Fighting with reproaches: how to respond to unreasonable criticism in your address. Tips of psychologists, how to react to criticism, criticism, demand, conversation

"I don't touch me at all that they write critics.
I know that in the depths of the soul they love my work,
But it is afraid to confess. "

(Salvador Dali)

Happiness to live among people is fraught with the fact that we are constantly evaluated. Critique is regularly subjected to homeless, and Elizabeth II. On the one hand, such signs are worth rejoice - the higher the person rises, the more not only admirers and friends appear, but also critics. But criticism has and back side - Sometimes she plunges into despair, makes doubt in his abilities and in general in the sense of existence itself.

Perhaps even Buddha would boil from permanent soldier. However, stories about the founder of Buddhism convince us in its indulgence even to Yarym Neiffan.

The average student has hardly reached Nirvana. But for adequate perception, criticism does not need to sit 20 years in the lotus position, contemplating emptiness. It is enough to soberly think and understand the types of evaluation from the side.

Types of critics

The first reaction to criticism can be a strong emotional splash - from light perturbation to sobs in the pillow and call the heater to the intellectual duel. If you plan to get a reputation as a scandalous or hysterical - you need to instantly turn into an angry fury and splash out on opponent sulfur streams and firewood lava.

We hope, however, that you have other priorities and ideals, and you decide to save a rascal life. Taking control of the volcano passions, it is necessary to determine the type of criticism.

So, do ten deep breaths, exhale ... Criticism can be:

- constructive and useful;
- destructive and mostly empty;
- personal opponent's personal relationship;
- constructed by the feedback method.

I want to start with something pleasant, so we consider constructive criticism.

Constructive criticism

Constructive criticism is different:

The presence of clear and clear evaluation criteria;
- objectivity;
- examples and argument;
- taking into account parts and nuances;
- a respectful attitude to the interlocutor.

The positive side of such criticism is that it helps you become better. If a competent person pointed to the shortcomings in your Magnum Opus, expressed his point of view and argued it, then it only shakes dust from the exhausted routine of the student's brain. And if at the same time the critic has also noted some positive moments Works, then the author appears a reason for covered pride. Opponent in this case can no longer be considered a bastard.

After constructive criticism, a person does not feel like a hedgehog in the fog, he clearly understands what exactly the opponent wanted to say and what details did not pay attention to. Important: In order to be a constructive critic, it is necessary to be competent in a particular area. For example, only a person who is well versed in this genre may indicate.

Destructive critics

"Some people were born only to find fault:
In Achilles, they see only his fifth. "

(Maria von Ebner-Eschenbach)

If constructive criticism makes clarity, then destructive, on the contrary, allows the poor Creator to feel like an unrecognized genius or complete stability. It all depends on the self-esteem of the Creator, the head of the criticism and the presence / absence of a support group for both opponents.

Such criticism:

Foggy and mysterious;
- often does not apply to the case;
- non-indemnified;
- built on stereotypes and cooked judgments;
- Sometimes rude and tactless.

Destructive criticism is possible at work when you criticize the customer. It is from the clients that you can hear a lot of interesting things. After all, they are more often not professionals what they are judged.

Ask the opponent to argue the position. The critic says that in the assessment is guided only by his subtle light, and at the same time he is not an expert in his region? Congratulations! You were given a cheap review, because such a kind of criticism is the most casting goods. The only one proper reaction On such deposits - ignore. If you wish, you can argue criticism in place. It is clearly not worth worrying here.

Captures

If you have a bad karma, then constructive critics will bypass your work side. Fate will not give you a chance to get from them valuable recommendations. Destructive critics In this scenario will get the second roles. Captures and personal attacks have nothing to do with what you are doing - relax. You just want to bring you to a crazy house with flashers.

If your future does not depend on the attacks of the evil troll (study, career, reputation), then it is easy to cope with it. there is magic word "Ignore", which immediately restores the harmony in the personal space. In more serious cases, it makes sense to search alternative methods protection. When Tyran is a boss, it's easier to find another job.

Feedback

Classic example feedback - work with the supervisor over the course or thesis project or comments of the immediate boss. You make a job (write coursework), show the boss or leader, it evaluates and gives recommendations to improve.

Feedback does not have negative connotations that they are attributed to ignorance. It is rather positive and helps to develop. It is desirable that such "criticism" is more.

Should I criticize someone yourself? Only on duty or when they ask, and at the same time you need to remember a simple rule: praise in public, criticize alone.

Today we consider 3 possible reactions to criticism. Two negatively affects you and the relationship, but the third is based on self-esteem.

3 reactions to criticism of people.

We are talking about your emotional, mental and behantic reaction On criticism, as a rule, one of the 3 reactions is typical of you.

Depending on how you see a certain situation, you can experience sadness, indignation or contentment.

And, as a result, your behavior and result from it will respectively vary.

Life position and reaction to criticism.

Depending on your reaction to criticism, it will vary from "I am bad" and "you are bad" to "I-good, you are good."

Suppose the boss expressed you a critical remark in the form of discontent with your work.

You have a choice of 3 types of reaction:

1. "I'm bad."

Thought: "I'm all worthless. I all right all the time. "

Feelings: "sadness, fear, anxiety."

Behavior: "Isolation, stretching, inactivity".

Result: "You lie in bed, avoid work and humiliate, scold yourself. You are delayed deeper and deeper into the wing sands of depression. "

2. "Head of Bad".

Thought: "What kind of nasty type, again sat on my neck."

Feelings: "Anger, aggression, confusion."

Behavior: "hanging labels, gossip about the boss."

Result: "You are constantly hot, assuring yourself and others about the original chief, and the whole world. You scold yourself that I haven't studied anything again, only destroyed relations with the boss. "

3. "I am good, the boss is good."

Thought: "This is a chance to learn new and learn something."

Feelings: "Protection, self-confidence."

Behavior: "Dialogue. The question of the chief is not so calm voice. "

Result: "You figured out the problem and found a solution. You have experienced self-esteem and lifting mood. Your boss is pleased with you and how you reacted to his comments. "

How do you react to criticism?

Depression?

Aggression?

Self-esteem?

Write in the comments, what is your familiar reaction to comments and criticism of people meaningful to you?

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"Sorry, but the dress of this color categorically does not go." "Is it possible to listen to your advice?! You always say some kind of nonsense! " "And that only he found it ..." "Work on the Troychka" so it happened that in our society I was accustomed to pay more attention to negative than positive sides Personality - notice the shortcomings of others much easier than pleasant qualities or happy opportunities.

No one loves criticism in his address, as if it would be delicately, she did not sound. Development social networks And the trolling phenomenon only aggravated the situation - to express its "fi" or to arrange a real injury in the network it became much easier.

No matter how much we are convinced of you in the opposite, everyone knows that any comments - relative to appearance, work, behavior, and even culinary abilities - are reflected on our emotional health and self-esteem. So why not learn how to give ubiquitous critics correctly rebuffing? This will help keep self-confidence and prove that you are not fought for a provocation, able to make the right conclusions and can confidently move forward. No offense, complexes or disappointments.

What can not do if you are criticized?

1. Fully deny, avoid or ignore the comment of another person. In other words, it seems that nothing happened or "change the topic". The disadvantage of the situation, as a rule, guarantees even more unsolved problems in the future, the risk return to the same "closed topic" later and accumulate negative emotions.

2. The most common reaction to criticism is not just a resentment, but a rather aggressive response. What, on objective reasons, is not the best tactic.

3. Another form of rejection of criticism of other people is excluding what happened. Most often, it is even more annoying - another person decides: you ignore his point of view, without giving her value, or intentionally do not want to ask for forgiveness.

How to react to criticism?

#one. The easiest way to find out what I mean a severe or stinging critic is to ask him about it. Boldly ask questions! What exactly do you dislike? Why do you think I should not do it? What I said is offended? Why do you say that? Thus, you will have a better idea of \u200b\u200bthe complaints and the reasons for the displeasure of the other. It often turns out that the criticism is hidden strong experiences and resentment, and the remark itself is not the ultimate goal, and the person is really worried about something else. For example, someone can get angry, not the fact that you came for ten minutes later, but the experience that you do not perceive him seriously.

# 2. Drop all emotions and think - is there any one share of truth in criticizing your address? Maybe these are quite design comments? It is difficult to agree with what you do something wrong or your way of life is not the most suitable ... But that's an important step To overcome the situation. Feel the difference: Words were told only to hurt you? Or from them you can learn some benefit? You may have really dressed or behave an inappropriate situation or status, and with your comment another person made a great favor, and you got the opportunity to become better.

#3. Learn to accept the opinion of another person, even if you do not share it. Let you and not change your behavior because they disagree with criticism, but at least acknowledge that there is a different, permissible opinion, and avoid attacks.

#four. If you understand that there are some truth in the comments, and the criticism hears attention - work on yourself. For example: "You are right, I regularly be very late, it seems that it is time to start two alarm clocks to not walitate."

#5. Do not be afraid says the truth and set the borders.. Boldly tell about your feelings - you are unpleasant to hear comments in your address, explain exactly what I hurt you for living and upset. Thus, you will protect yourself from the invalid in the future and designate what communication consider unacceptable.

#6. Critica as a source of human information. Or there is no humus without good. Remind yourself a simple truth - comments to the following more often they say more about the most commentator rather than about a man who criticized. Use your feedback as a source of information about who gave it. Keep calm and you will learn a lot of new people. Note that the one who is used to upset by others, and not to get or support, by itself unhappy man. Do not perceive his words close to heart.

Deconstructive critics

It is worth recognizing, very often the criticism sounds incorrect, and the angry "prosecutor" resorts to humiliation, insults and uses words that exaggerate and distort the reality. In these cases, it is possible to recognize the proportion of truth, but disagree with bloated facts. For example: "You forgot to pick up the package. You always spoil all! " "It's true that I forgot him, but there are many things that I do fine!" Thus, you confess in misdeed, but do not underestimate self-esteem.

Each person becomes the object of criticism at least once in life. But she is useful or not very - we will try to figure it out. As it turns out - criticizing, few people really want to help. Usually it is an easy and usual method of self-affirmation - the addition of advantages of other people. Moreover, the higher you will take off the career and other stairs, the criticism of your address will be all sophisticated and evil. How to deal with criticism? Avoid the flow of "valuable" comments to your address will not work, do not even try. Therefore, once there are already critics not to be able to change its attitude towards it.

How to deal with criticism - change the relationship

Relationship change T. aK: First, think - who is most often criticized? He who is in love, right? And why this man in sight? Because he does something, develops, tries, trying, manifests activity. Therefore, if you have achieved at least a little success, you will be criticized. And this accurate sign What you go faithful ways. In addition, 95% of all caustic comments on your address is a banal envy, non-constructive criticism, that is, it is not necessary to pay attention to it.
If the criticism is useful, it can immediately be distinguished by the simple reason that I want to listen to such comments. And the unconstructive causes only retaliation and aggression.

People criticizing without sincere desire to improve and improve the subject of criticism, you can speak from the soul.

Often, non-constructive criticism is served under the "right" sauce, that is, disguised as a constructive. Nevertheless, it also blows a hidden aggression. So, whatever beneresselners do you feel like as the right and useful things, if
And you have a mood from these tips and self-esteem falls - this is a "bad" criticism, the one that needs to be ignored.

We work on emotions

React to criticism interfere with emotions. It happens, they work much faster than the mind knows all the absurdity of critical comments in their address. Therefore, it is important to the Aprhance
time philosophical attitude to life. Even a small amount of logic and common sense will help you to stand in everyday storms, including it is impossible not to focus on critical comments. Many psychologists and esotericians argue that anyone with whom you intersect in life is omitted. He must give you something, some lesson. Think about it. And there is another theory that the world is a mirror. How do you look at him, you get the answer. We look into the world with good and positive - and in response the same goes. And vice versa - you express aggression and negative - and the corresponding reflection of the mirror will not slow down to appear - you get any of the troubles and problems on your own expense, including hurt criticism. Why do good others so helpful

When is the criticism?

Of course, criticism is also useful. Often, a person really wants to help - Mom, for example, just for some reason else from her words to his address becomes a shame. And after all, then you know for sure that you did not want anything wrong. But often the closest people like no one can touch for living. And this is good - if something hurt you, it means that you need to work on these areas - until it stops.
By the way, it is fair criticism that is the most offensive. When you also know about the presence of this lack of you, and even try to deal with him. And you all indicate and pay attention. In this case, breathe deeply and tell me - yes, I know, work on it. And enough.

How to react?

If you hear only praise to your address, and you pass criticism past the ears - this is also not a completely sound approach.

And praise, and criticism - two sides of one medal.

The attitude of both to that and the other should be calm.
After all, the criticism cannot damage you. You do not take your hands-legs, you will not disappear, the money will not disappear, do not turn away. And if anything can not damage - then why do you need to react to it?
It is also important to understand that people in principle do not tend little to think about other people. Hardly the one who criticizes you, thinks about your shortcomings and nights. All people are our nature - think about themselves. Only. Always. Therefore, the criticizing, by means of indicating you for some imaginary or real drawbacks, most likely solves its own internal problems. And why do you need to participate in this? If it is his problems - let them decide and decide.
Important moments:

• Constructive criticism for the benefit of always.
• Full ignoring any criticism is not different, as your development and personal growth stops.
• Pay attention to the meaning of what is said to you, and not on the motives of a person who has expressed critical comments. If there is a rational grain - you should really work on yourself, let it criticize even in the company with the first husband of your present wife.

To separate the useful criticism to your address from harmful, experience and practice is required. Over time, having received enough critical comments, you quickly learn to separate the grain from the spoiled, and the response will cause the criticism only in you.