How to forgive insults. How to learn to truly forgive insults

The fact that the ability to forgive the offense and let go of the past is the highest spiritual gift, a lot has been said. However, some people do not see anything behind it, except beautiful phrases and winged expressions. Nevertheless, even physicians agree that it is people with "touchy" behavioral type of character are most vulnerable to diseases and heterogeneous ailment.

There is a belief, according to which a person who has a lot of negative energy over time, becomes cancer and shortens his life. And although this assumption is not investigated almost, it still has a weighty statistical attack.

People says: "It is easy to offend - forgive it is very difficult" And indeed, one who causes us spiritual pain, sometimes not thinking about how slowly we die, hatching a lump of pain, causing them.

How to learn to forgive withdrawal, former beloved, colleagues? How to find the strength to forgive and happily live on?

We abstract from what is happening

"To be offended and indignant is the same as drinking poison in the hope that he will kill all your enemies." (Nelson Mandela).

If you have done truly painful, try to create negative motivation for yourself. Close your eyes and imagine what will happen if you wear offense throughout your life?

Your offender will go on his way, definitely happier than yours;
You will constantly enter into yourself a lump of pain that will grow together with you all time allotted for you. Gradually, you will stop enjoying everything that is happening, and begin to look for one, the most destructive path is the path of revenge;
Your life will not be limited to the current mission. From your offenders you counseere their dozens, hundreds, thousands. And all this time your own "poisonous" com will accumulate, like a snowy avalanche. And, be sure, one day he will fall on a completely unhappy, close and dear person to you;
Your abundance will turn into a strong and destructive negative energy capable of killing all sorts of light feelings. You will lose joy, faith, gratitude, respect, love and loyalty. All this is absolutely detrimental for any union, even if it is extremely strong and durable. Think about what you risk solving all the fate of people who are going on about their own negative emotions;
You will project your negative on any nascent relationships, laying on them the foundation from the progenial suspicion and subconscious conflict. The touchy person can safely put a cross on personal life and intimate connections, as they will collapse, not time to begin;
You will see in each person a potential enemy, a traitor and a traitor, even if he does not deserve it at all and belongs to you with all the soul;
You will begin to revenge sooner or later. Namely, the revenge generates fatal, fatal mistakes that are able to put all your fate under Sunny;
You will definitely begin to get root, even if you have a strong health and physical condition. Thoughtful persons suffer from oncological diseases, tormented a lot before their own death. And often only on mortal apparel, they come to the mental release of sins to their opponents. They are becoming very bitterly aware that they walked their own life and not happiness.

It is useful to think about the fact that your feeling is realistic. Understand the main thing: all our negative emotions are the fruit of our same imagination. Foreign people do not exactly know about your sufferings. Just imagine - none of the seven billion knows why and why you are bad! So, your negative feeling has no material, nor even moral incarnation.

Everything is bad that you carry in yourself - the fruit is only your imagination. Your own projection of internal content. Its mirror reflection. It is worth thinking: if the world is so bad, then what are you good, and what is good you feed it?

Do not pull the fictional and past

It is also important to understand that the resentment you carry in yourself, maybe at all your fantasy. For example, you suspected your beloved in infidelity, finding the number of an outstretory girl in his phone book.

You experienced a crushing parting, shed the sea tears and wrapped the cursing curses on a young man.

You copy anger, distrust, indignation, and there was no betrayal from his side at all! That ill-fated contact in fact turned out to be only the number of former classmates or colleagues. Your man gently loved you only, and did not even think about carnal joy with other women. But your rage was destructive, and now you have lost your true happiness, leaving only anger and insult to a non-existent act.

If you are not sure about anyone's actions against yourself, you do not have any moral right to condemn a person and assign the fruits of my own spiritual promiscuity. Is it worth saying that wishing him evil and take revenge for imperfect acts and is completely criminally from you?

If your abundance has a completely real reason, and do you think to forgive your resentment or get enough revenge, stop for a second and decide whether the enemy is the offender, or the adviser? The fact is that each person appears in our life is not in vain. He either brings with him happiness or experience.

Now you burned and hurt you, but imagine how many similar stresses you can avoid thanks to this person! Mentally tell him "Thank you" and let him go. Consider your bitter experience, and boldly go through life further. It is easier to offend than forgive, but forgive and thank for a heavy lesson can only spiritually mature man.

Positive motivation

In order not to talk unfolding about how important it is to forget, accept and let go, we suggest you to perform the past task on the contrary. Just imagine how your life will be transformed if you release the situation, thank your life for a complex, but productive lesson and sincerely forgive those who did it hurt.

How to forgive insult By creating positive motivation?

From now on you can not be easy to hook and rebuild on destructive paws, you will be calm and balanced, your life will acquire new bright colors;
You will learn to enjoy simple and banal things that surround you in everyday being. Your life will be filled with high energies, and it will rule happiness;
You will be constantly accompanied by success as an integral part of the life of a strong, spiritually pure person;
You can easily build relationships with new people who feature near you. Resentment eclipses the fourth of wisdom, buys the mind and deprives adequacy. A person who is morally cleaned by destructive thoughts, looks at the surrounding more sober eyes, which means it is less likely to be mistaken in them;
You will learn on your example, how to easily forget and forgive the insult, and therefore will become even stronger for subsequent lessons;
You will become more attractive for the necessary people, as they stretch to strong and strong spiritualities without minor dependencies.

Think about the fact that a person who caused damage to you is just a person, not almight. Tell me yourself: " I forgive him, I understand his weaknesses and disadvantages, I do not demand more than it is able to give».

You will certainly feel for forgiveness and intuitively feel the correctness of your direction. You will gain self-irony, learn how to relate to your own slurries easily and constructively. You will learn to replace negative emotions by promising actions.

How to forgive the insult and truly let go of a person?

Think about how the life is speedy. Enjoy every moment and do not allow negative experiences to outpace your own happiness;
Pray. Not only about yourself and loved ones, but also about the person's blow to you. Ask God to forgive him;
Do not return mentally to your former relationship. They went through and no longer return. Put the point and go on, because there is a lot of interesting and fascinating ahead of you;
Replace insult indifference. Throw out the image of your ill-wisher from my head. It is not worthy of the concentration of your attention;
Please be kind, digesters and strangers. Help people, feel your importance in this world, get simple joys from your ability to sympathize and help your neighbor.

« Forgive all your offenders, and you pay a blessing."- no wonder about it all religions and wise teachings. Do not let your life destructive emotions and feelings. Let her love, peace, calm and harmony!

Who among us in life was offended? They criticized, did not appreciate, did not understand, they did not hear ... And here there is a resentment that sits in the heart, as a zanoz. How to get rid of it? How to forgive insult? How to forget caustic words to your address? How to survive a betrayal friend? This will teach this article.

Resentment as a means of manipulation

Some psychologists say that offense is a way to get the desired. This is especially true of close relatives. The wife, trying to teach a rapid husband, inflates the lips and "takes a vow of silence." The husband accuses his wife in the inability to keep the farm, hinting at regular meetings with girlfriends. Where do adult people have such a need to offend a loved one for personal purposes?

Psychologists say that all this is from childhood. The child who liked the toy is crying and swabs her parents. Little manipulator knows that it is bad. They know these and parents, but still buy a 25th doll or typewriter. Impossible without pity to look at the tears of your baby. This method of manipulation of others we often use subsequently in adulthood. True, it works more often with close relationships.

Why does a person offend another?

What is the main reason that one individual inflicts an insult to another? We often take offense and do not think at all about it. But humiliation and verbal insults in our address are often disguised as complement from our opponents.

Envy, unfortunately, inherent in very many people. Not many praise a person who has achieved any heights. But there will always be those who will scold him and fuck. Making his vile over us, the offender acquires a sense of self-importance. He "grows" in his own eyes. Moreover, the stronger it will be on us, the more joy and satisfying it will bring it. So why indulge him? Smile to him in response and say pleasant words. We are concerned about how to forgive the insult? Sometimes in order to do this, it is enough to understand why we are humiliated and offended.

The effects of insult

Perhaps many people sometimes happen not to forgive their enemies. Many people think: "Why should I forget the offense? My enemy will be happy if the deserved punishment does not suffer. " Learn to forgive it is necessary for yourself to keep your health. To understand this, it is enough to look at the next list of potential problems that may occur if you constantly scroll into the head unpleasant situation:

Decrease in immunity;

Problems with thyroid gland;

Depression;

Cardiovascular diseases;

Oncology;

Mental disorders;

Migraines, headaches.

At first glance, it seems an unrealistic connection between the occurrence of the data of the ailments and the mood of man. But it is worth imagining what is going on inside offended to understand it. For example, a person was heated in the bus, fired from work for no reason, insulted ... What makes most of us in this case? Some are taken to avenge, someone - drink "bitter", someone closes in themselves. But many of us beat the offense and will live on. Only here is a resentment, the tension from her did not go anywhere. Negative accumulates in our body. This will occur until negative energy finds the output. And there may be severe depression here, and the nervous breakdown, and the most complex disease, and so on. So why dig offense? You need to learn to neutralize them. About how to forgive the offense and let her go, will be told further.

How to keep calm in response to criticism?

A man sometimes perceives teaching from another person. And what about the offensive words he hears from others? Save calm in response to criticism is often very difficult. Of course, it is good in any situations to remain cold-blooded and imperturbable. But how to curb your emotions when necessary? There are several tips to help do it:

Do not answer the offender immediately. In anger, you can talk a lot of things about what then you will regret.

And then the first place for you will come out about how to save the situation, and not about how to forgive the offense. The past is not to return. An unpleasant sediment from the quarrel will remain not only at your opponent, but also you. Cut and analyze the words of the opponent. And only after that parry.

Cheat the offender in his expectations. Konstantin Kushner, Russian historian and teacher, said: "If you are offended, the enemy has achieved success." Know, the main goal of the opponent is to hurt you for living. So why do he deliver this pleasure? Smile and forgive him.

During a quarrel ask the offender: "What can I do to correct the situation?" He confused and can not answer? So he has personal reasons to talk badly. Such criticism cannot be fair.

Brilliant Erian Schulz said: "It means to agree with them to be offended by bad words." This simple phrase explains everything. Do you consider yourself so that you are trying to put your enemies? Of course not. But there is no point in proving them the opposite. It is better to move aside, leaving their words without attention.

Want to know how to learn to forgive insults? Justify your opponents. Try to get up in their place and understand why they do it. Everything is easier than it seems at first glance. One nature created so angry, the second today was offended, and he didn't care about you, the third is a unlucky day, everything falls out of the hands, and he decided to "send everything to hell," having quarreled with everyone, including . Justified? It became easier? Only pity for these poor fellow remained in the soul.

Live hereby. You need to forgive the offense on time, let go of the past and continue to go beyond my dear. Calculation on quarrels with others to good will not bring.

The main thing is the inner rod!

Only the strong spirit can save calm in response to criticism and not offended by insults and slander. Often we are experiencing about the bad words heard about themselves. At the same time, it does not matter, they told them into their eyes or behind his back. But if we know that I did not do anything bad, then why are you experiencing? The main thing is the confidence that we are right that we do fairly that the truth is on our side. This conviction gives us peace of mind, hardness, determination. The inner rod will not allow us to bend before offensive insults and slander. And we will not have questions about how to forgive the offense and let go of the past, how to forget insults to your address, how to establish relationships after a quarrel.

Exercise number 1 - revenge of the offender

Learning to forgive not so easy. Sometimes sometimes happens quite difficult. Assist to make this special exercise, for example, such as "imaginary revenge of the offender." It is as follows:

Exercise number 2 - forgiveness

Psychologists say that thoughts and words are material. Driving them, you can easily change your life in both the positive side and in the negative one. And if positive thoughts and words carry creative energy in themselves, negative produce a destructive effect. These knowledge will help us answer the main concern for us the question: "How to forgive the insult, having acquired peace and joy?" Perform this exercise is recommended for 5-15 minutes per day. It is better to do this with a partner, but you can and alone. It is as follows:

Take a convenient posture.
Loudly and emotionally repeat several times, mentally referring to your abuser: "You are good, cheerful, kind ... I forgive you for ...".
After liberation, tell me: "I forgive myself for ...".

Three ways not to be offended

Only truly strong and great people have self-control. Anyone can be offended, but only the favorites can forgive. Not in vain still Socrates said: "It is beyond the advantage of a person." And what are we worse than the great philosopher? Teach to forgive.
I will replace the insult pity. For example, our second half sharply spoke about some of our personal qualities: the husband said that the wife was well prepared, the wife "made her husband's brain" about small earnings and so on. Now we are overwhelmed by the idea how to forgive the insult to your beloved person. Let's just regret the poor man. After all, the person is offended, being in a state of anger, disorder or bad mood. And all this adversely affects his health. The offender is already not easy.
You can try to find out why people offend us. The conversation for souls will help solve an unpleasant situation.

The main thing is not to keep in yourself

Not everyone understands why we should learn how to forget the offense and forgive. But, as we have already found out, testing negative emotions is harmful to health. And the insult, anger, chagrin is, perhaps, the most negatively painted feelings. In our civilized society, it is not customary to openly express its emotions, the more negative. Therefore, many people swallowing offense, trying to pretend that nothing happened. But the experiences do not give them rest. Over time, the unpleasant situation is erased from memory, but the precipitate on the soul from it still remains.

What to do in this case? Release on time negative emotions outside so that they do not have to harm our physical and mental health. It is necessary to do it when you are at home alone. Otherwise, you can unpleasantly shock your household. You can break a few plates about the floor, knock on the pillows in the pillow, representing your offender on her place. You can just shout loud at home when you are alone. It takes only a few minutes. But you will see how easy you will after that. The world will no longer seem so dark and cruel, the offender is rough and heartless, and those surrounding - indifferent and ruthless.

Religion about forgiveness

In the Bible there are words that you need to love your enemies and thank them for those evil deeds that they do. Christian preachers teach the one who hit the cheek should be substituted with another cheek for impact, and to someone who takes over the top clothes, give a shirt. At first glance it seems that the data of the recession of the recklessness. How can you not resist shocks and thank your enemies for beatings? But it seems to be delirium only at first glance. It is important for a person to learn to forgive others for the sake of preserving his own health. An offended, frustrated, angry person is in a state of tension, constantly scrolling in the head details of the quarrel and possible ways of ignition. Negative thoughts are deprived of his joy of being. Summary of his offenders, he acquires peace and peace. No longer need to suffer and suffer. You can live on and create good things. Life is so too short to spend it on such trifles as scandals and quarrels.

Why reflect on how to forgive the insult? The mother and father should not be offended at all. These are the people whose love for children is dimensionless. As for the enemies, many people have such questions here: "Why should I forgive your enemy? Why make him good? After all, he is not fit. " In the Bible there is one wonderful place in which the following is said: "If your enemy is hungry, then it is fed. If he fell thirst, then his drinks: For, making it, you collect burning coals on your head. " There is a deep meaning in these words. It is impossible to defeat evil evil. Poor can be eradicated only with good. And then, if you know, maybe your worst enemy will become your best friend. Not in vain say: "From hatred to love - one is only one step." The Bible will tell the answer to the question of how to learn to forgive resentment. Try to be a true Christian and fulfill all the commandments set forth in it. Then in your life there will be no insults, hatred, revenge.

Prayer for the forgiveness of enemies

When it becomes especially hard, we appeal to God for help. And not necessarily know certain prayers here. You can express your words in our soul in our soul, and ask salvation from the Most High. The answer to the question of how to forgive the offense and let go, is clear. It is necessary to open and read the Bible more often, follow the commandments given in it. The Lord teaches us that you need to love your neighbor, like myself, despite anything, that you should forgive your enemies, whatever they bring to us. This is necessary first of all offended.

And the prayer with which you can contact God maybe such:

"Lord, our father, I ask you, give me strength to forgive people who offended me. You, merciful, taught us: "Love your enemies. Blessed everyone who curses you. The charity of those who hate you and pray for those who offend and drive you. " I give me peace of mind to forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing. Help me to reconcile with my soul who offended me. Let me gain joy from forgiveness. "

You need to repeat it every day. And then you will no longer have questions about how to forgive the offense. Prayer saves from empty experiences and anxiety.

How to forgive your beloved and let go?

How many tears are shed when love goes! It is very difficult after this forget the betrayal of the second half and start life again. Especially hard in such situations have to women.

These tips will teach them how to forgive the man for the offense, let go of him and start life from scratch:

Give him all his things, remove all the joint photos so that nothing has reminded you of him;

Take the vacation of the week for two and fly to warm countries to relax;

Try not to get in yourself, go to the movies, cafes, clubs, somewhere, where many people where life beats the key;

Call for the help of the best girlfriend, speak it, be heighted, you immediately take up;

Write on the sheet all the flaws of your former lover, remembering everything bad, which is connected with him, tear off the sheet and mentally say goodbye to this "scoundrel".

Aphorisms of famous people about forgiveness

Peacefully offended by all people. It is curious that famous personalities speak about this negative feeling.

Oscar Wilde: "The best way to withdraw your enemies is to forgive them."

Thomas Sas: "A stupid man does not forget anything and does not forgive, naive and forgets, and forgives, smart forgives, but does not forget."

William Blake: "It's easier to forgive the enemy than a friend."

Johann Schiller: "Forgiveness is stronger than all victories."

Gilbert Chesterton: "Invalid apology is another insult."

Henri de Monterlan: "There are people who we forgive everything, and there are such people who do not forgive anything. Those we do not forgive anything, are our friends. "

Jean Paul: "The person is beautiful when forgives himself or asks for forgiveness from the other."

George Halifax: "Conscience and memory always disagree whether to take offense."

We found out the reasons for which some people try to humiliate and insult others, and also considered several ways to forgive the insult.

How can I forgive the person who did it hurt you? Is it possible to get rid of pain that burns the soul, covers his eyes, does not give soberly thinking? System-vector psychology Yuri Burlan helps to figure out the mechanisms of resentment and forgiveness, build harmonious relationships with close people and enjoy life ...

And again this pain! The heart is compressed, it is difficult to breathe, the pulse knocks in the temples, and in his head a question: Why? Why is a native man so cruel and unfair to me, is able to hurt me, offend, offend, betray? After all, I'm on the whole soul! Life for him is ready to give!How to learn to forgive and let go of the offense?

Resentment is a very powerful negative emotion. She, as if chains, screams and immobilizes a person, does not allow to live normally and breathe full of breasts.

It is especially difficult to have a hindrance to loved ones, because we are most open with them, we are experiencing endless trust, do not wait for the trick and turn out to be vulnerable. It is not easy to forgive the insult when the pain breaks down, and the mind does not find the slightest excuse for the words and actions of loved ones.

We heard thousands of times that you need to be a smart and wise personality, be able to forgive each other, learn to forget the past to live joyfully and good. But for a person who is in captivity of the offense, all this is only empty words that sound like a mock.

How can I forgive the person who did it hurt you? Is it possible to get rid of pain that burns the soul, covers his eyes, does not give soberly thinking?

There are many tips on "How to forget the offense", all sorts of techniques that promise to acquire the ability to let go and forgive. Someone tries to read affirmations, someone in Christian poucher submits the other cheek to strike, and someone believes that it is best to strike off the offender from his life, breaking any relationship with him.

Unfortunately, in practice, these methods do not always work or help for a short time. And in the next critical situation, old resentments flare up or new, poisoning the life of bitterness and disappointment. And not everyone gets to escape, because often we are offended precisely on the closest people - spouses, parents, their own children.

System-vector psychology Yuri Burlan helps to understand the mechanisms of resentment and forgiveness, build harmonious relationships with close people and enjoy life.

Psychology of resentment and forgiveness. How it works?

It would seem that someone would not familiar with the feeling of resentment, because life will not be bought on injustice and even native people are evil and cruel, they are dotted on themselves, do not remember good, they do not appreciate what we do for them.

But in fact, not everyone thinks so, but only those who really have to be offended.

Disposability is not a disease, not a curse and not a bad habit, but a peculiar feature inherent in a certain type of people - the owners of anal vector.

These people have an exacerbated sense of justice. Any violation of equilibrium in one direction or another causes a sense of deep discomfort.

Owners are people of honor, fighters for justice and equality, they are straightforward and smell and the same expect in return.

For them, family, even, stable relationships based on mutual respect and trust are special value. For the sake of family, such a person is ready to sacrifice many. But it is very important for him to feel that close people will truly appreciate it.

Not receiving a worthy, in his opinion, confirming its merit, respect and praise, the person is offended, he experiences pain and disappointment. And the phenomenal memory given to him from nature is playing with him a cruel joke. Instead of collecting and store important information, to work out valuable experience and transmit it to the next generations, it begins to save his resentment, remembering every situation, every word, a look, an act caused pain.

In most cases, people do not seek to specially offend us, cause pain and suffering. We are just all different and from nature with the properties and desires that determine the nature, our reactions and behavior, perception of peace and other people.

It follows from this that those who surround us go through life, guided by their desires, values \u200b\u200band priorities that differ from ours.

Because of this difference of interests and all sorts of breeding and misunderstanding, giving the ground for offense, quarrels, conflicts.

Not knowing how the psyche is arranged, we look at the world and other people through the prism of their desires and needs. We are waiting that people will come with us as we would like it, or as we behave in relation to them. Not getting the desired, upset, worry, we are upset, and a person with an anal vector is offended.

Since our maximum expectations are aimed at the closest people, for those who are dedicated to all their time, attention, forces, then they are most often caused to occur.

People who need to learn to forgive, because they can not just take and snatch out of the heart, delete from memory, these are ours -

parents, especially mom,

spouses or beloved

children.

How to forgive the closest people? Mum

The most native person who gave us life is mom. And in front of it we are in non-demand debt. In a person's life with an anal vector, Mom plays a special role. Mom is not just a family, a person who provides comfort and care that gives a sense of security and security, it creates a connection between generations, is a bridge that binds the owner of anal vector with such valuable and expensive past. It is associated with its first life experience, the ability to build relations with other people.

It happens that the mental properties of mom and child coincide. It means that when she will look at his child through its value system, through the prism of his desires, then she will not have internal contradictions and problems with the child. And he will feel comfortable in the family.

And on the contrary, if the mother has, for example, it has opposite properties. She is flexible, knows how to do everything quickly from nature and can begin to customize his baby, pull, rushing, wait for quick results from him where he needs time to think or adapt to the new situation.

The child falls into stress, his reactions are slowed down even more, it is difficult for him to focus, and most importantly - it hurts and insulting that his beloved mother does not understand his state, does not feel the discomfort experienced by him, it does not come to the rescue, but, on the contrary, it requires it impossible. The situation is aggravated if she also does not notice the efforts and efforts of his baby, forgets to praise and appreciate the results of his labor.

Children's soul in confusion, the resentment is crucial, which the child does not even realize, can not be admitted to it. After all, Mom is a man whom he considers holy, unmistakable. And how can I forgive and let go of the insult, if a person does not even know her? He carries her in himself constantly, insult affects his whole life, grows and multiplies.

The owner of the anal vector is inclined to generalize the events taking place with him. The first bad experience of a relationship with my mother will be projecting on other people: "What to expect from others if my own mother does not understand, does not appreciate, does not praise."

Understanding the nature of the psyche of her mother, her desires, characteristics of character, the conditions that influenced her life gives an understanding of the reasons why she behaved in this way.

She did everything that he considered the right and necessary, which was in her power and answered her essence. She is not guilty that he did not understand himself or a child.

When awareness comes, then the question of forgiveness exhausts itself. We are not letting the offense - she let go of us.

How to forgive your loved one? Paired relationship

A similar scenario is played and in relations with spouses and loved ones. According to the laws of nature, people who have different properties and qualities are most often drawn up to each other. On the one hand, it is historically justified, because such partners, complementing each other, create a steady pair that can survive and grow offspring. On the other hand, the differences and incomprehension of interests, desires and values \u200b\u200boften cause misunderstanding, lead to conflicts, quarrels and insults.

For example, a woman with an anal vector prefers an unhurried course of life and home comfort, it is crystal and predicted to her spouse. A skin partner needs a movement, novelty of sensations, a change in the situation, and in the absence of implementation at work, it can search for changes in the form of flirting on the side. Treas will enrades his spouse in the puchin of suffering and pain.

How can I forgive man and get rid of the offense if he broke your heart? About forgiveness and speech can not be! The insult on the man in the indoorance is dug in the heart, does not give live, eager to change. Nothing brings relief. Relationships turn into a daytime nightmare, in an endless series of offenses and accusations, pain and disappointment. If the family disintegrates, bad experience is fixed for life, forcing the potential traitor in each person to see a potential traitor.

Understanding yourself and its partner, you can learn how to build qualitatively new relationships based on mutual trust, respecting each other's differences. What is the trifle for us may be of great importance for your loved one. If you remember this, it is no longer difficult to turn off the light, cover the tube toothpaste or put the slippers. We stop contraact, and begin mutuallyact, move towards each other, thanks to which all possible reasons for misunderstanding and offend:

How to forgive and let go offense? Children

Special value for the owner of the anal vector are children. It is important for him to give them the best, to bring up with good people, to instill a tradition tested by the time, teach everything that can himself. He is confident in her right and wants to be the best parent for his child. Trying to support your indisputable authority in the eyes of children and become an example for them. And therefore it is so painful going through, angry, it is offended when they are not at all hurrying to be like her father, follow his advice, to follow his footsteps.

How to learn to forgive your children and get offended when their behavior goes against parental ideas about life, contradicts his desires?! The parent with an anal vector is waiting for obedience, respect, worship by children, and what does not correspond to its expectations is perceived as a negative, wrong, hostile, causes misunderstanding and gives the ground for offense.

It is very important to understand that we look at our children through ourselves, trying to impose their views, habits, interests, their perception of life - when their perception can be different from ours.

Not knowing how the psyche arranged, not aware of the differences between their properties and desires of children, despite all the love and good intentions, parents often make mistakes, preventing children to grow and develop their lives.

Children are not at all like parents. They have other desires and aspirations, and they live at another time. The fact that in childhood filled us with joy and pleasure is already unable to satisfy the demands of our children. What we could only dream of, for our children has long been the usual reality. The world is rapidly developing, and the volume of desires increases with it, which are "motor", the key to the development and movement forward.

Understanding its true needs, desires and the difference between our children from us, we can help them develop their natural talents and abilities, take place in life and become happy.

How to learn to forgive and let go of the offense: Results

Gives knowledge about the conference of the psyche, about what drives us and the people around us. Helps, false beliefs, unrealized expectations, teaches to perceive people as they are.

We do not take offense on your favorite cat for the fact that she does not sing the nightingale, and the loyal dog does not know how to fly, "we stop offended to be offended by the fact that they do not possess those or other qualities.

The ability to forgive and release the resentment is being studied with the skill to think systemically. The new worldview gives the ability to adequately perceive itself and other people, understand the motives of their behavior, foresee their reactions and manage them.

No longer need to save and multiple your resentments, suffer or enter plans for revenge, it is better to send energy to something important, interesting, useful - to study the "system-vector psychology" Yuri Burlan.

Corrector: Natalia Konovalova

The article is written on the materials of the training " System-vector psychology»

Do you know that resentment can destroy your physical health?

She flashes spontaneously in response to criticism, to insult, on misunderstanding ...

Every day you have there are dozens of reasons to be offended On loved ones, friends, colleagues.

You are waiting for them to support, praise, and as a result you get completely different.

A sharp feeling of injustice it hurts you And at that very moment the insult is there like here. Words as if stuck in her throat, heart shrink.

Familiar sensations, isn't it?

Hurtness is able to eat you from the inside and deprive the joy of life.

Should I give offense such power over yourself?

If you still continue to be in captivity of your own offense - this article is for you.

9 steps to accept and release offended

Let's deal with why you are offended and how to get rid of the offense. And most importantly, let's start acting now!

Highlight for half an hour of time to stay in solitude and reflect with a pencil in hand over answers to simple questions.

Ready? Then begin! First, we find the reference point.

What happens in your life now?

Answer yourself as fair as possible:

How often do you get offended?
Who are you offended most often?
Remember the situation in which you are offended.
What hooked you?
What did you feel in relation to the offender?
What did you experience in relation to yourself?
How often in thoughts do you return to this episode?
What emotions arise in moments when you again and again scroll into memory this event?
What further actions led you a feeling of resentment?

Let's summarize some results:

In a situation that you remembered, probably, Did not get what expected!

From your point of view with you Enjoyed unfairly And at that moment you experienced a spiritual and even physical pain.

Perhaps you wanted to prove the offender his wrongness and even punish it.

Returning mentally in that situation you are more and more feel unhappy. From your life, joy evaporated somewhere. The physical condition leaves much to be desired.

The output suggests itself: everyone has different situations, and the result looks about the same.

Why are you offended from time to times?

Remember how little children behave when they do not get what they want?

Right!

They pour sponges, start to cry out loud, heat up with legs.

Sometimes they turn away and demonstrate their unwillingness to talk with the "offender" or throw in the "offender" words: You are bad!

An adult seems to be needless to "stupid with legs", but the essence of behavior at the time of the insult is obvious. We all come from childhood!

And this mechanism is triggered in each of us to one degree or another.

It is built into our subconscious and often issues Automatic reaction in the form of resentment. With this sense, almost every person is familiar with this.

What is important to know an adult man about the dangers of resentment?

Offense do not disappear by ourselves. They have the ability to accumulate.

If you draw an analogy with a computer, it looks like this:

The site you are viewing, after closing disappears from the computer screen, but ... it remains in the history history. And the computer sometimes refuses to work normally while the user will not clean the story.

When the vessel is overwhelmed, your body also refuses to work in normal mode and begins to give failures In the form of scandals, poor well-being, pain in the physical body, spiritual devastation.

Then your subconscious is able to pull the full collection of your writings called "insult" to the light of God. And you feel even more unhappy.

The circle closed ...

How to break the vicious circle of offense?

Step 1. Admit that you played

Admit to yourself right now that you have played in the kindergarten "I was offended, I did not understand me, I did not appreciate" (you can continue) and your behavior resembles The behavior of a small childAlthough childhood has long been behind.

Step 2. Admit that you are the author of your resentment

Admit to yourself right now that you and only you are the author of his resentment.

And if something hurt you in the behavior of another person, then try to figure out what exactly. Look at it from the standpoint of an adult.

Take the fact that your offender could be good reasons To behave in relation to you exactly as happened.

To do this, scroll into your memory moments that preceded your insult.

Look at yourself as if from the side. Whether everything was there how do you imagine it.

An example from the life of the student of the Reincarnation Institute:

"There was a long-standing resentment on the parents when she decided to make me a surgery to remove GRAND, they assured me that it did not hurt and I easily suffer. But I was very painful, and I was offended by my parents, since it believed that they had to tell me the truth.

After reviewing the situation from above, I saw the eyes of the soul, I saw for what I needed this situation to understand how wounded our body, I, that I need to take care and love.

I saw how my parents love me, how difficult it was for them, knowing the truth, tell me that it was not hurt, but it for my good, T. To. otherwise I would simply be able to surrender, and it was I needed. "

Step 4. Aware what happened

Remember the Gold Rule: Never do not make decisions In a state of acute resentment.

Let yourself calm down a little, realize what happened.

Step 5. Observe your expectations.

Try to explain to yourself what did you wait from your interlocutor At that moment and why did he, in your opinion, should have done this way?

For example, our student Anastasia Ya found such an answer for himself:

"I found my child injury, she is so small in terms of an adult, I painted the walls in the house, after repair, the paint remained, such a beautiful blue, green and burgundy, I painted flowers, trees, dog, and adults, when returned home Of the guests, they began to scold me and put in the corner.

And found the answer in this lesson that they love me, even when they scoldAnd you can make such bold actions, it's not so scary! These beautiful, painted walls I remember until now. "

Step 6. In any case, you should not be offended

Think if the fact that you heard in your address is not true is it worth offended?

And if you heard the truth about yourself, so it is enough to offend funny!

Step 7. Release resentment

Do not make offense. They need to let go!

Otherwise, they are able to destroy your body. Mental aggression is included. Thoughts in which you punish the offender, deplete your immune and bone system.

Therefore, trust the paper your feelings, emotions, thoughts.

Imagine that you write the letter to your offender, and then burn it. The main thing is, as they say, release steam!

Step 8. Speak about yourself

Learn to conduct dialogue And to inform the interlocutor about what you feel at the moment. "I feel irritated when you talk about it" instead of the phrase "you annoy me", etc.

Step 9. Forgive the offender

Learn to forgive!

Shocking facts about forgiveness

Fact # 1.

Forgiveness need for goodbye, that is, you and not offender.

The offended considers himself right and not experiencing any unpleasant feelings from the fact that you do not forgive him.

It turns out that you are suffering only. So forgiveness you need!

Fact # 2.

If there is no desire to forgive, then you should think what benefit you get For yourself, continuing to be offended.

For example, high attention to my person, I sympathize, I regret me, etc.

Fact # 3.

Forgiveness does not mean justifying a deed offender.

The act of forgiveness in this case is not an attempt to return the situation or the relationship into the previous state.

This is an act of your liberation.

Fact # 4.

Forgiveness Not reconciliation.

Forgiveness does not depend on another person, this is just your decision.

That is why you can free yourself from the resentment and forgive the person who is not near or even a deceased person.

Fact # 5.

Forgiveness is not a feeling.

it The internal work process As a result of which the feeling of liberation and ease arises.

Meditation forgiveness

Right now I suggest you pass short meditation "forgiveness".

Take care that no one distract you.

Share your results in the comments!

Congratulations! You correctly decided that the offense should not have power over you and launched the internal work process.

Nine simple steps indicated you the direction in which you need to continue moving.

In meditation, you were filled with a sense of freedom and ease, in which a person is not burdened by the load of the offense.

If you are ready to continue the path of knowledge of yourself, we will be glad to see you among the students of the 1st year of the Reincarnation Institute.

With offend it is very difficult to live. It brings more harm offended than the offender and deprives him of restoring the spiritual balance. But for some reason, many people tend to holy and cherish their resentment, exaggerate them and lengthen their list of offenders instead of forgive the insult and let go of negative thoughts and feelings.

Any offender - an ordinary person with his problems and the right to make a mistake. It happens that the offender does not even suspect that he offended by a person, and offended thinking about insulting day and night, hatching the plan of revenge, and may even provoke his thoughts to the emergence of a psychosomatic disease.

Offense - This is a difficult feeling, it combines many other negative feelings, of which the main two:

angeraiming
a pity in relation to yourself.

Many psychologists are convinced that the insult is egocentric feeling. When something is wrong, it is expected, it is expected or thinking and does not work to control or manage what is happening, the vulnerable pride of the egoist provokes offense.

The whole essence of the resentment becomes clear if you know three of its basic mental components:

Building expectations. The man begins to wait and want from another committing some particular act. As a rule, he does not report this expectation or suggests that this is so saying. But another person has its own inner world and their thoughts, and they cannot (and should not!) Sociable all 100% with the thoughts of anyone, even if the closest person is.

Absolutely all interpersonal conflicts of any nature and plan have a common "root" - inability of people talk together! Inability to talk with a partner, spouse, colleague, parent, child, a friend creates countless difficult problems.

Instead of inventing the "brilliant plan", silently wait for another person to read thoughts and will certainly go according to the plan, it is better to talk to him, find out what he wants and how he plans to do. If there is love, respect, acceptance, there will be no manipulations, intimidations, ultimatums and scandals.

Giving another person freedom of action and allowing him to do as he wants (but he has full right to it!), And not imposing his point of view or a line of behavior, you can protect yourself from the offense.

If we take a rule installation That's nothing to wait for anyone and hope only for yourself, but if necessary, talking about problems, offenses will not arise.

Resenting better warnrather eliminate, and the best - not to be offended at all. True, this is a difficult ability, it is not easy to raise him in himself.

Many hub - one solution

The insult is very strong and destructive in its essence. It prevents the emergence of positive feelings and kills those that is. Worse resentment can only be revenge. This feeling and act can radically change the life of a person for the worse.

Resentment is different:

Insult natural reaction On the unfair caused by chagrin or insult.

The person is offended because his feelings are listed, convictions, his "I", when he notices in the actions of the offender inequity towards himself, deception, betrayal, ungratefulness. Anger in such an offense can be called righteous anger, but even he does not justify the need to keep negative emotions, and even more so to enter the place of revenge.

Based on such a resentment, some internal benefit lies, the person is offended specifically to get it. In essence, this is a remedial manipulation. It is born of thoughts like this: "I'm better than everyone and everyone must obey me," "Remember how you offended me? You do not want to take a guilt? "," If you don't do as I say, be offended and then you will be worse! ".

Insult formal reaction. The conditions for the occurrence of such a resentment are dictated by traditions and culture of society. People with Deets are assimilated on what you need to be offended, but what is there, "what is good and what is bad?". If the child gets used to offended and without, and at the same time too proud, he grows touchy. Sometimes, without feeling offended, people demonstrate only because in this case it is customary to be offended.

There is only one universal tool From any kind of offense - overwhelming forgivefor the sake of your own good to keep yourself and return peace comfort.

But whether it is worth keeping the relationship with the offender - this is a question ambiguous. Sometimes, offensive deeds sign that the established relationships are devastating and it is better to stop. In other words, sometimes you need not only forgive, but also to let go of a person.

Five steps to forgive

For forgiveness, many wisdom, strength and unconditional love. For a good, man shows kindness, humanity, love for people and to itself. It is precisely and above all of the love for yourself you need to learn to forgive insults.

Easy to say about forgiveness, it is difficult to forgive. Sometimes it seems that everything went and was forgotten, but with the slightest possibility of memories are born in the head and provoke offense. How to forgive once and forever?

PrimarilyTo be able to forgive, you need to want it. And it means to discard the pride, stop praising yourself, stop manipulating and use the "privileges" of an offended person, stop cheating and justify your "righteous anger".

Secondly, you need to think about those negative consequences that entail a resentment:

constant stress, inner malice, indignation, pity, depression and the mass of other negative;
deterioration or breaking relationships, prolonged conflicts, quarrels, other;
health problems (decrease in immunity, heart problems, thyroid gland, headaches).

Realizing that harm that can be resentment, it is easier to let it go, and make a decision to continue to enjoy life.

Thirdly, the desire to forgive requires changing the relationship to the offender as an enemy or villain on a more humane. You need to try to find or come up with an offender excuse. To judge and finish the fate of the offender offended not in the right, revenge and Samuda are unacceptable. To establish justice and justice there are relevant government agencies. In all other cases, faith will come to the highest justice.

Fourth, Analyze the offense according to the "Waiting - Real Events" scheme - comparison. What did you want? What happened? What did not fit the expectations in the behavior of the offender and did not like it?

Reflections on these issues will help to see their egoism, mistakes, root causes; Understand yourself and most importantly, to understand what you need to change my behavior, thoughts, installations to no longer be offended in such a situation.

FifthExtract a life lesson from the situation offense. Thoughtful in resentment, you can help yourself cope with psychological problems. Perhaps the situation of resentment arose precisely because it was time to figure it out and work on yourself? Perhaps the offender and the situation of resentment only served as an indicator that exposed the difficulties and indicated on the path of development?

There are a lot of techniques and techniques to help forgive the offender and release the situation of resentment.

There are special exercisesHelping to let offense. Here is some of them:

Also to take offense helps:

affirmations, prayer, meditation - any words and actions containing installation for forgiveness;
humor, the ability to make a resentment;
an example of other people who managed to forgive the offender in a similar situation.

The smaller the abundance and the "fresh", the easier it is to get rid of it on their own. In more complex cases, when the insult is too large, it is no longer just a feeling, but psychological trauma. If the insult was accumulated for a long time, too hard and so difficult that it would not be possible to cope with it, you should seek help to a psychologist.

Read the psychological literature about the insult:

Yu. Morozyuk, S. Morozyuk "10 steps of healing from resentment. Workshop on the development of sanogenic thinking "
A. Whiton "without fear, anger and offense. Learning to forgive "
I. Vagin "Anger, insult, revenge and betrayal"
T. Zinkevich-Evstigneeva, D. Frolov "Better to light a candle than scolding darkness, or as a good person, not to give myself offense"
H. E. Rankel, J. Rank