Why is the person silent. What the Silence is talking about

The other day I was asked: “How is it that people are silent and tolerate? What prompts them to hide their opinions? "

The answer is very easy.

People are silent because they are afraid of worsening the situation (for example, offending or losing a relationship). This is obvious evidence, but for some reason people remain silent.

So let's discuss where fear comes from and what you can do about it.

Origins

People are afraid to discuss the situation because they expect it to get worse. Yes, everything may be bad now, but if you open your mouth and try to discuss something, there will be a scandal and it will only get worse (and it often happens - when the last argument is violence, especially physical).

Therefore, silence seems like a good strategy. You look, if you keep silent, a person will come to his senses someday and everything will work out.

Alas, people confuse strategy and tactics. Silence is just a tactic. It can be very appropriate and useful, but just as a temporary, situational solution.

At the strategic level, silence is a dead end. And if you find yourself in it, get ready - it will only get worse.

Because if there is a problem in a relationship, it needs to be discussed. Relationships are built on discussion and agreement, not silence and submission.

How to deal with your fear of talking?

The first thing to do, you’ve already done, is that you’ve learned that keeping quiet about an issue is a bad strategy. Now all that remains is to remind myself of this, for example, like this: “If I now express my dissatisfaction, it may worsen. But if I keep silent, it will definitely worsen. "

Remind yourself every time that silence is not always golden.

Second. Remember that there are no guarantees at all in a relationship. Therefore, always keep plan B in mind. Moreover, if you do not have this plan, first come up with it, and then start talking.

You definitely need to understand where you will retreat if the conversation does not lead to anything good. Will you go to your parents, go to spend the night with a friend / girlfriend, call the police, file for divorce, go to sleep in another room? Maybe there are some other options?

Think, sketch as much as possible. Your job is to anticipate everything possible options development of events and prepare an action plan for each of them. Let these be the most general plans, but there will already be more than enough of them.

Plans, even the most general ones, are great at reducing fear.

Third. Think soberly. The fact is that people are often carried away by the scale of the catastrophe that is drawn to them. It seems to them that the expression of their discontent will annihilate the entire galaxy, no less.

In fact, this will not happen, of course. Most likely, the matter will end in a quarrel, but a quarrel is not a tragedy. Yes, we quarreled, yes, it’s unpleasant, but it’s still better than hushing up your displeasure day after day.

Yes, it can be scary to offend. At the tactical level, it is quite reasonable to remain silent - if this is something one-off, then so be it. But if the problem persists, don't be afraid to offend. We need to remind ourselves that in this case, silence is harmful.

Parting is not a tragedy

And at the end of the day - the main thing. People are silent because they are afraid of losing their relationship. They think that without this relationship they will feel bad.

No, no! It can't be bad without a relationship that you felt bad for. It may seem that you feel bad without this relationship (the wives of alcoholics, for example, often suffer from this), but this is only because the bad began to be forgotten.

Therefore, you need to understand - yes, one of the possible results of expressing your dissatisfaction can be the end of the relationship. That is why I recommend looking closely and not driving horses right away - perhaps in this specific situation it is really worth keeping silent.

But if the situation does not change, if it lasts from day to day, from week to week, from month to month, then it's time to think about the need for an open and serious conversation.

Yes, parting is a very likely outcome of such a conversation. And this is attention! - not scary.

Parting is unpleasant and painful, but still far from the universal annihilation that is drawn.

Again. If you are in a relationship that does not suit you, then it is prudent to try to change it so that it suits you. At the same time, it is reasonable to check yourself - if you are making this relationship unsettling. However, if it's not about you, and the partner does not want to build relationships with you, then parting is quite a way out.

Why? Because living the experience of parting is temporary. It will hurt and stop, you will start enjoying life again.

And the constant tension and suffering is simply killing you. Slowly and surely. I'm not kidding - it kills. Sometimes in the form of deteriorating health, sometimes in the literal sense (many people killed by their partners - both men and women - simply did not find the strength to leave when it was worth doing).

Therefore, please think about your health. Perhaps, to say with the risk of parting, is still better than a slow (or immediate) death?

Total. In some cases, being silent is useful and correct. However, if a situation that you do not like lasts a long time, you should start talking about it. If you personally cannot speak, the reason for this is fear. Fear is cured by making plans and reminding yourself that keeping things quiet is slowly (or quickly) killing you. Therefore, it is better to say - you will be more whole.

And I have everything, thank you for your attention.

Instructions

Women often make mistakes because they don't know the reasons for silence. loved one... It begins to seem to them that the man does not love or is trying to hide something. Although in reality everything is completely different. Most men do not consider it necessary to talk about their problems. But if you can still learn something from some, then others believe that their problems concern only themselves. As a rule, by appearance and the behavior of such people is really difficult to understand something. However, as a rule, in difficult times they become even more silent than usual. In this case, you do not need to pester your man with questions, all the more, try to put pressure on him.

It happens that a woman begins to come up with her own versions of the development of events. As a result, accusations arise about what did not exist in reality. Of course, in this way you can only hurt your loved one. It happens that a lady in any way tries to force a man to tell her about everything. However, this is unlikely to be implemented in practice. Such men try not to shift their problems to others, especially to their girlfriend. Therefore, it is better to try to distract him from sad thoughts, go somewhere with him or arrange a romantic evening, preparing his favorite dishes. So he will be able to unwind and quickly forget about his experiences.

Often such men try not to speak out loud about their love. Of course, the ladies lack this, and they begin to accuse him of callousness and insensitivity. It is by no means necessary to do this, because, as a rule, such people demonstrate their love not in words, but in deeds, and this is much more important. Plus, they really don't understand why talk about love all the time. For a silent person, a word once said is of great importance. If he said that he loved, this statement is eternal and unshakable. In case love leaves, he will certainly inform about it.

Silent people have one undeniable advantage. They are generally excellent listeners. Unlike other talkers, such men really know how to hear their women. If they have truly valuable thoughts about what they have heard, they will certainly express them and be able to give practical advice. However, comments and advice are likely to be short, as tacit people are used to talking only to the point.

Related Videos

People feel lonely when there is no creature around to take care of. Pets are able to fill the empty space in the shower. In order for a smaller friend to be comfortable both for himself and his owners throughout the life of a friend, they must choose their favorites, taking into account their character and opportunities for leaving.

Instructions

The dog is the most demanding animal. She needs the constant presence of her owners, and when they are not, she spends hours waiting for their arrival. It needs to be walked, so a person who is busy from morning till night at work and does not have assistants to take the dog outside in the middle of the day cannot start it. In addition, the dog needs at least minimal training: a watchdog who barks and runs after passers-by will at least be declared uncivilized.

A cat is a more independent creature, and there are no problems with the toilet, it is enough to teach her to walk into the litter box. She does not require constant communication, only a little bit of affection, the rest of the time she is able to occupy herself. A plus for residents of the private sector is the catch of mice with it.

The opposite of a dog in terms of sociability is fish. A well-equipped aquarium can meet most of their needs, with only feeding and periodic water changes remaining. Striped scalars, big-eyed telescopes and rainbow gouramis will delight the eye bright colors... You can watch their smooth movements for hours.

Rodents occupy something in between the representatives of these two extremes. Hamsters are bought for small children who need experience in animal breeding - they are easy to feed, and a small cage is enough to provide living space. Hamsters can be released to wander on the floor, pair them for subsequent breeding, but they are not distinguished by their outstanding intelligence.

More developed animals are rats, their only disadvantage is a long hairless tail, which causes a feeling of disgust in some adults. Children are free from such prejudices and enjoy communicating with pets. The life of the rat family is interesting to watch. They are social and easy to train animals. They feed them with food from the table, avoiding smoked meats and other harmful ingredients.

If the future owner needs interactivity, and hamsters and rats are too silent for him, he'd better get guinea pig... When she is hungry, she makes a screech. When stroking behind the ear - a contented grunt, and indeed a pig is a rather playful animal that needs to be taken out of the cage often, otherwise it will get bored.

Once the Buddha passed by one village. Several people gathered - his opponents - and they began to fervently and angrily insult the Buddha. He listened in silence very calmly. Because of this calmness, they somehow felt uncomfortable. An awkward feeling arose: they offend a person, and he listens to their words like music. There is something wrong here. One of them turned to Buddha: “What's the matter? Don't you understand what we're talking about? " “It is with understanding that such a deep silence is possible,” the Buddha replied. - If you had come to me ten years ago, I would have rushed at you. There was no understanding then. Now I understand, and because of your stupidity, I cannot punish myself. It is your business to decide whether to offend me or not, but to accept your insults or not is my freedom. You cannot impose them on me. I simply refuse them; they are not worth it. You can take them for yourself. I refuse to accept them. "

In any spiritual culture, silence, if it is not excessive, is perceived as "gold." In the ancient Greek school of the Pythagoreans, teachers for the beginning of teaching wisdom imposed a long silence on the lips of their students. And the sages of all ages have always approved of silence. The wise Solomon writes: "He who keeps his mouth, he protects his soul", "The voice of a fool is known with a multitude of words."

“Silence is not at all a sign of soullessness. Only that which is empty inside thunders, ”Shakespeare wrote. Talkativeness characterizes a person, especially a man, with negative side... Those around with the “third eye” observe how conceit creeps out of the talker - a form of pride. He so wants to make an impression, to show his importance, and he does not let anyone open his mouth. But there are many competitors, it is necessary to lay out as much as possible in a unit of time a large number of words, work without pauses, it is advisable not to breathe, otherwise someone will seize the initiative of the conversation. Then try to select the word. Just as driving a car at high speed is dangerous, so talkativeness leads to verbal husk, nonsense, reservations and absurdities. The people around make a disappointing conclusion - a frivolous chatterbox and a talker. Impromptu wisdom is not born, it is the fruit of deep reflection. Rapid-fire words cannot carry deep and valuable knowledge.

In addition, a chatty man demonstrates the limitations of his mind and clearly demonstrates the selfishness of his nature. A talkative person, obeying his vice, usually does not put forward a thesis about what he wants to talk about and what he is going to argue about. Therefore, he jumps from one thought to another, forgetting about the original topic of the conversation. Selfishness requires showing others his importance, the main thing for him is, and not expressing his point of view. Ignorance and selfishness have permeated his mind, feelings and reason so much that he is not able to listen and hear other people, respect other people's opinions and intentions. Forcing the attention of others, he pours out on them the "chatter" of his selfish mind with a running line of absurd thoughts.

Good is silent, pride is talkative. Pride needs to tell everyone about its achievements, it is really bursting with unspoken information, life loses its meaning. She doesn't care about the early maturity of her conclusions. Silence says only that which is verified, of which it has no doubts. People feel the "weight" of her words and believe them.

Real silence has an interesting property - it can be silent not only externally, but also internally. External silence serves necessary condition hear inner voice... A person is outwardly silent, which is called "bit his tongue," but the inner voice continues to carry nonsense, generate nonsense. When there is no external silence, while a person is ranting, he does not hear either the mind or reason. This means shouting down yourself. But when external silence reigns, he begins to hear the voice of the mind and control its "chatter" - stupid thoughts "in the urn", standing on pondering with the connection of the subconscious. This selective selection of thoughts allows taciturnity to produce respectable words.

It is interesting that in London there was a club of "silent". The first paragraph of the charter of this club was the prohibition within the walls of its any conversations. Here you could rest your nervous system overworked by the living conditions of a big city, and to escape from friends and acquaintances who are sick with “logoorrhea” - as in medicine they call the disease of excessive talkativeness.

“The word is silver, silence is gold,” says popular wisdom. However, silence is not always perceived by others as an undoubted virtue. A fat minus is given to her by the scarcity of mental content and unsociability. Silence emanating from the mind is wise, from a stupid mind is cunning. Often a person is silent, guided by the thesis: "Keep quiet, you will pass for the clever one." You try to break through to another person through the wall of silence, thinking to get into an oasis of wisdom, and there is emptiness - no your own judgments, no opinions, nothing. Even a complete donkey armed with silence can look like a sage for a while.

A separate conversation about female silence. Fortunately, with rare exceptions, it is not peculiar to women. Evil silence in a woman's performance is worse than any harsh and bad speech. A woman should run from her like the devil from incense. If you enumerate terrestrial horrors, the woman's offended, angry silence will hold the palm. In a family, a man is usually under "anesthesia" of his wife's pleasant, affectionate words. And suddenly she is defiantly silent, the man is in a panic, he feels guilty, thinks how to fix the situation. But if a woman is serious about ruining his existence, her silence turns into a forbidden weapon. Like bacteriological or chemical weapons, they paralyze and destroy relationships. A man is close to insanity, a blizzard is raging in his soul, he wants to break and destroy everything. Therefore, silent women are more often beaten. The energy of silence is so unbearable that not every man can control himself.

The woman who is silent. Sounds unnatural. A woman who sings is okay. And yet, when a woman is silent, she lets angry thoughts about her husband into free space. A man feels them in the air, but he cannot do anything. The female mind, feelings and the psyche in general are six times stronger than the male. Famous verses say, "You can kill with the word." It turns out that a man can be killed by female silence, turn him into an alcoholic and impotent. This is the price of women's electoral silence.

Petr Kovalev

If you've ever been in a situation where you need to get the attention of an entire classroom or people, you must have noticed that silence is most effective.

When a teacher or speaker is silent, the audience begins to take an interest in him. The lecturer's silence sends a signal: something has happened. And the listeners will try to focus in order to understand why the communication has stopped.

This applies not only public speaking but also everyday conversations. When we are silent, people concentrate and we grab their attention.

Sometimes we say too many unnecessary words, we explain too much. If a question is met, it means that it is the best answer to it. We can also soften the harshness of the negative response with silence. By not saying no directly, we avoid being rude and verbose. Perhaps silence as an answer - the best way out out of a difficult situation.

Ludovic Hirlimann / Flickr.com

Another example: someone said something we disagree with or something that we find offensive. Restraining ourselves and keeping silent in response, we send a powerful signal: "I do not like it, I do not agree with you."

Silence uses body language

And gestures are often more expressive than words spoken aloud. Facial expressions, gestures, eye contact and tone of voice speak volumes. The ability to decode and correctly understand body language can be a powerful tool to be used in everyday communication: to communicate with others and build strong relationships.

Silence Is Compassion

There are times in life when silence is tantamount to expressing empathy and signals that you understand the other person.

Sometimes correct words just doesn't exist.

Pain or grief is difficult to relieve with conversation. But to show how we care about another and worry about him is very simple with the help of silence.

Silence is courtesy

We are constantly surrounded by information noise. on the radio and TV, music in elevators, shops and offices, notifications on smartphones and tablets ... Moreover, people around us do not calm down and constantly talk. The feeling that we must communicate for the sake of communication as such, so as not to be excluded from social life, is captivating.

We are fighting the information noise around. And when we keep our word, we frantically try to squeeze in as much information as possible in a minimum of time.

But when we are silent, we show the interlocutor that we listen to him attentively and respect every word he says.

So the silence is powerful tool which can make you a good speaker. Silence is a great power that you need to be able to use.

Practice keeping silent.

Ecology of life: Why are people silent? Five reasons for silence that will answer this difficult question.

Why are people silent

Why are people silent? Five reasons for silence that will answer this difficult question.

How difficult it is to get in and out of situations of awkward silence. For example, having arrived on vacation - to sit in a rented apartment for rent in Odessa and try to find what to say to the girl of your mutual friends you like. What does silence mean for each of us? How does it affect our inner world and our relationship with people?

Five reasons for silence:

1. The person does not know what to answer. He seems to go numb in this uncertainty. A person is silent when he does not understand the question or does not know how to respond correctly.

2. The person is silent because he does not know how to correct the current situation. Sometimes we come across people and understand: say or do not tell a person - it will not help.

3. He is ignored. What if the person by this behavior shows that you do not sympathize with him? This is something worth considering. Maybe the person does not want to help you and does not know how to refuse correctly. In such situations, it is worthwhile to sort out the relationship with him and say directly about your guess. Suddenly, everything will be decided, and you will become best friends?

4. The person is just tired. This is another reason why people are silent. Especially after a difficult and busy day at work, people are already emotionally exhausted and do not want more communication.

5. Sometimes words are not needed. If we talk about silence, then it is worth considering the fact that sometimes we ourselves should be silent. Silence with a friend is a completely different conversation. Sometimes words are not needed to support a loved one. This should also be remembered.

We are all different people. Some, due to weakness, excessive modesty, and maybe even isolation, are not able to express their opinion. You should find the right approach to such people and not pester with various questions and reproaches.

Remember that speaking your own thoughts is the foundation of mental health. No one can read minds, so try to be more outgoing. Then mutual understanding will come among us. published