To achieve success in all spheres of life, a person needs sufficient self-confidence and its capabilities. Low self-esteem is a barrier that does not allow to become happy, because a person is filled with doubts and is not able to fully enjoy life and feel happy. Think - while you are not sure about your abilities, the best moments go past you and, of course, someone else will use them. Let's think about how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence. Psychologists have developed special techniques and ways to increase self-esteem.

What is self-esteem

Causes of low self-esteem

Even a specialist is difficult to determine all the criteria that affect the formation of self-perception. Psychologists allocate congenital factors, external and position. There are four most common causes of low self-perception.

1. Features of education in the family.

Approval "All problems of childhood" is the most common cause of low self-perception. As a child, there is a direct dependence of the child's self-esteem from the principles of education and parental relationships to the kid.

2. Failures in childhood.

If a child in childhood is constantly experiencing a sense of guilt, in the future it will turn into uncertainty and unwillingness to make decisions on their own.

It is important! It is important to tell the child - how to raise self-esteem and self-confidence and teach to respond correctly to failures so that the baby does not give hands, but moved further.

3. Incompanying environment.

You can form an adequate assessment only in the environment where the success and achievements are sincerely appreciated. If a person falls into a passive environment where the initiative is missing, it becomes the same. Low self-esteem and insecurity are characterized by people in such a society.

4. Appearance and condition.

To a greater degree, low self-esteem is formed in children and adolescents with non-standard appearance and congenital pathologies. As a rule, people surrounding are quite tough and straightforward in their judgments. First of all, children with overweight are needed. They need to tell how to love themselves and increase self-esteem. The self-esteem of a woman depends more from the appearance.

Effective methods for improving self-esteem

The first step towards the formation of self-confidence is awareness of the problem. Here are some of the most effective techniques that will be prompt - how to increase self-esteem and.

1. Changing the environment.

Refuse to communicate with people who are tuned negatively, constantly unhappy. Strive for successful personalities who are confident, are positively configured. Communication with such people will gradually return to a person confidence and self-esteem.

2. No challenge.

If you constantly scold yourself for mistakes and failures, you can hardly increase the self-perception. Do not use negative assessments with your own life, appearance,

3. Avoid comparisons.

Understand that you are the only person and the second such in the world does not exist. Perceive yourself as a unique and unique person, even with disadvantages.

It is important! The only acceptable comparison is with a person, more successful, focusing on his achievements.

4. Affirmations to increase self-perception.

Affirmations are short motivating formulas aimed at creating confidence. Repeat them better in the morning and before bedtime. You can create a playlist with such affirmations.

5. Take unaccustomed actions.

It is much easier to hide from the problem behind a glass of wine, desserts or tears. Try to meet a problem and check who wins.

6. Visit the training on how to give yourself confidence.

If visiting the training is not possible, use special, psychological literature or documentary and feature films.

7. Exercise.

This is the best way to enhance self-esteem. Regular training makes it less critical to evaluate your appearance. In addition, during exercise, hormones of happiness and good mood are produced.

8. Enter the Achievement Diary.

Record personal successes and achievements in the diary. Be sure to write down every success, even the most insignificant from your point of view. Put the target to record 3-5 minor achievements. Low self-esteem in men especially depends on low self-realization

• Use the written technique for forgiveness. In one note, describe your own failures and errors, and in the second - you are comforting yourself, try to forgive yourself.
• Use meditation. No need to underestimate meditation techniques. With its help you can relax, absorb positive energy. A lot of meditation techniques described in the special literature.

But the factors affecting self-esteem among representatives of strong and weak sex various. Methods of combating inadequate self-esteem in men and women differ.

How to increase self-esteem woman

For self-perception of a woman, its attractiveness and attention from men are most important. Also important criterion is the attitude of other people in general.

How to improve self-esteem man

Success in society and are the main factors of self-assessment of men. The main recommendations are as follows:

• start to appreciate yourself and your time;
• take your shortcomings and turn them into dignity;
• different development
• act always and do not give up with difficulties.

An objective assessment of your personality is not fiction, but a reality. The main thing is to understand the importance of such changes and sincerely want it to achieve a positive, career and love yourself. Remember, you need to deserve love, and for this it will be necessary to go through the dissatisfaction stage.

A psychologist will tell a psychologist on how to form confidence in their own forces.

Low self-esteem - The main enemy of human development, as a person. She prevents fully from communicating with people to achieve success in work, to make relationships and enjoy life. A person who is not confident in herself will not be able to become happy and successful, so it is so important to love himself and adequately assess its advantages.

Causes of low self-esteem

Before dealing with uncertainty in me, It is necessary to find out what it is connected with and what caused. Many psychologists agree on the fact that causes of uncertainty It is worth looking for in your childhood and relationships with parents. When children's achievements constantly remain unnoticed, and merit - not estimated, the child begins to feel useless, it develops a complex of inferiority. From an early age he thinks that he is not worthy of parental praise. Having matured, he believes that not worthy of happiness, therefore, deprives himself many joys of life. If the parents punished the child as a childhood for the slightest oversight, and they did not allocate their advantages, then in adulthood, a matured person will notice only the shortcomings and often disgrace their advantages.

Insecurity can be a consequence of severe mental injuries, from which a person could not recover: divorce, betrayal, treason, loss of work. At such moments, it is extremely important in time to pay attention to the problem and help your native person to get out of the current situation, support it.

How to defeat uncertainty

Overcoming uncertainty and work on their self-esteem is a difficult work that requires patience and resistance. First of all, you need to stop doing focus on failures and lesions. Each person is mistaken, fails, it is an opportunity to better know yourself and your abilities to understand what qualities should be developed. The ability to concentrate on the present time will lead to happy and full-fledged life.

People with understated self-esteem are sensitive to opinion of othersTheir idea of \u200b\u200bthemselves is formed, based on the praise, said to their address, or critics. It is necessary to learn to be a self-sufficient person who does not take someone else's opinion towards heart and independent of it. Psychologists advise to take the paper and draw up a list of all their advantages. Every evening, before bed, reread the resulting list. It is also desirable to make a diary of success and recording your small achievements daily for a day.

A constant comparison of oneself with other more successful people leads to depression and prevents self-development. You need to compare your own past and present achievements to achieve success in the future. Defeats and failures are from everyone, even very successful and self-confident people. If you change the attitude towards failures and look at them, as a given opportunity to get valuable life experience in order not to make a mistake and be on top, you can defeat any complexes, including uncertainty. Psychologists recommend to follow the advice listed below to defeat insecurity.

• It is necessary to go to an expensive boutique and ask for a consultant to show you the thing you like, ask about its composition, laundry rules, storage, price. Then politely thank and leave.
• Take a conversation with an unfamiliar person in a cafe, restaurant, public transport, ask for help (show the way, give to call, ask for money on the road).
• Daily should be carried out at least 20-30 minutes from the mirror, making compliments to its reflection, highlighting all the advantages and describing them in detail.

Low self-esteem people do not know how to take compliments. Sometimes apologize or noted any of your drawback. Do not be shy to take compliments and deserved words of approval and admiration. In such cases, you should smile and politely thank the interlocutor, and not blush and list the shortcomings. Frequent "Thank you", said both by the person himself and in his address to others, is an excellent way. raise self-esteem And remove the constant nervous tension that people are not confident.

Fighting low self-esteem can be long, but it will become effective only when a person learn to win his fears.

All around tell you that you are worthy of the best. Girlfriend is calling for classes in Flamenko's studio, Mom suggested to change the wardrobe ... You make a timidly agree, you love to murm yourself that yes, it would be nice, and you are sure, next time ... What does it prevent you from follow these advice right now? Perhaps this is insecurity. It's time for you to find out what understated self-esteem and how to deal with it.

You need to figure out how to get rid of understated self-esteem, if unpleasant things often occur in your life:

You can't say "no," you are afraid that your refusal of someone offended, put in an awkward position, grieved. At the same time, you are not at all glad to perform these requests, and sometimes it is very annoyed by the fact that I could not refuse. When a person does something in his own will, he enjoys this and satisfied with the result.

You are too worried about someone else's opinion. You are worried about the fact that someone will talk about you badly, and is ready to constantly abandon your desires in favor of public opinion. Without believing in your capabilities, you are afraid to make a choice, trying to shift responsibility on others, asking "What did you do?" The reverse side of such tactics is the criticism of others, because they made the wrong choice for you. But any remarks herself perceive painfully and see them only the proof of its inferiority.

You do not know how to take compliments at all. You are pleased to receive gifts and hear beautiful words in your address, but you feel unworthy praise by the "deceiver." You are more familiar to be a victim - whining and complaining, counting on sympathy, not for admiration.

You feel too critical to your appearance: the color of the eyes, hair, the width of the waist, the growth is all this in your opinion far from the ideal. Very rarely you like yourself in the mirror.

You are unhappy with your surroundings. Psychologists have long noted that subconsciously unsure people surround themselves to those who constantly confirm their low self-esteem. In case you emphasize other people's shortcomings to feel better than others, you do not have good friends: they repel your sharp criticism, and often envy and boasting.

If you find in your behavior signs of low self-esteem - urgently take action!

Insecurity makes you gloomy and irritable, it is dangerous and can destroy your life.

First of all, understated self-esteem prevents you from building a successful career and healthy relationships with people. The man's unsure of itself often refuses the difficult, interesting work from fear that he will not come out. Sometimes it is worth a risks with your fear and go to the adventure, take up a new task, otherwise you will always be discovered less capable, but more confident people. If you constantly think that nothing comes out, and you will not cope, you will never be able to show your talents and succeed.

Due to the low self-esteem, you are afraid of losing love or friendship, and constantly inferior, refuse your desires for someone's interests. Instead of a hike in a cafe with a friend, you go with your beloved on the horror movie, which he long wanted to see. Of course, it is impossible to be a egoist, which is only thinking about himself, but a compromise is a double-sided road. Constantly obeying someone else's opinion, you risk losing respect for loved ones. You are always tense, suffer alarms and doubts, sleep badly. It is very dangerous - the neurosis develops so much, and then you will not do without the help of a specialist. In some cases, insecurity leads to various dependencies that destroy the health and psyche in the literal sense.

Permanent stress that you experience may cause serious diseases.

How to increase self-esteem?

You have already done the first steps: I found the main problem and found out what the understated self-esteem is dangerous. It's time to take action. You will be helped by simple actions that will completely change your life.

Down with perfectionism!

You should understand that there are no ideal people, and stop yourself to reproach, which is far from perfection. Perfectionism is the opposite side of insecurity. Stop inspiring that you can't do it perfectly perfectly, there is no need to start, and remember that athletes are training for a very long time and make mistakes before reaching the result.

Warring your fear

Get rid of lonely fear, which affects your relationship with people. The most valuable resource in the life of each person - time. Sometimes it is one very helpful: it is an opportunity to relax, quietly make plans for the future and consider ways to fulfill their implementation, see new perspectives. Make a list of important cases for you, for which there is always enough time. Instead of a campaign on a boring fashionable performance with girlfriends, sitting at home with an interesting book. If you like to cook, then find a new recipe and prepare it for yourself.

So that wise life is to live, it's necessary to know quite a lot.
Two important regulations of remember for starters:
You're better than hungry than what I have,
And it's better to one than with whom it fell.

Omar Khayam

Do not praise yourself ...

When combating low self-esteem, it is useful to praise yourself for any, even a minor success. Did you solve a difficult task? Great, let yourself enjoy a sense of victory. The usual tidy of the house should be a reason for joy: calmly and not hurrying to make a cup of tea or coffee and sit in a beautiful and cozy kitchen or room, which is not in a hurry, feeling a sense of satisfaction from well done.

Take compliments with dignity

Stop embarrassing, vigorously murmur, that it somehow happened so itself, it is better to calmly and with a smile thanks for good words. You deserve them, do not doubt it! If you all the time you deny our own successes from false modesty, they will simply stop notice. When you begin to appreciate myself, your time and your work, the opinion of the surrounding will also change.

To secure your progress in the fight against uncertainty, find a deal that you can do great.

In childhood, I spoke well - try to go with girlfriends in karaoke bar. If you like to draw, I wrote into an art studio. Perhaps you will surprise everyone with your talents, and in any case you will enjoy a lot of new impressions.

Whether it is ready for the fact that not everyone surrounding will keep you in the fight with low self-esteem.

Perhaps the girlfriend is used to being bright and witty on your background, and the boss is to load the additional work of the trouble-free "gray mouse". Your man is sure that you are always waiting for him, and it doesn't matter that he is late for four hours each time, because he decided to sit with friends, despite your plans for the evening. Such people can interfere with you on the way to goal in many ways: leading long conversations about your shortages, letting the criticism of your appearance, and sometimes to reproach you that "you used to be better." This lie - you were just "more convenient to operate." Such relationships should be broken as quickly as possible without any regrets.

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The understated self-esteem can manifest itself at any age, but its deposits are formed by their parents in childhood. In modern society, it is often found by the problem and is characterized by an inadequate vision of the person of itself. This problem may seriously spoil the life of the individual. The main "satellites" of understated self-esteem includes confusion, fear of being incomprehensible or obtain a refusal, indecision, self-esteem in personal potential and their own attractiveness, jealousy, cowardice, shyness, excessive hazardiness, fear to seem funny. People with understated self-esteem may never become winners. They are obviously in society occupy a disadvantageous position.

Causes of understated self-esteem

The main reasons for the occurrence of low self-assessment include the assessment and influence of parents in childhood, the adoption of the appraisal opinions of the people around them as an objective reality, giving the significance of some business in which you defeated, an overestimated level of claims.

Self-assessment of personality, as much more, begins to form from early childhood. In this period, the baby cannot yet assess his actions and actions, so the opinion about himself is by suggestion of the nearest environment, mainly with the help of parental reactions to all its actions and actions. Without paying for children of love, attention and caress the parents in them nascent self-esteem. Permanent criticism to kids, excessive demanding to them necessarily affects their future life. The continuous criticism from the figures significant for children leads to a very low degree of self-esteem. The child gets used to a constant criticism and perceives it as a norm. Therefore, smallest, he will no longer demand a better relationship.

Another reason for the understated self-esteem, which originates from childhood, is to use the parents of the "Tarandi police". Excessive use of this method of education can cause children a sense of great responsibility in children, subsequently leading to emotional stiffness. Often adults say: "Your father is a respected person, so you must behave like him." In the subconscious of the baby, a reference model is formed, the embodiment, it will become good and perfect, however, because It is not carried out, the discrepancy between the ideal and the existing reality appears.

Children's diseases or external defects can also make a negative contribution to the development of self-assessment. A sick child or a child with disadvantages of appearance feels not as those surrounding. If in child age over his defects, peers were mocked, incessantly reminding him of their existence, then such a child will definitely be low self-esteem.

Regardless of the good or bad task, there are always people who will criticize. If a person will take all without excluding the statement of others around the faith, it will definitely affect his self-esteem.

People with an understated self-esteem personality are characterized by a sustainable attachment of great importance to some events or consider themselves obviously losers in comparison with others. This collapses their self-confidence and personal potential leads to the loss of a sense of personal dignity, which, ultimately, leads to an understated self-esteem.

Often, individuals on ignorance are determined for themselves to achieve, so overestimated goals and a very short period of time for the implementation that their implementation is practically unreal. After they do not reach these purposes, self-esteem deteriorates significantly. The individual ceases to believe in personal potential, disappointed in its own forces and stops making any attempts to implement his dreams.

Signs of understated self-esteem

The main feature by which it can be concluded about the presence of an individual of a low level of self-esteem is to attitude to his personality around. After all, surrounding intuitively perceive the person according to her self-esteem. Therefore, if a person belongs to himself with respect and takes his identity, then it will definitely be taken and respect the surrounding society. If a person does not like himself, then you should not wait for love from the people around. After all, when the individual himself implects himself in his own eyes, then it is quite difficult to treat him and think about it differently.

In addition, an individual with low self-standard will unknowingly choose the same interaction partners for itself, which will once again be confirmed by such a self-assessment. This behavior comes from the fact that every person seeks to involuntantly make sure their self-esteem. Such a tendency for personalities with internal uncertainty, indecisiveness and understated self-examination is natural.

The problem of understated self-esteem is often accompanied by a habit of constantly complaining about life, circumstances, its helplessness, the inability to change anything in the circumstances, in order to mentally call themselves unlucky, bad, imperfect, etc.

The feeling of feeling of pity comes from the inability to manage your own life. People are consciously surrendered to the mercy of others or circumstances. They are even pushing them in one direction or the other. They allow others to upset themselves, hurt, scold, criticize and annoy, because they are dependent and love attention, they want to all be good. Often, many individuals rejoice in what they are sick. After all, the power is the power - the surrounding begin to devote to such an extent and are always ready to serve.

People tend to accuse others and complain about them, because they refuse to take responsibility for everything that happens to themselves. After all, it is much easier to shift the blame on the people around others or unsuccessful circumstances than to realize that the problem is itself. An individual who has a habit to complain to others and blame them in their own failures, feels an infallible person and tries to consolidate his position, humiliating others. Quite often, individuals imputed to others that they do not like them or what they blame themselves. They rush to condemn in the surrounding individuals precisely those flaws and weaknesses that are in them themselves.

The problem of understated self-esteem also lies in focusing its attention on their own shortcomings. People with understated self-esteem usually look like this: Awanned head, sad facial expressions, the corners of the mouth are omitted by the book, stiffness of movements, etc. A person with adequate self-esteem looks more relaxed physically.

The manner is dressed also testifies to the adequacy of self-esteem. Hairstyle, clothes, makeup and well-groomed is a kind of self-presenting personality.

Individuals with a low level of self-esteem are characterized by inadequate reactions to criticism. They take any comments and statements to their account. It should be understood that absolutely all people can make mistakes. Discussion and error analysis will be constructive if the conversation is carried out with an adequate person. Individual with a low level of self-assessment perceives the analysis of errors as a personal insult, a peculiar testimony of his own inferiority, mental injury.

Launched self-esteem prevents such a person to separate his identity from the problem itself from the situation. Person who put on false masks think they are worse around. In an effort to resist this feeling, they are often familiar, boastful, they are too loud talking, it is indicative of laughing or trying to fight their material well-being. Such people do not want to demonstrate a genuine attitude towards themselves. Artificial masks are intended to cover their own uncertainty, are an attempt to compensate for their own dignity.

People with understated self-esteem are usually characterized by the lack of close friends. Feeling hostility to his own personality, they are made or "single", which live separately from society, or adhere to the opposite behavior manner and turn into aggressive, assertive, unnecessarily critical, demanding people. None of the listed models of behavior contributes to friendly relations.

A low self-esteem can often be accompanied by fear of making a mistake. Constantly doubting the opportunity to carry out what others are waiting for him, the individual is usually not doing anything at all or can postpone the performance of actions for a longer period. A person refuses to make a decision, as it believes that he will not be able to make a right choice. The result of an understated self-assessment of one partner or both spouses can be divorce at the same time. Basically, such unions are solved, in which one of the partners is experiencing a steady need to dominate the spouse, control it or sanctifying it to them.

How to get rid of low self-esteem

The emergence of inadequate estimation of himself is, in fact, symbiosis from the feelings of guilt, offense, shame, which most often people are not realized.

Heavy and understated self-esteem is considered two sides of the same medal to fail their personality. After all, in the case of the slightest failure, the oversized level of self-esteem is instantly transformed into the underestimated, and in case of success - the underestimated degree of self-esteem is rapidly moving into an overestimated, so it is never adequate. Therefore, overestimated and understated self-esteem can coexist in one personality.

How to deal with understated self-esteem? Initially, it should be detected by the causes of its occurrence and rethink them.

Working with understated self-esteem begins with the awareness of its own advantages and flaws, certificates are that you have wonderful qualities and strong parties that are worthy of respect and high evaluation. You can play with yourself in a fairly simple game, which lies in the daily accomplishment of three things that deliver you joy. You need to start living for yourself, so you should build the simplest plans and perform them, to live with a good mood, a positive attitude, more often smile and regularly praise yourself.

Understated self-esteem, what to do? First you need to love yourself with all flaws, errors, defects and disadvantages. It is necessary to try to understand that you, like any other person, are worn not only from flaws, but still have a lot of advantages and advantages.

You need to learn how to follow yourself, behind your gait, manner of behavior, etc. If you notice that you walk down the street, looking at my feet, then you look forward, drink a smile on my face, remember the pleasant moments of life and feel free to go to meet the dream.

How to deal with understated self-esteem? Very simple! You just need to start to appreciate yourself. And for this, give yourself the opportunity to do what you have a soul, start reading more. Can you change the work? If there is no such possibility, then find yourself a favorite hobby.

Working with understated self-esteem lies in self-control and workout of the Will's Force. Active recreation, exercise, daily workouts, contrasting souls - perfectly strengthen the body and spirit.

How to get rid of low self-esteem? The answer to this question lies in good attitude towards others and love to neighbor. Try to help people, do not avoid requests for help, if you can help. This will give you significance in your own eyes.

Change your views on the world and society. Get rid of permanent depressing thoughts on the need to increase the level of self-assessment. Such thoughts will not lead to a good result. The most important rule on the way to adequate self-examination is faith in itself, personal potential and its own strength.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "Plyomed"

As we treat yourself, others do us. Launched self-esteem - syndrome, which can lead to serious problems both in a career and in personal life.

1. Perfectionism

Perfectionism can be both manifestation of underestimated self-esteem and its cause. Perfectionist striving for non-existent perfection or simply to high standards rarely receives satisfaction from its work and therefore more susceptible to criticism. He seeks to match the ideal image that created himself, and, without reaching it, he experiences a feeling of disappointment in himself, up to contempt.

2. Speech

A person with underestimated self-esteem constantly uses certain words in his speech.

First, these are negative phrases expressing denial: "It is impossible, not sure, not ready, not possessing relevant knowledge; Yes, but ... ".

Secondly, constant apologies. And thirdly, phrases, accurate values \u200b\u200bof human actions and labor. Surely you are familiar with the excuses: "I'm just lucky", "My colleagues made most of the work, and I just helped them," and so on. People with underestimated self-esteem poorly perceive compliments and gratitude, trying to immediately argue with the praise and prove the opposite. Why? It's all about the fault complex. It does not matter what. Perhaps the work is done in their opinion is not good enough or they put little effort, fulfilling a request, even if they fulfilled it. The feeling of guilt is the next sign, on which you can define a person who does not think about himself too much.

3. Feeling guilt

The feeling of guilt, like perfectionism, may be the cause of underestimated self-esteem. As the psychologist says Darlein Lancer, in case a person feels deeply guilty and for a long time can not forgive him, he will constantly reproach himself for it, remind about his "cargo on the heart" and constantly be ashamed of his actions. Ultimately, he will lose self-esteem and along with this self-esteem.

Dependence may be inverse. A person with an understated self-esteem suffers from constant self-criticism and is not able to adequately perceive the mistakes of the past. Hence the neurotic feeling of guilt among people's insecure

4. Depression

According to the study of the Doctor of Psychological Sciences, Lars Madswalen - the reason for the depression and permanent poor mood also may also be uncertainty. According to her, self-esteem is the key to both development and cure from depression, which is considered a serious psychological problem.

5. Exchange

People with low self-esteemically justify others, even if their actions contradict all the norms of behavior. Usually they argue this by the fact that everyone has their own circumstances that everyone can understand. Psychologists explain this position attempted to avoid criticism in their address, with which it is quite possible to encounter, condemning others.

6. Lack of initiative

What really interfers to people with understated self-esteem in the professional sphere is the lack of initiative. Such a person who received certain powers, if any opportunity, will give them in other people's hands. It is not surprising, because he is not sure that he will cope with his task, even if he "AS" in his field. In the dispute with the interlocutor, he, too, can hardly defend his position, preferring to agree with the opponent.

7. Narriness

Responsibility for their decisions such people are not ready to bear. They generally prefer to decide anything. Suddenly they will make a mistake, and the solution will be wrong. In this case, it will not be possible to avoid criticism. The worst thing is the most terrible people - criticism of loved ones: relatives, friends, whom they are afraid of losing. After all, it is precisely such, in their opinion, there will be a fee for the wrong decision.

8. Attempt to avoid conflicts

"Not sure - do not climb." It is such a position that people with low self-esteem adhere to. They are ready for everything to avoid conflict situations or tensions between people. Everything should be harmonious, let it be achieved by "lies to salvation", which sooner or later leads to more serious problems.

9. Hoignity

The reverse side of the medal is found when people with underestimated self-esteem, on the contrary, show open hostility and cynicism towards others. This is just an option of a protective position, as the saying goes: "The best way to protect the attack."

10. Fatigue, insomnia, headache

Symptoms of understated self-esteem can be not only psychological, but also physical. According to psychologists, the extreme disappointment in itself leads to chronic insomnia, fatigue and headaches.