Personal zone. At what distance from each other should be communicated? What is personal space

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Everyone has a personal space, and it implies a certain comfort zone, where he feels calm and confidence. Personal territory should be unavailable for outsiders.

The Pharaohs of the Ancient Egypt did not even let me up to those who served them with faith and the truth, and in French balas, the guests danced at a certain distance from each other without touching the dance partners.

Trips in a clogged transport, large clusters of people on the streets, close apartments, annoying advertising companies - this is what constantly violates the boundaries of our personal territory in the modern world.

And how many wars were launched due to the unwillingness of one country, to reckon with the state borders of the other.

Personal space:Any animal is surrounded by some spatial zone. This zone they consider their own personal territory. How far does this territory extend? It depends on how densely populated in the field of habitat.

Everyone knows that natural instincts have a very big impact on human behavior. Therefore, a person also has its own air shell surrounding his body and its size depend on the population density of people at its place of residence, national singularities, social status in society:

Consider the average sizes of human personal space:

1. Intimate zone (from 15 to 46 cm). From all zones this main, since it is this zone that a person protects the way as if he was his property. It is mostly allowed to penetrate this zone only to people who are in close emotional contact with it.

Namely to children, parents, spouses, lovers, close friends and relatives. In this zone there is still a subzone by a radius of 15 cm, which can be penetrated only by physical contact. This is over the intimate zone.

2. Personal zone (from 46 cm to 1.2 meters). This is the distance that usually shares us when we are on cocktail - parties, official receptions, official evenings and friendly parties.

3. Social zone (from 1.2 to 3.6 meters). At such a distance, we keep from outsiders, such as a plumber or carpenter who came to repair in our house, postman, a new employee at work and from people who do not know very well.

4. Public zone (more than 3.6 meters). When we add to a large group of people, it is preferred to stand at this distance from the audience.

Now consider how you can use a personal space in psychology and communication:

1) Usually our intimate zone is violated by one or another person for two reasons. The first one is "violators" is our close relative or friend, or a person who has sexual intentions.

The second one when the "violator" shows hostile trends and inclined to attack us. If we can endure the invasion of foreign people into our personal and social zones, the invasion of an outsider in an intimate zone causes various physiological reactions and changes inside our body. The heart begins to beat faster, the adrenaline will be released into the blood, and it sticks to the brain and muscles as a signal of physical readiness of our body to battle, i.e. alert.

2) If you are friendly tapped to your hand or hug a person with whom you just met, then this can cause him a negative response to you, even if he or she will smile and so that you do not offend What she likes it.

If you want people to feel comfortable, and in the exercise of any psychomanipulative actions, keep the golden rule: you need to approach a person in stages, depending on how close you have established emotional contact with him. The warmer and more interesting conversation than intimate our relationship with other people, the closer is allowed to penetrate into their zones.

For example, the first time taken to work first time may think that the team refers to it is very cool, but they just keep it at the distance of the social zone, because he knows little.

As soon as colleagues learn better, the territorial distance between them is reduced, and in the end it allows him to move within a personal zone, and in some cases penetrate into an intimate zone.

3) The distance between two kissing can tell you about the nature of the relationship between these people. Lovers are tightly pressed with bodies to each other and are inside the intimate zone of each other.

Absolutely different will be a distance if you get a kiss from an outsider who congratulates you on the New Year, or from my husband's best friend, because both will retard the lower part of the body at least 15 cm from yours.

4) Purchase at concerts, in cinema halls, on escalators, in transport, the elevator leads to the inevitable invasion of each other's intimate zones and it is interesting to observe the reaction of people for these invasions. Many are trying not to talk, even with friends. Almost no one looks at the focus on others.

Persons impartial, thoughtful - mainly no emotion manifestation. If in your hands a book or newspapers, people are completely immersed in reading. The more closer in the transport, the restraint the movements are manifested. In the elevator, many are watching only on the floor indicator above the head.

This does not indicate that any person feels discomfort when his personal space is disturbed, because the natural unconscious instinct regards it as a threat or danger. As a result, the brain, so as not to overload yourself, goes into the light trance, and people who are not used to urban life, even at first they are lost in the crowd and forget where they are and where they go.

But the borders of personal territory exist not only at the physical level. It is because of the unwillingness of many to reckon with the borders of the partner's comfort zone and discords in marital couples occur.

It is much more difficult to determine the borders of personal space in family relationships than to protect its territory from strangers and few people.

At the beginning of the relationship, two people cut about how to fully immerse each other in their lives, they will build a joint life, but over time, the idea of \u200b\u200b"complete dedication and merging of interests" becomes less fabulous.

This is happening for the reason that each person has its own personal interests, hobbies, do not always coincide with the partner's worldview, there is a discrepancy between the concept of the comfort zone and personal space.

Each comfortable comfort area includes the opportunity to stay at a certain time alone with them, to dream alone, to think about the urgent problems, without explaining their desires to another person.

Of course, it is impossible to bring a clear line under the definition of personal territory, since all she is purely individual and you can only learn about its borders from its owner, asking directly or noticing by long experiments. But, if you want to build strong relationships, it is necessary to determine the borders of the private space of the partner in any case.

The borders of the comfort zone depend largely from the following moments:

1. From the type of character

The extroverts do not put clear borders of the personal space and may require their favorite dedication to "Holy Saints", and introverts on the contrary: very painfully perceive encroachment on personal territory.

2. From the confidence of a person in itself

Those who are not confident in themselves and are constantly experiencing that they will betray them are more susceptible to "check out" their loved ones. They strive to check email or SMS, come from work earlier than the intended time.

3. From place of residence and nationality

Residents of megalopolises, accustomed to a closed space with a large number of outsiders give less importance to the comfort zone, rather than those who are used to living in spacious homes and who surrounds a small number of citizens on the streets.

4. From the laid traditions in the family

If in the family of your beloved, it is customary to read other people's letters and answer personal mobile phones to everyone who passes by them during an incoming challenge, talking about the problems loudly, then, most likely, on your personal life will be attempted from a young man. And all your attempts to remove or point out to its incorrect behavior will be perceived at best as a joke, at worst - as the most severe insult.

In our society, not even a very educated person knows that reading foreign letters, SMS, and checking incoming \\ outgoing calls, under full ban. Some do not make it due to - "you know less - you sleep strong." Of course, there are such people who want to know everything and be aware of everything that happens in the life of another person. It is useless to fight here and remains only to change the partner.

People who have different opinions about where the person's personal space ends, they often cannot understand each other at all.

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Hello, dear blog readers Valery Harlamova! I think you have repeatedly heard the expression "personal space". But what is it? How to discover it or near a friend? And, especially what to do with this information then?

What are personal boundaries?

Each country has its own laws, norms and rules of behavior, whose violation is punished, up to prison. But how to be with a friend who can afford, drunk, call you at three o'clock in the morning, because it's boring? Or with a loved one who believes that you should not have secrets from him, so allows you to check the working correspondence or friends?

Or with the neighbors, which a year ago "lent" you have a working tool, and have the impudence to ask something else, saying that it is literally a couple of days? If all this suits you, this is one thing, but if every time you feel anxiety, anxiety and irritation - then it's time to start protecting your borders. Because you are responsible for their preservation, and not those bad and uncompatible people who do not understand that they bring concern.

Do you close the entrance door before going to sleep? So, personal space or border is a realization of the personality of its features and characteristics, understanding that it has differences from other people. It is this detacity that is the true "I", when a person knows what he rejoices, sadness, that he is angry and do not like what he wants or on the contrary, it is afraid.

And these knowledge arose in the process of recognizing themselves, if the personality is capable of listening to himself and notice itself, and not because the mother or wife said so much, so like the authorities or accepted in society.

What is personal space?

There are also zones for which it is quite realistic to measure the distance to which we let different people.

Intimate zone. As understandable by name, this is the most vulnerable place to which only close people are allowed, or those with whom you want physical contact. It is believed that it takes about 15 to 45 cm directly from the human body.
Personal zone. From 45 cm and up to 1 m, 20 cm. At this distance usually communicate familiar, colleagues, friends and so on.
Social. Distance from 1 m, 20 cm and up to 3 m, 60 cm. This area is for people strangers. Suppose, falling with them into one room, we will unconsciously keep away.
Public. Getting to the concert, lecture and similar place where a large cluster of people, we will try to keep them from about 3 meters away and 60 cm. Usually it is necessary to lecturers and artists themselves to feel at least some security.

Violation

It should be borne in mind that psychology - science is not very accurate, as the individual features of each person should be taken into account. Someone is comfortable to communicate from afar, and someone "nose to the nose." It is difficult to those people who have exacerbated feelings about security when they need some remoteness from others. After all, then at concerts they experience panic, in public transport, irritation, disgust and anxiety, the same in the elevator, at work, and so on.

Suppose every invasion is akin to slaughter, and now imagine how much a person is experiencing a person during the day? The emotional sphere in this case is creeps, a person is not able to adequately respond to the slightest stimuli, because he had to tolerate and experience stress, and for a long time. And what about being a child, whom is called a capricious, but in fact "stunned" the arms and kisses he did not want?

We noticed that there are people who like to talk when people are too close to each other? It seems to be a little move or deviate back, and this man again approaches. And it seems a good person, but the conversation with him wants to finish faster. And when something has to withstand, we are already talking about borders. After all, what prevents an obsessive person to say that it moved a little, otherwise you are not so much comfortable?

Examples of violations

It often happens that a person seems to understand this, but ready to "betray" himself in order to get something. Therefore, women can endure the mockery of their men, thinking that obedience and sacrifice will conquer their love capable of changing tyrants. Or because to be afraid to take responsibility and break this vicious circle. Loneliness scares what others will say ...

Or, for example, the employee is ready to perform any instructions, up to the point that go out on the day off, just to please the bosses that it will appreciate and be sure to increase. And you know the fables that a real friend will never quit in trouble, so I will wake up at any time of the night and will surround helping corpus and similar?

The mass of the reasons by which a person ignores his own "I", but more frequent cause is ignorance itself or the fact that everyone has the right to their opinion and personal space.

Well, here, let's say I do not like sweet, what am I now, stuffed up to match someone's expectations? No, it is only worth learn to keep the balance between your "I" and the requirements of society.

What to do?

1. Personal rules

First of all, write a list of rules for which you live. After that, carefully review each item. All suits you? Clearly, since you live so much, then, most likely, it suits, the question is a little about the other: what exactly does the feeling of tension, irritation or confusion arises? After that, think about how you can defend yourself, a little converting these rules.
Next time, communicating with someone and noticing that something is wrong, take a pause, for example, going to the toilet, and think about what exactly you touched that you reacted the anger, offend and so on. When I understood - put another limiter to the list of rules.
Remember the situation when you felt discomfort, write them down and think up your stop for each way. Because, in the so-called, "field conditions", when you have not yet learned to defend yourself - you can be confused and do not react properly. But when the reaction template is prepared in advance, the first time will be much easier to cope with the manipulations of others.

Suppose relatives are trying to influence you so that you do something as they consider fit. You can stock such phrase: "Thank you for care about me, but I know how to do it."

Or on weekends is not something that do not work, but also not to talk about it with loved ones. Saturday-Sunday - family days dedicated to the family. After 22:00 not to respond to calls. This is time to relax. Then you will stop disturbing the trifles, knowing that the phone is disabled. Do not talk about politics, as it leads to conflicts from which you are tired. In general, the meaning is understandable? Thanks to its own rules, you can protect yourself from excess stress that necessarily causes every invasion of your space.

2. Feelings

Learn to talk about your feelings. To begin with, examine what they are, because they are actually very much. After that, feeling discomfort and pressure, talk about it. Then you will be. When you do not do this, then of course scary. Even if the boundaries have always been violated, it's never too late to build them.
Even if you ask you about something close, and you, agreeing, feel tension - this is already a violation of the personal zone. Be careful to your feelings. Learning to protect yourself from manipulation will help you.

3. Contact zones

Being in public places, try to explore your zones, how much the distance can you be comfortable for various people? And then you can adjust your condition, moving away or approaching intentionally. And the next time it will be clearer, where the alarm or irritation is taken from when communicating, and how to cope with it.
Do not forget that other people are also entitled to separately, and if you want to be considered with your preferences or prohibitions, it is not necessary to react by the offend, encountering even a very close person to restrictions. For example, there is a stereotype that men are strong, and can cope with any problems for the sake of the beloved woman, even working without rest. But, like every person, the opportunity to relax and recover is vital. And everyone does it in their own way. Someone is fishing, someone knits crochet or just looks into the ceiling. Therefore, it is necessary to allow him to "shoot armor" and approach yourself in such a way that it is comfortable.

4. Value of the inner world

To easier to defend yourself, imagine that in your favorite house, a car or office, in general, the place you love is trying to get a person, all in the mud, saying that it will go literally for a couple of minutes. And you look at him and understand that then a very long time you have to clean everything and wash after it. What will you do? Most likely, ask to leave, and return clean. Right?

You will not be ashamed to say that the dirt is dripping on your clean floor or a rug? And why then with your soul otherwise handle? Why allow it to soak and leave traces that cannot be washed?

Almost any invasion is possible to anticipate, taking care of yourself in advance. As I said, it is stupid to leave the entrance door open for the night and hope that no one will dare to get into someone else's territory.

Do not want to solve work questions in your free time? Do not answer calls, if you see that you are gaining from the office. Are angry that friends will be among the nights all the time? Disconnect the sound and the problem is solved. No one must take care of your comfort. This is only your responsibility. And if it is broken all the time, think why you allow it, and how exactly.

Conclusion

And today everything, dear readers! Be vigilant, especially in relation to the physical sensations, the body will not deceive you, and will always know that he is uncomfortable, not only with tension, but also nausea, pain. So carefully follow these signals.

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Material prepared Zhuravin Alina.

Marina Nikitin

Any, even the most ideal relationship sooner or later becomes colder. And the reason for this is not the lack of love. Most often the main is the need for personal space and. The average relations pass three stages:

Stage 1. Fairy Tale

At the beginning of relations, both partners all the time pay each other. They strive to walk more often for walks, they are engaged in sports, visit friends and parties. - The question is rhetorical. One thing is clear - without the possibility of hug or at least touch your beloved person there is a feeling of discomfort, I want to immediately find out where he and what he does. During the first week or months, such relationships are similar to a fairy tale, because mutual understanding reigns between partners, they know everything about each other, the interests, habits and preferences of the second half. Communication delivers only pleasant emotions, and life will separately plunge into the longing.

Stage 2. A little weekdays

Over time, constant proximity is bored. No, love does not leave - the desire of the personal territory appears, the boundaries of which are indispensable. Partners lose interest, the need to share plans or thoughts, seek to be alone. The idea that love passed, and there is nothing surprising. After all, strong and trusting relationships cease to be the same.

Stage 3. "You do not love me!"

When such changes occur, in love it seems that the second half of them sobbed or even has a relationship on the side. Begins, control, requirements constantly be together. This behavior is most often attributed to a woman, because a man is considered more freedom and seeking independence. In consciousness, the image of a husband, going fishing or a football match, and his wife, who tries to violate these plans to break down firmly. But men, Zano defending the right to their own territory and hobbies, often infringe in this desire of women. They seek to control her contacts with friends, require that in their free time it was at home, prohibit attending parties or other events. But the representative of beautiful sex also strive for a personal space. Faced with such a relationship from a partner, they naturally require respect for equality. Very rarely after all this couple retains relationships. If it succeeds, one of the parties remains oppressed or submits, sacrificing its interests.

The main reason for these disagreements and grinding is a lack of personal space. It is also caused by children's ideas about the perfect pair, which is happy only together. In reality, such relationships are doomed to failure. It is impossible to start creating them without understanding that every person is personality, and it requires a certain amount of free time and territory. No one likes permanent control or need to report on each per minute of free time.

In addition, the basis of reliable and stable relationships. If you are sure that your loved one will not betray you and will support in any situation, checking and unnecessary questions to no effect. Otherwise, ask yourself: "Do I need such relationships?" After all, constant jealousy, and the spent nerves will not lead to the result. Calls every half an hour, hundreds of SMS messages, checking mail and hacking pages in social networks - women explain such behavior to the desire to keep her beloved, but they rarely manage to achieve the goal. The result of such relationships becomes a break.

After all, the need for a person in certain freedom is as natural as the need for communicating, respect or love. By depriving your second half the right to independence, you not only infiltrate it, but also confront your own happiness.

What should not be done if you strive for personal space in relationships:

Devote all free time

Is your chosen one goes to the match favorite team? It is not worth a hurry to buy a whistle and become a shock fan of football - Let a man be in the company of friends. At this time, you can meet with friends or to organize shopping. But even if you stay at home and read the book, you should not call your beloved or write SMS messages - it will think that you are busy with something very interesting and wants to go back home soon.

Allowed to take care

Remember how little children are shy when mom kiss or hug them in front of friends? Your second half is just as unpleasant when you feel about it with an excessive concern. No, in reasonable limits, this is good, but constantly asking an adult, whether he is not hungry or remind of a cap pointless. After all, until the meeting with you, he calmed down himself - and remained healthy, full and did not suffer from avitaminosis. Accordingly, now he is able to take care of himself.

Control

No one loves when he is trying to control it. Calls every half an hour or SMS messages a hundred times a day are able to derive even the most patient and calm person. And if you also wait for it at the entrance to work or check the location, you can forget about normal relations.

Forbid

Each person in the process of development and adults has formed their habits or hobbies. Let the partner stay as it is. With all the shortcomings and habits. After all, you fell in love with him as it is - so why redo your soul mate? If he likes every weekend to ride fishing or attend a golf club, do not insist on a joint picnic or travel to parents. Better thanks to yourself or organize a meeting with friends.

Blame

Favorite delayed at work? Or drove to friends? You should not meet him with tears, phrases "You do not love me" or a reproach. Requests for forgiveness or explanations do not add positive and do not guarantee the termination of this in the future. On the contrary, they destroy the desire to be with you nearby.

Check

Remember that the basis of a reliable relationship is trust. If you are reading your favorite SMS messages, check new phone numbers or overheard, it feels in corner. Disappointment from what they do not trust him and try to check out every word or trace every step with time love will win.

These six rules will allow you to translate attitudes to a new level by adding some trust, mutual respect and.

3 ways to ensure compliance with personal territory and make your feelings light up with a new force.

Personal territory

It's not about separate bedrooms. In the West, this tradition is very common, but we have not worried about us yet. Personal territory can be a small shelf or a separate workplace. The rule is one - only the owner can have access to it. Even if on the table of your second half the chaos reigns, do not spend cleaning there. Let his beloved or beloved know that no one will rummage in papers or rearrange things - it will make relationships in trust.

Spend time away from each other

If there are few hours on vacation in different cities or even countries, to spend just a couple of hours a day separately - the task is quite perfect. Go to fitness classes or visit the beauty salon, and your loved one will meet with friends or go hunting. At the same time, constant calls are definitely too much. Let your beloved be alone with you, and you will see that after the break you will accommodate to each other with new feelings.

Do not tell everything

Conversation is important and necessary. But there are situations where there is no desire to speak simply. It is not necessary through the power to explain the cause of such a state. It is much better to say that you want loneliness, and not arranged to conversations. If your partner loves you, he will definitely understand and will not insist.

Each pair is all folded individually. And the time that partners are conducted together depends only on their characters and preferences. But if a man and woman love each other, they will always find a compromise. Provide the partner to the territory, whose boundaries do not overtaken nobody, and free time, which he manages at its discretion. As a result, come back every day and share news will be a pleasant need, not a duty. 2-3 hours a day are useful for making it possible to miss and give new sensations. And the confidence is that your second half trusts you and is not looking for confirmation by your words, simply pleasant.

If you strive to create a relationship, which is based on mutual understanding and love, do not disturb the personal space of another person. The awareness of freedom allows both parties to feel happy and confident in each other. Do not demand from your beloved or beloved to be constantly together and do not control it / her. But do not let anyone violate your personal space - you have the same right on it as another person. Remember: Only retaining freedom and without requiring partner permanent reports, you will create a solid alliance based on trust and mutual respect.

March 17, 2014.

Despite the fact that we all live in society, each of us needs a certain space in which we can retire and feel safe. Personal space is an integral condition for the normal functioning of the psyche and the healthy psychology of each person. Therefore, issues of determining and maintaining its necessary borders are of great importance in the life of each of us.

Borders of human personal space and their violation

Personal space is a zone in which a person feels comfortable and safely. This space has two components: physical and psychological. When it comes to relationships at the verbal level, the border is determined depending on the confidence in another person. Allocate the following parameters of personal space, depending on the degree of acquaintance with the surrounding people.

15 - 45 cm - The distance that is considered comfortable when communicating with its partners, children, close friends.
0.46 - 1, 22 m Characteristic for cases when it comes to superficial acquaintance. For example, colleagues, classmates, neighbors are people with whom we keep a certain distance when discussing your personal life.
1, 22 - 3.6 m - Social zone designed to protect a person among strangers. People at the bus stop, in public transport, etc. require an increase in distance when communicating.
Distance more than 3.6 m - Public zone, which takes place when communicating with a numerous group of people, for example, during lectures, trainings, seminars.

The psychological component of the personal space is a variable value and depends on the individual characteristics of the person himself. We highlight the following indicators affecting the definition of the borders of the comfort zone.

Type of character. The introverts are usually more closed from others, preferring more time to spend in solitude. Extrazers, on the contrary, are very open and love to let in their lives of new people. They not only easily allow a stranger to penetrate their personal space, but also themselves often do not observe the boundaries of the personal space of others.
Degree of confidence. A person will not resort to receptions of violation of the borders of the personal space of others. So a husband or wife, confident in themselves, will not check phones and email from their beloved. The lower the self-esteem, the greater the person permits to disturb its own space and allows it to do to others in relation to others.

Photo: Personal human space

Place of residence. Living in a big city, a person is constantly exposed to a large number of people from the side. This leads to narrowing the borders of the personal space to create a secure zone. In a small settlement, where everyone practically knows each other, it is impossible to do this. Therefore, the border of the personal space expands.

Culture and family. There are families in which the boundaries of the personal zone are actually erased, which leads to open conversations almost on any topic. If a person grew up in a culture that respects personal space, it will be very difficult for him to openly talk about some aspects of his personal life or discuss others.

Any invasion of the personal space of people leads to irritation. Its basis is the desire to protect yourself and its comfort zone, both on the physical and psychological level. Any personal information can be used to manipulate thinner levels. Intuitively knowing about it, a person strives to create a safe zone for himself. As a result, the natural reaction of the rejection of the interlocutor arises, and in some cases even conflict. Men react more emotionally for a violation of personal space than women, which is explained by their inner instinct to be the owner of their territory.

How to save personnel person

Consider a few tips that will help us defend their personal space.

Say no. Learn to express your disagreement even in the closest people. Thus, you define the boundaries of your personal space and show that you have the right to independently election.
Give up a sense of guilt. This is one of the most effective means to manipulate others. Take your own solutions, preventing any use of yourself from the outside.
Exclude familiarity. Keep a distance when communicating with unfamiliar people and reduce the distance only after you know this person enough to trust it.
Do not try to be good for everyone. There is a category of people who from the very first minutes of dating begin to push away from themselves. Do not seek to reduce the distance with people to which the soul is not lying.
Corp the criticism. If you see that the criticism is not fair and the person is trying to teach you a life in its concepts, say that you yourself are able to answer your life and your actions. You have the right to make independent decisions, according to your vision of a situation or problem.

Expose any manipulation. The main means of manipulation are the feeling of guilt and a feeling of pity. Do not let others convince yourself that you are unfairly doing with them and must be responsible for their problems. Increase distance without giving the other to make a scapegoat from you.
Do not respond to provocations. It is very difficult sometimes not to fall into anger or not to get angry. There are people who know which words to use to bring a person out of themselves. It is necessary to remain calm and understand that sometimes it is better to be completely silent and not involved in the opposition.
Keep the physical border. If someone approached you very close, take a step or two back and ask for a person to talk at such a distance with you. Explain that the distance is best promoting a fruitful conversation.

Remove excessive frankness. Personal problems should be discussed only with proven people you trust. Do not imagine outsiders and acquaintances in the situation in which they can learn something very personal. Otherwise, thereby you will make yourself vulnerable to them.
Be valid. If someone is trying to hurt you and break your personal space, you should not be afraid to say in response to the truth to this person. He who offends you must feel on themselves that you can protect yourself and say that he is not open.

Photo: Personal human space

Personal human space is a security zone and calm. Do not disturb the borders of the personal space of other people, constantly giving your advice and interfere with their lives. Then you can easily support your personal space and do not allow others to cross the border permitted.