How to get rid of the role of the victim. What is useful time loneliness

Indeed, it is often nothing, at first glance, does not foreshadow trouble. And one that yesterday looked with adoration and admired by your beauty, today timidly removes his eyes and pretends that there was no "yesterday" at all. Women such a situation seems scary sleepWhen it is only worth waking up and everything will be as before. Gradually comes awareness and then the first thought is "How could he?", Then comes "Why?" And "How to return the former relationship?" But whether to return them, let's try to figure out our article.

A man can leave different reasons. Therefore, to the question "Why?" Answer options may be set. We provoke the departure of the head of the family can the appearance of a child, morally not ready for this father treat him as an opponent who takes the lion's stake and love. Someone does not suit the equal relationship, someone, on the contrary, excessive guardianship or permanent jealousy. In the end, a woman may simply not justify the desires of a man or, with joint living, it turns out that they have different goals in life. One thing can be said for sure that if the partner is solved on breaking the relationship, it does not suit something in them specifically. The exception is only those male representatives who change women like gloves, trying to find their ideal. Such behavior requires a serious psychological correction, but our article is a little about another.

Women, when they finally realize that they were thrown, often behave not quite adequately. Almost every of them there is a desire to return their former relationships at any cost, the more exacerbate the soreness of the break. Doing this categorically should not. Before doing something, you need to calm down and try to understand why this unpleasant situation happened to you. And for this, it will not be superfluous to deal with the scheme for which relations between two loving people are being built.

By nature, the man is more hot, rather than a woman and, accordingly, a sense of love he begins to experience faster. This is due to the fact that its main purpose in life is the continuation of a kind, which is why representatives of the strong sex are not guessing themselves, trying to produce as much offspring as possible, without hesitation, whether they need these relationships or not. Everything is done at the subconscious level. In women, their natural psychology is somewhat different. According to the famous American psychiatrist and authors of a number of psychological bestsellers Milton Erikson, a woman puts out a child not 9 months old, and 18 years old. It is so much time you need to make a decision on the continuation of the kind. That is why women fall in love much slower than men.

But love is only the beginning of the relationship. Next follows both in a certain illusory state. When and the man and the woman lay on each other big hopes And they emphasize some partner, sometimes not even existing advantages, closing his eyes on his true face. This is due to the fact that they unconsciously think that this time their dreams are destined to come true. But each other they do not speak about them. Because of this during long time The woman's relationship may not know about the habits of his partner, the objectives of his life, disadvantages and dark sides, tied to it all stronger and stronger. The same applies to the man in love with her, who also stays in illusory dreams for some time. However, the woman in the relationship is inserted more.

What does this mean, you can explain simple example. Seeing a dress on a shop window this moment There is not enough money, a woman mentally no longer represents himself in him, but also scrolls in the head those compliments that she expects to hear about him, a possible envy of girlfriends, admiration of male colleagues, etc. That is, it is invested in this dress with emotions, leaving their desires, dreams and hopes on the shop window. A woman even having money, already mentally buys him. Also happen and with her man liked. She mentally tries on the role of his halves and, even losing the scenario in the head of the further development of relations. The same happens with a man, only he lights up faster and also quickly blows up. In women, these processes pass much slower.

Mutual sympathy contributes to the development of relations, which, too, need to be investing both partners, understanding and with pleasure by fulfilling each other's desire. This manages to achieve only if there are the same values \u200b\u200bin life, the ability to forgive and find a compromise. If this is not, the pair starts misunderstanding and tapping, which are still bored by the state of love in which they are. But over time, dissatisfaction with each other begins to accumulate and, in the end, splashes outward, inexorably leading to the rupture. The fact that he most often happens on the initiative of the man is explained by the fact that the woman is more patient in nature and can forgive for a long time, and put up with inconveniences. To clearly explain this, again we give a simple example, a certain group of men's goods, unlike women, always buy in the same well-proven place. And if he suddenly turns out to be poorly, representatives of strong sex no longer buy it there.

Also in relationships, they will not return to where they at least once summed up, did not meet expectations and gave false hopes. Women with this everything is much more difficult. They, as a rule, give one chance, then another one can continue indefinitely. A man immediately and without regret takes all that he has already invested in relations, including feelings, whatever he has experienced. It happens that all this he takes earlier, even before you finally leave. And when he makes the last decisive step, the woman remains in bewilderment, although in fact the breaking of the relationship occurred much earlier, and she did not understand it and did not notice.

And, since the feelings, hopes and expectations of the abandoned woman were left by her now former partner, it will make every effort to return it. Go to move:

• Cosmetic salons for radical changes in appearance;
• Visiting grandfather-dealer-sorcerers of psychics;
• Frequent calls, hysterics, visits to work;
• Immediate search for a new lover, etc.

However, as a rule, she just encourages her former partner to run away from her and, if possible, to completely eliminate meetings and contacts. And it is not surprising, because all his own, which was invested in the relationship, he had already taken away when he left. Former partner now he is already not interested. She became a stranger to him and again to invest in her, he no longer had no strength, no desire. And, it is possible that he has already invested his feelings, dreams, hopes and expectations to another lady and now relations develop with her rapidly.

In this case, the abandoned woman can advise the following: realize that you are now a foreign person for him, which means that now he sees all your shortcomings and does not expect anything from you. He is no longer experiencing for old feelings in relation to you, and your hysteries will only increase the resulting abyss between you.

• Survive the main stages of loss - denial, pain, regret, and then try to return everything that was invested in this man and, finally, to complete the relationship for his part, a leaking and letting go to the partner who threw you.
• According to psychologists, with a decent passing of the first two conditions for the completion of relations, the discontinuity of which occurred on the initiative of the partner, the woman appears a chance, if not to return the former feelings, then try to start with this person all over again. But this chance, as a rule, is no longer necessary.

A decent passage of all three points described above gives an abandoned woman the opportunity, not remembering the past, to start a new relationship, as soon as a decent candidacy appears on the horizon. And it will be easy for her to do it, because the past has already been left in the past and the memories of it do not them.

For you, dear readers, our article - "How worthy to survive the separation".

How worthy to survive parting

Memories, like a snowball, pumped on you 24 hours a day, not leaving any friends or friends at the party ... even in the bathroom? The image of the former belly pops up and in a dream, and in reality, in each pass? You can't get rid of gloomy thoughts about past love failures?

Undoubtedly, it is difficult, but it is obliged to do it. How? Let's start with the most important ...

Are you still moving your photos with him? Urgently to get rid of this habit! Throw out co-kept love letters, su-lies and gifts that resemble a lost feeling. And the photographs of the men with whom you were disturbed, return their owner, since you, blessing photos - not very good sign. Do not want to meet with your ex? The moves of his photos by mail.

If you are resolutely configured to gain new Love In the near future, take advantage of the following tips.

Remember that love attracts any paired figures (read Feng Shui). Purchase the figures of doves, swans or cranes - they are symbol-lyse the strong loving couples, which cannot be separated. Ksta, if you have a favorite cup, but she is alone - buy her a couple.

Your house should not have pictures, paintings depicting a lonely woman. Similar approxims attract the energy of the same element.

Also, the powerful source of bla-chopper energy is growing. Clear and curly growing is better to remove, it is believed that they are able to "survive" a man from home. Cacti can be dangerous. And in the bedroom there is no desirable presence of indoor plants.

If you have just divorced or parted with your passion, then the bed is better to change, as it retains the energy of the former par-tnan.

What is useful time loneliness?

But in general, think, maybe you should not hurry the events and Ryano to catch in search of a new happiness?! After all, now you have an excellent opportunity to do what we did not have time before, devote all your free time to yourself. How long have you dreamed to learn to knit or embroider with a cross, speech in three languages, master the technique of dancing belly? It's time to embody your dreams to life. Boldly sign up for chickens, buy a tutorial and go ahead!

It is not necessary to engage in self-esteem, taking all the blame for the collapsed relationship only for yourself. In no case do not hide in the four walls and do not look for any rescue in a sandwich and chocolate. Watch your appearance and experiment with it. For example, go to the mahher's wig, make a new hairstyle, change the color of the Los. Come on stores and buy what you like to you, because there is no one next to those who say: "This is too short, it is too bright, and this is not good at all ..." By the way, it is believed to be a woman change your image every three years! So, your update time has come! No one has given flowers for a long time? Give them yourself! Or take a bath, put on the most luxurious outfit and just walk around the surroundings, co-launching the frank glances of the nia of men and a little envious looks of women. Do not refuse to communicate with friends, just let us understand that you should not regret you and watch on an abandoned kitten. After all, when one door is closed, it is sure to open another! By the way, at the expense of the livestock, maybe you should make yourself a devotee and loving four-gogo friend?!

In general, lovely ladies, enjoy every upcoming day, take everything she gives you from life! See, happiness will not make you wait for yourself, and maybe tomorrow will open up your arms only for you!

Find the strength to "under-tool" yourself. To begin with, you need to use the Pra-forms of seven "not":

Start implementing your "Demoding" plans and dreams. Remember them and immediately start implementing.

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Few whoever in life did not know for a long time to part with the closest and most expensive in the world

Almost always it becomes a serious test, especially if you do not imagine life without the second half. How to spend the days of separation with minimal moral damage?

Modern busy rhythm of life dictates their rules. So I sometimes have to agree on temporary separation with your loved one - due to study, work, housing or some complex life situations. In case two only check your feelings, these partings are very difficult: suspicion, doubts and thoughts arise, how to keep her beloved.

In any case, separation is always associated with mental suffering, especially for the one who was not the initiator. It happens that the resentment or fire of passion flashes with even greater force, and then wait to become at all unbearable. A couple of course to part should be examined by the experience of "experienced" lovers who know exactly how to survive the separation.

Do not live with each other!

When thinking about separation, the question arises: what kind of time can the steam hold, while maintaining strong feelings? And stay, strictly speaking, a couple. The results of statistical surveys have shown that the separation of 17% of respondents is ready to survive in three months; 27% believe that feelings are preserved no more than six months; 36% ready for one year old separation. Desperate romance, which amounted to 15%, believe in the opportunity to love in a distance of two years. Finally, the remaining 5% of the soul hopes that in love and five years of separation are not a hindrance.

Here it is necessary to understand that the separation of parting is dismissed, and its reason is of great importance. When a target for which the separation is to be survived, it is extremely important for you both when the decision on parting is made together, when none of the parties are stirred at the same time, then, perhaps, the temporary separation will only make your relationship with hard and allow you to check them on strength.

back side Medals

Even if you are very bad, it must be remembered that love flour brings a mental experience that nothing will replace. Everyone dreams to experience great love, but for some reason no one is preparing for possible troubles and heart pain. The reverse side of the medal that is present in love is sadness. If you strong personality Or consider itself as such - remove lessons from your negative experiences.

Of course, suffering is also different. Sometimes they do not enrich the personality, but they destroy it, turning into the masochist complex. A person no longer sees anything around, except for his own suffering, he revels them, poisoning his existence and life of loved ones. Such fanatical love threatens neurosis, headaches, fainting, decreased immunity. According to statements of modern psychologists, passionate love can be equated with such diseases as alcoholism and drug addiction. Therefore, it is better not to bring yourself when separated with your beloved to a serious depressive state.

The first days are the hardest

At this time, you are not yet accustomed to the fact that the second half is not there. Nevertheless, try, if possible, think optimistic. It is not necessary to stock windscaretries and shed while watching your favorite melodrama - so you just squander yourself. It is better to watch a new comedy or invite friends who have not seen for a long time. You should look for an answer not to a meaningless question: "How will I live without her (Him)?", And on quite real: "How can you spend this time with maximum benefit?"

The first days of separation are suitable for planning their actions for the period of parting. It is no secret that the lack of a loved one gives a good opportunity to "unload" a little bit of their personal time. Remember that you have chronically lacked time, which you have long dreamed of which unfinished affairs are available. Just make a plan of your actions by day - and proceed to its implementation.

Focus on yourself

You can not admit: when your favorite person was near, most of your energy went into the field of relationships. And now it's time to do exclusively! Women should advise taking baths, walking on massage, cleaning face, manicure and pedicure, shopping.

Strengthen yourself spiritually: someone tries to support those who need help, someone is engaged in meditation, and someone in the peaceful state of the Spirit leads simple contemplation of glare on water or classical music.

At this difficult time surround yourself with family. If your relationships with relatives and friends have been significantly affected due to the fact that most of the time you were dedicated to our half, now it comes the best period for the restoration of old connections.

Positive, and once again positive!

Many people choose an outdoor activities in the separation. It is quite justified: joyful emotions help to fit, or even smooth the bitterness of parting.

You have not seen you for a long time with best friend? Could you not carve time for a hike on the city beach or in the cinema? Dreamed of spending at home a noisy party? Use the separation time to meet with friends, cheerful rest with them.

Consolation in the work is also an excellent method, since some of us are much easier to cope with separation and in general with any trouble, taking themselves to business. So distract thoughts from love productive activities - Great way out of position. Take additional work to the house, delay in the office, finish the "tails", shall be new project, Decide accumulated questions with bosses and colleagues.

Of course, it is also necessary to observe a reasonable measure. Do not turn into workaholic! Excessive emphasis on work will lead to overwork, physical exhaustion and stress. And then, returning finally home, your half will find there is exhausted and exhausted by the work of man - and you are unlikely you want to present such a surprise.

Forgotten hobby will also come to the revenue in the fight against depression. Feel free to get an unranished scarf or sketchnik with paints from distant drawers. It will be even better to discover something new, then what you used to and did not think to do. So, it is unexpected for yourself to captivate with flowers or some extreme sport.

Experiment, look for a lesson that can please you.
License with a loved one is not a reason to be sad. This time can be used to implement long-standing plans, new discoveries and accomplishments, devote him to yourself and fulfill their desires.

Small tricks against longing

If in spite of everything you feel in separation of loneliness and unbearable longing, then there are a lot of psychological techniques that help get rid of negative experiences.

It will be about small romantic and sentimental tricks that will help in separation to keep gentle feelings and mental intimacy. To sense the presence of your loved one, even when it is not there, you can continue to make those familiar things that you have done together before separation, for example, morning jogging.

Take your favorite about your achievements, and he will tell about his successes. It used to easier to survive the separation, it was necessary to write letters and order long-distance negotiations. And today the Internet gives in love with a lot of opportunities to communicate in real time and see each other on the screens of monitors. You can have time from time to arrange the collaborative views of the movies at a distance.

If you both love to read, send each other read and favorite books with personal notes, and the better they will be, the better. Frank messages sent to personal mail, also revive feelings. So do not skimp on emotions and more often write warm words from which the heart melts.

Each separation is a new meeting!

When the separation time passes (excellent if you spend it with benefit) you will need to adequately prepare for the return of your loved one. Mouse over the house order, prepare a delicious dinner or order a table in the restaurant. Be sure to prepare some surprise - flowers, poster (for example, "with the return!"), A nice gift. Let the beloved person understand how the meeting is important for you. And you will be pleasant to such troubles.

If your efforts justified, and feelings did not cool, you are waiting for an adaptation period, which will be imprisoned not only in enjoying from physical proximity, inaccessible for both over long months. Sincere conversations, joint ordinary affairs (purchases, preparation of dinner or walking in the park), in which romance appeared again, will become apotheosis of happiness after a long expectation of the meeting.

Divorce - new life or severe loss? My story

To date, I do not regret anything that once broke up with my husband. Our family broke up very quickly, we did not even live together. But during this time I understood how it should look, and that this from my exorbitant was not possible to achieve.

The reason for my divorce was covered in its relationship, and later in treason. The husband began to avoid me, did not pay attention to me, constantly brought to tears and left serious conversations. I loved him, I wanted children, and he told that he was not ready. I started asking a question, why did I get married at all, just from hopelessness? I was looking for shortcomings and constantly justified him.

But soon I learned the reason for his behavior, he me! Girlfriends told me what was seen in the company unfamiliar girl. But I did not pay attention to it. After some time, he began to disappear on business trips or linger at work. In the phone I saw his correspondence with some Alena and understood everything.

I asked him a question directly, he opened his mystery without any stunning. He said that he was walking and could be calming, you just need time, but I still didn't believe him and did not forgive.

With such a person, I could not live, and my husband was not averse to divorce to become free and walk on.

Close people do not support your divorce - make them change their mind!

On the first day I called my mother who took my news with irony. She tried me to convince me that I myself had invented that the correspondence was not a reason for a divorce. But when she found out that my spouse himself admitted to treason, very upset. I convinced my mother that while I was young and we still don't have children, you need to solve this question dramatically. She supported me, and said that this is not the end of my story, and that is still ahead.

There were still close people who were not thrown in a difficult moment, and for it, thank you so much. Among them were divorced, and again married, and even those who after the divorce never found woman's happiness. And I wanted to become the former, cheerful and happy.

Speak your loved ones Only the truth, do not exaggerate and do not understand the circumstances. Native people will always understand you and support in a difficult moment.

How to survive a divorce with your beloved husband and pull yourself out of depression?

No matter how difficult it is, but you need to try. Estimation, fears, insult are those satellites that pursue each woman after a divorce. Therefore, you need to learn to think about good.

If there are children, it is better to think about them. If they are not, then there will be excellent options:

• planning a trip to rest;
• organization of meeting with friends;
• view your favorite films, better comedies;
• even simple cooking dinner or dinner will help distract.
• many women argue that the work on the house distracted them from problems and quarrels. You can extract two uses from one classes.

Leave her husband all together htized and leave the right way!

Change of the situation - the best way Faster to forget about problems. The apartment where we lived with a former husband was His, so I had to move. I went to my parents: where my childhood passed. As the magic - only I came, it became much easier for me. Home furnishings, memories of happy childhood Forced me to forget me about the problems that followed me throughout the year. And parental care and support helped me and recover at all.

Some even leave for another city to completely erase memories. Sometimes it happens so painful to see places, walk on the streets where you were happy, or even worse - see your former woman.

Fitness helped survive depression after a divorce and transform yourself

They say, even simple haircut is able to help in this difficult situation. During the marriage, I had a little assumed about myself, stopped to care for hair and face, and tears left the track on it.

After all this, I was born again. Just thoughts became others: how I look, if I like others, and where to go to show all this. For a while I forgot about problems and concerns.

Find yourself a hobby - why not!

My hobby has become a sports I often went to the gym, worked hard. This way distracts well, it is unlikely during running or raising the rod want to think about the past.

Another indispensable attribute was a boxing pear, I splashed the whole negative on it.

In the rest of my free time I was working, went to visit my friends and spent a good time.

"You yourself are to blame for the divorce," the inner voice says to me. Is it so?

Many women consider themselves to be guilty divorced. It so happened that in divorce the women blamed themselves: if the wife stops like and satisfy her husband, then the male floor wants freedom and something new. Asks, why then marries? Men require a lot of attention as little children. And women, like homemade kittens, become quiet and monophonic.

When a man wants something new, and he is dissatisfied with a woman, then the fault here is not only her. Why not divert life with his wife, not to start careful to her, and again become how many years ago, in love with the loss of a couple consciousness. Many men believe that their role is only in making money and the continuation of the kind, and everyone else will make women.

Therefore, one-sided guilt of a woman is not here. And the husband and the wife should equally support their marriage. If you blame only yourself, then you can stay alone until the end of life, and the former will rejoice in life.

This means is very effective! Getting rid of negative, hatred and anger best helps to start new life. It is not necessary to ask for for forgiveness from him, you can simply let go all the past, mentally say thanks for the lesson and rejoice at life.

Remembering O. former husbandYou do not need to be angry and desire harm, it is better to remember everything calmly. Over time, you start to believe that it was just a dream.

Be confident

After the divorce, I thought it was stigma, the breeding was not needed to anyone. This is the most stupid and erroneous opinion. Now every third divorced. So what happens? Are they unhappy and live alone? This is the most stupid statement of lonely, divorced people.

If a person really loves and wants to build a relationship, he does not hurt him. Otherwise, this is not the man. Belief in yourself and that the best is still ahead that there is a second half - will help to find women's happiness.

This is what different psychologists said about the causes of the divorce - the opinions of specialists about marriage

Psychologist Mikhail Khassminsky considersthat a person has no face between logic and emotions. In marriage and after it, emotions are most often dominated, which can not be explained. People swear, shout on each other, not understanding that words wound more than actions. If a man is wounded, he may forever stay alone and not find his soul mate. It is necessary to logically think about your behavior and words, then everything will be much easier.