If there is a grudge against the dead mother. Resentment against my mother: a tumor that devours my life

The closest and dearest person in the world is my mother. Mom gives us life, through her body our soul is born into the world. Mom is with us for the first months, years after birth, helps to adapt in this world. Mom does not sleep at night, she worries about our mistakes and failures, about our snot and high temperature. Mom loves us, loves us more than life. And we love her. But despite such an idyll, it is mothers who cause us a lot of pain. Everyone has a grudge against their mother, some have less, some have more. And all because all people are imperfect, so our mothers made mistakes, making us children hurt.

This pain lives with us all the years, not letting us forget the old resentment. This pain rots from within, poisoning our body with poisons. This pain exhausts and destroys us. Someone learns to live with their childhood grievances, someone tries their best to forget about them, someone remembers and suffers from it. Someone is not going to forgive, but someone is tormented by the question: “How to forgive an insult to my mother?”.

One of my acquaintances still cannot forgive his mother for giving him to his grandmother at the age of four so that he would not interfere with her arranging her personal life. For him, this is a bleeding wound, and although almost thirty years have passed since then, he still cannot understand and forgive her for this act.

My mother is still offended by her mother (my grandmother) because she never supported her in her childhood, never praised her, but only scolded and blamed her. This attitude gave rise to a bunch of complexes in my mother, with which she struggled for almost half a century.

I am sure that each person has his own story, his own grievances against his mother. For some they are less poisonous, for others more, but they all poison their lives, despite the fact that so much time has passed. And no wonder, because resentment does not go away, they do not disappear, they are not erased by time, they are not forgotten. They just go deeper into the soul, sometimes so deep that you have to dig for a very long time to find them.

Why find? To release, let go, forgive. After all, if you continue to pretend that all grievances are in the past, then they will continue to destroy your life, your aura, your soul. When you drive a splinter into your finger, what do you immediately do? That's right, get it out of there, otherwise inflammation will begin, pus will go, there will be a lot of pain. So it is with resentment, if you don’t get it and forgive it, then it will rot and undermine your health.

How to forgive a grudge against your mother?

There are quite a few techniques, any of which can be found on the Internet in the public domain. These are forgiveness meditations, and visualizations, and other exercises. But before doing all this, you need to understand one thing. Your mom is the best for you. It was such a mother that your soul chose before incarnating in your body, which means that the pain that your mother caused you was also necessary for you. For what? To mature, to improve, to grow. In order to become wiser through pain. After all, this is how the soul grows, gains wisdom through suffering.

When you realize that even before birth, your soul itself chose this path, then it is easier to accept and understand your mother, to forgive her. That is when the practice of forgiveness can be used. Below I will give an example of meditation that will help you forgive the offense against your mother:

Meditation "Forgiveness of parents"

Relax, get comfortable, switch off mobile phone and generally take care that no one can interfere with you. Meditation should be done several times, working separately with the mother and separately with the father. You can have your own grievances for each parent, and you need to forgive them separately.

So, imagine your mother in front of you, feel the warmth in your heart towards her, because this is the person who gave you Life! Now mentally return to the past, to the very core of your resentment towards her. Try to relive the situation that hurt you, do not feel sorry for yourself! You need to experience the pain again, make the wound bleed in order to heal it. Remember all the hurtful words that your mother told you, her actions that made you suffer. Experience it again! Get your resentment from the very depths of your soul, release it!

When you feel again heartache don't keep it to yourself! Tell your mom what you think of her! Here she is in front of you. If you want to yell at her, yell! Do you want to say hurtful, rude words to her? Forward! Down with guilt, now you need to cleanse your soul from that layer of dirt that has been poisoning your life with toxins for several years. You can tell her everything that has accumulated mentally, or you can speak out loud, because no one will hear you anyway. Do you want to cry? Cry! Tears will cleanse your soul.

After you have thrown out your buried emotions, see how your mother will react in your imagination. Maybe she will begin to make excuses, defend herself ... Or maybe she will explain why she did it that way. Listen to her, perhaps the moment has come that will clarify a lot in your relationship.

When talking to her, pay attention to your body. How does it react to dealing with resentment? If you feel discomfort or even pain in some area of ​​your body, it means that just in this place there was a block caused by resentment. Imagine a pure, white stream of healing light entering through your crown. It permeates your entire body and passes through the organ where you felt the pain. Imagine that this light washes away all rubbish, all insults from your body, from your soul, and fills the space with pure light - the energy of love and forgiveness.

Return your thoughts to your mother. She is still standing in front of you. Walk up to her and say, “I forgive you. I understand that you didn't mean to offend me. I fully accept you for who you are. I love you". Hug your mother, feel the warmth between you, because this is the most dear person in the world! Feel in your body lightness from forgiveness of insults, a surge of strength and energy.

Now open your eyes. The meditation is over.

If you have not one, but many resentments towards your mother, then it is better to perform meditation systematically, each time working with a new resentment. In the same way, you forgive your father, imagining him in front of you instead of your mother.

“Well, again, everything is not thank God. There are only freaks around, you can’t trust anyone with anything. You have to do everything yourself. If you do it right, no one will notice, they won’t even say thank you.”. Familiar thoughts? That's how resentment shows up. And very often in the roots it is an insult to the mother.

Let's figure out with the help of Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology what it is: how serious it is, what consequences the offense has and whether it is possible to change it.

How serious is the resentment towards the mother

So, according to the definition of system-vector psychology, people who have an anal vector can take offense for real, for life. These are balanced, calm, a little slow professionals in their field, owners of an outstanding memory. For them, the mother is the most sacred! And suddenly resentment?

Oddly enough, but that's the way it is. This resentment and annoyance accompany a person all his life. He looks at the whole world through the prism of resentment. For him, everything is wrong in advance. Resentment becomes his eternal companion.

Instead of using his vast memory capacity to preserve and pass on knowledge to the next generation, to be a teacher or a critic, he becomes a critic. He doesn't teach, he teaches. Instead of ideal husband and a father with whom you can live like stone wall becomes a family tyrant.

The psychology of resentment and the stages of the formation of resentment

Why does resentment and guilt arise? And why the resentment of the mother?

The owners of the anal vector have a strong bond with the mother, especially in childhood. And the psychology of resentment towards the mother is made up of many factors. For example, my mother constantly hurried. To rush a child with a slow metabolism is to drive him into severe stress. Especially if driven from the pot: “There is nothing to sit here for a long time!” The pot is associated with the act of cleansing, and this is important.

Or cut off the story, not allowing to finish. Children with an anal vector love to talk in great detail, and mothers need to have heroic patience to listen to everything. And this is also very important.

I forgot to commend you for a job well done. It's just a disaster - not to praise a child with a heightened sense of justice. She screamed. From screaming in general, except for stuttering, nothing will come of it. Well, if she also insulted her, calling her a “brake” or a “slow mover” - an insult to her mother, an insult to life.

And why? Yes, because the child loses the sense of security and security that he receives from his mother and only from her. Feelings of resentment and injustice towards you, anger, irritation, regret, guilt become faithful companions of his life.

Guilt and resentment are faithful companions

And then even worse. Constant resentment against the mother, resentment against everyone and everything. Here they underestimated, there they did not thank, here they did not notice and did not note at all. There are only “freaks” and “idiots” around, it is they who are to blame for everything. And solid toilet vocabulary. Incidentally, as shown system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan, such people also have a “toilet” sense of humor.

And sometimes mothers manipulate feelings of guilt and resentment, and anal children are ready to do anything to not feel guilty towards their mother. And here is a paradoxical situation. On the one hand, a feeling of resentment towards the mother, on the other, a feeling of guilt. It is clear that after such contradictions and throwing, a person simply breaks down. And here is an unfortunate life scenario. And who is to blame for all the failures? Only close people, your family, wife, husband, children. So the family tyrant is ready.

Is it possible to get rid of the feeling of resentment towards the mother and live a full life

Feelings of resentment and guilt, a sense of justice and gratitude. This holds the worldview of people with an anal vector. The geometry of their comfort is a square with perfectly even edges. Any slightest distortion in the concepts of "exactly, equally" brings the strongest discomfort, there is a desire to straighten this square.

They offended, that is, they didn’t give something, in their opinion, they will remember the offense until they take revenge. Helped - they will not calm down until they thank you. All equally, all in half, "as much as you are for me, as much as I am for you." A natural question arises: how to deal with resentment, how to deal with it, and whether it is possible to overcome it and change your life.

Of course! Everything is in your hands, and system-vector psychology will help with this. It will help you learn to understand the motives of other people's behavior, to see their desires. You can learn to forgive, manage emotions and even understand the causes of psychosomatics that often accompanies a state of resentment (for example, constipation, heartburn and other problems).

By learning to think systematically, you will learn how to overcome resentment, you will understand the psychology of resentment. You will see that there is life without offense. You will have an amazing desire to shout to the whole world: "I LOVE YOU LIFE!".

This feeling has already been experienced by many students of the training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan and told about it in their reviews:

“... The old, terribly heavy resentment against my mother, with which I fell asleep and woke up, and the tears from these thoughts: “Well, why is she doing this to me? What did I do wrong to her? For what?” And then one day I realize that there is no resentment! She doesn’t exist at all, but there is understanding, justification and love for mom! .. "
Marina P., artist, lawyer, Lipetsk

“... After half a year of dead silence with my mother, somehow it suddenly turned out to speak to her again. It is especially dear to me in this case that all my grievances against her go away from the understanding that she could not behave differently with me. And from the realization that she herself (and almost all of our parents) is a victim of victims, a great feeling of compassion wakes up. That is, neither her parents nor she herself had any idea that we are all really different. And all children need a certain approach. The banal words that I have heard thousands of times have now acquired concrete forms of this approach ... "
Vera Z., accountant, Stade, Germany

“... Relations with my mother have fantastically improved. Grievances were gone from my side, I blamed her for everything, even for my depression, that she does not find a way to help me. Now there is a lot of gratitude, love and joy. Recently I heard from her: “I think you forgave me!?”. And it is true…"
Svetlana B., Moscow

You don't have to take our word for it, come to Yuri Burlan's free online training on system-vector psychology and check it out for yourself. Register now using the link

The article was written using materials from online trainings on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan

Ecology of life. Psychology: "Success has a mother's face" - these words of B. Hellinger have many facets of meaning. If, when remembering a mother, a person does not see her soft smile, his path through life will be thorny, and at the end of his life he will fail.

"Success has a mother's face" , - these words of B. Hellinger have many facets of meaning. If, when remembering a mother, a person does not see her soft smile, his path through life will be thorny, and at the end of his life he will fail.

In order to avoid the scenario of a loser, a person is obliged for the sake of himself and his loved ones to open his heart to his mother, no matter how nasty he considers her.

Resentment towards the mother creates seemingly different scenarios for the fate of a man and a woman, but the result is still the same - the person will not be successful.

Let's start with men.

If the mother was anxious and weak, then the son will be outwardly responsible, accustomed to take care of his mother, but inside he is just as insecure a reinsurer as she is.

Those around him will read his anxieties and they will not do big things with him. For such men, the ceiling is to be a middle manager, he cannot raise his head higher.

A domineering woman will have a son who will drink, more often in binge drinking, protesting against her control over him. A woman becomes imperious not from strength, but from fear of loss for her son or another child whom she has lost. For the son she controls, she prepares the same fate as the lost one.

For a woman who could not improve relations with her husband, her son in relations with women will be the same as his father - to bring women to suffering, and then go to others. So he will act for the sake of his mother, so that, repeating many times the same sad childhood situation of his, he will realize the pain of his mother. Most often, the son is not aware of anything and changes women like gloves, to the grave.

Now about the daughters offended by their mother.

A daughter who considers her mother a bad wife is already subconsciously married to her father. Since her husband's place is taken from her, relationships with men will not work. In her opinion, all of them will lose to the idealized image of the pope.

A woman whose mother was anxious will not be able to raise her husband on big projects. And the time will come when he will take revenge on her by finding another muse.

An overbearing mother will crush her daughter's right to be gentle and natural. The daughter will play the Queen with men, and they will beat the Victim out of her with their fists, or immediately run away to hell.

Early becoming an orphan, the daughter may be offended by the deceased mother, not accepting her death. When she gets married, she will demand from her husband that affection that she could not receive from her mother. The husband will run out of steam to patronize his wife and slowly close from her endless self-pity. Children will be afraid of their mother and, at the first opportunity, will run away from their parent's nest. The old age of such a woman will be lonely, hard and dreary.

Often there are situations when the mother is not powerful, not a guardian, not a victim, but the daughter is still offended. What could be the reason for her claims?

Here are some reasons:

1. Mom had to leave her daughter in early childhood in the care of a grandmother or a relative c, and the child regards the latter as his mother. And although later the mother participated in the upbringing of her daughter, the hugs of the mother, excluded from childhood memories, will deprive her of the ability to give warmth to her children and husband for the rest of her life. And a woman without warmth herself feels unnecessary to anyone. And subconsciously pushes himself out of the relationship.

2. The paternal grandmother (mother's mother-in-law) survived the unlucky daughter-in-law from her son's family. And the daughter may be offended by the mother because she failed to protect the family. Without realizing it, the daughter will condemn her mother, like a mother-in-law. Two native women will not understand each other. At first, the daughter will be a successful woman. Approximately up to 45 years. Then, the seeds of criticality planted by the grandmother will destroy all success. Large debts may arise.

3. A daughter may be offended by her mother and her father's mistress. In need of her father's love, a daughter may blame her mother for taking a mistress. Unconsciously, the daughter will take the place of her father's mistress and will blame her mother for everything. In this case, mother and daughter will become irreconcilable competitors. The daughter will seek relationships with married men, resenting why they "choose" her as their mistress. She cannot create a family.

This will be of interest to you:

Of course, I did not give all the scenarios of the fate of those who bear a grudge against their mother. He also did not say that claims to the mother lead to overweight and unsuccessful attempts to lose weight.

The purpose of this article is to show that children's negative experiences are costly for a person in adulthood. And insults are not worth holding on to them with teeth and nails.

The methods of psychotherapy today are simply incomparable and will definitely help anyone who wants to free themselves from the ballast that prevents them from taking off to the heights of success. Much has been written about these methods. It is important not only to read about them, it is important to do them. published

Read the first part .

©Mark Ifraimov

The soul of a child is pure with holiness,
She enjoys your attention
She is bright, naive and simple,
And inspiringly seeks understanding.

Elena Olkhovik

How could she? How could she do this to me? I will never forgive her!" - the five-year-old kid wailed through tears, sitting at the bus stop.

Such words of the child frightened me and caused an immense feeling of sincere pain for him. He talked about his mother, who was standing a few meters away along with the people who were seeing her off. She did not hear these words and generally paid little attention to him. She had her own arguments for this case, her own view of upbringing, why she scolded him and threatened to tell everything to her father.

Involuntarily, thoughts raced through my head: “Does my child say anything like that about me?” Didn't notice him. Even if I shout at him for misconduct or petty pranks, he immediately asks to hug him and kiss him. Or he simply waves his hand away with a smile on his face, finding the most valid reason for his behavior.

The question arises why children behave differently?

Can a child seriously hold a grudge against his mother? Is it possible? Do children's grievances against the mother pass over time and how then to educate correctly?

How serious are children's grievances against their mother

Let's consider this case systematically, armed with the knowledge of system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan. Not everyone is offended and remembers insults for a long time, but only children with a special psyche.

This child has certain innate properties, developing which he will become an excellent specialist, a devoted friend, a faithful husband, a reliable executive worker. There are all prerequisites to become happy man. But for this, he needs conditions and appropriate education, taking into account his innate properties. Such a child is distinguished by complete obedience, and if he is mistreated, he will be stubborn, like a bull.

In our case, resentment towards the mother is read in the words of the child. She once again scolded him for an innocent misconduct, did not even listen, did not regret it, but he was waiting for this.

She only shouted that he did not understand Russian words the first time, he was behaving badly, so she would tell her father everything! Nothing more.

And this boy needs unconditional mother's love. Any injustice in his understanding is regarded by him as a violation of the balance. Namely, balance in everything, in all spheres of life - the most comfortable state for such a child. We read about it.

Our child will always strive to receive praise from his mother, her recognition of his achievements and successes. He wants her to feel sorry for him, sympathize, be attentive to him. In his understanding, he deserves it always. Certainly the mother main man for any child. But for such a mother - the most sacred.

Timely support from the mother, good word and attention will help the child cope with his insecurities in own forces. He needs the feeling that his mother will always come to the rescue. He always counts on it and waits. Any new business, even a change of scenery, is already stressful for a child with such a psyche. At such moments, it is important for him to do everything and be with his mother. It is only necessary to gradually give such a child more initiative to himself.

When raising such a child, it is important to take into account his characteristics. It is simply natural for such a baby to be offended, to pout, to accumulate negative emotions. Mom may not even notice the root cause of the state of resentment. And the consequences of this feeling in relation to oneself close person, to the mother, can be expressed in aggression towards others. Read about the consequences of the harmless pranks of the most obedient children.

Resentment at the mother in adulthood prevents you from being happy

The state of comfort for such people is an even square, balance. Not getting the desired reaction from the mother in childhood, the child must compensate for this in another way. Straighten out this bias. A strong feeling that something was not given to him haunts him. His attachment to his mother does not go anywhere, even if a deep resentment towards his mother remains from childhood. He carries it throughout his life. This one can take revenge as an adult. But not to my mother personally, but to other women.

A person cannot be truly happy because resentment gets in the way. Doesn't let you live your life to its fullest.

He carries his pain throughout his life. This feeling is unsettling. Periodically reminds of itself and again makes you experience past negative states.

Because otherwise it doesn't work. One of the properties of such people is to accumulate experience, knowledge, including resentment. You can't just let go of resentment. Without understanding the true causes of its occurrence, it is impossible to cope with this.

How to forgive a grudge against a mother and start living a full and high quality life

There is an exit. You need to know where to look. Many people with a similar problem are trying to find a way to get rid of resentment towards their mother. Take on the advice of others.

But when there is no result from such an action, they are even more disappointed. They don’t trust anyone anymore and they don’t want to do anything anymore.

I want to give them hope!

It is quite possible to work out a grudge against a mother! People who tend to experience resentment and accumulate it tend to get stuck in the past, focusing their attention on negative first experiences and events. Having resented his mother in childhood, such a person can endure this resentment into adulthood.

He will feel this state of not receiving recognition or praise in adulthood. Only this desire to compensate for the shortfall will already be redirected to other people. That's why getting rid of the heavy burden of resentment is possible only through the realization of the true causes of its occurrence, the true causes of the actions of other people.

How to let go of resentment towards the mother?

System-vector psychology knows this. It is this knowledge that allows adults to work out resentment towards their mother and get rid of this condition at a full training. There is a realization of the reason why this happened. Understanding your condition, which prevents you from moving on in life with joy. The results speak for themselves.

When the answer is found, a person begins to perceive life differently, without the burden of these stones on the heart.

Childhood, undoubtedly, - milestone personality formation, but also the basis of mental health. The right approach in raising children will serve as a guarantor of their happy and comfortable life further.

If we bring up children taking into account their mental characteristics, then they have every chance to develop correctly mentally. They will be able to develop skills in themselves, how to become self-confident, to be highly qualified specialists in their field, a reliable support for their family. The main thing is that this will allow them to have a warm, tender and trusting relationship with their mother without feeling resentment for the whole world, for the people around them, in which they can get stuck on long years and which can negatively affect their quality of life.