Eight types of love. New Forms of Love Relationships: Polyamory Changing the Concept of Love

There are many types of love: to oneself, parents, children, homeland, favorite business, nature, the world, and so on, but the most exciting and desirable type of love is love between a man and a woman. But it can be different: from low to sublime.

People think, talk and write about love since ancient times! It seems that science already knows everything about her: her philosophy, physics, chemistry, sociology and psychology, but love still remains an elusive mystery.

A person is surrounded by love all his life, receives it and gives it away, seeks, finds, loses and comes to the realization that it is always with him, in his soul. You cannot tell what love is, you need to know it.

The child discovers the ability and learns to love, looking at parents and others. The older a person is, the richer his life experience, and the more he knows about love. Knowledge and experience help build harmonious relationships with loved ones.

Love – feeling, of which only cultural human. People who lived in prehistoric times did not know love, but the sexual instinct still pushed them into each other's arms, which allowed humanity to survive. Was it easier for a person without love? Perhaps! But whether he was completely human, not knowing the most beautiful, at the same time animal and spiritual feeling is a question. But when, then, was love born? When did it start?

Love – product of evolution, the result of the intellectual and social development of mankind. The cortex of the cerebral hemispheres is responsible for the higher feelings in humans. It is believed that it was the development of the human brain that gave rise to a highly developed intellect and higher feelings.

There is an interesting scientific hypothesis that the feeling of love appeared approximately five thousand years ago... Scientists associate the moment of birth of love with the appearance of the myth about the Egyptian goddess of fertility Isis, who was able to resurrect her husband, the god Osiris, with her tears. Since then, mortals began to worship her, asking to send them love.

People of different peoples who lived in distant antiquity (and are living today), at some point began to value love, look for a permanent partner, create families and worship gods and goddesses who personify love: Venus, Lada, Ishtar, Lakshmi, Freya and others. The myths and legends of all peoples living on earth are similar. Love is described in them as a desirable gift from the gods. The ancient Greeks, in particular, believed that love was sent down to people at the moment when the goddess of love Aphrodite came out of the sea foam and set foot on the earth.

Kinds of love

Ancient Greek philosophers, trying to learn the secret of love between a man and a woman, identified seven its types. This classification, the author of which is not known, is extremely relevant today.

Ludus

The most superficial and base love. It can be called a game, sports, competition, consumerism. The basis of such love is sex without obligation, when people meet for physical intimacy and nothing more. Such love is polygamous, the depth of feelings is replaced here by the number of sexual partners.

Relationships of this type begin easily, develop rapidly, end quickly without regrets and sadness. In love-ludus there is no place for attachment and responsibility, only the desire for pleasure.

Surprisingly, ludus is found in relations between legal and common-law spouses. This happens when a husband and wife agree that they will cheat on each other, and at the same time continue to live together, without offense. A ludus-type relationship can last for a long time, provided that both partners are satisfied with such a life.

Eros

Enthusiastic love and ardent passion. This type of love is also based on sexual desire, but partners are not indifferent to each other, on the contrary, there is a desire to be only with this person, get to know him closer and love him all his life.

It is about eros that most often they write novels, paint pictures and make films. This is always an interesting love story, it has delight, charm, inspiration, romance and passion.

Eros is a strong, vivid and deep feeling. There is a place here not only for sensuality and emotionality, but also for an interest in personality. This kind of love guides the mind, so the lover is "intoxicated" with love and often commits reckless acts for her sake.

It is romantic love, the love most often experienced by people in their youth, and the first stage of a long-term love relationship. But, as a rule, it does not last long: eros either fades away completely, or grows into another love. To maintain a relationship, love must be complemented by responsibility and commitment.

Mania

Mania is a mixture of ludus and eros, mad love, love-obsession. Mania is destructive, destructive, painful. Often such love is unrequited or serves as the basis for sadomasochism (psychological or sexual).

Such love becomes a personal drama for the lover, can lead to mental disorders and is itself, in fact, a disease. A man obsessed with mania does not sleep or eat, his thoughts and actions are directed towards the subject of adoration. His eternal "companions": jealousy, anxiety, self-doubt, dependence on a loved one.

The mania does not last long, but it manages to cause significant harm to the person. Often, such a love-drama happens to teenagers, it becomes the first unhappy love. With the problem of mania, do not hesitate to contact a psychologist.

Storge

This is love-friendship, loving people are partners for each other. Such love is filled with care, respect, tenderness, loyalty, equality, but there is a lack of passion in it.

Storge can arise on its own, grow out of friendship, or become an extension of eros. Storge love often arises between spouses who have been married for a single year.

This is a great type of partnership, but in order for love not to fade away, it needs to be “warmed up”: in addition to arranging life, taking care of children and work, you need to take time for romance.

Pragma

This is rational love, love "by psychological calculation." A pragmatic person is a realist by nature, he knows what kind of partner he needs, which one is suitable for the role of husband / wife. When such a person meets, the pragmatist builds harmonious relationships and most often they develop successfully.

Such love may seem boring and soulless, but it is not. There is a place for friendship, mutual understanding and affection in it, and passion can flare up later. If the calculation is done correctly, the couple will live comfortably together and the relationship will last for a long time.

Pragma will never push a person to a reckless act, will not make him suffer. It is good when in love you manage to maintain the ability to think sensibly, but in order for the relationship to become truly happy, partners must open up to each other, become close people.

Filia

High, spiritual and unconditional love. She is pure and unselfish. The ancient Greek philosopher Plato called this love ideal, therefore it is also called platonic love.

The appearance of the partner is not important, the soul is important, so Philia lives outside of time, circumstances and at any distance. A loving person gives his love to his beloved, does not demand anything in return, accepts by anyone, does not judge, understands and forgives. Filia is like love for a friend, a father and mother, a child.

Agape

This is a rare kind of love, when both partners develop together and grow spiritually, overcoming selfishness, becoming altruists. In such love there is a place for sacrifice, but not painful, but based on the ability to give in, negotiate and forgive mistakes.

Agape is a tender and at the same time passionate love. Partners support, care, respect each other, are loyal and devoted to love. Agape love is happy and harmonious, it allows each partner to develop as a person, to maintain a balance of mind and feelings, not to "burn out" and not "freeze" in a relationship.

Understanding what kind of love lives in the soul helps to avoid mistakes, find the cause of inner desires and impulses, find out what to do in order to keep the relationship as long as possible and predict whether they will be happy.

In total, 8 types of love are known: Storge, Filia, Mania, Eros, Analita, Agape, Pragma, Victoria

STORGE- corresponds to the aspect of Ethics of relations (BE). It is affectionate love that includes deep understanding and compassion. This feeling is inherent in the ability to compromise, benevolence and the ability to smooth out contradictions. This form of relationship is characterized by: solidarity with a partner in everything, condescension to shortcomings, striving for harmonious, stable, pleasant and relaxed relationships. This is the ideal form of love for family life, provided that the partner is empathetic. Excessive vulnerability of this feeling does not make him hardy under any circumstances. The attraction of the soul is of great importance and prevails over physical attraction. Storge was born in antiquity, developed during the Renaissance and has not lost its relevance in our time.

AGAPE- corresponds to the Intuition of Time (BI) aspect. This love is sacrificial and idealistic. It is based on tolerance. This is a rather persistent feeling with elements of fatalism. Its owner is capable of forgiving a lot and taking self-denial for granted. Refined and poetic, such love can exist for a long time away from the object of feelings, even without hope of reciprocity. In it there is a desire to protect their illusions from the destructive action of reality, therefore in such a relationship there is a tendency to self-deception. Despite her complex and contradictory nature, she more than other forms of love disposes of humility. Sometimes a person who has this form of love has to make radical decisions, for example, on his own initiative to part with a loved one. But the image of a loved one, even after separation, can be faithful for a long time. Spiritual attraction always prevails over physical. This type of love-humility became widespread with the emergence of Christianity, but it is still relevant in our time.

MANIA- corresponds to the Ethics of Emotions (EE) aspect. This is a prolonged emotional ecstasy, an obsession with love, an overestimation of its importance, which leads to strong emotional upheavals, reckless actions, and even dramas. This feeling is strong, possessive, demanding, longing for complete reciprocity, but also capable of many compromises. This love is very enduring, even when it is unrequited. Often capable of heroism and sacrifice, and even reckless devotion. She is full of contradictions, as she is very dependent on a changeable mood. Quarrels, sharp contrasts in behavior, even fleeting betrayals are frequent in her. It is the cause of unpredictable behavior and disregard for generally accepted norms of behavior. There is love-Mania since ancient times, but it was most widespread in the 20th century in Western Europe after the sexual revolution, whose adherents called for the liberation of feelings and the rejection of the cold bourgeois rationality. It has not lost its relevance in our pragmatic times, although it has become less dramatic.

BRANCH- corresponds to the aspect of the Intuition of Opportunities (CHI). This is a spiritual feeling, which is based on the kinship of souls, thoughts and interests - a kind of intellectual community. This feeling engenders a friendship with deep respect and understanding. It has a very selective character, unites like-minded people and stimulates the mutual development of abilities. This is the love of equal partners, it does not tolerate coercion and, moreover, diktat in anything. People who are characterized by this kind of love can remain faithful only to the chosen one who does not disappoint them. And without regret, they part with partners who have not lived up to expectations, alien in spirit and way of thinking. Such people are much more tolerant of sexual disharmony. This form of love developed during the Renaissance, but was sung by Plato and has since been called Platonic. In our time, it becomes more and more relevant for societies fed up with sexual permissiveness.

ANALIT- This is a form of love, which is characterized by the desire for a calm and rational relationship. This love is individually selective, with high demands of its bearer to the object of feelings and with a tendency to be disappointed in him if he did not meet any expectations. This exactingness is devoid of idealism, but often exceeds the real capabilities of people. This feeling is intellectual, with a tendency to reflect and analyze the behavior of a partner, without plunging into his spiritual world. Has an abstract generalizing character with a tendency to draw conclusions detached from the object of feelings; there are few emotions and sensations. Does not differ in compliance. Striving for a reasonable and harmonious combination of intellectual needs and physical desires, the owner of the Analita requires many concessions from the partner. It manifested itself most vividly in the 19th century and is well reflected in the philosophy of Freud, Nietzsche, Schopenhauer, etc. For many who have not met their ideal partner, this form of love turns into its complete denial. In our time of progressing gender equality (biarchy) is gradually losing its relevance and manifests itself less vividly, although it is still relevant. Since it did not have a definite name in the literature, the author proposed his own.

EROS -corresponds to the aspect of Sensory of sensations (BS). This is a passionate, domineering and sensual attraction to the object of love. The appearance and demeanor of a loved one are of great value. They evoke aesthetic feelings and admiration for external perfection, often exaggerated, - face, figure, gait. People who are dominated by this type of love strive for harmony of body and soul, therefore they are able to close their eyes to minor flaws. Having caught fire with love, they are capable of great dedication, they constantly improve their manners and ways of expressing feelings, as well as the shape of their body, the beauty of their clothes, the aesthetics of the environment. They readily adapt and adapt to their partner. They attach great importance to physical pleasures. Not finding the desired harmony, they are forever disappointed in the object of their feelings and part with it quite easily. This form of manifestation of feelings became widespread in ancient Greece, is most characteristic of developed societies and is still widely promoted by the media and various types of art.

PRAGMA- the Business Logic (BC) aspect corresponds. This is sober, pragmatic and reasonable love for spiritual or material reasons. Despite some selfishness, she is tuned in to a fair balance between "giving" and "receiving". It involves treating the object of your feelings with respect and a desire to understand it. She is natural and rational in manifesting her needs. It is characterized by a desire for mutual satisfaction of desires and interests, although personal interests in it are sometimes put above the interests of a partner. Habit strengthens it, over time, the object of feelings turns into a necessary property, carefully looked after. Described by Spinoza. It was most popular in the 18th century, although it existed in all historical eras. Has not lost its popularity in our time. Associated with it are unions, which are usually called marriages of convenience.

VICTORIA- the aspect of Volitional Sensing (CHS) corresponds. This is a type of erotic behavior that is more distant from intellectual and spiritual needs than others. He lacks depth and selectivity. It is based on a pleasant feeling of conquering the object of one's attraction. It's a kind of wrestling game. If the loser does not resist, interest in him quickly disappears.

Each sociotype (TIM of personality) corresponds to a pair of types of love - a combination

Filia and Analita ILE (Novator, Don Quixote)

Eros and Mania SEI (Mediator, Dumas)

Analita and Filiya LII (Analyst, Robespierre)

Mania and Eros ESE (Communicator, Hugo)

Mania and Agape EIE (Mentor, Hamlet)

Analita and Victoria LSI (Inspector, Maxim)

Agape and Mania IEI (Lyric, Yesenin)

Victoria and Analita SLE (Leader, Zhukov)

Victoria and Storge SEE (Politician, Napoleon)

Agape and Pragma OR (Critic, Balzac)

Pragma and Agape LIE (Experimenter, Jack)

Storge and Victoria ESI (Guardian, Dreiser)

Pragma and Eros LSE (Manager, Stirlitz)

Storge and Filiya EII (Humanist, Dostoevsky)

Filia and Storge IEE (Inspirer, Huxley)

Eros and Pragma SLI (Master, Gabin)

If you are able to correlate your understanding of YOUR FEELING of love with each of the 8 types of love described above and choose two of them that are most consistent with your character (manifestations of your feelings and emotions), then the combination of 2 types you have received will correspond to only one of 4 squares This way you:

1.determine 2 main features of your TIM

2. you immediately find yourself in "your" quadra.

For example. You have got a combination of 2 types: Mania (CHE) and Agape (BI). This means

1. the main features of your TIM are ethics - CHE and intuition - BI.

2. This combination is present only in the Beta quadra,

3. In the Beta quadra, 2 such sociotypes are EIE (Hamlet) and IEI (Yesenin). They are both ethics-intuitives.

If you chose Pragma (CH) and Eros (BS), you will get 2 sociotypes from the Delta quadra: LSE (Stirlitz) and SLI (Gabin).
It is much easier to decide among two ethics-intuitions or two logicians-sensing from one quadra, isn't it?

The combination of Filia and Storge leads to the Delta quadra: these are EII and IEE.
The combination of Victoria and Analita is in Gamma: SEE and ESI. Etc.

Correlate the received variants of TIMs with the one that you got before.
Does it look like it or not? You have the opportunity to correct the mistake in case of hitting previously not in your quadra - correct the TIM obtained earlier, focusing on your QUADRA and its values.

Take the TEST.

Specify by checking if YOUR OVERVALUES are indicated opposite the TIM you found in the TEST.

If you still have doubts or have any questions, you can contact the author of the site by phone 8-905-265-34-45 Irina Nikolaevna

Group VK "Nature of Talents"

Community Fasebook "School of Socionics" The Nature of Talents "

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If you know the sociotype (TIM) of your partner, you can determine how compatible your relationship is.

The most compatible combinations of relationship types:

1. Storge and Pragma.

2. Mania and Analita.

3. Agape and Victoria.

4. Filia and Eros.

For example, a very strong union among people who have the Storge and Pragma forms of love, since in these feelings a calm, harmonious life that strengthens relationships is highly valued.

Mania can do a lot to move her wearer, who wants to meet the especially high requirements of the personality with the Analita. He, in turn, balances with his sober rationality the impulsiveness in the feelings of the owner of Mania.

With domineering possessive Victoria, only a sacrificial feeling can get along - Agape, capable of obeying someone else's will.

As for the love of Eros, only the rich possibilities and imagination of the intellectual Filia can keep the interest of an ardent and demanding partner for a long time. It is a wonderful union of mind, soul and body.

Incompatible types of relationships include:

1. Storge and Analita.

Gentle, vulnerable Storge cannot stand aloof and spiritless, strict and demanding Analyta. And for Analita, Storge is too primitive, boring and even corny. It is difficult for them to find mutual understanding and harmony in feelings.

2. Mania and Pragma.

The cult of emotions is incompatible with practical calculation. Mania seems to Pragma restless and obsessive, while Pragma Mania seems cynical and boring.

3. Agape and Eros.

Melancholic Agape does not delight Eros. And Eros hurts Agape with his high demands. In addition, the owner of Eros does not need pity and humility, but only an equal partner, causing sensual delight.

4. Filia and Victoria.

This is the eternal conflict between the spiritual and the physical, between the pursuit of equality and submission, between practical interest and ignorance. They are not attracted to each other.

Combinations of relationship types with medium compatibility

(which, with a certain adjustment, can get along):

1. Storge and Victoria.

Tactful Storge makes compromises for the sake of maintaining harmony and strength of relations. She is patient and softens over time Victoria. Her ability to be flexible sometimes brings her closer to the Agape needed by Victoria.

2. Mania and Eros.

The cult of love unites them and makes emotions vivid at first. Over time, fatigue from an excess of feelings sets in, but Mania firmly holds Eros. Their connection usually turns out to be tempestuous, but interesting for both. True, the exact outcome here is not always predictable.

3. Agape and Pragma.

Idealistic sacrifice and sober calculation, despite some friction, converge on a mutual desire for constancy.

4. Filia and Analita.

This is a highly intellectual union in which both strive for excellence. True, Filia lacks sensuality, and Analyte lacks emotionality in relationships, but they find common interests that bring them together. They can part only because of ideological differences or intimate dissatisfaction.

Partners with an average degree of compatibility can not always adapt to each other, but, if this happens, they get along.

There is also such a combination of types of love with an average degree of compatibility, when partners mutually extinguish each other's feelings. In such cases, rapprochement either does not occur, or people soon lose their mutual interest and part.

True, in some cases, such couples adapt to each other under the pressure of external factors: children, property problems, etc. But they greatly annoy each other, and this is difficult to endure in the absence of love.

Redemption pairs:

1. Storge and Mania.

Tenderness and passion, with a mutual focus on the cult of love, at first make partners very attractive to each other. But it soon turns out that they understand love in different ways and this disappoints both.

2. Agape and Filia.

Sacrifice and equality in love are mutually exclusive. Problems with the expression of emotions and sexual initiative can extinguish both. Their interests are spiritual, but different. They are bored with each other, although superficial friendships can last for a long time.

3. Analita and Pragma.

Due to a sober approach to love, they may at first become interested in each other, agree on mutual respect, but they are rather cold with each other. The emotional side of love is not expressed. And besides, Pragma does not strive to become what the Analita wants to see her. As a result, mutual disappointment ensues.

4. Eros and Victoria.

The start can be stormy. But Eros, striving for harmony in feelings, does not accept the suppression of the personality, is disappointed in Victoria, and she, in turn, does not try to keep him. They are both very independent and break up easily.

The problem of human relations is complex and multifaceted. Of course, approaches based on understanding relationships on the emotional and sexual levels do not completely solve the whole problem of relationships, but they open the curtain for understanding this side of relationships. For a more complete understanding of the problem of purely personal relationships, we propose to take one more step into the realm of the intimate.

Ages of love in our lives

Forms of relationships corresponding to different age periods

Since everything is in everything and more is repeated in less (<эффект матрешки>), and the forms of relations also undergo a certain evolution over entire historical eras, as you have already seen by reading this article. Therefore, in a person's life, it is also possible to distinguish periods characteristic of one or another form of manifestation of feelings and relationships. They do not replace the forms of relationships that are typical for each character accent, but they have a certain influence on them. Let's see how this happens at different age periods:

1. Childhood. The physical level of development prevails. Introverted feelings are intensified, reflecting feelings of possessiveness towards parents and loved ones. The selfishness of young children is perceived naturally. Their domineering<Я так хочу>- the law for others. It is hard for a child to endure the indifference of those close to his needs, the loss of parents, physical punishment, the suppression of his will. This testifies to the strengthening of the shade of demanding and possessive love - Victoria.

2. Adolescence. The onset of physical maturity. Extraverted sensations caused by the pleasures received from the world around and other people come to the fore. First caresses, erotic pleasures, admiration for beauty in any of its manifestations. Many problems are associated with puberty and the possibilities of its satisfaction, as well as with the first sexual experience. All this enhances the form of love common to all at this age - Eros, associated with the sphere of sensations.

3. Youth. The joy of human communication, idealism and enthusiasm, freshness of the worldview, many emotions. Love and love again. In this age period, there are many emotional problems associated with the collapse of illusions, unrequited love, wounded pride. The ethical level of personality development prevails, the sphere of emotions associated with it and the type of emotional behavior - Mania.

4. Youth. The acquisition of strong friendships and business ties, the creation of a family, the birth of children. The role of family happiness, tender and devoted love is increasing. Most of all at this age, those who have<не складывается>personal life. Forms of relationships prevail over forms of emotions. The dominant form of relations is Storge.

5. The beginning of maturity. The role of professionalism and the ability to provide the material side of life is growing. Acute dissatisfaction at this age is experienced by those who could not achieve this at this stage of life. Business activity is actualized and, along with it, the type of emotional behavior - Pragma.

6. Maturity. After forty years, people want a stable and orderly life. Ethical and business problems are being replaced by social and family problems. This period is agonizing for those who<не состоялся>or has not received recognition and reliable status. A reassessment of values ​​is brewing - that is, a midlife crisis. The type of relationship associated with this analytical period of life - the Analyta - leaves an imprint on the behavior of people during this period of life.

7. The beginning of old age. The wisdom of life experience opens the intuitive period of a person's life, when, by light hints, the hidden essence of what is happening is established. The baggage of knowledge and experienced feelings facilitates the search for alternative possibilities in solving problems. This is the period between when<молодость знает>and<старость может>... Many family and health problems that grow over the years are being addressed. The hardest thing is for those who at this age are unable to resolve them. And also for those who do not have spiritually close friends and a life partner. Dominant at this age is the form of relationships based on spiritual closeness and community of interests - Filia.

8. Old age. The most sentimental and wisest period of life, when obedience to fate prevails, and<не волнует кто кого - он или я>... It brings joy to comprehend the beauty and harmony of the surrounding world. There is a feeling of sublime detachment and forgiveness. The past is idealized, the mysterious future worries. Religion brings comfort. Vanity and resentment are the enemies of spiritual harmony. The spiritual and, in a certain sense, philosophical form of relations - Agape - is strengthening.

Ideally harmonious could be considered a life in which at each age stage the corresponding emotional problems associated with age-related forms of relationships would be successfully solved. Since this is hardly possible, try to eliminate first of all those problems that are associated with the forms of emotions actualized at this stage of your life. This will make you feel more emotionally comfortable.

Literature:

1. A. Ovcharov, V. Meged "Characters and relationships", Armada-press, Moscow, 2002

2. V. Meged "Forms of love - ancient and new", j-l "Socionics, mentology and personality psychology, MIS, 4, 1996.

Psychologist, psychotherapist and psychoanalyst.

In my work with clients, I often and successfully use this classification - especially in family counseling. So thank you ancient Greeks! Here I am sharing. So let's go.

Mania

The ancient Greeks called this kind of love "madness from the gods." Love-mania is considered a punishment. This is love-obsession. She makes a man in love suffer. Write poetry. Not eating or sleeping. In the short term, it is acceptable in healthy relationships, especially in early adolescence.

If it is delayed, it speaks of a craving for unhealthy relationships, impoverishment of the personality and requires referral to a specialist. Especially if love-mania brings suffering and the object of passion. Then the "lover" strives to be with his beloved all the time, tries to control him, experiences insane passion and jealousy.

Also, the lover experiences mental pain, confusion, constant tension, uncertainty and anxiety. He is completely dependent on the object of adoration. The object, if okay, from such ardent love, begins, on the contrary, to avoid the person in love with him and makes attempts to break off the relationship, disappear from his life.

This kind of love is destructive. Fortunately, it is short-lived, with the exception of sadomasochistic relationships - which is not very healthy and heals. Just think that so much was glorified by poets and was considered almost the standard of love - it turned out to be a disease. Ironically. But human society was still not so delusional.

Ludus

This is love-sport, love-game, love-passion or competition. This love is based on sexual attraction, but without the desire to bestow. This is consumer love. That is, love is the opposite. Well, everyone has heard of pick-ups. Such people can keep lists of partners and count victories, or they simply uncontrollably find a partner for the evening - not really remembering what happened.

As you can imagine, men are more inclined towards this relationship - but there are no rules without exceptions. Feelings in Ludus are superficial, which means they cannot satisfy partners completely, they always lack something in a relationship, and then the search for other partners begins. In parallel, such sex addicts can maintain a relationship with their regular partner.

Agape

It is sacrificial, selfless, or unconditional love. The lover is ready for self-sacrifice in the name of the beloved. This love combines mercy, tenderness, reliability and devotion. This kind of love is known to all happy parents. And our children are perhaps the only ones who are worthy of such love, and even then - in early childhood. And when they grow up, it is better for parents to build such rules so that there are no casualties.

Agape finds expression in an incessant responsiveness and constant concern for other people. In partnerships, the line between Agape and masochistic addiction disappears and turns into equal. That is, it is not permissible. Why? The urge to give more than take is exhausting the giver. A healthy relationship involves fair exchange.

If Agape is required of you, explain that your partner is confusing something and you are not his parent. Agape can be found in the heart of a church minister who serves a high rank, in the heart of a religious fan, a member of a sect. Here she mixes with Mania.

All three types of relationships are based on a feeling of love - but are completely unsuitable for healthy partnerships. In addition, they bring suffering to one of the partners.

But what should we do? To cultivate other types of love in our hearts and learn to recognize them - at least potentially - in others. The following types of love are useful and pleasant for the soul and body, as well as for family life in general.

Eros

Enthusiastic, passionate love, based primarily on the attractiveness of a loved one, as well as on sexual attraction. What used to be called romance. And now - just a novel. This is love-the joy of having a partner, pleasure from his body. In this phase of love, the idealization of the beloved takes place. And then - they themselves understand that Eros is the beginning of all love relationships in the world.

It is believed that this phase of falling in love lasts an average of three years, plus or minus a year, but each couple has their own individual story. Happy are those couples whom Eros visits many times during their life together. In this phase, early hasty marriages take place, happy children are born who grow up in the love of their parents. But these same children can also destroy love-eros - after all, with their appearance it is time to move on to the next stage of love (see below), and not everyone is capable of this.

Filia

The Greeks considered it a kind of platonic love. This is love-friendship. But now it turned out that a good marriage cannot do without it either. Moreover, when Eros fades away, it is Filia who throws up the firewood that warms family love relationships. If you have Filia, it means you and your partner have a good time.

Sometimes you enjoy watching a movie or football together, playing cards, going on a hike or visiting with your children, listening to music or just talking until the morning. Plato extolled her as true love. They say about such a partner - we are very attached to each other. In such relationships, both friendly and family, equality and harmony often reign.

Storge

This mysterious word hides love for a relative. To a loved one. Such people have traveled a lot together. And they may not be delighted with their object - but they will tear for it. And they will give it all - if you need help. This is love for someone who is not chosen or has been chosen for a very long time. We all feel this type of love for our homeland. This is our love for our parents. And even a cousin from Kiev - if someone says a crooked word about her.

Pragma

This is the same kind of love. Romantics, infantiles and creative personalities are so afraid of this word - but completely in vain. After all, it is not her that keeps the main value of humanity - the family. It is rational love or love of convenience. But not that calculation, when a person manipulates another for his own benefit. And when he expects that he is a good partner in order to walk together through life. A good share of Pragma in a relationship enriches both partners. Because one is good at this, and the other is that. And when they are together - a couple or a family gets all-round enrichment.

I also call the comfort of being together Pragma. General views on life, the number and way of raising children, vacation plans. This is when people have common values. For example, we both love to eat well, buy a lot of food, talk about what to cook for dinner, invite guests. Or - we don't bother with this at all. How the absence of Pragma can get in the way, it becomes clear if you imagine that one loves to eat and cooks deliciously, while the other does not understand how time and money can be spent on this.

If such a partner tends to devalue the values ​​of another, he will begin to condemn and criticize the food lover. And he will feel misunderstood and unhappy. But if there is no Pragma - but there is mutual respect for the values ​​of the other - the relationship will survive that too.

So how do you choose a partner at the first stage? See if he loves anyone at all in his life. And how does he love? Is it active love - or just words. If a person does not love anyone in the world - but loves only you - most likely it is an addiction or symbiotic affection. And if he loves mom, dad, children, a cat, and finally - and takes good care of them - you are in safe and loving hands.

Each of us has his own idea of ​​love, but all the people of the world are in solidarity on one thing - this is the most wonderful feeling that a person can experience.

In fact, there are several subtypes of the feeling of love that are not very pleasant. If you are interested in knowing which of them your relationship belongs to, then you should read our article.

1. Empty love

This type of relationship is very easy to get into, but extremely difficult to get out of. Experiencing "empty" love, each of you feels as if some important link is missing in the relationship.

Do not flatter yourself, this important link is actually love! In empty relationships that only occasionally bring happiness and emotion, there is not a drop of love.

Breaking up with such a person can be very difficult - you can be bound by friendship, habit, or respect. But it is still necessary to do this.

2. Impulsive love

Such relationships live only on adrenaline. If you do not experience vivid sensations, impressions, acquaintances or travel, then you are incredibly bored with this person.

Perhaps both of you have already become addicted to the desire for a new adventure and it will be difficult for you to get rid of this lifestyle.

If you manage to cope with the thirst for eternal "feeding" with bright emotions, then you will get to know each other better and your relationship will become complete.

3. One-sided love

The most painful type is unrequited love, when your feelings and care are not appreciated. This state of affairs is frustrating and devastating at the same time.

Don't let this type of love take over you. Remember that by making a commitment to someone who doesn't need it, you may be missing out on the chance of true love.

4. Manipulative love

No less dangerous than the previous type. Because of such love, people forget about how to be themselves, and become more like an obedient toy.

How do you know that you are being manipulated? The main sign is if you often change your opinion in such a way that it agrees with your partner. This should be the main wake-up call for you.

5. Unbalanced love

Unbalanced love means that you have a role in your relationship — and most often the role of submissive.

If you feel like a child being pointed out by an adult, point it out to your partner immediately. If you do not do this, then you risk either completely breaking down under the weight of the opinion of your chosen one, or, in the end, exploding with discontent.

6. Platonic love

In simple words, this is the love that we have for people with whom we do not want to have sexual intercourse.

Our parents, other relatives and family members, friends and just lovely colleagues, classmates and sportsmates are all potential objects of platonic love.

7. Passionate love

Imagine a quiet field, on which a violent thunderstorm suddenly falls, with lightning, rain, thunder and hail - this is how passionate love comes, a favorite of romance novels and films.

As you might have guessed, passionate love is closely intertwined with sex, fueled by it and is the peak of the reunion of a man and a woman.

8. True love

You can write whole books about it, or just keep silent and enjoy. We will only say that this is full-fledged and harmonious love, the purest and brightest feeling that can be between a man and a woman who merge together in order to become a Family.

Eros - Ludus - Storge - Filia - Mania - Agape - Pragma

Eros... Enthusiastic, ardent love, based primarily on devotion and affection for a loved one, and then on sexual attraction. With such love, the lover sometimes begins to almost worship the beloved (oh). There is a desire to fully possess him. This is love - addiction. An idealization of a loved one occurs. But there always follows a period when "eyes open", and, accordingly, there is a disappointment in a loved one. This type of love is considered destructive for both partners. After the disappointment, love passes, and the search for a new partner begins.

Ludus... Love is sport, love is play and competition. This love is based on sexual attraction and is aimed exclusively at receiving pleasure, it is consumer love. In such a relationship, a person is determined to receive more than give something to his partner. Therefore, feelings are superficial, which means they cannot satisfy partners completely, they always lack something in a relationship, and then the search for other partners, other relationships begins. But in parallel, relations can be maintained with their permanent partner. Short-lived, lasts until the first signs of boredom appear, the partner ceases to be an interesting object.

Storge... Love is tenderness, love is friendship. With this type of love, partners are friends at the same time. Their love is based on warm friendships and partnerships. This type of love often occurs after years of friendship or after many years of marriage.

Filia... Platonic love, so named because at one time this particular type of love was ascended by Plato as true love. This love is based on spiritual attraction, with such love there is a complete acceptance of the beloved, respect and understanding. This is love for parents, children, best friends, a muse. Plato believed that this is the only kind of love that is true love. This is unconditional love. Selfless love. Love in its purest form. This is love for love's sake.

In addition, the ancient Greeks identified three more types of love, which are a combination of the main types:

Mania or as the ancient Greeks called this kind of love: "madness from the gods." This type of love is a combination of eros and ludus. Love - mania was and is considered a punishment. This love is an obsession. She makes a man in love suffer. And she also brings suffering to the object of the lover's passion. The lover strives to be with his beloved all the time, tries to control him, experiences insane passion and jealousy. Also, the lover experiences mental pain, confusion, constant tension, insecurity, anxiety. He is completely dependent on the object of adoration. The beloved, after a certain period of such ardent love on the part of the lover, begins to avoid him and makes attempts to break off relations, disappear from his life, protect himself from the obsessed with love. This type of love is destructive, it brings destruction to both the lover and the beloved. This kind of love cannot last long, except in sadomasochistic relationships.

Agape... This type of love is a combination of eros and storge. This is sacrificial, selfless love. The lover is ready for self-sacrifice in the name of love. In such love, there is a complete dedication to loved ones, complete acceptance and respect of loved ones. This love combines mercy, tenderness, reliability, devotion, passion. In such love, partners develop together, become better, get rid of selfishness, strive to give more than take something in a relationship. But it should be noted that this kind of love can also be found in friends, but in this case, there will be no sexual attraction, everything else remains. Also, such love is spoken of in Christianity - sacrificial love for one's neighbor. Persist for life. But it is very rare.

Pragma... This type of love is a combination of ludus and storge. It is rational, rational love or love of convenience. Such love arises not from the heart, but from the mind, that is, it is born not from feelings, but from a consciously made decision to love a particular person. And this decision is based on the arguments of reason. For example, "he loves me," "he cares about me," "he is reliable," etc. This kind of love is self-serving. But it can last a lifetime, and a couple with this kind of love may well be happy. Also, pragma can develop over time into another kind of love. (with)