Self-determination of a person or how to find your place in life? How you can find yourself - the secrets of a successful search Why is it important to determine your place in life

Ask someone a question: what do you want from life?

Do you know what is the most common answer? That's right: money. I don’t see anything wrong with that, after all, money is one of the strongest motivations for achieving a goal. But the trouble is that in an effort to earn as much as possible and in any way, a person begins to try to repeat someone else's success. He goes to study at a prestigious institute, goes to work where someone has made a good career.

And in the end, he loses his own life.

And it also happens that a person understands what his calling is, but cannot overcome the fear of embarking on a difficult and unknown road. So, for example, Inna B. dreamed of becoming a sculptor, but she studied to be a teacher, because this institute was close to home. She explained her decision by saying that she did not know how to sell her sculptures. And the work of a teacher is reliable and understandable. Yes, and my mother advised me to do the same.

Mark S. dreamed of becoming a tailor, but went to law school for reasons of prestige. He is well aware that he is a bad lawyer, and sometimes he sews clothes with pleasure for himself and his friends. But he doesn't quit his job at a law firm.

And so they pull the strap, quietly hating their profession and dreaming of the time when they will finally earn a pension and be able to do what they love.

Wrong? Start all over again!

In the depths of his soul, every person knows what his calling is. Remember yourself as a child, what did you dream about? What was the easiest thing for you to do then? For example, I always succeeded in compositions, and I always got fives in Russian language and literature without much effort. But then for some reason I decided that I should become a physicist, then retrained as an economist.

Of course, overcoming yourself and going against the current is a very exciting activity. But sometimes you run out of strength, and you suddenly realize that every balancing act is hell for you. Columns of numbers make you sick, you want to throw annual reports against the wall, but you think courageously and hate yourself. For all.

And it doesn't matter that Marya Petrovna earns fifteen thousand dollars a month as a chief accountant. For her, just digging in numbers is a thrill. And for you - hell. And that's why you'll never reach her success.

Find something that makes your soul freeze with happiness at the thought. Are there several such cases? Maybe try combining them? If this is unrealistic, get rid of the excess, leave only what can be now. For example, if you are thirty-five and you have never studied ballet, it would be foolish to dream of becoming a prima ballerina or a simple dance teacher.

So, to become yourself, you need:
- get rid of parental programs;
- trust yourself;
- be bolder in decisions;
stop doing only what is approved by your environment;
- discard your old "roles" and complexes.

Have you already decided on your life's work?
Then jump into it like a pool and boldly move forward. No one and nothing should lead you astray, only then success is inevitable. Hard? And no one promised that it would be easy.

In one book, I found this definition: “A vocation is emotional comfort of the highest degree.”
But to get it, you will have to work very hard: work without sparing yourself, without rest, without days off, not sleeping at night, sometimes enduring ridicule and attacks.

Are you ready to take it all? Then go ahead and find your calling!

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Sometimes you look at a person and you understand: "Here he is in his place." And you only think about some: “They are floundering, swarming like some kind of plankton, nobody needs it. They seem to be doing something, but only insofar as. What they are, what they are not - everything is one. And it's really bad when you feel like that. I don't want to be "because" I want to know how to find my place in life.

What does it mean to be in the right place

When studying people who have found themselves and their place, it is easy to see that they enjoy what they do. Their work not only provides existence, they like it. And if there is a shortage somewhere, then they perfectly compensate for it with an interesting hobby. Such people are clearly valued by society, as they benefit it with their activities.

They do not experience fear of the future, unnecessary doubts and torments, do not suffer from endless searches. It seems as if the world itself is helping them: things are going well, the other half supports and inspires, others are ready to help and appreciate, the results of their work are in demand. In a word, they managed to find themselves in this life and live it not in vain.

They were lucky? Or do they know and are able to do something that others do not know and are not able to do? Or are they “in their place” simpler, clearer and more achievable?

What is her dream profession?

For example, here he is - a man with golden hands. All such thorough, patient, attentive to details. I am ready to sit all day long at some kind of my craft, bringing the result to an ideal state. Of course, the results of such work are liked by the customer or the buyer, or the boss.

But the main thing is that it is pleasant for the person himself to spend time doing this activity, to pore over any trifle, so that everything is neat, even, clean, so that it is any-expensive. He is like that at home: he will clean up, fix everything, put it on the shelves, make something with his own hands, cook it. Everything is family-like, cozy, traditional, soundly ... right somehow. Because it suits his qualities and needs. A man managed to find a calling, and everything in his life is in its place.

But the other is not at all like the first. Such a nimble, dexterous, he will be in time everywhere, he will agree with everyone, he will organize everything. No, this can not sit for hours at a monotonous occupation. So he does not sit, but in business, for example, he is engaged in or manages the work of a team, or realizes himself in sports. And if he is working on some project, so with the aim of changing, improving, optimizing something: what if you try like that? what if it's here? and if you subtract here, add here?

And everything quickly, in several directions at once: he runs there, calls here, talks to that one, gives instructions to this one. And he succeeds. He will cope with all the tasks, make good money and achieve career advancement. And again, he himself likes to do this. Its innate properties are in demand and are beneficial. He does not need to waste time thinking about how to find his place in life. He has occupied his niche and strives higher.

Representatives of creative professions realize in their activities their craving for beauty, the ability to dream, a special vision of the world. They transfer their emotions and sensual potential to acting, creating works of art, various beautiful things, etc. Others love to communicate, the ability to empathize with the upbringing of the younger generation, medical, psychological or social assistance to others and find their calling in this.

Thus, understanding his innate qualities and applying them in professional or social activities, a person receives from his occupation joy, satisfaction and a feeling that he is where he should be - in his place.

True, most people never really thought about how to find themselves. They just know what they want to do, and connect their life, work or free time with it. But for some, expressed in one form or another, this is a sore point that does not give rest, literally pulsates in the mind.

Who seeks to understand how to find their place in life

Usually, such questions are asked by people with high intelligence, thoughtful, who are trying to get to the bottom of things, to determine the cause-and-effect relationships between various phenomena, to find the meaning of everything that exists, including their own lives. And the natural ability to concentrate does not allow you to simply throw thoughts out of your head without finding answers.

Preferring solitude and silence (sometimes vice versa, louder music is heavier so as not to hear anything else), sometimes peering into the night sky or just at one point in front of them, they think: “What is all this for? Why do you need me? What is my place in life? What is the Purpose?

It can be more difficult for them to find themselves, to understand what to do with them. This is because they need much more to realize their properties, to apply their talents to the fullest. Meaningfulness, the ability to find answers to the most difficult questions and solve abstract problems, understanding the essence of phenomena are the necessary conditions for such people to perceive themselves in their place, to feel the taste of life.

How to find your place in life, if you don’t want anything, everything is annoying and you don’t have enough strength

Achieving the goal - determining one's place in life - becomes even more difficult due to the negative psychological and emotional states in which such a person can be:

Apathy, when there is a feeling that everything is indifferent, you don’t want anything;
- a breakdown, when there is not enough energy for almost anything, you constantly want to sleep or, conversely, suffer from insomnia;
- irritability, alienation, hostility towards what is happening, people around, noise, streams of meaningless information, etc .;
- depression, when there is one continuous clot of mental pain inside.

Each of us has desires and properties for their realization. A person realizes his potential to achieve aspirations, thereby comprehending his existence, gaining the feeling that he is going through life in the right way.

If we fail to apply our qualities to fulfill these desires, we experience constant shortages, suffering, which affect our state in a negative way. It is also important to be able to understand whether a person seeks to occupy his place in life or follows other people's ideals, acts to please loved ones or with an eye on fashion trends.

For example, if an emotional person is not able to direct his sensuality to empathy or to the creative process, then his unspent emotions may result in tantrums or fears. Or a person who gravitates towards the accumulation and transfer of experience, in the absence of such an opportunity, begins to teach, criticize everything in a row, find fault.

So it is for a person who is looking for the meaning of life and his place in it. Not filling the desire for knowledge, disclosure, understanding, he falls into negative states. Finding no meaning, he comes to the conclusion: everything is meaningless. Not achieving success in the knowledge of the Universe and man, he begins to move away from the outside world, from society, people with their stupid conversations, fuss and hubbub begin to annoy, be perceived as a hindrance.

Or desires unattainable over and over again begin to fade away so that it is not so painful - there is complete apathy. And when the situation gets more and more aggravated, a person may experience depressive states: here life itself is not sweet, it makes no difference what place to take in it - it would all be over as soon as possible.

In this case, no matter what a person does, the process will not give him pleasure, the result will not seem satisfactory and there will be no feeling that you are in the right place.

The article was written using the materials of Yuri Burlan's online training "System-Vector Psychology"

often read

It is common for a person to start searching for himself, only in those cases when it seems to him that he is “out of his element”. And if this feeling has already crept into the soul, it's time to start the "search operation". How to find your place in life is not an easy question, but it is extremely important for each of us. You can search both by listening to your inner voice, and by following the prompts of other people, or signs from above. It is equally a matter of philosophy, psychology and esotericism. And everyone is free to choose whose help to resort to. This article provides basic recommendations on how to find your place in life, and tips to help you use them correctly.

1. Remember who you wanted to be as a child.

There are a number of closely related concepts that, from various angles, contribute to the search for oneself. The first is a vocation, or a person's inclination to one or another type of activity. The second - that is, the universal mission. The third is the meaning of life, or the ultimate goal of earthly existence. So, a deep analysis of one's childhood interests helps a person to understand his own vocation.

This is directly related to the goal of finding your place in life. In any case, with the direction in which we are interested in moving. And, since people are most sincere precisely in childhood, memories from the past will allow you to see yourself in the present.

Sometimes childhood dreams are hidden from us over the years of growing up. We just don't remember what we played with our friends, what we dreamed of becoming when we grew up. Perhaps they were fond of drawing, or maybe they drummed on cardboard boxes or took care of chickens at their grandmother's in the village. Own memory only partially restores these events.

But, our mom and dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, older brothers or sisters remember it much better. So it’s worth starting the search for yourself by consulting with your relatives. By asking them to brush up on those moments that can make it easier to try to find their place in life.

3. Take advantage of thematic tests.

The Internet is full of all kinds of sites on psychology, which strive to help all those who suffer and seek. There is nothing wrong with taking a couple of tests that offer to make it easier to find yourself. Blindly believing their results is not worth it, but it’s also not right to refuse to pass. Simply, the more such tests a person passes, the higher the likelihood of a positive result. Perhaps they will not give an answer, but they can suggest a suitable direction. And the right beginning of the path is already a good half of it.

4. Read more books.

There is no better way to understand what you want than to learn about the fate of other people. Even if it's fictional. Perhaps in one of the storylines, the reader will see himself and determine exactly how to find his place in life. After all, most books are written by smart authors, with a fairly rich life experience. They know a lot, have witnessed a variety of stories and examples from life. Considering that many books are based on real events, the hints in them can be quite appropriate for each person.

5. Actively travel.

Sometimes the search for oneself takes a person in a completely unexpected direction. It can be a neighboring city, another area, or even a country. If someone for a long time cannot find his place in life, perhaps he is simply looking in the wrong place. Probably the point is not in a hobby or profession, but in the very environment around. Wrong people, wrong street, wrong house and city. By changing the place of residence, a person acquires, as it were, a second chance to start his life anew. And we are not talking about a banal escape from problems. On the contrary, it implies the pursuit of oneself.

6. Dream from time to time.

As you know, it is not harmful to dream - it is harmful not to dream. The wisdom and simplicity of this phrase is amazing. In his head, a person is absolutely free from other people's interests and desires. In the world of fantasy, there are no uncomfortable circumstances or excuses. In it, everyone is the master of his own destiny. And if the search for yourself in reality causes a number of difficulties, you can find your place, for starters, in your own dreams.

Nobody bothers to just come up with your own ideal world and take in it the role to which the soul lies. And when a clear understanding of who to be after all comes, you should try to realize this dream in the real world. After all, man is the creator of his own destiny. You just need to clearly understand in which direction to create.

7. Seek help from a wise person.

It's not just about the spiritual mentor. He can be a professional psychologist, a personal growth coach, or just an intelligent person with rich life experience. Each of us certainly has people to whom we want to turn for advice. There is nothing wrong with doing this. After all, that's what language is for, to talk from time to time.

Of course, it is not worth fanatically following their recommendations, but it is also pointless to reject help. The main thing is to feel what of what they said will cause an internal response. Perhaps this will be the answer to the question of how to find your place in life.

8. Expand your social circle.

Appearing among our acquaintances, new people bring with them fresh ideas and suggestions. There is a whole area called networking, which helps to establish connections, expand the circle of those with whom you communicate. In fact, this method is somewhat similar to reading books. Only new destinies appear not on the pages of the tome, but in the real world.

Learning something new and hitherto unknown, a person expands his worldview, thereby facilitating the search for himself. And, for example, someone, having met a bartender and learned the details of his profession, will also want to try his hand at it. Or, with a merchandiser, sommelier and a number of other original directions.

When wondering how to find your place in life, the main thing is not to give up if the answer is long in coming. After all, the more difficult the path to success, the sweeter the victory. And often thorny paths lead to maximum heights. You just should not stop looking for yourself until the result fully satisfies. But even after receiving the necessary answers, it is better not to rest on the winner's laurels for a long time. After all, who knows, maybe someone else is applying for this place?

A person wants to find himself in this world, realize the potential of the individual and find happiness. Not everyone manages to realize themselves, and many remain slaves of circumstances. Each of us has many potential opportunities, but do we manage to use them? How to realize yourself in life?

“One of the things my parents taught me was to never listen to other people's expectations. You have to live your life and realize only your own expectations, and this is the only thing that really worries me. Tiger Woods

• Why can't I realize myself in life?
• I'm already 16-50 years old, but I still don't know what I want.
• Who am I, what do I want, where do I go and why do I live?
• I have a normal job, but it's not mine.
• Everything in life is more or less good, but I am unhappy.
• Why don't hobbies bring the desired income, but regular work sucks?
• It takes me from one extreme to the other.
• I did not realize myself in anything and did not take place.
• My desires do not match my capabilities at all.
• Nothing interests me and I get bored quickly.
• How to realize your dream?

Often in life it is difficult to find harmony with yourself and find your own way. In the nature of each of us lies the desire to realize ourselves, but this is difficult to do in reality. The American psychologist Abraham Harold compiled Maslow's pyramid of needs, where he indicated the basic needs and desires of a person.

Self-realization is the highest human need. If you are interested in this question, then you are an extraordinary person. How to realize yourself in life? Several factors hinder this.

In most cases, the problem of self-realization lies in the following situations:

• The person himself does not know what he wants from life.
• An unrealistic dream that is unlikely to be realized.
• Inability to develop and overcome difficulties.

How to find your place in life? How to realize yourself in life?

1. What to do if you don't know what you want from life?

The path to self-realization is not easy. When you don't know what you want, you need to start looking for an answer. Stop doing what you don't like. Eliminate to the maximum from life everything that interferes and to which the soul does not lie. Cut off all excess. And then give yourself time to relax and gain strength.

When there is more energy and time, then there will be strength for something new. Then there will be an opportunity and a desire to search for something new. There will be a chance to try something interesting that I have long wanted.

Immerse yourself in life and observe your feelings. What is of interest, what is the soul, what do you want to do? Go beyond your usual limits more often. It is possible that your talents lie outside the plane of today's field of activity and lifestyle.

2. What to do if the dream is unlikely to be realizable and difficult to achieve?

Often we are driven by naive dreams from childhood, which we were forced into fairy tales or stupid films about the success of others. Become an astronaut, superstar, billionaire or legendary athlete?

It's time to take off your rose colored glasses. Start small and you'll see. Do not chase unrealistic dreams, but look for real ones. The dream and goal must be achievable. Set a goal, make a plan, and take action. Step by step.

3. What should I do if nothing works?

You don't need to collect problems, but you need to solve them. Not satisfied with the job - look for another. No friends - communicate more, and do not wait for them to appear themselves. Your personal life does not add up - start getting to know each other more often and look for those with whom it is really good. If you don't like your figure, start exercising. You need to stop being lazy and just start doing. Persistently, regularly and persistently. 100% of failed attempts will fail.

“Your place in this world” is a very vague concept. It includes everything at once: place of residence, profession, social status and emotional background. This is a place where you can do your job, improve yourself, realize your talents and be happy. Where you can become "part of the world."

The Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung called this phenomenon synchrony: when the world seems to reciprocate with you, showing different signs of approval. When you find this place, everything around is in the best shape. You meet the right people, find money for a new project, fall in love mutually.

Finding your place is a noble but tedious task. Why has it become so relevant right now? Sociologist Jean-Claude Kaufman believes that this is the price of our liberation: “Over the past decade, the great ideologies that inspired and guided us have exhausted themselves. We were left without generational guidelines, lost many values. Society has found itself in a desert in which man must do nothing more, nothing less than "inventing himself."

This phenomenon especially affects those who are 25-35 years old. Family psychologist Françoise Sand calls this period "the age of the labyrinth": "These young people are torn between family and work, the search for a safe haven and professional success." What prevents us from finding our place in the world?

labeling syndrome

Many believe that finding a place means achieving a certain status. But being just a good mother, a promising employee, or a great friend is a dead end. Psychologist Carl Rogers reminds us: “The goal of personality evolution is to be yourself in any situation, not to play a role.” Therefore, in order to find your place in the world, you need to get rid of stereotypes and far-fetched images, strive to be yourself, and not the ideal embodiment of some invented picture.

Caliph Syndrome for an hour

Productivity, career growth, competition, comparison with others are all factors of self-deception. They make us believe that the meaning of life is the achievement of the mythical first step. We fight for the championship first in the family, then at school, then at the institute and at work. We try to climb the hierarchical ladder. But where does this path lead?

“Trapped,” says social psychologist Vincent Gauljac. Envy and competition destroy our desires. We go to the imposed goals - to become a better employee, to get a promotion - and gradually replace them with our own desires and aspirations.

Like the vizier Iznogood from the popular comics of René Gochini and Jean Tabari, we are constantly running somewhere, fighting, weaving intrigues, indulging our vanity, mobilizing resources, implementing project after project. All in order to become caliph for an hour.

However, in order to find our place, it is more correct to take a more restrained position, to do what is really close and interesting to us, to concentrate on the development and realization of our unique talents.

Zelig syndrome

In Woody Allen's film of the same name, an ordinary person Leonard Zelig discovers in himself a unique ability to physically and spiritually transform into anyone, to perfectly copy the behavior of others. Behind the comical content and the narrative, which is extremely unusual for a feature film, lies a serious problem - opportunism, the desire to blend in with the crowd.

In order to get the favor of colleagues or not to upset the family, we also often become chameleons, adjusting to the desires and expectations of others. But all this only prevents you from finding your place in the world.

Accept your uniqueness

“At the age of 45, she quit her job as a top manager of an international corporation and became an artist”, “They divorced her husband after 10 years of marriage, and he left for Nepal”... Such stories are often puzzling. How can people leave a high post, a family, a promising job?

But what if they suddenly found the courage to become themselves, heard their desires, stopped adapting to the numerous “it’s customary” and “it’s necessary”?

To find your place in the world, you need to stop trying to fit into the standards, follow the internal guidelines, allow yourself to be yourself. It's much harder than burying yourself in a life you don't like. But it is necessary!

The German philosopher Richard Precht wrote the book "Who am I and how much of me, if I exist at all?", which became a bestseller. The phrase that became the title was once said by a friend of the writer. It perfectly conveys that painful feeling when we seem to be doing everything right, but something is wrong. If you know the feeling or have asked yourself a similar question, then it's time to act.