How to learn to communicate with people? We comprehend the art of effective communication. How to learn to communicate with people: expert advice

Secrets of sociability - what affects the ability to communicate, how to overcome the fear of communication and become an interesting conversationalist?

Many people indicate qualities such as sociability, or the ability to communicate with other people as their merits. However, in reality it often turns out that their capabilities are limited to communicating only in a certain company with persons close to them (relatives or friends), before whom certain rules of correctness may not be respected. For example, you can often see young people who, standing in a circle, express their thoughts and relationships exclusively using obscene language. At the same time, they can clap each other on the backs, engage in a comic battle, laugh out loud and comment on the words of the interlocutors only with the help of short “swearing” words. When such people fall into the company of people unfamiliar to them, their more than liberated behavior changes dramatically: they become sandwiched, they can say almost nothing intelligible. When dealing with people of the opposite sex, the same situation may arise, especially if the person who is attracted to talking does not speak in their usual manner, but has the ability to clearly and clearly state her thoughts without resorting to “strong” expressions.

What factors affect the ability to communicate with other people

Often there are situations when a person whom we know as positive in all respects, an excellent interlocutor, suddenly begins to behave somewhat differently. He can be absent-minded, at times aggressively reacting even to the most trifling remarks and remarks, generally abandoning the intention to even maintain the appearance of a conversation and completely withdraw into himself. Uncertain people usually perceive this completely at their own expense and begin to respond with the same aggression or leave the other person.

The question is, what’s the matter? Before you start communicating with others, you need to distract from any negative thoughts and conditions. If you yourself or your interlocutor got up on the wrong foot, all of his charm can evaporate somewhere. All that remains is an annoyed bruise, which no longer inspires any warm feelings and with which you simply do not want to be in the same room.

It so happens that the interlocutors do not have confidence in each other and the conversation in the company is badly glued. Just sitting and looking at each other is uninteresting, so someone takes the liberty of starting the conversation first. What is he doing? First of all, you need to get acquainted with other people sitting around, give your name. A feeling of mistrust arises if the person who started this process finds out the names of other people present, but does not give his own name.

Often, the initiative in communication comes from one person

Another nuance is to start or intervene in a conversation without relying on interesting and familiar to other people topics. Not knowing what others are talking about, you can get into a mess and then spend the rest of the evening, angry with yourself and others for what happened.

The complete absence of any manifestations of emotions or, conversely, excessive emotionality, especially exaltation, also does not cause a desire to communicate with a person who demonstrates all this. One gets the impression that he is either too “frozen” in expressing his feelings, or simply does not know when to stop if he shows his feelings. Both that and another sharply reduces the level of trust and desire to communicate. The simplicity of emotions, smiles and laughter is out of place - this is clearly not the means that allow you to draw other people to yourself and create an atmosphere conducive to communication.

Have you ever seen how people who do not even know each other very well sometimes create interesting situations when they want to talk? They sit closer, but not so much that their communication looks too intimate. It is also difficult to imagine how you can interest another person by yourself, being at a distance of about 3-5 meters from him, and conduct a conversation on personal topics. On the other hand, if a person completely unfamiliar to you sits right next to you, starts grabbing hands, patting on the shoulder or whispering intrusively in your ear ... This behavior usually makes you want to quickly stop talking and run away from your vis-à-vis as quickly and further as possible.

Or such a case when someone excitedly talks about something, not even paying attention to the reaction of others. At the same time, he accompanies his every word with immoderate gesticulation, annoying gaze or does not look at anyone at all. One can only guess what desires are ripening in the souls of those who were not lucky enough to be there ...

Failed communication experiences can make you introverted

Summing up the above, we note that factors such as:

the emotional state of the interlocutors;
common interests of those present;
visual contact and the distance between the interlocutors;
a sense of self-confidence;
emotional involvement in the communication process;
ability to listen to others.

How to learn to communicate with other people

Some people sometimes cause a slight envy that they can easily communicate with those around them. It seems that the very opportunity to approach someone and start a conversation with him does not represent anything complicated for them. But for others, the very thought of it seems simply awesome: what if this person says something that, after his words, just wants to fall through the ground? Or die on the spot?

It is often difficult to start a conversation

Give up prejudice. Starting communication with another person, you need to abandon any ready-made attitudes and thoughts on his account. It is different “cockroaches” like “what if”, “what if”, “God forbid” and so on can suppress your ability to see a person in front of you in the bud. A person, not the label that you managed to hang on him because of his appearance or behavior. Remember, no one is responsible for your burden of experienced failures or what you call your failure. You are also far from an angel, and other people have to put up with your shortcomings. Better pay attention to the positive qualities of the person with whom you are communicating. As psychotherapists say, a person has no shortcomings, but there are peculiar advantages that you need to take a closer look at and learn to accept them.

Be confident. An important key to developing the ability to communicate with others is to be a confident person. Moreover, a person with such qualities we calculate intuitively. Such a person behaves without too much fuss, selects words, is not afraid to look into the interlocutor’s eyes and express his emotions. At the same time, he does not stick out his knowledge and competence, expresses himself in the right language, does not try to crush his status and authority. Before giving an answer, he withstands a short pause, speaks measuredly and quietly, but not in a whisper.

Keep eye contact and use feedback. Usually people who are known as good conversationalists can listen to others. This is expressed in the fact that they not only listen, but also ask various clarifying questions and encourage the interlocutor. Moreover, from time to time they look into the interlocutor’s eyes, but do not use X-ray examination. Usually the gaze of the police usually causes a desire to escape from such a deep immersion in someone's inner world.

Be able to listen to the interlocutor

Do not decide for your interlocutor how to behave to him. Often in films on the topic of relations between men and women, a moment is played out when the reason for the conflict is shown - the inability to listen to another person. He talks about his, you about his. Then everyone begins to accuse the other of inattention, but for some reason no one even gets the idea that their own egoism and wrong expectations in relation to other people may be to blame. In the sense that a person is more interested in their thoughts, feelings and relationships than other people from their immediate environment. It’s like in a joke that a man, going into the bathroom to wash and shave, got out from there with a divorced man in about five minutes. And all because the wife asked some question, she answered herself, got angry, offended and ... finita la comedy.

Express your thoughts clearly and clearly. Learn to express your thoughts in an accessible and clear manner. Some believe that a special highlight of the conversation is given by omissions and the ability to read between the lines. Usually, everything happens exactly the opposite: if someone does not fully understand what they are talking about, he begins to feel a sense of irritation, boredom and a desire to simply retire somewhere else. Where everyone talks about understandable things and understandable language.

Avoid value judgments and ask questions.. It is also important to be able to avoid evaluative reactions like "Bullshit," "Nonsense," or "Think of It!" When the interlocutor receives such an assessment from a communication partner, he has the impression that nobody is interested in the issues that concern him. A sense of one’s own insignificance and inferiority wakes up in him. Whatever he says, you need to listen to him to the end. But do not bombard a person with an endless stream of questions, otherwise he will decide that he is being interrogated with an addiction and will try to interrupt his difficult communication.

Be able to manage the attention of the interlocutor. An important point that allows you to attract other people to yourself is the ability to manage space and your body. This means that you need to be able to reduce or increase the distance between yourself and the interlocutor. For example, if you think that the atmosphere is too high, it makes sense, using the pretext, to leave a person alone with his thoughts for a while. You can disappear from his field of vision, but do not interrupt communication. You can ask questions or tell something, better with a humorous subtext. It is better to switch the interlocutor's attention to something else, to distract him in this way. For example, offer a cup of tea or coffee, offer sweets or fruits. The psychological meaning of this is that from a verbal, mental or emotional channel a person switches to the level of sensations and the tension decreases.

Broaden your horizons and vocabulary. A person who knows how to express even the simplest things in a beautiful literary language immediately attracts attention. People are starting to reach out to him simply out of a desire to chat and listen. Remember how Dumas described the oldest of the musketeers - Athos? Despite his modest clothes, he immediately became the center of attention of any company. He was distinguished not only by magnificent manners, but also by the ability to maintain a conversation on any topic. He even surprised the king, who considered himself an expert in the field of falconry.

The most important thing - don't be afraid to chat! Even if they do not answer you the way you wanted, nothing bad will happen to you personally. A negative result is also a result that gives life experience. But next time you will know that there are some nuances with which you must be very careful. Without practice, any skill atrophies on its own. Including the ability to say something ...

The psychology of communication is undoubtedly one of the most important areas of our lives. Every day, in one way or another, we interact, get acquainted and talk with people around us. This is a natural process proceeding from the very nature of man, as a social being.

However, sometimes, situations arise when for some reason it is difficult for us to communicate, especially when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex, meeting people or maintaining existing relationships. Each person, with rare exceptions, undoubtedly feels the desire to communicate, but certain complexes, imposed beliefs prevent him from doing this. This article will reveal the basic principles and how to learn how to communicate with people.

Is there any way to relax and enjoy it? How to stop being constrained, overcome the feeling of anxiety and fear of communication, stop worrying about nothing and make your life much more pleasant, thanks to this?

The key role of communication in human life has long been proven by scientists. Our well-being, successful life and relationships directly depend on it.

Before moving on to tips to combat the fear of communication, it is necessary to identify the very cause of this fear and the discomfort associated with it. Knowing the root of the problem, revealing its essence, it will be much easier to solve it.

How not to be afraid to communicate with people

Perhaps the fear of communication lies in your childhood, think about it, maybe you will remember some kind of conflict that happened to you as a child.

Then you did not attach much importance to this, however, a negative sediment remained on the subconscious, and now it prevents you from developing. In this case, you should consult with a specialist, or undergo a series of psychological trainings that will help you overcome the current situation.

There may be other, less deep-seated reasons, such as:

inability to correctly build connections and relationships
inability to make contacts
lack of understanding
excessive modesty
your shyness, shyness
excessive restraint and meekness
low self-esteem
complexes about appearance
inability to listen and understand other people
fear of displeasing others

In order to overcome this fear, you first of all need to understand that ...

I have to admit the presence of this fear. Often people accumulate all their feelings within themselves, which further aggravates the situation, or they themselves cannot accept the problem, denying it day by day. It’s best to tell someone about this fear. This is the most common way in psychology, when you share a problem with friends or relatives and you feel better, you are no longer constrained by these thoughts. The feeling of negativity caused by your experiences comes out with the words. Talk about it more and more, and soon, you yourself will cease to understand why you were so afraid.
Changes in you will not happen in one day. This process can take a long time, only daily long-term work on oneself will give fruitful results.
You need to stop thinking about this problem. The more you concentrate on it, the more insoluble it seems to you. Relax and enjoy the process.
You need to do what you are most afraid of. Start talking, talking to someone, and do it all the time. Continuous practice is needed. It is impossible to overcome psychological problems solely by reading literature and special articles. To learn how to calmly talk with people, to defend your position, you need to start acting. Confidence and calm in communication directly depend on the acquired practical experience. The more it is, the better. Do not stop.
Remember, if you decide to deal with the problem, and at the same time do nothing, it means that you have decided to do nothing.
Fight with yourself, do not stop at the result, believe in yourself and try to find a person who would support you.
If it’s difficult for you to communicate directly with people, then start with phone calls. Think, maybe you have long planned to do something, and certain information is not available to you, and you can get it only by calling, for example, a help desk or Internet service provider. Start calling, find out the cost and all kinds of details. Write in advance a list of questions that you want to ask, and get started. You ask about the work schedule, their location, email address, mail, ask for an explanation of how you can find them.
Gradually, you will achieve the desired result, your voice will stop trembling, stiffness will pass, and you will no longer need a piece of paper with questions, you will improvise. So you prepare yourself for the next step - real communication. To do this, talk with strangers as often as possible, ask them specific questions or ask them to ask: find out how to get to the place you need, which bus is better to take, which bus stop, how to get somewhere, where it is or other organization. In stores, be sure to agree to the offer of a consultant to help you (or come up with questions to the seller yourself). Look for all sorts of occasions for communication on your own, this will serve the effective development of your imagination and relieve unnecessary stress when making new acquaintances with people.
Try to read more, find out new information every day, and form your own opinion about certain events. Practice more often with loved ones, because when you talk to them, you feel more relaxed than with strangers. Tell us about a movie you recently watched or about a book you read: what you liked or didn't like and why; your opinion about the main characters; plot; Will you be reviewing this film or re-reading a book, or perhaps you will try other books by the author.

What if I don’t want to talk to me?

There are situations when we come to a new team or we are invited to spend time in the company, however, the contact does not work out, you move away from the group and become a black sheep, you are bypassed and avoid talking to you. The reason for this may be a lack of energy, interest in others and a vital drive, as well as interests, hobbies and opinions.

If you are confident in yourself, then behave as naturally as possible and, importantly, keep your inner calm.

Do not attach much importance to what is happening. But don’t wait for someone to come and meet you. Take the first step yourself, be more proactive, take part in discussions, do not refuse if you are asked for something.

Another problem may be communication with the opposite sex.

Let's move on to tips

How to learn to communicate with guys

Proper communication with the guy will help you build a good long-term relationship.

Remember, if the conversation is at an impasse, and your interlocutor has nothing to talk about with you, then he almost immediately loses interest in you.

To understand how to talk and what, try to find out what he is, what he does, whether he has hobbies and what he loves.

Try to be positive and fun., everyone likes these people, they make them smile and forget about their problems. A smile always inspires confidence and leads to mutual understanding. In no case do not forget to smile, this will help you avoid stress in the conversation. Never wring your hands, do not cross them on your chest, because this gesture on the subconscious is perceived as protection and closeness, unwillingness to contact, the desire to protect your comfort zone. Do not be nervous and do not strain, do not bite your lips, this is also a sign of awkwardness. Be yourself.

When talking with a guy, try to choose topics that he is passionate about, try to figure them out yourself, and then proceed to the discussion.

Of course, it is not necessary to know everything thoroughly. Ask him something on the topic, he will only be pleased that you are not indifferent to his knowledge and opinion.

Do not be silent, but if it happens that you do not find something to answer, then say that you are not familiar with this. Thus, you will be able to show your unobtrusiveness, the guy will understand that you are not so easily interested. If a guy asks to tell about himself, do not forget, a couple of main points about his life and that’s all. Recall, when communicating with guys, it is necessary to focus all attention on them, and not on oneself.

You can talk with a guy on various topics, based on your mood, but without vulgarity and intimate details, this is unacceptable during the first communication. Try to talk on well-known topics, you should avoid female gossip and discussion of other people behind them.

The most important thing is to maintain a relaxed conversation, this will let you understand what exactly the guy is interested in.

How to learn to communicate with girls

If you liked a girl and you don’t know where to start, to start a conversation with her, then just smile and greet her. A warm and sincere smile always sets in a positive way when communicating. Try to make your smile look warm and sincere. Do it, and no girl can resist such a tempting invitation to meet.

« What should I talk about with her?"- such a question arises at the very moment when you are alone with a pretty girl, further acquaintance with which would give you great pleasure.

Ask questions, but at the same time, avoid those to which she could answer monosyllabically "yes" or "no." Instead: “Do you like this movie? “What movies do you usually watch?” or "How do you feel about ...?" Unleash your imagination, learn more about your interlocutor. This advice is really effective if you do not know how to talk in silence.

Thanks to these tips, you will learn how to enjoy your stay in the company, you will have people to yourself. If you still feel that you are shy when communicating with unfamiliar people, remember what we told you about today. It's time to overcome your fears.

Video: How to communicate with a variety of people?

Attention, only TODAY!

Talking with people is sometimes confusing. You probably often think that you would like conversations to bring joy, and not be a burden. If you cannot gather your thoughts when you are going to say something, or feel that you cannot say anything, the time has come to improve your communication skills and return the joy of communicating with people.

Steps

Learn from others

Start of conversation

Put yourself in a conversation with people. At the very beginning of the conversation, all participants are at a comfortable distance from each other. Try to stand or sit next to those close to you.

Introduce yourself to the group. This is a common procedure for every person. It can be a nod of the head or just the word "hello", and it would be better if you say the name. Standard phrases like “how are you?” and "good, how are you?" commonly used to create the proper atmosphere in a group. Experiment with phrases. The conversation follows the usual pattern: greeting, the essence of the conversation and farewell. The essence of the conversation follows the greeting.

Now your interlocutors will speak in turn. Express your opinion during the conversation, although it is completely normal and even important to remain a listener as long as required.
Farewell: after a while, the conversation will come to an end and people will say goodbye.

Start the conversation yourself.
- Create a comfortable atmosphere. Do this with a pose, tone of voice, or friendly expression.
- Maintain a friendly atmosphere towards the people you want to talk to.
- Engage people in the conversation. Do this with your original question. Ask a question that is easy to answer. Or analyze the situation that both of you know.
- Keep up the conversation (it's as if you were the boss at a small party).

Connect to the conversation one at a time

If you have been given a word from other people, use this opportunity correctly. For example, you may be asked a question. Or someone may suggest that you express your opinion using gestures or non-verbal means of communication.
- Connect to the conversation yourself. There is always a slight pause in the conversation when the one who speaks ends his thought. Take matters into your own hands and fill in the pause. But someone might try to say something at that very moment. There is always a friendly rivalry between group members. You can be the first!
Say what you want to say. When we listen to a conversation, we are overwhelmed with feelings, thoughts and reactions. Respond to your inner urges and at the same time reduce the conversation to what was discussed before. Join the conversation.

Unleash your ability to respond. Talking is much harder than writing, because it's like music. There is rhythm, melody, harmony, spontaneity and movement in a conversation. These are qualities that are as important as lyrics. Unleash your ability to respond with variations in voice, facial expression and gestures.

Remember that ideas come when you speak. But if they do not come, try to focus on what you want to say, for example, using words such as “uh” or other expressions of confusion, and you can also ask yourself questions out loud. Some teachers underestimate the importance of such words ( think before you say); but this is not true. In fact, in conversation it is important to use words that have no meaning in order to achieve a higher meaning.

Connect to the conversation

Go to a group of people. Become an interested observer for a while.

Get even closer and find out if your presence is desirable. This is usually determined by secret gestures and movements.

Try to keep up the conversation by listening to others and evaluating their thoughts.

After a while, make a farewell sign and leave.

Improving Communication Skills

Follow the structure of the conversation. It's simple. Greeting; the essence of the conversation; parting. The nature of greetings and farewells varies across cultures, but overall this is a standard procedure. Both greetings and goodbyes are an opportunity to express good wishes to other people. .

Listen to the conversation. After the greeting, you need to join the conversation, saying something impressive! It’s best to preliminarily listen to what is at stake. You will understand the interests of people and will be able to catch the rhythm of the conversation.

Do not feel obligated to listen to everything. It is very simple to overflow with all that others are talking about and undergo hypnosis, so it will be impossible to gather thoughts. Learn how to relax during a conversation in order to gather your own thoughts.

Listen to what they say and get involved in exclamations. Exclamations are expressions of feelings. When people agree, they can say yes or other expressions of reaction. When we disagree, we use other means of expression.

Realize your own goal in the conversation. Examples of conversation goals are as follows:

Fun and easy communication.
Research issue.
Provision of information.
Encouraging or persuading people.

Identify the risk of what is said. Mumbling with everyone is fun, and you don't take that risk until you gain confidence. Asking questions about what is being discussed in the conversation is welcome, and this is also not a big risk. Talking with yourself, you are very risky, but this is allowed when talking on standard topics. Switching to personal topics, touching on political or religious topics increases the risk of disagreement and irritation, but this does not mean that you should avoid such conversations. Try to determine the depth and seriousness of other interlocutors.
Connect more silent group members to the conversation. To get as much out of the conversation as possible, it is important to hear everyone, not just dominant personalities. This does not mean that you should require someone to express their thoughts or bombard them with questions, but you just have to look at them during the conversation and make it clear that you take them into account. Leave some time after someone finishes speaking so that a less self-confident person can say something.
- If you notice that someone is talking, but does not include quiet people in the conversation, you can redirect attention to them when they are talking to you. For example, if you just finished talking, it is likely that the next speaker will pay attention to you, as he will express thoughts about what you said. If everyone pays attention to you, you can easily redirect attention to other people in the group. This helps, because when you look into someone’s eyes, and they look somewhere else, it’s quite normal to look away.
- These fears are a bit controversial, but most people experience these fears to a certain extent. This is completely normal, and we can use fear as a reminder that you need to learn, practice and develop skills.

Warnings

In any conversation, there is a risk of losing your social position if you speak out of place. But there is also the opposite risk if you lack confidence in your own ideals and opinions.
This guide is suitable for the English-speaking regions of the West. In other regions, customs may differ, for example, there is a conversation in turn, depending on the status in the group.
Stay safe. You may accidentally speak with someone who may misunderstand you. A person can understand what you say, not the way you would like and take advantage of it. Think about how to maintain your point of view and your own security before you get into this situation.

The world is so arranged that some people talk too much without stopping for a second, while others in society cannot squeeze out words. What is the reason for this? The inability to express one’s thoughts, maintain a conversation and conquer the interlocutors with filigree syllables depends primarily on the complexity and self-doubt, and not on a lack of intelligence, as many believe. However, to continue to shut itself in, calming the soul with the dubious “I do not like to communicate with people and I will not!” not worth it at all. Even scholars with a rich inner world, who have read more than one hundred books and are remarkable for their remarkable intellect, may have difficulty communicating.

The word is one of the strongest tools of man

The ability to communicate and influence people by the power of words is considered the golden quality of modern man. Without correctly constructed phrases, you cannot conclude a contract, make a banal congratulation at a wedding, win the heart of a girl, not to mention the fact that many promising professions will be inaccessible to you. In the beginning was the word, and it will always be.

“Every thought expressed in words is a force whose action is unlimited.” These are the words of L. N. Tolstoy, once again proving that we need to learn and be able to communicate with people. People who can masterly use the word are universal favorites, all doors are open to them, it is much easier for them to build a career and achieve their goal. Their secret is that they know how to communicate with people, they know where, when and what to say, where to keep silent, and where to argue. However, they do not have any extrasensory abilities and developed intuition. Everyone can master the art of communication - there would be a desire.

Secrets of a fruitful conversation

The basic principle of communication with people is based on the mirror rule: "As you are to others, so are they to you." Your rudeness will cause a negative response, inattention will be paid for with the same coin, and sharp gestures, jerky speech and the habit of interrupting will make you one of the most unpleasant interlocutors.

So how to communicate with people correctly? The most important components of a good conversation are:

politeness;
interest;
interest;
attention;
moderate gesticulation;
unhurried and calm speech;
sensitivity and responsiveness;
listening skills.

As you see, nothing supernatural! No need to memorize jokes and long tirades, no need to show tricks to be appreciated, only elementary politeness - and the interlocutor is supportive of you!

Consider the 10 basic rules of communication, having mastered which, you will become one of the most pleasant interlocutors.

Smile is another secret weapon from the arsenal of beneficial means for people. After all, who would like to talk with a person on whose face a lifeless, detached expression froze? The same can be said of a person who constantly smiles - he can be mistaken for an abnormal one. The main thing in the conversation is to maintain balance. Smile politely from time to time, but don’t laugh out of place, especially at the moment when you are told about your problems, but also not laugh through force - the laugh made is visible a mile away.

When communicating, try to look into the interlocutor’s eyes, while continuing to maintain a polite interest on your face even when the topic of the conversation is completely uninteresting to you. People do not like those who look to the floor or to the side - this speaks either of the dishonesty of the interlocutor, or of his bad education. Follow these two rules, and soon the problem of how to communicate with people will be irrelevant for you.

Moderate gestures

In the psychology of communication, along with a smile, gesturing is no less important. Try not to make sudden movements during the conversation and not to fuss, giving the impression of a nervous person. And even more so do not tap the mobile phone on the table, do not drum your fingers, do not look at yourself in the mirror and do not paint your lips. The interlocutor at best will consider that you are bored, and at worst - will form an opinion about you as an ill-mannered and uncivilized person.

All people, without exception, welcome unhurried, soft gestures, open postures (no arms crossed on the chest) and palms. At the same time, follow the widespread method of “mirroring”: imperceptibly repeat the interlocutor’s gestures and sit in his pose. The method works flawlessly - a person at a subconscious level will feel some unity with you, and then sympathy.

I can not communicate with people, or How to start a conversation

Such situations have happened to you when you just needed to start a conversation, but you did not know how to start it, with what words and on what topic? In such cases, choose any universal secular topics, such as weather, news, work, people around you, cars. If you are aware of the interests and hobbies of the interlocutor, the best move is to ask him a question from this area, and then ask him to enlighten you. Communication will be provided to you!

If you are in an unfamiliar society, it is better not to enter into a conversation until you are inspired by the “common spirit” and understand what people are interested in. To do this, just carefully listen to each speaker. Your position of the listener in combination with accurately directed clarifying remarks will be appreciated, because everyone likes to speak, but only a few can listen.

Do not interrupt

This is perhaps the main principle of any conversation on which the ability to communicate with people is built. Unnecessary remarks, transferring a conversation to one's own person, impatience, not a desire to listen, but a desire to express oneself, while brazenly interrupting a speaker, will not please anyone. Such behavior will soon disperse the circle of your communication, for selfishness, dominance and lack of sensitivity in the conversation characterize you as an extremely unpleasant interlocutor.

Listening is what everyone needs

Ask the right questions.

However, silently listening to the interlocutor, having managed to not utter a word for his entire monologue, is also not a good option. Ask him questions from time to time, showing your interest and making it clear that you like to have a conversation with him and listen to him. Try not to overdo the questions, otherwise the conversation will smoothly flow into the framework of the interrogation. Those who find it difficult to communicate with people can begin to deal with complexes with this particular method. Moreover, the questions may be something like this: “Yes? Really? And then what happened? Yah! Is it true? What are you? What's next?" In this case, in a conversation it is not recommended:

criticize the profession of the interlocutor;
unceremoniously interested in his income;
confused his name;
upload it with your problems;
show excessive familiarity (clap on the shoulder, shake, grab the button, etc.);

enter into a dispute;
by all appearance to show their superiority.
to be arrogant and arrogant, according to the principle “I do not communicate with anyone, but condescended to you (la), so be happy”;
not admit his wrong, although this is obvious.

Try to communicate with everyone kindly, politely, avoiding slang and cronyism. Do not complain to everyone in a row about their unfortunate fate, low-paying job, tyrannical boss, friends-traitors. You will be listened to one, the second time, but the third time they will start to avoid, because you have a bad habit of sowing negative. If you are open, optimistic and responsive in communication, the doors to any society will open before you.

Control negative emotions

How to learn to communicate with people and make long contacts? To do this, first of all, you should work on yourself, on those qualities of character that prevent you from attracting people to you.

The ability to communicate with people is a special kind of art that also needs to be worked on. This means that a person must be able to admit his mistakes and try not to allow them in the future, as well as control negative emotions.

Broaden your horizons

So that you are in the eyes of people not only an ordinary listener, but also a person with whom it is pleasant and interesting to talk, actively expand your horizons. Read books, be interested in news, events, people. You must admit that a conversation with an erudite interlocutor is much more entertaining than with a person who cannot connect two words. For a fruitful and fascinating conversation, not only the rules of conduct are important, but also what you can give to the other side, if you can understand your interlocutor and maintain a conversation on a particular topic. After all, a comprehensively developed person knows how to communicate with people correctly, knows how to quickly adapt to a conversation and quickly finds a common language with people.

Speak clearly and clearly

To learn how to communicate - communicate!

Many people, feeling awkward and embarrassed when talking, try not to talk to anyone, thereby exacerbating their situation. A person who avoids communication will never be a good conversationalist! You will learn to conduct a casual conversation only in the case of active communication. Put aside your complex “I'm afraid to communicate with people” and start talking. No one requires you to have a fiery speech from a leader, an exciting speaker’s story, a persuading advertiser’s monologue, you can start by just asking questions, talking on familiar topics and listening. Remember, the more you communicate, the faster you will learn the basics of communication. At the same time, you don’t need to complicate your life by reading literature on this topic, study hundreds of sources on the Internet and carefully prepare every word. You just need to communicate, regularly training skills with different people.

Talk with sellers in the market, in the supermarket and boutiques, communicate with colleagues and acquaintances. Each conversation, each new meeting will become a brick in your experience and will help to increase self-confidence. Record your monologue on video and watch facial expressions, gestures, and speech. You will immediately understand what needs to be worked on, and what is your advantage. Train and remember that the power of a word is great, multifaceted and can have a powerful impact on your life.

We hope that we have given comprehensive answers to the question of how to learn how to communicate with people.

Many people are afraid of communicating with people. Some people easily speak to a huge audience, easily make acquaintances and easily support any conversation, filling it with jokes. For some, maintaining an ordinary everyday conversation is a problem. Why it happens? How to learn to communicate with people? Is it possible to learn to communicate easily and not to fear or is it a gift that is not accessible to everyone?

Communication skills are necessary for us every day. Many people think that this skill is necessary only for businessmen to successfully negotiate. But this is not so. Psychologists have proved that communication with people is one of the basic needs of a person that cannot be replaced by anything else. Any relationship between people, be it friendship, marital relationship is impossible without communication. This is the basic need of a person, on which a sense of security depends, a feeling that we are loved and needed by someone, a feeling that we deserve respect.

Inability to communicate often leads to divorce, because the partners simply did not learn how to negotiate. Many suffer from loneliness only because they are afraid to approach and make a new acquaintance. Communication, relationships and psychology are inextricably linked and very strongly affect the quality of human life.

Every person needs communication skills, this is the key to success in many areas of life. You must understand that talking and communicating are not the same thing. The concept of communication in psychology is a rather complex process, which includes both verbal and non-verbal communication. An important role is played not only by the meaning of your words, but also by the timbre of your voice, intonation, postures and gestures. And most importantly - these are thoughts and feelings that are in your subconscious.

Interlocutors always feel what feelings and emotions you actually experience when you communicate. The psychology of interpersonal communication is studying the problem, what are people really afraid of when communicating, what feelings do they experience? This may be a fear of rejection or rejection, anger at offenders, fear of saying something out of place, being misunderstood and unacceptable, fear of expressing one’s opinion, low self-esteem and problems with diction.

Fear of communicating with people usually begins in childhood. And as adults, many cannot survive some psychological trauma caused by parents or peers. “Do not talk bullshit” - the catchphrase of many parents, which sows in a child self-doubt for almost his whole life. Often affected by excruciating speeches at the board or ridicule of peers. Of course, these may not be such deep-seated problems. For example, a person may have difficulty communicating if he is unable to make contacts, is too modest, shy, has low self-esteem or complexes about his appearance, is afraid to cause displeasure of other people, or because of his character, is unable to listen and understand other people.

If you are aware of your problem and often say to yourself, “I don’t know how to communicate,” then it’s time to talk with a psychologist who will help you find the cause of your communication skills disorder and give practical recommendations on how to fix them. You can also help yourself.

Now there are a lot of worthy books about the psychology of communication, which are worth reading:

“The power of charm. How to win hearts and succeed ”(Brian Tracy, Ron Arden)
The Psychology of Influence (Robert Cialdini)
“Hidden human management” (Victor Sheinov)
The Mentalist (Frederick Rapili)
“Grandmaster of communication” (Sergey Deryabo)
“Don't growl at the dog” (Karen Prior)
“Psychology of the masses and analysis of the human self” (Sigmund Freud)
“How to Talk with Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere” (Larry King)
“How to Make Friends and Influence People” (Dale Carnegie)
“Games People Play” (Eric Byrne)

How to learn to communicate with people: rules of communication

Best formulated the rules of communication Dale Carnegie in his books. Here is some of them:

Communication secrets include non-verbal communication techniques. In order to fully learn how to communicate, you need to learn the body language. It is unlikely that someone will carefully listen to the speaker who will stand in front of the audience hunched over and a tambourine something under his breath. People always pay attention to the pose of the timbre of the voice and the speed of speech. Also, special attention is drawn to the eyes of a person. We often notice, he looks confidently, bevelled, crafty or "eyes are burning." There are psychological trainings that teach you to look at your interlocutor correctly - directly, openly, with interest, without oppressing or belittling him.

As for facial expressions, it can be used to find out a person’s mood or send certain signals to oneself.

By gestures and posture of a person, you can easily determine whether it is closed or open during communication. If the arms crossed are hidden in pockets or clenched into fists, then this indicates that the person wants to fence off you, stop communication. Open poses, extended palms indicate that a person wants to communicate. Openness techniques can also be learned through psychological training.

Unusual, but effective communication techniques

To overcome the fear of communication, you can first try to communicate by phone. Write out on a piece of paper all the questions you want to know and call, for example, a beauty salon. Find out what are the procedures, their cost, recommendations. This will be a great first step towards overcoming fear.

You can try at least 10 minutes a day to talk with a chair or flowerpot. It is very difficult, actually. First tell us how you are doing, then make a conversation plan and stick to it. This is a very effective technique to overcome fear in communicating with people.

Try to start a casual conversation with 10 strangers every day. For example, with a seller, a pharmacist, a neighbor, etc. Try to give each of them a compliment. It will liberate you very much.

The psychology of communication helps a person to get rid of the fear of communication with people. First of all, the psychologist helps to realize that there really is a problem, helps to identify the cause of the problem and work on these problems.

A person who is aware of his fear of communicating with people should work hard to overcome these problems. In addition to psychological training, it is important to read a lot, learn more new information. The goal is not so much to become an interesting conversationalist as to become an interesting person.

If a person notices that they do not want to communicate with him, then he is not interested. Not enough energy, drive, hobbies and hobbies. But all this is fixable.

Separately, there is the problem of communicating with the opposite sex. How many single women and men who dream to meet their soul mate. Again, fear prevents talking to a pretty girl or boyfriend.

You should know that when communicating with the opposite sex, as soon as the moment appears when you have nothing to talk about anymore, a person loses interest in you. Therefore, you need to learn about the hobbies and hobbies of a guy or girl, try to figure it out so that you can easily maintain a conversation.

Often, boys and girls perceive the opposite sex as an alien creature, so in order to make contact, the girl will have to learn something about football and beer, and the guy about cosmetics and fashion.

With the opposite sex, try to behave naturally and positively, do not forget to smile, say compliments, and show sincere interest.

Do not be afraid to admit if you are incompetent in any matter. Ask your partner a question; he will be pleased that you are interested in learning more about his hobbies. In general, when dealing with guys it is important to focus on them, not yourself. And do not tell too much about yourself, a couple of facts from life and nothing more. Do not allow vulgarity and intimate details in the conversation at the first meetings. Avoid female gossip and discussion behind your back.

When communicating with a girl, sincerely smile, say unobtrusive compliments and ask questions so that she can answer them in a detailed form.

In general, in order not to feel fear in communication, and in principle not to have any problems with this, you must first of all become interesting to yourself and make your life bright and exciting. All that you do - do it for yourself. You are responsible only for your life, your happiness. As soon as your life is full of colors, people themselves will seek to meet with you and have a desire to talk with you.

All in your hands!