Signs of high self-esteem in the girl. High self-esteem of a woman. Signs High self-esteem of the cause

Every woman wants to be loved, valuable and happy. But for some reason, some achieve this, while others are always in trouble, they are treated without respect, and they are increasingly depressed and sometimes in various addictions. What if you don’t get what you want with all your heart? Change your attitude to yourself, accept yourself and realize that you deserve all the best. So, let's see how a woman with low self-esteem behaves.

It so happens that in different areas we feel differently. For example, a woman can easily be confident in herself as a specialist, and then the professional part of her self-esteem will be high. But this does not mean that she will be confident in herself as a woman.

Women's self-esteem is an internal feeling of their value and attractiveness for the opposite sex. A woman with adequate self-esteem is not afraid of male attention, she feels herself worthy of love and respect. Another attitude to oneself as a woman is strongly influenced by attitudes regarding love, relationships, female and male. For example, many have the belief that “To love is to suffer and sacrifice.” Is it possible with such an attitude to treat yourself with respect?

If we do not believe that we deserve male attention, that the woman among us is "not very", then we will behave accordingly.

1. A woman with low self-esteem is not able and can not accept help, gifts and just male attention. Somewhere inside herself, she does not believe that she is worthy to be loved just like that. Therefore, she is lost or looking for a catch when she is given compliments or trying to get to know each other.

2. Low self-esteem all the time whispers to the woman that she is "not very", that you need to agree to the relationship that she offers. Who knows, what if she can no longer attract anyone? In the meantime, she thinks so, that’s exactly what she will receive: few people are attracted by a self-doubt woman. As a result, she does not consider herself in the right to choose a man and often finds herself in a relationship with those from whom it is better to stay away.

3. Another indicator of low self-esteem - inability to speak directly and aloud about your desires. And this applies not only to help or gifts. Even if a man honestly tries to do well for her, asks what she wants, such a woman speaks in riddles or evades the answer. Each time, the partner has to pull her own desires out of her claws, and sooner or later such games will tire any adequate man. But this state of affairs will completely suit the one whom her desires are not interested in.

A woman with low self-esteem is afraid to “scare” a man, it seems to her that they will love her only if she adapts to other people's desires, if she is comfortable and does not want something for herself. Unconsciously, she believes that love must be earned, and if she is herself, then she will be abandoned. In relationships, these attitudes force women to make any concessions, if only the man was nearby, if only they would not leave us. And this is the best way to be where we are not valued and respected.

4. From here follows one more sign of low female self-esteem: it is not respected by those nearby.

People around us reflect our self-esteem. As you value yourself, others will respond to you. Remember your feelings from different people: there are those who are naughty - well, the language does not turn. And there are those who are drawn to kick. What does it depend on? From self-esteem. If a person feels inner dignity, if he loves and respects himself, he will not allow himself to be rude. He will not maintain communication with those who are disrespectful, he will not tolerate this.

5. Our self-esteem is reflected in how we relate to other women. A woman with low self-esteem constantly compares herself with others and often sees solid competitors around her. If at heart you know that no one else has such a set of qualities as you, then you will not compete. You have your advantages, the other lady has her own. And each will be attractive to those who appreciate its particular features. If you, for example, are tall, then you will be attracted to those men who love tall. That's all.

But if a woman sees a rival in every other lady, this suggests that, deep down, she feels not unique and not valuable. She constantly compares herself with others. And it doesn’t matter if she loses in comparison or wins. Indeed, in this case, her attitude to herself is constantly dependent on those who are close by.

What prevents to increase self-esteem?

Fear of being bad, fear of appearing selfish, fear of being abandoned. We feel that if we love and respect ourselves, then someone may not like it, that we will stop loving. I will not lie and say that everything will be fine. Yes, indeed, there will be people whom this does not suit. After all, what does “egoist” mean? This is a person who is uncomfortable with others. One who thinks with his own head, one who cannot be controlled. And for some people this state of affairs will seem very disadvantageous. Do you need people like you next to them?

Many of us have a fear that if we begin to demand respect from ourselves, if we begin to love and protect ourselves, we will become bad. As one wonderful psychotherapist said: “Protecting your borders, you do not become a bad person. You become an adult. ”

If we do not believe that we deserve male attention, that the woman among us is "not very", then we will behave accordingly. Factum publishes an article from the School of Life online magazine that lists five signs of a woman with low self-esteem:

4. From here follows one more sign of low female self-esteem: it is not respected by those nearby. People around us reflect our self-esteem. As you value yourself, others will respond to you. Remember your feelings from different people: there are those who are naughty - well, the language does not turn. And there are those who are drawn to kick. What does it depend on? From self-esteem. If a person feels inner dignity, if he loves and respects himself, he will not allow himself to be rude. He will not maintain communication with those who are disrespectful, he will not tolerate this.

What prevents to increase self-esteem? Fear of being bad, fear of appearing selfish, fear of being abandoned. We feel that if we love and respect ourselves, then someone may not like it, that we will stop loving. I will not lie and say that everything will be fine. Yes, indeed, there will be people whom this does not suit. After all, what does “egoist” mean? This is a person who is uncomfortable with others. One who thinks with his own head, one who cannot be controlled. And for some people this state of affairs will seem very disadvantageous. Do you need people like you next to them?

Women with low self-esteem suffer from insecurity, are afraid of criticism and do not know how to accept compliments. The familiar role of the victim does not allow us to perceive life in all colors and boldly look to the future. Learning not to give in to manipulation.

As you know, self-esteem is how a person evaluates himself, his personal qualities and capabilities compared to other people, what place he assigns to himself in society. Self-esteem is not inherited - it is formed at preschool age under the influence of the people closest to the child - parents. It depends on them in the first place whether the baby will have adequate self-esteem, overstated or underestimated. And how his future life will turn out, how successful it will be, whether he will be able to set goals and achieve them, or whether he will constantly doubt his abilities and put up with the stigma of a loser - all this depends on the level of his self-esteem.

It’s not easy to live next to people who have high self-esteem, because they are convinced that they are always right, do not see their own shortcomings and do not admit their mistakes. They believe that they have the right to control others, strive to be in the spotlight and show aggression if someone does not agree with them. “You are the best,” they were told in childhood. “You are the queen!”, Dad repeated to the familiar girl. He believed that, feeling like a queen, she would make everyone around her believe in this. But the people around for some reason did not want to play the role of her subjects, and those who wanted to be friends with her became less and less.

It is not easy to live for those whose. For some reason that they understand, parents humiliate the child by showing their power over him, break him down, make him obedient, and ultimately turn him into an infantile limp creature that everyone is wiping his feet on.

“The horror that you have done, you can’t be entrusted with anything!”, “You just spoil everything - it’s better to leave”, “Look at Anya, she’s a girl like a girl, and you are disheveled and sloven”, “Now you will get me, such an infection ! ”- criticism, threats, comparison with other children, reluctance to reckon with the child’s opinion and see the personality in him, conversations with him in an ordered tone reduce his self-esteem and self-esteem. His own attitudes are not yet formed, and he considers parental beliefs an indisputable truth. Psychologists call this direct suggestion, and young children are very suggestible.

If mom and dad call the child a fool and insignificance, then that is how he will begin to perceive himself. As the proverb says: "Tell a man a hundred times that he is a pig, and for a hundred and first he grunts." In the same way others will perceive it.

Another test for a child’s self-esteem is adolescence. At this time, he is very vulnerable and painfully perceives criticism. If he repeats that nothing good will come of him and he has only one way - to prison or to the panel, then one should not be surprised that this will happen.

In the end, people with low self-esteem justify all those nicknames and epithets that they were awarded in childhood. They really become losers, losers, outsiders. They lose, sometimes without even entering the game, because they are indecisive and do not believe in themselves. “I am not worthy,” they explain their loss.

Women with low self-esteem - which men choose them?

Women with low self-esteem, like men with the same character, do not achieve significant success in life, because they “know their place”. However, psychologists noticed that, in addition, they attract men of a certain type to themselves - imperious, authoritarian and selfish. It is beneficial for them to have such a woman at their side, because she is not demanding and she is easy to manage. It is easy to convince her that her main task is to create comfortable conditions for her husband, raise children and she does not have the right to demand more than he can give her.

A woman with low self-esteem is also convenient because she does not need to be jealous - she is grateful to her husband for marrying her and not looking at anyone else. And even if she looks, she believes that she herself does not deserve the attention of men. A husband can relax, because if he were married to a woman with an adequate or high self-esteem, he would have to strain to fit. And so much is forgiven him - pettiness, rudeness, and sloppiness, because a woman believes that she is not worthy of the best.

To a woman with low self-esteem, not only her husband is consumer-friendly, but also those around her. Knowing that she cannot refuse, they sometimes sit on her head, hanging their problems on her and shifting their responsibilities to her. Moreover, women with low self-esteem are often perfectionists who strive to do their best.

Especially easy for them, inspiring them with guilt. In an effort to make amends for this actually non-existent guilt, they are even more trying to please in order to earn praise.

What kind of women are they with low self-esteem?

Many women do not even realize that all their depressions and failures are associated with low self-esteem. They think: this is how life turned out, unfavorable circumstances that prevented us from becoming happy, successful and beloved are to blame. “You won’t get away from fate!” - they humble themselves instead of working on personal attitudes, with the help of which you can change your attitude towards yourself - to love yourself. Aren't we worthy of this love? “I’m alone at home,” says psychologist Yekaterina Mikhailova, who wrote a book under the same title. If we want to be understood, appreciated, and loved by others, we must learn to understand, appreciate, and love ourselves.

Do these women remind us of someone? They are:

1. Failsafe

But not because they are compassionate and feel satisfaction from fulfilling other people's requests. On the contrary, they scold themselves for not being able to refuse, are angry and annoyed. But they can’t say “no”: suddenly the person asking will be offended or will think badly of them, and someone else’s opinion is very important for them, and it must certainly be positive;

2. Painfully criticize

Women with adequate self-esteem also adequately perceive criticism: they accept it or not, without falling into hysteria. If you say that she is wrong, a woman with low self-esteem, for her it will be almost a tragedy. Resentment, tears and indignation will follow, because she perceives criticism as an insult and humiliation, hints of her inferiority. After all, as you know, people with low self-esteem want everyone to like and be good for everyone;

3. Overly critical of their appearance

They do not tolerate criticism from others, but they themselves are never satisfied with themselves and their appearance, therefore they try not to stand out, to be in the shadows. They don’t like their own figure, nor their face, nor their body, nor their hair — nothing. At the same time, they often engage in public self-discipline, obviously, unconsciously expecting others to dissuade them, assure the opposite and make compliments;

4. Do not know how to accept compliments

They love them, but do not know how to accept. It’s possible that in response to the praise that she looks wonderful today, a woman with low self-esteem will bustle and say something like: “Yes, I washed my hair today” or “Oh, this is an old dress, so I don’t see what I’m wearing became a cow ”;

5. Feel like a victim

Their vulnerable psyche painfully reacts to every oblique look and a crooked word. They exaggerate their importance in the lives of other people, it seems to them that others are only thinking about how to offend them. They often feel sorry for themselves, repeating when they fail: "Well, not with my happiness";

6. Refuse their own desires

They have their own dreams and desires, but they are driven somewhere so deep that they no longer remind of themselves. And all because women with low self-esteem live by the wishes of others. Waiting for a weekend to walk with her husband in the park? But he said: "We are going to the cottage to clean the garden, weed the garden." Tired and want to rest? “What a vacation! Look, my old mother is working, but will you lie apart ?! ” “Tomorrow my friends will come to visit me. Do not want? Can not be. Running to the kitchen, to the stove! ”

They do not know how to refuse, because it means to disappoint others, not to justify their hopes, which women with low self-esteem cannot allow;

7. Not able to make a choice and take responsibility

Too often they say the words: “I can’t”, “I won’t succeed”, “I have no right to decide this.” It is not surprising that making a decision for them is an incredible burden, because you can make a mistake and earn disapproval, get a negative rating. Therefore, they hesitate for a long time and, if possible, shift this task to others: “What do you advise? I will do as you say ”;

8. Unhappy with their surroundings

They often complain to colleagues and girlfriends that the husband suppresses them, the mother-in-law picks on her, relatives do not appreciate. At home, they cry that the boss does not take their point of view into account, and employees offend. Psychologists say that subconsciously women with low self-esteem attract people to themselves who do not put them in anything, and thus additionally assert that they are worthless losers.

We increase our self-esteem

Women who are tired of being a puppet and an object of manipulation, who want to live their own lives and not depend on other people's opinions, can adjust their character. It’s easy - you just need to want to change.

1. Minimize or stop communicating with people near whom self-esteem is reduced

We doubt, constantly seek advice, show insecurity, show how someone’s remark hurts us, justify ourselves all the time and easily take the blame on ourselves - and in the end we become such a whipping boy, an eternal scapegoat that no one takes seriously and which is not customary to reckon with. People easily figure out who can be treated condescendingly, downward, and begin to manipulate them.

To a greater extent, we are to blame for this situation ourselves: they say that they treat us the way we allow ourselves to be treated.

But if we are no longer satisfied with this state of affairs, we must “show our teeth” - certainly not with the help of tantrums. We control our reactions, giving no reason to consider us a spineless mummy.

Changing the attitude of those who are already accustomed to our “toothlessness” is more difficult than starting to build relationships from scratch, but possible. However, if others persistently continue to assert themselves at our expense, then we do not need such communication. We will spend time with those with whom we become better and gain confidence in our abilities.

2. Love yourself

They talk and write a lot about the fact that you need to love yourself. To love oneself does not mean to give a damn about the rest and rush with oneself, beloved, as with a written sack. This means understanding yourself, learning to live in harmony with yourself and the world, respect yourself and not engage in self-flagellation and self-discipline.

Louise Hay, a well-known American psychologist and author of several books on psychological self-help, offers to approach the mirror in the morning and, looking at her reflection, say: “I love you. What can I do for you today to make you joyful and happy? ” At first, this phrase will be hindered by some internal protest, but soon it will sound natural and free.

As the same Louise Hay writes, “I am not trying to fix the problem. I correct my thoughts. And then the problem corrects itself. ”

3. We set ourselves positive attitudes

We do this with the help of visualizations. Louise Hay's above phrase about self-love is one of the possible affirmations. Some complain that their affirmations do not work. “I repeat the same thing ten times a day, but nothing changes,” they say.

Louise Hay compares affirmations with a seed or a seed - it is not enough to plant it, it needs to be watered, it needs to be looked after. Having planted, for example, a tomato, we do not expect that tomorrow we will get the fruits? The same can be said about affirmations and visualizations - they stimulate us and do not let us forget about the goal, but in order for them to work, we must take real steps.

4. Meditate

For example: we relax, close our eyes and mentally transport ourselves to some wonderful place where we were once and where we felt good. We will feel it very clearly - sounds, smells. Then imagine a wizard-wanderer who tells us: “My dear, you are beautiful and unique. You have the right to your opinion; you may not know something or be mistaken. You can judge for yourself what is good and what is bad, and take responsibility when you wish. You have the right to decide what to do and when. You have the right to be who you are! You have come to this world, to this planet for your own sake! ”

The wizard smiles at us and says goodbye to us, and we take a breath, open our eyes and return to reality.

5. We do not save on ourselves

Remarque wrote that "A woman who saves on herself causes the man's only desire - to save on her."

Nothing enhances a woman’s self-esteem more than confidence that she is good and desirable. (Obviously, this is why some men are satisfied with an unassuming and undemanding wife, next to whom you can not strain yourself, without fear that she will leave or they will take her away.)

A gym, a swimming pool, a beauty salon, a SPA salon, etc. are not only external beauty, but also health, and above all mental.

Hello dear friends!

Have you ever encountered people with narcissism syndrome? Or maybe you yourself noticed such manifestations? Then today's article will be very useful for those individuals who are trying to overcome the inverse effect of the inferiority complex.

Overstated self-esteem is a categorical overestimation of one’s own strengths and potential. A person who possesses such a piquant sense of self has a distorted and too overestimated view of himself, which is expressed in behavior.

Are there any advantages to such a behavioral norm of self-expression? Yes, high self-esteem can act as an engine that stimulates inexhaustible, the development of self-esteem and strength.

But in fact, people in this category are experiencing strong dissatisfaction with both personal and professional qualities. As a rule, they have a difficult relationship with their opponents due to the fact that they cannot adequately perceive and give attention to other individuals.

Causes

Why it happens? The reason lies in the fact that a person who clearly expresses his merits often sins by unnecessarily embellishing his abilities.

They want to seem better than they really are, and this leads to the fact that the most base and arrogant side of their soul tears out in a distorted form.

People with high self-esteem love to praise their beloved, ascribing to themselves uncomplicated merits, which unfortunately are not confirmed. The presentation of their superpowers can sometimes reach an aggressive demeanor or even an obsessive one.

In addition, a person can literally and intentionally allow himself to speak out about the skills of other people in a negative way, focusing on the fact that he alone can speak about merits.

Such a demonstration of achievement is caused by the desire to assert oneself at the expense of others. The specimen is manically inclined to prove to the whole world that the truth is on his side and that he is the most-ever born. And at the same moment, he makes it very intelligible that the rest of the people are not good for soles! In a word - slaves!

How is the desire to prove superiority born?

Before thinking about how frightening the consequences may be, science psychology recommends that you deal with the cause of the syndrome " I am the best!».

The complex of "stars" or the Lord of Russia is most often formed in early childhood and most likely in a child who grows as the only child in the family. He has a sense of himself as the king of the atmosphere. Since he constantly has unlimited attention, free from competition between brother or sister.

This is because all the interests of the family are concentrated on his beloved. Adults with joy and immense tenderness perceive any actions of the baby, laying the idea of \u200b\u200ban unhealthy feature in the head. Growing up, such a person still seeks to find beliefs that the whole world revolves around him.

In truth, excessive self-confidence is the same, but on the other hand, and in profile. Not a small reason lies in too low self-esteem. And self-confidence in this case plays the role of a protective barrier and a bunker.

But there are other mechanisms that can trigger an attack. So:

children's fears, complexes or (a desire to prove to relatives and those around him that he is not an empty place);
working conditions: the only man in the team or employee who has succeeded in the effectiveness of his work (one-time, like a flash);
publicity, especially sudden;
propensity to fall under influence (we are talking about participation in the movement for increasing self-esteem, development, etc.)

How to recognize the symptoms?

Identifying the owner of an overestimated Ego is quite simple. This is because the manifestation of “ailment” is always typical and monotonous. People with high self-esteem are too much alike in their favorite narcissism.

If you hear phrases like: " i am the most successful», « only i can know it», « i'm smarter than everyone else", Etc., then be sure that in front of you is the" Narcissus ordinary. "

But in order to try to solve the problem of deliverance, you need to understand the signs of a cunning disease for further correction of behavior and worldview. So you can observe:

How to overcome self-confidence and return it to normal?

1. Situation analysis

Conduct a systematic analysis of failures and strive to identify the "perpetrators" of what happened. Every time the desire to blame someone else begins to outweigh, try to evaluate your own contribution to what happened.

2. Communications and communities

In relations with people it is worth sticking to the “golden mean”. This means that you should not ascribe a level of insignificance to yourself, but you also do not need to demonstrate jumping above the heads of others. Refuse criticism of colleagues, acquaintances and people you don’t know. Decrease the level of personal importance and try to hear the interlocutor.

Ask more questions, take an interest in their life, successes, and present yours as needed and appropriate. Learn to compliment and acknowledge failures. After all, we are all people, not machines.

3. Work on yourself

In order to assess your skills and abilities as objectively as possible, I recommend that you write out your advantages and areas for study on a piece of paper.

After analyzing your own pros and cons, carefully and with the help of critical thinking, study each item. It may happen that their significance will be exaggerated.

4. Meeting with a reflection of yourself

Carl Jung argued that the most important meeting in our lives is a meeting with ourselves. Until you openly and honestly look at yourself - the situation will not change. As a result, you will live days in a fictitious and illusory world, offending people.

A person with high self-esteem is most afraid of such a meeting. After all, to accomplish what was intended, you need a reserve of courage and determination. Perhaps the time has come to open our eyes to the inner world, and not to the external tinsel and opinions?

Be sure to subscribe to blog updates and recommend it to friends for reading. In the comments, advise other ways to get rid!

See you on the blog, bye-bye!

What is better than low or high self-esteem? Many beautiful ladies will answer that it is better to have high than low. Therefore, when they try to raise their self-esteem, an adequate assessment of themselves is often lost.

Some may argue, because ladies with a high opinion, better solve problems, make acquaintances and relationships, and, of course, know their own worth better. Unfortunately, all these advantages are available to women with an adequate understanding of themselves, while the rest of the fair sex develop negative character traits.

For example, people with high self-esteem can observe - selfishness, arrogance, narcissism, arrogance. And with low self-esteem you can see - cowardice, envy, resentment, jealousy.

How can one determine excessive self-esteem and the weaker sex? How to understand that a girl or woman overestimates herself and her importance?

There are many signs by which this can be determined. Here is some of them:

She always wants to be the first in everything.

Requests often sound like orders, and the word “please” is rarely used.

She constantly talks about herself, interrupts and teaches others how to live properly.

Mistakes are unacceptable in general, everything should be perfect, and as she wants.

Criticism is perceived hard and as a personal insult.

“I” sounds in speech very often.

All points of view, except their own, are wrong.

A pronounced, but sometimes hidden, egoism is manifested.

Failure is accompanied by irritability and depression.

She expresses her opinion always and everywhere, despite the fact that sometimes it is not appropriate.

There is constant competition with others for and without reason.

The words “sorry” and “sorry” are used very rarely.

All troubles are to blame for others or circumstances.

The last word is always hers.

Men are rarely attracted to selfish women, therefore, an overestimated opinion of oneself does not contribute to the creation of family life, nor does it always contribute to a career. The same can be said about low self-esteem.

Although there is a big difference between high and low self-esteem. With low girls and women more often want to change their attitude than with high. Since selfish people never want to change, considering themselves ideal.

It is unlikely that women with high self-esteem are calm and happy, because the fear of losing or making mistakes makes them live in tension and follow their every move. Having found signs of high self-esteem, it is worth taking up yourself and striving for an adequate assessment of yourself and the world around you.

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