After the loss of a loved one. How to survive the death of a loved one: recommendations of psychologists, stages of experiencing grief and features. How to accept the departure of a relative to another world

"The salvation of drowning - the work of the drowning themselves"

(From the novel by I. Ilf and E. Petrov “The Twelve Chairs”)

He died close. The funeral, commemoration took place ... And now the relatives and friends who supported and helped all this time are gradually returning to ordinary life, to their affairs. Attention and care for you on their part is becoming less ...

And you? You still bear the weight of loss, grieve, and do not understand how they can live on when such a misfortune happened. You are missing a loved one who has left you, and it seems that this terrible grief will never end, and a lack of attention and care exacerbate your experiences.

If you have already begun to ask yourself these questions, then you understand that you need to change something in your attitude to life with a loss that it is necessary to adapt in a new for you social and emotional situation of life loss.

And now the epigraph to this article is becoming relevant for you. In this context, this phrase does not mean that you should "pull yourself out of the water" - forget the dead, pretend that nothing happened. On the contrary, you should “learn to swim” and be able to take “precautions on water”, i.e. to do everything in order to survive his grief situation with the least bodily and emotional disturbances.

There are no universal recipes for this; each has his own, unique grief and his own, unique situation in the family and in society.

Nevertheless, I will try to give some advice that I hope will help at some points in this difficult life period.

Try to realize in which life aspects you have become most vulnerable - Is this a domestic sphere, emotional, perhaps professional? When you understand where “the largest hole has been punched”, it will be easier to close it. And, as a little child gradually learns to walk, try to gradually learn to independently receive what you used to receive with the help of the deceased.

It can be purely household skills. For example, a woman who has lost her spouse, who did everything at home, can learn to do something herself, or can find a household service that will help maintain home comfort at the usual level. A man who has lost his wife can study the instructions for household appliances (washing machine, modern smart stove, microwave) and ensure his former level of life. Someone will have to learn how to cook. Someone learn to make decisions. This is especially difficult if the deceased used to decide almost everything for you. Remember that you do not have to strive to make decisions instantly. Do not hesitate to consult with authoritative people in this matter, you may need the help of a specialist in this or that area. In the first time after the death of a loved one, try to generally postpone the solution of global issues (buying / selling real estate, moving, etc.) for some time.

More difficult with emotional breaches. The emotional sphere is the first thing that needs regulation.

Do not listen to those who advise "to be strong, hold on, take courage ...". Do not save tears. If you want to cry - cry, if you feel sadness - be sad. And do not feel guilty for this around your environment. Tears are a normal physiological response to pain, in this case to mental pain. Tears are an emotional discharge. After crying, a person may feel exhausted, broken and devastated, but it becomes easier for him. Remember that you have the right to express your feelings. And you do not need to make excuses to others. Only to small children should you explain that your emotions are caused not by their behavior, but by grief over the deceased. Adults, as a rule, understand this already. If you hold back tears, the child may try to copy your behavior without understanding its reasons, and subsequently will restrain any of its emotions. Just like yourself, let the child cry for the dead if he wants to. Comfort him, talk to him, help him live through these emotions.

Think with whom you can talk about the person who left you. If there is no such person in your environment, use the modern possibilities of psychological support - memoriam.ru site, helplines, psychological assistance services. The main thing is to talk. About loss, about loneliness, about feelings, about fears ... Do not be shy to seem like a weak person, grief for some time turns everyone into little helpless children. Speak of the dead with God. A memorial prayer is your real help to the soul of the departed.

But do not try to talk with the deceased, physically he is no longer there . Do not turn to occultism, do not listen to everyone who tries to tell you about superstitions, signs and other things. If you are a believer, you already know what happened. If you do not believe in God, then death is the end of physical existence for you, all the more there is no sense in performing superstitious rituals.

Helps many to mitigate acute emotions keeping a diary. Write about your thoughts, feelings, about your pain of loss. Make it a rule after a while to re-read what you wrote, and then try to analyze what has changed over this period of time? What feelings have become sharper, which, on the contrary, have gone? What have you learned? Such introspection will reveal to you your weaknesses and strengths. Rely in the future on what you are strong in, look for sources of support in those aspects where you are not confident in yourself.

Another way - write a letter to the deceased. Even if death was not sudden, there is always a lot of unspoken, unspoken. Write. This is necessary for you, not him. If you have not said something important, you have the opportunity to say it now. Use her. Do not be afraid to seem ridiculous because the letter has nowhere to send, you can just burn it. It is important that the letter will help you free yourself from the burden of disagreement that you carry by entrusting it with paper.

If you do not like to write, but emotions and memories overwhelm - try this method. Put near two cans. Make some small colorful balls and small pieces of paper. When you remember the good and the good dead, lower one ball into a jar. This will be the bank of your memory. If you recall some bleak case, resentment, quarrel - write on a piece of paper - what you remembered, literally one or two words, roll the piece in a ball and drop it into another jar. It will be a bank of your grievances. How long you will do this is up to you. When you understand that most of the warm and good memories are already “lying” in the memory bank - close it and put where you think is necessary. All the bright memories are now before your eyes. See how many of them. When there will be no new grievances, select a day (maybe it will be some date associated with the deceased) and burn paper balls - your grievances.

Deserves special consideration guilt before the dead. Do not allow yourself to cultivate this feeling, it acts destructively.

Another strong feeling that may accompany loss is fear. At night or day, alone or in a crowd, fear comes unexpectedly and literally paralyzes you. What to do in such a situation?

It is important to understand that your fear is not the fear of an adult in a real dangerous situation, but rather a “childish” reaction to the unknown surrounding you after the death of a loved one.

I suggest a little exercise to regain the "adult" state, stay "here and now" in reality.

When you feel fear, first look around, if there is really no immediate threat to your life and health, highlight 5 colors of objects that surround you. What color is the ceiling? Floor? Armchair? Curtains? Your clothes (Look at any objects, but you should not just “recognize” the color by brushing your eyes over it, but identify it, possibly name it out loud). If fear crept up at night, don’t think that the ceiling is white (it’s not your feeling of “here and now”, it’s knowledge), at night it looks gray, like all other things, so either turn on the light or distinguish the intensity of shades of gray in your surroundings things.

Now sounds. 5 sounds - a clock, a bird, a car outside the window, a television .... anything, but there should also be sounds 5. In the silence of the night it can be the sound of your breath, the sound of your heart, the rustling of the blanket, the wind in the leaves outside, the sound of water in the pipes ... Listen carefully, each sound must also be distinguished and named.

Then listen to the feeling of your own body. Where are your hands, warm or cold, dry or wet with sweat? The legs are the same. Nape and neck. Back. The abdomen and groin. Feel all these parts of your body. Attentively, slowly. Then look around again.

For visually impaired and hard of hearing people, the distinction between color or sound can be replaced by tactile sensations of objects. Touch what's next to you. Highlight 5 different sensations - carpet wool, cool furniture wood, soft upholstery, paper wallpapers ... Try to distinguish the subtle smells emitted by these objects.

Typically, this exercise returns a sense of reality with irrational fears.

Be natural in grief. Do not let others impose certain behaviors on you. At the same time, do not refuse the help of loved ones if it helps you. Trust your family and listen to yourself at the same time.

Be patient. No one can say how long you will experience the pain of loss. The mountain is like a surf - it will recede, then it will flood with renewed vigor. Particularly hard experienced holidays and family dates. For many years, the pain of loss can occur on the death of the deceased, on the anniversary of death, on New Year or Christmas. Do not hide from your feelings. Unleash your memories, order a requiem in the temple, pray at home, visit the cemetery. Even in a situation if one of the spouses has died, and the other has a new family - do not be shy about it. The deceased is part of your life. A person who loves you should understand and respect your feelings. This is not treason, this is a tribute to the memory.

Now a little about the physiological aspects of experiencing grief. Today everyone knows about the connection of the emotional and somatic (bodily) sides. A deep experience of grief can cause illnesses in the body. Grief is manifested in the appearance of a person. Grieving muscularly clamped, tense, can not relax. Such stress can cause sleep disturbance, which, in turn, leads to respiratory failure, pressure surges, heart disease. If you feel muscle tightness, ask someone to give you a massage (usually the collar zone suffers first), or consult a massage therapist. Perhaps someone will help rest to the sounds of nature. Be attentive to your state while listening, if instead of relaxing you feel that on the contrary, grief “rolls”, or sounds have evoked painful memories in you - stop listening immediately. If earlier you had experience in body relaxation, then you can return to it now, if not, it is better not to start without the help of a specialist.

Do not ignore the needs of your body. Try to follow your daily routine whenever possible. Do not skip meals, even if it’s not “climbing” - a small portion of food will help you support yourself. You need quite a bit, at least an apple, a glass of kefir or milk. Do not rush to the other extreme - do not jam the grief. If the attacks of hunger are unstoppable, try to understand - do you really want to eat, or just need solace in such a way as in childhood: "Don’t cry, keep the candy"? If so, the point is the lack of emotional support, look for it with relatives, friends, or specialists, and not overweight.

The second vital need to be met is need for sleep. Take a cool shower before going to bed, do not watch TV, try to relax in bed as much as possible. If it is not possible to establish a normal sleep on your own, consult a doctor for medical support. But remember that medications relieve your condition, but do not eliminate the cause. Therefore, you kind of “freeze” yourself in a state of grief, prolonging the period of grief. And of course, do not seek solace in alcohol.

Another important aspect is the pace of your life. It is possible that during the period of experiencing grief, you will not be able to perform all those functions that you could easily handle before. Nothing wrong. If there is an opportunity to transfer them to someone - do it. Allow yourself to reduce the load., remember that the stress you are experiencing negatively affects all areas of your life. Have more rest. Rate which rest is best for you - active or passive? Do not be afraid to show weakness and do not feel guilty for it when you can - you will return to the usual rhythm of life. Now just take care of yourself.

Time passes, and what seemed insurmountable yesterday is overcome. Emotions that are not allowed to breathe, weaken, replaced by others. The feeling of loss does not go away, you will always miss the dead person, just a sharp pain will be replaced by sadness and sad memories, and then these memories will become bright. So you have gone through the most difficult period.

Surviving grief does not mean forgetting. Surviving means learning to live fully after a loss.

Natalya Kaptsova

Reading time: 8 minutes

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The death of a person is always an unexpected event, especially when this happens to people close and dear to us. Such a loss is a deep shock to all of us. At the time of loss, a person begins to feel the loss of emotional connection, a deep sense of guilt and unfulfilled duty to the deceased. All these sensations are very depressing, and can cause severe depression. Therefore, today we will tell you how to survive the death of a loved one.

The death of a loved one: 7 stages of grief

Psychologists distinguish 7 stages of grief that all people who grieve over a deceased loved one experience it. Moreover, these stages do not alternate in any particular sequence - for each, this process takes place individually . And since understanding what is happening to you helps to cope with grief, we want to tell you about these stages.
7 stages of grief:

Negation.
"It is not true. Impossible. This could not happen to me. ” Fear is the main cause of denial. You are afraid of what happened, afraid of what will happen next. Your mind is trying to deny reality, you are trying to convince yourself that nothing has happened in your life and nothing has changed. Outwardly, a person in such a situation may look simply numb, or, on the contrary, fuss, actively engage in organizing a funeral, ringing relatives. But this does not mean that he easily experiences loss, he just did not fully realize it.
However, it should be remembered that a person who has fallen into a stupor should not be protected from the hassle associated with a funeral. Ordering funeral services and filling out all the necessary documents make you move, communicate with people, and thus help to get out of stupor.
There are cases when, in the stage of denial, a person ceases to perceive the world around him adequately. And although this reaction is short-lived, help get out of this state is still necessary about. To do this, you need to talk with a person, while constantly calling him by name, do not leave alone and try to distract a little . But it’s not worth consoling and reassuring, it still will not help.
The denial phase is not very long. During this period, a person prepares himself, as it were, for the departure of a loved one, realizes what happened to him. And as soon as a person consciously accepts what happened, he begins to move from this stage to the next.
Anger, resentment, rage.
These feelings of a person are fully captured, and projected onto the whole world. During this period, you have enough good people for him and everyone is doing everything wrong. Such a storm of emotions is caused by the feeling that everything around is a great injustice. The strength of this emotional storm depends on the person himself, and how often he spills them out.
Guilt.
A person increasingly recalls moments of communication with the deceased, and awareness comes - he paid little attention, he spoke very sharply there. The thought “Have I done everything to prevent this death” comes to my mind more and more often. There are times when guilt with a person remains even after he has gone through all stages of grief.
Depression.
This stage is most difficult for those people who hold all their emotions in themselves, without showing their feelings to others. In the meantime, they are draining the person from within, he is starting to lose hope that someday life will return to its normal course. Being in deep sorrow, the grieving does not want to be sympathized. He is in a gloomy state and does not contact with other people. Trying to suppress his feelings, a person does not release his negative energy, thus becoming even more miserable. After losing a dear person, depression can become a rather difficult life experience that will leave an imprint on all aspects of a person’s life.
Acceptance of the incident and relief of pain.
Over time, a person will go through all the previous stages of grief and, finally, reconcile to what happened. Now he can already take his life in his hands and direct it in the right direction. His condition will improve every day, and anger and depression will weaken.
Rebirth.
Although it is difficult to accept a world without a person you love, it is simply necessary to do so. During this period, a person becomes uncommunicative and silent, often mentally withdraws into himself. This stage is quite lengthy, it can last from several weeks to several years.
Creating a new life.
After going through all stages of grief, much changes in a person’s life, including himself. Very often in a similar situation, people try to make new friends, change their surroundings. Someone changes jobs, and someone resides.

"Where there is life - there is death"

ACCEPTANCE OF LOSS

Experiencing death of a loved one man deeply worries and the loss of parts of self. There are several reasons for this. The personality develops in relations with other people, and therefore, when a person dies, a part of his personality dies loved ones.

With the death of a loved one you have to say goodbye forever to a significant part of your life that was connected with it. It is painful to forever part with the hopes and plans for the future in which the one who died was.

The main feeling that a person experiences while experiencing death of a loved one - heavy woe. It can be so unbearable, especially in the first time after what happened, that the psyche blocks the perception of reality and denies what happened the loss of. Man lives without noticing loss: either he thinks close alive, or he thinks nothing terrible has happened: "Everyone will someday die." Shock, denial of what happened block incredible woebut they can help the unfortunate only at first. If he does not cry at the funeral, for 9, 40 days, automatically performing all funeral rituals, if he tries to fill his life with joy and pleasures, protecting himself from sadness and despair, this deathdestroy his life, filling it for many years apathy, a series of psychosomatic illnesses or depression.

Defend the psyche by negation of death can be no more than three days. At the funeral, it is necessary to cry for both men and women, as well as observe all the rituals - they help a lot to survive. the loss of.

The hardest part is accepting the fact of deathaccept that close no more and never will be. It is inhumanly painful and difficult. But only this acceptance gives hope for one’s own revival and further happy life without this beloved and dear person.

This is the most important stage in the experience. grief. IN psychologistand the whole process from the news of of death closeuntil the moment when you can live on without this person, having survived him death- called BURNING or WORK GRIB. He attaches great importance when working with a person who suffered a difficult loss.

From the moment when manlearned about death of a loved one, and until the moment when he finally accepted his the loss ofand ready to live without a departed person, the biggest help is the support of friends, relatives and others. The help of people is not a word of comfort, they will only harm here. The help of people is, first of all, the ability and desire to listen and talk about the dead. The task, so to speak, of a person who is experiencing loss of a loved one, do not hold back all your emotions and feelings, and also talk a lot about the deceased, remembering him and all the bright moments of his life with him. This is work Woeshe helps to survive the difficult the loss of. Crying, sobbing, it is better to whole body, laughter, scream help to throw out emotions. To splash them out is a necessity. The main ways of splashing out emotions and feelings: physical activity (walking, running), using voice (sobbing, screaming), art therapy. The home version of art therapy is as follows: put a sheet of whatman paper on the table, prepare paints (watercolor, gouache), a glass of water and two squirrel brushes (2 and 6 sizes). Focus briefly on your emotions and feelings (1-5 min.), Take a brush that you like, choose a paint that matches these feelings and draw, succumbing to an unconscious stream of emotions. Try to express your emotions and feelings on paper with paints. What is your picture? If you do not feel better, take on the next. You will achieve a very good result if you sob, shed tears or scream. But a variant of falling into a stupor is also possible. In this case, draw what you want, choosing colors for your current state. Next, analyze your drawing. Why did you draw this? So you get to your feelings and stir them up.

Despair, anger, rage, guilt, horror, fear, resentment, sadness - these emotions and feelings are natural in such a situation. If they are not splashed out, they will lead to somatic diseases, madness or of death.

Be sure to follow all funeral rituals. Rituals really help woefurther find yourself.

In the first hours, days, and months after loss It is not advisable to be alone. If you feel that there is no person nearby who can be trusted, or if you are too emotionally crowded from the inside, write a farewell letter to the deceased. In it you can talk about what is happening to you now, how you suffer, how you live it woeYou can ask for forgiveness if you feel guilty about the deceased. Then you can burn this letter and dispel it in a place where you both once felt good. To facilitate your state of mind, you can keep a diary. It is very important to keep this diary. Perhaps someday you can pass it on to a person in a similar situation, and your experience will help him a lot. © The author of the article you are reading, Khramchenko Nadezhda /

JUSTICE AND TIMELY

There are two important factors that play a role in making a fact. death of a loved one: fairness and timeliness in relation to death.
The existential tragedy of man is that he realizes that he will someday die, and all of him will die close. Death It is natural for old people to naturally bury their elderly parents, especially if they have been seriously ill for a long time. Such death experienced much easier than leaving a young person in the prime of life or a child. Where is justice here? All laws of life are violated and of death. And what if, by chance, the whole family dies? Accept such an unfair and untimely death extremely difficult. Closedeceased or deceased it is very difficult to put up with a sudden, unfair human deathwho did nothing wrong and had a whole life ahead of him.
Often only with the help of long work with psychologistoh man who has suffered a similar the loss ofmaybe survive woe and reborn to life.

Rebirth

When the soul suffered for of death, the mourning is completed, the time comes for the revival of his life. Death is an inevitable part of life, without of death life would be impossible. Going through despair, emptiness, rage, apathy, depression, experiencing the loss of, a person is faced with the need to find a new meaning in his life, learn to receive joy and pleasure. The departed appears in the memory in the form of a bright image, memories of him are sad, sometimes with humor, but without the previous excruciating pain and despair. It is time to get a taste of your own life. You well know what death. Understand that sooner or later you will die. It is necessary to realize the price of life, and to feel its fullness right now, not putting off for the future.
1. Go out of town, to nature alone. Immerse yourself in the beauty of the forest, lake, river, field. Contemplate, taste the smells, feel the roughness of the tree bark not as an outside observer, but as part of nature. Observe spiders, ants, birds, and the beast not from a person’s position as “Measures of all things,” but from a position of the same deathas all other animals, the same child of nature.
2. Actively get involved in life. Take care of what you have long dreamed of doing, but put off: dance, playing a musical instrument, botany, floristry, caring for animals and riding horses, sports, pottery, embroidery, travel, etc. This can be your hobby.
3. Do not refuse your friends and girlfriends when they are trying to pull you out somewhere. Communication, new relationships for you are now necessary and therapeutic. If you feel guilty about the deceased, write him a letter of repentance, make amends with good deeds to others. Until you forgive yourself– you can’t continue to live fully.
4. Help others, try to do good deeds and for little things (say hello in stores, often smile, give way to those in need of transport, help a poorly seeing person to navigate when choosing products in a store, etc.). Thinking about others, listening to those in need, extending a helping hand, you forget about yourself. Having become a volunteer, you can constantly feel your need for people that you live not in vain, like a drone burning your life. Think how many people need your help now!
5. Think in advance how you will spend anniversaries and memorable dates. Do not be left alone these days. Ask someone to be with you on such days, go to memorable places together and talk, talk, talk about your feelings, life, about this dead person.
6. Every day, open a new in the ordinary, go headlong into the work. There is nothing better for restoring mental strength with woethan creativity and all-consuming work. Hippotherapy will help you escape from pain and find something attractive in this world.
7. Plan your present and future. Dream. This is very difficult, because now your dreams will not be associated with a dear to you, but a dead person. But the task for your will is to discover new facets of life, from which you can enjoy and enjoy.
8. Rest, get enough sleep, make sure that there are no big stressful and psycho-emotional stresses. Take care of your health. Your rebirth also depends on the state of the nervous system and physical health. Try to look good and keep fit.
9. Remember that works of art serve in many ways to experience emotional upheaval. It is better if you spend your free evening or weekend not in a bar, but at an art exhibition, in a theater or at a conservatory. The movie provides a great way to respond to emotions. Watch a movie where the hero, albeit suffering, but still comes out of a difficult life situation. Soviet comedies also help to find spiritual stability and balance. Do not forget to listen to music and songs that evoke positive emotions in you.

HOW TO HELP A CHILD EXPERIENCE THE LOSS OF A CLOSE PERSON

When a child dies close person, relatives often face a dilemma: whether or not to tell the child that his dad or mother, grandparents are dead. Maybe it would be better to write a story about the sudden disappearance of a person who is significant for a child in order to protect him from experiences? Answer psychologistthe answer to this question is unequivocal: “It is necessary to inform the child that close died, and not cheat. " Each child has his own ideas about of death, sometimes they are extremely primitive, because the topic of deathoften banned, adults talk very little with children about this. If the child has questions about what is deathhow died closewhat will happen to him later, etc., it is necessary to answer each of them, but the information needs to be reported selectively, calmly, based on the age perception of the child. This information should be such as not to scare the child. For example, to tell you that a disaster happened, dad died, a car hit him, his soul flew off and met with God, dad’s soul will watch us and become your Guardian Angel, we will say goodbye to his body, there is no soul in him, thanks to which man lives. After the funeral, his body will dissolve into the earth and become part of the earth. We will never forget about him and will always look after his grave, put candles in the temple and pray for his peace, so that God will not forget about his soul.

At a child’s funeral, it’s best to take with him if he is over 5 years old.

It’s not scary if the child sees human grief and woeIs an adequate response to deathperson. For the development of the child, it is important that he is faced with adequate reactions. It is better if the child has the opportunity to attend not all funerals (funeral, farewell, burial, funerals), but partially at each of these stages with the opportunity to rest (it is better not to attend the funerals). The adult should always be near the child and support him, answering all questions that arise (selectively providing information). Give him the opportunity to cry, not reassuring, but accepting his grief.

Do not be shy about your feelings woewailing, tears and sobbing with a child. Much worse when people try to hide information about of deathdisguise their feelings and hypocrites. So, they not only do not save the child from experiences, but also generate numerous fears and anxieties in him. You can’t fool children, the child will still feel that something is wrong, that adults are deceiving him and hiding the truth, and then he will stop trusting people. Surely someone sooner or later will tell him what really happened. And then, it will already be a real, hard-to-survive blow. © The author of the article you are reading, Khramchenko Nadezhda /

Children do not have such a heavy perception of death like adults, for them life is endless. Death of a loved oneit is much easier for them to accept with the right behavior of adults than to feel that close person suddenly, for no reason disappeared and left him. The conclusions that the child will make for himself are: each means close person maybe like this and suddenly take and disappear, the world is unsafe, people cannot be trusted. Fears and anxieties, often unreasonable, will remain in his life for many years.

Write a farewell letter with the child to the deceased, let the child draw a drawing for him. Attach the drawing to the letter. Tell the child that each time he is sad, he can draw a drawing for the deceased. A selection of drawings, a toy can then be taken to the grave together.

In a situation of death children often become taciturn, go into themselves. Invite the child to draw, hook on a conversation. Be close, support, talk.

Human deathtakes with him a part of his personality close. Woe and the pain is so strong that they cannot be dealt with. The feeling that suffering will be endless. However live woe, not hiding from him, not drowning out the pain, not rushing things, it is necessary. Then there will be a chance for the revival of self and the perception of dear, beloved, closedying of man as a bright image in my memory.

In the life of every person, sooner or later this day comes - the day of death of a close, dear person. This loss is so strong that it leaves indelible scars on the soul. Our memory constantly returns to that day and brings even more suffering and pain. Tears pour in and out, life loses all meaning, the desire to do something disappears.

The greater the degree of proximity of the deceased and his influence on the life of the grieving, the more difficult it is to accept the loss. Dramatic changes in the usual way of life are coming, and every thing will serve as a reminder. Cope with your feelings alone is sometimes not within the power. Help in this case can be provided by relatives or a qualified psychologist, psychotherapist.

What determines the severity of experiences

All people react differently to the loss of loved ones. A large role in this is played by the nature of the relationship with the deceased. Normal living grief happens in those people who were in good relations with the deceased. The reaction to stress can be acute and painful, but after some time a person accepts the loss and begins to live on. But if the relationship was bad, accompanied by quarrels, resentment, understatement and misunderstanding, then the experience is much stronger. Every day it goes on growing slowly but surely.

The grieving person begins to twist their relationships in thoughts more and more often, trying to understand where he was wrong and why they did not manage to make peace. Over time, a persistent feeling of guilt, remorse for what has not been said and done can form.

The severity of experiences is affected by the age hierarchy. The younger you die, the stronger will be the feeling of grief and sorrow. We have been preparing for the death of grandparents and parents since childhood. I mean, over the years, we are beginning to understand more clearly that they are most likely to leave before us. Such is life, and we are easier to put up with it.

When death overtakes one of the spouses, the bitterness of loss is experienced more acutely. Firstly, they were close in soul and body, lived for many years side by side. Secondly, they could not imagine who would die earlier, because the age difference is insignificant. The biggest grief was and remains - the loss of children. In this case, the unspoken law of nature is violated, which says that those who were born earlier should be the first to leave. It is very difficult to come to terms with the fact that a child has died who still has to live and live.

The character of death plays an equally important role in experiencing loss, that is, it was sudden or expected. For a more calm, adequate acceptance of loss, emotional preparedness is important. It is formed due to the realization that the person will not be soon. This happens, for example, when a serious illness or old age catches up. Surely, each of us has words in reserve that we are not able to pronounce at the moment. They are usually put off for later. If you do not have time to pronounce them, then they will remain hanging on the soul with a heavy burden of understatement. This happens if loved ones leave suddenly. The effect of surprise is also superimposed with fear and fear.

The severity of experiences may be affected by the cause of death. The more unpredictable it is, the worse and more painful it is. A certain role in the experience is played by the previous experience of loss. Once in a while a person learns to cope better with his grief, he is familiar with this feeling and knows how to behave better.

Normal and pathological forms of grief

Feeling a sense of grief, depression, longing, sadness is as normal as feeling joy and happiness. The main thing is that depressing emotions are not too long, otherwise they will begin to destroy the human psyche.

Normally, the experience of losing a loved one lasts for about one year, which can be figuratively divided into several periods. The first period is the news of death. It lasts from several minutes to several days. At this time, a person may be in a state of numbness, shock. The mind does not want to believe in the death of a native. The second period can be called the search phase. Duration up to 3 to 4 weeks.

A man tries to find the departed in his memories, as before waiting for his arrival, news, call, in the crowd he looks for similar faces. The third period is associated with the greatest suffering and lasts up to 7 weeks. At this time, a person comes to the realization that everything is irrevocable. And finally, the fourth period is mourning and a gradual return to normal life. It lasts up to a year.

It is believed that during this time a person goes through the entire life cycle alone, without the deceased, learns to cope without him. After that, the departed takes a special place in the soul, and thoughts about him cease to be as sad and sad as before.

But sometimes the mourning process is disrupted and can only intensify over time. This can be indicated by experiences that lasted for many years, mental disorders, instability and restraint in relation to others. A person can lose weight or, conversely, dramatically gain weight.

In severe cases, a persistent craving for alcohol, thoughts of suicide may appear. In this situation, a person needs help, even if he believes otherwise. Support from relatives and friends is important.

A person requires increased attention during the period of experiencing loss. He needs to talk, to hear advice and words of support. Well, only the first period is sometimes delayed, for a long time a person is in a state of shock and cannot fully recognize and believe what happened. Therefore, he does not always go for frank conversations, closes himself, withdraws from everyone. He should be approached very delicately, do not immediately try to get into his soul. The main thing is to be more close to him.

If you have a personal experience of losses, then you can tell a person about it, how you coped with what you felt. This will help him understand that he is not alone in experiencing such strong emotions. A psychologist can also cope with the problem, a specialist knows well from which side to approach a person, from what words to start a conversation. It will help you find the strength to return to a full life.

You need to be strong and remember that there will always be one who is worth living for, with whom you want to rejoice, share your impressions and feelings.