Marriage for calculating - the lot of poor women. Whether marriage is possible for the calculation among Christians

Well, you can live with an unloved (unloved). Sharing with such a person all joys and adversity, pretend that he is not indifferent, to hypocrite, lie and pretend. No no and one more time no! - It's so tell you. And in life everything is different.
Those times have long passed when the fate of children was 100% solved by their parents, and got married (married) their children on richer and wealthy, thinking that their children would live in prosperity and were happy. Now the parents moved to the background and the youth themselves find each other and often there are cases, put parents already before the fact of the fact - they say, we are already husband and wife. Well, you see - again tell me - everything is solved by mutual love and consent. And again you will be wrong. Marriages for the calculation flourish and to the present and cause sincere interest, both in men and women. Well, let's try to figure it out.
A man and a woman, making marriage for the calculation, pursue various goals. A woman hopes to marry living in wealth and prosper in anything without refusing to be confident in tomorrow. Men have few other interests. He at the expense of a young and beautiful wife raises self-esteem and, as it seems to him, prestige in society. But the lack of mutual understanding, various views on life, for such a pair, it is often cumming up. Search for ties on the side, treason that cease to be a secret for everyone and, of course, the unreliability of such a person in a difficult moment. That's not all the delights of the collaboration of a couple deciding to create such a union.
What was afraid? No need to scare. Everything is not so gloomy as described in the previous paragraph. According to many psychologists, the marriage of the calculation is often quite stronger than marriage for love, of course, if the spouses take care of each other and the harmony and mutual understanding reigns between them. Studies show that couples created a family for love over time feelings are dulled and gray weekdays begin. Couples created the Union for the calculation, on the contrary, with time the attraction to each other only enhances and develops into real love.
In all likelihood, it happens for the reason that creating an alliance by calculation, people are carefully evaluated both their capabilities and the possibilities of the future half. A completely different approach of young people decided to create a family for love. Love Fog covers all the shortcomings of the future spouse (spouse). Life seems beautiful and there will never be the end. But I dug out Waltz Mendelssohn, begins living togetherThe problems appear and accumulate, conflicts arise and the family decays.
There are several types of marriage by calculation:
1. The financial situation in which one of the parties is interested.
2. Social situation of the future spouse (spouse).
3. Psychological aspect.
4. Moral aspect.
The last two types are caused by or fearful to stay alone, or the desire to have children. And here it is necessary to pay attention to the personal qualities of your chosen one, and the social and financial situation, although they matter, but depart into the background.
At the fastening of the family in marriage for the calculation to a large extent contributes to the unlawful (by the way, it can be a vowel, concluded by a notarized) treaty. For example: Agree with your chosen one, he creates material well-being, and you, in turn, will be a devoteed keeper of a homely hearth. And while you will comply with this agreement, your life will be happy and cloudless.
From the above, it can be seen that marriage by calculation can be quite prosperous and become a base on which a strong family over time.
But there are some nuances to pay attention to, and if they have a place to be, it is better to refuse such a union.
The main signal is a physical disgust for the future spouse. Naturally, with such a lack of full sex is not possible, and the one that will not bring joy. It will be just a gravily responsibility and ultimately at a certain point, patience must burst.
Do not marry a person who morally oppresses you and persistently forces to sacrifice its interests, principles and ambitions for the sake of family interests. After all, the benefit in marriage should be both for a man and for a woman.
And in no case do not associate your life with a rude and not educated person. A person who is still before marriage begins to change you, suppress your personality and force you to unquestioned obedience. Such a marriage will definitely not last and cause you an irreparable mental injury.

Each girl dreams of a happy marriage and family. However, today they are increasingly building relationships, create a family, marry settlement. Is the best marriage?

Five harmonious marriage conditions

Professor psychology of one American University, William Akelz, is confident that for harmonious relationships enough to coincide five conditions:

1. Physical appeal.

"We want our partner outwardly to be attractive and attractive, like us. Otherwise, we can suffer Fiasco at the very beginning of dating. "

2. The level of income.

"Approximately the same \u003d Look for an equal one. Although, many women want to marry a wealthy and successful man. "

3. Desire to have, or not have children.

"Must coincide. If the plans for family life initially do not coincide, it is better to search for another partner, until it came too far. "

4. Social layer.

Millionaire daughter hardly wants to marry the worker. It can only be in series;).

5. Education.

"Educated people are not inclined to associate their lives with those who are stupid them. However, it is not necessary to hurry with the conclusions: often people who do not have a diploma turn out to be very smart. "

Marriage of convenience

Surprisingly, today half of women do not love future husbands, and marry more or less "successful or forced option".

This expression " good option"We are increasingly hearing from their girlfriends. Practically luck is the presence of wealth, expensive car, housing, high salary. Such a marriage construction, as a rule, keeps on secondary circumstances, and not for love.

"Forced" marriage leads to the fact that irritation, quarrels, hatred between people who are forced to live together are gradually growing.

Let's say it is very often reproed:

"For vainly lived together the best years",
"A spoiled life ...",
"So that you do without me (L)," "I work, and you bring some kopecks,"
"You still lived in your village",
"I exhaust you, wear!", "I stayed (Sia) for the sake of a child."

All this leads to longing, depression, treason, dual life, often to aggression and quit. It turns out that you (he, she) spend life, energy for negative thoughts, tears in a pillow, suspicion. All these feelings are tormented by both family members. In such pairs - very frequent phenomenon, since any test of fate and the crisis it is difficult to overcome together.

Get married love

Family, this is a long-term project, this is what should make you stronger! One fine moment can change everything, who has no apartment, cars, big House Sooner or later they will earn on them, a man who has a small salary can grow in his career - today the seller, tomorrow the owner of his own shop. In fact, everything depends on you.

It is not necessary to associate your life with a person you do not like, it is not good, dishonestly in relation to both men and women. Marriage for love, and even mutual can not be attributed to the category "lucky!", This is a relationship: in joy and in the mountain, in the desire to give birth and educate children, in the ability to spend time together, to endure the weakness of each other, in contrast to marriage by calculation .

Summing up, I would like to say that the family should be a priority in the life of every person. She happens to be key Moment Successful development of parents and children.

A happy family requires constant work, respect and mutual understanding. If you want your child to be a successful, confident man, try first to create a family, the foundation of which is. Good luck and wisdom in everything important. Recommended

About the marriage for the calculation There are two opinions: someone believes that this is a hoax, the use of another person for their own mercenary purposes, and in general, happiness does not bring, and someone is convinced that only such a union is strong, stable and long-term .

We will talk today about the advantages and minuses of marriage for the calculation, about its causes and possible consequences.

Rates for marriage by calculation

What does a woman hoping, communicating his life with a man, but what does he have? In principle, like all - for happiness. Only she has a somewhat distorted look at what is considered to be "happy existence."

"Dolce Vita"

The first reason for such a marriage can be perfectly fair to rely on the very good life. Some ladies from childhood are accustomed to wealth and do not want to check on themselves a dubious dubbing "With Milic Paradise and Chaolache", therefore they are looking for those who will provide them with "worthy being". And others, on the contrary, have already been laid in poor apartments, filed cheap and tasteless meals, looked like in the nages from the nearest market, and somehow did not like such existence.

It is only old and wise for some reason for some reason that "goose a pig is not a friend," and what "where was born, and came in handy there." But they do not want many girls to "begged" the young men of their circle. And who will condemn them for this? After all, it is more comfortable to go in a good car with air conditioning than to shake in a crowded bus, more interesting to rest at the ocean somewhere on Bali than in a house in the village. Yes, and live more pleasant in the cottage, and not in one-bedroom apartment With parents, brothers, sisters, their "second halves" and Chadami. So, with a total poverty, the choice in favor of marriage for the calculation is made without much thought.

"Money can not buy happiness"

Often, in marriage, money play a minor role or do not participate at all. That is, someone is really chasing for rich lifeWell, for someone, kidnast is only to simply establish a personal life, albeit with an unloved man, or escape from the fallen relatives. And there are those who think that friendship and mutual respect - already quite a sufficient reason for the wedding. However, here it is just sometimes lucky - sincere friendship, unlike thanks for "a piece of bread with caviar," has excellent chances of painting into something more.

Although, in big account, such motives for creating a family as salvation from loneliness or from Rodney is difficult to name precisely. But in this case, the marriage is not for love.

Marriage for calculation: pros

"Insurance" from frustration

Women who are married by calculation is initially devoid of most illusions that are usually full of the bride's head, hurrying under the crown of great love. They do not expect from their choices of eternal devotion, heroic deeds and other romantic nonsense. It is only important to them - material stability. And, accordingly, these "mercenary" people are much less than the reasons for disappointment. In fact, if you do not dig too deep, it can only be one - loss by the spouse of its financial position.

"Love comes and leaves, but I always want to eat"

No matter how cynically sounds, but love really leaves. And, as a rule, much faster than we would like. And what remains? Bitterness, mutual claims, the section of the property. Or a difficult, almost unbearable life under one roof with a stranger, who look with contempt and squeamish pity. And if he also does not bring money to the house, his personal status in the eyes of a woman falls "there is no place below."

In the case of marriage for the calculation and there is nothing to leave, because love was not from the very beginning. Therefore, the lady, not focused on the "most beautiful feeling in the world," a long time has a firmly established life. Just as the opportunity to practice, without interfering in the affairs of the spouse and (if lucky), rarely falling into his eyes.

In the absence of love, money is really becoming the most powerful incentive to preserve the marriage relationship.
And, by the way, as practice shows, often modern women evaluate their spouses by their financial Regulations And after 20-30 years, marriage remains with them only for the sake of money, even if once was married exclusively on love. So, considering this situation, it can be said that marriage for calculating in some way more honest than the usual, since the spouses originally know what they go.

Marriage for calculation: Cons

Oddly enough, but the minuses at the marriage for the calculation are much more than the advantages. Unfortunately, whatever the motives for entry into such a marriage, the "fairy tale", as a rule, ends very quickly.

The greed of the spouse

If the future husband has money, it does not mean that he after the wedding will definitely start sharing them with his wife. Yes, it will not remain hungry, bare or barefoot. Maybe it will sometimes even buy decorations and fur coats, take it out on the sea coast and sink rose petals. Regularly, about five-year-old. And the rest of the time the husband will consider each penny, control household expenses, grumble about torn tights and frankly angry when the wife asks money to a new dress.

Wealthy people are because they are such that they are not used to letting money on the wind. And even for the beloved woman, not everyone is ready to make an exception. So, picking up to the "rich Pinocchio", you should not count on his incredible generosity.

Intimate relations

It is possible to regularly sin random sexual relationships, finding a certain pleasure in them, but a completely different alignment, when you have to fit into one bed every night with an unloved man and depict there African passion there. Believe it, it is not easy. And, in addition, it is also painful in the physical sense. Wealth excites imagination, but not the body. And if the first time gifts and the opportunity to live in sufficiency are at least some erotic stimulant, then very soon the kisses of the husband's husband (not to mention something more) begin to cause a sharp disgust, even if he keeps another diamond in his mouth.

Such a state of affairs destroys not only the marriage, but also the body of a woman, since he begins to revenge for constant coercion and permanent state of stress. That is, diseases of the physical and psychological properties arise.
By the way, the same thing happens in a situation where the lady marries a friend or the one who will "save" her from loneliness or from the annoying relatives.

"Beautiful toy" in the "Golden Cage"

Another minus of such a marriage is a restriction of personal freedom. A man, "buying" his wife, prefers to keep her in sight, so that she did not use someone else for free. He considers his own property with his own property and often prohibits her to communicate not only with girlfriends, but also with relatives.

However, fairness should be noted that the spouse of a secured person is not always in isolation because of its proprietary nature. Sometimes a woman is forced to stay at home under the supervision of protection in much more serious reasons. For example, a husband is simply afraid of her security or does not want to give its competitors and unfriendly the opportunity to put pressure on him through his wife. After all, such a kind of crime as no one has canceled the abduction.
Of course, those ladies who married love were not insured, and whose husbands acquired their wealth already in the process. family life. But one thing is to endure such a state of things for the sake of your beloved person and his interests, and the other - under the pressure of the one who value only as a credit card.

"Who is new?"

Yes, and change the "spouse for the calculation" much more often than those who married a firm conviction in mutual love. A man, taking a lady to his wife, whose initially in the eyes "flew dollars," takes the rules of the game and is included in it on equal terms: "You are a beauty and youth, I am money. Gone youth or a little "enhancing" beauty? Well, I paid for a certain product, and now - I'm sorry, you have nothing more to offer. "

And now the lady is expelled from the "Castle", and there is a new beauty with an identical brilliance in the eyes. And, most likely, with the same fate. If, of course, her "golden" spouse does not die during the honeymoon, after writing a will in her favor.

Possible consequences

In this section of our article, we will simply list what the marriage for the calculation can lead to the calculation of an unfavorable situation. In principle, options are a bit, but all of them are affected.

Mental illness (as the body's response to constant dissatisfaction and for fear of change);
Alcoholism (as a consequence of attempts to drown out, take free time, relieve stress);
Poverty (in case of divorce, sudden death of the spouse, and in the absence of its source of income);
Total loneliness (in case the lady abandoned old friends and from relatives or her husband forced it to do it);

However, from all the rules there are happy exceptions. That is why we started our article by words that "until you try - you will not know." You can learn to love the one who got married for the calculation, his love can be eternal, and he himself - man generous, wise, beautiful and generous. So all reflections on the "marriage of calculation" are purely speculative.

And if you are sure that love is not a mandatory component family relationships, then perhaps you will really be happy by choosing the spouse with the mind, not a heart.

Nadezhda Popova

Tradition to marry or marry the calculation of the old as the world. Previously, the marriage union could solve the fate of not only representatives of two families, but entire states. Few who decided to condemn such a state of affairs, so the marriage of love met even less often than by calculating. Now the marriage for the calculation, although perceived by society somewhat negatively, but continues to exist.

Definitions of the concept of "marriage by calculation" in the literal sense is an union to achieve personal gain, as well as any strategic goals, a family created without love and relationships. This phrase came to us from french And literally translates as a "marriage of admissibility". This is the mercenary form of marriage by agreement when the parties are learning the desired. For example, the wife takes the condition of a husband or a husband gets the opportunity to continue the genus and make children. The goals of the spouses can be different, but the overwhelming majority of people, as in ancient times, is moving the desire to obtain material well-being or changes in their social status.

But it is worth noting that, perhaps, only in unions concluded a few days after the acquaintance, there is no calculation. Nevertheless, with rare exceptions, such marriages are doomed to failure outside of Hollywood films about love.

In other cases, planning a wedding for a single year, and the bride, and the bride asses the personal qualities of each other, possible difficulties, the material well-being and other aspects of life, that is, they pretend, whether their marriage will be successful. Such a logical calculation and creation of a family is not only at the kettling of the heart, but also using the brain, reduce the likelihood of divorce.

In Belarus, 50% of marriages eventually decay. In the UK, the situation is similar, and the British managed to calculate that from this number of not being established marriages, only 5-7% were concluded by the calculation. So maybe the calculation may compete with feelings?

5 advantages to marry calculation

Taking any decision, it is useful to weigh all "for" and "against." This is especially important if you plan marriage or marriage with an unloved person. What are the advantages from such a state of affairs:

The decision to create a family is accepted for a sober head, without the influence of feelings and passions.
Large love is usually associated with high expectations. Marriage without love will save you from scenes of jealousy, love suffering, the drama cooling of feelings and other possible surprises of raging passions.
It is unlikely to destroy the Union for the calculation, because the spouses agree in advance about the distribution of responsibilities and are not waiting for the unfinished person more.
In such an alliance, everyone gains merit and achieves what he wanted to create a family.
Most often, the polygamy is not prohibited in relationships without love. So, do not have to for a long time Store loyalty to one person.

5 minuses of marriage without love

The Union for the calculation and published is not too similar to the barrel of honey, and at the closer examination it turns out even more tar than I would like.

Many, deciding for marriage by calculation, ask: how to live without love in marriage. If such a question crushed into your head, the likelihood is that such a type of family is not for you. Sensitivity, sentimentality and fear of loneliness will only be exacerbated with time. Live life without having close man very hard.
Lack of support and mutual support between partners. After all, sometimes it wants so much to help you or take care of you in a difficult moment!
Girls often seek to marry the calculation for the rich. In such a situation, it is likely to be in the "Golden Cage". Often a woman becomes completely dependent on her husband and is perceived by him not as a person, but as an acquired thing.
Sophistication duty is not the most pleasant part of the family without love.
If, together with the creation of the family, a marriage contract was concluded, with a violation of at least one of his paragraph, the spouse could lose all the benefits he received from marriage.

Is it possible to live without love in marriage

Any relationship is everyday work on their preservation and improvement. Marriage by agreement is no exception. In the event that partners respect each other and try to create comfortable conditions in the family, albeit concluded by agreement and with mercenary goals, the family can be strong, and the marriage is happy.

Moreover, marriage without love often has more chances will not end with a divorce than the Union concluded under the influence of the "chemistry" of feelings. After all, it is not initially overwhelmed expectations and people are aware of: in order to comfortably coexist will have efforts! Lovers are believed that their feelings are the only key to success and often let everything on samonek.

Often, girls marry settlement, and later they appear feelings for a partner. This is the most prosperous outcome, because in this case, the spouse will be able to fill the house with love, and the female warmth and caress can be touched after some time the heart of any man.

So, how to grow love in marriage for the calculation and save the family?

The first, and most importantly: develop and love yourself! It is impossible to love a person who does not like himself.
Try to find contact points or create common interests. The more time you spend together, the greater the chances of the birth of warm feelings.
If you seriously assimary to breathe feelings in marriage by calculation, you should not seek love on the side. Without it, do not build confidence.
Start with friendly help and support, sincerely interest the deeds of the other. It will help to establish contact and show your care.
Tip for girls: watch yourself. Try to look good and show your weakness. All men by nature their defenders and hunters. If they see that someone needs them, men's qualities are manifested and feelings appear over time.

Ultimately, all sorts of marriage occurred in life. But the man himself creates his fate, so in his power to turn the situation so that it is as comfortable for everyone who turned out to be.

Tell your friends:

Western psychologists argue that marriage for the calculation of fixed marriages for love. But, first, foreigners have a few other mentality, and secondly, what, in fact, should strive for? To a solid marriage, where spouses connect certain property relations, or yet to a happy marriage, in which love reigns?

In front of my eyes, for a long time there was an example of a marriage, which is called, by calculation. Young man finished Diplomatic AcademyAnd he urgently needed a wife for leaving abroad. Anyone. The girl who later became his wife, lived with his mother, who introduced them to. "The profitable bridegroom," she explained his daughter, - diplomat. " In fact, it's not about the favorable bridegroom, a concerning a parent was baked, but that the daughter is as soon as possible to attach: he has grown, everything understands, you will not give a temple home. And the daughter, in turn, dreamed only about one thing: quickly from such a mother at least for a bald, at least behind a lame ... And then suddenly the diplomat appeared.

They got married and left abroad. Naturally, under no circumstances could there be a speech about divorce from her husband - immediately will lose work as a morally unstable. The wife is also not interested in breaking relationships: the husband's salary is good, does not walk, does not smoke, almost never drinks. But the strongest of it tied it to her husband is not a salary, but what is called public opinion. Divorce is a shame, a stain that falls on the whole family. In general, it was truly durable marriage. They lived together fifty-six years, rare children were raised. And they remained completely strangers. Not because he or she had some moral defects who did not allow them to love each other. Both they were wonderful people. They did everything so that in their eyes around their marriage seemed perfect, and succeeded. Everyone was really confident that they are an exemplary. All, except for children who have seen that parents, except for jointly equipped life and the oppression of public opinion, does not associate anything. That mom has their own interests, and the dad is their own. What they do not go anywhere, except for official events. That when mom goes to a doctor, even for a serious occasion, dad does not accompany her.

That when mom's birthday, dad can leave with friends on fishing and leave it one "entertain guests". And the children were silently observed much, but they did not tell anyone about it. However, the idea of \u200b\u200bmarriage in their consciousness was extremely negative. So much that the daughter never got married, and the son did not marry. At the same time, they enjoyed their loneliness, because for all his life they did not see one happy marriage. Yes, this marriage was durable. But who is good and what for?

Another example. Oksana came to Petersburg from a small provincial city, where she had brother and low-income parents. Oksana is bigly lucky: she married a non-green, but very rich man. Grigory married for the third time. His work brought a big income, but demanded a huge nervous tension. He almost did not sleep at night - fear drove a dream from him. What was he afraid? Total. To discharge accumulated aggression? For this there is a wife who is still going to go. And whether she wants to leave a huge apartment, a gorgeous car, large diamonds, an elite club, a nanny for children, a housekeeper? Does not want. Oksana Husband beat that it would not seem outside. So hard that she began to go to a psychotherapist, trying to master the receptions of the repayment of aggression. But such women are not bred, although fear that kills, there is. But there is also hope that he will not kill. And who knows, fear is stronger or hope. They deliberately choose their fate, and we are not entitled to judge them.

And finally, the third example. My friend, Tine, thirty-five years old. Tina has always put a clear goal. Fifteen years ago, she puts himself a task to marry successfully in all respects, found a suitable candidate and quickly, what is called, surrounded. Sergey was a new scientist who gives hope, he was predicted a brilliant future, some of the friends considered him even a genius. If you mentally return to fifteen years ago, you can remember that the senior researcher with a diploma of the candidate of science at that time was considered a man more than secured, and there is nothing about the professor and talk ... In addition, the word "scientist" itself at that time sounded proudly. And first everything went well. Sergey received a good and high-paying position at his academy, and Tina sat at home, brought up a child and engaged in self-education, visiting all sorts of courses. She was quite satisfied that her husband was not from this world - after all, he brought money to the house regularly and, moreover, he was engaged in his son, whose doctors discovered some rare disease. But new times came, and everything changed overnight: scientists became a completely low-income layer of the population. Sergey's chief went to the States, and he himself, unfortunately, Tina, turned out to be a patriot - what he continued to do in his homeland, it was quite satisfied, and small everyday problems did not care. To making money, he was organically unable. I think that another woman, not Tina, would have coped with the situation - provided that she would love her husband, but Tina never loved Sergey.

Oh, how she was mistaken in his calculations! But who could assume in those years when she got married that everything will fall down on his head. And Tina turned out to be a broken trough. At the age of thirty five, she has already lost the charm of his youth, strongly swallowed, and therefore it is already difficult to look for a new favorable party, even though she is trying. Men who still show some interest to it, quickly retire, as soon as they learn about the sick child ... Tina works in house management, considers this work for himself humiliating, and his life failed, nevertheless she does not intend to surrender and completely convinced What else will find a husband who will give her and then the situation in the society she is worthy, and the feeling of stability.

In my opinion, in marriage, where there are no love, nor even respect for the spouses to each other, and there is only a naked material calculation, there can be no happiness.

But what about some marriage motives writes in one of his books psychotherapist Dilya Yenikeyev:

"As a result of a study conducted by the Moscow-speaking physicians-sex patrol among students, workers and employees, the following data was obtained.

The main motive of marriage is love (40-49% of respondents). Women who answered this question affirmatively, more than men, but non-imminent, within 10% (by the way, in another study conducted by St. Petersburg doctors, men who had a motive to marry a marriage was a little more than women - respectively, 46 and 44%). But it is believed that it is a woman looking for love in marriage, and a man - comfort! We underestimate our men and consider too landed (at least, when solving the issue - to marry or not marry).

So, lovely women, keep in mind - a man love is needed at no less than you!

The second in frequency of the motive is the community of views and interests (25-30%). Here the differences between men and women are insignificant. The result is perhaps amazing. It is believed that men live their interests (work, career, hobbies, friends), and women are their (children, family, life). And here we, too, as it turned out, underestimate the strong floor. Men, it turns out, do not feel superiority over women and even believe that with them you can have common interests (or at least hope for it).

Although the older generation is sometimes Corps youth for the rapid marriage because of the pregnancy of the bride, it turned out that the probability of the rapid birth of a child was very rare caused by the creation of a family - 1, 5-6, 7%. What is noteworthy, men and here were at the height - the highest percentage (6, 7%) belongs to men, and the lowest (1, 5%) - women. It turns out that our men do not shy away from responsibility, learning about the future to become dads.

The figures given in relation to material security, the presence of housing and other prose of life are also worthy. This motive marriage was called only about 5% of respondents. Lead, understandable, women. And yet, dear men, let's think about it - maybe you are unfair, blaming the weak floor in mercantility and say that women are interested in only your money in you? Not so selfish your compatriots, as you think about them! Love is much more important for them - almost ten times!

And now let's see what happened to the spouses who were married by the above reasons.

Of those who married love (regardless of gender), as much as possible with their marriage of 38%, 42% were simply satisfied and only 20% were satisfied. That is, 4/5 of the married loves are happy or at least satisfied with their marriage, but they are dissatisfied with it only 1/5 of the spouses. Hence the conclusion: marry only love!

In no less noteworthy, interest statistics and those who married common interests are: 40% are most satisfied with marriage, 47% are simply satisfied and only 13% are not satisfied. Hence the second conclusion: if you did not meet our love, but found a person with similar interests, marry until he (a) did not change his mind (a) - and suddenly your future half does not know such encouraging statistical data! And in order for it for a long time (a) for a long time (a), detect these facts. The chance that you (or your half) will be disappointed with your marriage, very small.

But in relation to those who married to get rid of loneliness, completely different data. Maximum satisfied in total and, 7%, more or less - 48, 3% and not satisfied with 40%. That is, marriage is not a panacea from loneliness! At least more than 1/3 of the spouses did not find the desired.

There is nothing to be surprised that from accidentally entered into marriage not satisfied as much as 80%. The output suggests itself: "Rarely" do not marry! At least come up with a convincing motive to convince yourself.

Oddly enough, those who married because they would soon become their parents, then did not regret it - at least most of them. True, the most satisfied was not so much (only 11, 9%), but in general, 70, 5% were satisfied. Unsatisfied only 17, 5%. So, as it turned out, the child is not a hindrance.

But the most interesting data was obtained from those respondents who married mercantile considerations (material security of the future spouse). None who was satisfied with their marriage, all 100% are not satisfied! Blimey! Girls, do not get married for the rich, then they do not have to cry.

In general, there is something to think about and what to wind on the mustache Although these are just a few studies, and not a survey of the population of our entire country, but the trends are clearly traced. "

Some supporters of the "Traditions of Starina Deep" explain the high percentage of divorces in our country in the fact that in the old days it was all wise enough: young people married not in silly "love", which is nothing but a natural sexual attraction, but for sober Paying parents. And, despite the fact that often the bride and the bride before the wedding and in each other did not see each other, but still nothing - got along.

However, do not forget that we did not live at the time. Polls, as you know, was not conducted. So even theoretically imagine what was the percentage of people who are dissatisfied with their marriage or frankly unhappy in marriage, we cannot. In addition, Russia of the XIX century was the Orthodox country, and the church divorce at that time is a rare exception. He enhanced unconditional condemnation from all society, which most people were still afraid and preferred to preserve at least the visibility of decency.

Marriage by calculation - optional when they go beyond the rich or promising. In addition to the material calculation, the other is psychological. Fear of loneliness, the opinion of others, the pressure of parents - all this can cause marriage not by love, but according to the "benefit," in what they would be expressed.

Why a woman becomes unhappy when selling herself for some material benefits, it is clear. For how much she sold himself, so much subsequently will appreciate it. The husband will appreciate the surrounding. Maybe even bargaining will be bargained - they say, do you take it expensive, is it possible with a discount? And then the husband will justly judge - once the price tag is hanging, it means that you are not a person, but a thing. And it will turn it, respectively. And this is not very nice.

But why does the desire to avoid loneliness, is this at first glance natural, turns around with an unhappy marriage? After all not good man to be one(Gen. 2, 18), so why is the desire to avoid this intolerable for many states ends often even deeper loneliness - loneliness together?

"Loneliness," one friend tell me, "there is not something global as a black cloud on the horizon. This state is manifested in domestic trifles - when you get up in the morning and you understand that you're tired of death to death to see a lonely toothbrush in a cup. Or when you come from work and removing upper clothes, Catch yourself to think that you want to hang and male next to your raincoat on the hanger.

However, this friend I was not in a hurry to get married, since, being a smart woman, I understood that two toothbrushes in a glass instead of one still do not testify about anything. After all, it is important not a constant presence in one with you space of some person, and emotional contact with it, which is almost impossible to establish without affection for each other.

There is another kind of marriage that does not apply to any of the marriages of love, nor to the category of marriages by calculation. What is the percentage of people satisfied with such a union, I do not know, but with the sad consequences of what I would call the "marriage of pity", I come across quite often. At one time I was even a witness to the development of such sad story.

Anna and Sergey went to one temple, where they met. From the very beginning, they liked each other. Anna was a man emotionally subtle, responsive and at the same time cheerful and cheerful. Sergey was in a sense of its antipode in a sense: with a raid of universal longing, or world grief, in the view, with the seal of alienation and misunderstanding with peers, as well as with signs of the initial stage of alcoholism. How this cheerful, prosperous, ending then best university countries and already having very good work The girl "hooked" this failed genius is difficult to say. Apparently, according to some unknown to us, such meetings are popping over. However, it is necessary to pay tribute and Sergey - indeed, he was very interesting, observant and sharp in the language, in other words, a charismatic person. At the same time, he managed to convince his chief that he: a) genius; b) an unfortunate man (most likely it was it); c) only she can save it; d) Even with alcoholism, it can be cured only (and not a competent specialist).

Anna was ready to go beyond Sergey in spite of everything: the opinion of parents, friends, and even the confessor. "I am ready to incur this cross," she said to everyone. Apparently, she craved the soul of the cross. And, perhaps, it would have suffered - strong was, only Sergey was a slightly and unbelievable person. He perfectly understood that he was sacrificed to his sacrifice. With this, not everyone can come to terms. I could not and Sergey. Before the wedding, when the dress was sewn, he suddenly told her: "I am not enough you, goodbye ..." I was afraid of the eyes - I called the phone. Apparently, realized that he was not under the power to make his whale's happy walf.

Anna did not appreciate this act immediately. The first six months on it was hard to watch. Some eyes remained. Sergey even stopped walking in this temple so that she does not ride the soul. But gradually the wound was delayed, and the girl still began to smile, joking, and at the mention of Sergey's mention no longer wrinkled. After a couple of years, she married great love for very good man. "Thank God," she says now - that everything is so safely ended. After all, if then, at the last moment, he did not stop, I would be doomed to misfortune. "

Another story that occurred in my eyes can become an example of how God refutes all of our inaccessible and self-instrumental calculations based allegedly in prudence and vigilance, and in fact, covering our disbelief in its fishery.

One young man (let's call him) with early youth showed unusual for his years "prudence". Having seen on their buddies, soon burdered themselves for marriage, and later also rapidly ruining these bonds, he began to skeptically refer to the so-called "marriages of love". For himself, he decided that he would never allow a love passion to blind himself. And indeed, everything in the life of Petit was subordinate to a rigorous schedule. Due to the mind, the power of will and depletion of Pety managed to achieve a good position in a prosperous company.

Successfully starting a career, he thought that now it's time and marry - she wanted home comfort, and indeed without his wife somehow unsolving. Chose a long time.

The first candidate for the role of the bride became the girl faith. Faith was a girlfriend of the sister and, it seems, was not indifferent to the pet. Petya noted the advantages of her character: Merry, never whines, smart, behaves well in companies, not ashamed with such people. He began to carefully care for faith, but there were also cons. Too faith is passionate, too fondant, with Petya under hand goes, and herself catches the views of passing men. Petya looked at the potential bride closer, and soon faith was rejected. The next petrose girlfriend became Zhanna, a colleague for work. She, not as an example of faith, was a serious man, solid. But with her Pet soon became boring. Still, a bit of romance will not hurt a woman. Ended this love affair at work. And finally, Petya met anyone. It turned out that Lyuba meets all of his requests - it is smart, but unlikely, read, beautiful, feminine, with a smooth, pleasant character. And when Petya came to visit her and nailed pies, baked any, the choice in favor of the new girlfriend was finally made. It went to the wedding. But the time of preparation for marriage in Petit coincided with very heavy period at work. As a result, Petit had almost happened breakdown. And then he decided to change the situation, relax from all and from all, but not by the sea, but by the river - went to his distant cottage, in Grehaman. There everything happened there.

Driving on the car through the railway station, he saw the girl descended from the platform - thin, fragile - barely carries a huge bag and a large suitcase. Petya although he considered himself a man at the highest degree, but then I still felt that he also had a heart. He slowed down near the girl and offered her to pass.

And I remember you, she suddenly said. - Your cottage is almost next to my grandmother's house. We are on the way.

Here and he remembered her. When the last time came here, the old-year-old woman had a challenge, a shy girl with a long chestnut braid. As her name was, then, of course, he was not interested. And the girl was called Natasha. Now it was a very pretty, slender girl, still a little shy. While drove by car, Natasha told that her grandmother was sick, but it categorically refuses to move to the city. Natasha believed that she was right: it is impossible to tear off the man from the soil, from the native places, especially to be taken from their native village, where Grandma lived all his life, in a big, uncomfortable city for her.

How so, rights? - Surprised Petya. - And how will she be here alone? It is unreasonable! You need to persuade her.

I now arrived at my grandmother, so that she was not alone, he live, how much will need, I hope she will recover. And for the sake of one's own convenience, forcing a person to do what he does not lie to him, I will not.

Petya brought Natasha to the house, helped to pull the bag and suitcase, and Natasha firmly and heartly shook his hand.

Thank you! I can not imagine how I would walk with this half an hour through the sun.

The next day, Petya, judging which neighbors may need male help on the housework, hook. But in fact, as he himself later admitted, he just wanted to talk again with Natasha. The idea that he liked him just like a girl, he drove away, because she did not fit him at all: the most fastened child, no foundation, no economic activity, one romance in the head. But this naive girlfriend was such a clear and kind that unexpectedly, Petya began to speak compliments, feeling that the words are not from the mind, but from the heart. With it, something strange happened to him, which Pete, remembering then, he himself was surprised - he even forgot that he had a bride. The young man jealously followed whether Natasha made friends with someone from the guys in the village, but she was not friendly with anyone, although he was friendly. "Probably, she has someone in Moscow," Petya suffered. Once he could not stand and directly asked Natasha, whether she had a groom.

No, "she dismissed carelessly. - Who will marry me, the Balt is such.

And then Petya suddenly blurted out:

And if I take? - And almost fell from the chair, amazing himself.

Natasha was very natural, she had not yet learned to hide his true feelings from people, and Petya understood her face that the girl was happy. Although she objected that Petya, of course, jokes.

No, not kidding. Marry me. She agreed. This is where Petya and remembered anyone left in Moscow.

All night he did not sleep, admitting himself at last that it happened exactly what he was irradiated and what he considered the lot of weak-precious and reckless. He fell in love as an enthusiastic boy, and can no longer imagine life without Natasha. What about Luch? She seemed to him now such a stranger. Does he be able to live with a little, a woman who is uncomfortable him? But it turned out that he made a proposal to two women at once. And now to break with one of them - meant to hurt, put yourself to the scoundrel. Of course, he will not be offended by Natasha, but she is not guilty of anything. The situation was hopeless, and Petya got used that he had no hopeless situations. He traveled everything, always found a decision, but now he felt quite helpless, for the first time admitting himself in the fact that he only relied on himself for the first time, his mind, which, in essence, was not too far. Now he will have to ask for advice. And suddenly there was a desire to go to the temple, which was across the road from his cottage. Petya constantly walked past the temple and only a couple of times looked inside of curiosity. Now he decided to survive the service completely. During service, she came to calm and the feeling that everything will be settled. Then he approached the priest and, overcoming a feeling of shame, told him his story.

The basis of marriage should be love, "said the priest. "We get married, get married to walk along with your loved one in life, share and joy, and troubles, carry a loved one, and not for prestige or comfort. It seemed to you that you do wisely, choosing a bride, as if the necessary thing in the farm, but in fact they did the promenade and summed up. And if you fell in love with another, being married? Now it's still fixable. But you have to start hard to pray and ask for a help from God. I will also pray for you for both of your brides.

Petya for his whole life remembered the words of the priest and then spoke to all his friends: "It is necessary to marry only in love." And everything was extremely unexpected for Petit. Returning to Moscow, he was determined for a long time to talk with any, but she came to him.

You know, she said, "I am very ashamed, but at that time spent without you, I understood a lot. Sorry, but it seems to me that I do not like you so much to become your wife. I recently, I unexpectedly, quite accidentally met his institute friend. You see, now it seems to me that I always loved him, I just didn't understand my feelings at one time. Now we meet again ...

Do I need to say that the Petit fell away from the soul? He realized that the buddy of Lyuba was not at all accidentally, but according to his prayer. So Petya became a believer. Soon he married Natasha. It is impossible to say that their joint life is absolutely cloudless, but they love each other, and it saves their marriage in all everyday troubles. They are happy.

For Petit, everything ended well. However, there are examples when people who have no patience live alone and "wait" their love, choose a spouse or spouse on the principle of "how much the farming is useful". And then they meet, what is called, narrowed ... So it's better than a priest who has written pets on the way true, I will not say: the basis of marriage should be love.

Previous conversation Next conversation

Your feedback