He left but I know with all my heart. So aunt writes about a departed love

Silva Barunakovna Kaputikyan (1919-2006) - the largest Armenian poetess of the XX century.
   Silva Barunakovna Kaputikyan was born on January 5, 1919 in Yerevan. Silva's father died of cholera three months before the birth of his daughter. Mother had to work to support her family, and the girl was raised by her grandmother, a simple kind Armenian woman.
   Since childhood, Silva wrote poetry, began to print in pioneer newspapers. And when she grew up, her poems began to be published in literary magazines. Her first collection was published in 1945, it included poems about love, about war and about her son.
   Silva was invited to Moscow to participate in the First All-Union Conference of Young Writers. Since that time, Moscow has become her second home
  Silva Kaputikyan for her long life (she lived 87 years) received many awards and titles, including the Honored Worker of Culture of the Armenian SSR, the Honored Worker of Culture of the Georgian SSR, the Order of "Holy Mesrop Mashtots", "Princess Olga".
   The verses of Silva Kaputikyan are verses of a real woman, full of feelings, passion and emotions.
   Her poetry was translated into Russian by Bulat Okudzhava, Yunna Moritz, Bella Akhmadulina. These verses were copied from the hands of a schoolgirl and a student of the 1960-1970s into treasured notebooks, and now lovers of her art are found.

SILVA KAPUTIKYAN

Yes, I said go away
  But why didn’t you stay?
  I said: "Farewell, do not wait,"
  But how did you break up with me?
  Contrary to my words
  My eyes were covered with tears.
  Why did you trust words?
  Why did you not trust your eyes?

SILVA KAPUTIKYAN

Loved - not tied,
  my heart sank - not caressed,
  left - could not resist
  But I forgot - I didn’t remember!
  What are you calling?
  I can’t come!
  I AM LONG ON ANOTHER COAST ...

SILVA KAPUTIKYAN

When would my love be
  Weak as a candle and small
  You couldn't go anywhere
  All the light her shore
  And for many years
  Trembling: the light is about to go out!
  But she’s not a candle,
  She is hot like the sun
  And therefore, probably, you
  Don't know the fear of the dark
  You leave for any term
  Love is like the sun above you!

SILVA KAPUTIKYAN

I haven’t bound our thoughts in our thoughts,
  Hopes not flattered, no
  I love so recklessly
  As they love the sea, the sun, moonlight.
  And in vain I’m jealous in your house,
Cursed as a persistent misfortune:
  Do not be afraid! I won’t look into the windows,
  I’ll never even pass by! ..

SILVA KAPUTIKYAN

Not! I do not want to see you!
  If the eyes begin to search
  I’ll omit the dark eyelids.
  And my tongue will call you
  I'll bite him with my teeth:
  "Shut up, not whisper, crazy!"
  Well, if from the heart, a cry?
  If the heart starts calling you
  How can I calm my tongue
  How can I calm my heart tongue?

SILVA KAPUTIKYAN

  I'll throw it into the fire with a hand movement
  The fruits of bitterness - songs pile,
  Though, like children, they are close to me.
  Live as you want, I won’t interfere!
  What songs? Their space for the heart is cramped
  The soul is generous, the soul is richer than songs!
  And if you meet me with another,
  Without looking, I will turn off your road
  So that the shadow of remorse or anxiety
  Not inadvertently caused my appearance.
  Live as you want, I won’t interfere!

SILVA KAPUTIKYAN

I will move my shoulder arrogantly, proudly,
  I can stand it
  I won’t call you.
  Oh, if people knew how bitter I am!
  But no one should know this!
  Not embarrassingly dropping eyelashes,
  I am walking among strangers of strangers ...
  Let everything in my chest burn and smoke
  If only smoke didn’t come from under the eyelashes!

SILVA KAPUTIKYAN

Gone ... But I know with all my heart
  We can’t get away from each other.
  I know I'm always with you
  I'll block all the way!
  I am your home, I am your way
  You walk with my image
  There are so many of you in me
  That there is no place there for others.
  And no matter how many female eyes I met
  You will see my eyes in them.
  I am alone for you in the world
  And there can be no others.
  Whose voices you hear
  You will hear me alone in them.
  ... touch you with the branches of the garden
  I’ll look through the eyes of midnight.
  ... when you get home late,
  You will remember me again.
  I will become cigarette smoke
  I'll become the stars in the window
  Through any kilometers
  I reach my heart with my heart.
  I draw in the window with a gentle wind
  Close, storm burst.
  Love has its own courage!
  Having flown into your house, into your world, into your life,
  Mix all your papers
  I’ll mix it all my life, maybe ...
  Dare you forget me

SILVA KAPUTIKYAN

We bring great love
  But I am for you, and you are for the other.
  Scorched by a big fire
  but I am you, and you are different.
  You wait for the words, I wait for the words
  I - from you, you - from another.
  I see your image in delirium
  you rave in another way.
  And what can I do, since
  fate itself does not feel sorry for us.
  What pity us? We live in love
  even though you are different, I - you ...
1945!

SILVA KAPUTIKYAN
  Oh, past, past I passed ...

Oh, by, by I passed!
  She stayed with you.
  Oh honey, honey, I read
  Her delight, your tiredness.
  She's so regally easy
  So imperiously ruled fate.
  I walked by, but far
  I took you with me!
  I took you completely -
  With a rush, a voice and a look,
So that you remain blind and dumb
  To that woman standing nearby.
  We walked a long time while you became
  As you were to me
  And the forests of the solar crystal
  Green echoed amused.
  There the birds called us
  To a clearing in a thousand colors
  And the darkness of green long eyes
  She mowed down on us from sticky branches.
  Feet walking easy
  Grass twisted the path
  And all that was left far
  What a song was killing.
  There was only light, and two wings,
  And the tears that relieved fatigue ...
  ... Oh, by, by I passed
  She stayed with you!

SILVA KAPUTIKYAN
  GAP

I know, I know that she is beautiful
  That eyes are darker than a starry night ...
  Go away. From our break
  The walls will collapse ... Get out before it's too late!
  Do not stare into my eyes.
  These tears are nonsense, and what's the point!
  Do not cry, but happiness was short.
  Do not cry, but grieve lasts a long time.
  Go away soon. The doors are open.
  Don't follow me in an awkward longing.
  The heart doesn't get used to losing
  Kohl tied to you with a rope.
  You walk away and the loop involuntarily
  It dragged on, as if we were getting closer!
  It hurts. Do you understand? Painfully.
  Tear off! Get out soon! Go away!
  / Translated M. Petrova /

SILVA KAPUTIKYAN

To put you on a pedestal
  So that you stay on the pedestal
  To shine with eagle wings
  Contemplating the distance with an eagle's eye, -
  For this, I gave my whole soul.
  I believed in you, as children believe.
  For all your evil deeds
  You weren’t in front of me.
  I closed my eyes and looked at you
  To see only as I wanted
  She was deceived, fiction loving.
  Where did the blinding go?
  You collapsed from the pedestal, and immediately
  I have ripened, but how hard it is to confess:
  With all my heart I paid for a diamond
  But he turned out to be a simple glass ...
  / Translated M. Petrova /

SILVA KAPUTIKYAN

You were my love, the secret light of the past you.
  If someone's heart is sweet- it is again, again you.
  Let us split up - and I don’t know about you.
  Let the other captivate me again, again you.
  Let not admire you, I urge not you
  Whoever languishes a heart is again, again you.
  It was not easy for me to fall in love.
  Ah, he did not overshadow you - it is again, again you.
  You have absorbed into my life, like rain in a dry land,
  If my garden is full of strength - this is again, again you!
  / Translated M. Petrova /

SILVA KAPUTIKYAN

You do not expect letters from me.
  It’s hard for me to live my soul in letters.
  Fire raging in the chest
  It fades in them, as if in them a stranger
  It's like someone for me
  He wrote them, avoiding confessions.
  Heartfelt ashamed of fire
  I am ashamed of the told misery.
  But mystery, but magic
  Poetry - she has no barriers:
  In it, hidden from one,
  It sounds open to the whole world.
  / Translated M. Petrova /

SILVA KAPUTIKYAN
  WINTER EVENING

I remember again those who remained in my heart with longing,
And those that from a young age in the soul remained a joy in the soul,
  And you, who appeared for a moment, imprinted forever,
  That for me, like spring thunder over a quiet river,
  And you, those who walk past, - you, who have left recklessly
  They only lit up with the light of the eyes, and as though they were good light,
  And you that saw me without seeing or noticing
  And in the depths of my soul, like a secret restless, remained,
  And even you that they swore to me in love and swore oaths, -
  You, who have left me, remain my deaf melancholy, -
  My heartless soul in the silence of the night blesses
  All that was remembered forever and remained in the song a line ...
  / Translated M. Petrova /

SILVA KAPUTIKYAN

  She died, two beams in two palms spilling.
  Two wet voices - two hearts deep in the phones
  They dropped their breath - it sank like a net.
  They didn’t leave any dried leaves in the books,
  No letters yellowing - there is nothing to burn in the stove.
  Amid the rumble and rumble of bustling smart streets
  Two pairs of soles walked so confused ... nowhere!
  They disappeared without entering any of the front doors,
  On the gloss of asphalt, like everyone else, leaving no trace.
  And this love was so unlike love.
  And is this gap something like a gap?
  There was a barely audible, distant song. And what?
  She died, two beams in two palms spilled ...
  / Translated J. Moritz /

SILVA KAPUTIKYAN

Do not think that you were better and higher.
  It so happened
  So it happened ...
  They crushed those days like someone’s disfavor,

  From there, discovering neither hearing nor spirit,
  The clock pounded methodically and deafly.
  Like tears, pounded
  Longing exuded
  Longing that seemed so bottomless
  That in my own house I was homeless.
  The telephone was black, a block of dumb stone,
  Outside the door, rainy autumn was smoking
  And the heart so longed for another heart,
  What was ready to believe in a lie ...
  / Translated E. Nikolaevskaya /

SILVA KAPUTIKYAN
  SONG SONGS

Fate gave me everything I wanted
  And she just didn’t give a happy love,
  So that I don’t cool down, so that I burn
  So forever restless
  To me the sunsets and sunrises
  Alarms unfulfilled burned,
  So that the voices of my unsung hopes
  Rang a bell in the distance
  So that I understand that the wind cries
  What the trees and the storm say
  To suffer and cry like Werther
  And the sad songs knew voices
  To take everything from the world and not be afraid
  Treasures of the soul to carry him,
  So that generosity is my wealth
  To give everything, and, therefore, to gain.
  So that I was not deaf to the misfortune of others, I
  And could recognize while she’s alive,
  Unshed tears and confusion
  And hear the hidden words
  So that all my scattered around the world
  Unknown, troubled sisters
  Lights of hearts that have no account
In my poems merged into one bonfire ...
  And to the book of books of my land,
  Crowned for centuries
  The excitement and sighs of a woman
  Another page lay down! ..
  / Translated by B. Okudzhava /

SILVA KAPUTIKYAN
  ON THE PLATFORM

The carriages shuddered, and in the window
  A sad smile flashed
  The train was leaving. And like in a dream
  Following him, I held out my hands.
  Frozen breath on the fly
  A voice drowned in a wheel knock
  Just rushed into the void
  Rails like outstretched arms.
  SILVA KAPUTIKYAN

Gone…
  But I know with all my heart -
  We can’t get away from each other.
  I know I'm always with you
  I'll block all the way!
  I am your house, I am your way
  You walk with my name.
  There are so many of you in me
  That there is no place there for others.
  And no matter how many female eyes I met -
  You will see my eyes in them.
  I am alone for you in the world
  And there can be no others.
  Whose voices you hear
  You will hear me alone in them.
  Touch you with the branches of the garden
  I’ll look through the eyes of midnight.
  When you get home late,
  You will remember me again.
  I will become cigarette smoke
  I will become the stars in the window.
  Through any kilometers
  I reach my heart with my heart.
  I draw in the window with a gentle wind.
  Close - storm burst!
  Love has its own courage!
  Having flown into your house, into your world, into your life,
  Mix all your papers
  I’ll mix it all my life ...
  Do not you dare to forget me!
<Сильва Капутикян>

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• 07.06.2017. so aunt writes about a departed love

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Gone
But I know with all my heart -
We can’t get away from each other.
I know I'm always with you
Us in this life - on the way!
I am your house, I am your way
We breathe air alone.
There are so many of you in me
That there is no place there for others.
And no matter how many 6 female eyes I met -
You will see my eyes in them.
I am alone for you in the world
And there can be no others.
Whose voices you hear
You will hear me alone in them.
  Touch you with the branches of the garden
I’ll look through the eyes of midnight.
When you get home late,
You will remember me again.
I will become cigarette smoke
I'll become the stars in the window
Through any kilometers
I reach my heart with my heart.
I draw in the window with a gentle wind
Close - storm burst.
Love has its own courage!
Having flown into your house, into your world, into your life,
Mix all your papers
I’ll mix it all my life, maybe

Do not you dare to forget me!

I hope that at the end of my days, when I stand before God, I will not have a drop of talent left so that I can tell him: “I used everything that you gave me.”

You are the present. You are the real feeling that is within me. Everything connected with you is for real. And I know that when I'm near you, I feel the present. Real feeling. It doesn’t matter who we are for each other now, I only know one thing: you are my real feeling.

I do not knock on the closed door! In response, I silently close my ... I do not impose! The world is huge - and there certainly is someone who is happy to receive exactly my communication, my look and my smile ... I'm not jealous! If your man is yours, then if he is drawn somewhere else, then nothing will hold him back, and moreover he is not worth my nerves or attention.

When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that the most important thing in life is to be happy. When I went to school, they asked me what I want to become when I grow up. I wrote "happy." They told me - "you did not understand the task", and I replied - "you did not understand life."

You are serious - out of years:
Little lived. A lot of pain.
May I not give you back
Shielding anyone?

I know - the song is not new
And over the years, less and less faith:
The night is dark and all cats are sulfur -
I stopped loving the words myself

But I beg you: hold on!
Hold on to me, don't fall -
What the hell is life
If this is not true? -

We are recorded for a century
Each other - do not get out:
I'll pour you a coffee
You - fill my heart with my life ...

And you love me any!
Love me always, always.
Merry, in problems, angry.
Scold, not loud, sometimes.

May I be the best for you!
Beautiful, fabulous, vibrant.
Always look for an opportunity
To talk to me.

Pity me, well, at least a little!
I’m so lacking a shoulder
Do not be angry when I am strict.
It’s stricter for me.

Write, call, be interested!
Where did I go when I get back.
But do not go deep into me.
I remain a mystery.

Always say I'm smart
When the hairstyle does not go.
Hold me when it's so weird
My brain lives in hysteria.

Understand me, even though it's hard!
But do not strain your mind
You are just silent, careful
Help me outlive everything.

It happens to us women
We sometimes have to mope.
Cry. They don’t make us
We just want to poke.

And even if in a silly quarrel
I'll tell you - leave me alone!
Do not leave. Stay with me.
It will be difficult for me without you.

I know it’s very difficult with us
Sometimes I feel sorry for men.
Living easier would be possible
When we ourselves knew what we want

No man can blame me for anything. I owe nothing to anyone except my parents, who gave me life. With the rest, I can be what I think is necessary, or not be at all. This is my life.

I will say this: I lived happily and carefree for a long time and was sure that everything was in my hands, and it will always be so. But when I met with an unexpected test, I realized that one could not cope. Yes, you can be strong, you can be lucky, but all this is given to us from above, and against all the will of God. Therefore, I know for sure that for everything that you have, you have to thank God, for everything from a piece of bread to a child.

One fine day, I realized that I did not want to prove anything to anyone. I took off my glasses and looked at people through the prism of cynicism: there are those who are nearby and those who are not on the way. Love me or hate me - everyone’s business.
The main thing is that I know for the sake of whom I will buy a ticket even to hell, and to whom I will not rise to paradise.