Should a woman get married after 40? I got married at 40

What am I asking though? They can’t get out here at 29, but I’m talking about forty-year-olds and older. But, on the other hand, I'm not asking how a woman can get married after forty, but I'm trying to understand: is it necessary?
This topic was born in my head after meeting with former classmates in Kazan. There were five of us and only one was married. One is divorced, two have deceased husbands, one has never been married.

To begin with, I would like to understand why a woman should marry after forty years?
At 18-20, they usually get married for great love, at 25-30, so as not to remain an old maid, even if the girl has not been a maid for ten years. At 35, well, this is the last chance to have a baby, but why get married at forty? And indeed,

1. To solve financial problems?

In our country, where all vacancies end with the words “send resumes to applicants not older than 35 years old,” after 40 years old is almost an afterlife. And in order to find a decent job after 40, a woman must show miracles of imagination, ingenuity, and even learn some of the acrobatic tricks. Sometimes it is much easier to get married so that the new husband will support and not allow him to die of starvation. However, in order to successfully marry a financially wealthy man, a woman after 40 must be very smart, very beautiful, very well-groomed, very sexy and very wise. Because there are a lot of 20-30 year old girls who simply do not want to work, but also want to marry a financially secure man.

This is probably the most difficult option when a woman over forty is forced to look for a rich man in order to provide herself and her children with a well-fed life. Such a woman will have to be in good shape all the time, forgive her sweetheart for light intrigues and give him slippers in her teeth.

To marry a rich man after forty, you need to look simply stunning, be smart and sexy, and it is desirable to always meet a sweetheart with a smile on your face.

Wealthy men "are found" in decent restaurants for "business lunches", in "closed clubs", on paid beaches or a hippodrome, near their own stables.

2. To avoid being left alone?

It is also a common option when the children grew up and left, the ex-husband "rested in the wagon train", there is money, there is work, there is health, there is nothing to do. Well, it’s so boring that you even climb the wall - and, looking through the 135th episode of the next sentimental series, the woman decides, “but should I get married?”

In this situation, such a woman after 40 will fit any man, if only he was. You should “take” younger men (while they are still naive), or older (when they already dream only of homemade borscht and warm slippers), well, not like peers who, as one, hit “big sex” with young beauties. The main thing is to feed a man well, drink and please him in every possible way. You can sometimes give him expensive gifts and even buy him beer yourself. In order to get married, escaping loneliness, you don’t have to be smart, beautiful and sexy, you need to cook well, have your own apartment, better - a car, money and a great desire to complicate your life by deciding to “get” yourself a husband.

3. And the most fantastic option: because you want to love and be loved?

Oh, but I believe in this option least of all, or rather, that after forty years you can meet true love. The older a woman gets, the more life experience she has, and if after 40 she is still (or already) alone, then this experience is most likely sad. Having survived betrayals, divorces, betrayals and losses, you involuntarily begin to look at life and at men in this very life in a different way. "Scarlet sails" have long sailed away to other shores, all the princes on white horses galloped away, and it turns out that it is quite possible to live without sails and princes. Still, love must be sought in youth, and after 40 you can find anything, but not love ... But what about “Moscow does not believe in tears?”, You will rightly be indignant? There, the heroine met true love just after 40 years. “This is a movie,” I will answer, and I will be right, although ... miracles happen, but very rarely and not with everyone.

Of course, I like the third option the most, but it's fantastic.
Are there many couples around who have mutual love? Always in a pair, one loves, and the other allows you to love.
And about the second half, I have big doubts that she is restless somewhere, and when she meets, she will make you happy.
It seems to me that a person should become happy himself, and then, perhaps, he will meet another, with whom this happiness will double.

So, I think that a woman over forty should not get married, because why would she have a hemorrhoid - serve slippers in her teeth or, even worse, turn into her husband's nanny?
But if you fall in love and be loved...

What do you think?

Upd. The options are not mine personally, but sounded in a conversation with my classmates.

I am 40. Two years ago I met a wonderful man and married him. Many acquaintances asked how it happened, I thought, and my thoughts formed into a clear plan of action, almost an instruction.

I don’t pretend to be a systematic approach, advice for everyone, etc., I’ll just share my experience, maybe it will be useful to someone or just prompt useful thoughts.

Point number 1: lose weight (crossed out) - get prettier!

This is the first of all points, because, for example, it took me the most time and moral effort. Of course, this recommendation does not apply to already slim women. I'm talking about those who are overweight and they know about it. You need to lose at least a little weight, at least a couple of kilograms, and preferably 5-7.

You need to lose weight because:

Losing weight makes you feel more attractive. Regardless of the objective need to change the weight. That's the way we are. Even if you weigh 100 kg, dropping 3 kg will make you feel new and inspired. Let any nutritionist and the Internet calculate the weight norm for you, and it turns out that you need to lose weight more to the norm, it doesn’t matter. And it is important to feel refreshed and beautiful. And then - as you decide.
You will receive compliments. "How did you lose weight!" "You look great!" Feel how nice?
There will be confidence that you control your life, you can change it. And really, you can say what.
You will fit into your favorite dress or buy yourself a beautiful new one, which will add sparkle in your eyes and self-confidence.

In general, you need to get prettier so that you have self-confidence and a feeling of being beautiful. For those who are already in the normal weight, you can probably do something for yourself to care for. For example, a course of massage or facial treatments, well-groomed hair, manicures, etc. You know yourself better, which gives you confidence in your beauty.

Item #2: Clear out your wardrobe

Better yet, the entire apartment. Do I need to say how much positive order gives. If you're ready to sort out your wardrobe, you're ready to sort out your life!

What else is the point of taking things apart? Look at your wardrobe through the eyes of a man. What do men love? They love feminine things. Not extremely sexy, not home-worn, not baggy, but feminine. These are elegant quality clothes, classic or fashionable, if the fashion looks towards femininity.

I think a lot of people want to argue here. Different, of course, there are men.

Let's put it this way: look at your wardrobe through the eyes of a man you might like.

But be careful, it's not a fact that a rocker on a harley wants to see a similarly dressed girl next to him, or maybe he dreams of flowing dresses and lace.

In any case, men do not like our “comfortable clothes”: sweaters, pants that are tight on the back and stomach, hoodies. Many men, if asked, will say that women are beautiful in dresses and skirts. Arrange a poll if possible.

In general, try! Change your wardrobe, add classic basic things that suit your figure to it (besides, you have already lost weight 😉)

Same approach with shoes. She must be feminine. Even if these are sneakers, let them be female in color and non-bulldog style. But remember that superheels, which make the leg a deck and a hoof, involuntarily make you tortured, not joyful in the eyes of people.

If there is no money for new things, experiment with kits, diversify with accessories. You can arrange an exchange with friends. It often turns out that what you really need, someone takes up space in the closet and lies idle.

So, the goals of parsing the wardrobe:

Willingness and a sense of positive change,
freedom from unnecessary things,
feeling new and beautiful
willingness to sort out not only the wardrobe, but also your life (hereinafter, point by point).

Item #3: Forgive all men

Close friends told me "you're not married because you don't want to." Why don't I want to?! As if she wanted to get married! But when my spiritual father told me the same thing, I decided to seriously think about it. And then, as often happens in such cases, the Lord directed my thoughts.

At our entrance, residents lay out unnecessary things and books below. One day I saw a pink thin brochure about "true love." It turned out to be some kind of American psychological theory, but one chapter puzzled me.

It suggested that you make a list of everyone you are offended by or who has influenced you badly.

The point was to remember and forgive. Do not just forgive, but enter into the circumstances, understand that they did not want evil, did not want to offend, but it just so happened. And if you wanted to, you still have to forgive and let go, leave it in the past.

And I realized that, it turns out, I don’t expect anything good from marriage, because I saw a lot of “bad” deeds of men.

I began to think and realized that in my heart there is a lot of resentment against men, close and not close. On those who deceived the senses, who did not act as they would like.

It turned out that if you reconsider these situations, understand and forgive all men, it will be very easy on the soul.

Item #4: Turn to God

With grievances and other burdens, it's just the right time to get to confession. Then the heart will receive final relief and purity.

It is no secret that the Lord wants us to be good and happy. Does He want you to get married? Why not, if it will be for the best, if it will contribute to your spiritual growth. And if not? What if marriage becomes a nightmare for you and ends in divorce? Maybe you're not ready yet? How to prepare?

I thought I didn't know if I was ready, so I decided to ask.

Why not pray to God and ask Him to reveal what to prepare for, what to change in yourself. Ask Him to direct thoughts and deeds for the better.

And He answered.

Circumstances appeared in my life, and people with stories and advice, and most importantly, I began to clearly see what qualities of mine would interfere with my family life.

Carefully observing my life, I saw the main character traits - passions (speaking in spiritual terms) that can ruin everything.

That is, I myself can ruin my own happiness and ruin the life of a loved one.

So what can be done? Pray, ask all questions and carefully monitor the circumstances of your life, relationships with people and how you build them, what mistakes you make, and how all this may look in family life.

God help!

Only these passions of mine interfere with my family happiness now, so the Lord showed me everything correctly. I continue to struggle, but with a clear understanding of what needs to be corrected in myself.

Item number 5: wait and trust

Your future husband, too, may be making his spiritual journey towards you. Maybe he is not ready yet, does not want marriage, but he thinks and works on himself. Let's trust God, He thinks about us more than we about Him, and wishes us all happiness and love. Christ performed the first miracle at a wedding, and the water became wine. The Lord wants us to meet our husbands, to have a wedding and a loving family life. So that we work for each other, work on our shortcomings for the sake of each other and thus become closer to God.

Therefore, there is no need to rush what is not happening yet. It is best to change for the better and trust God.

Item number 6: activity and openness

Can you smile at a stranger at a bookshelf or in a supermarket? Why not. If you do not close yourself off from people, do not expect negative things from everyone, but believe that they are all good and kind, then life is more pleasant, at least. Why not post your beautiful new photo on social media?

My husband and I met on Facebook, although we live in the same building and go to the same church.

I think you know many such stories.

In general, social networks can be used for dating. Not like a dating site, but just to show yourself as you are. Beautiful, smart, funny, thinking and not indifferent. Open posts "for everyone", share your thoughts and pies, because among the friends of your friends there may be people very close to you in spirit. Let them see you.

We have such an information age, people recognize each other in social networks. What's wrong?

But in real life, one should not forget about openness, a smile and a positive attitude. People are everywhere around us, we don't need to shun or be afraid of them, although we don't need to see every potential husband, of course. Just try to be open and positive. It is very interesting.

Charitable organizations and the Mercy service have a lot of activities for volunteers. Many volunteers, helping people, met both friends and future wives and husbands.

And why not be like all those lectures about everything in the world that so many are doing now. And how many interesting things are in museums and at numerous exhibitions. What a circle of nice cafes, shops, small galleries. What interesting people go there - everyone has a smile and a friendly infusion.

Item number last. "And then we'll live!"

I often catch myself thinking that here is a little more “and we will live!”. In a sense, everything will be fine and forever. That's my fault. Life is not like that. There is nothing stable in our life.

Do not think that now you are unhappy because you are not married. But marry your beloved and you will be happy. There is a very high chance that you will not be happy. Because you need to see it not in marriage, but everywhere: in people, in work, in nature, in creativity, in general around, in yourself, in God.

Many times I heard and read when the priests said that you need to fight against sins in order to be happy. As clichéd as it may sound, it's true.

If you are unhappy now, then it is very likely that marriage will not change this, but will only add problems.

But if you start correcting yourself with God's help, then even now life will get better, and then it will be easier and happier to live with your husband.

Illustrations by Olga Sutemyeva

Erofeevskaya Natalya

Forty years is truly considered some absolutely impossible age for marriage. Indeed, for the first marriage, this period seems to someone too late, for the second (and subsequent) a reasonable question arises - why? Of course, we do not exclude the possibility of full-fledged love and the desire to constantly be close to your loved one. In addition, at 42 or 47, close relationships are valued in a completely different way: in the head the wind has gone off its own, which means that it is quite possible to hope for a happy marriage.

At 40 with a ponytail just wanting to get married is not enough whatever the reasons for this desire. We need opportunities, we need applicants. And advice from a psychologist. Indeed, in addition to the maturity of thinking, middle-aged women usually, in addition to their life baggage, acquire various complexes, cease to follow their appearance so closely, as in their youth, and lose an attractive figure for men. And how can a woman get married at 40 if she feels neither unique, nor interesting, nor seductive? And if this same life experience is burdened by an unsuccessful previous marriage - disappointments and pain?

Photo wedding after 40 years

Is it really worth it to get married at that age?

If you outline the circle of reasons why a woman after 40 may want to get married, then perhaps it will be easier to develop strategic plans to fulfill this desire. And there can actually be several reasons - from everyday to romantic:

After 40 years, every woman for herself will weigh the possibility of a new marriage more than once or twice, especially if there was an unsuccessful previous experience

Most often, relationships after 40 years do not immediately claim to create a family - for this you will have to work hard on yourself, listen not only to the call of the heart, but also to the voice of reason.

Photo of a happy woman over 40

And how to do it?

Yes, years are ticking regardless of our attitude: 42, 43, 45…. It is only in her heart that a forty-year-old woman feels like a former mischievous girl. In fact, wrinkles and the first gray hair are already reflected in the mirror, you want to have less and less fun, and stay at home more and more often. Down with these senile moods! If there is a chance to make your life more interesting and full, you should definitely use it!

Psychology recommends, first of all, to put your own thoughts in order, that is, to really weigh, whether it is necessary or not. Get used to a new person, adapt to his desires. Or maybe he snores or is a staunch vegetarian? Not ready to give up your favorite steamed patties or cook two lunches or two dinners day after day, put up with his dirty socks, annoying habit of watching everything on TV? Then settle down with marriage and fill your life with a pet, a charitable foundation, intellectual recreation and trips around the country and the world.

But if you firmly decided to radically change your life and once again try yourself as a spouse, then it's time to start serious work on yourself. A man at this age already appreciates home comfort, delicious food, affection and the character of the chosen one, comfortable for living together. And, of course, her appearance - at any age, a man wants to be proud of his beloved and wants her to look attractive. Regular trips to the beautician, as well as stylish jewelry, can help with this.

So, first steps towards a new marriage:

We remember that we are no longer 20 or even 30. The competition in the pursuit of the male half of humanity is great, and our speed and external data, alas, are far from the same. Conclusion: shock put the body in order and maintain a newly acquired physical form, make a fashionable haircut, do not disdain manicures and pedicures, learn how to make beautiful makeup for any occasion.
There are certain advantages in a middle-aged woman: she more experienced sexually, knows how to be liberated and attentive in bed, most often does not resist bold experiments. This is where a toned body and self-confidence come in handy.
Wisdom is another bonus in the life piggy bank of a woman over forty. She will not throw a tantrum out of the blue, she will do without breaking dishes and many hours of sawing. This lady already knows how to find an approach to a beloved man, quickly and painlessly convince him of his innocence. Calmness and comfort, a faithful friend and colleague who will always listen, understand and support - for this, almost any man is ready to put on the ring again.
Intelligence and versatility. Being interesting not only for yourself, but also for others is half the battle! You can draw attention to your person, given that there are a lot of beautiful cheerful girls around, with modern views, interesting conversation (but not cleverness!), The ability to keep up the conversation on any topic - from politics to sports. A man will undoubtedly appreciate such a wide range of interests and at least pay attention to such an intellectually valuable object.

And of course, cheerfulness and positive! A smile, shining eyes, interesting plans for the future - all this makes an ordinary woman bright and desirable: after all, a man wants his life to become more interesting, brighter and more prosperous. Is it possible to get married after 40 years? Of course, with a certain desire and luck, it is possible: many women find their happiness not only at this age, but also much older!

Many women who did not have time to find a life partner at a young age or were forced to part with old partners are not at all deprived of the chance to find a suitable match for themselves again. Remember, as in the movies: “After forty, life is just beginning!”

A few words about stereotypes of thinking

Yes, on the one hand, the situation is not very encouraging: it seems that all the peers have already been “taken apart”, and those who are not married are burdened with children, alimony, their own complexes, and generally a loser. If there was a travel guide, someone argues, he would sit at home with his family, and not look for a new lady.

But in fact - all this is nothing more than stereotypes. Who said that after forty years a person has no right to happiness? Has no right to be loved?

I am generally surprised by those women who believe that their mothers should devote their lives to caring for their family. Of course, young forty-year-old grandmothers should help children, but only at their own request and within reasonable limits. And the rest of the free time a lonely young grandmother may well devote to finding a life partner.

How to look for a life partner

But the word "search" does not mean the constant running around the city with eyes wide with effort in endless attempts to "lasso" someone. No, a forty-year-old woman can choose thoughtfully and with dignity. Why?

Firstly, such a woman, as a rule, already has financial stability and is no longer looking for a man who would support her, and men value the financial independence of a woman.

Secondly, a forty-year-old lady already knows her style perfectly, understands what suits her and what doesn’t, and uses it perfectly. She does not make up brightly and unrestrainedly, which young women sometimes sin, her clothes are tastefully chosen and, moreover, are in no way inferior to youth ones.

In addition, official registration of relationships is no longer so important for women at this age, which also attracts men.

Of course, there are exceptions, but in general, women after forty clearly know what they want from life and from themselves. This is what attracts sometimes twenty-thirty-year-old boys to women of post-Balzac age.

And those around are surprised: why did he get in touch with this old galosh? Let them be surprised and envy themselves, what is your opinion before stupid gossip?

Where can you meet

And finally, we come to the most important and burning question: where can a woman meet a man after forty years? The answer is simple: in the same place where all people of other ages meet!

Here is one way to meet a great man:

Street, cafes, the Internet, a festive evening with friends, even your own entrance - everywhere you can find the man of your dreams, if a kind sincere smile shines on your face, and the light of love for life and genuine interest in people shine in your eyes!