It is easy to lose trust, but it is impossible to return it. Basic trust and distrust of the world. Restoring relationships after breaking up

It is easy to earn trust, but it is almost impossible to recover what is lost. This is practically the same as gluing broken plate: It seems that all the pieces are collected and in their places, but it looks and feels different. So it is with trust. But it's worth trying to restore it, especially if you want to keep the relationship. How to regain the trust of a loved one?

Have patience

Don't expect trust to return as soon as you apologize. These things don't happen at the snap of your fingers. Sometimes months do not go away, sometimes years.

Therefore, determine the period that seems optimal to you. Let's say six months. During these 6 months you will be doing your best to restore your husband's trust. But if you notice progress in your relationship, then stop all attempts and let your husband go.

From the very beginning you wash and do not notice his response to your actions, but if gradually it seems to thaw out, then you are on the right track.

And come to terms with the fact that trust may not be able to return. After all, when we betray, we kill part of a person's soul. And it is not known if it can be revived and saved. It depends on many circumstances and on the strength of his love for you. If he infinitely loves you no matter what, then sooner or later he will forgive, and by your actions you will again win his trust and respect.

Don't forget about yourself

Take small steps

Act gradually. If your husband talks to you, then this is good, you have contact. If it is not there, then it will take time to resume. The main thing is to wait until all emotions have subsided.

Doing nothing does not mean doing nothing. When you take the next step towards each other, then freeze for a while. Let this stage become familiar, then do the next.

Trust yourself

If your husband does not trust you anymore, then he is unlikely to want to be frank and sincere with you. He will not start long conversations and ask your advice or opinion.

Chances are your conversations will be short and sparse. And this is natural. But force yourself to trust him and not ask too much.

If he said that they called for work, then they were. No more questions. You trust him. He must feel it, otherwise he will not be able to start trusting you again.

Be consistent

Once you are thinking about how to regain the trust of a loved one, then you do not need to change your decisions halfway. Moreover, one should not change his mind once again and again try again. You have given yourself a time limit. And until he comes out, go for it.

If, nevertheless, you realized that your actions have no effect, and decided to give up ahead of time then let go of your husband and allow yourself to start living without him. Throwing doesn't make anyone happier.

Do not rush to brawl in hot pursuit

Once you have a fight, do not rush to act. Let him and you cool down a little. When you start thinking with your head again, and not with emotions, then you will be able to objectively assess the current situation and the expediency of your actions.

But get ready for the fact that your husband's emotions might not cool down. Then you will have to listen to everything he has to say and give him a little more time to calm down.

Wait for reciprocity

Don't take the next step until you see that current gains have been achieved and anchored. A rough plan of how to regain trust in a relationship, actions looks like this:

contact has been established. That is, he does not ignore your messages, answers calls, does not run away when he meets;
he keeps the conversation going on general topics. Let him answer briefly and dryly for now, but you get a dialogue of 10-12 lines without difficulty;
he answers in detail, supports conversations on general topics, asks questions himself;
you gradually start talking about personal things, about feelings;
you are ready to have a heart-to-heart talk. Get ready for the fact that you will tell your husband everything. You yourself will tell about the situation that undermined his trust. And answer all his questions honestly and sincerely. It will be a very unpleasant and painful conversation for both of you, but without it it is impossible to earn your husband's trust again;
building trust with her husband.

All stages of how to regain confidence in yourself must be passed. If you miss at least one, then in the future it may turn out that everything seems to be fine with you, but you are separated by an abyss of mutual misunderstanding.

Open your soul

One of the steps to regain confidence in yourself, which needs to be discussed in more detail, is a heart-to-heart conversation. It should be understood that he:

will take a long time. So you shouldn't start it in the morning before work.
will be hard for both of you. So speak in a calm environment where you will not be disturbed;
tell it as it is. Even if you are ashamed, hurt, hurt;
do not rush him with a reaction. Let him hear you and consider your words;
do not be afraid that the conversation will drag on for several days. After he thinks it over, it will be his turn to speak. Then you can take a break to think. Just do not let it drag on for more than 3-7 days, otherwise you will have to start the conversation over again;
draw conclusions and ask for forgiveness.

Either way, you need this conversation. But as a result, you can both renew your relationship and realize that this is the point in them. In any case, the result will be positive - there will be certainty in your relationship.

Don't get hung up

If you are a purposeful person, then you will do everything possible to achieve your goal. But how to regain the husband's trust if he categorically does not make contact? In addition to what we said above about the deadline, set additional interim deadlines.

Let's say you give you a month to start responding to your messages. But now it comes to an end, and you are still everywhere on the black lists. Then you need to think about whether it is worth increasing this period. Perhaps the emotions have not subsided.

But at the same time, it is not worth delaying, because at first the emotions will subside, and even slightly vivid feelings for you will die without the necessary resuscitation measures.

But you can't get your husband to meet you halfway. So don't get hung up on this goal.

If it didn't work out or you don't know how to regain your husband's trust in another way, then start living by your own interests. It may even happen that he, feeling free from pressure from you, wants to reconcile himself. And if not, then happiness to you and him.

Make general plans

The last point of your action plan is strategically important. Once you've discussed everything, it's time to move on. So before you regain your husband's trust, think about how you will live next. And discuss your plans with him. At the same time, it is extremely important that these plans are joint.

For example, you want to spend a summer vacation in the mountains. Therefore, say: “Let's go to the mountains in August? Wonderful sunny weather is expected there. We will breathe fresh air, we will admire nature. And we will also meet the sunrises. Isn't that great? "

It would be wrong to say this: “I want to go to the mountains in the summer. Wonderful sunny weather is expected there. A fresh air, the beauty of nature is worth what. And you can also see the sunrises. Isn't that great? "

These options are very similar, but the difference is enormous. In the second case, there is no place for a husband in such a plan, have you noticed?

Learn the lessons

It is useful to learn from any situation in life, especially from one that has destroyed trust in a relationship with a husband. Why did it happen at all? Don't take all the blame on yourself. So your husband hasn't given you something.

Unroll the sequence of events: the husband did not give something because he did not know about it. He didn’t know about it, because you didn’t tell your husband about your feelings. They didn’t say because they didn’t talk. We didn’t speak because ...

When you get to the beginning, you have a blueprint for mending your relationship. In our case, it will be like this:

set aside time to talk with your husband;
learn to talk about your feelings and desires;
listen to her husband.

It turns out that everything is extremely simple. And the problem arose because the husband is not a telepathic person. By the way, you also do not know how to read his mind. So talk!

Restoring trust in a family where cheating has happened is a difficult and often time-consuming process. In order to bring oneself closer to the desired result, the decision about one's behavior must be made not with friends, drinking wine with bitterness, and not after another squabble with her husband. The best thing in this situation is a sober head, the most neutral emotions and expert advice.

How to restore trust in the family, advises psychologist and body-oriented wellness therapist Elena Shubina.

What to think about after cheating?

Before you take action and start living " ordinary life", Or rather - to restore ordinary life, Elena Shubina offers to answer herself honestly to 3 questions, no matter how painful and difficult it may be:

Will I be able to forgive and live with this person as before, without claims, accusations, reminders and fear that everything will happen again?
Will he be able to return and love me as before, and maybe even stronger, will he be able to do everything so that I can trust him again and be able to trust myself?
Do we both have the strength and desire to go through these trials and make our family stronger than it was?

The expert warns: “If the answer to these questions is:“ no, I'm not sure, partially, ”then you should know that it may well happen that you will not be able to save your family, and then it is better not to waste time, but to try your luck with someone else. ". In this case, the question of restoring trust is no longer valid.

What should a woman do to restore trust?

Returning trust is hard inner work, and it is difficult to do it alone if the situation directly depends on another person, in this case, your husband. Even if you are a strong-willed woman and make a categorical decision “To be a family!”, It is unlikely that at one moment your mood will drastically change without the special efforts of your husband.

Therefore, the most important rule is the very first thing you can do to regain trust in a man:

1. Don't force yourself!

When you forgive, you make a promise to yourself never to remember again about treason , do not blame your husband, etc. But until trust has been restored, don't force yourself to behave like you used to. Don't force yourself to forgive and start trusting overnight. It still won't work, too strong emotional stress you have experienced.

Also, don't rush yourself, give yourself as much time as you need. A process like forgiveness is very difficult to fit into a time frame. The options "in a month", "before lunch" or "by next Monday" still won't work. The opposite behavior can lead not only to a deterioration in your mental state, but also to illness.

The psychologist warns: “If you convince yourself that you have already forgotten and forgiven everything, and you can already trust, when all your communication still says otherwise, you will drive yourself into neurosis (this is at best), or even "earn" the disease. Tell yourself: “I will do everything to ensure that the ability to trust comes to me in a timely manner. I'll give myself and him time. It won't be a big deal if I keep an eye on him for now. It's better than hurrying up and feeling cheated again. "

2. Set a deadline for verification and agree with your husband

Without forcing yourself to "forgive until the New Year" - you may well set a very definite period during which you will look closely at your husband. During this period, you may have a number of agreements at home that will help you understand, forgive, or decide for sure that you cannot do this.

“Agree that you will check it for a while. I know men who allowed their wives to look into their cell phones and gave them passwords for their Email, only so that they can forgive and forget as quickly as possible. "All this does not mean anything, if he wants to hide something, he will hide it," - of course, you say ... This is both true and not true.

Most people are still not so cynical as to purposefully create other accounts, ciphers, addresses and passwords for these purposes (this is partly why they get caught cheating). And the right to check, given voluntarily and with good intentions, is indeed more than salutary for a relationship. And by the way, usually after it I do not want to check anyone at all, ”the psychologist suggests.

Also, ask your husband to be more attentive to you, ask him to give you more information and explain your behavior if something new happens. For example, if earlier you knew for sure that on Wednesdays he is late because he plays bowling with friends, now this bowling can turn into much more colorful pictures in your eyes. Ask him to call and warn you, the "default" or "you already know" option does not work now.

Important! Remember that being able to test and test are two different things. Do not turn into a paranoid detective, in such conditions your husband, even if he really decided to change, will not last long, and your nerves will give up from constant stress. Manage to get out of the checking state in time, because after you forgive, your personal space should return to your husband.

3. Develop a culture of conversation in the family.

Suspicions and omissions do not make a family happy. Probably everyone knows the "snowball" effect, when small innuendos and unspoken grievances accumulate and, over time, bury all the good things in your family. Now, not only should you not allow yourself this behavior, you should not!

Now that trust in your couple seriously shaken, you cannot afford to quietly doubt, so prepare your husband for the fact that during this difficult period you will ask much more questions than before.

Here is what the psychologist advises: “Tell your husband about your feelings and suspicions right away. The fact is that sometimes we ourselves do not realize to what extent we do not understand our partners. For example, you went to him and stood behind him, and he immediately slammed his diary. Say right away that this caused a storm of feelings and suspicion in you. Almost certainly he will open a page for you, and you will see that there is nothing on it, and his habit of closing documents has remained from his army past, you just didn’t pay attention to it before ... ”.

4. Fix what led to the change

As you know, there is no smoke without fire. And any betrayal is the fault of the other partner. Think about what the man lacked? And even if his demands are unreasonable, as it seems to you, try to give it to him. After all, if this lack led to treason, then it was very important for him. And this applies to all betrayals, even those that seem to happen by chance.

Show him again the woman he fell in love with, the one who did not want to cheat. Try starting with yourself and you will see changes.

5. Develop willpower

Few people believe that willpower can be an assistant in this matter. After all, you can't force yourself to trust on command and, gritting your teeth, say to yourself: "From this moment on, I trust him again." But you can and should really want to return the world to the family again.

Psychologists say that you can program yourself for a certain step, and this indoor installation will help you move on. By itself, of course, it will not change anything, but it will be the basis for your daily behavior, which, in fact, forms the reality in your family.

3 rules for men

In fact, this section should be central to this article, because it is the man's behavior that will determine whether you can regain trust in him and how quickly you can do it.

But is there a chance that a man will see everything written below? You can of course show him or tell him. Or you can just know it yourself, because this is also important. The main problem after the betrayal is that no one knows exactly how to behave, there is no model of behavior, how it should be, what is natural, what is not, what can be required, what is needed and what is not.

"Everybody does it this way" is of course a dubious kind of argument, but when there is nothing else, it is difficult to find another support. We offer you the opinion of a psychologist on how a man should behave and what to be prepared for in order to restore a family after his betrayal.

Due to the fact that there is no knowledge, we can do things that will only spoil everything. Below we give a list of myths and main mistakes that a woman can make when trying to suppress resentment and forcibly force herself to trust her husband. And also a parting word to a man - a model of behavior that should be adopted in order to restore trust in the family.

1. "We are adults"

Any problem, especially such a serious one as cheating, and the restoration of trust in the family after it, makes us psychologically older, makes us look for more mature and wiser solutions. Therefore, a woman who has made the decision to forgive and again regain trust in a couple tries to behave very wisely, calmly, with her husband trying be silent and endure , and alone crying into the pillow.

How to behave in a man

A woman who has lost confidence is like an offended child. She is capricious, suspicious, touchy, withdrawn and vulnerable. And anything can seem to her. And this is normal and natural! By betrayal, you hurt her pride, and she is now trying with all her might to return it. So if you really need this woman, be very patient ...

How to restore trust in a man if he has changed

First of all, give her the right to know everything she wants about you and your life, including passwords, accounts. You may think that this is too blunt and will create some inconvenience for you. Previously, of course, this was not the case, but it was YOU who lost the woman's trust, this is your fault and therefore you need to make concessions.

2. "About treason - not a word"

There is an opinion that to forgive is to forget. This means that one cannot not only talk about treason, but also think about it. But this only applies to the period when thoughts and emotions are already amenable to at least some kind of control.

Not knowing this, some women torment themselves with thoughts about what kind of woman it was, how it all happened and why. They harass themselves, thereby driving them into neurosis, but still do not allow themselves to talk about it.

How to behave in a man

Very often, a woman who has been cheated is interested in details, sometimes very intimate, about how and why, with whom, in what environment it happened. This is completely irrational and will surely surprise and even anger you. And often a woman is silent about her desire.

But despite everything, it is very natural. The woman really needs this information, and you would be wise to give it to her. The fact is that thanks to this information, a woman is determined with her self-esteem and goes through everything that happened to the end.

It never even occurs to you through what millstones it grinds this information, what “strange” conclusions it can draw, and everything in order to finally let it go. For example, after learning that a girl is young, you can convince yourself that she is naive and stupid in her youth, while you might assume that your spouse will worry about her not so young years. ..

In other words, it defies logic, but you will do a good deed if you answer her questions.

3. "Nothing will be the same as before"

Cheating changes everything and forever. Trying to regain lost trust, spouses often cross out all the good things that happened along with the bad. And building the so-called "new relationship", many for some reason believe that romantic events during this period will be awkward and unnatural, will be something like a feast during the plague. Therefore, everyone lives an ordinary life, trying to restore peace, forgetting that happiness alone will not increase happiness.

How to behave in a man

It is very important for every woman who has been cheated that some kind of ritual happens that would show her that the old has been passed and begun. new stage her life. But for some reason, men are afraid to do it, because “somehow it’s not the time.”

For additional comment, we turned to Olga Volodarskaya, author of highly social detective stories... Here is her opinion: “It is impossible to regain trust in a man if he has changed. And not worth it. Betrayal can be forgiven, you can put up with it, you can find an excuse for her, you can even pretend that she did not exist at all, but ... trusting the man who exchanged you for another will not work, no matter how hard you try.

He's late at work, and you think he's with her. Or on the other. After all, he cheated on you once, so maybe the second, third. And, in principle, in ten cases out of a hundred it will be so. I have a friend who constantly forgives her husband for infidelity. During several years. And it would be fine if she just closed her eyes to them. But no, he sincerely believes that this was the last time. Needless to say, everything repeats itself over and over again.

And when she finds out about husband's infidelity (and why are some men so careless?), then weeps from humiliation and resentment. After all, he was so sincere in his repentance, and she believed him. Everyone says to her: "Drop it." And she hopes that he will change.

I don’t give her advice. Let it decide for itself. But, it seems to me, you need to either live with the idea that treason is not a betrayal at all, but a mere trifle, or get divorced. "

What's your opinion?

Lyubov SHCHEGOLKOVA

People meet, show sympathy for each other. The apogee of long dates, cute SMS and calls before midnight should be the realization that a person cannot imagine his life without a soul mate. He understands that he has fallen in love and unconditionally believes her every word.

In other words, complete trust is established. And that's okay. Loving people should not have even a shadow of doubt within themselves in relation to a partner. As soon as a tiny seed of distrust is born, the risk increases that it will become a branched tree, and in a short time.

Few people, after a wedding, simple cohabitation, or at the stage of the candy-bouquet period, seriously think about the fact that a warm fire must be constantly maintained by putting firewood on. If this is not done in a timely manner, it will begin to fade out gradually, and then, it will go out altogether.

So it is with trust. It must be constantly justified. After two or three errors, a person runs the risk of being constantly targeted by a partner who will suspect his soul mate of something and try to convict her of this.

What can cause mistrust?

It is very easy to lose it. It all depends on the number of repetitions of the deed done. Most often, couples who are on the verge of breaking up due to distrust talk about the following reasons:

The absence of it initially. There are times when people meet for a good time and rarely think about what will happen next. Naturally, according to their logic, they do not owe anything to each other and are not obliged to strive to maintain warmth in the relationship. Here all the shortcomings and unseemly actions begin to appear outward. It is unlikely that such a development of events will lead to the altar. If this does happen, then not for long.
Attacks of jealousy, conviction of treason. Both of these factors are not encouraging at all. After all, if there is no trust, then suspicions arise. Sometimes they are completely groundless. But this is rather an exception to the rule. A person is so constructed that he feels deception or infidelity on an intuitive level. Even when it looks like perfect relationship, there is a kind of chill in relation to the partner. Naturally, jealousy slowly begins to draw unseemly pictures of the development of events in the imagination, and further exacerbates the situation.
If it is justified or the fact of treason was obvious, then in such a situation it is extremely difficult to talk about any kind of trust. Not every person is able to forgive and is ready to never remind his soul mate of the committed betrayal again.
The absence of an equal sign between word and deed. No sweet speech can replace deeds confirming them. Often there is such a thing among young people that in private a young man swears in love, is ready to throw everything at the girl's feet, but in fact, at every opportunity, humiliates her in front of mutual acquaintances, ridiculing her appearance or deed.
Deception. It does not matter that a person lied out of good intentions or simply did not tell important facts for another. It is from such little things that an opinion about everyone is made. After a person has been caught in a lie several times, it is extremely difficult to unconditionally believe his words.
Broken promises. Often people resort to this in order to avoid an unpleasant conversation, or, wishing to achieve the embodiment of some of their goals in life. For the other half, this behavior causes disappointment in the partner. You can't feed her "breakfasts" all the time. Sooner or later "saturation" will come, and there will be no trust at all.

What to do when the relationship is on the verge of breaking up?

Firstly, there is no point in banging your head against the wall and tearing your clothes off. Cold-blooded thinking is important now. Both partners need to drop negative emotions aside and rethink everything.

Second, it is important to clarify for each of them:

The reason for what happened.
To understand if there is even a drop of the former love and tenderness for a person who has come out of trust.
Imagine life without him. Will there be a feeling of lack of "second hand".
Is the person ready to fight to maintain the relationship and restore confidence in himself.

If everything in your head has turned into a clear picture, and there is a desire to be together no matter what, you need to re-win your favor.

What steps to take?

Of course, nothing will change overnight. And you should not expect from your half of the manifestation of crazy love just because the culprit apologized for half a day, swore that it was impossible to repeat this.

It's easy to get out of trust. To return it is a long and painstaking work. To quickly bridge the gap between partners, you need to adhere to several rules:

You can't constantly remind each other of what happened. This will only aggravate the situation and will be the reason for regular clarification of the relationship. It is better to try to forget about the current situation, and not to mention it in any conversations.
Do not blame the guilty person. If he took a risk and is trying to restore relations, it means that he realized his guilt. A person will constantly feel like a naughty cat. In such emotional stress he won't live long. Therefore, it will turn into a scandal again.
If, until the critical moment, the culprit did not pay much attention to his soul mate, and after what happened, he suddenly began to lose his head from love and almost blow away dust particles, this is, at least, suspicious. Of course, we are not talking about sincerity here.
A serious offense is not quickly forgotten and so is not expiated. No need for loud phrases and promises, expensive restaurants, necklaces and rings. Love and trust are not the subject of buying and selling. The most expensive gifts are pleasant little things that confirm the importance of a person's interests for a partner. And, most importantly, you need to promise only what you can really fulfill.
Humiliation for the sake of forgiveness is inappropriate. In addition to ridicule and mockery, as revenge from a partner, nothing else will happen.
No need to wash dirty linen in public. Partners are able to figure out their relationship on their own, without involving outsiders. If it is not possible to reach a consensus, it is better to turn to a specialist, rather than call on friends or relatives for help. It may turn out that later they will remain guilty.
Children should never be manipulated. Parental feelings have nothing to do with the relationship between a man and a woman. Trying to evoke a feeling of guilt in this way, you still cannot hold a person.

Lost trust takes a long time to recover. Sometimes it takes more than one year. If loving people really need each other - which means that all the work is not in vain and the struggle is worth it.

Unfortunately, there are situations in life when you, without thinking, betray your loved one. As a result, you lose his trust. However, it all depends on the situation. If the girl just lied, then the young man will surely forgive her, because everyone at least once, but fell for a lie. But if she cheated on him or flirted with his friends, then everything is much more complicated, and it is worth starting to look for an answer to the question "How to regain the trust of a loved one?"

Of course, initially you had to think carefully about the consequences, especially if you value your relationship. But if it did happen, then it is very difficult to regain trust. Everything here directly depends on your beloved and what kind of person he is. If he loves you madly, then there is always a chance for forgiveness, but if his feelings have long cooled down, then it will be useless to make excuses.

There are also guys who themselves want to end the relationship, and for this they provoke situations in order to then find themselves in a position offended person and dominate you. Of such young man you can see through right away. If he does not listen to any arguments, is not particularly upset and immediately says "no", then this was most likely just a provoked situation. Think about whether it is worth spending energy on him and arranging a showdown? It's better to just let go of this situation, since the person himself does not want to be together.

Trust cannot be returned, but it can be built. Consider whether you need a relationship with a person whose trust has been lost. Decide right away if you can no longer commit such acts, because the stronger sex is much harder to endure betrayal and betrayal. If you have analyzed everything and realized that you are ready to start a relationship from scratch, then start it with a frank conversation.

Admit your mistakes and guilt, be sincere. Tell us what is happening in your soul and that you are very ashamed of what happened. Loving man, in most cases, after such words, he meets halfway and gives a chance to the girl. However, one should not think that everything will now be the same. At first, he will be wary of your words and actions. And if you cheated on him, then perhaps he will often rummage through your things and look at the phone. Don't blame him for this, be understanding.

Also, you need to know that if you decide to regain trust, then get ready for the fact that you will have a completely different man. His consciousness will change not only in relation to you, but also in relation to all women.

Do not humiliate yourself by trying to renew the relationship. This behavior will only alienate the loved one. No need to call if he does not pick up the phone and watch him at the entrance, it will not lead to anything good. Give him time to think.

Of course, in addition to words, the deed is very important. Try to find out if your loved one has any problems, if so, help him solve them. Contact his friends, colleagues and ask what you can do for this. It is also a good maneuver to turn into an ideal girl. Listen to all his requests, be attentive, prepare surprises and delicious dinners for him.

Finally, I would like to say that true, sincere love cannot be destroyed by any misfortune. If you love, you can both forgive and apologize, because it is much more important to preserve true feelings than to replace them with quarrels and pain. And you no longer need to think about how to regain the trust of a loved one.
I highly recommend reading the next book. Lots of positive reviews.

In the article you will learn:

How to restore trust in a relationship

Hello everyone! Mistrust is a sword that will destroy any family happiness! Therefore, I propose to put it in a sheath and discuss, how to restore trust in a relationship what to do for this and what not to do.

Compliance with obligations

In general, what is trust? Remember the Hedgehog in the Fog?

I must, do you hear? I will, - said the Bear. The hedgehog nodded. - I will definitely come to you, no matter what happens. I will always be near you. The hedgehog looked at the Bear with quiet eyes and was silent. - Well, what are you silent? - I believe, - said the Hedgehog.

So, trust is confidence in your partner, the absence of doubts in his feelings, constancy in maintaining the relationship. If there was a trusting atmosphere in the parents' family, with self-esteem everything is in order and the couple does not succumb to the bad influence of the environment, then I am calm for them. Such a union everything will be fine, unlike those couples in which people never trusted each other. Unfortunately, the ability to trust a particular person is a fickle constant.

Why do we stop trusting

Mutual trust is a very fragile, tender, requiring frugality, property of interaction between two people, which can change for the worse or be lost altogether for many reasons:

Also, the ability to believe in a person is often lost in the bustle of everyday life and sometimes these moments pass unconsciously for us. For example, we confess our love, but ourselves in some situation neglected husband or a loved one... And they even forgot to explain. They promised to do something, and then skillfully "pulled out" from the promised. They did not attach importance to the important, they did not take into account, they were indifferent. it typical mistakes which we often admit. Therefore, as you can see, we humans break everything ourselves. So, we should build!

Mutual striving

First rule: two people must trust each other... A very common mistake is that one pleads guilty, seeks forgiveness and expects leniency. The other, being in the role of “judge” and “observer,” does nothing, or encourages: “try harder!”. And sometimes he doesn't want to communicate at all.

After all, to forgive does not mean to be confident in a partner now and then, in the future. And vice versa, you can keep an old grudge, but know that in the future a loved one will not allow this anymore, because he loves and appreciates. That's why trust can only be restored if it is a two-way traffic, as in any human relationship.

Moreover, such strong emotions as guilt, anger, resentment, feeling of sinfulness, they are destructive and supremely harmful to any union... And even nominal forgiveness will not bring saving energy and inspiration. Consequently, such a partnership will sooner or later fall apart.

Honest communication

Therefore, the second rule, sincerity and openness... When the "judge" does not punish, and also does not hide his suffering and worries to another. After all trust cannot be restored or earned.

Feel the difference: they are re-created by two souls open to each other, when hearts have nothing to hide. And this is a truly wonderful process. If partners can comprehend it, they will become even stronger than before.

To be sincere you need talk to a person as you would to yourself. If these or those thoughts and emotions break out from the depths of the soul, there is no need to cover them up and pretend.

Here it is, trust in a relationship!

Remember how spontaneous we were in childhood: we didn’t think about how, why and what we were saying, even if we were pulled back by adults. But now we are also aware of our emotions and needs, so now is the time to be a child.

Reaching agreements

But sincerity alone is not enough, so the third rule is willingness to change, to hear your boyfriend make sure they hear you. That is, do not try to adjust each other for yourself, but find opportunities to change something in yourself. Thus, reach agreements and solutions that satisfy both.

Unfortunately, this is one of the most difficult stages, because pride, a sense of self-righteousness interfere with meeting another, especially if he was caught in a lie, in treason, in inappropriate behavior, etc. And everything will become like in the film:

Do you believe me? - In theory!

A fight is for a fool, for a clever one is victory

Spiritual exercises are helpful in learning to compromise and trust in practice. They pacify the ego and nurture the spirit. An ideal situation if you develop spiritually together - attend seminars, courses or practice at home.

There are main types of techniques:

There are many such practices. Each person has his own, once forgotten or actively used. For example, prayer in the temple, rituals, trips to places of power, reading special books or watching films about the development of the spirit(read my article "Films about self-development and self-improvement"). There is also a technique of affirmations, repeated phrases, which I will talk about shortly.

To summarize, then, as we can see, there are three fundamental rules, without which it is impossible to restore trust: re-learn together, speak frankly and negotiate. And the most consoling thing about this is that much is in our power and in our hands! Therefore, dare, love and trust each other!

I hope my article was helpful to you. If so, share with your friends!

I would also appreciate your comments.

Love, June. Bye everyone!

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