How to be happy every day. They develop the ability to recover. Get rid of excess junk

Just as an apple seed has everything it needs to grow and bear fruit, each of us has everything inside it to be happy, loved, and fulfilled. Most logically understand that this is true. Then why do we often make the path to happiness so difficult?

Maybe the reason is, it requires hard work and emotional stress. And since we are humans, we most often try to avoid uncomfortable situations.

We don't look deep inside ourselves for answers because either we don't know how or we're afraid of what we might find. Thus, we take the path of least resistance, external causes and things that bring immediate pleasure.

There is nothing wrong with the fact that we behave in this way, it is natural. And that makes us happy for a while. But lasting happiness, the one that is built on the fundamental knowledge that everything in the world works well, has many levels. And enjoying life is only one part.

In one of the most comprehensive studies in history, known as the Grant study, Harvard researchers studied two hundred and sixty-eight men for seventy-two years. The article "What Makes Us Happy?", published in June 2009 in The Atlantic, reveals some amazing ideas about happiness. From all the data collected and considered in the article, it is concluded that the key to happiness is love. According to this study, love is really all it takes.

For most of my life, I've been looking for acceptance, not love. Even when I thought I was in love, loved and acting with love, it was all just a means to an end. The tool I used to get more than what I have. I did not deceive others and myself, I was just a narcissistic romantic.

I'm missing a key piece to the puzzle. Love for yourself.

As the Beatles sing, “...you can't do anything, but you can learn how to be yourself, it's easy. All you need is Love."

Maybe it's really that simple and there is nothing complicated about it?

Happiness has been quite elusive for me all these years. Constant exciting moments everywhere, followed by the realization that it was all connected to something else, something external.

One day I decided to figure out what love is and how it is emotionally connected with me. I was able to determine what I needed both emotionally and spiritually. As a result, I no longer needed to chase happiness. It just found me by itself, every day waiting for me right outside the doors of my house.

Over the years, I have learned a few rules that have helped me become happy.

Rule #1: Love yourself

There is general rule that we cannot truly love others without loving ourselves. But I don't quite agree with that. From my experience I can say that I loved a lot before I knew how to really love myself. I would give my shirt to anyone, but I wouldn't accept another's shirt.

Love for others is thus based on various motives. More often than not, it's something we're going to get in return, not necessarily something tangible like a shirt, perhaps recognition.

Learn to love yourself and you will need less external forms of recognition to be happy.

Rule #2: Expect Less

As they say, "waiting is training for resentment." Do you want to be happy? Expect less of yourself and others.

It sounds pretty depressing, but it's all because you're making unreasonable demands on yourself.

When you build relationships according to the rule:

"let's return everything as it was", you limit yourself and your life to past experiences. Why limit yourself and those around you to what you have already experienced?

On a recent trip to Belize, I carefully planned the trip to make sure everything was flawless. I put in a lot of effort, as on our first date I asked my wife, "Which place in the world would you most like to visit?" Her response was: “Belize, because I always wanted to learn how to scuba dive and heard that it the best place for diving.

Having become certified divers, and having traveled all over the Caribbean, we finally gathered in Belize. I rented nice apartment on the beach, which received excellent reviews. The only negative mentioned concerned the inconvenience associated with insufficient security and confidentiality, tk. it was the first floor.

Upon arrival, I realized that we were on the first floor 30 m from the ocean coast with a continuous stream of locals passing by. For the first 45 minutes, I felt disappointed about the coming week in this beautiful place.

My wife is an amazing person. She suggested that I just relax because my unfulfilled expectations were taking away my enjoyment of this wonderful place. She was right. I sat and meditated for a few minutes to get back to that moment in our lives when we dreamed of this trip.

In the end, this trip provided us with the most amazing opportunities. Living on the ground floor, right on the beach, allowed us to interact more openly with the locals. We made new friends, immersed ourselves in local events, and found amazing opportunities, many of which would not have been possible if we had retreated to the second or third floor.

Lowering your expectations opens up opportunities for you to do more.

Rule #3: Be Helpful

I believe that there is no greater calling in life than to be of service to others. Imagine a world where everyone wants to help each other.

However, you must be careful not to give help expecting something in return, it should just give you pleasure.

You can be of service anytime, any day, anywhere, regardless of your career or place in life.

Rule #4: Experience gratitude

Anger, fear, unhappiness, any negative feelings cannot find a place in a heart filled with gratitude. One of the ways I practice is with a thank you list.

Write down 10 things you are grateful for. It can be anything, food, housing, hair, a sense of humor. Just write it down on paper. It really works.

Rule #5: Be understood and then understand yourself.

One of the benefits of emotional engagement and self-love is the ability to relate better to others. It is easier for us to understand what another person is experiencing using our own emotions.

When someone cuts you off on the road, think that you have no idea what that person is going through right now. Maybe he's on his way to the hospital to see a child who's been in an accident, or he's late for an important meeting.

Life happens around us, but in us.

Rule #6: Jump out of your comfort zone

The most important turning point in my life was the realization that I needed to change. Not only where I lived and what I lived for, but how I looked at the world and my place in it. I reached this point in total desperation, so I was ready to try anything.

As a result, I had a desire to go completely outside of my comfort zone. I looked for help in books, trainings, spiritual advisors, therapists, everywhere. I thought it would help. Many of them suggested things that I would never have decided if I had not been in complete despair.

For example, when I started new job, my mentor suggested that I introduce myself to three new people every morning on my way to the office.

I said, "I don't like it, I'm shy, don't you know?" He said, "Jared, this is not about you."

Doing things outside of your comfort zone puts you in direct contact with the universe. Such actions facilitate movement in space and time and affect the world around us. Allow us to receive feedback from our environment and develop you through experiences with others.

Rule #7: You will get more bees if you have honey.

This is one of my wife's favorite sayings. And this is very true.

Think - what's in recent times somehow changed your mind or the way you expressed yourself verbally. I mean something that is really somewhere in the depths of your heart, a deep belief or concept of life.

Most likely nothing happened. At least you won't change the way you think because someone brilliantly told you about it.

Think about this the next time you try to prove your point to someone.

Rule #8: Learn to sit quietly alone

It was perhaps the most difficult thing I have ever learned. Like most people around me, my head was filled with fear, guilt, or regret. Sitting in peace and quiet was excruciating and simply impossible. But through self-discovery and hard work, I learned to accept the consequences of being myself.

There is a correlation between the level of happiness I experience and the state of peace and tranquility within me. The better I can meditate and enjoy my alone time, the more complete I feel in all aspects of life.

The main thing that is needed for this is to take a fresh look at yourself and your life.

forget the past

Regretting past opportunities, you waste your strength in vain, giving vent to your weakness. Remember that you will never get back the past, but you can easily miss the present and the future. Get out of your head and get on with today.

Do not try to keep in the present what has long become the past. People often try to maintain stability, their usual way of life. They are afraid to break with relationships and situations that deep down they consider obsolete for themselves, continue to spend their time, effort and energy on them. This can apply to both personal life and work. Stop going with the flow and start acting, think that there is still a lot of new and good ahead.

Don't be bored

Try to find yourself a hobby. There are hundreds of different activities in the world for every taste - from embroidery and drawing to photography and cooking. If it is difficult for you to decide on your passions, go to any hobby portal: look, ask what people are interested in, there will definitely be something that can captivate. This can be a great relaxation from busy workdays.

Live easier

Everyone has duties, the fulfillment of which does not cause delight. However, try not to load yourself with heavy thoughts in anticipation of them. In fact, all these activities do not require such a huge amount of time as it might seem. Pull yourself together and, without delay, start daily, for example, for 30 minutes or an hour, doing the necessary things. The matter will advance much faster, and you will not experience fatigue from this, so it will be much easier to finish what you started.

Create

Learn a non-standard approach to any business. Often things do not bring us pleasure due to the fact that the ways of doing them are boring and monotonous. To remedy this situation, arrange, for example, a competition with yourself. Incentivize yourself with the fact that, for example, working on weekends will bring income, and the completion of some difficult task will bring a pleasant reward-prize.

Listen to yourself

This is very important, because often people are influenced by others. Think about what's best for you. So, if colleagues say that working on Friday is difficult and you should think about the upcoming weekend, do not give in. Finish all the things, having worked hard until the end of the working day, and on the weekend your head will not be filled with working thoughts and fears about the approaching Monday morning.

educate yourself

Remember the student years: life was varied and full of new events and concerns, every day you learned something new. Adult life involves a limited range of household and work responsibilities. Awaken the spirit of knowledge that lives in you, because a person always wants to learn something new, to strive for the unknown. Moreover, now you will get much more pleasure from this, because you will study only for yourself, and not for the sake of good grades in the diploma.

Don't sit in one place

Psychologists say that everyone needs to periodically change the scenery. The best way- go on a trip. Ideally, if it will be a trip abroad. See how people live thousands of kilometers away from you. If there is no opportunity to go abroad, arrange an exciting trip to any of the neighboring cities. In each case, you can find something to see and where to go. The trip will bring freshness to your feelings and emotions, relax and soothe. When you return home, you will be able to look at your affairs and problems with different eyes.

In order to be happy, many people think that you need to work hard and study hard. But this is absolutely not the case, for this it is important to find inner harmony with oneself and the world around. How your life will turn out, everything depends only on you, and not on other people and circumstances. There are several tips on how to learn to live happily.

Be grateful

Often those people who are completely unable to appreciate what they already have are unhappy. Learn to be grateful to everyone and everything around you. After all, happiness, in the first place, does not lie in beautiful house and wealth, but in the people who give it to you. Always thank fate for your parents, soulmates, children, friends and relatives.

Be sure to give thanks for everything that you have achieved in life, for success in school, work, sports and other things that are very important to you, even for very small victories. The more you thank your life, the more pleasant surprises it will give you.

Gain confidence

If a person has low self-esteem and he does not feel the possibilities, he feels wounded, weak and helpless. Such individuals cannot fully enjoy happiness. Because of their cowardice and inaction, they miss important points in life, which may not be in the future. You need to radically change yourself and your thinking. Stop comparing yourself to others, they are no better than you.

Each person has his own talents, you just need to find and reveal them. Do not be afraid to take action, even if nothing works out, this is not the end of the world, because every person makes mistakes, the main thing is not to dwell on them. Do not stand still, move forward stubbornly, trust your intuition and then you will achieve what you dream of.

Learn how to quickly get rid of nervous tension

At some point in life, each person on his way has various problems, which are sometimes difficult to cope with. Troubles can be of a different nature, both at work and in personal life. A person is lost, begins to get nervous, which usually leads to stress and depression. As a result of all this, problems become even greater, your moral and physical health is undermined, and various diseases appear.

To prevent this from happening, you should learn how to get rid of nervous tension. There are many options for this: walks in nature, going to the pool, to the gym, to the movies, doing hobbies or exercising at home. You just need to choose which method is right for you. At such moments, it is important to discard all the troubles and enjoy everything that surrounds you, and then you will be happy.

Appreciate and cherish your loyal friends

Not many in life have true devoted friends, of course, everyone has comrades, acquaintances and close people. Something connects you with all of you, with some - work, with others - common interests, with others - wives and children. But it is very important to have those people who will always support you in difficult times, will rejoice at your achievements and will not betray you in any situation. Such people must be protected and thanked by fate for introducing you to them. But you should also not break ties with all your other comrades, appreciate them too, because on some path their help has been and will be useful to you.

Develop

Another step towards happy life is human development. Many people live ordinary days in which absolutely nothing happens, they are in their own closed world. All this affects a person and sometimes leads to degradation. Time passes, our world is developing and we are with it.

Do not sit in one place, start learning something new, unknown to you. Visit those places in your city where you have not been yet, watch scientific and educational films, do something that is completely new to you, travel and meet interesting people, because happiness is around us and in ourselves. Learning to live happily is extremely necessary, because without it, all days are very similar to gray everyday life.

By the word "happiness" each person means something different, but one thing is for sure: happiness is the ability to enjoy life and inner harmony. It is internal, because happiness is located inside our consciousness, and not in external factors.

Unfortunately, most people cannot call themselves happy, and at best they single out a certain segment of their lives as the most smooth and joyful. Undoubtedly, everyone has troubles. And yet the reason for a joyless life usually lies in the inability to be happy, and now we will pay attention key points this state. Do you want to know how to become happy woman? Then read on!

If there is no happiness

There will always be reasons to be dissatisfied, the main thing is to be able to look for them! Here are the main claims of women to life:

Dissatisfaction with one's own appearance. Women have such a hobby - to doubt their own attractiveness. Someone is too fond of makeup, someone is desperately losing weight. The most interesting thing is that they are trying for men who do not care about their appearance at all. It is worth recognizing one fact: if you are interested in a person, then he will be there, and if not, he is unlikely to notice that you have foundation good quality or the waist has already become 2 cm. Look around, and you will definitely find in your environment a gray mouse in a wrinkled sundress from the year before last collection, which is loved, adored and worn on hands. At the same time, her beautiful girlfriends are trying to figure out how to become happy with the help of external brightness;
Unsuccessful marriage. Common situation, right? The husband completely satisfied his wife before the wedding, and then suddenly stopped. Didn't live up to expectations. In fact, to become a happy woman, one should not look for a meeting with a handsome prince, but be able to accept the one who is nearby. Yes, even if not perfect, but he has not only disadvantages, but also advantages! As soon as you step aside, a dozen people will line up in your place - the fact that there are fewer men than women is not news for a long time;
Loneliness. Not the most pleasant word, but for some reason this state is called that way. No, to say "freedom" ... But people like to exaggerate. First you need to understand that the absence of a relationship is a temporary phenomenon. One day you will have a life partner, but is this a guarantee of happiness? To be free means to enjoy independence and occasionally be sad because there is no one to hug yet. To be alone is to suffer from freedom. But the worst kind of loneliness is the lack of understanding with a partner. The person is nearby, he is with you, and is not going to go anywhere, you sleep with him on the same sofa, but at the same time you are mentally in different galaxies. Loneliness is like happiness, it is only inside our consciousness;
Lack of finance. Unpleasant, but not fatal, and most importantly - fixable. Another thing is that for the sake of a good income, you will either have to sacrifice your free time and work, or depend on someone, and, accordingly, dance to his tune. Or you can just learn to live more modestly - the choice is yours.

And now - the most important thing. Let's move on to real ways become happy!

Appreciate what you have

The phrase “I have nothing good in my life” is pure selfishness. In fact, there is, but not everyone knows how to appreciate it. The saddest thing is that these people realize the true value of everything they had only when they lose it. Find from this list the joys that have become something familiar to you, and therefore invisible:

You look attractive and have good manners;
You know how to feel other people;
You have health. Maybe something in your body and "jumps", but by and large you are healthy;
Do you have a family;
There is at least one person whom you trust and who believes in you;
You have a pet that is happy to see you back from work. By the way, if you don't have one, you can start it - you'll see, life will become much more fun;
You have a roof over your head and you sleep in a warm bed. It doesn't sound like much, but many don't even have that;
You know how to please men;
Do you have a hobby that you enjoy?
You have relatives who will never give up on you.

Apperciate things which you have. Life is an unpredictable thing, and no one knows what will happen tomorrow. If it doesn’t help, imagine for a second that you lost all this at one moment. Everything is elementary: you are on a desert island, you have nothing to eat, and not a soul around. But there are people who survive in such situations!

Let go of the past

In a certain way, everything that happened to you before is reflected in the present, and sometimes in the future. And yet, in most cases, this logical chain has no real basis. For a woman, evil from the past is either not a childhood that would suit her, or a bad experience in a relationship with a man. Let's look at each option separately.

Relationships with parents

As you know, you don’t choose your homeland, and neither do your parents. AT last years You can often hear about such a thing as "unloved children." Each of those who are dissatisfied with their childhood has their own reasons, but what, one wonders, does all this have to do with the present? Have you received little attention? Most likely, they gave exactly as much as they could. Even if this is not so, then taking offense at a mother whose maternal instinct has not awakened is an empty business. She doesn't care and you suffer.

Do you suffer because your parents did not give you a financial start? But the fact is that most people are not of average income, but really very rich, they have achieved their success without outside help. The main part of those who were actively helped by their parents simply lack survival skills, so you can even benefit from this, albeit not materially. Experience and the ability to take care of yourself is the only thing that will save you during serious difficulties.

Unhappy love or failed marriage

It is not necessary to carry the unsuccessful experience of previous relationships with a man from the past into the future. It didn’t work out for you, and this means that he is no longer in your life. The next guy or man will be different, and he will also have flaws, because we do not live among angels. Perhaps you will not be satisfied with his lifestyle, or you will be unhappy with the way he treats you, but in any case, what happened in the past will not happen. You won't let it happen because you already have the experience.

If you have lost faith in the good because of the betrayal of a loved one, or an extremely cruel act on his part towards you, take a time out. Building new relationships under the influence of emotions or resentment against a guy is not The best decision. Concerning heartache, then it needs a way out, not conditions for safe storage. Don't turn depression into a lifestyle, and in the end, treat the situation from a philosophical point of view - after all, everything that does not kill us makes us stronger!

Live in the present

A lot of people put off enjoyment until later. They set goals for themselves and believe that they can only be happy if they achieve them. Let me briefly describe what it looks like.

I will be happy after:

I will get a higher education. A diploma is not a guarantee of happiness. Then there will definitely be a job search, an independent life and endless difficulties that everyone faces;
Will get married. Family life- this is not happiness on a silver platter, but the daily work of building relationships with your spouse;
I am giving birth to a child. Children are happiness, but be prepared for new worries! The child will periodically get sick, and it is not a fact that you will look at the world with him in the same way. He is a separate person, and does not have to be your friend;
I will get a good income. How more money, the more problems, although it seems that it is finances that solve all difficulties. Own business is responsibility. A rich husband is also not the greatest gift of fate. The fairy tale "Cinderella" was read by everyone, but for that it is a fairy tale to end with a wedding. In reality, getting married becomes the starting point, and it is likely that you will be regularly reminded that before marriage you lived more than modestly;
I will bring my appearance to perfection. Even if you settle in the gym, or keep a diet all the time, it’s not a fact that it will bring you woman's happiness. You can still get carried away with plastic surgery or endless visits to a beautician, but this does not guarantee you anything. A woman who evaluates herself only in terms of appearance is interesting to men only as a sexual partner. Of course, this applies to those girls who, apart from beauty, have nothing more to boast of.

In fact, the secret of happiness lies in the ability to enjoy the here and now. While walking, you can enjoy fresh air. You can please yourself with delicious food, beautiful clothes, communication with loved ones. Why wait for something that might not come? First of all, in our hands is not the future, but the present. Becoming a happy woman is not only real, but also easy!

What does it mean to be happy man? It is to live with joy, with a sense of inspiration from every day. And the unfortunate? This is when even significant achievements and victories do not bring the expected pleasure to a person, there is little to please, inspiration is lost, enthusiasm fades away. This is when, reaching the intended goal, there is no feeling of jubilation, but rather the bitterness of disappointment and the futility of the efforts spent. When, instead of anticipating greater happiness, dissatisfaction grows, reducing the quality of life.

When was the last time you felt exceptionally happy? When did you enjoy life, environment, weather, children? Even the happiest of us will surely admit that life often brings unpleasant surprises, and at certain moments it even seems that “the black streak has somehow dragged on”. We do not take from life all that it can give. Bad states arise and accumulate: resentment, anger, fears, depression, longing, dissatisfaction with life, people, fate ...

Modern psychology shows that this sad situation is due to the fact that modern man simply does not know how to receive. Receive the happiness that life gives him. What is happiness, receiving and giving in our life? Explains the System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan.

The concentration of egoism is a clot of receiving

Each of us is born to satisfy our desires. The greatest altruist differs from the last egoist only in the level of realization of the innate properties of the psyche.

For example, you can get into emotional fulfillment both through aerobatics - compassion, empathy and sacrificial love for people, and through primitive feelings - drawing attention to your person, emotional blackmail, tantrums and showdown. Naturally, the intensity and fullness of the enjoyment of realization will be completely different in such cases.

Each of our desires pushes us to search for options for its satisfaction, each property of the psyche strives to be realized.

The entire path of human development is an attempt to realize oneself even more fully, even more complex, even more voluminous. This is due to the fact that each realized desire immediately gives birth to a new, doubled, increased, grown in strength. The principle of doubling desire pushes us forward and up, on the rise. We cannot rest on our laurels and rest our whole lives on the laurels of one victory.

The process of realization continues every day of our lives. But the period of possible development of the properties of the psyche is limited by the time until the end of puberty. To what level psychological properties will have time to develop in childhood, with such a potential we will enter adulthood.

He knows how to eat, so he knows how to live

A person generally begins with one big “I want”. The very first cry of a baby means only one thing: “Give!” The very first and burning desire is the desire for food. Teaching a child to accept food with gratitude means laying a healthy psychological foundation for the further development of the child's innate properties.

The joint table plays an extremely important role in building relationships within the family. Sharing food with relatives, we feel their closeness, consider them “ours”, enjoy together, form a psychologically healthy atmosphere in the family, help build emotional ties among family members and strengthen in children a sense of security and safety, which is essential for the adequate development of the properties of the child's psyche .

The ability to take food with gratitude, and subsequently share it with others, is the basis on which all further human attitude to life is built. Therefore, it is so important to acquire initial skills in childhood, during the period of intensive psychological development personality.

As much as the habit of receiving food favorably affects the development of the child, the effect of forced feeding on the child's psyche and health is detrimental. Most of negative states, complexes and bad life scenarios are rooted in childhood and are somehow connected with food.

The child is eaten without a previous desire for food, the parents practically beat off the child's taste for life. He loses the ability to enjoy what he has, what fate gives him, what he gains in life. Since childhood, there is no joy from receiving, there is no satisfaction from filling the very first, basic human lack - the desire for food, which means that it is very difficult to enjoy even more complex needs.

As a result, even significant achievements and victories do not bring the expected pleasure to a person, there is little to please, inspiration is lost, and enthusiasm fades. Even reaching the intended goal, there is no feeling of jubilation, but rather one feels the bitterness of disappointment and the senselessness of the efforts spent. Dissatisfaction grows, reducing the quality of life.

How to learn to receive

You can learn to receive, accept with gratitude and enjoy life even in adulthood.

A deep awareness of those processes that have been living with us for more than 50 thousand years, an understanding of those deep unconscious motives, desires and mechanisms that lead us through life, can correct omissions in the past, bringing to the surface the best that each of us is capable of.

Only having dealt with the nature of our own psyche, we get the opportunity to change something in our lives.

Register for the next course of free online lectures on systems-vector psychology Yuri Burlan and allow yourself to accept new knowledge into your life that can change it for the better.

The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»