One sage noted that the criticism can be avoided, but for this a person should not do not breathe, not to talk and do nothing. That is, no way! We live in society, surrounded by different people. And of course, we are not perfection. We have a lot of flaws, negative Partywho are evaluated by people from the side. And when they point us to our problems, we perceive their words in the bayonets. How to react to criticism and extract a lesson from it, how not to quarrel with those who wish us good and trying to help understand your shortcomings?

This question is worried about each of us. After all, most of the painful refers to the estimates, moreover, they are ready to demand apologies with fists. Wait, do not do nonsense! The person who criticizes you seeks to point out what we do not want to see. Or, he really has a desire to offend you. In any case, you need to react in accordance with the situation. But first let's find out what criticism is.

What is criticism and what it happens

Criticism is an estimated judgment that can concern all areas of human activity, as well as its appearance, habits. There are three types of criticism: fair, unfair and absolutely unjust.

1. Fair - negative evaluation of the action, act or appearance is formulated based on objective data.
2. Unfairly partially - here you criticize such moments as a human habit, his personal qualities, character traits, features of his behavior. Some proportion of truth is present in the assessment, but it can be challenged, referring to the subjective opinion of the criticism.
3. Absolutely unfair criticism is more insulting, humiliation of human dignity. Usually, there are ugly expressions, and even direct calls. As a rule, there is no reason for this type of estimates, and the preconceived attitude towards a certain person and its actions is mixed. Better do differently, learn how to benefit from his words.

Calm down

When we hear in your address criticism, they immediately strain, begin to resent. That is, we express a negative emotion, the explosion of nerves, incontinence ,. And, to some extent, we can understand. Well, who is pleased to hear the impartial words after our work and the efforts to make as much as possible? That is, between our expectations and estimates from the side there is a disappearance of misunderstanding. And our aggressive reaction is nothing more than a way to protect against an unfair attack. This is due to our psyche and physiology, nothing can be done.

And also hearing criticized in your address, we feel the threatening moment not only to our social status, but also our "I". We already have a certain idea of \u200b\u200bour own "I", and here they are trying to break it and say that we are not accustomed to speak ourselves.

Stormy, aggressive reaction to criticism is an automatic phenomenon, and, it means, there is no place for common sense and there is no reasoning. We narrow the field of your own perception of the assessment, although you should do otherwise - calm down and listen to the assessment to the end. Relax, discuss the topic of the question, give your opponent to finish.

Most of us during criticism is looking for in it weak spots, trying to defend, but does not seek to find the truth grain in it.

It is necessary to wait for the starting wave of a rapid reaction, its emotions. Only so you free up the space for the reasoning and perception of the words of the opponent. Believe me, this simple action will allow to see in reasoning with a man much more than you originally seemed to you. Due to this, in the future you can bypass sharp corners and mistakes. But it happens so that you hear unfair criticism. Especially good! You can stop a person or understand the causes of his behavior. So, what needs to be done when the phenomenon described us is the criticism of your address.

1. Consider in your head to ten.
2. It is necessary to make up to six deep breaths and exhale (breathe belly).
3. Take a blank sheet of paper and describe everything that you feel. Read - Is it worth answering? Of course not! His stormy reaction You have already been "poured" on paper, now the nerves calmed down.

Take advantage of criticism to improve yourself

Not always critical comments are aimed at humiliate, insult you? No, they can be used to improve their character, abilities, behavior. If you are told that something is not so your friends, relatives, who are believed to trust - listen. Also, you should not ignore the words of experienced mentors who study you with new skill, professionalism. And it is very stupid to refuse to listen, stuck your ears and not to meet to the one who wishes you to good. But, unfortunately, this is how we do most often!

Stay, die your dust and. Look at yourself from the side - the best appraiser of our capabilities is we ourselves. Each of us is known what we do right and what is not. Therefore, it is important to listen to the end of the word who wants to evaluate your actions, and in any sphere. Believe me, if it is a constructive critic, then you can use it with the benefit of yourself. Do not forget to tell your cryptin very much Thank you!

It happens that even a wise person is mistaken and criticizes even that we are not able to change. Nothing terrible - listened, nodded head and went further. There is no sense to argue and resent, only spoil your nerves.

Require specifics

We do not always understand during critical comments, about which this is speech. To understand what your opponent wants to say, ask him to be more detailed, accurate. And then you must understand it correctly, otherwise the dialogue will not be charged. For example, you create sites, and after delivery, the customer is not quite satisfied. You, in turn, outrage, because everything is done correctly. Therefore, specify its comments that it is not suitable for him. Perhaps somewhere you specified not the link, poorly prescribed tags, etc.

Thus, you will save time, and save the relationship with critical. In any situation, specifics are needed, thanks to which everyone will be satisfied.

Learn to listen and hear

If your address sounds criticism - listen to it to the end! And do not look, but actually look for every word. No need to twist in thoughts how you will defend what is weak sides Who who opposes you. Your attention will not give the chances to miss every word that can be significant for you. Do not interrupt your critics, let him say. Perhaps you give you the most valuable advice and for free, with good and respect.

After it finishes, think, do not disappear instantly. You need to get together with thoughts, to think about everything in detail, and how to answer. If you are worried about what silence will be silent, a calm answer is very mistaken. On the contrary, you will look in the eyes of other wise, disciplined and emotionally strong man. Your pause also "says" that they did not attach to criticism frivolously, and with respect, so before answering, you think what to say.

Specify - whether you criticize you correctly

It happens that the person is not yet knowing what is being dealing with, without waiting for the end of the process, it is already beginning to evaluate. Ask him, does he understand what he judges? Maybe it makes sense to gain patience and wait, when can I criticize? For example, you wrote an article, and there are already negative evaluations. Did the criticism understand? Or maybe you didn't bring your point of view before his hearing? In any case, you need to find out the moment.

Don't seek to be perfect

There are no perfect people in the world. No one can immediately create an ideal sculpture. Everything needs years and experience. Believe me if everything turned out the first time, then there would be no need for joint work, there would be no discussion. Therefore, refer to your shortcomings and failures condescending. Having every year, everything will be, and every year you will get better and better.

You know, because the heads of enterprises, the bosses of the offices also started the same way as you. And they also initially not everything went out as I would like. Therefore, they are accustomed to everyone to do together, take into account the opinion of workers, partners, assistants. But often we idealize themselves, and if someone is trying to point out our imperfection, it is comparable to us with an insult, humiliation and that is why we perceive criticism in the bayonies, as if the hedgehogs we release their spines.

You can't argue with someone else's impression, you need to listen to him. For example, you wrote an article, and you really like it. Showing her friends, other authors, you ran into bad rating. Not that everyone scolded you and offended. Each of them in vain pointed to the lack of facts, a bad style of presentation, office, etc. What do touchy comrades do in such cases do? Of course, indignant, and can even join the dispute, protecting their positions.

First, do what we have already spoken. Stay, calm down, make respiratory gymnastics, Write your emotions on the sheet. Secondly, think if you most indicate the shortcomings, it means they really have. After all, the side is visible! You should release it, how even a larger squall fell on your head! So what are you going to do? After all, it's too late!

Use criticism to improve perspective

Each of us looks in different ways. The same object is seen for one in one perspective, for the other - in the other. For example, the same rose, someone admires her forms, and someone is a stunning aroma. Or a beautiful slide - you are standing on her top and admire what is from below. Another person stands at her foot, he can tell how it looks below. That is, listening to criticism, you can add your knowledge and use them as a springboard in a career ladder.

And who are the judges?

Even critical comments should make those who have the right to do. Please pay attention to who gives an assessment of your activities, life, actions and behavior. Often, we are comments, then we hear from the one who treats you too biased, is configured against you.

Or maybe this person is too much "takes", he feels an important "bird", which you can all criticize everything, and as fairly, it is not true! Or, the assessment of your actions gives your close comrade, who wants you only all the best? So appreciate who acts as criticism. If a positive person, listen, negative - do not answer anything, just stop the conversation or leave.

Learn to say thanks to your critics

To learn something, get an assessment, we have to go to more experienced people and pay for it. And then everything is free - listen to criticism, take advantage of it and cultivate. It is not necessary to join the controversy, especially if the words of the instruction gives an experienced person whose attention to your person is expensive. Listen and listen to each phrase, the word, letter, interjections.

The best criticism is rude. It is not necessary to immediately indignant written, but there is some truth in it. We do not say that they are correct. Simply because of rudeness, insults to our actions, make us wiser, stronger. After all, it is difficult to respond to every unpleasant word.

What we do in such cases - we proclaim, try not to get involved in the dispute. So our character is raised. Yes, and what to smell, and after such words we can once again see our creation, reconsider our activities, personal life. And suddenly the one who grossly responded is really right?! This is a free, convenient and very stimulating simulator of our Ego, creating motivation to work, live, go better.

So whatever criticism is rough, kind, fair or unfair - from any benefit. Even your enemies, confident in what makes you feel bad, do not understand what they have an invaluable service for you!

Explore the whole volume of criticism

Do not forget that often criticism is a subjective opinion. And before sprinkling the head ashes, get upset, disappear, learn other opinions about your action. It does not matter what the evaluation is given. As a last resort, having heard or reading the negativity to his address from a certain person, talk to others, discuss this topic.

Most likely, you initially stumbled upon those who simply can not not be offended, not to upset another person. And if it is a constructive opinion and support it and those whom you have requested to raise an assessment, perceive as good. Improve.

And yet, we are very sensitive to this kind of criticism. And this is despite the fact that thousands of readers are enthusiastic. But it is worth the one negative reviewHow we all fall out of the hands, and we are upset. Do not worry so much - how many people, so many opinions.

No need to join the disputes that will not lead

Turgenev has a great expression: "Sorrect with smart - you'll get a mind, argue with equal me to yourself - share knowledge, argue with a fool - I wouldn't have to do!". I like everything except the last phrase. Yet with fools, it makes no sense to argue - why spend your time and nerves on them. Perhaps if Ivan Sergeevich knew that today, people have lost a sense of tact and moderate decency, he would have removed the last position.

No need to argue, do not pay attention to critics, which only know that it is worthwhile, but nothing in response. In such people, the truth is not needed, only a shakkish is needed, conflict, negative. And for you, this is what prevents moving on and improving.

It is worth understanding that it is not always possible to silence in response to stupid critain. Suppose you are in the company and someone, the point is trying to evaluate your actions. There will have to answer, and wisely. Ask a question that will put this "appraiser" in a dead end. Let him look silly, and not you!

Do not always react to criticism

Yes, we have already talked about the fact that the assessment of another person is most often useful to listen. And what to do, if you are open in your face, they humiliate, insult? Nowadays, to great regret, people behave often too unfortunately, especially young people are inclined to Ham's behavior. How to react, answer or not?

It all depends on the situation itself. If you want to insult with people - you need to keep a blow and "beautifully" reply. Listen or read insults in social network - Do not even think to answer you troll. Stop chatting and throwing a cham from the list of contacts, block it!

How to answer the criticism of appearance

It's one thing, if you put marks for your work, actions. But what if a person criticizes the appearance? Is it possible to allow this and delete?

1. Do not be so emotional and do not need all words addressed to your appearance to take too close to heart. There are about 7 billion people on this land, and as many opinions. Strongly do not listen to those who are trying to criticize your clothes and imposes their taste. Think how you belong to you who you love. Does he love you? Does the compliments make? That's what you need to pay attention. In addition, to humiliate you, therefore, maybe that (TA), who envies you. In any case, you can ask the opinion of those who really trust.
2. Did you be an assessment in a very rough and ugly tone? Do not listen and go on. As the saying goes: "The dog is barking - the caravan is coming!". Be smarter and do not look back around. Is that throwing finally: "Fu, like ugly!", Or "it is necessary, what a browse!". Believe me, such a concise and educated answer will make a fool of who wanted to offend you.
3. Do you rudely pointed to your urgentness? You can, of course, answer the same in Hamski, but is it worth doing this? You can be silent, or reply: "You also never had an attractiveness." And my appearance is quite satisfied with my young man (wife).
4. In the case when you are constantly offended by the same criticism, stop communicating with him and tell me that you are least worried about his opinion.

To understand how to react to non-premium reviews about your appearance, remember the behavior of the television. For them, the criticism of their clothes, make-up, and in general their negative behavior is PR. Thanks to this, they are the main guests of different kind talk show. That is, they continue to be heard. For many of them it the only waySo that spectators remember them. So do not worry, now even a negative assessment is also an assessment.

The main thing is that it is! So, you still pay attention! And sometimes, criticizing your appearance, the person simply does not know how to care, talk compliments, hide his constraint and thus wants to attract attention, look at how he will act further.

Not always the assessment of people pop up from real factors. For example, a person can judge you, according to another person, or he is not familiar with your activities, behavior. Also, the criticism of a person is his personal opinion about you, and not your problem.

In any case, do not neglect it, listen, and if necessary, use. And if you have a resentment, bitterness - do not give in to this and other negative emotions. It is important to understand that we should not allow you to control your feelings by another person. Let the critics are indignant, silent and annoying that we did not be a victim of their assessment, but were able to wisely apply it or not pay attention. After all, the view that made up about your person is formed in the head of specific people. And they are not able to influence the opinion of the public, especially on the opinion of your loved ones.

Let them think they want. Let's not hide the truth - we are also not without sin. How do we like to raise an assessment to all who know .. The human essence is such that she simply needs to talk about the shortcomings. Who becomes a conversation object? We ourselves? Of course not. We will find a "sacrifice" whose bones of which "promotion" with great pleasure. Oh, how she drops there! " But nothing, despite our criticism, our "victim" is alive and healthy! The same with us. Let us judge, put unfair assessments. The main thing is that this process does not affect our life, and everything else is not important!

So far.
Sincerely, Vyacheslav.

Criticism is an integral part of our life. We are criticized at home, at work, at study, almost everywhere. And some people are so painful to this react that they lose confidence. And how to learn to "keep your face" and perceive criticism adequately?

What is the criticism?

To begin with, you should list the types of criticism:

• Absolutely unjust. It is insults, calling or generalized phrases like "What is this disgrace?" Or "what do you allow yourself?" Such a criticism does not have any grounds and, as a rule, it is based on a personal biased opinion of the criticizing or on its negative attitude towards that the accusations are collapsed in whose address.
• Partially fair. It most often affects some kind of character traits, habits, behavior, human features. The share of truth in comments may be, but it is still impossible to fulfill with them.
• Fair criticism. Everything is clear here. Criticizing indicates some particular act or justifies its remark.

What can I do?

First list some of the most common mistakes in the reaction to criticism:

1. Silence. It is not worth silent. First, you will look ridiculous and sorry. Secondly, the criticizing might think that you just have nothing to say, and will consider yourself right. Thirdly, some silence is very annoying and angry, so a person can try to bring you to the conflict.
2. Excuse. Some, hanging, begin to justify. So do not do it either. The excuse, firstly, no one needs and uninteresting, so that their criticizing will hardly want to listen. Secondly, you will automatically take the lowest position and will look like a child whom parents are punished for pranks. You absolutely do not need it.
3. Counterattack. Best defense - This is an attack, but criticism is not the case. Do not attempt to blame the criticizing in response, it will not give you absolutely nothing, but the opponent will certainly want to answer your accusations that it can provoke a conflict. If you need it, then, in principle, you can choose this method of reaction. But in this case, you must be absolutely confident that in this conflict will be able to lead weighty arguments in your favor and eventually win the criticism. Otherwise, this option is not yours.

How to react to unfair criticism?

If you hear absolutely unreasonable and unjustified comments to your address, you can select one of the following options:

• Just agree with everything. It simply discourages the opponent and he most likely will be lagging behind you. If you just need it, do this way. You can also add a pretty friendly smile, she "will achieve" opponent. But if you want to protect your honor and dignity, then such a tactic will not be appropriate.
• You can say something like "This is your opinion, and others think otherwise. And my opinion is different from yours. " Good and discouraging option. But the opponent can try to take a defensive position or justify his comments, be ready for it.
• Ask a criticizing to bring concrete facts and confirm that you do something wrong. If the criticizing nothing answers, then the conversation end, if any answer is, go to the next item.
• Clarifications, clarification. Ask the opponent about what he does not like and why. Find out what does not like most. Also specify why the criticizing so thinks. In general, literally conduct an investigation. As a rule, such aspirations lead to the end of the conversation.
• And you can ask this question: "What don't you like?". If the criticizing just wants to speak, he will immediately do it and the conversation will end.

How to react to partially fair criticism?

How to react to criticism, if at least part of it justified? Here are some options:

• If you do not want to agree with any part of the accusations, then say something like: "Yes, some think" or "This is your opinion, you have the right to count." Most likely criticizing calm down.
• You can do the following: with fair comments agree, and the rest will simply miss the ears. The opponent is unlikely to want to continue the conversation.
• And you can try to wrap the criticized drawback, but this requires certain intellectual abilities and the speed of the reaction.

How to react to just criticism?

If the remark was justified and fair, then the only and correct option is to simply agree with criticism. It should not apologize or justify, but it can be said that all comments will be taken into account, and errors are corrected. It will fully satisfy the criticizing and characterizes you from the best side.

What if you criticize your appearance?

What if you criticize your appearance?

• First of all, do not take everything close to heart. How many people, so many opinions. If you have a second half, then think about what you love, which means that your appearance in any case someone likes.
• If the remark was too rude or offensive, do not try to attack in response. You will spoil yourself the mood for the rest of the day. You can say something like "How are you rude and not strong!" Or "probably you have a very bad mood, or you got up with that legs."
• You can be rude to rudeness, but you do not need it. But gently point to the lack of an opponent, if you want to calm yourself. For example, say this: "I also do not consider you an attractive, what now?".
• You can simply say that you are completely satisfied with the many others.
• And some comments can serve as an incentive to improve themselves and their body.
• If you have to communicate with Grabian often, and you want to prevent his further similar liberties, then you can say that his opinion does not interest you and will be better if he will continue to keep it with him.

Fundamental moments

Some important moments Reactions to criticism, which you need to remember:

1. Do not respond to provocative or rhetorical questions like "When will it end?" Or "How are you going to come on?".
2. Your tone during the conversation should be calm and sure. Do not shout, do not mumble.
3. Phrases should be black and short. No "yes, but ...." and other things. Everything in the case and short.

Several tips to those who want to learn to adequately respond to criticism in their address:

1. If the criticizing just wants to call you and offend, it is better not to react in any way, but turn around and leave or stop any communication.
2. If you feel that we are about to explode, then go to another room, if there is such an opportunity, and calm down, raise, get drunk. And then come back and continue the conversation.
3. It makes sense to listen to criticism and work on errors. The comments sometimes are very useful and help us see what you have not noticed before.
4. Do not take everything close to the heart and do not spoil yourself.

React to criticism correctly, and it will not poison your life.

We communicate with the most different people in the most different situations. It is no secret that, at the same time, criticism, comments, insults occur very often. In business communication, the ability to react to criticism is a professionally important quality that allows you to achieve success and move up the career staircase.

Our weaknesses are no longer harmful to us,

when we know them.

Lichtenberg

Irregular reaction to criticism

1. Exchange . In response to criticism, a person begins to say that he is not guilty that he is good that the remark is unfair. Moves numerous arguments in their defense. "Why is it misinterpreted by mistaken? "- you ask.

First, because, justifying, we occupy a humiliated (akin to the children) position. Secondly, our excuses most often do not need anyone, they do not want to listen. If a person failed you half an hour in the rain, then he is not interested in your explanations of the reasons.

2. Counterattack . "Himself", "" from the same and hear "," And you look at yourself. "

In response to criticism, a person himself shares with criticism. Many immediately recall the saying: "The best defense is an attack." However, the counterattack always provokes a conflict. Well, if you strive for conflict, - attack. Just remember: it is possible to light the conflict when you are sure to handle it when you know and know how to resolve the conflict so that both sides can benefit, go to a new creative level.

3. Silence . A man silently listens to criticism and insults, thinking at the same time: "The Word of Silver, and Silence Gold."

But silence is also an incorrect reaction to criticism. First, silence in response to violent emotions is very annoying some people and, therefore, can lead to a stormy conflict. Secondly, silence when you are insulted, harmful to health. Because without responding, you, as it were, "swallow" an insult and leave it in yourself. It is necessary to at least "discharge" later. In Japan, for example, subordinates are specifically made for this made dolls, imitating chiefs.

Response that allows you to save a good relationship With an opponent and not to drop self-esteem. The ability to react to criticism enhances such an important personality quality as self-confidence. Confidence is the experience of victories. Won victory in the most difficult situations business communication, you are even more convinced of our capabilities.

How to react to criticism correctly? There are three types of critics and, accordingly, three ways of decent response to it.

The first type of critics

(fully unjust)

This type includes:

calling and insults ("Upper", "Sneak", "incompetent", "stupid", etc.);

generalized criticism ("disgrace", "What you allow yourself," "This feature knows what").

A person resorting to insults is usually under the influence of emotions, not a reason. So, first of all, it is necessary to calm it and make you think, and not shout. In other words, we must elect a strategy to understand the reason for its anger and to resolve this situation as soon as possible. We must try calmly and kindly ask the critics a few questions so that he concretizes his comments and moved from emotions to reflections. Experts offer asking the following types.

Clarifying. "What do you mean?" Or "What do you mean by that?". Of course, not always after such a question, an irritated person is able to immediately calm down and formulate his remark clearly and clearly. Continue patiently, calmly and kindly ask other questions until you get the right answer.

Actual. "Please call specific facts?", "Give examples?". If you do not receive a certain wording for these questions, and hear about the following: "Facts of many", "You yourself know who (where, when)", "examples are even debugged," then go to the next type of questions.

Alternative. "You do not like it, or that?". For example: "You do not like, how do I talk to customers, or how do I write reports?". Thus, you help the lover of criticism to formulate specific comments. After that, most likely, he will be able to specifically indicate what is dissatisfied.

Empty. "You do not like how I make reports, how do I talk on the phone and how do I dress? What else don't you like? ". These questions are necessary so that the person will immediately express everything is more dissatisfied, and you have no longer to you. If he adds more comments, then readily take note and their ("You still don't like that I am often late").

This reference method is the most difficult, but the criticism was formulated in the most unfair form. Perhaps your lead questions specified in calm and friendly form will cause surprise and even some irritation of critics. So it should be. This means that he felt your superiority in this situation. He is accustomed to miserable excuses, counterattacks or submissive silence, and you are calmly trying to figure out and take note of fair comments as soon as they hear them.

Attention! Use similar questions only in case of truly unfair criticism.

Second type of critics

(Partially fair)

Critical comments of this type are aimed at assessing your habits, character. These, in particular, include and expressed by the interlocutor subjective opinions (remember that he has the right to think so): "Always you are late (arguing, saying stupidity, etc.)", "You love to make fun on others (sleep, sucking etc.) "Or" you behave badly (you dress up, say, write, etc.) ". It is impossible to fully recognize such remarks, even if there is a share of justice in them.

There are three ways to have a decent response to partially fair criticism.

First - Method "Cake". It means: bite a piece, and the rest let him fly further. In other words, recognize only a fair part of criticism, but do not react to the rest. Start your answer be sure to "yes." Always, recognizing anything, you should first say it magic wordTo reassure the interlocutor, to arrange it to himself and demonstrate your confidence. To comment: "Always you are late", a worthy answer will be: "Yes, today I was late."

Second The method apply in cases where they do not even agree with part of criticism. For example, they say: "You have bad manners" or "you are badly dressing." And you think that manners are correct and dress you well. Think of you as you like - the right of your interlocutor. Start again with the approval: "Yes, you have the right to think so," "Yes, not everyone likes my manners."

The third The method of decent response to partially fair criticism is the ability to draw criticism into dignity. Answer Start with "Yes": "You love to chat" - "Yes, I am a human society" "; "" You always argue with me "-" Yes, in a conversation with you manage to truth. "

Third type of critics

(Fully fair)

You point to your words or misconduct, that is, they say that you have incorrectly told or done. Immediately admit it: "Yes, you are right" or "Yes, it's true, I'm sorry." Many are added: "Sorry me." We do not advise apologize often if there is no particular need. Apologizing person does not look confident.

There are more complex situations. Imagine that all three types of criticism applied to you simultaneously. For example: "You are a bad worker. You can't charge anything. Always you are late. Today I was late for twenty minutes. So it is impossible to treat work. " Psychologists consider if you presented all the claims at once, rejoice. Resolved correctly, you most likely finish a unpleasant conversation. Remember the essence of the method - agree with the fact that it is true. Therefore, the best answer is: "Yes, I was late today." It is unlikely that the Tirad will want to repeat first. The criticizing will only say: "You agreed with what is fully fair."

Remember the three rules, Which must be followed when answering any type of criticism.

A response phrase should be brief. About words five. Should not say "yes, but ...", since "but" means "no" and causes new wave Critics. We need brevity in order not to give an opponent a new reason for comments so that he cannot "catch" for your words.

We should not immediately respond to rhetorical questions: "What do you allow yourself?", "What did you get to?", "How many times have you repeated?". On them, by definition, there can be no answer. Critic triumphantly drills you with my eyes and is waiting for the reaction. Quietly and friendly ask him: "Does it really interest you?". It was established that about 70% of cases he will say "no", feeling the incorrectness of his rhetorical issue. So you should not answer him. But if you say yes, interested in, "then it should be briefly answered by the meaning of the question.

Highly important aspectwhich we went around attention to how to react to criticism is not externally, but internally. Of course, listening to critical comments, they are valid or not, each of us is experiencing not quite pleasant emotions. After all, anyone wants to be considered good, smart, capable, beautiful. But emotions with emotions, however, as they say, "no smoke without fire." Therefore, when an unpleasant conversation is completed, take time and think what you were wrong, where they made a mistake.

If the criticism was fully fair, analyze the situation from beginning to end, find possible behavioral options for ourselves, remember that it was probably the discontent of your interlocutor to prevent this in the future.

In order to be successful, a little learning correctly and adequately respond to criticism. It is very important to be able to express our discontent, criticize - right and structurally. Consider several important moments, weighing which you can in the most difficult, potentially conflict situations Be at the height.

Moment 1. If you feel the need to talk about the problem, it is important to answer your questions about the goals, results, means and possible methods of solving it. The main line in preparing a problem conversation is to ensure that the opponent takes your position. Remember the rules that will allow you to talk constructively.

Collect and analyze information about the problem situation.

Build a conversation Observing the following sequence of information feeding:

a message containing positive information about the interlocutor or its work;

critical message;

message of commendable character (used only if you are firmly sure that you can really teach something interlocutor, to offer him the best way behavior).

Be specific And avoid ambiguities, for example, revolutions like: "You did not do what you need," "You did not fulfill the task", etc.

Criticize a deed, not a person.

These rules help create a positive emotional background, which will make a unpleasant part of the conversation constructively, without causing unnecessary hostility from your interlocutor, without causing him to occupy a defensive position.

Moment 2. In the process of a conversation containing criticism, mutual understanding is very important.

The message can be encoded using a variety of different words and phrases. Here is help will come Synonymy is the use of different words and phrases for a message of almost the same information.

For example, the content of the statement "You're late" can be conveyed using expressions: "You came late" and "You did not come on time." Obviously, the choice of expressions affects understanding and can cause an unwanted reaction. Compare the following pairs of synonyms that clearly demonstrate neutral or positive attitude Speaking, on the one hand, and negative, on the other: Especially - the soul; Traditional - old-fashioned; Extravert - miscongnience; Current - cowardly; progressive - radical; Information - propaganda; Eccentric - persistent; low - short.

Moment 3. Frank, constructive-critical atmosphere of the conversation contradict:

After listening to the message, it should be borne in mind that fundamentally new ideas that do not fit in already existing logic schemes or submissions cause a certain emotional protest. Therefore, do not reject them from the go. Time is needed to think about new information, pick up logical arguments for its refutation or confirmation. Do not contradict immediately, because of this you can not hear the arguments of the interlocutor in favor of the consideration of the consideration, - and they may be quite good.

Practically do not be convinced by people who experience a sense of uselessness, loneliness, alienation, anxiety aggressive, poorly enduring difficult situations.

We are all criticized, and all are objects for criticism. It is important that in the first, and in the second case our behavior was decent and constructive. Let's learn to do beautifully and reasonably. It is also worth thinking about what: how generously and with pleasure we distribute comments and instructions, and how the stupid we are on praise and approval.

Ask him to express, if possible, all the claims available to you; Find out what exactly so terrible you did. In this case, the hot-tempered critic is lost, because it expects a completely reaction from you. Questions help stop obeying emotions and more rational. Thus, you can go to the constructive dialogue.

Do not ignore. In this case, the silence is not gold. First, you copy negative emotions, which then can spill on your loved ones. Secondly, such tactics of non-resistance is often annoying the conflict instigator, so it is ineffective to apply in practice.

Do not succumb to provocations and do not justify. People do not like excuses. And if you are justified, recognize your guilt (which is possible and no) and humiliate yourself. It is better to save your dignity, convincingly and politely proving your position.

Recognize only the part of the criticism with which you agree, and do not pay attention to the rest. Forget about the use in the conflict "no" because it is a detonator even more conflict. Agreeing with the opponent, you will demonstrate self-confidence and calm the interlocutor.

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note

In the thread of criticism, your opponent can ask you a large number of rhetorical issuesOf course, without hoping to hear the answer. Change the behavior template given to them and respond to a similar question. For example, to see the "What are you doing?", Answer in a delicate tone "Do you seriously need to know?" In the case of an affirmative response, the probability of which is located in the region of 20-30%, is politely and briefly replied. So you disappear enemy with non-standard behavior and you can take control of the situation.

Helpful advice

Never rude, even in response to the most unfair criticism. Politeness and self-esteem - arguments that are stronger than vulgar words and inadequate actions. And if the comments made to you were fair, analyze them at your leisure and benefit for yourself.

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• methods of reaction to criticism in 2019

Tip 2: How to learn how to react to criticism in 2019

It is correct to perceive criticism - it means to look for a constructive component in it and use the obtained information for self-improvement. Work on yourself in order to react to comments around.

Instruction

Do not justify in response to a critical remark. If the appeal to you is constructive and essentially fair, find the courage to recognize your own errors. When another person undoubtedly criticizes you, your arguments still will not help to correct the situation, but maybe even aggravate it. No need to shake the air. Consciousness of their own right is quite enough.

In response to unfair criticism, it is important to keep calm. Understand the situation, check with the individual, which is not suitable in your behavior. Learn to keep a dialogue so that the offender understand the absurdity of his accusations. For this, it is necessary to move from emotions to logical thinking and sound reasoning. If you are right, the accusations of the opponent will be broken in the fluff and dust.

Hello to distinguish a fair part of the comment from unreasonable charges. With the first you can agree, and the second is not necessary. Moreover, to start better with what you agree with the interlocutor. So you set it up on a constructive dialogue, and you will be easier to show him what he is mistaken.

Remember, the aggression in response to criticism will not lead to anything good, especially if the remark is true. Please note the opinions of others and try to adjust your own behavior. Do not close your eyes on obvious things. If in the depths of the soul you at least agree with the words of the individual, accept them. Sometimes the errors and shortcomings of other people are better from the side. Use the information obtained to determine the zone of the future personal growth.

Take the right to exist the point of view of another individual. Some people believe that only they are always right. Do not like them. There is no one recognized proper scheme behavior. If a person thinks about you not too well, he should have personal motives for this. With this approach, you can benefit from any criticism - fair and not very.

Most difficult to choose proper reaction For criticism received from loved ones. If the opinion of acquaintances, colleagues or foreign people may not take to heart, accusations of relatives and loved ones hurt him. Always need to understand why close person I thought about you so. Even if the criticism is highly unjust, this is a signal that something went wrong in your relationship. Think why a person doubts you or suspects something. It may very much that it is not about you, but in the personal problems of a person's relatives of you. In this case, you need to understand what exactly, and help him.

Keep in mind, criticism should not affect your self-esteem. You can accept or not accept it, but it is impossible to change an opinion about yourself for the worse because of someone else's comment. In a conversation with criticizing, keep calm and goodwill. So you grow up in it, and in your own eyes. Do not lose your dignity feeling.

Tip 3: How to distinguish constructive criticism from destructive

Very often, the comments of a negative nature kill faith in themselves. But criticism can be both constructive, from which it is possible to make a lot of benefit and destructive, on which you can safely not pay any attention.

Constructive criticism It is always aimed at you to avoid such mistakes in the future. Even if the critic does not agree with you, he wants you to help, pointing out that really existing errors in your work that you can work with. During the expression of his opinion, the critic should not insist that this is the only possible truth. It only offers solutions to solving the problem, and does not solve it independently. In this case, the problem is always clearly indicated, and all its positions are argued in detail. In addition, the criticizing is desirable to specify positive moments Works, as required elementary rules of constructive criticism.

Destructive criticsAs a rule, it is offensive. She is not aimed at improving the existing situation, it only gives rise to a whole storm for an estimated person negative emotions. Very often the goal destructive critics Is manipulating the interlocutor. In order to turn the situation with a favorable way to him, the critic indicates uncomfortable moments in the opponent's work. It is important to always analyze the motivation of the criticism to understand how much of his words can be constructive. Sometimes offensive criticism demonstrates the feeling of envy or insecurity. To humiliate the object envy and seem on his background more wise manThe critic goes to personality, clings to the trifles and does not reinforce their comments by confirming arguments.

Remember that the definition of the type of criticism plays a very important role in creating the future action plan. Sometimes criticism can be your good assistant on the way to the rapid achievement of the goal.

Especially a lot of criticism falls on those who do not do as they used to see society. If you have some innovative thoughts and decisions, then be prepared for the fact that the society will begin to condemn you, criticize, try to "fit" and send to the right track. Someone begins to respond to criticism of aggression, someone just ignores. But those and others do not correctly. Criticia should be able to use, because this is a free source of knowledge and the ability to correct yourself.
Large companies, launching some new project, even pay for criticism. Special focus of the group is hired, the purpose of which to give an assessment, criticize certain aspects, indicate the minuses and disadvantages. Imagine that you all get it free. Believe me, criticism is great, it's good, it is necessary for you to grow as personally, as a businessman, like a person.

Today we will give 7 tips, tell me how to react to criticism how to get a maximum of what you hear from others. If you carefully read each Council and learn them to use in life, then believe me, after a while, notice the cardinal changes.

1. What can I learn?
If you are criticized in your side, then first of all ask yourself a question: "What can I learn? What can I take out of these words. " As a rule, in criticism there is a rational grain. In an empty place, a person will not blame you in something, it will not be criticized just like that. So he sees something that you are not able to notice.
Of course, very often our ego is angry, he is hard to take criticism. We think: "What does he know, what does it come for me? I and so everything is fine. " But if there is a "bell", it means not everything is so good. Of course, 90% of criticism is unfounded, and is based only on a subjective assessment of a person. But, as stated above, the rational grain in it is. And if you got to your side criticism, then try to take it calmly, analyze, think. And perhaps a person pointed to a flaw, correcting which you will become at times better.

2. Select comments from critical tone
Many may say: "Yes, what I can make lessons, if you scream on me, criticize, do some unfounded conclusions." But it often happens that we do not see valuable comments for an increased tone.
When a person begins to shout, criticize, blame, we become in the position of protection, and all his words automatically seem false and such that is aimed at our humiliation. Again, not everything is so bad as you imagine. Hello allocate comments from screams. At first it will be done not easy, but after try everything to analyze.
How do I do. Even if there is a swing, a person shouts something, reproaches, criticizes, then I do everything. There will be nothing to analyze anything on emotions, but after a couple of hours, when calming down and go away a little, then it's time to start evaluating. Sit, remember everything you have told, without judgment and unnecessary speculations, try to analyze all criticism. Be honest in front of yourself and do not defend. It was then that you can allocate useful comments from thousands of said words.

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3. Appreciate criticism
Usually we appreciate only good words. If people are praised, we are satisfied, we answer them the same, we appreciate these words, because we consider it right. And on criticism I answer the negative, aggression, because we think that this is not attentively and does not apply to us.
But what if I tell you what you need to do completely differently. Praise - this is good, but you do not need to appreciate it, to give a lot of attention to flattering. Criticism - this is unacted, sharp, cold truth. If a person criticizes you, then you do not need to get up in a pose and try to give him even more criticism in response. It is better to perceive such a person as a teacher as a mentor who points free to you to fix what to pay attention to what to work on.
If you want to develop, grow, achieve the goals set, then you need to learn to take constructive criticism, draw out the conclusions from it. Speak thank you to people who are constructively criticized, be grateful for their assessment and an indispensable life lesson.

4. Do not perceive everything to your account
One of the biggest problems that are related to criticism is that people all perceive at their own expense. If I say that I did not like the apple pie, which was preparing my mother, then this does not mean that I criticized her, her ability, her ability to cook. Just B. this moment I did not like him. Perhaps the whole family will be delighted, but I am not. Well, I am a personality, and I also have the right to my own opinion. Of course, you can specify my mother that I didn't like it, and it will be a constructive criticism based on a personal judgment of the cake.
So most people. When they criticize them, they say only about one aspect of their lives, they are recencing with all their Ya. But if I say that you are proud or envious, it does not mean at all that you are always like that, and that pride and envy is yours True me. These are only emotions that will be held with which you need to work. And you are much more than any temporary negative traits of character.

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5. ignore false criticism
It happens that we are criticized, well, how to say it correctly, just so, without thorough, just to push or offend. Such criticism hurts very much. But, in fact, it is much easier to work with it than with reasonable. The only thing you need to learn is not to pay attention to such criticism. Just ignore it, perceive such words with a smile, understand that they do not have any relationship to you.
False criticism is like Pekingese, who throws on the shepherd, and immediately runs away behind the back of the hostess. And what does shepherd do? That's right, it is disciplined sitting and does not even pay attention to a small pose.
The more you will be responsible for unreasonable criticismThe more you will be defended and try to fool yourself, the more problems it will bring. Do not feed the critics, do not let him be approved in the correctness of his words and thoughts. Silence, ignoring, and a light smile - here is your reaction to a stupid criticism.

6. Do not respond immediately
As a rule, criticism, justified, or not, causes us a resentment and a feeling of anger. We stop soberly thinking, the top take emotions that are simply excavated. If you answer "offender" in such a state, then you only aggravate the situation. It was like that they were talking on the emotions, and then they spoiled about what was said. I am sure that many have had such situations. Therefore, before you do something, I'll think about it in an hour, think, and whether it is necessary. Better quietly and calmly listen to everything, will back the volcano inside yourself, take emotions, and after a while, analyze all the above, your thoughts on this, and the main emotion. Why do they arise what hurts you? It is very important to look for the source of its negative emotions and work on it.

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7. Smile
Smile, without sarcasm and ridicule, helps in many difficult situations. When we see that a person smiles, that he radiates a positive and good mood, then we ourselves are starting to tune in to a similar wave. Therefore, if your interlocutor entered the courage, shouts and criticizes you, just smile, say exactly, calmly, on low colors. This will reduce the opposition of the interlocutor, translate the conversation into a calmer bed.