How to get rid of self-image and depression. Engaged in self-flagellation and want to get rid of it. How psychology defines self-discipline

  Self-flagellation is a conscious and deliberate accusation by a person of self-committed misconduct, a self-critical attitude to his own personality and actions, turning into forms of inflicting moral and physical suffering on himself in order to reduce or wash away guilt and shame. It may not always have an adequate attitude and may arise in the process of attributing oneself to someone else's guilt or criticizing oneself for completely socially acceptable forms of behavior. The meaning of the word self-flagellation is comparable in a synonymous series with self-accusation, self-torture, self-criticism, self-criticism and other actions aimed at emphasizing the negative sides of a person and causing moral suffering under the guise of repentance or guilt.

Psychology explains self-flagellation as an attempt to cope with external conditions that do not satisfy the internal picture of the human world. This is one way to cope with intolerable feelings about your personality and its weak or unacceptable sides (often such behavior has its praise or encouragement from others, which are easier to obtain through self-abasement than through real actions and achievements). Lost competition, the discovery of stronger and more successful people in the infantile psyche is poorly tolerated and practically impossible to accept, this gives rise to similar behavior that helps to survive the fiasco, and the life principle looks like a choice of maximalist concepts where a person has no right to lose or weakness.

An idealistic perception of the world plunges people into despair at every failure or in the event of a turn of events not in the expected direction. there is always a great responsibility in its childish form when the real world is replaced by the illusory, and mega abilities are reckoned to themselves (just like children blame themselves for parental quarrels or accidents, with the same infantile and huge responsibility a person accuses himself of the slightest troubles or even accidental under any circumstances, in any not ideality).

Self-flagellation forces us to draw global conclusions that lead to the depreciation of ourselves completely due to a collision with a slight non-ideal (or even significant, but this is still not the whole personality). High demands and the inability to discern the beautiful in shortcomings does not allow one to get to know the present, to learn those things that are annoying in oneself and to accept oneself as a whole.

Reasons for self-flagellation

Psychology defines self-flagellation as hypercriticism in its own address, carried out for the purpose of gaining approval, support or justification for one's own actions. The mechanism is based on the fact that directed at yourself is perceived by others as sincere repentance and a tendency to improve, but the mistake is that ostentatious repentance is perceived as true. When a person doesn’t wring his hands picturesquely, doesn’t water himself with dirt, he acknowledges the fact of committing an offense, does not loudly draw conclusions and begins to correct the situation, while recognizing the positive features that help to cope with shortcomings.

The choice of such a way of manipulating one’s own world and social attitude can be formed in childhood, where there was no place for the formation of feelings of love and self-care. Under various traumatic conditions of development, mechanisms can be formed that give an understanding of love through pain (when the mother was affectionate only after complete defeat, or when the infliction of physical pain was explained by the benefit for the child himself and was committed “out of love”). The experience gained in the parental family shows a person how to handle him, and if parents arranged moral pressure or physical beatings, then in the future a person lives according to this model, treating himself and others in a similar way.

The meaning of the word self-flagellation also makes sense of inflicting physical suffering on oneself, as a way to get away from it by interrupting it physically or as an option of self-cleaning from infringements. In the first case, individual mental mechanisms work, helping to control feelings, the experience of which is frustrating for a person (when there is no experience how to cope with pain, guilt or despair, they overwhelm and become unbearable, and self-flagellation is always controlled by a person, therefore it is used as a destructive one , but still the method of living emotions). The second traces the influence of various religious and educational concepts that regard the body and caring for it as something shameful or that emphasize physical punishment, instead of accepting and explaining it. and lack of recognition leads to the idea that a person is not worthy of anything good. A feeling of lack of love and the right to receive it can lead to deep depressive disorders and a lack of understanding of the meaning of existence, for which self-punishment is caused.

The polar perception of the world, the infantile responsibility inherent in children and adolescents, as well as persisting in some as a characteristic of a person, do not allow the world to be accepted and, accordingly, in the form in which it exists. There is a need to conform to ideals or to destroy oneself completely, the inability to see half-tones and accept negative qualities leads to the destruction of our own personality, in forgetting that it is the flaws that make us unique, and the mistakes make up life experience.

Self-flagellation appears as protection against traumatic conditions and influences, being traumatic in itself. It illuminates the spotlight with flaws for others, but leaves the main thing hidden from the person himself and does not contribute to change. The main point when working with self-flagellation is the search for ways to react and control emotions with less destructive methods, as well as the development of a caring concept of life.

How to stop practicing self-flagellation?

When the disadvantages and pain of self-torture begin to outweigh the obtained secondary benefits, the moment comes to get rid of the self-flagellation strategy, but this process is more complicated than it might seem. After all, the temptation to act in a proven, albeit painful way is great.

In order not to slip away, it is worthwhile to separately analyze what destructive moments and negative consequences you have already received in your own life, thanks to self-flagellation (if it is not well fixed in, then make a list and periodically glance at it). Also imagine where such behavior will lead in a few decades, what you will gain (a nervous tic, the reputation of a mourner, cranky nerves), and what you will lose (the desire to develop, achievements, friends).

Excessive self-criticism and self-flagellation continue to reduce the already low self-esteem, destroying the personality. So your task is to continue to develop, to select classes in which there are visible results, so that you have something to praise yourself for, and not just scold. Every time you want to give up and start a song about the fact that everything is lost and you are not worthy of anything - do something aimed at (from stubbornness redo the report, improve your appearance, answer the Internet troll, go to a master class or photo shoot ) The world is full of places where you will be lowered, but just as full of places where you will be praised (any services from hairdressing salons to horse riding will add to your self-awareness of laudatory and wonderful words).

Another feature of self-flagellation is self-orientation, while the surrounding world is not noticed, it is easy for such people, but it is not interesting to communicate with them, because they are constantly focused on themselves.

How to get rid of self-flagellation? Turn your attention to the outside world - look at what is going on in it interesting (weather, events, passers-by), take an interest in what's new with friends (not for the purpose of comparing how everything is bad and nothing new, but to find out how they have it turned out), view the latest news and trends. In each of your attention to the external, look for inspiration and tips for development, by contacting people, you can get adequate feedback, and possibly opening yours, which you yourself could not see.

And do not forget to analyze the situation. Indeed, most often the critic sitting in our head has a very specific voice (dad, grandmother, educator, first love) and says this from past situations that ended, but left their scar in perception. In fact, if you were scolded for injustice in a kindergarten, and you continue to do this with yourself in adulthood, then you limit your possibilities, for example, in activities that require such boisterous energy, but it’s bad only for an old teacher who has pressure and who has long not in your life. Analyze and compare your own reactions with the situation, not relying on the first emotional automatic reaction. The first time you will have to control, get acquainted with yourself and choose self-care, instead of the usual infringement.

There are no ideals, try to take advantage and enjoy the shortcomings, turn them into advantages. It is not total mastered oneself that gives a person happiness, but the ability to accept oneself tired, imperfect, evil - then a lot of freedom is born and a place for joy appears, and not just for pain.

Oddly enough, many people have come across self-criticism and guilt. Some of them falsely suggest that these traits help a person to go forward, because they make one doubt themselves. The rest are aware that these sensations are destructive to the individual. It is very important to independently come to a clear understanding - “I do self-flagellation” - and begin to struggle with such a addiction. This article provides information on what this concept means, and.

From this article you will learn:

• What are the types of self-flagellation
• How to stop self-flagellation
• What actions will help stop self-flagellation
• What exercises will help stop self-flagellation

What makes a person engage in self-flagellation

What does this concept mean? First of all, the dependence, "eating" the life energy of a person. We can say that this is unreasonable internal self-torture. Only a rational view of one’s own actions, thoughts and feelings can give an individual the opportunity for self-development. In every person, from childhood it is necessary to cultivate the ability to competently analyze one’s feelings and decisions so that they subsequently do not interfere with the process of self-realization. However, sometimes people feel internal pressure, conflict, struggle. Thoughts do not fit in the head, and guilt increases every day, which leads to loss of efficiency, sleep, the appearance of constant fatigue. This is what it means to do self-flagellation.

There is a foundation for everything in our lives. Destructive forms of self-flagellation appear in a girl because of the following aspects:

1. Low self-esteem.  He does not like the individual: either externally, or internally, or all together. A person does not ask the question “why do I constantly engage in self-flagellation?”, Because he gets used to this phenomenon, for him it is in the order of things. Feelings of guilt and self-criticism do not know the end.
2. Improper upbringing.  When a person grows up in a family whose members engage in self-discipline on an ongoing basis, he takes over these qualities (in case his close ones are an example to follow). Such a child is engaged in self-flagellation unconsciously, from an early age.
3. Hypertrophied parent in personality structure  (transactional analysis of E. Bern). A more accessible explanation - this thesis is that in our society there are three types of self-determination:

• The ego state of the Parent that overshadows the position of the Adult.
• The ego state of the Child, containing all the motives and dreams of man.
• The ego state of an Adult, which is focused on the perception of current reality and on obtaining objective information.

In a good way, these three types exist equally in the same person. When the question “why am I self-flagellating” arises, one should realize that such reactions are a consequence of the predominance of the ego state of the Parent over the other two ego states. As a rule, people experience guilty feelings and constant remorse unreasonably, not paying attention to rational conclusions from situations.

1. Pessimistic view of the world.
2. The desire to relieve oneself of responsibility.
3. Just a habit.  The individual seeks to eradicate this phenomenon, but it turns into dependence.

Self-flagellation

Psychologists divide the level of self-flagellation in a person into three levels:

1. Soft.The individual criticizes himself, one might say, to the public, trying to cause compassion among his surroundings, while not doing any harm to his own condition. That is, satisfies the need for attention. The root of such manifestations is irresponsibility, the desire to distance oneself from environmental problems, the fear of the need to make a decision, to take action.
2. Tough.  The individual criticizes himself because of an overabundance of the feeling of responsibility for something or someone. As a rule, a person does not make it publicly visible, which, unfortunately, is the worst for himself. There is a process of psychological self-destruction.
3. Neurotic.  The individual is not able to stop practicing self-flagellation, since it plays the role of dependence in his life. Here a person does not need a foundation - this is an unconscious process.

What can constant self-flagellation lead to?

There are many outcomes of such destructive thinking and behavior:

• Self-eating excludes feelings of joy, delight, happiness, therefore the individual is in endless sadness and anxiety.
• It takes vitality, energy, the ability to rest and relax.
• There is a feeling of hopelessness and weakness, which interferes with the process of self-realization.
• Excludes rationality of thoughts and actions of the person.
• The individual does not pay due attention to himself in a positive aspect, ceases to consider himself worthy of what he aspired to.
• A psychologically unstable individual quickly falls into the “paws” of toxic people who are looking for a purely profit.

This is what it means to do self-flagellation. It is to live with the described consequences and drive yourself into a corner.

How to stop self-flagellation

First you need to understand the fact that existing in our society standards and templates are just contrived normsactions of any person. That is why it is so important not to focus on the positions of society (certainly, within rational limits, since no one has yet canceled the law, subordination and other factors of interaction with society). As for appearance, tastes in art, individual habits - one should not rely on public opinion here. How to stop practicing self-flagellation? Take care of yourself without fear of judgment.

The right to be an individual must be recognized., independent of environmental trends, to become special, first of all, for himself, to value his own character traits. It is very important to “make friends” with your true “I”, not to tear it away for the slightest flaws, be able to learn from your mistakes, draw conclusions, analyze your personality. If any qualities do not suit their owner in any way, they should be worked on, long and hard. How to stop practicing self-flagellation? Stop running away from yourself and life's difficulties.
  A person, as a rule, painfully reacts to the sometimes cruel and unconscious statements of other people in his environment, which relate to his appearance or actions. This is because the individual criticizes himself for these things. Aggressive behavior, resentment, anger - this is the response of the psychology of a particular person to "hurt the living." It’s worth working on similar issues. When a person does not oppose himself and accepts himself as he is, no one can provoke a similar reaction in him, since this person has no internal conflict and dependence on the opinions of others. How to stop practicing self-flagellation? To find harmony within yourself.

But not self-confusion must be confused with honesty about oneself, as well as the ability to fairly evaluate their own shortcomings, punctures and actions, when such actions can lead to competent work on yourself, which will help to avoid incorrect decisions in the future. People engaged in self-flagellation only allow themselves from within, deprive themselves of the opportunity to develop in the right direction.

4 sequential steps to stop self-flagellation

1. Pay attention to criticism.

It is important to listen to your "I", which acts as a Parent (in the theory of transactional analysis). It is necessary to understand that this is part of the personality in order to further work on oneself. People always maintain communication with their "I", so there is no place for conflict. Denial of a problem is the first sign of its existence. Sometimes it is necessary to suspend the flow of thoughts, free the mind and pay close attention to your own feelings in order to identify destructive emotions and feelings in time. An important factor are human reactions. Unreasonable aggression (usually passive), thoughts about your insignificance, anger, constant stress - these are signals of an excess of self-criticism. In this case, you should think: “Why am I doing self-flagellation?”

You can practice the following option - an exercise, the essence of which is to write down all the moments of self-discipline in a diary (electronic or paper - it does not matter). It is necessary to note any manifestation of self-flagellation and enter the reason for such thoughts in the diary. Suppose: I forgot to talk with a close friend, a conflict at work, spilled coffee on a shirt and so on. It is worth clarifying how self-expression was expressed: I could not cope with my emotions, I feel guilty for what happened, it turned out nobody needed and the like. When everything is sorted out on shelves, it is easier to deal with the problem. How to stop practicing self-flagellation? Recognize the presence of an internal critic and start working on yourself.

1. Keep criticism away from you.

This personality trait does not want to be noticed at all. It progresses and takes root if a person falsely considers it an element of his own personality. People do not always understand that self-righteousness is a phenomenon caused by the individual’s environment (childish insults, mockery, bullying by society, misunderstanding in the family, inconsistency with stereotypes existing in society, and so on). How to stop practicing self-flagellation? Separating an internal critic from himself (that is, perceiving him as an independent trait) is a good opportunity to say goodbye to him. It is best to give him a name as he pleases. The main thing is that this method can help overcome dependence on it.

1. Respond to criticism.

It is necessary to conduct a dialogue with this destructive part of your personality in order to know how to triumph over it. It is impossible to deny or try to drown her, it is important to let her know, "who is the boss in the house." It is best to mentally drive away the internal critic, to prove to him that all his attempts to “capture” the thought process are futile. How to stop practicing self-flagellation? To realize the falsity of such an inner voice and try to devote more time to your present, to love yourself.

1. Replace criticism.

To overcome this destructive part of your personality, you need to acquire, let's say, an internal assistant. It is important to cultivate positive thoughts in yourself, which will become a support and support in difficult situations. Why focus on the bad moments when you can find a lot of positive in yourself. Of course, this is much more complicated, but it is certainly worth it.

It is important to accustom yourself to rebuild your own thoughts, recognize the problem and move towards its solution, trying to praise yourself for good deeds. If the voice is trying to impress a person with something negative, a person always has the opportunity to challenge this thesis, to prove his falsity, to be higher than these humiliations. For example: "yes, here I was mistaken, but I can learn a lesson from this and next time do it differently, because I already did something similar before with brilliant success, I'm still well done." A negative voice does not tolerate its own mistakes. If a person succeeds in “crushing” him with arguments in his defense, he will begin to shut up until he completely disappears.

3 practical exercises to help stop self-flagellation

1. Technique "artificial mental flow."

A great option to rebuild your own thought process in a positive way is to engage in dialogue with your inner self. Contrary to the opinion of some people, this does not mean that a person has lost his mind. You can and should talk to yourself, even out loud. First you should ask yourself: “Why do I constantly engage in self-discipline and self-flagellation?”. Then it is important to analyze the arguments and realize the destructive influence of endless self-criticism on your thoughts, actions, feelings and on your life.

Each person who is able to communicate with himself and others can always restructure his own thoughts. It is worth noting that self-leadership is a negative conversation with one's inner “I”, so the main thing is to replace the essence of the dialogue, directing it in a positive direction. As a rule, at first it is very unpleasant to force yourself to think only about the good. Nothing wrong. It is hard to get out of your comfort zone when the habit completely embraces the mind. You should try to work on yourself for 21 daysso that a new habit replaces an old one and it is easier to move forward.

1. Write at least 10 points about what you got negative from self-flagellation.

It is necessary to form ten argumentative theses that will describe the near and distant future of a person who has not eradicated self-primacy in himself. Then, in contrast to these theses, it is necessary to describe the same thing, only with the condition that a person copes with this problem. The result should be twenty statements of why it is so important to stop practicing self-flagellation and learn to value, protect and praise yourself, to find inner harmony and peace of mind.

1. Training "Three questions".

These questions need to be stated to yourself in order, recorded in a diary. Answers are best arranged in three columns. Actually, the interrogative sentences themselves:

What happened to my inner world? It is necessary to describe in detail the reasons for the occurrence of an overabundance of self-criticism (perhaps they appeared in childhood, or after any psychological trauma).

How could you behave then? It is necessary to imagine how what has changed under the influence of decisions made, behaviors, feelings and the like.

What can I do now or next time? It is important to try to correct the error.

These three questions can help a person rebuild a negative reaction into a positive one.

Thank you for reading this article to the end.

Hi, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relations and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy halves, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of a divorce.

More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.

My goal is to show women this way of developing relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!

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Self-flagellation, self-criticism of the personality and self-righteousness are self-blaming for any failures that have occurred in life; religion condemns this, and psychology explains how best to get rid of it. Still, this is a very low self-esteem and uncertainty in their own success in life. These two words with different roots, however, in psychology their meaning is the same. The concept of self-flagellation has a religious origin: once upon a time, some believers, for perfect sin, beat themselves with a whip. Psychology explains how exactly to stop self-flagellation to any person prone to this action.

A synonym for these two words (self-flagellation and self-righteousness) is really self-criticism. This is a psychological concept. In the modern world, the person who is intensifying it is simply creating the impression of being too demanding on himself (for outsiders). But this is only someone else's view, but in reality everything is much more serious. A certain condemnation of one’s actions is characteristic of everyone, but there are persons who are excessively self-critical. They constantly rebuke themselves in their failures, try to please everyone. When nothing good comes of this, they blame themselves. In general - a vicious circle.

Self-criticism of personality, self-discipline and self-flagellation

What does it mean to be self-critical? This is when a person is not inclined to boast of success, and with the slightest mistake, blames all the blame on his personality. It will be quite difficult for such a person in society, because the results are often associated with the work of the entire team, and not of one person. Many are interested in the answer to the question:

Self-eating, self-criticism of personality and self-flagellation: is it good or bad?

People approve of this trait, they tend to consider it the best incentive for success, and even a component in raising children. That's because they don’t know about her bad qualities. It is one thing when a self-critical person sees his shortcomings, laughs at them, tries to fix them, but does not get hung up too much, and another - if, due to some act or his own shortage, a person cannot sleep at night, loses his appetite, is in a bad mood all the time and even thinking about suicide.
  It is necessary to engage in self-criticism in moderation. If its manifestations are always and everywhere pursued, it is urgently necessary to fight it. Failures with different frequencies are visited by absolutely all people and this is normal. But some do not think so. The psychology of self-discipline is such that thoughts of one’s unfulfillment and worthlessness torment a person precisely when he is left alone. At these moments, with the help of negative thoughts, people undermine their mental and physical health.
  Often, self-flagellation becomes the cause of some diseases. Indeed, during bad thoughts there is an increased load on the brain and heart. This is where the headaches, stroke, myocardial infarction come from. The medical list of causes of heart disease often includes stress, it is possible that this is self-flagellation.
  What is bad - a person who practices self-discipline usually does not know how to stop doing this. In the worst case, she doesn’t want to, because she does not notice anything but her thoughts, or is already used to living like that. For example, in a mother, a child was admitted to the hospital because she overlooked him. Naturally, a woman cannot recover for a long time. Thoughts about his guilt and, almost participation in this situation, do not leave her. At such a moment, it is important to understand: from the fact that she will reproach herself, nothing will change. It is better to devote time spent on self-treatment to treatment and care for the child.

Self-criticism of personality, self-criticism and self-flagellation: reasons

The causes of self-flagellation have a different origin. These can be ordinary complexes about appearance, which later became an obsession. For example, a woman is unhappy with the size of her breast, and wants to enlarge it. Any compliment to a busty girlfriend, or even a comment on a photo, can not only spoil the mood for the whole day, but also become an occasion for unpleasant thoughts. Many will object: this is not self-indulgence, but the usual complex because of appearance plus jealousy. And so it is, but not quite. The fact is that a person engaged in self-flagellation is inclined to blame even his external flaws for all failures.

Self-criticism of personality, self-criticism and self-flagellation: examples

1. So, for example, the girl described above, with small breasts, does not have a good career and salary. And, being alone with herself, she begins to think: if I had a fourth-size breast, I would work as a model (actress, singer) or successfully get married, did not count every penny, did not suffer from jealousy. Then, she blames herself for some reason that she did not find money for an operation to increase this part of the body.
  2. An equally common cause is envy. This point of view also comes up against the following objections:
  An envious person hates another, more successful, but not himself. After all, it is extremely unpleasant for him to watch how every month a neighbor buys a car more and more prestigious and more expensive, while he (or she) cannot even repair the old nine. But hatred of a neighbor is not always, for example, an excessively self-critical person, this will be taken as evidence of his helplessness. He will think: “here’s a smart neighbor, but I’m not very” and find in himself other reasons for his failures.
  3. Loneliness also plays a significant role in the development of this habit. If a person does not have friends and family, and with them affairs that can be distracted, then being left alone is a sin not to think about why everything is so bad and who caused it.
  4. The cause of self-flagellation does not have to be external and mental disabilities. It can be an unpleasant fatal accident (the situation did not depend on anyone). So, for example, the beloved and well-brought up son went to prison and now, the mother does not sleep at night wailing everything:
  “Where did I miss him?”
  - What did he miss?
  “What have I done wrong?”
  - I once hit him for a mistake, maybe for this reason he became so?
5. The main reason for the development of self-sufficiency may be “good” friends or relatives. Among them there are lovers, all the time to impress upon a person that he is stupid, ugly, unlucky in business, etc. Some constantly make fun of them, others dissuade them from this or that idea and the person begins to believe in their words and really becomes what they say about him while blaming himself.

Self-criticism of personality, self-criticism and self-flagellation: symptoms

A man earns himself diseases, constantly tries to punish himself for something, and inexorably destroys his life. Some say so:
  - So I need for the fact that I am such and such!
  - I will starve, because I was left without money through my own fault.
  “So I need it so that I am not so gullible.”
  If a person is excessively self-critical, imperceptibly for himself ceases to enjoy life. For instance:
  - It doesn’t suit me, as a big priest, a small one, a chest, a short neck, etc.
  - I will not get to know this girl, as it is not good enough for her.
  “I won’t let anyone read the book that I wrote, because it is terrible and will become an occasion for ridicule.”
  - I will not meet with anyone and get acquainted until I lose weight.
  Of course, such people do not notice how they engage in self-discipline and learn about it only from relatives or on similar sites. So, the symptoms are that a person is Samoyed:
   Complexes;
   Self-hatred;
   Comparing yourself to someone in success;
   Depression over how and why I am unhappy;
   Dissatisfaction, and sometimes even hatred, of one’s way of life;
   Loss of appetite;
   Increased appetite;
   Insomnia;
   A constant desire to change everything, while the absence of any action due to the opinion that nothing will work out;
   I do not like my appearance, the eternal search for flaws;
   My favorite thing is to sit in the evenings over tea and remember all the failures from my life.
  It must also be said that the self-esteem of women and men is different. The former often suffer from their appearance and are prone to tantrums about this, while the latter never like the position in which they are. So, for example, a man who lives with his mother thinks:
  “How unhappy I am: I cannot even afford to buy an apartment to move out.”
  A man living alone thinks that nobody needs him, married - that he is henpecked.

Self-criticism of personality, self-criticism and self-flagellation: results

At first glance, there is nothing wrong with this character trait. People encourage her. Indeed, the lack of self-criticism is unpleasant, especially for others. Engaging in self-discipline is the same as pleasing everyone in a row. Firstly: this is impossible, and secondly - this trait has many side effects, namely:
   Positive emotions leave a person, and he is in a state of depression, he is inclined to vent anger on others (since he already has more than enough on himself). An excessively self-critical person also becomes pessimistic, constantly aching, which causes hostility among others.
   Such people cannot be healthy, because they do not sleep and lose their appetite, and this causes various health problems.
   They imperceptibly try to impose this unpleasant quality on others, for example: if it doesn’t work out for me, then it won’t work out for you either.
   In focusing on failures, a person completely forgets about his abilities and ceases to develop and demonstrate them.
   It is difficult to solve the problems that have arisen, for those who constantly blame themselves for something.
   He focuses on his shortcomings and others really begin to notice them.
   A person who has a strong sense of guilt easily becomes a victim of a manipulator, and he, in turn, constantly uses it.
  To avoid all of the above troubles, you need to once and for all end this bad habit.

Self-criticism, self-criticism and self-flagellation: how to get rid

Before answering the question: how to stop practicing self-flagellation and how not to engage in self-discipline, you need to understand the reason why this habit appeared in your life. If it has become: a friend, husband, family should seriously talk with them on this topic. When all attempts are in vain, it is advisable to limit communication with such people. You do not need to abandon critical relatives, but you can live separately or less often see each other.
  If the plan did not work out, you should look for another way to achieve success. And in order to tune in the right way, it is advisable to avoid excuses and practical advice from friends. There are two ways out: either not tell anyone anything, or firmly insist on your position. After all, an adult can do what he wants within the framework of the Criminal Code. So is it possible that someone with their excuses and criticisms can influence his decision?
But how to stop practicing self-discipline if it is directly related to complexes and personalities that exacerbate them (at work, strangers)? Very simple. You must learn to fight back the same method, while the view should remain unperturbed. For example: Having heard a joke about a small breast or a thick pope in your address, you can answer with no less sophisticated teasing. The reason may be: a gross speech or spelling mistake in the words, the wit of the wit, the topic of jokes and even the appearance of the offender. It is important for Samoyeds to remember that there are no ideal people and everyone has flaws.
  Looking in the mirror, you need to look for advantages, not disadvantages, to love your body (face) and remember that not everyone likes modern beauty ideals. You can conduct training in front of the mirror as in the old famous film: "I am the most charming and attractive."
  It is very important to seek out not only the advantages of appearance. It is advisable to focus on the inner world, because it has long been proven that beauty is only an addition to the mind, charm and sense of humor. People with all these qualities often feel fine even without a fourth-size chest, huge blue eyes, and legs from the ears. But a beautiful appearance, crazy - something funny and pitiful.
  Communication with friends (not with those that develop complexes) helps a lot.
  It is necessary to take on those things that are within our power. For example: you do not need to mortgage all the property in favor of any business. It is better to spend only part of it on courses or learning a new business, and this will allow you to earn more in the future. Before making an important decision, you must definitely consider the pros and cons.
  If failure has occurred, do not give up. Here, many will think: “It is easy to say, but how to get rid if there is no one else to blame for the loss of property (for example)? Even from this situation, one should look for a way out; there is no time to reproach yourself. Friends, relatives, help from the state.
  Enough selfish advice, but more than one person is often involved in the committed acts, and therefore there will be nothing to worry if the share of guilt in justice is assigned to an accomplice.
  As for inaction or mistakes in fatal incidents and as a result of an endless sense of guilt, you need to treat what happened as a life lesson. Just sit down and ask yourself:
  - What was needed for what happened?
  - What mistakes have I made?
  “What is the use of all this?”
In general, the essence is optimism. Everywhere it is necessary to look not for negative but for positive sides, and then success will not be long in coming.