How to explain to a child that parents cannot live together. Divorce of parents for a child: advice from a psychologist. How to explain the divorce of parents to a child? The impact of parents' divorce on children Correctly explain to the child that parents are getting divorced

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Coping with such a stressful situation as divorce is extremely difficult even for adults, what can we say about the condition of children who unwittingly become participants in these events. And if we take into account that parents, trying to explain what is happening, splash out on their children their own experiences and not always personal statements about the other side of the conflict, then the child gets a double portion of negativity and emotional intensity.

It is no secret that it is children who sometimes become the culprits of broken relationships in the mouths of divergent parents. Someone in the baby seems to have the features of a now hated spouse. The burden that falls on the shoulders of a child when his parents divorce affects his entire subsequent life, and sometimes causes problems with education and self-esteem.

The impact of divorce on children

Without a doubt, children of different ages have different impressions of events on each other. They also explain the separation of their parents in their own way.

Child's reaction to parents' divorce

Parents who decide to divorce will have to prepare not only for their own experiences, but also for children's emotions. Moreover, if adults can control their feelings, then sometimes the baby cannot fight them. Hence the nervous breakdowns, and violations of the physical condition, all kinds of ailments and even serious diseases.

The expression of emotions can be unpredictable. From stormy joy to anger or hysteria. You need to prepare for everything.

So what can a baby experience:

Communication with a child

First of all, you need to calm down as much as possible so that the already worried child does not receive an extra portion of emotions. A calm conversation, taking into account the age and condition of the child, will help not to lose mutual understanding and calm the baby.

You need to talk heart to heart with the child, explain what changes in life can await him. It will be more correct if the family gathers in full force. Both parents will give the little person confidence that nothing terrible is happening to him. Starting a conversation when the baby is upset or worried is not worth it, so as not to aggravate emotions. And a pre-written plan for such a joint conversation will not let you get away from the topic and will help express all the necessary thoughts. In some cases, it is better to contact a psychologist and talk with the child in his presence. It is important to create an environment where the child will feel protected. It was not the parents who came to him for help, understanding and advice, support, sensitive guardianship and love are needed by the baby himself.

After a divorce, whatever the state of mind of the parents, the child needs constant attention even more than before the separation of the parents. If adults feel that their own psychological state cannot allow them to continue to communicate with the baby, they should urgently seek professional help. Otherwise, both the psyche of an adult and an innocent child will suffer.

The child is not a psychotherapist

No matter how difficult the divorce is, no matter how bad or good the spouse who left the family does, an adult cannot, succumbing to a storm of emotions, pour out all his feelings on the children. You should not retell the details of the conflict, ask for understanding from the child and force, perhaps unwittingly, the child to be a judge in a dispute between divergent adults.

How often these same adults, not noticing the children nearby, throw incredible mud at each other. Which side should the child choose in this case? Who will shout louder or slam the door?

More often, the child remains on the side of the mother, who, in response to insults, begins to react in a feminine way, to cry. The authority of the father collapses, and then respect and pity for the mother may also disappear in the same way. She herself made such a mistake when she married him ...

The child will not be able to fully understand the motives of the actions of adults, and relationships with him can be lost very easily and for a long time. To prevent this, you need to talk with the baby in his language, taking into account his interests and both parents, no matter what claims they make to each other in court.

Life after divorce

Restoring a normal family life after a divorce is difficult. A woman has to take on all the responsibilities and concerns that were previously shared between two spouses. To stretch the financial situation of the family and provide all its members with well-being, attention and comfort, a woman needs to be very strong.
Breaking loose in such a situation is quite simple, but it is important to avoid the most common mistake when the baby becomes a vest for the outpouring of tears, emotions and accumulated fatigue. It’s hard for him himself, it’s not worth it to shoulder a load on his fragile shoulders, which he is clearly beyond his strength.

Another mistake of mothers exhausted by divorce is the double charge of severity and educational impulse that a woman in the absence of a man intends for a child. This can result either in maternal dictatorship, or, conversely, in excessive pampering of the baby. In both cases, the fault lies with the woman, and both she and the child will have to reap the benefits in the future.

New life

Of course, it is better for children to grow up in a complete family, but in the case of constant quarrels and a showdown, this statement can be disputed. The breakup of a family affects everyone in different ways, but according to the statistics of deep wounds that affect the future of children, it does not bear. Worse, when the kid lives in daily showdowns.

A vicious stereotype of the family is formed and consolidated, which a child can transfer into his adult life.

And after the divorce, the child is discouraged, knocked out of his usual way of life and feels unusual. He needs to get comfortable. And at the slightest suspicion of a deterioration in the state of mind of the baby, it is better to go to a child psychologist.

In the first six months after breaking off relations with an ex-spouse, it’s good if the baby’s lifestyle is not full of abrupt regime changes, moving, changing impressions. The child needs to understand that his position is stable, and nothing will prevent him from communicating with his father, grandfather and grandmother. If such communication is difficult, then it would be reasonable to ask for help from male relatives who are familiar to the baby. Attention at this time the baby needs more than ever, as well as heart-to-heart conversations with the baby.

It is easy for an adult to figure out what owns him, what hurts his soul or suffocates resentment. Such an analysis is more difficult for a child, here the task of parents is to find out in time the cause of psychological discomfort.

You will have to break through not only through anger or fear, but also through distrust of adults. And the result of painstaking work with the baby will be noticeable when the little person has confidence that he will not be abandoned, that he is loved and greatly appreciated, that his parents will not stop taking care of him, even living apart, and both are responsible for his future.

: Reading time:

Nobody is safe from divorce, but you can tell your child about it in different ways. Shared tips for parents family psychologist Samotsvetova Maria.

Statistics against a fairy tale: not all couples live happily ever after, almost half of families get divorced. Of course, no one thinks: "We'll live a couple of years, and then you can get a divorce." Spouses long and painfully go to such a decision and themselves can hardly survive a divorce.

Separation in a family with children is a separate problem. In this case, there are much more resources and patience to prolong the deceased marriage for the sake of the child, but sometimes divorce is inevitable. A difficult decision has been made, a difficult question arises: how to tell a child about a divorce?

What should I say. How to inform children about divorce

The first thing that adults should remember in this situation: yes, they are no longer spouses, but they will remain PARENTS forever. They will have common grandchildren. They are now connected not by marital, but by parental relationships that will last until the end of their lives!

Having survived a divorce, the former spouses must remain colleagues, allies, who are connected by one goal - the happiness of their common child. Parents should convey this message:

“Yes, we are no longer husband and wife, we no longer live in the same apartment and do not sleep in the same bed, but we will always remain your mom and dad.”

And repeat this thought in different variations a million times.

The main idea: the child does not lose one of the parents, the child does not lose the family. Yes, the structure, “appearance” and functioning will change, but the child’s family remains! It also involves communication with all relatives on the part of the "leaving" parent. That is, if the son went to his grandmother from his father's side in the village for the summer, then divorce should not change this.

Yes, they are no longer spouses, but they will remain PARENTS forever. They will have common grandchildren. They are now connected not by marital, but by parental relationships that will last until the end of their lives!

What happens to the child. How does divorce affect children?

Understanding how to behave and what to say is easier if you understand how the divorce of parents affects the child.

It has been proven that the separation of the spouses brings the child less moral experiences than the daily observation of the parents' quarrels. It has been proven that it is better for a child to live with one but happy parent than with two unhappy ones. Of the two evils, the child's psyche clearly prefers divorce to constant tension in the family.

There is no “ideal” age for experiencing a divorce - in any case, a child will experience that at four, that at fourteen, that at twenty-four.

It is difficult for children to perceive the news and talk about the separation of their parents. Therefore, do not expect fun games or normal behavior from the child. Most likely, the child will begin to behave differently: play more or less, cry more often or laugh more often, become more aggressive or sensitive to aggression. All this is normal behavior for a child who is going through a divorce of his parents. Be patient and give it time.

Divorce painlessly will not work

If a couple asks me how to divorce painlessly for a child, I say bluntly - no way! The main task of parents is to help the child cope, survive.

Yes! The child WILL experience and suffer, this thought must be accepted. Divorce is not a holiday, and will affect all family members.

How to behave as parents. How to prepare a child for a divorce of parents

1 Find out the relationship when the child does not see or hear it. If the parents divorce, the children should suffer the least. Therefore, in order not to aggravate children's experiences, take all quarrels, tantrums, resentments, and swearing out of sight of the child. And even better - in the office of a psychotherapist. This is the best thing you can do when thinking about how not to hurt your child in a divorce.

2 Speak calmly about each other or keep silent at all. Also, after a divorce, ex-spouses should not throw mud at each other in front of a child. Whatever dad is “a goat that went to another”, the child should not hear this. When he grows up, he will understand everything and re-evaluate the divorce of his parents from an adult position. Now the task is to help him survive the separation in the family. Devaluing a father is no help.

3 Prove to the child that the reason for the divorce is not in him. Very important: parents should hurt themselves, but let the child understand that he is not the reason for the divorce. The psychology of a child during a divorce of parents is such that he can blame himself for this (more often, this is diagnosed at 5-6 years old).

Both dad and mom should say a thousand times, and as sincerely as possible, that they are not getting divorced because of him. Divorce is an adult matter and an adult decision, and children have nothing to do with it. Babies don't always realize this.

4 Speak only when you are sure of your decision to divorce. It is necessary to tell the child about the divorce when this decision is fully accepted and agreed between the spouses. Not when you are still thinking or doubting, not when the wife “scares” her husband with a divorce, but when everything has already been decided. But! In advance of departure. Not in a week, and not when dad is standing with suitcases at the door, but in a month - a change of residence or composition of residents should not be a shock for the child.

You must do this together, at home, in a safe and calm environment. Not in between, not at dinner, and not before school. Do not be afraid that the child will start to cry, and do not be afraid to cry in front of the children yourself (this is generally very useful). Divorce is always a difficult experience for all family members.

5 Prepare answers to questions. Most likely, the child will start asking questions - prepare the answers in advance. Who and where will live, how often you will see what will happen for the new year and his birthday. Ignorance breeds anxiety, so inform your child as much as possible.

It's best not to say why. How to explain the divorce of parents to a child

Another question that accompanies divorce is how to explain to children? In fact, it is reasonable to simply put the child before the fact: "We are no longer husband and wife." This can also explain the divorce: "We no longer want to be husband and wife." Reasons for divorce are not a topic for children's ears.

Adult explanations such as “mom found a new man”, “relationships are dead”, “we have irreconcilable contradictions” or “I can’t forgive him after infidelity” are completely unnecessary for the child. It is enough to convey to the child that this is “we decided so”, “this is our adult decision”, and not to explain to him the reasons for parting.

It’s also good to give some positive example of a divorce from the environment: “Like Petya, his mom and dad are no longer husband and wife, and they don’t live together because they got divorced.”

It is reasonable to simply put the child before the fact: "We are no longer husband and wife." Adult explanations to the child are not yet needed.

Parents should show their child their regret and sadness about the divorce: “we are very, very sorry that this happened”, “none of us wanted this, but this happens”, “we are also sad about this”. Mandatory phrase: “Yes, we no longer live as before, BUT WE LOVE YOU ALSO STRONGLY AND THIS IS FOREVER!”.

What not to do:

• accuse one of the spouses of divorce;
• say “we no longer love each other” - the child may think that they will someday stop loving him;
• saying “it will be better this way” is not entirely true, because at first, no one will be better off from a divorce.

If, for example, the father left for another, it is not worth introducing the child to a new woman right away - enough time must pass. It is better to do this with preparation and on neutral territory. Otherwise, a new psychological trauma is possible.

Often parents are tormented by a sense of guilt in front of the child. Well, you have to admit - you are to blame. But this is not the first, and not the last your fault. Each parent will have a whole book of stories of wrong or unhelpful decisions and actions for the child. And that's okay! We are not perfect. And our parents didn't always do the right thing for us, but childhood experiences didn't destroy or break us. This is life and it happens!

1. Convey the idea: “Dad and mom break up, but remain your parents, we will always be a family.”
2. Talk to your child about your experiences and theirs.
3. Do not be afraid to play with the child in games that can become more aggressive.
4. Be comfortable with sadness and feelings of loss in a child; do not try to amuse him endlessly, do not send him to "unwind" in the camp or at sea.
5. Protect from family quarrels and showdowns, you need to sort things out outside the home, ideally with a psychotherapist.
6. Temporarily reduce requirements (housework, academic performance).
7. Warn kindergarten teachers or teachers at school.
8. Make sure that the child can always contact the departed spouse (call by phone, meet).
9. Don’t give and don’t cajole (this still won’t get rid of guilt)
10. Try to preserve family traditions and customs as much as possible. For example, if dad always read aloud before going to bed, and now he has left, let him read fairy tales on the phone.

"Divorce" is a bitter word. Even if the decision was made by mutual agreement of the spouses, and no matter how civilized the separation takes place, in any case it is not painless.

Almost always in the conflict, one way or another, both sides are to blame, but there is also a third party, absolutely innocent - children.

How children of divorced parents suffer

The child loves both mom and dad, he realizes himself only in inextricable connection with them. And suddenly this connection breaks off ... What can a defenseless baby feel at the same time?

Oddly enough, the range of children's experiences in a situation of divorce of parents is very diverse. The child can take events for granted, at least outwardly without showing any mental anguish.

Some children suffer so much that they end up becoming seriously ill physically. Experienced stress often manifests itself in tearfulness, tantrums, aggressiveness and various fears.

Sometimes the child begins to write, as if trying to return to "childhood". Most often, the child is “covered” with a guilt complex. He is not yet able to understand the true reasons for the breakup of the family, so he begins to blame himself for what happened.

“I’m bad, so dad left” - psychologists are well aware of such an attitude, which in the future will come back to haunt the current child more than once in the formation of his personality and the arrangement of his own personal life.

How to tell your child about divorce

It is extremely important to communicate the separation of parents at the appropriate time. In no case should you "run ahead of the locomotive."

Talking to a small child about a divorce is possible only when the decision is made finally and irrevocably.

Of course, doubts and hopes may not leave each of the two adults for a long time, but still, at the time of the conversation with the child, it is desirable to be sure of the fact of parting.

Children are very sensitive to our condition and our uncertainty. Extra empty hopes for them will turn into unnecessary pain and disappointment. No matter how painful it is for mom or dad, they need to gain strength and talk with the child about divorce, as an unpleasant event, but inevitable, and most importantly, normal.

Let divorce be difficult to call the norm (although, alas, statistics say exactly this), but parents must show the child that nothing unnatural and terrible happens in life.

The main idea that you need to try to instill in the child is that life goes on. Mom and dad both loved him and will always continue to love him, even from afar. Parents divorce only with each other, not with the child.

Some moms and dads, by the way, also benefit from realizing this and acting accordingly.

speak the truth

Some especially "compassionate" parents prefer to keep the child in the dark about the events taking place in the family. Stories about "long business trips" and other similar versions are used to explain why now mom and dad are not together.

The desire to sweeten the pill is understandable - no parent wants to hurt a child. But do not underestimate children's intuition. Children will always, even if they don’t understand, feel that there is something wrong in the family.

If you hide the truth from a child, he develops an internal dissonance between what he knows and what he feels. Such a condition can negatively affect the child's psyche much more than bad news.

Dose Information

Telling the truth about what's going on in the family is one thing. But it is completely different to dump all the negative details and details on the child with the accompanying accusations against the partner.

So it is enough for a five-year-old child to realize the very fact of divorce and understand his personal prospects in the current situation, an older child can try to explain the reason in general terms.

But in any case, mom and dad should remain the same “best” for him as before. And you can always pour out your soul and express mutual claims to a girlfriend or a psychotherapist.

"we" instead of "he"

The concept of "parents" means mom and dad, forever connected with the child by the strongest bonds in the world. It is very important for a small person to feel this unity of parents, even if they failed as husband and wife.

In addition, by saying “we,” parents make it clear to the child that the decision to separate was common, which means that both parents are equally responsible for both the divorce and subsequent communication.

In this situation, there are no “bad and good”, “victims” and “traitors”, but there are two adults who love their child, but now decide to live separately.

Don't blame your father

In continuation of the previous thought, I would like to warn against the temptation to blame the partner for what happened. Even if it really is “everything because of him,” the child does not need to know this.

It is very difficult for children to admit that one of their parents is not at all the best. Grow up - figure it out. In the meantime, you need to explain something to the child, based on the fact that there are no and cannot be guilty. It's just that sometimes things happen in life.

No tears and tantrums

Divorce is a powerful stress that leaves an inevitable imprint on the nervous system of both the child and the parents themselves. Anxiety, irritability, tearfulness and even tantrums - such reactions are completely normal in this situation.

Crying is even useful, tears bring some relief, this is a proven fact. But with a child, you need to try not to allow manifestations of negative emotions. And we must not only pretend that everything is in order, but really try with all our might to tune in to the positive.

Everyone experiences their problems differently, and divorce is no exception. But the mistakes parents make in such a situation are pretty standard. It is worth listening to the advice of psychologists and trying to solve problems constructively.

The most important principle of behavior should be the rule "do not harm the child." That is, all your words and deeds must be considered under this prism.

If you have doubts about the correctness of your actions, or do not have enough moral strength to cope on your own, it is better to contact a specialist. Yes, and the child in this situation will not hurt a conversation with a good psychologist.

If the baby is still very small, does not know how to speak and understands only some of your words, it is clear that explaining something to him will be superfluous. With all the desire, the baby simply will not understand you. And this, in my opinion, is ideal. Of course, it will be unrealistically difficult for you to stay with the baby in your arms without the support of your husband. But for a child, it will be the best. He will not have unpleasant memories associated with the divorce of his parents in his memory. Children are very worried at such moments. Therefore, it is better for the baby to simply have nothing to remember.

If the child is already 2-3 years old or more, he may not understand what a divorce is, but he will definitely notice the absence of one of the parents. Most likely - will call him and cry. The most important thing in this situation is endurance and patience. By the way, there are many cases when, because of the baby, the parents again converged and lived together happily ever after. But if you are determined to divorce your significant other, be patient. Never scold your father / mother in front of a child. Don't say how bad he is, how he left us, etc. Do not instill in the child hatred of the father / mother. The kid is not to blame for the fact that adults made a mistake.

It often happens that after the divorce of their parents, children withdraw into themselves, begin to lag behind in development, and abandon school. You don't want this situation to happen in your family, do you? Then you only need to remember 2 rules:

1. Do not sort things out with your spouse in front of your child.
2. Do not forbid the father / mother to meet with the baby.

It is clear that few spouses get divorced and remain friends after that. Basically, divorce is accompanied by mutual reproaches, daily scandals and constant insults. Even if your family divorce proceeds this way, sort things out in private. Do not let your child know about your problems. It will not be easy for him to survive the divorce of his parents. There is no need to aggravate the situation.

Again, just because you don't want to see your spouse again, that doesn't mean your baby is of the same opinion. After the parents divorce, it will be difficult for the child to get used to the fact that mom and dad now live separately. He loves you both, loves you equally. Don't deprive him of that feeling. Let him meet and communicate with both parents. This is especially important in the first time after a divorce. Let your child get used to the fact that mom and dad are no longer living together.

Naturally, it's hard for you right now. Very hard. Divorce is an unpleasant process. Just understand, your baby is now even worse. He just doesn't understand why mom/dad is leaving. Talk to the little one. Calmly, intelligibly explain to the child what divorce is. Let him know that you both still love him.

If you do everything right, very soon both you and your baby will smile again. Children are having a hard time with the divorce of their parents, but if they are helped, if the divorce is explained to the child correctly, it is likely that many problems can be avoided.

And may you never need the advice from this article. Let the life of your family be bright, bright and carefree!

In this article, we will talk about how to explain the divorce of parents to a child. Divorce is stressful for your family, the most vulnerable part of it is the child. Therefore, it is necessary to properly prepare it for this process.

By correctly informing your child about the divorce, you will multiply his understanding, acceptance and experience of these changes, reducing their negative consequences. Prepare for the conversation, try to calm down, pull yourself together, your stress and anxiety can be transferred to the child.

Talk to your child calmly, he should feel your protection and support. Do not put off the conversation, the more you put off, the more the child feels guilty about the divorce of his parents. Because children feel the situation in the family, they feel that something is wrong, they may hear some conversations, and since you are hiding something from him, it may be because of him.

Once you have made this decision, talk to your child right away. Build a conversation based on the age of the child, young children can also understand that now they will live with one parent, and the second will visit them. And this is not because his parents do not like him, this is how the situation developed. Explain to your child that your divorce is not his fault.

Different children perceive this information in different ways, the child may cry, may withdraw. Do not be afraid of such a reaction - just be there, support him, he needs you.

After the conversation, give your child as much time as they need to take in the information. If it is difficult for you to start this conversation with your child, seek the help of a psychologist. Below are three stories from life, after reading which you will understand what you do not need to tell your child when explaining the divorce of parents.

Three divorce stories

Divorce of parents

My father was a comrade, to put it mildly, strange, I realized this much later, when I grew up. But some words, as they say, "cannot be thrown out of the song." To fully understand the situation, you will have to “turn inside out” a bit.

I was little, but I remember very well how my mother cried quietly from everyone, and then met my father on the threshold with a smile and a hot dinner on the table. From the conversations of adults, I knew that my dad was "walking". After sorting out the relationship with my father, my mother lay in the hospital for three months, while my tiny sister and I lived with my grandmother all this time.

The father is with his parents. He came to us, played, read, in general, everything was as it should be, but everything was without a soul. Then he began to come every other day, after some time - even less often.

When my mother was discharged, her parents divorced. After some time, we - my mother, me and my sister, who was only eight months old - arrived in a Siberian town, which met us with a terrible frost and strong wind. Thus began a new life...

I kept waiting for at least one letter from him to arrive. In the summer, when we came to see granny for a short time, five thousand kilometers away, dad visited us, but very rarely. At first, my sister and I were waiting for his “arrivals”, but, over time, they stopped.

When the school-kindergarten events took place, all the children were with a "full" set of parents. To be honest, my sister and I were envious. Now I'm not ashamed to admit it. We never received a “new pope”.

In all the time that has passed since the divorce, my mother has NEVER said a bad word about the father, whom my sister did not even know. Only good.

Mom did not put pressure on us, did not impose her opinion. All the questions we asked were answered, but without "darkness". In 20+ years, he has not tried to meet or contact us.

We know where dad lives now. But…. We no longer want to meet. What for? When arranging their new life, they safely forgot about us. My sister and I have long made our conclusions, who is who.

Friend's parents divorce

We had neighbors - a wonderful family of four - two daughters Galya and Tanya, good luck with my sister, and their parents. What caused the collapse of their family, the categorical aunt Valya did not hide - treason.

Their father did not share anything, he left everything to his wife, now the former, and his daughters, taking only a small suitcase.

Aunt Galya did not allow her to see her father, despite the tears and persuasions of the girls. She watered the former with slops at every opportunity so that it was audible for a kilometer. The flight of fancy in terms of inventing insults could be "enviable".

What happened when, after 5-6 years, Aunt Valya found out that the daughters were secretly meeting with their father, communicating perfectly with his new wife and their son, it makes no sense to tell. And so it is clear that there was a grandiose scandal. Feathers flew in all directions. As a result, the “go-ahead” for dates was nevertheless received, but what price was paid for this?

A bunch of reproaches of girls for betrayal, tears and tantrums of an adult woman ... Having matured, Tanya and Galina moved away from their mother and reduced communication with her to a minimum.

Happy together….

At the age of sixteen, Natasha, my then girlfriend, always laughed that she did not know who her father was - her own or her stepfather. Her mother acted wisely, allowing her to see her own father and stay with him for as long as her daughter wanted. This happens extremely rarely.

Both parents built new families, but…. They were very friendly with each other. How this could happen - many do not understand. I would give dearly to know their secret to maintaining such a relationship.

Much later, already having a child of her own, Natasha enjoyed the abundance of her grandparents. Of course, this is an ideal example in every respect. This is the only case I know of.

Unfortunately, life has scattered us all, and all ties with my childhood friends have been lost. We are now united by only one thing - the memory of the parents' divorce and their behavior after.

Conclusion based on bitter experience

One of my colleagues (let's call her Vera) decided to get a divorce, she thought about it for more than one year. And apparently the boiling point has been reached. She and her husband have an eleven-year-old daughter who was torn between her parents.

After Vera's tantrums, her daughter got something like a nervous breakdown. The child considered himself to be guilty .... For what? Now the girl drinks a bunch of sedative pills and additionally works with a psychologist. Until Vera divorced, she lives separately from her husband, the daughter is afraid to meet her father. This is how it happens….

This topic is not easy, you may think that I have described it somewhat one-sidedly. But believe me, I have a few more examples of how people behaved during a divorce.

How to explain the divorce of parents to a child

Women! Girls! If it so happened that what you had was not preserved - and no matter for what reasons, find the strength in yourself to remain a Human. Yes, that's right, with a capital letter.

Perhaps you will now begin to throw yourself at me, but do not forget that in addition to your resentment and pain, there is also a little man who does not understand why now you can’t talk about dad, see him, or just snuggle up to a big and strong, so dear, person in their life.

This is your and only your disassembly, children have the right to love both of you. Divorced - you, but not the children with their parents.

No need to ask unsolvable questions like who "do you love more?". By the way, it's not just parents who do this. My grandfather once thought to ask me that. The answer was 1-0 in favor of the granny, so he was also offended by her. Silly adult...

A few more words about how to explain the divorce of parents to a child. Do not humiliate the father in the eyes of children, because, growing up, we draw our own conclusions. And if you find a normal man instead of the “ever-drinking bastard with a new skirt”, you will not be grateful enough. Do not impose taboos or restrictions, there is always a way around them. It is better to let everything be open, but under control.

I'm not saying that men are all perfect. We are all different, and no one knows who will behave in such a situation. God forbid you go through this.