I do not want to talk. "I do not want to communicate with anyone": apathy. Causes of appearance, resentment, psychological fatigue, tips and recommendations of psychologists

What if you do not want to communicate with a person?

In your environment, an unpleasant person was joined: he hurts you, and nerves. You do not want to communicate with him, but still support relationships. Why? And what to do with it?

Afraid of condemnation
You have not been 15 for a long time, but the feeling that the native person (parents, grandmother, older brother) makes your life unbearable, does not let go. All your attempts to establish communication did not lead to anything. It doesn't matter why: maybe this very relative is just an emotional rapist and does not want to negotiate, but wants to spoil your life. Or just a bad character and hard fate of a person, and you bother at night in a pillow, trying to understand what is to blame. It is important that you would be much happier, interrupting or reducing communication to a minimum. However, the fear of condemnation crosses all the arguments of the mind. After all, since childhood I hear what to swear with relatives is bad. Because there is nothing more important than the family, and friends and others come with them and go. In the end, what will people think?

What to do:
"Speech in such cases is about the observance of personal borders," the family psychotherapist Marina Merina is confident. - You can run away from our relatives for the thirty lands, but the voltage will still remain. Therefore, for a start, you need to hear yourself without closing your eyes to your own discomfort, and finally choose who is more expensive to you: you or all those people who "say something."
It is impossible to please everyone, therefore a person who puts himself a similar task - in a trap. Such a lifestyle deprives joy, strength and health. He originates, as a rule, where a person has been taught from childhood to be "such as necessary" and inspired that "not such, wrong, he is not needed." Remind yourself that you are no longer a helpless kid. For a child, it is deadly scary to get the rejection of those whom he loves and depends on. But you grew up. And if someone is upset your behavior, then, most likely, neither you nor upset from this will die. Mildly, but confidently explain that you, of course, relatives, but this situation does not suit you anymore. Get ready for resistance - usually the behavior "I even erase me" really like someone who practices him, and so just your close to him will not refuse him. You still can not be good for everyone, and in this situation someone has to show no equiforms to you, and this someone is most likely - you are. "

Turn it
This is generally the most popular justification for those who suffer and a husband-despot, and a rude neighbor. There is a lot of different "necessary", which are performed without thinking about who needed and, in fact, for what. We must definitely get married, build a dizzying career, go around the world. One of these "it is necessary" the very familiar friendship with new relatives and "friends of friends", as well as with their second half. The usual neutral-respectful attitude and polite conversations are not suitable for rare meetings. It is friendship. And it does not matter that husbands and friends we choose for general interests, mutual sympathy and other compatibility, and all the others are included, which are what. AND mutual love may not work out. Or will mutual dislike. Simply put, you are not ready to rush with them and do not want, but you continue to do a good mine at bad game, supporting yourself with arguments: "We are one family," "I was so brought up" and "everyone is doing."

What to do:
"If you dig deep," the psychologist Marina Veshkova argues, "then the program" so necessary "is preinstalled for us from childhood. This behavior was characteristic of the generation of our grandmothers and mothers, and we were inherited. And if you look at the surface, then this is the most common attempt to take control of the opinion around you. You are selflessly friends with the nearest surroundings of an expensive person, in this way trying to say: "I'm good, I do everything right." But try to listen to your desires and determine which way to communicate with these people you fits most. Do not be afraid to fantasize, lose such a way to yourself and trace what emotions and feelings you will call.
However, it is not worth a deception: if a certain "I do not want" is found, it will have to legalize, that is, to admit at least myself. Thus it will be easier to understand that you do not need such communication. "

Your rights
To all those who like to suffer a feeling of guilt, it is useful to keep the "right of self-confident person" (from Bill on the psychological rights of the individual - an informal document developed by the American Association of Psychologists).

Each person has the right to assess his own behavior, thoughts, feelings and responsible for them.

Each person has the right to not justify and not explain to others their actions.

Everyone has the right to refuse to respond to a request, without feeling the feelings of guilt, and he himself decides whether he wants to take responsibility for solving other people's problems.

Each person has the right to change its decisions.

Each person has the right to ignorance, to accept illogical decisions, not to be perfection.

Afraid offended
Perhaps you yourself and do not want to gently be friends with distant relatives and husbands of friends, but others are waiting for you. Those who you love and do not want to offend. For example, your man. You attach a lot of effort, trying to be good for everyone, but in the end you are constantly nervous and herself is offended by him - for the fact that you do not understand you, does not see you, as you feel bad in the presence of his mother. Such a situation may well end spoiled relations, for whom you tried so hard. Some call it the female wisdom, which, however, is accepted to cover anything, starting with fear to change his life for the better and ending with frank stupidity.

What to do:
Marianna Volkova, a practicing psychologist, a specialist in family and individual psychology, advises: "Understand that all your" victims "in the name of universal calm is absolutely in vain. While you are silent, others are sure that everything is in order, and if one day you will try to present your suffering as a kind of feat, you will most likely just do not understand. Agree, it is strange to do what you do not want, and at the same time be silent.
Sooner or later you will just explode and throw out everything that has accumulated for for a long timewithout controlling emotions. At the same time, the truth will not be on your side: after all, if you did not show out discontent before, it means you all satisfied. And suddenly - an unexpected scene. As a result, you risk to choose unbalanced hysterical.
The best way out will be a direct conversation, but not based on the person of an unpleasant person, but on your own feelings and emotions. Compromise can always be found, but any compromise begins with a frank conversation. " It is possible that the one whom you are so afraid to offend, really try to be offended. If close persistently refuses to listen to you and your desires, it remains just to put it before the fact and remind you that you are also a living person and have the right to psychological comfort.

Dangerous for health
The ability to think about the feelings of loved ones and the desire to see them happy and satisfied with respect for respect. But if you forget about your emotions and comfort, such psychological "long-suffering" threatens nervous disorders and, as a result, various diseases.

Psychologist Elena Kuzeva does not doubt: "If you noticed the peculiarity of" to endure and forgive ", and at the same time, psychosomatic diseases are peculiar to you, better decision It will take advice to an experienced specialist. You need emotional support and help in developing the ability to build borders in communication, plus you need to deal with the effort long years protective mechanisms. And it is not always easy to do alone. "

Used to communicate
You communicate with a colleague since the times that no one in the team does not remember. But how many years have passed - and you have no common interests. Or, moreover, you have become uncomfortable - instead of the usual joy, you only experience irritation. It would seem that everything is obvious: Communication must be folded or cut to infrequent meetings with conversations about the weather and nature. But in fact, everything is not so cloudless.

What to do:
"If you didn't just disagree, and you actually experience negative emotions, communicating with a person, it is better to gradually reduce contact for no," said Marianna Volkova. - Over time, people change, and perhaps you are really no longer along the way. Of course, it's a shame to refuse the friend with whom he spent so much time. But often we are afraid of losing not the person himself, and communication as a ritual who accompanied every stage of our life. "
Such relationships can often be compared with many years of marriage, in which the feelings turned into a habit. To interrupt them, most likely, it will be a pity and hurt. In this case, it helps to think about the feelings of the opponent. Man After all, sincerely believes that everything is as before, and seeks to communicate. So even from respect to your many years of friendship - stop pretending that all okay. You have 2 options: either honestly confess in your feelings, or carefully minimize communication before the level in which you feel comfortable. The main thing is not to try to close the eye on the situation.

If you do not want to communicate with you
And what if you turned out to be in any of the above situations in any of the above situations, but on the other side of the barricades? "When you suddenly refuse to communicate, you, most often, you begin to dig in yourself and look for reasons," Marianna Volkov reflects. - Because you can not understand how you - such a good and did not make anything bad - ignore.

You can, of course, make yourself notify yourself and close people endless "Why?". You can even arrange a full-time bet and try to call a person who does not take you to a frank conversation. But in this case, you risk at least to put yourself, and the opponent in an inconvenient position. As a maximum - provoke a conflict, without which you both could easily do. Best of all, of course, leave the right to choose the right to choose with whom and how to communicate. "

How to adjust
In fairness It is worth saying that it is not always realistic to break all contacts with an unpleasant person. It is unlikely that you can openly say the boss that you don't want to see him anymore and all the working questions now - by corporate mail. You have to look for a way to adjust. Suppose a citizen does not personally make you anything bad, but at the same time it is terribly annoying. You are looking for a hook, but you do not see her - just infuriates, and that's it. "If you feel irritating in the society of a certain person without any visible reason, it would be worthwhile to understand yourself," Elena Kuzeva hints. - Perhaps unhappy at all of nothing. You can find that he resembles another person from the past, with which unpleasant emotions are connected. Or you feel next to him your inferiority in any area. You may have had any expectations regarding him, and they were not justified. After identifying and aware of the causes of irritation, unpleasant emotions can completely disappear. " If you understand perfectly perfectly, it is withdrawing you out of themselves, it remains to try to minimize the damage. Marianna Volkova advises each meeting with an unpleasant person to relate, as, for example, to a hike to a dentist, so-so joy, but necessary. "It is very helpful to the awareness of the fact that from you two nervous cells spend only you. And he does not care about what he annoys you. "

There was a man. Not too compa. In the morning he was horror from alone thought that you need to go to the office and talk to people. In the evenings he wanted to be alone as soon as possible, so he rejected all the offers of colleagues to dine together. And on the weekend, when his friends "broke off" in noisy clubs, he sat at home and read books.

If it seems to you that this story is about you, then you are the most real introvert. Do not worry. Are you okay. But you need to learn how to live with pleasure, do not waste energy and seek success in this noisy world, where most people are obsessed with communication.

Introvert in the world of extroverts

Some people can not live without communicating and new impressions. For them, there is no punishment worse than to be alone for a long time. They need constant stimulation from the outside to feel energetic and vigorous. After a busy working day, they will prefer to go on a fun, noisy party, and not spend the evening at home with a book in your hands. They are easily acquainted, quickly make decisions and almost immediately begin to act. These are typical extrovertes. And in our world most of them.

Today, many believe that only such a model of behavior allows us to succeed and recognition. The quality of the extrovert is really very important in the most different areas, for example, in business, where the emphasis is on command work, or sales. Typically, sociable people perceive as more friendly, self-confident and useful for business. Sometimes it seems that in the modern world of introverts just there is no place.

Does this mean that with quiet, thoughtful, loving the privacy of introverts is something wrong? And should they break themselves to adapt to the requirements of our crazy world? Of course not. If only extroverts inhalled the planet, we would not have the law world full gravity Sir Isaac Newton, the theory of the relativity of Albert Einstein, Nokturnov Frederic Chopin, "1984" George Orwell, "Schindler List" Stephen Spielberg, Google Sergey Brina and Larry Page, "Harry Potter" Joan Rowling, "Sunflows" Vincent Van Gogh.

We all time to get rid of biased attitude towards introversion.

It is not worth confusing the introversion with shyness: the extroverts sometimes possess these quality. The shy person is afraid to make a bad impression on others, but at the same time he may want to communicate more. Introvert just tires and exhaust excess external stimuli - Just, noise, chatter.

The main difference between the extrovert and the introvert is that each of them gives strength, and which takes them away. Introvent draws energy in itself. In order to be cheerful and balanced, he needs full access to his thoughts, feelings and sensations. And the extrovert is literally charging from the outside world. He is just happy if there is a lot of people and a circle of life.

Despite all prejudices, introverts may be no less confident in themselves, friendly, curious and successful than extroverts. They just need much more silence, peace and privacy.

Choose what suits you

Take yourself as you are. Stop experiencing conscience remorse, rejecting the invitation for lunch in favor of reading a good book. If you like dinner in a restaurant full of loneliness, feel free to it. And, of course, there is nothing wrong with the noisy parties you prefer serious, meaningful conversations with the best friend.

Spend your free time as you like, and not how, in your opinion, you need to do it. Stay at home New YearIf it gives you pleasure. Skip senseless meetings. Go to the other side of the street to avoid empty chatter with random acquaintances.

For introvert, as for any person, relationships are important, but the quality of the quality is, not the amount. A narrow circle of friends is quite enough to be happy. Correct loved ones, take care of them. Work with those colleagues to which you feel with sympathy and respect. Look for new acquaintances to those who like you. And do not forced yourself to communicate with all the others.

Try to find an interesting, inspiring work where your will be useful. strengths: persistence, tendency to deep reflections, concentration, insight and sensitivity. If the extroverts are usually leading in the public sphere, introverts most often achieve success in theoretical and aesthetic activities. In many areas (for example, in art or science), it is impossible to achieve serious results without privacy.

The ideal option for the introvert is. But if you are forced to work in the team, think about how to minimize the noise and bustle, distracting you from important tasks. Maybe you agree with the bosses about personal Cabinet And we will do projects that do not require command work.

When you can wear an extrovert mask

A significant part of our personality is determined by genes, the brain, nervous system. Nevertheless, we are able to adapt to environment And to a certain extent, expand its borders of their capabilities.

No introvert can become an extrovert. At the same time, almost everyone can learn to support secular conversations, speak in public, contact with unfamiliar people, behave calm and naturally during meetings.

Some introverts manage to hide their true "I". Of course, this should not be done. In many cases, it is better to stay in your comfort zone. However, sometimes circumstances force us to adapt to the world of extroverts. When there are no other options, you can pretend slightly more active and sociable. But only for a while.

No need to wear an extrovert mask to match someone's expectations. But it can be briefly put in the name of key personal projects - for the sake of work that you think is truly important, as well as for the sake of people who love, or all that you appreciate. The main thing is to apply this method within reasonable limits and do not forget about your true needs.

If you do what you are not typical for one of the key personal projects, you do not need to suppress your character too hard or too long. Not to overcome, try to create "niches to restore forces" in your everyday life. This may be the place where you go to stay yourself (for example, the nearest park), or a period of time (let's say a short break between business calls).

Enclose an agreement with extroverts

There are no cases when introverts create marriage or friendly with extroverts. In such an alliance, people are difficult to understand each other's needs: one person wants to arrange a party, and the second is to spend time together; one dreams somewhere to get out at the weekend, and the second is quite suitable cozy sofa, Favorite book and family board games.

It makes no sense to argue whose option is better. It is just what is suitable for an introvert, may be tedious and boring for an extrovert. And vice versa. The only way Peaceful coexistence is to conclude an agreement for which everyone will receive what he needs.

For example, you can agree half a time to go out into the light, and half - stay at home. There is an agreement and in the case when you come to your best friend to your bachelorette party, and she understands your absence within three days on the eve of the wedding.

Be sure to discuss these rules with close people, prone to extroversion, to protect them and self-conflict, ridiculous offensive and misunderstandings in the future.

Enter into an agreement with you

In some situations it is useful to agree with yourself. For example, if you live alone, but want to find close manYou will have to make yourself attend public events. It makes sense to decide in advance how often you can go out into the light - once a week, month or quarter. Once the quota is fulfilled, you will have the right to stay at home without having troubles with remorse.

Or, for example, you dream to create your own company and work out of the house. In this case, you need to spend some time on the factory of business relationships. Excludes such a contract with you: once a week you will attend any event and make one useful acquaintance. On the other days you can relax and live as it is convenient for you.

How to educate baby introvert

If your child prefers the noisy games with peers and their own fantasies, I will definitely grow by introvert. And, of course, you should help him cope with a rumbling outside world.

Do not try to fill all the free time of the child with some additional classes and do not make you communicate with those who are unpleasant. He is already hard to survive the school day. Do not object if he wants to retire in his room or leave the birth a little earlier than other children.

Explain to the baby-introvert, why he is tested when it is long in a noisy company. Let him understand that his experiences are quite natural. Together, think about how often it is still to meet with friends and when it is better to do. Develop and discuss strategies that will help keep calm and energy throughout the day.

At school, introverts are constantly in uncomfortable situations for themselves, so they cannot fully show their abilities. Rehend to this with understanding and start paying more time. independent work at home. Or think about the possibility of translating a child for family training.

In most cases, introverts have one or two serious hobbies (for example, drawing, designing or writing stories), which are not always separated by their peers. Praise the child for what he is engaged in his hobby, encourage and help find like-minded people. He will benefit a certain participation in collective work. However, this work should be held in small groups (two to three people).

Do our best so that the child acquires the necessary communication skills, has learned to calmly perceive new situations and new people, but in the rest let me remain myself and in no way attempt to save it from introversion. Rejoice in its original thinking. Be proud of his consciousness and loyalty to friends. And sincerely praise when he achieves success in favorite classes.

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Question to a psychologist:

Hello! In my life there is only work and parents with whom I live. As well as a dog. At work, everything is fine, I am pleased to build a career, I easily communicate with people, I decide the task, I show emotions ... That is, I have no problems with communication, there are no fears or uncertainties .. I have always had friends, and now there are now. .. But I no longer want to communicate with anyone .. although I really love to communicate .. And I always have something to say, tell, discuss, and so on .. however, it was tired of adapting to people what .. or maybe arguing about Tom "What I need, and what is not", "What I am to marry" or something else .. any personal conversation ends negative emotions for me. Whether people do not want to understand me, or I stopped seeking to understand them ... Sometimes I want to go to live in some wilderness with your dog and spend alone with you the rest of the days in search of harmony. The same with men. Earlier, I really needed a relationship .. Now I am even too lazy to start communication - I know how it will end (misunderstanding, incompatibility, tears and parting, well, not now after a year, 10 years, 20 years .. does not matter). On the one hand, I want to have a socially adequate status, give birth to children and "be like everyone else", on the other hand - not to go out for the first oncoming! I do not need compromises. If a person does not understand me, then this is not my man, and there is nothing to break it, adjust .. I want to communicate, but with a "native soul", be it a girlfriend, or a man .. But, alas, I have been many years old I did not meet ... And I think there are all the chances that I will spend one of my life alone, I even will be ready for this morally, since I have already decided - I will be either happy or alone. But it scares a little .. Do I turn into an old girl with mental disabilities? Is it normal at all? What is the reason for what is happening? Is it worth going against your condition and try to talk further with friends, go somewhere, get acquainted and try to build relationships? Or is there anything terrible in what is happening?

The psychologist Varaksin Evgenia Vasilyevna is responsible for the question.

Hello Irina!

Thanks for your letter. Let's try to answer the questions you have.

The first thing I would like to draw attention to this contradiction in your letter (why is it important? - Because they reflect contradictions in your life). You write: "I always had friends, and now there is ..." And at the same time, "I want to communicate, but with a" native soul ", be it a girlfriend, or a man .. But, alas, I haven't been here for many years I met ... "And" any personal conversation end with negative emotions for me. " Another point: You ask in the letter a lot of questions aimed at understanding yourself, your condition, and at the same time write "I don't need compromises. If a person does not understand me, then this is not my person, and there is nothing to break it, to adapt .." .

Can you say that you understand yourself 100%? Most probably not. The process of self-knowledge is endless. But if so, then you can demand a complete understanding of yourself from another person. You are not ready for compromise. And whether you are ready for full responsibility for uncompromising. Please imagine your life in a year: you are increasingly narrowing the range of personal communication, close and completely find mutual understanding. Imagine your whole life in detail: work, parents, dog. Now imagine your life in five years, now in 30-40 years, when parents are no longer next to you. If everything suits you, why not: each person has the right to choose his destiny. If something in this representation seemed to you not comfortable, there is a time to change the model of the future until it has become real.

Communication with people is a very subtle thing, in it we learn the art of equilibrium: it is exactly so as far as other is capable of assessing and maintaining it; say without saying too much; Understand yourself across the other, see your qualities in the mirror. Refusing to communicate, we lose a lot of opportunities for development.

If others annoy you what you know, "what you need, and what is not", and "what you can marry" - it is possible to see the reflection of its uncompromising in this. These people are also uncompromising in understanding the right and happy lifeBut do you like it? You are right that often people think traditionally and try to impose their life experience And the path to others and often even unconsciously want to make repeat their mistakes and be the same unhappy. But why is it annoying you so much? You can understand what is happening why people say it, and do not let it in themselves - "like with a goose water" - why are you upset from such conversations? And "any personal conversation ends with negative emotions"? You do not have to repeat other scenarios and someone else's life (all the more often not very happy).

Now you are inherent in the vision of life as black and white, or or. Or stay alone for life, or "go out for the first counter". Both the one and the other option is the extreme, and the extremes are dangerous (as temperature drops from -40 to +40 - no asphalt will endure without damage, which is to talk about man). Overviewing this logic, it is necessary or not to work at all, or to go to the perfect work: with the wise boss, a friendly team, a high salary, great release; Or do not wear anything at all, or dress the best dress in the world ... Then another question: do you yourself meet perfect work? For example, you do not understand and do not seek to understand people, but on perfect work - a friendly team. Do you understand what I mean?

In principle, all you write rightly: native soul, complete mutual understanding. Lack of disappointments. Do you only apply this? What complete understanding can we talk about if you stop you want to understand other people? The more we want, the more we need to work. Are you ready for such work? After all, so that the partner does not disappoint, it is necessary to be able to be able to disappoint another one. First you need to demand yourself, only then we have the right to want it from another. Are you able to understand another person completely? Then you can safely want it from the other. Rating 4.99 (46 votes)

Everyone may be in themselves, thinking about her, but everyone should properly show everyone around their intentions and respect. If this is not, people just turn away from you. To surrounding you have drawn, you need to avoid mistakes that will be discussed below.

Cause First: You do not call interlocutors by name

Psychologists argue that at least sometimes it is necessary to mention the name of the interlocutor in conversations. The point is not even whether you use this advice or not, but how often others use it. If at least one person will call during your dialogue your name, turning to you, then he or she will have for you larger weightthan anyone else. There is one very important trick for those who want to like to like a person stronger - you need to call his name. For example, you say my name is Elena, and you are responsible for: "And I am Artem." You say: "Very nice, Artem." It has a very strong effect. The person will immediately remember you and, more importantly, he or she will remember that it is pleasant to communicate with you. If you have problems with memory, the society will still take it negatively, so write the names to not forget them.

Cause Second: You speak only on topics, interesting only to you

Think about it, but it's interesting to hear everything about your problems with children, new diet, a new fitness coach, about a broken carburetor in the car, about politics. Look at the reaction of people. It can be very illustrative, because most of the privacy can be most interesting. People should want to ask you about something if you tell something. If this does not happen, your topics are not interesting to anyone. Subsequently, you will not ask anything.

Another advice: do not speak on the topic of politics and religion, if you do not want you to start hateing literally everything. This is a movietone. Of course, not for any society is a bad tone, but for most workers' teams it is terrible. If you do not communicate with you after your monologues, it means that you are not talking about themes.

Cause Third: You are talking only about yourself

Perhaps you translate all the conversations for yourself. This also unreally annoys everyone around. Man talked interesting story, but instead of saying your opinion about it, you start: "But I have ...".

It is worth talking about yourself only if you were asked something directly. Perhaps you are the person who constantly translates the topic of his beloved. It is impossible to do so if you do not want to become an outcast. On the contrary, you are interested in other people after their monologues, ask them questions. Show interest, then you will quickly love.

The reason is the fourth: you are gossiping and discuss others behind your back

Nobody loves hypocrites, even if there are still hypocrites in the team. Even if you really want to discuss a new causing dress of your colleague with a girlfriend or new car Head with a friend, it is better not to do this. If you can not abstract from negative statements, it is better not to say anything. Of course, rumors and gossip can be used about you that you are pretending the holy, but no one is insured. Just avoid it without reproaching others in sins. Good people Anyway, much, so they will definitely not communicate with you if you constantly discuss someone behind your back. People understand that you can be discussed and too.

Cause Fifth: Your insecurity in conversation

People do not want to talk with those who are trying to say one phrase, but at the same time uses many extra words. Of course, it may be dishonest to you, but this is unfortunately not worried. Few people who can understand others in this regard. Of course, this is not such a big reason to avoid and not talk to you. But many this is very annoying.

Cause Six: You answer one-time

There is no doubt, you most likely simply do not want to talk. This method of keeping a dialogue with those who are not interested in you can push out other people. It is possible that you have an overestimated self-esteem, narcissism. It must be corrected, and as quickly as possible. People will not speak with those who consider them for the lower beings. Here you have to try to correct.

Cause Seventh: You are constantly whining

Your life is filled with one problems that you share with everything in a row. You can understand because you always want to get some approval, support, advice, but people get tired of your troubles that are familiar with them more than their own.

The reason is the eighth: you do not cause respect

This problem can be called global, but you should shed light to the most important thing. You are talking about one thing, and do something completely different. If your words come against the actions, you should go. People avoid communicating with those who constantly lie or pretend.

The reason is ninth: you are uncertain to people

When you come to some place, you need to say hello and introduce yourself to everyone who does not know you. It will show that you are located to the dialogue and are ready to lead it with everyone. Say hello just with everyone will not be rough mistakebecause it makes the majority. It is for the same reason that it is worth doing anything otherwise not to attach yourself to this majority.

It is very important to submit not only to himself, but also to represent their companions to familiar people. It will be easier for your satellite into a conversation, while people around you will automatically look more positively on you as a person who knows how to behave in society. rules good tone invented not just like that.

On this, nine reasons can be stopped to communicate or not want to communicate many people. If you learned yourself at a few points, it's even worse, but you do not need to hang my nose. You can become better, more popular and arrange people, if you try a little. Overcome the fear of communication, if you have it, because too, secretly secretive people also become outcasts, as well as very talkative. Good luck to you and do not forget to press buttons and

Greetings, my dear readers! Recently, one of my girlfriend said that the daughter approached her with a question: why do not want to communicate with me? Girl welcoming and cute, but contact with people is given hard. Today I would like to talk about why familiar can avoid communicating with you, what are the standard options for mutual hostility and what to do with it, how to place people.

External factors

I want to start S. external reasonsWhy people may not want to communicate with you.

We had a boy in school, from which he constantly smelled. Odnoklassniki managed him by the party, the girls have fun at him and no one wanted to sit next to him in the lessons. Yes, children cruel, no one could directly tell him that it smells badly. But in adulthood, with such a phrase, you are hardly suitable. And the smell of meanwhile plays a very important role in communication.

If from person it is impossible to strongly smells with garlic, onions or other flavors, then it becomes impossible to stand next to him, especially in the heat.

Start with your appearance. Drain, take a look in the mirror. Many people unpleasantly communicate with untidy and inaccurate people. Dirty, blurred nails, shoes in mud lumps, breathing clothes, dirty head. All this repels.

If you notice that people try to bypass you and are not fit too close, I recommend starting with appearance. Look at yourself from the side. After all, it is all possible to put in order, get rid of unpleasant odors, Carnate clothes, bring nails and hair into the proper look.

Do not be discouraged and do not hang nose. There is no such situation from which there would be no exit. Especially in appearance. Everything is fixable!

Internal factors

In appearance, everything is perfect? You are good, even tasty, smells, you always follow the shoes, the nicknogle is clean and neatly trimmed. What is the problem then?

If the problem is not in appearance, then we are looking for repulsive moments in your behavior. One of my friend constantly cracked. On any phrase, he gave out a completely inappropriate joy. No one wanted to offend him, so over time they simply communicated less with him. And I did not stand in my time and explained to him all the stupidity and the inappropriateness of such jokes in communication. He listened.

Maybe you, like my friend, do you like to joke at any successful and unsuccessful case? Remember, humor is good and great. But he should not be vulgar and frozen, should approach the time (the road is a spoon to dinner) and should not insult anyone.

My client has a girl at work, which constantly fussing his nose in other people's affairs and certainly gives advice. She acts as a kind of guru, which can find a solution for any situation. Only, no one asks these tips.

If you like to distribute tips, then boot the blog in which you will describe situations and offer solutions. In life, act differently. Only when you are asked to express your opinion, only then open your mouth and let the advice.

Narcissism and the focus on themselves scare away people. No one likes to communicate with people who are constantly talking about themselves. We want us to pay attention to, asked questions, were interested in our lives.

There was one guy with us at the institute, which only did that she bragled with his success or complained about his failures. He constantly interrupted if it came to someone else.

Each participant of the conversation deserves equal attention.

If you have such an opportunity, ask your friends to record a general meeting on the video. After all, sometimes it is impossible to evaluate your behavior. But look at yourself from the side on the screen it is extremely useful.

Maybe you are too gesticulating and it bothers others, or shy during a conversation, or really talk only about yourself.

Pattern couple

There is such a thing as the prevailing stereotypes. Mother-in-law and son-in-law, daughter-in-law with mother-in-law, former spouses, new wife and ex-wife etc. They compose anecdotes, winged expressions, proverbs and sayings. Of course, there are cases when everyone lives in peace and harmony, but it happens that people without visible reasons They simply hate because it is as followed by their status to each other.

One of my client is wonderful communicating with all your former partners. Once, she caught her man with another young lady. She did not arrange a scandal or tantrum. She just talked calmly and said they were time to part. Woman always tries to stay in good relationship With former, because a long, or not very long, time they were happy together.

Elementary rules of communication

Remember that everything is fixable. Today, people shake out of you and do not want to communicate, but you should work a little over yourself and you will become a soul of the company. Let's talk about ordinary principles that must be adhered to communication.

Friendly and friendliness. More often smile. Be polite. It captures the interlocutors. Only not flattering and deliberately, but naturally and naturally. If you smile, then do not do it through force, will noticeably and scare away the interlocutor, leaving an unpleasant sediment.

Do not eat, do not humiliate others, do not enter into conflict, do not provoke the quarrel. If you feel that now beckoned something extra, leave and raise. Calm down and only then come back to the dialogue.

People love when they are called by name. Create to your comrades more often, ask questions about their life, work. And many love to tell about themselves. Use it with the mind.

Learn the etiquette rules. Behavior speaks a lot about man. Does he keep a personal distance at what point gives his hand to greet and who he serves this hand, whether the door opens up and so on.

What do you think, why don't you want to communicate with you? Causes in appearance or in your behavior? Did you meet such people with whom it is impossible to communicate long? What did they repel you from ourselves?

Work on yourself and you will definitely work out!