Why does the soul hurt when parting with a loved one. A strange but working recipe for coping with heartache

When we part with a loved one, the pain seems unstoppable. And suffering is like suffering at the loss of a relative or death loved one. The stages of coming to terms with a breakup are close to the stages of coming to terms with death. This is logical, because you really lose a person who was so close to you just recently.

Everything starts with denial.

You just can't understand and accept the fact that won't be around anymore. Your brain puts something like a "block" from severe suffering, so for a while you will think that it is still possible to return. It's just a fight and everything will work out. Of course, it's hard to admit to yourself that
You are alone. But it needs to be done to .

Finally, at some point you will realize that you are alone.
The beloved is no longer around. This is the beginning of the road to recovery. Because you stop lying at least to yourself and start . Of course, there are still several stages of adoption ahead, but a start has been made.

Next comes the stage of anger and anger at a loved one.
In all the troubles you've been through You start blaming him. But by no means yourself. Even in the little things you blame him, ceasing to seek compromises. At this stage, you can do a lot of stupid things, like trying to get revenge or making angry calls with accusations. Of course, you feel hurt, you feel hurt. The accumulated anger will eventually go away, but you should not do hasty actions that will not lead to anything good.

And finally, the most emotionally difficult stage comes - pain and worries. This stage is accompanied by like fear and sadness. It is very painful for you to be in mental loneliness, and fear of the future is added to everything; and together - these feelings form a feeling of hopelessness. Psychologists say that tears at this stage contribute to recovery. It’s worse when you want to cry, but there are no tears ... that is, they should appear, but you can’t cry. This is a very disturbing symptom, which is almost impossible to cope with alone. And it is necessary to get out of such a situation, because many diseases and other serious health complications can develop from severe depression: from mental disorder and stomach ulcers to heart attack, stroke ...

So, after accepting the fact that you are alone, what can you do to deal with sadness?

Don't think about it!
Stop constantly thinking about your ex, this can drive you into the abyss of depression, from which it is very difficult to get out. Many advise getting rid of everything that reminds you of . Better not visit and institutions where you can encounter it. It is best to even change your lifestyle. For example, take up a new hobby or a new sport. In addition, now there is a lot of free time to take care of yourself. Why not take advantage of this? At the same time, the head will be cleared of unhealthy thoughts about the past.

Don't self-deprecate!
It won't lead to anything good. Constantly feeling sorry for yourself and crying - there is no sense in this. It is better to spend this time on something useful. In addition, do not dare to blame yourself for all mortal sins. People break up, it happens. All that self-abasement can bring is low self-esteem. And we don't want that?

Release emotions!
Sometimes a good savory plate toss against the wall can help. Or the ritual burning of the remains of of things. And you can also go out into the open field and shout enough. No wonder this method is used by psychologists in relation to patients. The main thing is to give free rein to feelings, and not hide them deep in yourself. Because of this, the period of "rehabilitation" may be delayed.

Do what you dreamed of!

Perhaps you have been thinking about doing yoga or working issues for a long time, but there was no time for this. Now there is an opportunity to cover as much as possible of what has long been in the back of memory and is waiting for your intervention. Write poetry, sign up for a course in modeling or cutting and sewing. Realize your .

Be with friends more often.
Stay social.
Don't lock yourself up.
with new people.

Communication with friends will be beneficial, and expand their horizons. You may even find …. As for your mutual friends, there's nothing you can do about it. You will either have to see them, or find a new circle of acquaintances. The best solution you will not see them for a while until you become emotionally stable. Sitting at home is also not conducive to "recovery", so ...

Visit new places!
!
Go to clubs, to exhibitions, to the theater, to concerts, to parties.
Walk more often.
Go in for sports and/or active recreation.

Just don't fall into a dull routine. Rest assured, there are so many wonderful people in your city that you didn't even suspect. Learn as much as possible new, engage in self-development, creativity. Try to make sure that when you get home, all you have the strength to do is crawl to …

Don't back down!

If you've made the decision to break up, don't give up. Try to remove from sight all possible accessories and attributes of a past life with the former / her: framed photographs, souvenirs and other items that involuntarily lead you to feelings of loss ... Over time, all the negative points in are erased, this is a feature of memory. Only remembered good moments. Believe yourself, if you objectively decided to leave because of irreconcilable contradictions, you should not turn back. Everything that was bad between you has not gone away. You can't step into the same river twice.

All recommendations for those who are experiencing the syndrome of parting with a loved one are as follows:
1. Recognize your position - as a fait accompli
2. Control yourself and don't give up. Do not retire, stay in the community.
3. Dispel the mood of sadness, gradually transferring it to the area of new positive . Do not give yourself time for sadness, comprehend new things at the expense of the freed up time.
4. Search for a new person, gaining .

For a successful search for a loved one, it is necessary to determine the place of his habitat. Be able to understand: Who are you looking for? And you will understand where to look ... . Write on a piece of paper in a column a list of qualities that your soulmate should have. Then collect all the qualities in several main groups, and ask yourself (you can Yandex or Google, you can puzzle friends or random people) “WHERE CAN PEOPLE OF SUCH WAREHOUSE DIVE TO A MORE DATE?” ... And you will see that these people do not live on , not on the moon… they are all around you… It could be in any club of interest, from a dance studio, or, alternatively, from a colleague at work, if he / she works in a team with a pronounced female (male) and some other sign that suits you ... For example, you can pick up Your friend, a programmer, in order to drop him home by car, as if by chance appearing half an hour before the end of work in his office, where the editorial team, consisting of 50 girls (creative, educated) works nicely ... and with the right approach and coordination with your friend, some of these girls will also be able to take advantage of your throw them to the right place ... .

The best cure for love is love. Be open to new relationships, despite the pain you've experienced. After all, completely new love can make you a completely different, happier person. Do not look for a copy of what was in the past, your new happiness will be different. People are social beings; and if you share your experiences with others - your trouble decreases, and when you share joy with others - happiness for you increases.

Acquaintance in a bright setting at themed parties:
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The loss of a loved one is always suffering and suffering. Many people feel something like a rebirth when past life gets out from under your feet and you have to re-learn how to walk, breathe, smile, and so on. Pain and worries make it difficult to continue life in a social environment, trust people again and feel sympathy for the opposite sex. The constant feeling of pain is so acute that it replaces the entire consciousness and comes to the fore.

Physical pain is perceived differently by everyone, it depends on the pain threshold. But before heartache everyone is vulnerable. Coping with loss is difficult even for the most callous and cold person, and psychologists say that it is these people who experience psychological trauma much deeper and stronger. It follows from this that you should not keep experiences inside, there are many ways to alleviate the condition and get rid of suffering.

Why does breaking up hurt so much?

The psychology of personality is built in such a way that each person first of all worries about himself, for his condition, for his reputation. It's hard to argue with that because it's a proven fact. Severe pain at the time of parting is experienced by the one who made plans for the future. Relationships that long time did not bring joy and euphoria, in principle they cannot upset a person. All negative experiences are built on disappointment and the collapse of their own plans and hopes. It’s hard to lose not relationships, but what is connected with them in your own understanding and imagination.

Most relationships begin with trepidation, care, and romance. Waiting for the next meeting, careless, but not accidental touches and anticipation - all this is very exciting and pleasant. At some point, lightness and small joys end, life and routine begin. At this moment, in order to maintain a pleasant wave, a person begins to imagine and imagine a future where everything will soon be even better, but usually this does not happen. On the part of the partner, there is an increasing detachment and a desire to break off these relations. At this moment, even greater opposition to what is happening and unwillingness to admit failure in relation to the plans begins.

In the case of a joint life, common property and the presence of common children, there is also a sense of responsibility for what is happening inside, partly there is a feeling of guilt for the impossibility of correcting everything and returning it to its previous level. It is practically impossible to stop and soberly assess the situation without outside intervention. Every day, with every new situation, with every new realization that it's all over, the pain grows and intensifies. There are new problems associated with the division of property, with domestic issues. It is very hard to realize that everything good and planned for the future will never happen.

Not always the duration of the relationship directly affects the degree of shock. The personality type plays an important role. Fanciful emotional aggression and indignation help to cope with mental pain many times faster than outward calmness and detachment. In the latter case, the person denies what happened and the pain gnaws at him from the inside much longer.

How to deal with mental pain?

Not everyone is ready to understand the degree of shock and turn to a psychologist. Someone begins to fight in a panic and makes unsuccessful attempts to return everything, someone closes and moves away from the outside world, but all these attempts are dangerous for physical health. Mental pain can provoke the development of organic pathology, cause interruptions in the work of the heart, disrupt metabolic processes and lead to personality disorders.

The loss of a loved one is a difficult life situation that requires a long recovery. Do not worry that loved ones will not understand or others will condemn. Everyone has experienced something like this at least once in their life. Mental pain passes faster if you treat it as a physical pathology, that is, a full-fledged illness. She should also have the basic principles of treatment and the recovery period.

Time to be sad

You can’t hide emotions and try to survive the pain inside, alone with yourself. Focusing on the problem will only make it worse. New thoughts and far-fetched fears will appear. Initially, do not hide aggression and tears. It's not about tantrums and showdowns. A partner, whether it be a spouse, cohabitant, or just a guy or a girl, has already made his choice, and you can no longer make a broken one whole. It is not worth wasting time on this, again and again being subjected to mental pain. This disease is cured and after full rehabilitation remains only a memory. This period should last no more than a week, otherwise it is dangerous to go into depression.

There are many psychological trainings. to eliminate aggression and internal pain. Some psychologists recommend throwing out all the things you have in common and getting rid of everything that might remind you, including common acquaintances. Others are sure that power loads and nature, hiking in the forest, climbing mountains, rafting or regular jogging on a fresh air. Still others recommend breaking dishes and screaming with all your might in order to release the accumulated negativity. It is necessary to find an opportunity to move away from the usual activities for a while - for example, take a vacation.

Lifestyle change

Being in a relationship for a long time, sooner or later you realize that a certain algorithm of life has been developed. On weekdays - work or study, on weekends - household chores and, at best, going to the cinema or visiting friends. After a breakup, everything needs to change dramatically. There must be a restructuring of values. Most joint interests are shared and once imposed by the other half. Surely there is some kind of hobby or passion that once had to be abandoned due to a conflict of interest with a partner.

The most correct way of life is a healthy one. Rational and balanced nutrition will give strength and keep the figure in shape. Regular walks in the fresh air will improve sleep, tune in new way and improve complexion. Compliance with the regime of work and rest is especially important. Overexertion at work will exacerbate the condition. healthy and proper sleep restores the body and promotes recovery. You need to take vitamins and eat more fresh vegetables and fruits. Against the backdrop of mental pain, general health should be on high level, otherwise the recovery period has the risk of being delayed.

New interests and acquaintances

New interests will inevitably lead to acquaintances. Do not neglect the opportunity to make new contacts. Communication with people with similar interests captivates with more force, so the desire to return to the old circle of friends, where everything reminds of the loss, disappears. Some mutual acquaintances may intentionally hurt and provoke contact. There is no need to subconsciously seek meetings and try to talk, find out something and resume, such attempts bring even more disappointment and increased heartache.

Passion must be enjoyed. Well, if it is related to work, it will also bring additional income. Along with going to fitness centers, dancing classes, visiting various sections, it would be nice to introduce a tradition of a day off. To do this, you need to find a few friends of interest and come up with some kind of common activity - visiting a spa, bathhouse, restaurants or a cinema during the premieres. This is a very good distraction, because you need to prepare for such events in advance, and after them there is something to discuss.

think about the future

All plans built for the future were planned for two, otherwise there would be no reason for worries. It is necessary to reorient the intended goals only for yourself. But it is better to completely revise them and, if possible, abandon the plan as much as possible, adopting something new. It is much easier to achieve some goals alone, especially if a person is used to doing everything himself. It is possible that the plan will require a new partner and it's time to look for him, for example, among friends and relatives.

You can’t think about future loneliness, let your imagination not touch the topic of love and the search for a soul mate. It is worth devoting your mind to something light and bright, like a vacation in warm countries or a trip to Europe. Planning to buy a new gadget or car will also be beneficial, because there will be a desire to make money, and this is also a great distraction. It is necessary to draw up a clear plan for conquering the world, develop a strategy for advancing career ladder at work or something else, even crazy, but funny. Self-hypnosis is a good stimulus for success.

time to talk

All the time to be afraid of experiences and hush up grievances will not work. You need to find a loved one who can calm you down and help you talk. It is necessary to talk about the problem, not embarrassed to reveal something secret. The problem seems global as long as it is kept inside, as soon as it is voiced and there are other opinions about it, it becomes easier. accumulated grievances that long time kept secret, oppressed from within. A sincere conversation or even a few conversations will help to cure the soul, but no more - you should not dive into the problem and make the drama of your life out of it, this is no longer help, but right steps towards depression.

Not always in the environment there are people who can be trusted. Sometimes you don’t really want to share your heartache and talk about the situations you have experienced, worrying about your reputation or not wanting to cause trouble to your relatives. To do this, there are many forums where people are ready to discuss each other's problems, and for this it is not even necessary to give your real name. Social media in this regard, it is somewhat more dangerous - there is usually personal data there, and correspondence is stored and can be used against a person.

A look into the past

Over time, the realization of what happened comes, you understand that the person is no longer in life and never will be. The mental pain gradually disappears and there remains a slight sadness and a slight sad smile on the face with memories. These feelings indicate the ability to soberly assess what happened. Everything in life is capable of bringing experience. In order to avoid past mistakes in a new relationship, it is worth carefully analyzing the old ones and answering a few questions for yourself:

At what point did the relationship begin to change and deteriorate?
What mistakes did each make and why?
What could be changed and when?
Is it possible to avoid such mistakes in the future?

Answers to questions will take a lot of time, some of them will remain open, because the opinion of the opponent is unknown, and two are always to blame for any conflict.

Time heals, even if mental pain is many times stronger than physical pain, but it also tends to remain in the past. Having gone through all the stages of emotional healing, it's time to think about new relationships, because loneliness is dangerous and does not bring as much good and bright experiences as having a loved one nearby. No matter how bad and bitter relationships are, these are past relationships, they are in the past. All people are different, so it is imperative to give a chance to a worthy candidate and try to initially build the right relationship.

Breakups are part of our lives, people break up different reasons. One of the hardest experiences is parting with loved ones. Sometimes even the strongest and most strong-willed people cannot bear it and do not know how to forget the person you love.

After all, until recently there was a feeling that this person was there forever, and life was presented only with him. At such moments, it seems that this is a temporary discord, it will pass and everything will work out.

Maybe this is a temporary pause, not a break? But how to understand: this is the end of a relationship or a necessary pause in order to realize that it is simply impossible to live without each other. How not to make a mistake? Indeed, it is at such moments that a feeling of resentment, misunderstanding, a huge amount of mental pain overwhelms. At such moments, I want to disappear, hide from everything that happens, forget how horrible dream. I want to get rid of resentment, pain as soon as possible and replace this pain with something or someone. But doubts arise in my head: what if this is just a misunderstanding and everything will work out? After all, there was a stormy, crazy love ... What if, in a fit of emotions, you make a mistake and then you will regret it all your life?

Be reasonable, do not make decisions in a fit of emotions, but do not console yourself with unnecessary illusions, assess the situation sensibly. After all, the wrong decision can lead to new problems. If you already understand that the past relationship cannot be returned, have firmly decided to get rid of the past, then do it to the end.

It always hurts a lot when you remember a loved one. Try not to go back to those memories when a loved one or loved one was near. The mind will constantly bring you back to the past, it is not ready to accept what happened. Your mind in such situations becomes a monster, tormenting you again and again, returning you to the past, tormenting you with doubts, filling you with resentment, blinding with anger. Therefore, in order not to provoke the mind, get rid of everything that reminds you of a person. Remove photos, delete his phone number, messages, hide away his gifts.

Time always heals, and after a few months you will look at things differently. Any souvenir can become a bright memory of the pleasant moments that once were. But it is up to you to decide whether to get rid of everything forever or just put it in a distant box.

How to deal with the pain of a breakup

Let yourself cry. There is no need to hide tears: through tears, emotional pain comes out. Don't be ashamed of it, it hurts you and you have a right to it. Allow yourself to experience with all your might, let all the pain that fills you come out with tears. But try to do it alone with yourself or work with a specialist, because any friend who sympathizes with you, girlfriend, resonates with you, intensifies this pain, and does not reduce it. Of course, you need to be with someone, but try not to sow your pain, the "harvest" will then return to you. Try not to allow yourself to call or text an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend in this state. Allow yourself to cry with all your heart, a day or two, maybe a week, but in no case let this state become your everyday, for many months.

We cried, worried - and that's enough, stop!

After all, there are reasons for everything. If the breakup happened through your fault, realize what you made a mistake, and do not repeat this in the future. If the breakup was the fault of your partner and he does not want to see, realize his mistakes, then he is not yet ready for serious relationship or his character, ego, does not suit you.

The next few days should be spent under the motto: "I pull myself together" . Control yourself! Any life experience makes a person stronger. You have already given yourself time to experience, and now it's time to gather strength and understand that you are a strong and wonderful person! Of course, more than once you will feel a lump in your throat, but remember: when you break up, you lose your relationship with the person, but not yourself, you have yourself. So not everything is lost, although at such moments it seems that you have lost yourself. The time will come when a person worthy of you will appear in your life.

There is nothing in life that will be with you for life, except for yourself. All things, people in due time come and someday leave your life. Accept it. You need to try not to let the desire (to be together at all costs) take over you if it is no longer possible.

Sport burns emotional pain

Physical activity helps to get rid of emotional pain, experiences. There are three main sources of energy in a person: the soul, physical body and mind. Each of them produces and uses a certain type of energy for its own purposes, but when one of the sources weakens for some reason, our body can take part of the energy from another source. But it also happens that one of the sources goes haywire. It turns out an overabundance of some kind of energy. In such cases, you can redistribute excess energy (strong emotion is also energy). If you are not familiar with the techniques for managing your energy flows, you can use an easier way. Burn energy in a public way, that is, physical activity.

Keep in mind that the body first uses its energy, and when you have already chosen the energy that is stored in the body for instant expenditure, only then will your body begin to look for all available sources of energy. This usually starts to happen after 30-40 minutes of active load. If you are not a trained athlete, by this time you will start to get tired. Emotional energy will begin to burn out when your body is tired and it seems that the muscles can no longer work - it is at this moment that what you started it for happens. And the longer you load the body, the easier it will be emotionally for you later. One time is enough for someone, someone will need a week or two to load themselves. It all depends on how strong your brain is, how much emotional energy it has generated.

There are other techniques and ways to work with emotional pain. There are a lot of working techniques on the Internet, you can choose any of them for yourself.

Technique of working with one's own energy "How to get rid of resentment."
Technique "Tell it like it is."
Technique "Write a letter".
Breathing from "heartache".
The EFT technique is an emotional freedom technique.

Emotional pain comes from our ego

The human ego creates certain conditions in which our mind begins to generate emotional energies. It is these energies that hurt us, or rather, they themselves are emotional pain. They arise because of the dissonance of reality with the desires of our ego. You should also know that when the ego provokes, for example, resentment, the mind begins to generate the emotion of resentment. At this moment, the soul and body begin to resonate, the grievances of the past wake up, usually every person has experiences of grievances in the past, so they begin to resonate, intensifying the experience.

To avoid pain, we need to harmonize our ego with our life, or learn to control our mind. Don't let it generate what we don't want to experience. To some extent, both options can be used for yourself. You just need to understand how and learn how to do it.

But for now, the mind brings you back to the memories of your loved one again and again. Any thing, word, event or even song can throw your mind into memories and experiences. In such situations, it is important to learn to keep the mind calm, and the re-education of the ego is the next stage of work.

Energy connections with a person

People, coming into contact with each other, include energy connections. And the denser, emotionally brighter and longer the contact, the stronger these ties. For example, energy connections through chakras are used in love spells. Such connections, like the ego, provoke the mind to generate experiences. Any person (whether he is a psychic or not) feels such connections, just not everyone is aware of them. You can be aware of the emotional pain that these connections bring, but not be aware of the connection itself, not see it.

Many people can manage their mind if they know how to handle it correctly. But with energy connections it is already more difficult, here you need the intervention of an empath or a parapsychologist.

Energy connections after a breakup work in two directions.

First. They energetically and emotionally exhaust both those in this connection.

Second. They act like a narcotic substance that affects the will of a person. In practice, the energy connection is very reminiscent of the presence of a person nearby, as if the person you are trying to forget is always next to you, in the same room, although he can be anywhere at this time, even in another city. Such connections often provoke the mind to new emotions, and this can continue indefinitely. Trying to get rid of them, not knowing how to do it, you can only strengthen them.

Probably, many will agree that any work should be done by a specialist who knows what and how to do it. Energy connections can be neutralized by a person who sees, feels them, an empath (this is a psychic who can feel the feelings, emotions of people and work with them), a parapsychologist. By removing such connections, we exclude another source of provocation for the mind, and uncontrolled dependence on a person is removed. Everything else, if desired, everyone can do himself.

Of course, emotional experiences are of varying degrees and neglect, sometimes a person exhausts himself so much that he is no longer able to do something on his own, look for and select some techniques for himself. In such cases, it is better to contact specialists. The parapsychologist will be able to choose the right technique for you, remove the accumulated negativity, restore and harmonize your field without using magic. Do not bring yourself to complete exhaustion, the longer you pull, the more difficult and longer the recovery process.

We know how the head, stomach, injured finger and other organs and parts of our body hurt. Defining the concept of mental pain is much more difficult, because it is not completely clear what the soul is, and how you can feel that it hurts. However, emotional pain can often be much more dangerous than physical pain, which is why it's important to know how to deal with emotional pain.

Let's talk about what causes mental pain, what feelings and emotions a person experiences at the same time, why it is sometimes more difficult to endure these sensations than to endure physical pain. We also denote milestones living these feelings and ways to ease a person’s mental anguish, helping to cope with them faster and easier.

What is heartache and why does it occur?

The obvious reasons for the birth of unpleasant emotional experiences are partings or the final loss of people close and significant to a person, life failures on a professional or creative path, serious conflicts, defeats.

However, according to statistics, a huge percentage also suffers from other mental disorders. successful people, perfectly realizing themselves in social and family terms. What's the matter? Or, as the people say, are they mad with fat?

Disappointment, loss of significance, meaning of ongoing events can occur at any stage life path each person. Initially, it is precisely the loss of faith in the importance of what is happening, whether it be the Nobel Prize, the birth of a son, or ruin, the waste of a multi-million dollar fortune, that creates emptiness and pain in a person’s soul.

The discrepancy between reality and expectations lies in wait for us equally on a happy path, when everything goes very well, and when nothing happens, no matter what we undertake. Achieved goal gives rise inside a person to exactly the same question as the one that has not been reached - “Is that all? What's next?"

The happiest, most dizzying love, the highest jump, the deepest dive does not please us forever. Why, they rarely please us for more than a few moments. Happiness is replaced by spiritual emptiness and the pain of one's own imperfection. To then be replaced by new aspirations and joys. That is life.

Causes of being stuck in a state of mental pain

The percentage of those suffering from depression (and we are talking about official statistics, that is, only about those who officially seek help) is increasing every year. People are less and less engaged in heavy physical labor (which is an excellent antidote for this disease, by the way - physical fatigue does not allow mental fatigue to set in). We have more and more time for self-reflection, fewer unmet needs.

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Many live in a state of internal unconscious dissatisfaction for years. The human psyche has two main ways to process emotional experiences - splash them out or drive them in, into the subconscious.

Since most of us were not taught to live our experiences correctly, remember from childhood: “Masha, good girls don’t get angry and don’t scream”, “Petya, real men don’t cry”, “Katya, it’s not good, ugly to laugh so loudly” - a huge number of people they simply suppress resentment, anger, pain from separation.

But they don't disappear. These feelings accumulate inside you for years if you do not allow them to leave your soul and body. You get stuck in a state of extreme mental pain without even knowing it.

What is the danger of mental pain, especially not conscious

The American physician Elizabeth Kulber-Ross developed a special psychological technique for people suffering from incurable diseases. It aims to help the patient accept what is happening to him as inevitable. This method has spread widely over time and is used today in many psychotherapeutic practices.

These are the five stages of the emotional experience of heartache: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Experts around the world agree that you cannot overcome the pain of losing someone you love until you have consistently fully experienced the full range of emotions in each of these stages.

It takes a lot of time and emotional strength. It is believed that the period of separation or death of a loved one lasts from a year to two years or more, depending on your psychophysiological characteristics.

You must allow yourself to feel anger at the person who left you, then all the pain from his absence next to you, all the fears and feelings associated with him. If you skip any of the stages, in consequence you will subconsciously return to it again and again, plunging into negative experiences.

Do not poison yourself by indulging again and again in pleasant and unpleasant memories of the person who left you. Allow yourself to be sad for as long as you need it, but at the same time try to be distracted and get new positive emotions. Find occasions for small joys every day, learn to focus your attention on positive pleasant things.

Finally

Coping with heartache is an essential life skill, as each person faces both loss and disappointment along the way. Remember the need to feel it completely, and not suppress it and drive it into the depths of your subconscious, from where it will be difficult to get it even for a qualified specialist.

Our life continues until the last breath, and it is a real miracle and a gift, despite all the difficulties and losses that we will get along with it. You can survive everything, and use what happened to you as a threat to your peace of mind but as an opportunity that makes you stronger, wiser and more experienced.

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If you ask a villager how to cope with mental pain after a difficult event, he will advise you to get down to business. There is work - there is no time to think. If you ask the same question to a Buddhist monk, he will recommend meditation, spiritual development. A mother of many children will say that the child will cure the inner emptiness. The rich man will answer that purchases or promising investments will save him. The volunteer will confidently declare that only selfless kindness will relieve sorrow. Each has its own method.

Are there universal ways free from heartache? It turns out that yes.

Jump from the past to the future

There is no point in dwelling on a problem from the past. If something bad, irreparable happened, then it is better to accept this difficulty, comprehend it once, and then let it go forever. Instead of reliving a difficult moment in your thoughts over and over again, it would be good to think about your future. Several topics can be considered:

whether this complexity will be important in a year, 5, 10, 20 years;
how to continue to build life, taking into account the events experienced;
what kind of people do you want to see around;
what dreams seem the most real, interesting, how to realize them;
how to set clear goals, achieve your goals;
what to do for your future today;
who can be in 10 years and how.

It would seem that thoughts about the future will not make a person happy, because it is important to live today. However, if you think about it, the answers to most of these questions will require action in the near future. Dreams, goals, ambitions, expectations are the future, but the steps to get them are the present.

Get rid of physical reminders

Things of former partners, deceased relatives, old correspondence, newspaper clippings about other people's victories, instead of their own - all this makes me sad. Moreover, even gifts, once pleasant photos can hurt. If you want to forget a person or an event, it's time to take up the cleaning, take out the old trash.

It is better not to give these things to your loved ones, as you are already connected with them bad energy. According to psychologists, good option will be incinerated. It is important to mentally say goodbye to each subject. One can imagine how the threads are torn one by one, connecting with someone or something unpleasant from the past.

Stop blaming anyone

Why is it better to let go of resentment towards others, to forgive yourself? If a person does not do this, he:

obsessed with the problem, “gets stuck” in it;
ceases to notice the good around him;
begins to ignore, launch its own future;
moves away from loved ones, depriving himself of their support, help;
constantly experiencing negative emotions;
more often suffers from diseases of psychosomatics, neurology, from colds, as immunity is reduced due to stress;
changes outwardly for the worse;
deprives himself of happiness, the chance to get it, to keep it.

What is done cannot be returned, but you can forgive yourself. If the feeling of guilt gnaws more and more, it is better to come up with an unusual “punishment”. Positive, focused on helping others, nature, yourself. For example, charitable donations, building a house, giving up obscene words, smoking or alcohol, etc. Why is it considered a punishment? Because it is difficult to fulfill it, but then it will be easier to forgive yourself.

If another person is to blame, it is advisable to let go of resentment against him. Such a decision will help to breathe with ease, because hidden evil is a heaviness. In addition, no one canceled karma, the boomerang rule, the universal balance and God's punishment.

Treat everything as an experience

Having solved the problem once, a person will be easier, faster to cope with similar or similar difficulties in the future. However, this will require the ability to translate your mistakes, life's difficulties into useful experience. How to do it?

For example, a girl recently experienced a breakup with her beloved boyfriend. Return ex-fiance she can't, or doesn't see fit, but is still tormented by heartache. In order to turn the bad into the valuable, she will need to honestly, deliberately answer a few questions:

what was done wrong, what is the main reason for the break, what are the additional ones;
whether it was possible to correct the situation at any stage, how, if so, and why, if not;
is not it ex-boyfriend- the man you need
what was good in the relationship, for which you can and should say “thank you”;
whether there was influence from a third party or the snag was only a couple;
how to change your negative traits to please “that guy”;
which should never be repeated in the future;
what good the breakup gave (freedom, security, stress relief, for example).

By analogy, these questions can be easily modified for other situations. For example, “Why did I get fired, is it my fault?” “What can be done to win the next contest? etc.

Pay attention to your speech

Not only thoughts, but also words are material. If a happy man will constantly pronounce the phrases “I don’t want to live”, “I’m tired (a)”, “Life is unfair”, then soon he will really feel bad. The brain perceives such phrases as instructions and, in accordance with them, gives signals to the whole organism.

For the same reason good words it is desirable to speak more often - from elementary " Good morning”, “Thank you” to “Life is beautiful!”.

Find a Teacher

In nature, society, there is nothing that would be completely unique. The same difficulties happen to different people in different periods. If your situation seems hopeless, it is better to try to find a person who has already gone through this, ask him for advice. You can search for recommendations:

in the circle of relatives, friends, their acquaintances;
on forums of topics of interest;
on the official pages of psychologists, psychotherapists, rhythmologists, similar specialists;
in groups of social networks;
at meetings, peaceful meetings devoted to the necessary issue;
believers, but not fanatical people.

Sometimes a completely stranger becomes a Teacher, but his advice is the most valuable.

Don't push away random joys

Delving into the problem, experiences, a person begins to ignore everything that is happening around. After the breakup, the girl does not see the loving eyes of the neighbor guy looking at her. An employee who is not accepted for a vacancy he is interested in does not even open the mail, although other profitable offers have already accumulated there. A man who lost his wife in a car accident grieves, not noticing how his little daughter is preparing breakfast, trying to replace her mother, to get her father's attention.

Even after the most severe loss, life goes on. Sometimes it's better to give yourself and others a chance - go on a new date, look at another job, have fun with a loving child.

Consider other areas of life

Main areas of life:

family;
love;
Job;
self-development - spiritual, intellectual, moral, etc.;
material aspect;
hobbies, interests;
health;
status, importance, popularity in society.

If the problem occurs in one of these areas, the other eight must not be forgotten. Perhaps it makes sense to take a breather in some area, even let it go with the flow, switch to other options. Then there will be a chance that the problem will disappear on its own along with. Employment in any field will leave no room for negative thoughts.

These tips will help you deal with mental pain. However, it will be impossible to say goodbye to a heavy inner feeling forever without appropriate efforts. A person who wants to regain his joy can only achieve this by going through changes within himself or in his environment. Any changes require a sincere desire, strength, so you have to try hard for your own happiness. But isn't it worth it?