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We all come from childhood. In that beautiful, still "live" favorite toys, grandmother cottons in the kitchen, and if the hooligan claims to our comfort zone, you can easily solve this trouble, just told about the abuser dad. There always smells like mom and the favorite book has not yet been read until the end ... How often do you mentally return to your childhood? What do you think this journey is able to prevent your real way? We have already learned. And now let's open your way to the "unbearable ease of being."

We behave in childish

Each of us, at least once, but came across a person who is far from ... The age of dairy teeth, but who is able to remind everyone about this gentle age that thought appears in the head: "behaves like small child! " Let's try to figure out why adults behave like children.

Such a "small" is in any team. In the office, such "kids" are able to ruin any meeting and give emotional color even to dry out the results of the organization at the end of the year. How would you respond if on a simple question about non-compliance with plans, chief Accountant Putting and wiping tears began to narrow that she was not to blame, these are all unfair employees ... And if such a "child" take on important negotiations? Well, at least opponents will be surprised, and as a maximum - the cooperation is unlikely. After all, "adult" communication is a clear "said-did" or "asked- replied."

Each of us lives a child. We caress and poke it, buy toys (only adults) and try to protect against current concerns. The reactions of our "Little I" are often appropriate and harmless. But just why sometimes, we can play so that you do not harm not only yourself?

We fall into childhood when our emotion turns out to be larger than this situation. A simple example: when passerby slightly hooked your hand, and you shout, as if you were dislocated or broke. Such a message comes from childhood, such a "painful" you remember the past. It is not necessary that you often beat you, just worked "anchor", passers around someone reminded you, or the time machine started from a random phrase or intonation.

In addition to the "child", "Parent" lives in our subconscious. And our whole life consists of a series of activation of these images. Therefore, we react differently to different situations. The sharpness of what is happening we feel that side of the subconscious, which is more in us rasamy and vulnerable. For example, going for a date, you have a great mood and inspiration - this is the energy of the "child". But the date did not take place - the "child" is distressed. Although a couple of hours ago, he was calm and satisfied. What would the adult behave in such a situation? That's right, more judicially and calmly.

Behave different situations Different - the norm. We are not soulless cars, and it is the emotions that make our lives bright and memorable. But it is still worth identifying its most vulnerable side and work out all its pain.

Often it is the "little child" in us the most defenseless, scared, broken and lonely. Therefore, any situation is not controlled by us and "includes" the protection reactions: tears, embarrassment and searches to blame. Why is this happening? Because, once there was no reliable adult who could protect us and help live a unpleasant situation. And maybe the adult itself and was a threat to us. In childhood, we are not able to independently experience difficulties, so we need emotional contact with the air.

Become an adult

It is clear that the manifestation of children's gusts is not only unconsciously, but also naturally is a step towards the use of their "childhood" for the benefit. Realizing that something goes wrong, we change in best side. Any manifestation of "Little I". Mentally take the crumb into your hands, hug and tell me: Thank you, I have you! You are your favorite and best for me! I will always protect us and take care, you can rely on me in everything! Such practice - the best way Getting rid of traumatic childhood memories. Try to calm your "crumb" right now! Memories from childhood will not disappear anywhere, but "anchors" capable of pulling painful memories from the past to the present will become much smaller. You will notice how soon "child" is for solving complex question It will be more and more often to seek help to "adult".

Do not prohibit yourself to fall into childhood, you want to jump in a puddle - jump, you want to sing loudly - spoil! Do not be afraid to seem funny! In the end, we all in addition to the advantages and disadvantages. The question is how we are able for everything that is happening to be responsible, taking yourself in all manifestations.

Material prepared Victoria Lemon

Look at the world surprised and enthusiastically, like a child, quite well. Immediateness and children's delight is also not the worst qualities. But the irresponsible attitude towards life and children's behavior of an adult is a very negative character trait.

The infantile person is a person with a naive child approach to everyday life, politics and so on. All infantality. It is impossible to become an adult man without the possibility of independently make decisions and respond to them, be prepared for the consequences. Wikipedia consists that the infantile person - who wants to meet their needs, without doing anything.

What infantility means

Infantilism is a similar concept of infantality, although a little different. Under this word understand the immaturity of the development and the features of the behavior that are inherent earlier what does the infantile person mean? In principle, infantry belongs to diseases, but in fact it is not a disease. Stupidity, reluctance to grow up - anything. An adult man behaves like a child, wants to seem more stupid than it is in reality. Such behavior similar to the worldview and child manners does not promist anything good.

The infantile person is a man who is lagging behind in development. He may be 30 years old, but his behavior is similar to the behavior of the 10th child. Why is this happening? Because childhood is carefree, you can play and never answer. The main task of the child is to grow healthy, to learn well and listen to their parents.

Causes of infantality

This unpleasant most often develops as a result of improper education. When parents strive to protect their child (even adult enough child) from responsibility and all troubles. If a person himself does not want to learn to solve his problems without third-party help, then infantile features of his character will only grow and gain momentum.

Infantile man is a big problem for others.

For a person who does not want to grow up, there is no such thing as responsible for their actions and words. He easily gives promises and does not consider it necessary to perform them. For him, such behavior is the norm. Like many of our problems, infantility always comes from childhood. This problem grows from complexes, such as: "I do not want to become big" and fear of responsibility. There is still a complex of spoils, that is, the person is used to that he should all something.

But there are other faces of infantality, for example, the reluctance to take their age, the desire to appear younger. But the infantal person and man, a young spirit, are completely different, not related to among themselves. Infantility is a care from real life, reluctance to develop. It is difficult to communicate with such people, as they take into account only their needs and desires.

It is also worth noting that infantility is infectious. After all, it is very interesting and exciting: to return to childhood and behave like a child. Indeed, sometimes it is very important to be a child, but at the same time you need not to forget that people are surrounded by people - do not hurt them to offend their infantile behavior.

Good day. I am 44 years old. With me, recently lives a cousin, she is 24 years old. She grew up with her father and aunt, without his native mother. I my sister on the material line, took her to live 3 years ago. She often behaves like a child, i.e. Talking to a childish voice, manners of behavior like a child, cares, looks like a protracted look in his eyes, takes me by hand and keeps for her. And such behavior, it shows not only to me, it happens among the girlfriends, and at work. Once she made a remark that she was adult and so he should not talk, but she still continues to behave like a child. Maybe she did not surchant the maternal love and does it have such behavior from it? But there is also back side Medals. For example, if it starts to meet with a guy, the first two weeks it is like a child, and then become like a shepherd dog, Grubits, Hamit, guy as his property. For example: I heard where you went, as I said so and everything will be in such a way. I don't know how to do with my sister, how to help her, and where does she have such manners?

Answers psychologists

Hello, Natalia. I can only assume that your sister has a regression in due to the experiences of strong mental injury. That she

to become shepherd

requires regular work on oneself on its part.

You can offer her to appeal to the psychotherapist of the cognitive behavioral direction of psychotherapy.

Try to treat it with understanding and limit stress in her life, try to support and take care of yourself.

I sincerely wish good luck and all the best!

Ekaterina Vladimirovna, Nizhny Novgorod, advice on Skype

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Good evening! By E. Bern inside each person there are inner sublocities: parent, adult, child (child). The inner parent is an accurate copy of our parents and those adults that surrounded us. The inner parent monitors whether we make everything "as it should be" is correct, "it is possible", "well-bad." He knows only "it must be, must".

Inner adult is logic, practitioner, realist. An adult is something that is customary called common sense. The inner child wishes, and solves practical questions internal adult. He is alien to emotions.

When a person is wishes, afraid, rejoices, offended and feels loneliness or joy, he is in a state of an internal child. He sometimes can be capricious or can make unwise deeds under the influence of mood.

From your message, you can understand that your sister has an internal child adapts to survive. She has a lot of this part. She is very little adult. The inner child works with her when it seeks the location of young people. And then, when she doesn't like something in them, she turns on the inner parent, she "runs out" on them. Her inner adult does not have votes in this Trinity. In an adult position, a person includes his mind. In order for a person to bring up for an adult position, you need to speak "What do you think .........?" All this is connected with childhood. Perhaps her sorry, allowed much. It is necessary to help her cultivate his adult inside. The inner child expresses his desire "I want." The internal adult analyzes the situation, collects information, calculates, plans and having consistent with the inner parent decides. Contact your family psychologist or arrangement, as it is necessary to work out its place in the parent family and take life from the mother, thanking parents to go into your adult life. Then she will start growing. I wish you success! With respect and love!

Galiyeva Rita Husnutdinovna, Psychologist Nizhnekamsk

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She grew up with her father and aunt, without his native mother.

What about her mom?

"With father" - yours or her?

"Aunt" - sister her mom?

I sister her sister

cousin

Your mother is my mother's sister? Or your mother's mother's sister?

Yes, you quite rightly felt

Maybe she did not surchant the maternal love and does it have such behavior from it?

And about

but on the other hand.

then, indeed, any person opens with one side, then another ... And the fact that the sister surprises and as if someone was "instilled" in her - so it's about something secret, which was in the family, about the script (probably negative) some kind of woman who

to become like shepherd, Grubits, Hamit, guy as your property. For example: I heard where you went, as I said so and everything will be in such a way.

This is full-time job. With her. Will she go to therapy? It is unlikely ... she is "small": (((

I don't know what to do with my sister, how to help her

Does she ask for help? Without her desire, it is difficult to help (what?), Almost unreal ...

And when you

took her to her live 3 years ago

What are you guided? On what grounds? She was already 21 years old. Adult! Where did you get her "taken"? Why? For what? Is it capable? Why "taken away" (as a thing, like a baby in short)?

How does your personal life develop?

P.S. And yet - the most main question - What she is her motherWhat is her fate, what kind of opinion / knowledge about it?

I consult in Moscow, Orekhovo-Zuyevo and its surroundings, on Skype

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An innocent look, eyes in the floor, the sexlessness that brings to white cation ... What should I do if an adult behaves like a child? What strategy to choose?

Being a child profitable. No problem. No bills. No responsibility. I'm small - I'm in a house, bribe glada. Not life, beauty!

But if the role of a parent with a 30-year-old child is unexpectedly, you turned out to be?

How to do if the colleague makes round eyes and does not cope with the elementary task? Or if the husband suddenly loses the ability to choose house doors, dumping responsibility for you?

Adult, parent and child

The psychologist Eric Bern wrote about the three sides of the "I": a parent, adult and child.

Expressive adult communicates with those surrounding equal - honestly and good. He respects someone else's opinion and at the same time appreciates his.

The parenting parent is confident in his right to command and instruct anyone who falls into the influence area. Because he knows better!

Emotional child is all around are obliged. He is scandalous, having fun and hooligan at his pleasure.

These three sides live in each - we include an adult in negotiations, parents towards children, a child, when they are tired and want to be shown. Harmonious switching between these three roles makes our lives alive and cheer.

Why adult behaves like a child

Sometimes we stuck in one of the roles - the switch stops working.

For example, in some offices, be a child in relation to the boss - safer. Or we get used to the husband or wife perceives us as a parent and happily wearing this title, until you fall down from the legs.

It also happens that the role is imposed on us by the behavior of the interlocutor, who communicates as a parent or as a child - and we are afraid to make a step left.

We forget that you can act differently. Lock the baby into the cage. Or stuff on the parents of the parents of the parent.

How to interrupt vicious circle

To the interlocutor changed the position, change your first. Change the demanding tone of the parent to the calm tone of the adult.

Compare: "You've settled!" (Parent - child) and "Looks like you made a mistake. Correfy? " (Adult - adult).

Instead of reporting an employee who wakes in love with eyelashes, consult his adult part.

Compare: "There is no sense from you, even the doors can not choose yourself, but a man!" (The child is a parent) and "I would like you to take the choice of doors on yourself" (adult - adult).

Surely the child will rest and not surrender without a fight. Continue the adult line, do not give up.

If you analyze every conflict from this point of view, you will quickly learn to distinguish where an adult is included in you, and where is a child or parent. Gradually, you get used to freely change the position depending on your purpose.

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Often the behavior of a person may not correspond to his social role and status. When a woman behaves like a little girl, it can be the most different reasons. Why is it so adult girl behaves like a child? In order to determine the reasons, it is necessary to find out what is meant by this expression. Picture of behavior

1. The girl is capricious, constantly demands increased attention. It seeks everything that so wants, by scandals, tears, "tops" with legs.
2. Such women are usually very jealous to their second halves. In childhood, they are against their parents to have other children. Already in adulthood, they do not allow to approach their man to other young ladies, although at least childhood friendliers.
3. A fair floor representative runs out of responsibility. She does not intend to grow up, take complex work, Perform any duties. Such, becoming the mother and keeper of the hearth. They try to live carefree and fun, as if in their small world.
4. She constantly needs to protect. Infantile girls dream to hide from problems for someone's back, whether it is a man, friends or relatives. They are looking for a support and support in every person.
5. The girl-child is very trusting, so for her all the people around are good. She is not particularly picky in humans and glad to everyone who smiled at her.

Where does female infantotilism be taken from?

Of course, from childhood. It is clear that any parents want to give their daughter all the best, holling and cherish it. But some go to hell and what is called, "climb" your little princess. Over the years, it only progresses, and if the girl has five years to tie the laces and cook breakfast, when parents say, for example: "Masha, sit down to eat" a girl who is already twenty - it is strange. Egoism, years treated in a woman in her own relatives, makes her model of behavior contrary to its biological age.

Sometimes in childhood there is a opposite situation: the girl did not receive love and care in the amount that is necessary for normal socialization. Having matured, the woman tries to fill all the gaps. With parents it is already unlikely to be able to do, but if the girl finds himself a good man, it is quite possible that it is he who gives her that caressing, care and love that she needs. Many say that next to loved men happy women behave like children.