emotions, it is important to be able to look at your experiences from. What does it mean?

This does not mean that you are trying to muffle emotions. No, when you focus on them your attention, they can be felt even more intense and stronger than usual.

This does not mean that you look at emotion and decide for yourself: "Well, it is somehow stupid to experience such experiences in such a situation."

Look at your experiences from the side - it is to make yourself feel, allow the emotions to be as they are. And at the same time, living their emotions, it is important to realize that you are something more than those emotions that you are currently experiencing.

Imagine that you are standing in front of a huge picture, rubbing her nose. You see some kind of fragment and completely concentrated on it. If you make a few steps back, you will continue to see that fragment, but you will also open a holistic cloth. You will find that you have seen only a small element that is part of a whole picture.

Approximately the same thing happens when you concentrate on emotions during meditation. You have the opportunity to go beyond these emotions, see your experiences in a wider context.

4. Understanding the meaning of emotions

I have already written in other articles that any emotion contains valuable information (for example, read about it). There are no emotions that do not make any sense. Each experience performs a specific function. That is why it is impossible without negative consequences to simply take and suppress some emotion.

In order to manage your emotions, it is important to understand what point is laid in each of them.

It is not always easy to understand the meaning of this or that experience, especially if it is painfully and significantly spoils life. The strengthened work of thought, the inclusion of analysis and logical reflection here is often meaningless.

Emotions are born from the inside, and the understanding of their meaning also comes from the inside. Meditation helps to manifest the meanings laid down in emotions. At the same time, do not wait for it instantly.

Imagine that you went into a completely dark room. First you will be peering into the darkness and see nothing. Gradually, your eyes will begin to get used to it, and you will begin to see the outlines of the items are more and more clear.

When you begin to meditate, it may be similar to how if you were in a dark room: you seem to follow the instructions, but do not see anything special. At this stage, the main thing is not to be disappointed, since if you continue to peer inside yourself, a lot of important and valuable will begin to appear from the darkness.

So, I repeat: understanding of the meaning during meditation does not occur due to what you analyze, and due to the fact that you will fix the attention on your experiences, you can simply feel. As a result, you suddenly detect what was not noticed before and did not understand.

5. Release of unproductive emotions

There are emotions that obviously interfere with man. For example, you are preparing to the responsible exam. Inside the alarm can grow. Again and again attend thoughts: "Do I get everything on time?", "What if a ticket for me will come with questions, the answers to which I do not know?"

Anxiety can be very painful, take away a lot of strength and energy that would better spend on preparing for the exam.

Above, we have already talked about the fact that there is a positive meaning within each emotion. Even if it seems to us that emotion is absolutely destructive and only prevents, inside, on the subconscious level, the belief lives that the emotion is actually needed.

Returning to example with anxiety, it can be assumed that the prospect of failure on the exam at the unconscious level is perceived by a person as a catastrophe. And then anxiety occurs in order to mobilize their strength to the maximum. The fact that the result of such mobilization not only does not help, but also interferes, the unconscious is not taken into account. The unconscious operates irrationally, outside the laws of logic.

What can be done in such a situation? You can try to convince yourself in something, talk to yourself: "Oh, oh well! Not such an important exam. There is nothing to fear, "but such actions most often do not lead to anything, because we convince ourselves at the conscious level, and the problem is at the level of unconscious.

Imagine that you live on the second floor, and the neighbors from the first floor at the end of the night turned on the full power of music and prevent you from sleeping. From the fact that you will set out of bed, you will start to pace around the apartment and talk to the void: "Turn off the music and do not interfere with me to sleep!" nothing will change. In order for you to be heard, you need to go down to the floor below and there to negotiate.

It can be said that consciousness and unconscious live on different floors. That is why attempts to convince themselves in something and set up on certain emotions often turn out to be unsolved: in this case, consciousness is trying to prove something unconscious, without going down on his floor.
Meditation is a practice that helps to establish contact with unconscious processes.

How does today's meditation work? Once at a time you install contact with my emotions, aware of them, feel, while taking and not trying to change somehow. You just stay with those emotions that they are. This leads to the fact that you are getting better and better learn your emotional reactions. This happens not only and not at the level of logic and consciousness. Immersing in a direct feeling, you go down to the floor to your unconscious.

As a result, it may be gradually an understanding that emerging emotions do not have a practical meaning, they do not help, but only interfere. This understanding is not at the level of logic and consciousness. This is an understanding on another deeper level. At the level of unconscious. If such an understanding comes, emotions go to themselves.

This happens only if the emotion really does not make any sense and arises "in habit." But often inside emotion contains an important meaning about which its owner does not recognize. In this case, during meditation, an understanding of these meanings can come.

6. Awareness of emotion roots

Often the roots of emotional reactions arising in the present lie in the distant past. Let me illustrate this on the example, which led in the previous paragraph. Examination alarm. Now I will tell about frequently found roots of this phenomenon.

There was a child. Like any baby, most of all he needed love and care of mom and dad. But adults lacked at this time, and their child grew, experiencing a constant, chronic hunger on parental attention.

The child never blames in such a situation of parents. He most often begins to think that something is wrong with him. "If your parents do not pay attention to me, then I'm not so," the kid argues. And then he appears a desire to become better. He, by all means trying to meet the expectations of the parents: to behave perfectly, to learn well.

He discovers that the five brought from school causes pride from her parents, and so the child gets at least a little heat and attention. He also sees the disappointment of Mom and Pope about the founded four. And for him it is very painful, since the most important thing in the child's life is parental love.

So the baby begins to panicly afraid of bad assessments. After all, for him a bad assessment means loss of love.

Time passes. The child turns into an adult person who is no longer experiencing such a strongest need for love from parents. Perhaps he decides for himself: "Well, yes. I did not have a warm relationship with my mother and dad. It's a pity of course. But it is in the past. "

It seems to be all in the past. But fear of a negative assessment continues to pursue an adult person. It is present on the exams, at work, if necessary, to pass reports, etc. Negative estimate is still perceived at the unconscious level as a threat to loss of love. No longer parents, but just around people. And this is still a very painful topic that causes a lot of anxiety.

Of course, the situation described is not the only one leading to anxiety before exams. There are other reasons.
I wanted to show this story that the roots of emotions arising in the present can reach from the distant past, often from childhood. A person of this may not even suspect.

Often, in working with a psychologist, people are raised by strong and deep experiences about the fact that they seemed to them for a long time in the past. "Does it really have any meaning? It was so many years ago! I thought I had long experienced this situation, "I would regularly hear such words in consultations. But suddenly emerging emotions about situations from the past clearly show that it is important.

So, we see that an emotional reaction often has its own history. Its source can be some long-standing injury, emotional pain. Emotions may be associated with beliefs that have formed for a long time ago. For example, for examination alarm, unconscious beliefs may be hidden: "In order for the people around me, I have to be successful and showing high results," if I suffer fails, it means there is a unworthy and bad person ", etc.

Of course, in order to sort out this ball, it is best to contact a specialist. But it can also be done very much.
During meditation, fixing on emotions, you can suddenly appear understanding, from where they take roots. This is not an understanding obtained as a result of intellectual analysis. This is an understanding that is spontaneously born from the inside. He does not need to be expected, try to do something in order for it to appear.

All you need to do is stay with your emotions, taking them and living. And at some point, an understanding can come, and together with understanding and healing from emotional pain.

The meaning of emotions in human life

Types of emotions

Depending on the intensity, the following types of emotions are distinguished:

sHUNICH (from Greek. - Power): They excite, motivate to active activities (joy, enthusiasm, passion, wrath ...). Accompanied by intensive actions, rapid changes in the state and a large spending personal resources.
asthenic (from Greek - powerlessness): inhibit, relax, soothe or paralyzize activities (pain, longing, sadness ...). They lead to a decrease in activity, a decrease in resource spending and transfer to the state of rest, equilibrium.

Depending on the content, emotions may be the following types:

negative (negative): arise with a deterioration in the state (sadness, anger ...). Motivate the system for performing action to restore the initial state;
neutral: arise with prolonged absence of a change in the state (boredom, apathy ...);
positive (Positive): arise when improving the condition (joy, happiness ...). They are a supporting factor that motivating the system throughout the path to the target until it is achieved.

Depending on the status change, there are the following types of emotions:

useful: lead to improving the state of the system. In some situations, this may be positive emotions (for example, when you reach the goal), and in others - negative (when an obstacle or danger).
harmful: lead to deterioration of the state.

Depending on the degree of impact on the activity, the following types of emotions are allocated:

simple (basic): Based on one experience (hunger, thirst, danger ...). Associated with lower needs (physiological, safe ...).
complex (complex): Include several emotions (possibly contradictory) when interacting with a complex system. Associated with higher needs (in communication, self-realization, respect, recognition ...).

Depending on the value of experience, emotions may be the following types (according to B.I. Dodonova):

altruistic: arise when assisting other systems, their support, assisting them in solving problems and achieve their goals;
communicative: when communicating, interaction, exchange of resources;
gloric: upon receipt of fame, recognition, fame;
practical: when successful, solving the problem, meeting the need;
romantic: When perceiving something unknown, unusual, secret, secret;
glostic: Upon understanding the meaning of anything, the knowledge of the new, truth, clarification of knowledge, thoughts, ideas, their systematization;
aesthetic: when perceiving something beautiful, majestic, elevated, elegant;
hedonic: when perceiving comfort, comfort, peace, reliable, stable, safe environment;
acizitive: When collecting something, replenish the collection, its contemplation;
mobilization: When overcoming danger, wrestling, risk, Azart, in extreme situations, when the active use of physical and intellectual abilities is required.

Do I need to control emotions?

Psychologists have long described, in which their danger is for a person:

From simple excitement to the status of an affect is not such a big way, as you may seem at first glance. Think, you got angry with your husband, who once again burned his socks not to the basket for dirty linen, but under the bed. I screwed yourself and ran to find out the relationship. And the husband instead of standard: "Sorry!" I blocked something like: "Take to take away myself, they do not interfere with me." Well, if everything falls into a banal quarrel, and will not end with crime. Most domestic crimes are due to the little things.
Inability to control emotions will lead to problems with others. Even if you really love your parents, friends, husband / wife, colleagues, then sooner or later they will be tired of your impassableness, and therefore you risk stay alone.
If you could not immediately cope with negative emotion and wore it for a while in myself, she left her mark. With each new negative, the trail will begin to increase, and soon you will be surrounded by negative energy, and this nastyness, as you know, has not yet brought anything to anyone.
Inability to control emotions is one of the signs of mental violations of a person. Yes, no matter how terribly it did not sound. It's one thing, if you fled up, but something else - if any little thing provokes you to a splash. In this case, it is better to seem like a specialist.
The bosses fear people who are too violently expressing their feelings, not only negative, but also positive. No one will entrust the management of the company or maintain an important contract with unbalanced type, and therefore - about a good career you can forget.

How to control emotions?

Watch your face. Keep a calm face.

Watch out breathing

Manage your thoughts

Manage emotions at the imagination level

Opportunities for our imagination open a truly large field for action in the field of residence of emotions. There are many methods of working with images, such as:

Machinery "Strelower"

Technique "Second Eye Couple"

Manage emotions at the external level

The following measures can be used as preventive work at the emotion management level:

regularly play sports, visit a massage therapist, engage in yoga, respiratory practices or any other activities that will meet your needs in the emotional sphere;
before the start of each working day or the upcoming difficult conversation, paint the ideal picture of this in my head, tuning on a positive way;
create comfortable working conditions. Even if you do not have a personal account, comfort can be created on the desktop: Put a photo of an expensive person or your favorite pet, pick up the stationery, with which the work will be more pleasure, select a mug from which you will be pleased to drink tea / coffee At the monitor sticker with encouraging inscription.

So, we give basic skills that will help you better manage your condition and emotions:

the ability to distract attention from unnecessary things and direct it to what you want at the moment. This skill will help to switch from negative emotions to positive;
training your facial expression and face expression. As well as tracking the position of the body, your gestures and the sound of your voice;
proper breathing. The ability to customize calm and even breathing. Deep breathing removes irritation and tension in the whole body;
managing your imagination. Learn to dive into fantasies and images that you create at a particular point. This will give you the opportunity to easily rebuild or disconnect from the circumstances or situations.

Almost every person on Earth dreams of learn how to influence the emotions of other people and find a variety of approaches in communication. However, before achieving this, you need to learn how to manage your own emotions, as this skill will allow you to influence other people. Come first yourself and only then start learning from other people.

A man is experiencing emotions every second of its existence, so the one who can manage them reaches a lot. They can be divided into three types: beneficial, neutral, destructive.

We will consider beneficial and neutral emotions in further lessons, in the same entirely focus on destructive, because they are them and you need to learn how to manage first.

Why do destructive emotions have such a definition? Here is just a small list of how negative emotions can affect your life:

They undermine your: heart disease, diabetes, stomach ulcers and even caries. As technology development, scientists and doctors complement this list. There is a possibility that negative emotions become one of the reasons for the overwhelming number of diseases or at least hampered to recovery.
They undermine your psychological health: depression, chronic stress, insecurity.
They affect your communication with other people: surrounding, close people and employees suffer from negative behavior. Moreover, by irony, it is on loved ones that we laugh most often.
They impede the achievement of success: destructive emotions completely atrophize our ability to think. And if anger can go through a few hours, then anxiety and depression interfere with clearly thinking over weeks and months.
They narrow focus: in an depressed or affective state, a person is unable to see the overall picture and cannot receive the right solutions, as it is too limited in the number of options.

There is a popular point of view: Negative emotions do not need to be suppressed. This is a very controversial question and a full-fledged answer to it still not found. Someone says that the deterrence of such emotions leads to the fact that they penetrate the subconscious and infirmly affect the body. Other people argue that the nervous system is inappropriate to restrain. If you submit our emotions in the image of the pendulum, then in this way we swing it stronger.

In this regard, in our course, we will extremely carefully come up to this issue and for the most part we will talk about how to prevent the offensive of destructive emotions. This approach is largely more effective and will allow you to prevent negative states in your life.

Before you get acquainted with the most destructive emotions, the so-called reaction thoughts cannot be circumvented.

Reaction thoughts

Most of the emotions that we are experiencing appear as a consequence of the appearance of some irritant. It can be a certain person, situation, image, behavior of other people, own psychological state. All this can be an irritant for you, that is, the fact that invades your personal comfort and makes feel discomfort. To get rid of this state, we react (usually a negative way) to it in the hope that it will disappear. However, such a strategy almost never works.

The fact is that any irritation swings the pendulum of your emotions and emotions of another person. Your annoyed answer leads to an irritation of the interlocutor, which in turn makes it "raise rates." In this situation, someone must show wisdom and repay passions, otherwise everything will be released from under control.

By the way, we will not return to the image of the pendulum in our lessons, because it is an excellent metaphor to refer to the fact that emotions have a feature to increase their intensity.

When we experience the action of the stimulus, the reaction thoughts are rushing in the head, we realize them or not. It is these thoughts that encourage us to go on the exacerbation of the conflict and come out of themselves. To accustom yourself not to react instinctively, learn one simple rule: between the action of the stimulus and the reaction to it there is a small gap, during which you can tune in to the correct perception of the situation. Practice this exercise every day. Whenever you feel that the word or situation hooked you, remember what you can choose how to react to it. This requires discipline, self-control and awareness. If you teach yourself not to succumb to reactionary thoughts (as a rule, it is generalizations or a feeling of resentment), then notice what benefits carrying it.

The most devastating emotions

There are emotions that cause irreparable damage to the health and reputation of a person, they are able to destroy everything he built the years and make his life with the Justice.

Immediately agree with you that sometimes the trait of the character may be emotion, so we will also consider these cases. For example, conflict is a character trait, but also this is a special emotional state, in which a person is experiencing a pull to obtain high-intensity emotions. This is a dependence on the collision of two emotional worlds.

Or, for example, the desire to criticize others. This is also a trait of nature, however, from a purely emotional point of view, this is the desire to raise your self-esteem by indicating the mistakes of others, which indicates the need to change the negative valence of their emotions to positive. Therefore, if you want, call this list "the most destructive emotions, feelings and states."

Anger and rage

Anger is a negatively painted affect, directed against the injustice experienced and accompanied by the desire to eliminate it.

The rage is the extreme form of anger, in which the person rises the level of adrenaline, accompanied by the desire to cause physical pain offens.

Despite the fact that anger and rage have differences in the intensity and duration of manifestation, we will consider these emotions as one. Fully the chain looks like this:

Long, noving irritability - anger - anger - rage.

Why there are no hatred in this chain that makes your contribution to the appearance of rage? The fact is that it is already incorporated into anger and rage, along with Antipathia, aversion, feeling of injustice, so we use it in the complex.

A person cannot instantly experience anger or rage, he must be tested to this. First, ramprants of different intensity arise and the person becomes irritated and nervous. After some time anger arises. A long-term anger causes anger, which in turn can end the manifestation of rage.

If we talk about evolutionary theory, then the source of anger is a response by type "Fight or save", so anger trigger is a sense of danger, even imaginary. Dangerous, an angry person can consider not only a physical threat, but even a blow to self-esteem or self-esteem.

Anger and rage are worse than the control. It is also one of the most seductive emotions: a person conducts an acquittal internal dialogue and fills his mind convincing arguments to pour out his anger. There is a point of view that anger does not need to restrain, because it is not amenable to control. The opposite point of view states that anger can be completely prevented. How to do it?

One of the most powerful ways to do this is to destroy those beliefs that feed it. The longer we will think about what we indulted, the more "sufficient grounds" can come up with. Reflections in this case (no matter whatever they are either) only pour oils into the fire. To repay the flame of anger, one should once again describe the situation from a positive point of view.

The following way to curb the wrath: grab that destructive thoughts and doubt their correctness, since it is the initial assessment of the situation and supports the first outbreak of anger. This reaction can be stopped if soothing information will arrive earlier than a person will begin to act, guided by anger.

Some psychologists advise to release steam and keep anger, surviving the so-called catharsis. However, practice shows that such a strategy does not lead to anything good and anger with enviable regularity flashes again and again, causing irreparable harm to human health and reputation.

For cooling passions in the physiological sense, the emission of adrenaline is losing in the situation where additional mechanisms for inciting anger will not appear. This can help a walk or entertainment, if such an opportunity is. This method will suspend the growth of hostility, since it is purely physically impossible to be angry and angry when it is nice to spend time. Focus is to cool anger to such a level when a person will be capable ware.

Very effective way to get rid of anger is a sports. After severe physical voltage, the body returns to the low activation level. Excellent effect give different: meditation, muscle relaxation, deep breathing. They also change the physiology of the body, translating it into a state of reduced excitement.

It is important to be conscious, in time to notice the growing irritation and destructive thoughts. Write them on a sheet of paper and analyze. Perhaps one of two: either you will find a positive decision, or stop at least scrolling the same thoughts in a circle. Evaluate your thoughts from the position of logic and common sense.

Remember that no method will work if you can not interrupt the flow of irritating thoughts. Literally order yourself not to think about it and switch your attention. It is you send your attention to what is a sign of an informed person who can control his psyche.

Anxiety

Anxiety is two types:

Inflating their fly of an elephant. A person clings for one thought and develops it to universal scale.
Repeat one and the same thought in a circle. In this case, a person does not take any action to solve the problem and instead repeats the thought again and again.

The problems do not exist if you thoroughly think about the problem from all sides, generate several solution options, after which you choose the best. From an emotional point of view, this is called concern. However, when you catch yourself on what comes back to the thought again and again, it does not bring you to solve the problem. You become concerned and do nothing in order to get out of this state and remove the alarms.

The nature of anxiety is surprising: it appears seemingly from nowhere, it creates constant noise in the head, it is not amenable to control and torments a person for a long time. Such chronic concern cannot last forever, so it mutates and takes other forms - attacks of fear, stress, neurosis, and panic attacks. The obsessive thoughts in the head becomes so much that it leads to insomnia.

Anxiety by nature directs the thoughts of a person in the past (mistakes and failures) and the future (uncertainty and catastrophic paintings). At the same time, a person manifests creative abilities only to create terrible paintings, and not searching for solving possible problems.

The best way to deal with concern is to stay at the current moment. Return to the past is structurally, finding out the causes of errors and realizing how to avoid them in the future. It is worth thinking about the future only at the moments when you deliberately allocate at this time: clarify the goals and priorities, outline the plan and procedure. You need to live only one day in the most efficient way and not to think anything else.

Practicing meditation and becoming more and more conscious, you will learn how to catch the first signs of obsessive thoughts and eradicate them. You can also notice what images, items and sensations are launching anxiety mechanism. The sooner you notice anxiety, the easier it will stop it. To repulse thoughts need to be resolutely, and not sluggish, as most people do.

Ask yourself a few questions:

What is the probability that the frightening event will really happen?
Is there only one version of the development of events?
Is there an alternative?
Is it possible to take constructive steps?
Does it make sense again and again chew some and the same thoughts?

These are the right questions that you will think about what is happening at the moment and pay conscious attention to your thoughts.

Relax as long as possible and more often. It is impossible to be worried at the same time and relax, it wins either one or another. Study and after a while, notice with surprise, that for several days you have no disturbing thoughts.

The great psychologist Dale Carnegie in his book "" cites a lot of techniques that allow you to cope with this unpleasant habit. We will give you the best ten and we advise you to read this book completely:

Sometimes anxiety is not born in an even place, but has a logical basis. If you happened with you (or maybe) trouble, use a three-step structure:

Ask yourself: "What is the worst of what can happen to me?"
To reconcile with the worst.
Think about how to improve the situation. In this case, it cannot be worse, and therefore psychologically you get the opportunity to get more than originally calculated.

Remember that people who do not know how to cope with anxiety die young. Anxiety causes a strongest blow to the body and can lead to the emergence of psychosomatic diseases.
Practice work therapy. The most dangerous time for a person is a clock after work, when it would seem, it's time to relax and begin to enjoy life. Load yourself with activities, find the hobby, get away at home, replace the barn.
Remember the law of large numbers. What is the probability that an event will happen about which you worry about? According to the law of large numbers, this probability is negligible.
Show interest in other people. When a person is sincerely interested in others, he ceases to concentrate on his thoughts. Try to make a disinterested deed every day.
Do not wait for gratitude. Do what should and what the heart tells and do not expect your efforts to be rewarded. It will save you from the mass of unpleasant emotions and networks on other people.
If you got lemon, make lemonade from it. Carnegie quotes William Bulito: "The most important thing in life is not to maximize your progress. Each fool is capable of it. Really important is the ability to benefit from losses. It requires a mind; This is the difference between smart man and fool. "
Do not let the trifles crush you. Many people experience heavy adversity with proudly raised head, and then bring themselves to madness, crushing because of trifles.
Resting day. Safety, if there is such an opportunity. If not, just sit down or lie with your eyes closed. Fatigue gradually and imperceptibly accumulates throughout the day and if it is not removed, it can lead to a nervous breakdown.
Do not saw sawdust. The past remained in the past and you can not do anything about it. You can correct the situation in the present or future, but it makes no sense to worry because it has already happened.

Feeling offense and pity for yourself

These two emotions lead to, which leads to many devastating consequences. A person ceases to develop, because other people are guilty in his troubles and feel worthwhile, sorry for themselves.

Sitence is an indicator that a person has too many pain points for which other people have pressure. The complexity is that it is quite difficult to recognize this problem, especially if the syntitude has passed into the chronic stage.

The feeling of resentment arises:

when a person familiar to us led himself completely differently, as we expected. Often it is an unintentional action or behavior that we consider intentionally;
when a person familiar to us deliberately insulted us by brave or humiliation (usually in public);
when we are insulting an unfamiliar man

Howbeit, we are offended only when I think that we offended. In other words, everything entirely depends on our perception. There are people who are not offended when they are even insulting in public. What are the benefits of such a mindset?

They do not allow their emotions to get out of control and lose face.
The offender is so surprised that he did not respond to his insult, which resides in frustration and confusion.
The focus of attention of the audience instantly shifts him from him to a person who tried to offend him.
The audience, instead of gloating or regret "offended," finally takes his side, because all people subconsciously respect those who do not lose face in the stressful situation.

In a word when you do not react to words that were abandoned in order to offend, you get a huge advantage. This causes respect not only among the audience, but even by the offender. This approach is proactive, keeps your health and allows you to control your emotions.

We looked at the situation of insults in public, while to be when a close person did not believe himself, as we expected? The following thoughts will help you:

"Perhaps he did not want to behave like that or did not suspect that he could hurt my actions or words."
"He understands that he led me, but a sense of pride does not allow him to recognize his mistake. I will do wiser and let him save his face. Over time, he apologizes. "
"I'm waiting too much from him. If he did it, then I was not well correctly explained to him that my feelings could be entitled to such behavior. "

It is also worth separating a specific situation with offend and chronic disapplication. In the second case, everything is much more complicated, however, with due work on himself, and from it you can get rid of it.

The first step in overcoming the overtime is awareness of the problem. And in fact, if you understand that your supracity harms first only to you, it will be a good starting point in solving the problem.

The second step: think about why a person wants to offend you. Note, did not offend, but I wanted to offend. This key difference in thinking will allow you to not focus on internal experiences, but to direct your perception on reflections on the motives of another person.

Remember that you can only offend you when you yourself think that you are offended. This does not mean to be indifferent in relation to a person or situation. This means to analyze the situation with a cold head and find out why a person behaved like that. And if you conclude that you do not want more than the presence of a person in your life, this is your right. But before that moment, try to find out what exactly affected his behavior and words. Curiosity in this situation is the strongest ways to distract themselves.

Painful timidity

Many people love timid people, considering them modest, discreet and balanced. In the literature, we can also meet the laudatory ODDs dedicated to such personalities. But is it just just actually?

The shyness (timidity, shyness) is the state of the psyche, the main features of which are fearlessness, indecision, stiffness, tension and awkwardness in society due to the lack of social skills or insecurity. In this regard, we can conclude that such people are quite comfortable for any company, because all other people look at them with self-confident. Therefore, they love them: they give feelings of importance to everyone around.

How can I eradicate shyness? The answer, most likely, lies in self-confidence. If you are confident in your abilities, then your movements are accurate, words of rosary, and thoughts are clear. There is a so-called "loop of confidence / competence." You become competent in some kind of activity, notice that you can cope with the task and thanks to this you increase confidence. And since your confidence increases, you increase your competence.

One of the satellites of timidity is the fear of the near future. Therefore, the best way to overcome timidity will be out of the comfort zone. If you make a few dozen times a day what is afraid, then just a week (and even immediately) begin to feel self-confidence and an incredible tide of strength. Fear goes in the light of knowledge. It turns out that no one has eaten you when you expressed an unpopular opinion and you are still alive, asking for help.

Insecurity turns into activities. You probably know that inertia act in psychology, so as soon as you begin to overcome the psychological and physical threshold, your fear will begin to leave. The chain "Thought - Intention - Planning - Action" After some time, it becomes practically automatic and you do not even think about fear or possible defeat. Since failures and lesions are certainly waiting for you, you need to teach yourself to this. Throw in advance how you will behave in case of failure so as not to be in a state of discourability. After some time, you will act as an expression, but in the first stages it is better to prepare yourself psychologically.

Pride / Gordinia

We combined the two opposite emotions for one reason: in most cases, people experiencing pride believe that this is pride. Pride is a curve pride.

Why is a person experiencing this emotion? We are talking about the reluctance to conced their own pride. A proud person will not apologize, even if subconsciously understands what is to blame.

Then pride is the manifestation of the internal dignity of the person and the ability to protect what is expensive, pride is a manifestation of disrespect for others, an unfair exaltation of itself, selfishness. A person, full of pride, will be parallel to the following emotions and feelings: insult, anger, disrespect, sarcasm, arrogance and non-acceptance. All this is accompanied by overestimated self-esteem and reluctance to recognize their own mistakes.

The pride is formed under the influence of improper upbringing. Parents raise a child in such a way that it is praised by his despite that he did not do anything good. When the child grows, he gets into society and begins to attribute all the merits to which the relationship is not. If he becomes the leader, it criticizes his team for failures and accepts success for his own.

Pride breeds:

Greed
Vanity
Assigning someone else
Sugiability
Egocentrism
Reluctance to develop (because you and so best)

How to get rid of pride? The difficulty is that its owner will not recognize the presence of a problem until the latter. In this regard, it is easier to recognize the presence of robust, irritability, anxiety and other traits that prevent a person to live. While a person, full of pride, will deny the presence of this quality.

Admit that sometimes it is also typical of you too. Recognize your advantages and disadvantages, appreciate the first and get rid of the latter. Respect yourself and other people, mark their successes and learn to praise. Head to be grateful.

The best way to get rid of pride is the development of associate, empathy and skills to listen. All these three skills we will look at the next lesson.

Envy

Envy arises towards a person who has something that he wants to enjoy enviable, but does not possess. The main difficulty in getting rid of the envy is that the enviable finds an excuse for himself when it is experiencing this feeling. He is absolutely sure that the object of his envy achieved the glory, success or material benefits with a dishonest way or simply did not deserve it.

Perhaps it does not matter how exactly the person has achieved some good, since the envy does not need a reason. It will be equally bad to treat one who received a good dishonest way, and to the one who actually deserved it. The envy is an indicator of the lowness of a person, it corps his body and poison the soul.

When a person is experiencing envy, he does not think about how to achieve the same success, because, in essence, his thinking is destructive and passive. This desire does not put the goal and achieve it, but simply take away the benefit from another person. Perhaps it is from this quality that it is difficult to get rid of everything, because a person who worries this feeling is given from malice and hatred. He spends colossal energy for constant tracking of other people's success and good luck.

What about white envy? From a purely psychological point of view, "white envy" does not exist. It's more likely just the ability to rejoice in other people's successes and the desire to achieve such heights, which is the behavior of an adequate person. This admiration for other people's achievements and become better.

To overcome the envy or at least start with it to fight, first of all, you need to realize the availability of a problem. Then answer a few questions:

"What is the difference, what and how exactly this person reached, if I still need to work and learn in order to achieve my goals?"
"Is the success of this person affect the negative way to my future successes?"
"Yes, this person is lucky. In the world lucky many people are normal. And it is lucky with those who do not raise the feeling of envy in their soul. Maybe I should be happy for him? "
"Do I want my envy spoil my appearance and led to the stomach ulce?"
"Don't the people who sincerely rejoice in other people's successes do not achieve and wish everyone? Does not there be a lot of people who loved people and only because of this reached such heights? "

Conflict and tendency to criticism

Surprisingly, which is irrational creatures people. We are visible on our personal example that the desire to constantly join conflicts and criticize others does not bring any advantages and nevertheless again and again behave this way.

Conflict is destructive, because the person who joins them consciously and subconsciously considers itself better than others. Does he argue and conflict with those whose opinion considers at least equal to his opinion? Such a manner of behavior in the head of this person is justified by the fact that he does not want to hi-see, please and pronounce the sugary words. He believes that telling the truth (his truth) is much more honest behavior than to vile or be silent.

Let's look at the problem at the corner of self-development. Would you tell the truth and do not pick up words - is it a sign of a developed and intelligent person? Doesn't a lot of mind need to say what you think for anyone? Of course, to hypocrite and flatter is also bad, but this is another extreme.

Almost any extreme in emotions are destructive. When you lie and flatter, you do not like when you enter the conflict for any reason and do not know how to keep the tongue for your teeth (or choose the wrong words), they will not want to deal with you too. Find the balance, because flexible people are achieved in this world.

Criticism also does not work, at least in the long run. Carnegie rightly argued that criticism wounds the pride of a person and puts it in the position of defending. With criticism, we seem to pull out a person from the zone of his comfort and demonstrate its shortcomings.

Suppress the reaction thoughts and the desire to respond to the stimulus. Again, proceed at least one of who can criticize everyone and this is not necessary for it. Teach the art of indirect criticism and get rid of the accused tone. This requires self-control, wisdom, observation and. Such a critic gives a person feedback, motivates and gives new forces.

In this lesson, we found out what reaction thoughts and what value they have in the management of emotions. We also reviewed the seven of the most destructive emotions, found out why they are considered and found ways to deal with them.

In the next lesson, we will traine in three main skills to increase emotional intelligence - associate, empathy and the ability to listen.

Check your knowledge

If you want to test your knowledge on the subject of this lesson, you can pass a small test consisting of several questions. In each question, only 1 option can be correct. After choosing one of the options, the system automatically moves to the next question. The points you receive affect the correctness of your answers and spent time spent. Please note that questions every time are different, and the options are mixed.