Why we can't accept yourself. Never compare yourself with others. Correct compliments

There is a stereotype among people that love for themselves is a sign of egoism. This is the biggest error! Love is equal to self-seeming, no sense is connected with egoism. Acceptance of yourself makes a person more confident, bolder, kinder, in the course of personal growth becomes better relationship with surrounding. How to accept yourself? What do you need to do for this?

Love for yourself is a vital necessity

Why do you need to take yourself as you are? True love To yourself is care. How to determine what I do not accept myself? Basic signs:

Criticism of their own appearance. Dislike for your body, dissatisfaction with even the slightest details, for example, the mole above the lip or drunken nose.
Permanent comparison of yourself with other people. In some situations it will be the norm, but if personal successes regularly seem insignificant on the background of others, this is a sign of dislike for themselves.
The surrounding people are put in the first place. "Oleg smarter", "Olga is more beautiful," "Inga is more successful."
It is difficult to express your opinion. It seems that it will not be taken, it is noteworthy, it does not deserve attention.
Most decisions are made on the basis of the interests of other people. Your needs are ignored, the desires of parents, children, spouse are put forward.

Where to start developing love

Psychology has a lot of techniques to take himself. How to accept and love yourself? Where to begin? First you should familiarize yourself with the following principles of a healthy personality. These include:

A person with a healthy self-esteem recognizes his negative features. Each of us has the right to be yourself, even the most successful people are imperfect.
It is important to learn how to make difficulties at your own expense. In most cases, trouble happens by coincidence, and not by our fault.
We begin to love yourself here and now, not in the future. No need to wait for the moment when we lose weight, become a star, earn a lot of money. Rejoice in the present. Is there anything good in it?
We remove the feeling of guilt. Even if an error is committed, it is worth treating it as experience.

Video: Tips from the psychologist Irina Rodyova

Instructions for action

How to take yourself as much as I actually? Are there any mechanics or instructions? A lot of information can be found in psychological literature. This is Louise Hay, Erich Fromm and others. Let's try to collect their recommendations into a small instruction.

So that we love, you need to know yourself from a good side. Take a blank sheet of paper, divide it into two halves. On one side, describe your positive features, in another everything that dislike. Negative traits We tear down, swear and burn. Positive features We write in the frame and read every day.

What was I five years ago? What did I achieve? How did I grow personally? What did you learn during this time? Praise yourself for any success and achievement.

Take yourself as a person advises Louise Hay. Her tips:

We assume how to criticize yourself. It is not constructive and has nothing to do with you. Often we come up with the shortcomings and cannot really appreciate yourself from the side.
Opening new way Thinking. Praise for any achievement, switch to positive setting. We speak to yourself pleasant words for any little thing.
We begin to take care of your body. Incorrect meals, rejection of sports - signs of dislike for yourself. This is a kind of armor not allowing to take your personality and body.
Comerate to the mirror more often. Look into the eyes, show your feelings. At least once a day say: "I'm well done! I managed!".

Take yourself - it means to enjoy life, beauty, animal, other people, their unique personality.

How to take yourself as it is? It is worth seeing around and analyze their relationship with the surrounding people. It is necessary to gradually leave communication with negative people, after communicating with fatigue and devastation.

Looking for people who will bring joy, energy, maintain and give a desire to develop. Helps groups of like-minded people, support on the Internet.

There are several habits that weaken love for yourself. What is this habit?

The desire to be in all perfection. The desire to be the best commemorated, but this approach leads to comparisons. "Julia reached more", "Anton has more opportunities." Habit causes tension and criticism.
Always agree with other people, without considering your needs. No need to be afraid to detect the inconsistency of views, say no.
Tolerate difficulties, bad attitude. If you are offended, you do not need to be silent. It is necessary to outline the boundaries of the permitted. "It's not so impossible with me, I love myself, so I will not endure."

Video: Webinar of the psychologist Nina Rubestein "How to love yourself"

To secure your successes to continue spiritual growth, rejoice in life and disclose your potential. Enjoy communication, look for talents, interact with the world and get new experience Love to yourself.

The question of how it is still to take and love yourself, is among the top ten important philosophical dilemmas.
And the answer to it is no less significant than the search for the meaning of life.

Not many think that it is the acceptance of themselves as it is - the first stage is absolutely any work on yourself. What are the main steps on this path?

Taking yourself - this is working on yourself.

The process of psychotherapy, personal analysis is to "find" and realize those part of their personality that remained without attention. Who need an understanding, acceptance and love. And these are you who faced in life with experiences in children's or adolescence.

Children cannot give the name to their feelings. And then feelings in the form of images are immersed in the unconscious. But these experiences affect your life, your choice and decision making - in any case. And the more they are not realized, the fact of all the strongest.

You do not accept yourself when you are in the power of the complex or injury. And the task of working with a psychologist is to make an understanding in this experienced painful experience. Then the question of the meaning of life begins not to worry so much. This question rises when we do not understand - what happens to us and in our life, by what such laws and rules we live. The search for the meaning of life is a passionate desire to change these other people's laws and rules.

Let's also reflect:

whydon't you love yourself?
What is this insane state of dislike for yourself?
And why so difficult Love yourself?

My answer is such - you don't love yourself because you have no experience Taking your parents to you as you are. You did not have any experience in the childhood of contact with a "loving Mom's glance." You just do not know how fl -, love yourself. Because we treat yourself as we treated us the very first, close people. For children, parents are gods. Therefore, so often people are transferred intolerable (not understood) feelings in relations with parents, claims to them - in relations with religion.

Love yourself - it means being kind, patient, understanding and hosting towards your children's wounded part. By that part of itself - which still suffers. You hear yourself and not to turn away from yourself how your parents turned away from your experiences.

Now you are adults, and in your power to help yourself and take care of yourself.
And an important act of love for himself will be a confession that you are worthy of support and respect for yourself.
What you deserve to talk about your experiences and be heard and accepted.

Do not think about how to love yourself (will not be forcibly mil).
And think about how help yourself.
And it will be a true manifestation of love for yourself. You will definitely succeed.

The topic of accepting yourself is not easy, but incredibly interesting and important!

First of all, it is worth deciding on an important issue: why do you want it?

After all, sometimes such a desire arises only because "I must love ourselves," you will not love yourself - no one will love ", but still these are foreign landmarks. And on someone else's opinion it is impossible to build its own identity.

That is why ask yourself right now: dwhy is it important to me to love and take yourself?

The question is deep, perhaps it will not be possible to answer immediately, with the go. This is not required. For me personally, acceptance and aware of yourself at your own pace.

When it turns out to decide why you need it, sketch ideas about what is for you a love for yourself and acceptance? Again, listen to yourself, because there are many clichés around this. Try to turn off, listen to yourself to find the answer inside. Meet yourself - because it is also about love for yourself and acceptance.

I'll tell you about my most favorite exercisewhich will be very useful in this issue.
Most often I use it in psychological work With women, perhaps, it will also be useful for men.

It is the simplest - hang on the mirror or mirror notch with a question " What would I do if I loved yourself? " And every time you approach the mirror, answer this question and, most importantly, do what it comes to mind in the form of an answer. After all, the most valuable thing is inside us! Exactly inner voice He is a measure of love for himself. Perhaps at first the voice will be weak, barely noticeable, but as you will listen to yourself, his strength will grow.
I wish you peace and harmony with yourself!

Remember the fairy tale G. Ядерсена "Zadky Duckling"? It tells the sad story about Naddock Duckling, who did not want to take a bird courtyard for their inhabitants. He seemed to be great and ugly. And although he did nothing wrong with anyone, everyone struck him to peel, pinch or offend already for the fact that he was not like others.

We have grown and learned that the world of people differs little from the world of fairy tales. The adoption of the child is largely determined by the ability of parents to make life given. If they are waiting for a child of one sex, cute and obedient, and they receive a child of the other sex, capricious and timely, most likely they will not accept him and will try to remake him.

Getting from close messages "You're not like that we wanted to see you", the child is experiencing soul pain And it begins to doubt himself, so incomplination from the outside over time passes into defeat itself. The individual is more and more believing to others, which is what it is, it cannot be loved. And also begins to fight with him, because of what he appears complexes and problems.

Let's remember this wonderful fairy tale, in which Andersen masterfully reveals the topic of non-acceptance and on the example of the suffering of his hero tells the path to accepting himself. It begins with the fact that the appearance of the ugly duckling turned out to be for all a big surprise. But the birds, unlike people, did not hide their disappointment and immediately expressed a rejection of the hero. He, fortunately, would also briefly endured and, not withstanding the torment, fled from his home. He had to go through the trials on loyalty to himself: Geese seduced him with a fun life, the old woman with chicken and the cat were offered to take up the mind and carry eggs, and the children took him for a toy.

But the nasty duckling trusted the surrounding less, and more and more - his intuition. He did what he likes what matches him. For example, he loved to dive into the water down his head and did not want to give up this, despite the reproaches of others. He survived the harsh winter, because he was much easier to live on the swamp than on the full bird courtyard in the rejection of relatives.

In privacy, he becomes strong and independent and finally meets birds whose beauty conquers him that he first wants a relationship. He is sad, without hoping for reciprocity, and suddenly sees his reflection in clean water. It turns out that he is also a beautiful swan!

The coincidence is not by chance: the nasty duckling meets swans after he himself turned into a swan.

The fairy tale brings us to the following conclusions.

Do not try to justify the tormentors with our shortcomings. A man from birth is endowed with the dignity that no one can take away from him.
Do not tolerate the presence in your surroundings of unfriendliers. Find the courage to go looking for a different space where you will be glad and where you will feel better.
Do not be afraid to stay alone with you. Privacy is not loneliness. Loneliness - to be one among others, waiting for approval and love and not getting them.
Only you yourself can take care of yourself the best way. For this, it is quite serious to take its feelings, thoughts, physical needs for food and shelter, spiritual needs for adoption, respect, recognizing the value of themselves.
Having accepted and having loved himself, you will definitely meet those who love you.

How to accept yourself?
Before answering the question "How?", It would be nice to decide "Who is me".

Who to take?
And why do you need it?

The answers to these questions sometimes occupy a lifetime. And more often the answers are not. Suppose these questions can be answered by philosophically, look at them, which is called, "from a bird's-flight":
take yourself \u003d take life.

Because I am life. When I'm not, there is no life too. Yes, it is in fact, but it has nothing to do with me. It turns out that the meaning of life is to learn to accept yourself-life. This is the way we are all living on Earth, go. And in this we are definitely similar. but accommodation This path is always unique, as everyone is unique on our planet.

What is the way to accept yourself begins?

With the fact that early childhood We will "find out" from adults who we are and what we are. For example: "You threw Katya today. Bad boy "Or" You ate all porridge! Good boy". Us from childhood rate From the point of view of the fact that in society is good-bad. How else? "To live in society and be free from society cannot" (c). And rarely, when you are interested, and how we feel at the same time.

Everyone knows that psychology has the concept of "self-esteem", but in reality there is only an assessment. And no "self." With frequent positive estimates, high "self-assessment" is formed, with negative, respectively, low. That is, we are all initially dependent on how adults are taken. And we do not even imagine how this is to take ourselves. This in childhood is definitely not taught.

However, life sometimes just forces to look at yourself. Because, if you do not see, you do not feel and, ultimately, you do not accept yourself, then others do not accept you either. So trying to be for others and step on the throat with your own song, as they were taught in childhood, and you do not appreciate and do not respect, almost legs wipe on you. And how is it not to get to the dead end!

What to do? To do what?!!! We would be happy to live differently, but ... The whole trouble is that there is no other scenario of life, in addition to what we learned in childhood, we do not.

But the question "What to do?" indicates that we came to point of choice.

Selection 1. We continue to live, focusing only on something, "what people will say." This state victims, which is always looking for reasons: Husband - a scoundrel, the boss - the fool, a friend is a traitor and then on the list. A predator always finds a victim, you may not doubt.
Selection 2. We realize that yourself creators Its happiness and learn to manage your life, carrying her personal responsibility. And here, without making himself, trusting itself and a huge thirst for life - in no way. To learn this itself, of course, you can. Life is an excellent teacher. But childhood baggage is so heavy that one does not master. You can also reduce the path to the present, contacting a psychologist. Yes, it costs money. But they pay off through the cardinal improvement in the quality of life.

And now you can return to the main question "How?" How to accept yourself?

The answer to it lies in the plane of the unique path of each person and those elections that he makes every minute of his life. If you choose the path of the victim: the path of accusations, claims, expectations, ratings - you can not read further. This path in no way leads to acceptance of yourself. If you chose the second way, then certain steps are inevitable. Options for their execution great set, but look in the essence.

1. Take care of your body.
It is closest to what we call and what needs adoption. When we remember that it should be washed regularly, it is very good to feed, let him breathe fresh airsleeping on pure underwearMore to move, conveniently and stylishly dress, it meets us with the feelings of beauty, freshness and ease.

2. Learn to listen and hear your body.
In the body answers to all questions, and it never deceives us. Be attentive To what happens to him. If the legs do not go somewhere, maybe you do not need there?

When something hurts, discover at least Louise Hay, its table in psychosomatics. The pain is always where there is not enough of our attention. And she exactly indicates that we do not see in yourself. Or we see, but do not accept. One awareness of this is a step towards yourself. Sometimes this happens enough so that pain stops.

If you find yourself in a situation of choice, ask the body, how to do it. Concentrate attention, for example, in the center of the chest, and imagine each option. Pleasant feelings in the form of heat, expansion means "yes." Feeling compression, pressure - no. Trust yourself, your feelings.

3. Give the behavioral templates.
How? Do everything differently, even in stupid, but not as accustomed. Let it be for you practice for a couple of weeks.

For example, you used to walk on one road - find another.
Listen usually one music - try listening to another.
At the claim of her husband got used to justify - silence or joke, or ...

When we change something familiar, even small, then we are better aware of ourselves. The meaning of such actions is to explore yourself, start noting in itself something new, details of your life. Agree, it is difficult to accept "biorobot", as if programmed to a set of familiar functions.

4. Allow yourself to express priorities in favor of your needs.
If you need to finish work, but you want to eat, go and eat. And then work.

When guests dressed, and you want to sleep, feel free to tell them about it straight. Honesty and openness are indispensable attributes of themselves. And yes, I know well how difficult and even scary to open, speak direct about my feelings, not rolling in charges and complaints. Especially your loved ones. However, honesty brings clarity: even if it hurts something, it is clear what to do next. And it is always relief.

5. Do you like.
Look for your business, then that brings you joy and satisfaction. It is impossible to take yourself if you live, following someone's instructions, even if they are interested in caring parents. Even more unbearable to satisfy other people's ambitions. It is better to learn from your mistakes than to live not your life.

6. Be stubborn in achieving what you consider important for yourself.
For example, you wrote an article, painted the picture, welded borsch, but you never know what else you did as made-sm, And in response, hear solid "Fu, oh," ... and you take and make it again. And again, as it does, - that is, as it makes himself. And again the estimates are not very. But you continue to listen to yourself, go for yourself and do in your own way. And at some point everyone is silent, if not in admiration, then in respect for sure. It may be nice to you, and maybe it's in any way. Because external assessments are not what affects you. You already hear your own voice.

7. Live! Every second.
Drink tea - so drink tea. Go down the street - so go. Feel like your legs touch the earth, and the cool wind is pleased with your body. Around so much happening! This can be noted, only being attentive to yourself: His feelings, thoughts, feelings in the body. Then every perfect action will be adequate this moment. And every moment will live and felt full. Without any assessments and judgments. In full acceptance of yourself and everything around the way it is. And thanks for the opportunity to feel the grief / joy and pain / pleasure that there is an integral part of existence.

That's it. Share in what I live, what I wish. In fact, to accept yourself-life is much easier than to resist themselves. And surely more pleasant.

How to love yourself? Now many people before come to a psychologist, read a large number of Psychology books. And in the end, their life difficulties are not only not solved, but even, on the contrary, become even more significant. And then a person comes to a psychologist with the question: "I realized that I probably need to learn to love myself, but no book could not give me a clear answer to the question, how to do it."

What am I all this, yes to what when there is psychological problems, read books on psychology is rather harmful than useful. This is exactly the case that Solomon's biblical hero spoke:

"In many wisdom, a lot of sadness; And who multiplies knowledge, multiplies grief. " (EKK. 1:18)

The main reason for the fact that psychological knowledge of books do not help people is related to the fact that their own unconscious is not subject to us. Without a conductor who speaks a psychologist, a person is most likely, so forever and will join his three pines vital difficulties. There is only one effective way in love for yourself. He goes through work with a personal psychologist to learn himself, and learning, accepting and love. Different, alas, in no way.

In my opinion, in the question of accepting and love in an effective way Will be a passage of long-term personal therapy. Of course, there are trainings, exercises, but they are short-term effect. It is like a removal of a symptom, and in personal therapy is the search for the reason why this symptom originated. It does not matter what type of psychotherapy technique will, most importantly, to help, to bring relief.

Cognition by personal therapy can be compared with training immersion under water into the very depth of the ocean. The dive training passes in gradually - first they teach on land, how to breathe with scuba, how to move in water, then goes to practice in water, but begin with a shallow depth and gradually fall deeper and deeper. Throughout the training, there is always a coach, which will help you learn to dive.

Personal therapy works in a similar way. You are from the session in the session dive with yourself all deeper and deeper, you will recognize yourself and begin to understand "who I". And in the depths always something unknown, which can scare. With each immersion, there is a psychotherapist, which helps to overcome this depth and brings your meeting with your "I".

Immersion in yourself is a meeting with yourself. Meeting with the part of itself, which was rejected and hidden in our depth. Always rejected the "bad" part in which there are a lot of resentment, anger, disappointment, envy, shame, guilt, fears, anxiety, failures. And a person cannot consist only from the "good" part. It is very important to understand that we have both "good" and "bad", and this is all "I", which makes us a holistic person.

After the rejected parts were discovered, the adoption process passes. Because to detect is one thing, but to accept that you can consist of "bad" and "good" - it is not always easy and pleasant. Taking itself at the sessions of personal therapy passes through the experience of relationships with the therapist.

We have a certain pattern of relationships that we distribute on all our relationships with the outside world. This pattern comes from childhood formed through the experience of relations with loved ones (parents, brothers / sisters, relatives). And this pattern is projected into therapeutic relations that are "mirror".

To find the right strategy, look at the current. So we usually "accept ourselves":

We are considering yourself, not digging too deep.
I ignore the whole horror of what you saw or dislike them how my mother wandered with his chad.
We decide to change something.
Forget every other day.

If you are angry and shook, they say, it's not me, exhale and think again. Fair.

You don't like yourself too much. Times or always. You are unhappy with yourself, but it is hard to change, and psychologists or compassion friends are poured: "You are what you are. With you all Okay, just accept yourself. "

And let's decide for the experiment for a second that you are not all okay. That the figure on the scales you sadness is not because you can not accept yourself, but because you are thicker than you want. What if you earn two times less acquaintances, the output is not to not compare ourselves with them, but in making money more.

Taking itself in the sense in which it describe inspirational quotes in social networks means inconceivable - it is necessary to accept. Solve once and for all that you are fat and stay so. You can surround yourself with a convenient reference group ("You even goes fullness", "Not that this skinny Jolie"), so as not to go crazy from the permanent "condemnation of society." Change friends on others, victory. Then it is possible to compare before planning, because you are cooler.

Take yourself? Not a problem. Just reducing the strip of claims. In the consistent world, where nothing recalls your shortcomings and past ambitions will be dry and comfortable. Potentially - all life.

Without panic

Let's adult. This adoption looks like this:

You look carefully on yourself and inside yourself, and then on the sides. Aware of what you, including in comparison with the actual environment.
Realistly evaluate the whole horror seen. Agree that now you are just such and no other.
You try to treat someone with kindness to someone who you will do, as I would have done a good, but not the wrong mom.
Decide that it is so good (and good will definitely) that you can not change (never or now), and what you want to change and can.
Get to change.
Profit.

Now wonder how to go through these difficult steps (whether they are simple, everyone would have done them) efficiently and without loss.

Normal ≠ bad

If you are familiar with "Swing self-esteem" (that is, you will jump between "I am the king" and "I am nothing" without a tangible buffer), it means that your self-esteem is inadequate. After all, we are all what? Normal. Not gods and not poverty. Normal people with pluses and minuses, and you do not change your life until this fact is.

Quiet, modest, without fatalism and hysterics, tell me:

I a common person. What am I better than some, in something - worse.

It's hard. "I am usual" for many is tantamount to "I am Loch", because we have the illusions of my significance, and we will have to go far to the "usual".

By the way, there is so unloved by all the comparison may even help. Compare yourself with close friends. Those who share with you intimate, and not just a glossy version of their life in the ribbon.

They also have problems at work. There is also an overweight and beer stomach. They were thrown too. They also refused plans and abandoned dreams, whose implementation did not begin. They are not Einsteins, not Gates and not supermodel. They, like you, most likely, have no pack of stunning features, but there are very good features for which you love them. And there are shoals, unpleasant, but not terrible. They are the same as you.

Seem to be important

Everyone wants to feel perfectly, the more often, the better, the psyche is helpfully feeding the buzz for any achievements, even illusory. Passed the level? Cool. Graft likes? Goddess.

Video games and social networks are so addictive, because they give a leap of self-esteem for anything, but (fortunately) life puts everything in places. If you are tired of falling into the pit "I nobody" and run the sparkling heels behind the new portion of likes, you need to understand one thing.

Self-assessment increases with real achievements in the spheres of life important for you. The only way. No other way.

If you are important to look good and you will lose weight, or learn to dress beautifully, or do, finally, your teeth - you will feel better. The main thing, these achievements will remain with you. A hundred pictures that you did to get more or less nothing, this will not give, no matter how likes you have collected. The feeling that you get in the game, "bumping" a beginner, will not compare with the completion complex project at work.

Do not be angry with yourself or others for being unhappy. Where to be satisfied? What did you do today to feel at the height? If all the answers are reduced to what you eaten (literally or figuratively), and not to what they have prepared, it's bad.

By the way, about others.

Enough to blame others

There are people who had a terrible childhood and monstrous parents. They (and not everyone) have psychological injuries and blocks that, with other things being equal, reduce the chances of happy life. But most had normal parents and ordinary childhood, with a good and bad intention. And all one society, with its propaganda of unrealistic standards of appearance and success.

It is not directly related to how your life now looks.

Even if your mother as a child said that you are fat (stupid, loser), how old are you? Twenty five? Thirty? Even if the roots of your complexes lie somewhere outside, you are an adult. Your life is in your hands, and if not - who is responsible for this? Mom, who did not praise? Society that gives?

I know that the search for children's injuries is a favorite strategy of psychologists, but even they will say that at best the beginning of the path. At worst, it is a loss of time to facing the past instead of working with the present. Waiting for a wizard who will give an advance praise for non-existent achievements or apologies for imaginary or even real offenses - a dead end. In the gym for you anyway, no one will go, new job Will not receive, the language will not learn, the relationship does not build.

Nobody will live for you. And dying too.

Pleasure + benefit + stream

A good mood has a pretty simple formula: [desire] + [embodiment] \u003d [PLEASURE]. Happiness - a little harder.

[Useful desire] + [embodiment] \u003d [PLEASURE] + [benefit].

For example, the embodiment of the desire to eat burger gives a buzz now, immediately. The embodiment of the desire to eat something delicious and useful gives a buzz (for those who know how to enjoy the taste of useful food) and health in the future.

To change the bad habits for good, you need to gradually learn to enjoy beneficial things, but not through the power of will: it is enough for a while, because the action through "I CAN" is stress, and the brain will avoid him in the interests of self-preservation. This is one of the reasons why the diet usually follows the holiday of gluttony. It is much better not to break ourselves, but to change the circumstances to achieve the conceived it became easier.

We noticed how easy it is to go to dance courses if there is a pleasant young lady? How do you want to run to run into the gym, if you fell in love and look good for your beloved so important?

This is a stream. Pleasant emotions interrupt stress from something new and complicated.

Look for the ability to create a stream. Go to the gym with your beloved girlfriend. PUBLIC PUBLIC ORDER (in the social network, for example) and publicly track progress. Let friends comments support you. Sign up for training in the end. The purpose of any good training is to create a stream. Just do not sit down on these trainings, like on the huskies. They charge emotions, but if this charge wishes only in dreams, you will waste money and time. The stream should be caught and sent to useful activities, only then your life will change.

Love yourself

It may seem that this is a paradox. How to love a mediocre person who has so many flaws? To answer, it is enough to remember how you last fell in love. It is unlikely that that man was with a generally accepted point of view outstanding, but in the process of communication he became such for you.

You need to love yourself not because you are steeper everyone, but because you are you.

Your life experience, character, body, the links that you built with the world are unique, and that's all you have. Be a friend, the best, understanding and inspiring to more.

Yes, you have shortcomings, but many of them are overcome, and you know perfectly well how to overcome them. And those that are insurmountable, as a rule, are not fatal. It was this that was meant under the phrase "with kindness to treat the one who you are, as I would do a good, but the wrong mom."

Remember, almost all, rich and poor, beautiful and ugly, live in inertia. People who in adulthood have achieved great success, often can't describe how they came to them. They just did what they wanted. They can rationalize and remember how some phrase or event pushed them, like: "My father died early, and I caught fire the idea of \u200b\u200bfinding a medicine from his illness." But many fathers died early, and not everyone became outstanding scientists. Just for these "so it happened."

The same applies to chronic losers. So it happened. Even if their conscious decisions (few decide lying and do nothing, but let's say) led to an accident, what's the use of yourself to blame yourself?

The main question for positive vital changes is not "who is to blame", but what to do.

With regular practice of the first two items (realistic perception + real achievements), love for himself will gradually appear, because a) you will take your current image and life that created, and b) you will actively work on their improvement and development.

And this is all that a person can do.

Elena Gamayun,
family psychologistOften we hear the phrase "you need to love and take yourself," but not everyone understands what it really means. Women speak with irritation: "... I love myself so much, I bought myself a dress, I made a hairstyle, went once on the massage." At the same time it works like a man nervous system She is not fine, makes our lady not what he wants, the husband offends her, the children are wrapped from her rope, she does not have the opportunity to be alone with him, etc. Love and acceptance of yourself - this is one of the basic criteria for women happiness both in love and in relationships with loved ones and career success, and of course, the lack of health problems.

If you want life
smiled to you, give her first
your good mood.

Spinoza

Let's figure out what love for yourself is? To do this, refer to your being. We have our, our mind, our emotions, our spirit. And all this very much needs our joyful care, attention and love. Our little girl inside really wants to be heard, waiting for praise and gifts. And instead, he always hears: "No", "not now", "we are already too old for this," "It is harmful," "Silent and Terepi, and what if he leaves?" ... Let's start taking care of yourself: about Your body, about your mood, about your development and your soul!

"I" in the first place

Steps to happy yourself

So why start loving yourself?

You need to learn to hear yourself and your desires

For many women, this is a big problem. Our brain is so often clogged with other people's thoughts and desires that many have long forgotten what to do their own own desires! To do this, there is a wonderful exercise "What I wish." It is done very simply: take a sheet of paper and answer your questions "What gives me joy?", "What am I getting positive emotions?" Here it is necessary to specifically write a list: what exactly brings you joy? For example, communicating with children, a walk with a dog, warm bath With rose petals, and maybe you dream to write a picture or go to dance. The main thing is that this is a specific action that does not depend on the circumstances. Something you can do yourself and enjoy this action.
What does my soul want? What have I long wanted to do? My simple desires (here just start spontaneously to write the answer to these questions). Then decide for yourself that from this moment you begin to love yourself and indulge. Start performing your desires - it will give you a feeling of love for yourself and care for yourself. There will be an internal self-esteem and.

Learn to say "no"

it important moment Love to yourself. At the same time, it is important not to feel guilty, most people just manipulate you on the feeling of guilt. Always think: do I want to do it? And what happens to terrible, if I do not do this now? For example, you do not want to go somewhere, and friends or insist, or a man behaves incorrectly towards you, but you don't tell him "no!" And continue to sacrifice themselves. Sometimes it's very scary for the first time to say "no", but from love to yourself learn how to do it. As the wise men say, do something from love, and not from fear.

Wear your personal space and your personal time.

If your loved ones and friends are accustomed to the fact that you are always at their disposal that they can put their interests above your, behave selfishly in relation to you, you need to put this end. Agree with your loved ones, explain that you also need personal time to restore vitality and inner harmony.

Find your favorite passion or hobby

It can be drawing, yoga, dancing, traveling ... and do not give in to blackmail type: "What is more good to you - your dance or me?" So often men blackmail women, trying to drag more attention to themselves. But there is a danger! When you stop engaged in yourself and with your hobbies (that is, fill yourself with joy and positive emotions), you can become uninteresting. Because a woman who does not love and does not appreciate himself, becomes uninteresting and for her man!

Love your body

Realize that your body is the temple of your soul. I wrote a lot of meditations and autotraenings for women, as this is a big problem! Advertising, television - all impose some standards to us, but it is a big deception. I do not suggest you go for the night and stop doing sports, no. I suggest you start communicating with your body a little differently. We have the mind of our body, he is called a "somatic mind" and he hears us perfectly! And what does he hear? No thanks for the works, all the time something is wrong: the sides, cellulite, I am not beautiful enough, I am old, etc. Why many of my clients, turning to the problem of excess weight, get the result? Because they begin to love their body. And from love (and not from hatred to him) go to workouts, power supply correctly, lead healthy image Life, learn to easily experience stress.

Open the second breath!

It is necessary to find and raise from your subconscious all your excellent resources and abilities! Realize your uniqueness. Surely in your life there were situations where you were at the height. Where everything turned out, and you were at the peak of positive emotions. Your task - consciously remember this. For example, in our trainings, we do the exercise "What is my uniqueness", where the participants are consciously begin to reflect on their advantages and remember the situation where they showed their best qualities and received positive feedback.
Speaking easier, our brain is so arranged that, remembering some events, automatically turn on the "anchors", some of our memory, and we actually fall into these emotions and the states that were in that situation. And getting into this reality, we can actually feel great changes in our condition. The joy of life will appear, the feeling of success, self-confidence! If you learn similar technicians, you will become easy to go through life in love and harmony.

Learn to react to stress

It is known that negative emotions kill any person from the inside. A woman fades her beauty, youth. Externally, it is very much manifested. We will remember constantly dissatisfied people, they have already developed wrinkles, the expression of the face is always evil. And even when emotions do not manifest, still an evil face remains, because this mask negative emotions Already imprinted. Therefore, it is necessary to learn the techniques of self-regulation and take their mistakes without criticism and self-name! In other words, bring yourself to the resource state you need.

We are looking for strength to change

There are several ways I can offer a psychologist. You can choose any depending on your temperament, perception of the world and experience in such practices. One of them is a mental revision, or "coach-approach". It is suitable for women who are important to realize, understand and send their mind to solve the situation, and not to destroy itself. For example, you have some kind of difficult situation, and you were in the Crash state. If you begin to think something like that "why everything happened so, what am I guilty, what did I do wrong?", Even deeply immerse yourself in the problem. And if you start thinking "What can I do now to change this situation?" - This is a weighty plus. Such thinking is aimed at solving the problem and gives you the opportunity to act, and not suffer and lose force.
If you can not do anything to change the situation, then you need to create a positive experience, answering myself on the question "What do I want instead? How do I do next time so that this does not happen? ".

Dear girls! Love and indulge yourself! Enjoy yourself good people, pleasant music, flowers. Learn to eat and regulate your condition. Be always in the resource state of love for yourself, and you will not be any difficulty becoming a light and cheerful person. Namely, such people smiles good luck!