Nata Karlin

In our world, the ability to speak correctly and beautifully, pays a lot of attention. Courses and trainings are organized, a lot of cognitive programs have been issued that contribute to the development of the gift of speech, teach right turns And the ability to express your thoughts. However, we forget that in human communication it is important not only to speak, no less significant - listen and hear the interlocutor.

The ability to listen to others is considered one of the manifestations of culture, good upbringing and self-sufficiency. A person who is attentively listening to the interlocutor makes it consider his positive emotions, such as:

• Pleasant excitement;
• Feeling of own importance and need.

Listening to the interlocutor, you give him to feel happy, thus expressing my support, and his art of the speaker.

A person who knows how to listen carefully, learns a lot of new things, thinks and constitutes the right thing in his head, a logical answer to his questions. This ability helps to achieve respect in society, and in the career growth of considerable heights. If you learn "not to turn off" your brain at the time when you tell you something, do not think about outsiders, you will understand that the world will know through human communication with its advantages and minuses.

How to develop the ability to listen and understand people?

You do not interrupt a person, look into his eyes and pretend what you listen. However, you catch yourself on the thoughts that you do not understand, and do not realize the words spoken by him. Therefore, remember the rules that will help you develop the ability to listen and hear the interlocutor:

Workout

The ability to listen begins with the introduction of the brain into a state close to the feelings of the baby. He perceives the surrounding sounds, appreciating them and sharing good and bad. Its attention is concentrated on all sounds, in order to extract important information from this, and take advantage of it in the future. Exercise to estimate the words that you hear from the interlocutor, highlighting the most important and noted unnecessary.

Consciousness

Try to all that tell you a person leading to you conversation, reached your mind. Listen to the actively by connecting to this process not only the physiological abilities of the body to hearing, but also the process of perception and understanding of information.

Listen to the end

Do not try to interrupt a person at the moment when he says something wrong. In my head "Talk" at the points where you need clarification, refutation or an additional question. Do not join the controversy until you hear what the interlocutor wants to tell you. Understand the words that he pronounces, and the subtext says.

It is better to listen to the end and understand how to kill, arrange a scandal and offend a person undeservedly.

Empathy

During a conversation with a man, mentally put yourself in his place. Try to "get into his skin" and survive those sensations he is experiencing. Fullying a person, you will understand the true meaning of his words, more precisely to catch the goal that he pursues, chatting with you. Psychologists are joking that in order to hear a person we have one ear, and in order to understand the meaning of his words - another.

Everyone has a special communication style. Educated and tactful are able to formulate phrases, build a logical story, and tell that it is possible to deny it. But not all of us are the same, sometimes you have to listen to the person who is pleasant to you, but the gift of communication is endowed with at least. Then the judge is not how the person says correctly, but what he tries to tell you. Get rid of the consciousness of our own superiority over the interlocutor. Concentrate on the content of the conversation.

Criticism

Do not think about other problems during the conversation, even if you consider the topic of the conversation not interesting. Remove the rational grain from each conversation. It happens that in the usual conversation, you can find something important and informative. Critically evaluate what you are told, but catch the essence of the conversation and look for central moments.

"Tick"

As mentioned above, put "checkmarks" at those moments in communication that require a detailed answer or for more information. But do not let your thoughts leave the topic of conversation. Do not formulate the response at the time when the interlocutor still says. Concentrating on the right answer, you miss the culmination of the conversation, and the further development of the topic.

Optimism

If you enter with a person in a conversation in order to learn interesting and useful for yourself, it is understood that you are full of optimism and desire to listen to the interlocutor. Try to find that thread that connects you with this person in this momentAnd do not miss her mind on continuing to communicate. Feeling an internal relationship, you will be a pleasant that conversation in which you entered.

Thoughts

By choosing the topic of the conversation, do not retreat from it, do not get distracted by thinking in the smallest things that you currently do not need. Casting the thread of the necessary information, the thought process concentrates on the main topic of the conversation. Then you can easily link all the facts received from the person with the picture that "draws" the brain to you.

Strain the brains

If you have a goal to increase brain activity, begin the knowledge of the material with the azov. Only then proceed to difficult tasks. Now, looking for a response from the interlocutor to difficult questionYou can build a logical chain from the information received, where every link will be in its place.

Synesthesia

This complex word combines the possibility of human brain to concentrate and process information obtained from several sources. We communicate with the world through 5 communication channels: view, touch, smell, hearing and taste receptors. Reinforce the data obtained in the conversation by another communication channel.

Imagination

The development of the ability to listen is impossible without the work of imagination. Scientists found out that we listen to the left hemisphere of the brain, but in the process of understanding the information received, the whole brain is involved in the work. Therefore, listening to the interlocutor, draw pictures of what he tells about. Let it relate to the lecture that the teacher reads, "write" in the head formula, which is depicted on the board. You will be able to tie the words that he pronounces, the meaning of the symbols and remember this equation.

Openness

Do not go from the problem that you are unpleasant in the words of the speaker. Disagreement you express it later. In the meantime, listen to the point of view of a person, compare the arguments, look for the meaning between the rows and set the priorities. Respect someone else's point of view, it has the right to life just like your own.

The rate of the thought process

Cool. While the opponent says, you can appreciate his words, foresee the further development of the monologue, summarize the facts, weigh all the "for" and "against" and formulate the answer.

Scattered

People suffering from the lack of concentration of attention, one of the worst interlocutors. If you feel your drawback, do not think about it in the process of communication. If you do not focus on the fact that now your brain will "turn off" from the topics of the conversation, and you are afraid of this, then this fact will not happen. This drawback is amenable to "treatment" - forget about him, and put a conversation with an interesting person.

Break

Rather, it concerns business negotiations. It is impossible to ask for a lecturer to interrupt 5 minutes so that the brain rested, and with the new force took up the assimilation of the information. In business conversation, such a move is possible. Listen to the interlocutor until you feel that you can perceive the information emanating from it. As soon as you start distracted by the topic of the conversation, take a break. Ten minutes is quite enough.

Conversational communication

To achieve perfection in the ability to correctly express your thoughts and competently formulate phrases.

Learn from them to be interesting and build the right monologue. Improving this skill, you can be the same interesting interlocutor who will be happy to listen to, without interrupting.

Pose

A convenient body position when communicating guarantees 50% of success. If you are sitting on a solid low stool, after a few minutes your muscles are "oppressed" by such a body position. You will be distracted by your discomfort, and the conversation will go to a dead end. A person will understand that you are not listening to him, and just stop the story. Stay with convenience (possible in a specific situation), and get ready for conversation.

Health

Of great importance for the ability to perceive information, the physical and spiritual health of the listener has the physical and spiritual health. If you are in good physical form, calm and ready for communication, you will not only be interesting to listen to you, but also nice.

Test "What is the listener?"

Answer all questions "Yes" or "No". Each positive answer is 1 point.

1. I caught a thought, and then listen to me not interesting.
2. Waiting for the end of the narrative.
3. We focus on the topic of conversation.
4. I am looking for a subtext.
5. I interrupt, but only in order to clarify the details or permanent.
6. We start a conversation to another topic, if this is not interesting to me.
7. Let's notice.
8. I do not consider it necessary.
9. I remove the rational grain from any conversation.
10. I listen to the end even when I do not agree with the opponent.
11. I think about the answer during the monologue of the partner.
12. I do not listen to the lengthy narration of the interlocutor.
13. I highlight only the necessary and important for me.
14. Listen from politeness.
15. I identify myself with a speaker.
16. I interrupt at that moment when I do not agree with the man.
17. Most often nodding in agreement.
18. Clearly and truthfully answer the questioned question.
19. People love to talk to me.
20. After speech the interlocutor, I express my point of view.
21. Do not talk to strangers.
22. I try not to take a look from the eye of the interlocutor.
23. I accept the point of view of the opponent, but I have my own.
24. I pretend that I listen to, I miss.
25. I think about the solution to the problem at the moment when a person still says.
26. I understand that the meaning of the said person may have his own.
27. I correct the errors of the interlocutor (semantic and phonetic).
28. Do not listen to those who are notteen of my attention.
29. I enjoy the conversation with people.
30. I listen more, and I speak less.

Consider the number of points:

From 25 to 30 - a great listener.

From 20 to 24 - a good listener, but it is necessary to improve this skill.

From 10 to 14 - a bad listener.

Up to 9 points - analyze your mistakes, otherwise people will refuse to communicate with you.

March 1, 2014.

Listening does not always mean hearing. The inability to perceive the information produces an ambiguous impression on the interlocutors. You may find inattentive, indifferent or finally, inept. If you want to make a pleasant impression, learn to hear and understand.

The ability to listen not everyone is endowed. That is, we perceive the sounds, we understand, but only some have a gift to hear the interlocutor, perceiving exactly what they say, and not surviving their attitude to the said. Why are we ready to talk endlessly to anyone with one people, and communication with others becomes a serious test?

Universal formula of the right hearing, apparently does not exist - it all depends on the individuality of the narrator and the situation. When business conversation, you should record information and repeat key points. Personal communication involves more variety: Sometimes it is necessary to support a person, feeling the situation, sometimes to exchange bright impressions, sometimes entertain, told the appropriate anecdote.

But with any type of hearing it is necessary close attention To what they are told. Perhaps the ability to plunge into someone's feelings and share them - more important skill in communication than the gift of an interesting narrator. If you are silent throughout the conversation, demonstrating sincere interest and asking questions on the topic, your visa will face the impression that you are a very pleasant interlocutor. To establish contact, listen more, ask without intrusiveness about the interests of another person. Speak about yourself only to maintain a conversation.

Another important point is an adjustment under the interlocutor at which a person understands that you are "one blood". The adjustment is to repeat gestures, facial expressions, eye expressions, lexicon, even respiratory rhythm. If you feel the interlocutor truly, the adjustment will happen by itself, without any tension. Verifying contact is important, but not a duration, but the expression of your view and face. Look at the interlocutor goodwill, having a look when you feel it is necessary.

Avoid conflict items - negative assessments, objections, accusations, complaints and reproaches. Slide the useful skill of total "yes", then your communication will be pleasant and productive even with incomplete agreement. The masters of communication repeat the thoughts made by the interlocutor, in their own words, specifying and somewhat changing the shade of heard. The technique of "translation" helps better understand each other and coordinate the position. Do not neglect with trifles - nodes, approving interjections and other signs, giving understanding your attitude to words.

You can start learning correct communication from any reception - they are all useful, but be sure to learn to perceive the speech of the interlocutor, without trying to broadcast its content on their own situation. Only having mastered the rules of the right listening, you can proceed to the development of the art of dialogue.

Listen not to hear

Remember how often, communicating with a unconscious man, you paid more attention to thinking about your next replica, and not the content of the interlocutor said? You can tell what exactly you were talking about or imprinted only your answers?

Today, thanks modern means Communications, contacts between people are much easier than another 30 years ago. In the same time technical means Prevent the true understanding of the other side. For such a short period of time, we almost completely learned to effectively interact with people, limiting the transmission of the necessary information. The problem was acute so much that many serious companies spend trainings for their employees, teaching their skills to the right hearing. Top managers understand well that productive cooperation directly depends on the ability of each employee to communicate with clients.

The famous businessman, the founder "" and the billionaire is convinced that the effective exchange of information inside the company is impossible without the ability to listen and hear. His opinion is confirmed by multiple studies: active listeners have a circle of communication always wider, and they themselves are reliably protected from stress.

Rules attentive listeners

We hope that they convinced you to learn to hear the interlocutor? We offer to get acquainted with the basic principles of the attentive listener.

1. Learn to silent

As Mark Twain spoke, if a person had been more adapted to conversations than to the hearing, he would have two languages \u200b\u200band one ear. Make the pauses in words, do not seek to attract the attention of all those present by continuous monologues. Get rid of the habit of overdone the interlocutor, even if it seems to you that you have already understood the essence of what he wants to say.

2. Listen carefully

Chatting with someone, try not to be distracted by unauthorized interference: Disconnect the phone, computer, etc. Contact contact you can fully concentrated on the subject of the conversation. Do not be distracted by extraneous thoughts, postpone reflections on traffic jams and bad weather. There is nothing worse than an understanding that you do not listen to, but in other realities - continue to communicate under such conditions, not everyone will want.

3. Enter yourself at ease

If you are in moderation relaxed, the interlocutor will also easier to feel relaxed. Summary contact, approving gestures and facial expressions will create an atmosphere of trust, and communication will necessarily work out.

4. Learn to Empathy

Empathy is the ability to share the emotions and feelings of another person. In conversation, try to delve not only the essence of what was said, but also in the experience of the interlocutor. Only perceiving experiences in the complex, you can stand up on the story of the narrator and evaluate the situation of unbiased. Your empathy will definitely have people to you.

5. Show patience

Give the interlocutor to speak, and do not translate the conversation on another topic, until it exhaustively states everything that he wants. A pause in a conversation is not always becoming a signal to changing the topic, sometimes the storytellor ships to get together with thoughts. The ability to listen lies in a patient and sensitive attitude, never continue the phrase, started by another - this is a manifestation of bad tone. Demonstration of telepathic abilities is permissible only in communicating with friends.

6. Get rid of prejudice

Perhaps you are annoyed by loud voice, excess, stuttering, shyness, accent and much more in the interlocutor. Try not to annoy, otherwise you will not be able to estimate the conversation content impartially. Concentrate on the sense, and not on the form of speech. In order to adequately perceive the interlocutor, especially with an important conversation, in no case do not take alcohol until you figure it out.

7. Pay attention to ideas, not on words

Professional psychologists know how to collect a mosaic from passages of information into the overall picture. You must learn not to record attention on separate words, And to delve into the essence, which is not always obvious. It is not easy to master this skill, but in trying to analyze the said you can make a mistake in the assessment of the meaning and attribute to the man of thought, not belonging to him. If something causes you in doubt, check if you understood the interlocutor correctly, instead of building false conclusions.

8. To understand - ask

Sometimes dislike for a person pushes us to non-constructive communication. We ask uncomfortable questions, seeking to see the unpleasant person in lies or insincerity. Such communication can only lead to an even greater disunity. To achieve mutual understanding, ask and listen carefully to the answers, without trying to look for a trick. Be the most objective.

9. Cancel non-verbal messages

Communication will be more efficient if you learn to read the language of gestures, facial expansions, intonation. You will learn inadequate, having mastered the science of non-verbal communications. Often, the words and behavior of a person do not coincide so much that it rushes into the eyes, but we prefer to consider the heard, neglecting the obvious manifestations of the emotional state of the interlocutor.

All the leading specialists in the field of psychology of communication noted that the ability to correctly listen to the interlocutor is the most important guarantor of the success of your activities. The hearing can be productive and unproductive. An unproductive hearing is the inability to focus on the words and position of the partner. A productive hearing is to give to speak and do not make it clear that you are not interested. The productive hearing is reflexive and non-protected.

Energy costs for perception increase:

Listen to understand the content;

it must be allocated key points in speech.

Listen to memorize;

record, rephrase, sketch.

Listen to evaluate and analyze content;

fix the similarity and difference of positions of the parties, separating emotions from the facts.

Listen to support the other.

Styles of hearing.

Nonflexive hearing - the ability to carefully be silent. Do not interrupt. Do not ask questions. Briefly encourage to continue. Conscribe your attention verbally and non-verbally. It is recommended when the interlocutor needs to be spoken or when it is profitable for you so that he will speak out. Non-updated hearing on the principle of "yep". That is, when you listen and use the following techniques: Approval ("Yes, yes ... understandable."), Stressing attention (nod).

Evaluation feedback. Replicas demonstrating their own relation to the message and partner. (I agree. I like it.)

Cashless Feedback Clarification. Perephrasing. Summation.

For example: Repetition ("If I understood correctly, then"), empathy ("Are you very worried about it?"), Generalization: ("Consequently, we act so"). Listen carefully what your partner says. Usually, people somehow mention those topics and questions, in whom they are interested, even if they want to hide their intention. Pay attention to what denies (motifs, goals, quality) is your interlocutor regarding myself. As a rule, this characterizes his consciousness, behavior and activity.

Effective communication is not just the transfer of information. For effective communicationIt is important not only to be able to speak, but still be able to listen, hear and understand what the interlocutor says.

Listening - this means to enable a person to openly share information, and the most important condition for the correct understanding of the point of view of the interlocutor, and in general, the key to successful communication.

The real ability to listen to the person involves the ability to refrain from the expression of his emotions while the speaker sets out information, support the interlocutor encouraging gestures, smile, brief replicas, unobtrusively, but so that he continued the conversation.

Types of hearing

Directed or critical - the listening one first critically analyzes the information obtained, and then it tries to understand it.

Empathetic - listening more "reads" feelings than words. Such a hearing can really be effective if it causes positive emotions, and vice versa, if the speaking causes his words negative emotions

The nonflexive hearing involves minimal interference with speaking speaking at maximum concentration on it. This is useful in situations where the partner seeks to express his point of view, the attitude towards something, wants to discuss sore questions, is experiencing negative emotions; When it is difficult for him to express in words what it worries or shy, insensitive.

Hearing is active. What is an active hearing?

An active or reflexive hearing is characterized by setting feedback with the speaker through:

• asking - direct appeal to the speaker, which is carried out with the help of a variety of issues;
• rephrasing - the statements of the same thought only in other words, so that the speaker can appreciate whether it understood correctly;
• reflections of feelings when the listening focus pays no connection to the message, but the feelings and emotions that the interlocutor expresses;
• summary - summarizing what he heard, which gives to understand the speaker that his main thoughts are understood and perceived.

In interpersonal communication, a person can:

• Do not listen. We do not pay attention or ignore the words of the interlocutor.
• Pretend to listen. We act and behave as if we listen, but in fact are absorbed by our thoughts or problems.
• Partially listen. The effect of divided attention occurs: we focus only on the part of the message, the rest passes by our consciousness.
• Focus listen. We are completely conversation.
• Interpreted listen. We are not only hearing a person, but also take conscious efforts to understand it.
• Listen to interactively. We ask questions and clarify the situation.
• Enthusiastically and actively listen. We listened to the feelings, emotions and sensations of the interlocutor.

Development of the ability to listen

To be able to listen a lot of things, you just need to be silent, ... silence and listen to the interlocutor. But it is definitely not enough for effective communication.

The ability to listen to the ability to listen and understand the partner, the ability to be relaxed, concentrated and patient.

And for the development of the ability to listen to need to stick to simple but important rules Effective communication. If you use these rules in any conversation, I will soon notice explicit progress in the development of the ability to listen. So,

Skill Listen or Rules attentive Interlocutor

Do not interrupt and do not interrupt your interlocutor. Give the opportunity to man to finish my thought. Silence causes a man to continue to speak. But this silence must be filled with your non-verbal signals that you are still listening, and not sleep.

Do not look at the clock. If you want to know what time it is, do it imperceptibly, otherwise the interlocutor will perceive this gesture as a lack of interest in him and to the topic of conversation.

Do not finish the offer for your interlocutor. Patiently wait until the speaker express his thought to the end, do not interrupt it, it can beat off every desire to continue to communicate with you.

Setting the question, wait for the answer. Even if the pause arose after the question dragged, everything is not seduced to answer instead of the interlocutor. Pauses should be short-term.

Your posture should not be a jalound or vice versa too "closed." Too closed pose causes distrust of you. But do not collapse on the chair, sit straight, you can lean forward slightly. It will show your interest in conversation.

Skill listen and hear

Support constant visual contact. However, try not to overdo it. Take the occasionally your eye so as not to strain the interlocutor.

Navigate. This is very effective method show the person you are listening to and understanding. However, nodding is too hard, you will show the interlocutor a signal that your patience has ended and it's time for him to end the conversation.

Install the verbal feedback. Replicas like "yes, yes", "of course", "it is interesting ...", etc. Corresponding to confirm that you are actively listening to the interlocutor. And this is very important to maintain contact.

Do not be afraid to ask clarifying questions. If you are not clear to you, or you are not sure that the interlocutor understood correctly, ask clarifying questions. So you will impress a man who tries to understand the speaker and do not miss important moments conversations. There are many clarifying questions, for example: "You mean that ...", "I understood you right ...", "explain, please ...", "You want to say that ..." and others.

Do not give in to the temptation to refute the new information for you. Some people love to argue very much. If you heard from the interlocutor, what does not fit your beliefs or differs from your ideas, do not pay for it and do not defend, defending your point of view. It is better to just ask: "Where did you get such information?", "Why do you think so?", "What is your position explain?"

Learn to listen - This is the most important condition for the correct understanding of the point of view of the interlocutor, and in general - the key to successful business communication. The real "art of listening" manifests itself in the fact that listening:

• it is always refracted from expressing their emotions while talking outlines information;
• "Helps" the speaking encouraging gestures (nodes), a smile, brief replicas, unobtrusively, but so that he continued the conversation.

Statistics argue that 40% of the working time of modern administrators are devoted to the hearing, while 35% is spent on speech, 16% for reading - 9% of the service time on the letter. However, only 25% of managers really know how to listen.

On the ability to listen to the affects everything: personality of man, his, interests, gender, age, specific situation etc.

Interference hearing

In conversation are created Interference hearing:

Internal Interference - inability to disable their thoughts that seem much more significant and more important than what the partner says right now; An attempt to insert his replica in a monologue of the speaker to create a dialogue; mental response preparation (usually objections);

External Alert a hearing, for example, the interlocutor says not loudly or in a whisper in general, possesses bright manners who distract from the essence of his speech, monotonously "Bubnit" or, on the contrary, "swallows" words, say an accent, turns out of foreign objects in the hands, I will continually glancing fussing, etc. An external mechanical interference can be attributed to: noise of transport, repair sounds, constant peeping into the Cabinet of foreign, phone calls, as well as uncomfortable conditions in the room (hot or cold), bad acoustics, unpleasant odors; distracting attention to the environment or landscape, bad weather; Even the color of the walls in the room plays an important role: red - annoying, dark gray - inhibits, yellow - relaxes, etc.

Types of hearing

American communications researchers have allocated four types of hearing:

Directional (Critical) - the listening first critically analyzes the received message, and then it tries to understand it. This is useful in cases where various kinds of decisions, projects, ideas, opinions, etc. are discussed, since it allows you to select the most useful information from a given point of view, however, it is simply prospectively asked when new information is discussed, new knowledge is reported, because , tuning on the rejection of the information (but this implies criticism), the listening will not be able to focus on that valuable that it contains; With such a hearing, there is no interest in the information; about

Empathetic - Listening more "reads" feelings, not words. This is effective if the speaker calls at the listening positive emotions, but is simply aspecting if the talkative emotion causes his words;

Nonflexive The hearing involves minimal interference with speaking at maximum concentration on it. This is useful in situations where the partner seeks to express his point of view, the attitude towards something, wants to discuss the painful questions, is experiencing negative emotions; When it is difficult for him to express the words that he worries or shy, insensitive;

Active (reflexive) hearing is characterized by the establishment of feedback with the speaker through: asking - direct appeal to the speaker, which is carried out with the help of a variety of issues; Perephrasing - the statements of the same thought in other words so that the speaker could appreciate whether it understood correctly; reflections of feelings when the listening focus pays no connection to the message, but feelings and emotions that expresses speaking; Summary - Summing up the heard (summary), which makes it possible to understand the speaker that its main thoughts are understood and perceived.

How to become an ideal business listener

Do not interrupt and do not interrupt your interlocutor. Give the opportunity to man to finish my thought. Silence causes a man to continue to speak. Listen to customers, and they, to fill in silence, will continue to respond to a given question.

Do not look at the clock. If you want to know what time it is, do it imperceptibly, otherwise the interlocutor will perceive this gesture as a lack of interest in him and the desire to free themselves from him.

Do not finish the offer for your interlocutor.. Patiently wait for the interlocutor to express his thought to the end, do not interrupt it impatient: "You have already spoken," that can beat off every desire to continue communication with you.

Specifying a question, wait for the answer. Even if the pause arose after the question was delayed, still do not seduce answer instead of the interlocutor. Pause is a sign that your partner is currently thinking about the answer to him. Pause, maybe you are nervous, but if you asked a question, have patience to wait for a response.

Your posture should not be unleashed and "closed" from the interlocutor. Do not collapse on the chair, sit straight, you can lean forward slightly. It will show your interest in conversation.

Do not lead negotiations if you feel bad. With poor well-being, it is difficult to focus on another person and show the interlocutor that you are listening to him. It is better to postpone the meeting.

Support constant visual contact. Even if you are closely listening to the interlocutor, but at the same time do not look right in your eyes, it will make the conclusion that you are not interested, so you feel far away from him in thoughts.

Deploy to the interlocutor. It is unethical to talk with a person, being in relation to it sideways or back, and lipom to a computer or something else. Be sure to turn to the interlocutor to all the hull, one turn is not enough.

Kivayt. This is a very effective way to show the interlocutor, what you listen to and understand it. However, nodding is too hard, you pass the interlocutor a signal that your patience has ended and it's time for him to end the conversation.

Install the verbal feedback. Replica like "Yes, of course, it is interesting ...", etc. Come on verbally confirm that you are listening to the interlocutor. It is very important to maintain contact.

Do not be afraid to ask clarifying questions. If you are not clear to you, you are not sure that the interlocutor understood correctly, ask clarifying questions. So you will impress a person trying not to miss the important moments of the conversation. There are many clarifying questions: "You mean that ...", "I understood you correctly ...", "Please explain ...", "You want to say ..." and others.

Do not give in to the temptation to refute the new information for you. People prefer to argue. If you heard from the interlocutor, what does not fit your beliefs or differs from your ideas, do not pay for it and do not defend, defending your point of view. It is better to just ask: "Where did you get such information?", "Why do you think so?", "What is your position explain?"

Avoid the syndrome: "And I ..." The client can tell about anything, do not try to make an impression on him with his "sharp cool" personal experience, intercepting the initiative. The client, after it was killed, may silence and close it.

Make marks. It has the following advantages: You suppress the impulse to interrupt the speaker; You can respond on paper on a possible good anger and calm down for your response in the future; Already at the hearing, you can separate the important from the secondary; really enter all the essential problems, which is especially important when your turn comes to talk; Your negotiatory partner conclude that it is serious about it if you do notes for themselves during the performance.

The ability to listen to the interlocutor

Success in many ways depends not only on the ability to transfer information, but also to perceive it from the ability, i.e. listen.

One a wise man He said that we have two ear and one mouth and use them in this proportion, i.e. Listen twice as bigger than to talk. In practice, it turns out on the contrary.

The idea of \u200b\u200bwhat to listen can be different, but to "listen" and "hear" is not the same thing, fixed in Russian by the fact of availability of different words To indicate an effective and ineffective hearing. All owners of healthy and workable hearing organs can hear, but in order to learn to listen, you need training.

Listening to listen is the main reason for ineffective communication, it is it that leads to misunderstandings, errors and problems. With seeming simplicity (some think that listening to - it means, just to pose) a hearing is a complex process that requires significant psychological energy consumption, certain skills and a common communicative culture.

Two types of hearing stands out in the literature: non-reflective and reflexive.

Nonflexive hearing - This ability to carefully be silent carefully, without interfering in the speech of the interlocutor with their comments. The hearing of this species is especially useful when the interlocutor shows such deep feelings as anger or grief, burns with the desire to express his point of view, wants to discuss sore questions. Answers with a non-reflective hearing should be minimized by the type "Yes!", "Well,", "" interesting ", etc.

In business, as in any other communication, the combination of the nonflexive and reflective hearing is important. Reflective hearing It is the process of decrypting the meaning of messages. Find out the real meaning of messages help reflective answers, among which it is distinguished, rephrase, reflection of feelings and summarization.

Clarification It is an appeal to the speaker for clarifications with key phrases like: "I did not understand", "What do you mean?", "Please clarify it", etc.

Perephrasing - own formulation of the message of the speaker to verify its accuracy. Key phrases: "As I understand you ...", "You think that ...", "In Your opinion ..."

For Reflection of feelings The emphasis is placed on the reflection of the listening emotional state of the speaker with phrases: "You probably feel ...", "You are somewhat upset ...", etc.

For Summary The main ideas and feelings of the speaker, for which phrases are used: "Your main ideas, as I understood, are ...", "If you now summarize what you said, then ...". Summizing is appropriate in situations when discussing disagreements at the end of the conversation, during a long discussion of the issue, upon completion of the conversation.

Typical listening errors

Scattered attention. There is an erroneous opinion that you can do two things at the same time. For example, write a report and listen to your colleague. From time to time you can nod, depicting attention to look into the eyes of the interlocutor. But attention is focused on the report, and the person can only imagine imagine what the interlocutor says. Avoid trap scattered attention It is possible by adjusting priorities: choose a lesson that is more important.

Clear It happens in cases where the opinion is drawn up in advance that the interlocutor is trying to say. As a result, attention adds only to the information that confirms the first impression, and everything else is discarded, as not related to the case or insignificant. You can avoid this trap only if you approach any conversation unbiased without making any source offers and conclusions.

Interrupting The interlocutor during his message. Most people interrupt each other unconsciously. The leaders are more often interrupted by subordinates, and men are women. When interrupted, you need to try to restore the course of the thoughts of the interlocutor.

Hessed objections Often arise when disagreement with saying speaking. Often, a person does not listen, but mentally formulates an objection and waiting for a queue to speak. Then he is fond of the rationale for his point of view and does not notice that the interlocutor tried to say in fact.

In the process of active hearing you need:

• stay unbiased. Any comments, especially critical nature, strengthen the reluctance of the interlocutor to talk about deeply affecting his problems. It makes it difficult to identify its valid feelings, motives and needs;
• study the expression of the person of the interlocutor, his gestures and pose, revealing the degree of his truthfulness;
• pay attention to the tone of the message. Any inconsistency between content and the form may indicate deeply hidden feelings;
• listen not only words. Important parts of communication are often transmitted by pauses, highlighting words and oscillations. Long pauses and repetitions are alarming;
• to facilitate the task of restrained, shy or a little kosonasky interlocutors, inserting into their monologues to the prubate comments, such as "understand", "of course". At the same time smile, look at the interlocutor and take an interested opinion;
• try to put yourself in the position of the interlocutor, look at the situation with his eyes and hear everything with him;
• check your understanding of the questions heard with the help: "Who?", "What?", "When?", "Where?", "Why?", "How?";
• use the reception that is called PIN, for more ideas, information and comments. This means that you need to start with the positive moments of the offer of the interlocutor, then find interesting and only then turn to the negative aspects of his ideas.

The formation of communicative skills requires time, and patience.