The Psychology of Resentment: Dealing with Negative Emotions. "I'm offended." How to deal with resentment

Many people can live their lives loaded with resentment. Feelings of resentment are inextricably linked with psychological aspects its occurrence. Grievances are very diverse, they can flow out of childhood, new ones appear, acquire new additional moments.

The word itself implies a focus on the past, or rather, bad events.

This feeling actually harms the person. This feeling allows you to manipulate another person.

Sometimes people can take offense on purpose in order to control any person, in order to get something for themselves. Such people understand that with the help of grudges, they can achieve a lot from the right person.

The consequences of frequent offenses

Resentment Is an emotion that prevents you from feeling the joy of the world around you. There are such acute grievances that people cannot do without a specialist who will help get rid of it. Only a psychologist will help you understand the cause of this emotion and prevent it from degenerating into a disease.

Some scholars say that resentment can also undermine health. There is even a theory put forward that resentment can cause cancer, since such a person cannot forgive, and she gnaws at him from the inside. No one can change past life

If a person is not ready for some event or does not accept it, then a feeling of resentment arises. Frequent repetition develops into a chronic form, which is called resentment. Adults can easily control emotions and deal with resentment, but it is very difficult for a child. Resentment, if it occurs infrequently, once, is a completely natural emotion, but it is worth getting rid of resentment.

A person can show resentment in different ways.

Some people stop communicating with the offender, others express all sorts of complaints against him, others cry and are silent. And these are just some examples. But no matter what is done, the environment will not change, it is tantamount to trying to change today's rainy weather. The offender does not care what the person feels, and he can also find many excuses for himself.

One more important point: if a person experiences an acute offense, then this situation may seem completely trifling to the offender. Maybe you are not very important for such a person, or maybe this person himself expects more. Not all people are friendly and noble, but many people are friendly and helpful, and not everyone appreciates their good qualities.

How to overcome unfair grief

To overcome such a feeling, you need to work on yourself. A balanced person, a mature personality responds adequately to insults, such people are guided by reason, not feelings. You can simply tell your opponent that his words hurt the soul. Then the abuser will explain his position with reasonable arguments. He will have a feeling of remorse, shame. He will ask for forgiveness.

Be sure to find out the reasons for the upset. A mature person will strive for this. The reason must be sought not only in the opponent, but also in yourself. To say not only “you are to blame”, but also to think about “why I am offended”.

Very often people try to replace the offense with a joyful mood, but then it goes into the unconscious. This approach will certainly cause a depressive state in the future, because the insult has not gone anywhere, has not let it slip. It is most reasonable to pronounce them, to find out the primary source of the offense.

Do not forget that it is also necessary to offend other people correctly. You should not offend a person, you need to give an explanation of the current situation, explain what caused the offense. The opponent will ask what he did, and as a result of the dialogue, the problem will be settled.

You can't hide your feelings

This approach will allow you to better understand others and yourself, remove offensive moments from thoughts. When feelings are spoken, the reason for the resentment becomes clearer. Therefore, you cannot be ashamed of your experiences, emotions, talk about them. Thanks to this method, it is easy to deal with grievances, and they will not develop into resentment.

It is worth remembering the main rule: you cannot subordinate people's lives to yourself and your requirements. It is very important to learn to look for reasons in yourself, not to shift the blame onto other people. Nobody owes anyone anything. If you take this position into your arms, then it will be easy to experience resentment.

But there are people who specifically touch a person, looking for him weak spots, deliberately hurt. In this case, you should not react violently, take offense, shout. Let this situation be a lesson to perceive intentional grievances as the sound of the wind.

Many psychologists advise a variety of methods for dealing with grievances. One of the interesting ones is writing a letter to your abuser. You need to write it alone, pour all your feelings and thoughts on the sheet, perhaps even insults. After such an exercise, the person will definitely feel better.

Video. Why you shouldn't be offended by your parents.

It is very difficult to live with a constant feeling of resentment. This state is depressing, does not allow to fully enjoy life. You need to forgive the offenders, justify them, understand. Thus, the person himself becomes much better.

Any person, regardless of age, social status or gender, has come across in life with events that offended. Each story is special, some have common features, others are purely individual, however, the result is the same everywhere: the emergence of an unpleasant feeling called resentment.

On our site, the site, we decided to disclose this issue in as much detail as possible, because this problem worries many people. So let's get started.

What is resentment?

According to the laws of the energy field, an offended person violates the harmony of his own life. After a while, this problem is capable of causing discord in the established way of life.

Therefore, the question of how to forgive an insult is always relevant and requires detailed consideration. After all you just have to get rid of the negativity, and the world will find again bright colors , emotions and will give a person the opportunity to experience new, exciting sensations.

What is offense made of

It is easy to offend a person, any individual can do it, with a certain character and the right to make such a mistake. Often, a person who has offended someone does not even suspect that he has done something negative, and continues to lead his everyday life. While another man who felt the burden on himself negative emotions, from day to day suffers and, at times, nurtures a plan of revenge.

The feeling of resentment consists of a whole range of sensations, the main of which are two:

Anger directed towards the offending person.
Feeling of own vulnerability, self-pity.

Experts believe that resentment is a sign of an egocentric nature, when a person wants everything to be concentrated around his person... The inability to control everything and everyone, as well as to manage the events that take place, offends such a person, causing the appearance of negative feelings.

Resentment consists of several components:

pre-built expectations: a person, intentionally or not, wants to feel a specific reaction or hear specific words. However, another person is special thoughts and character, therefore, how he will react to an event may be completely unexpected;
observation of the response: having created for himself a model of a certain behavior, a person assesses how his counterpart reacts, comparing with his own opinion (which has striking differences);
comparison of expected and real events: these two positions rarely coincide, which causes a feeling of disappointment. And the resentment will be the stronger, the more differences have arisen.

If you rely on yourself, say problems out loud, then the occurrence of resentment will become a rare occurrence. And it is easier to prevent this negative situation than to look for options on how to forgive the insult and let it go.

Types of offenses

The offended state is destructive in essence, it does not contribute to the emergence of positive feelings, but also kills their remnants. Worse than that, there can only be a desire for revenge, which (when translated into reality) completely changes a person's life.

Resentment options:

Reaction to injustice, arising from hurt pride, betrayal or deception, offensive phrases or spoken words in a rage. Despite the fairness of the appearance of such sensations, they still carry a negative connotation and harm a person.
A means of manipulative influence: a person independently provokes development conflict situation, with the aim of provoking a quarrel.
Formal reaction: resentment arises if an event occurs differently than accepted by the traditions of society. It is not uncommon for a person to express resentment even when she does not offend him, but it is customary to take offense at such a situation.

There is one universal recipe for dealing with resentment: forgive her for the sake of your own peace of mind, to preserve peace of mind ... But with the interlocutor who inflicted an offense, perhaps, communication should not be maintained, sometimes, to let go of the offense can only be a complete break in relations.

Consequences of resentment

A touchy person can suffer not only from psychological discomfort, negative emotions through psychosomatics, provoke the development of pathologies of a number of organs and systems:

decreased immunity;
disruption of the thyroid gland;
diseases of the heart and blood vessels;
oncological neoplasms;
mental disorders;
migraines;
pain in the head.

The importance of forgiveness

Forgiveness is an important part of human life, and representatives of different religions converge on this. The offender does not appear just like that, he comes to teach the individual something. Therefore, you need to be able to highlight a lesson from each situation.

For example, a woman who is often offended by men should think about whether she is too dissolving in them or, on the contrary, is experiencing subconscious aggression towards members of the opposite sex.

If a person finds options for how to work through the resentment and get rid of it, he will be able to achieve the following:

frees itself from the weight of the load;
will feel a taste for life;
can love and trust again;
feel inner peace.

It is very important to take the following steps to get rid of grievances:

Realize that every insult is a kind of lesson sent from above so that a person can learn something. Strong emotions caused by the negativism of the situation do not allow you to understand this, but after getting rid of them, a person learns the meaning of what happened.
Recall all the grievances and people who provoked them and highlight in two lists those who grieved very much, and those who simply caused the appearance of negative emotions. So you can build a procedure for forgiving offenses and make a decision about what to get rid of earlier - from serious disappointments or minor problems.

What grudges are difficult to give up?

Taking offense at family members - mom, dad, brother, loved one, which can be more painful?

Resentment towards the mother often arises in adolescents, who may accuse the parent of not supporting, criticizing, or reproaching. After a while, a person realizes that all grievances against parents were fleeting, they do not have the meaning that was attached to them in his youth.

A little later, resentment arises against partners in family relations, problems are projected onto them that have not been resolved with their relatives.

Effective Forgiveness Techniques

Psychologists have developed many techniques that will help you deal with grievances and eliminate them from your own life. Getting rid of grievances can take place using the following methods:

Revenge in thoughts: one has only to imagine (in the smallest detail) how you are taking revenge on a person, to feel his emotions and your own satisfaction, how the desire to do this in reality can disappear.
Write 3 letters, one of which should contain only anger and pain (you should not write insults and offensive words), the other (written every other day) - express all those feelings that were not reflected in the first message. In the third letter - notify the person of forgiveness and thank him for the lesson learned. All messages should be re-read and then destroyed.
Retire indoors, sit on a chair, and, on the contrary, put it empty. Sitting down, you should voice all your emotions, resentments, disappointments, as if referring to a specific person. You do not need to hold back tears, it is more important to express all your feelings, be it laughter or hysteria.

How to forgive an offense: 10 ways

If the methods described above did not bring the expected effect, you can try the methods described below:

to understand that resentment brings evil, heating it up by constant reflection sows only destructive emotions that need to be got rid of;
having made the decision to erase these negative emotions from your own heart, you follow to the end, not being led by your own pride, which does not allow you to just remove the insult from your thoughts and soul;
admit in the depths of your soul that resentment is a destructive force that is unlikely to bring satisfaction, but will serve as an endless source of pain and disappointment;
tune in to positive motivation by accepting the fact that by learning to forgive, you will easily step over such obstacles and become free from pain and other people's actions;
to believe that without resentment, life is filled with joy, lightness and a lot of positive emotions;
make sure that only strong people, independent of a wrongly spoken word or perfect action, attract those who are similar in spirit and worldview;
find in yourself the weakness that caused the destructive effect of resentment on the soul and feelings. It needs to be closely studied, comprehended and everything must be done to make it disappear from consciousness;
to learn to forgive, to understand that there are people (or actions) capable of offending and do everything to make these feelings go out of thoughts: repeat to yourself “God is his judge”, “I will not judge him, because I myself am not perfect”;
in no way take revenge, but, teach lessons to those people who hurt your feelings. You can punish - do it, no - forget about the situation once and for all;
joke about yourself and your own experiences: a sense of humor can reduce any problem to the rank of worthless trifle.

Forgiveness Through Prayer

This method of getting rid of resentment will be especially useful for those people who are sensitive to their own religion. Regardless of the denomination to which you belong, you should choose a saint, his image or icon, to which you can turn with a request for help.

It is not necessary to go to a temple or a mosque, it is enough at home, in complete silence, to turn to the chosen shrine. She needs to be asked for a miracle, for getting rid of grievances and negative feelings that torment the soul.

Louise Hay's Method

To implement this method, you need to do the following:

choose a place where no one will disturb the privacy;
sit in a comfortable chair;
turn on a relaxing melody;
light scented candles;
achieve complete relaxation, starting from the crown of the head and ending with the tips of the toes;
get rid of all extraneous thoughts from your head;
imagine yourself on a stage on which there is only one person, the one who offended;
imagine that something amazing, very good is happening to a man on stage (keep this vision in your mind);
make the speaker disappear, and then imagine himself on this platform, experiencing the same emotions as the previous person.

This exercise allows you to understand that there is enough kindness in the world for each of its inhabitants, to get rid of the cloud of dark thoughts swarming in the head. It needs to be repeated 1-2 times a month to feel how much easier it becomes to live.

Sviyash meditation

According to this theory, you need to recreate in front of your own mind's eye the following situation:

choose the person who offended (for example, the father);
mentally repeat a phrase that would confirm your positive attitude towards him, understanding of his individuality and forgiving him for all the negativity, actions or words addressed to you. Accept that not only do you forgive your father, but he also forgives you.

If the appeal is made for 3 hours in total, a pleasant feeling of warmth in the chest will gradually appear, indicating that the negativism towards these people is getting rid of. For a complete cleansing own soul, it makes sense to work through this scheme of everyone who has ever brought you unpleasant emotions.

Technique M. Murakhovskaya

To get rid of resentment according to this technique, you should find some free time, get comfortable, and draw in your thoughts such a picture:

imagine yourself on a country road, along which a meadow rich in herbs blooms;
to imagine in as much detail as possible the birds chirping in the sky, buzzing insects and the scent of flowers;
imagine a person walking towards you, who turns out to be your father;
go up to him and speak, saying the following: “Forgive me dad for the fact that I grieved you, did not do what was necessary. Forgive and thank you for everything that was and that was not in our life. I love you very much, forgive and do not think that you owe me anything ”;
now you see how the father gradually turns into himself a small, first a teenager, then a preschooler, then a baby that fits in your palm;
you love him immensely;
you place this part of a loved one in your own heart, where he is afraid of nothing, where he will be in comfort and safety;
now you need to exhale and move on;
after a moment, imagine that your mother met on the road and, again, replay the situation that happened during a conversation with your father;
placing a piece of mother in your own heart, you keep walking and meet yourself on the road;
now you need to say the following words: “Forgive me for everything: for the constant assessment, criticism. I love you very much, you are the closest and dearest to me ”;
your reflection also shrinks to the size of a crumb, and you put it in your own heart, repeating the words about strong love in relation to him;
from this moment, in the depths of your consciousness, there are the inner child and his parents, your particles that help you to live and breathe with complete freedom from any sorrows and resentments, to be in harmony with yourself;
taking a deep breath, you can open your eyes, now contact with your own “I” is established, according to the same scheme you can cope with grievances against other people.

Other techniques for getting rid of grudges

To deal with the overwhelming resentment, very it is important to change your attitude... To do this, you need to stop automatically reacting to negativity with such behavior, and deliberately choose a model of your actions.

Exists several options for the development of the situation:

forgiveness;
refusal to be included in the offense;
protecting the boundaries of your personality or, on the contrary, opening interior doors;
an aggressive or friendly response.

Stopping technique

This technique is used in order to stop unconsciously reacting to the events taking place around, and begin to thoughtfully choose a model of their own behavior.

Having felt that you are ready to take possession of a resentment, you should act in this way:

stop yourself;
retire for 7-10 minutes, interrupting the conversation with the offender;
take 10 deep breaths;
refuse to think about the situation, watching your breathing;
mentally decide what the problem is, what you are offended;
understand that the situation is far from fair;
realize that you can be aggressive or just leave;
choose the most adequate way of responding to the current situation.

About unawareness. There is a wonderful school of Maria Shakti in St. Petersburg, here is her website, deep seminars are constantly held there on attracting awareness to a person's life, I recommend.

The lack of strength technique

This technique can be used in cases where it is difficult to control yourself, in moments when any criticism or incorrectly spoken word can cause a flood of tears.

How to get yourself out of resentment?

Become aware of those feelings (anger, pity, anger,) that you are experiencing at the moment.
Understand that resentment is constantly present in your head, completely regardless of which person is nearby.
Physically express the feelings that overwhelm you by retiring for this (cry, scream, growl, wave fists). Experience emotions by releasing them.
Increase your own energy level: you can drink tea with big amount sugar, eat candy or a spoonful of honey. Breathe in slowly and deeply for 5-7 minutes.

Sliding technique

The main challenge is to keep yourself away from the situation. You can only be physically present in it, but morally you need to imagine one of the following options:

imagine that the opponent is talking from the TV screen, which is muted;
build a strong, but transparent wall not missing words;
imagine that the offender is in an unusual, funny (humiliating) position.

Elevation technique

You can distract yourself from resentment through concessions. To become taller than a person, not to be involved in an argument, to yield: sometimes all these actions are not humiliating for a person, on the contrary, they are evidence of his mind.

Going forward, allowing loved ones to let off steam from time to time, without getting involved in a showdown - these are skills without which it is difficult for an adult to live.

You should not act to the detriment of your own "I", yielding in fundamental moments.

The main thing is to convey to the person that the current situation is offensive for you, let him take your place and find the right way out together.

To defend the boundaries of your own personality, you can use this method of avoiding resentment:

abandon the situation for a few moments, calm down, breathe with the involvement of the abdominal muscles (this is necessary to suspend the launch of the usual options for the development of events);
take responsibility for your own actions and upset the offender in time - by stopping the flow of curses and saying that you do not intend to continue the conversation in such a tone and will not allow such treatment with you.

This technique requires a person to have a certain degree of rigidity, in which good must be answered with such actions. Evil is required to react with justice.

Forgiveness of betrayal

Betrayal loved one- one of the most serious grievances, which is difficult to get rid of. To forgive him, to let go of his thoughts, requires impressive inner strength. Highly it is important to stop feeling like a victim and move to the rank of a creator.

The forgiveness technique looks like this:

feel the desire to forgive a person;
understand what is hidden behind the offense, what benefit it has brought in your life;
this awareness can lead to the idea that there is nothing to forgive a person for, you should just thank him for what he did.

How to refrain from resentment

Resentment is a destructive force, most often it arises in response to undeserved criticism of another person. Offensive words touch the very heart when it is impossible to keep calm.

How to learn to keep yourself in check and remain calm?

Do not seek to immediately respond to the offender: in anger, you can say something that would be worth keeping silent. Such a quarrel can develop into a real disaster when what is said cannot be returned. Therefore, it is important to cool down and carefully analyze each spoken word.
Do not let the interlocutor hurt you, do not let him achieve his goal: Do you feel that the abuser is enjoying the situation? Ask how you can correct it, if your opponent has nothing to answer, it means that he is not able to fairly criticize you, and you should not listen to his words, and, moreover, take them to heart.
Try to justify the offender, consider the situation from his position... Having understood for oneself the motives of the interlocutor's behavior, one can only sympathize with this person, while the place of offense will not remain at all.

Three ways not to be offended

Self-control is an important quality people who possess it are strong personalities from which resentment just bounces off.

Exists 3 ways to keep from negativity:

Learn to forgive a person before resentment overwhelms you ... To pity him, so weak and unhappy.
Find out what the other person is trying to hurt you from ... A heart-to-heart conversation allows you to solve many problems that at first glance seem insoluble.
Be sure to release negative emotions to freedom ... If you constantly keep anger and irritation inside you, there is a high probability of getting breakdown or a mental disorder. To prevent this, you need to release steam in a timely manner: retire and shout, break 2-3 plates, punch a pillow or a wall with your fist. It is advisable that at this moment there are no close people nearby who may be scared by this. Negativeness released in time makes a person relaxed and calm, when all offenses cease to seem significant and do not affect the soul.

With this article read:

For the psychological portal www.psynavigator.ru

In the Russian language (according to Ushakov), the word "insult" means an unjustly inflicted grief, insult, as well as the feeling caused by it. Interestingly, in ancient times this word was synonymous with a slap or slap in the face, when it was not that you were hit hard, but, in passing, it was touched. There is no wound, no bruise, but it is much more painful than if it was beaten. Any high expectations are always fraught with deep resentment for a person.

Let's say you are doing something for another and have your own assumption about how he should relate to this. And suddenly surprise- he reacts very differently than you would like. The outbreak of feeling that you have been underestimated causes a pungent feeling of bitterness. This must have been experienced more than once or twice by every person in his life. Resentment is always a concrete threat to our positive self-image - self-perception and self-worth. In this case, the train of thought is extremely simple: "I did not deserve this. I am better than they think of me." If a person is very worried, considering himself offended, it is obvious that a very important string of his soul has been touched. And everything that is significant to us is vulnerable. You will not be able to offend with what is insignificant. And more often than not, the offense is not explained rationally, it is simply experienced emotionally. And the problem is not what is experienced, but what is experienced unconstructively, because in most cases the resentment never goes beyond the boundaries of negative emotions. She overshadows logic, instills doubts and self-doubt, and often embitters the offended against others. A person ceases to adequately test reality, the picture of the world is greatly distorted, life begins to be drawn in dark colors.

What to do, how and where to look for a way out? Here are some of the quick methods:

1. It is necessary to speak out the problem, to translate it from the language of emotions into the language of logic. Mentally answer the question: why exactly does this offend me. Perhaps, finally, you will find out what is important to you in life. If you have a real friend, girlfriend who are ready to understand and listen, open up to them. Thus, you will not only relieve mental stress, perhaps they will help you admit to yourself that which you really did not want to admit in private.

2. Good way to "deal" with the resentment - write a letter to an old friend or keep a diary. The need to express your thoughts clearly and honestly will quickly force you to understand yourself. And, perhaps, the resentment that has managed to grow into a problem will not be so significant that you waste time and energy on it.

3. If there is no faithful friend nearby, there is no one to write to, but it is necessary to speak out, dial the "helpline". WITH by a stranger(for example, with a fellow passenger) it is much easier to communicate more frankly than with loved ones, and this helps to quickly understand the situation.

4. Don't make decisions at once, in a hurry. Better take a time-out indefinitely, postponing the "disassembly" until the next day, and go to bed. Tell yourself, as the heroine of Gone With the Wind, "I'll think about it tomorrow."

5. Laugh more often and take care of your "I", look inside yourself every day, and not only during the "shipwreck". Challenge yourself regularly with questions: What matters to me and what doesn't? Look at the world around you respectfully - but not shyly, seriously - but with a smile. Be self-sufficient in a good way. Instead of holding a grudge against the whole world, smile at him. Do you know how one self-sufficient person, Socrates, related to the world, and therefore to people? "My enemies can kill me, but they cannot offend me."

6. If you cannot unwind the ball of resentment, seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist. Sometimes it is only at the third or fourth step that a person understands the deep reason for the resentment. And this is necessary in order not to be offended in the future.

If you seriously engage in your self-development, then you need to learn the following skills:

First, you must learn to build relationships with others, giving up unrealistic expectations. That is, I will not be mistaken in anticipating the behavior of another, if I do not expect anything from him. It is clear that this is ideal, but everyone is able to reduce the personal level of expectations.

Secondly, there will be no offense if I do not, as much as possible, associate the satisfaction of any of my needs with the behavior of another. That is, to be grateful to another for something done for me, but at the same time do not consider him to be obliged to do it to me. After all, maturity presupposes, among other things, relying on oneself and gratitude for any help from another.

Third, it is necessary to refuse to evaluate the behavior of others. That is, stop comparing the observed behavior of the other with your expectations. This is the observance of the well-known covenant "do not judge, that you will not be judged ..."

And then everyone will be able to say to himself: "It is impossible to offend me precisely because I accept myself and others as they are."

In general, I am not a supporter of helping people cope with feelings or get rid of them, but on request " how to cope with resentment ", I react differently than in other cases. I usually help to accept and learn to express my feelings.

But the feeling of resentment stands apart from all other feelings. Its main difference for me is that it is directed at the person himself and is destructive. It is very difficult to turn resentment into a resource (as you can with almost any other feeling). Each time, resentful, a person spends his vitality, not replenishing it in any way.

Therefore, in my opinion, it is necessary to cope with the feeling of resentment.

In the first part of the article “ Resentment ”Talked about the origin and formation of feelings of resentment and the following reaction. From childhood, this feeling passes into the adult life of a person. In general, nothing changes.

An adult is offended if:

regards the situation as unfair
does not have the resource to solve the problem in a constructive way
unknowingly uses resentment as a feeling overwhelming something else
gains benefits (being offended, he can manipulate the behavior of other people)

So how to deal with resentment

It is difficult to provide one general scheme for solving a problem for all people, but for the initial research on your own, try the following points:

1. Answer the questions

Why are you interested in the question of how to deal with resentment? Why do you need to get rid of this feeling? How does it bother you? If there is no more resentment in your life, how will that change it?

2. Try to remember all the "forbidden" feelings in your childhood

Phrases like: “good children are not angry”, “hate is bad”, “you cannot envy” may come up in your memory. Who forbade them to you?

How do you feel about these feelings now? Are they still "forbidden" for you? And for other people?

If you can remember these phrases, then you can reassess these "truths." Until now, they were so deep in the subconscious that to question their correctness and thought did not arise. And now you can formulate your truths, for example, "a child's goodness is in no way connected with the feelings that he experiences", "there are no bad or good feelings", etc.

"If I could have any feeling, what would I have experienced in this situation?"

Why is this “forbidden” feeling so scary for you now? (If in childhood there was a fear of losing the love of significant adults, now it is ...?)

If you succeed in catching why you are so afraid to give free rein to your feelings, then having dealt with these fears, you can begin to experience the whole range of feelings, and not a resentment replacing them, which will surely make you a happier person.

4. Can you identify a group of people (or situations) with whom (in which) you most often feel resentment?

Which of your childhood do these people resemble? What makes these situations special?

If you can draw a parallel with specific people from childhood, then this will mean that you still feel like the child you were.

What to do with this understanding? The work with the Inner Child is very difficult and without the help of a psychologist, it may not be possible to cope with it. But the solution to the problem is to “raise” your Inner Child, to help him outgrow his addiction.

5. Is there any benefit to you from being hurt?

Try to objectively assess how other people react when you feel resentful and behave like you are “hurt”.

If you see a benefit in your offense, then first weigh up, "and what is more valuable to you: to receive this benefit or to cope with the offense?" If the profit is more valuable, then you can do nothing further, since it will be pointless (no work on yourself will give results). If coping with the resentment turns out to be a priority, then 1) you need to recognize and accept the fact that it is beneficial for you to be offended 2) look for ways to get what you want in other ways.

6. About justice

What do you think about this? Answer for yourself the questions that were voiced in the first part (I will duplicate them here):

How did you know that she is?
Did someone promise you? Who? When?
Based on the assumption of justice, how can you explain that one is born rich and healthy, the other poor and sick?
Why has “injustice” existed for centuries? Is this "fair"?
What function does faith in justice have for you? How does she help you? What questions does it answer?

These are just the first steps towards solving the problem " how to deal with resentment". Many questions are difficult to answer on your own. But sometimes it is enough to seriously think about the problem and start researching it, as much becomes clear. When there is understanding, it becomes possible to control previously uncontrolled situations.

Feelings of resentment often manifest in a person, due to many factors, but how, few know. In a state of resentment, it is impossible to make informed decisions, think correctly and enjoy life. But there is no need to be upset, since psychologists have figured out the main essence of the resentment and today they will share it with you.

What do you feel

To deal with resentment and anger , for a start you just need to evaluate what you are feeling and feeling now. Resentment is a consequence of deceived feelings and emotions, so just assessing the problem, you can immediately solve it. Study your character, you may be prone to resentment, this is your habit that you can easily deal with if you want to.

The consequences of loneliness

Psychologists and scientists have come to the conclusion that you can get rid of resentment by communicating with good people... After all, when we take offense at our friend, girlfriend, comrade, we remain completely alone and we need communication and joy. For all ideal option will completely stop showing resentment, and find positive sides in people, for this you need. It makes more sense to solve the problem right away than to stay on long time lonely.

Unconscious resentment

Basically we want deal with resentment and anger, but it turns out to be completely unconscious and unjust. All people have feelings and emotions, but they sometimes need to be contained and controlled, which will help both you and those around you. If you tend to get hurt regularly, change your mindset and think more about the good circumstances. Scientists also suggest that we seek only good and positive in every person, thus, we will never be offended, and we are not going to offend anyone. But every person needs to strive for this, and then the world will become much more beautiful. After all, in order to cope with the resentment, you do not need a lot of time and effort, it is enough just to change your stereotypes and views, which are unjustified and unconscious.

When you are offended

Also, in order to cope with the resentment, it is not necessary that everything should be connected with the fact that it was you who were offended; it also happens that they are offended at you and quite seriously. First, you need to remember the whole situation from beginning to end and understand whether you did the right thing, whether you are to blame for this situation. No need to deceive yourself and say that you are right, first analyze the situation. After that, you can find out whether you did the wrong thing, offended your friend, or he took offense at you unconsciously and unjustifiably. According to the statistics of psychologists, in most cases, all offenses are manifested unconsciously and unjustifiably. Understanding this, you can become smarter than the situation and simply establish a relationship with a person, no matter what he or you are no longer offended at each other. Life is short to waste time on such little things.

Insults and humiliation

In the rating compiled by psychologists, the cause of resentment is also insults and humiliation. Such cases are associated with not made up offense. It is rather a very unfair and serious offense that remains in a person for several years. After all, constant humiliation is not fair, that any person may not show resentment, but it will still remain in the heart for a long time. If you insulted and humiliated, then you need to immediately apologize and start changing your character. In this case, you can, become stronger and more successful, since humiliation is a consequence weak character, and will not help to cope with resentment.

Take care of your health

The Bible also says what is needed be able to forgive, which has a positive effect on health. You should not be offended, you will not prove anything to the person, you will waste a lot of time and energy in vain, and your health will deteriorate due to negative emotions and anxiety. Do something good and the resentment will pass. You need to take care of your health, since no one will give it to us for our birthday or New Year... You decide what to do, but it is better to be successful, happy, and most importantly healthy.

Do what you love

All scientists and psychologists never cease to convince us that the most effective option to overcome resentment and other unnecessary little things, this is to do your favorite job. This is proven by many studies and real examples successful people... They said that they became successful and happy because they started doing what they love. Take the initiative and find your place in society, then resentment and other problems will disappear and they will be replaced by happiness and success.

Rid yourself of complexes

To stop being offended, you need to get rid of a variety of unnecessary complexes. It turned out that the most harmful complex that can interfere with you is that you can deal with right now. This is a completely unnecessary complex that manifests itself in a completely different way from what you think. A person with such a complex does not show shyness, constraint and fear, on the contrary, he tries to hide it, to show that he does not have this complex. Manifestations are different, such as a raised voice, unnecessary leadership, unjustified criticism and humiliation of people who behave calmer than others.

Don't think about it

The trickiest and wisest advice from a psychologist is simply to stop thinking about such feelings as resentment. Forget about its existence, fill your life with only positive and joyful things, and only you will notice the result. If you have additional questions, ask them in the comments, we will definitely answer them.

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